Cincinnati Reds Series Preview
The Basics
What: Astros/Reds 3 Game series
When: Friday, April 15th at 6:10, FSSW
Saturday, April 16th at 12:15, KNWS/MLB.TV
Sunday, April 17th at 12:15, FSSW
Where: Great American Ballpark, with Smokestakes and Budweiser-fueled diarrhea served over spaghetti noodles?mmm, now dat?s good eats.
The Pitching Matchups
Game 1 Roy Oswalt versus Paul Wilson
Game 2 Andy Pettitte versus Eric Milton
Game 3 Brandon Duckworth versus TBA (fuck, TBA owns the Astros)
Reds Update
After receiving a good ol? fashioned ass kickin at the hands of the good guys last week, the Reds have played all of 2 fucking games, splitting a pair with the Jakes. 2 games in 4 days. What kind of bull shit is that?
Reds were lucky to eek out a win in St. Louis considering the Jakes had the bases loaded and just 1 out with Poo Holes at the plate in the 9th down by a run. A nicely turned 5-3 double play by Joe Randa ended that rally. $10 says the Astros 3B, whether it be Ensberg, or Lamb, or Viz, fucks that play up.
Anyway, these are still the same shitbags we faced last weekend. Look for 2 of the 4-headed OF monster known as Adam Mo Kearns, Jr. to hit a bomb or 2. Randa has been a nice addition so far. And the DL is pretty free and clear for once.
Red Fan, this is as good as your team gets all season. And even then it sucks ass.
Astros Update
Astros get swept at Shea, going into full blown Arthur mode, except that they weren?t lost between the moon and NYC, just lost somewhere between 1B and home plate. Shit, how many lobsters did we eat in NY. Fuck!!!
The pitching staff is looking pretty sweet, with Clemens looking as salty as pickle floating in the Dead Sea. The key to winning games seems to be getting Lidge involved. Astros have 4 wins and Tits is 3 for 3 in saves and has 1 win.
The ?Ausmus ain?t shit? circle jerk started early this year, not sure who had Game 7 but congrats to whoever did. The ?switch AE and Willy in the batting order? is starting to heat up. Biggio is off to a nice start and Berkman?s rehab won?t be done for a couple of weeks.
Ensberg/Lane/Tavares/Scott?all hitting over .300. Wow!!!!
Five Questions
1) Hey, what the fuck? I thought it was 10 questions? I?m swamped at the office. Too much work, not enough time. And to top it off my company tells me that they fucked up my W-2 and I?ll need to re-file.
2) When is Berkman going to make it back? I?ve consulted Madame Sosioux who specializes not in reading tea leaves but in reading shit stains. I took her to the crapper over at Second Baptist (since that is where Lance was hurt) and she was able to divine from the spirits that Lance would be back on April 29th, the start of the Cubs series. So there you go.
3) Why isn?t ?Jules? Astacio starting instead of Predator?s Mother? Jules is a mushroom cloud laying mother fucker, mother fucker. He?s SuperFly TNT, the Guns of the Navarone. I say get his ass up here for help in middle relief. Betcha Duckworthless is on a short lease.
4) Biggest surprise thus far? Pick one?(a) Willy T hitting well, (b) Clemens being as good as last year, or (c) Oswalt?s lack of strikeouts. I?ll take (c). 4 punchouts in 14 innings?very un-Roy like.
5) Biggest Surprise in the NL thus far? Gotta be the D-backs/Nationals. I didn?t think they?d win 6 games all April, much less in the first 2 weeks. If Brandon Lyon can keep on closing out games for the D-Backs, my fantasy team is in great shape!!! Jose Guiilen is a player in Washington, though he must be some sort of asshole to get kicked off the Angels. Anyone know exactly what he did? Something like he mouthed off to Scioscia?
Three Random Thoughts
1) Alex Smith is the better QB prospect between him and Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers is a mouthy little punk who quit on his team last year. Then again, the whole team quit after not making it to the Rose Bowl. Loved seeing Ttech light those biches up.
2) I saw Al Sharpton in O?Hare yesterday. Looks a lot less fat in person.
3) Went to Wrigley up in Chicago. It was perfect. Prior making his return against Jake Peavy. What could be better? Well, everything could. RAIN OUT. What kind of bull shit is that. Rainouts suck. We went in, bought a shitty Old Style and a $3.50 hot dog, not even Chicago style?just a plain fucking dog. Sit there in the fucking cold, make small talk to the Cub Fan losers around us, and then 20 minutes before game time they call it.
FUCK!!!!
1 Topic for TZ Discussion
Create a basketball team of NBAers who went to college, versus a basketball team of NBAers who didn?t, versus a basketball team of foreign born players. Who wins? My lineups:
College Kids?Shaq, Duncan, Iverson, Wade, and Marion. Great depth at the power positions and at shooting guard (Redd and Ray Allen could also work) while the small forward is a bit tougher (Marion or Vince Carter).
High School?Stoudamire, Garnett, James, McGrady, and Bryant. I think that?s the team to beat.
Foreign?Yao, Nowitzki, Stojakovic, Nash and Kirilenko (yeah he?s out, so what this is make believe).
