A picture is worth a thousand words

[juliogotay]

http://www.astroscounty.com/

You'll have to scroll down to just under the Brandon Barnes story.

[Reuben]

In an effort to appeal to the highbrow, arty demographic, the Astros have begun to incorporate elements of modern dance into their games. Matt Downs noted, "really, when you get right down to it, the influence of Merce Cunningham is just unavoidable. That play was a total homage to Merce."

[Ebby Calvin]

In an effort to appeal to the highbrow, arty demographic, the Astros have begun to incorporate elements of modern dance into their games. Matt Downs noted, "really, when you get right down to it, the influence of Merce Cunningham is just unavoidable. That play was a total homage to Merce."

potw

[juliogotay]

potw

And it's been a good week for posts.

[MusicMan]

If you can't enjoy this breakdown of the play, you'd best just stop watching for the year.

[NeilT]

If you can't enjoy this breakdown of the play, you'd best just stop watching for the year.

Oh, the humanity.

[jbm]

It's nice to see the Astros getting some national recognition.  It is well deserved. 

[Bench]

If you can't enjoy this breakdown of the play, you'd best just stop watching for the year.

The Astros have won four of their last 35 games. Only two teams in major-league history have been worse over a 35-game span: the 1909 Boston Doves and the 1916 Philadelphia Athletics. There hasn't been a worse stretch of baseball since Charles Lindbergh flew from Long Island to Paris, since movies had sound, or since the Yankees first appeared in a World Series.

Well, when you put it that way...

[subnuclear]

Do people remember people dressed up in Nationals gear at MMPUS before this year?

[HudsonHawk]

The Astros have won four of their last 35 games. Only two teams in major-league history have been worse over a 35-game span: the 1909 Boston Doves and the 1916 Philadelphia Athletics. There hasn't been a worse stretch of baseball since Charles Lindbergh flew from Long Island to Paris, since movies had sound, or since the Yankees first appeared in a World Series.

Well, when you put it that way...

This is a team that would struggle to win 10 games in a season.  Without a doubt the worst team in the history of the Major Leagues.  No other team is even close.

[Ron Brand]

This is a team that would struggle to win 10 games in a season.  Without a doubt the worst team in the history of the Major Leagues.  No other team is even close.

That 1988 Oriole team, 0-21 to begin the season, would club this team like a field of baby seals.

[NeilT]

We're witnessing history.

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

If pictures are worth 1000 words, this video is War and Peace.

[Bench]

If pictures are worth 1000 words, this video is War and Peace.

That's so sadly perfect.

[MusicMan]

This is a team that would struggle to win 10 games in a season.  Without a doubt the worst team in the history of the Major Leagues.  No other team is even close.

This team won 10 games in JUNE.  They are PLAYING the worst stretch in history, but the hyperbole is carrying everyone away.

Of course, that assumes that they had Wandy (6.00 ERA in June), Carlos (.241/.293/.370 in 14 June games), Happ (5.56 ERA in June), etc.

Please, resume your regularly scheduled "OMG worst team in any sport EVAR" conversations.

[Mr. Happy]

This team won 10 games in JUNE.  They are PLAYING the worst stretch in history, but the hyperbole is carrying everyone away.

Of course, that assumes that they had Wandy (6.00 ERA in June), Carlos (.241/.293/.370 in 14 June games), Happ (5.56 ERA in June), etc.

Please, resume your regularly scheduled "OMG worst team in any sport EVAR" conversations.

This isn't the same team as was there in June, when they were already horrible. I think that the club as presently constituted is by far the worst big league club I've ever seen. Worst ever? I have no answer to that question other than to say I don't have a fucking clue about it.

[Reuben]

This team won 10 games in JUNE.  They are PLAYING the worst stretch in history, but the hyperbole is carrying everyone away.

Of course, that assumes that they had Wandy (6.00 ERA in June), Carlos (.241/.293/.370 in 14 June games), Happ (5.56 ERA in June), etc.

Please, resume your regularly scheduled "OMG worst team in any sport EVAR" conversations.

Thank you.

This team is playing like shit right now. They are 4-31 over their last 35 games. That's a .114 winning percentage. Over a 162-game schedule, a .114 winning percentage will yield 18 or 19 wins. But its also pretty hard to play that badly for 162 games.

[austro]

Do people remember people dressed up in Nationals gear at MMPUS before this year?

No. That's the thing that struck me and pissed me off the most: now we've got entitled little shits in Nationals gear leaning over the dugout and yelling at our guys. At home.

[Texifornia]

That's so sadly perfect.

I think "Yakkety Sax" should be the new team theme song.

[Mr. Happy]

That 1988 Oriole team, 0-21 to begin the season, would club this team like a field of baby seals.

I was at the Orioles home opener in 1988, where they were pounded senseless by the Brewers and shut out by Teddy Higuera 10-0. They were pretty awful. They fired Cal Ripken, Sr. after only six fucking games and hired Frank Robinson, who proceeded to lose 15 more in a row. I was at Georgetown Law School at the time, so I watched a lot of Orioles baseball in 1988. That club would absolutely destroy the current Astros--it's not even close.

[HudsonHawk]

This team won 10 games in JUNE.  

No, the team that won 10 games in June had Carlos Lee, J.A. Happ, Wandy Rodriguez, Chris Johnson, Brett Myers, etc.  THIS team is the worst in the history of baseball.  It's not even close.

[HudsonHawk]

Thank you.

This team is playing like shit right now. They are 4-31 over their last 35 games. That's a .114 winning percentage. Over a 162-game schedule, a .114 winning percentage will yield 18 or 19 wins. But its also pretty hard to play that badly for 162 games.

The team is playing like shit because they're that bad.  This is not a "rough stretch".  They're not in a slump.  If this team, as it is now configured, played an entire schedule, they'd lose 140+ games.  No doubt in my mind.

[Mr. Happy]

The team is playing like shit because they're that bad.  This is not a "rough stretch".  They're not in a slump.  If this team, as it is now configured, played an entire schedule, they'd lose 140+ games.  No doubt in my mind.

Could they lose 140+ and still not be the all-time worst? I don't know the answer to that question either. I'm just full of non-answers today.

[HudsonHawk]

Could they lose 140+ and still not be the all-time worst? I don't know the answer to that question either. I'm just full of non-answers today.

The worst record in the modern era is the 1916 Athletics who won 36 games.  No way the current roster is that good.

[MusicMan]

No, the team that won 10 games in June had Carlos Lee, J.A. Happ, Wandy Rodriguez, Chris Johnson, Brett Myers, etc.  THIS team is the worst in the history of baseball.  It's not even close.

See my point. As they were performing, the team was hardly wining because of many of those guys.

However, lacking Lowrie and Castro makes a difference.

[HudsonHawk]

See my point. As they were performing, the team was hardly wining because of many of those guys.

However, lacking Lowrie and Castro makes a difference.

No I don't see your point.  Those guys are the ones who could win more than 40 games over the course of a season.  The team as it is not now could not.

[Reuben]

No I don't see your point.  Those guys are the ones who could win more than 40 games over the course of a season.  The team as it is not now could not.

This is the point he's referring to:

This team won 10 games in JUNE.  They are PLAYING the worst stretch in history, but the hyperbole is carrying everyone away.

Of course, that assumes that they had Wandy (6.00 ERA in June), Carlos (.241/.293/.370 in 14 June games), Happ (5.56 ERA in June), etc.

In other words, the team still won 10 games in June when the guys you mention were doing badly. Also, Lopez was on the DL for almost all of June. Chris Johnson? You really think the team is worse off without Chris Johnson?

And MM is right, Lowrie and Castro are still part of the team. The Astros are much better when they are healthy. Clearly, they suck. I just think it's silly to proclaim "If this team, as it is now configured, played an entire schedule, they'd lose 140+ games.  No doubt in my mind." although I see you at least backed off your 10-win figure.

[chuck]

I'd like to think I'm a fairly imaginative fellow but I can watch only the team they fucking field every day and not the team they would have if they magically had other players playing in the place of the guys who are out there.

[HudsonHawk]

This is the point he's referring to:In other words, the team still won 10 games in June when the guys you mention were doing badly. Also, Lopez was on the DL for almost all of June. Chris Johnson? You really think the team is worse off without Chris Johnson?

The point is, those guys are better than the current team.  I cannot believe you can't see this.  And yes, this team is worse without Chris Johnson.

And MM is right, Lowrie and Castro are still part of the team. The Astros are much better when they are healthy. Clearly, they suck. I just think it's silly to proclaim "If this team, as it is now configured, played an entire schedule, they'd lose 140+ games.  No doubt in my mind." although I see you at least backed off your 10-win figure.

I haven't backed off of anything.  This team would struggle to win 10 games.   I don't know what kind of sunshine you guys have been mainlining, but this team is bad.  Historically bad.  

[SM_Bobcat]

I haven't backed off of anything.  This team would struggle to win 10 games.   I don't know what kind of sunshine you guys have been mainlining, but this team is bad.  Historically bad.  

No doubt, this team is historically bad.  But, have there been no other teams in the history of MLB that have had fire sales at the trade deadline and gave up most if not all of their top players, and been historically bad for the last two plus months of the season?  Are the current Houston Astro's among the worst in MLB history, no doubt.  Are they absolutely without a doubt the worst team in MLB history, that would blow away all records of futility, that is a bridge to far.  Just a quick look at historically bad baseball teams, the 1899 Cleveland Spiders look like they would take the cake.  They lost 40 of the final 41 games.  Their longest winning streak of the season was 2 games, which they did exactly one time.  After starting the season 8 for 30 they traded away the few remaining respectable players on their team, and finished the season with a .103 winning percentage.

No doubt, the current Houston Astro's are bad.  They would very likely prove to be the worst team in modern MLB history.  But, the absolute worst of all time, appears to be a slight strech....

[HudsonHawk]

No doubt, this team is historically bad.  But, have there been no other teams in the history of MLB that have had fire sales at the trade deadline and gave up most if not all of their top players, and been historically bad for the last two plus months of the season?  Are the current Houston Astro's among the worst in MLB history, no doubt.  Are they absolutely without a doubt the worst team in MLB history, that would blow away all records of futility, that is a bridge to far.  Just a quick look at historically bad baseball teams, the 1899 Cleveland Spiders look like they would take the cake.  They lost 40 of the final 41 games.  Their longest winning streak of the season was 2 games, which they did exactly one time.  After starting the season 8 for 30 they traded away the few remaining respectable players on their team, and finished the season with a .103 winning percentage.

No doubt, the current Houston Astro's are bad.  They would very likely prove to be the worst team in modern MLB history.  But, the absolute worst of all time, appears to be a slight strech....

You mean they might be better than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders?  The team that was so bad they only played 42 home games?  The team that lost 40 of 41 to end the season because they were disbanding?  That should be the slogan:  "Your 2012 Houston Astros...Probably Not As Bad As The 1899 Cleveland Spiders".  That'll put asses in the seats.

BTW, after starting a respectable 32-43, the Astros are 4-32, a blistering .111 winning percentage.  

[SM_Bobcat]

You mean they might be better than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders?  The team that was so bad they only played 42 home games?  The team that lost 40 of 41 to end the season because they were disbanding?  That should be the slogan:  "Your 2012 Houston Astros...Probably Not As Bad As The 1899 Cleveland Spiders".  That'll put asses in the seats.

BTW, after starting a respectable 32-43, the Astros are 4-32, a blistering .111 winning percentage.  

You specifically said:

No, the team that won 10 games in June had Carlos Lee, J.A. Happ, Wandy Rodriguez, Chris Johnson, Brett Myers, etc.  THIS team is the worst in the history of baseball.  It's not even close.

I made it a point to say, that without a doubt the current Houston Astro's are one of the worst teams in history.  And will very likely go down as the worst team in modern MLB history.  But you specifically said that they where the worst in MLB history, and it wasn't even close.

But when your over the top assertions are proven false, you try and put it back on others.

Noone on this thread has ever pretended that the current Houston Astros are not a complete and total disaster.  Noone has ever said that they where not one of the worst teams in MLB history.

But you have made several over the top assertions, that simply do not stand up to the facts, and every time they are proven wrong you act like others think that this team is good.

[Noe]

Whether they are the worse team in MLB history or not, I don't think I've ever seen in my lifetime a team out in the field that is basically holding try-outs for field positions *while* they play actual major league games against actual major league teams during the actual season. It is amazing to watch unfold before my eyes. I'm not sure this is the most prudent thing to do, since it is about already having this sort of thing done *before* spring training even rolls around, but the Houston Astros are indeed doing a first in my book. Is it the most necessary thing to do? I am unsure of that as well. I believe in rebuilding, but this is beyond that. And the thing is, they are charging people for the privilege to do this.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

And the thing is, they are DYNAMICALLY charging people for the privilege to do this.

FIFY

[MusicMan]

But you have made several over the top assertions, that simply do not stand up to the facts, and every time they are proven wrong you act like others think that this team is good.

The Clark gets it.

[BizidyDizidy]

But you have made several over the top assertions, that simply do not stand up to the facts, and every time they are proven wrong you act like others think that this team is good.

Bobcat, this is Hudson -I don't think you have been introduced before.

[Reuben]

The point is, those guys are better than the current team.  I cannot believe you can't see this.  And yes, this team is worse without Chris Johnson.

I never said otherwise. Clearly, if they still had Wandy, Lee, Lyon, and Myers, the Astros would be better. The specific point is that even when those guys were slumping badly, in June, the Astros still won 10 games. I will disagree on Johnson. This team is better off with Brett Wallace than with Chris Johnson. CJ's current hot streak doesn't change the player he is. His shitty defense cost this team bundles of runs, and he is an average-at-best hitter.

[TxRascal]

This team is better off with Brett Wallace than with Chris Johnson. CJ's current hot streak doesn't change the player he is. His shitty defense cost this team bundles of runs, and he is an average-at-best hitter.

When did Wallace become a reincarnation of Brooks Robinson?

[Gizzmonic]

When did Wallace become a reincarnation of Brooks Robinson?

Actually, he was bitten by a radioactive Brooks Robinson...

[Ty in Tampa]

Is this like arguing about the 25th man? 'cuz it sure feels like it.

[Bench]

Is this like arguing about the 25th man? 'cuz it sure feels like it.

"This team is terrible!"

"It's the worst of all time."

"Nuh uh!"

"Nuh uh!"

and repeat.

[jbm]

Well, I remember someone recently posting whether there would be more wins than times shut out.  I do believe "wins" is ahead 1-0 so far.  That is a positive.  They have also had the winning run at the plate in the ninth for at least two games in a row.  Need to focus on the positives.

[Bench]

More fun stuff courtesy of BusterTweet: ELIAS: Astros are 0-11 in extra-inning games, and they're only the second team ever to lose their first 11 extra-inning games ('69 Expos).

[HudsonHawk]

But when your over the top assertions are proven false, you try and put it back on others.

Noone on this thread has ever pretended that the current Houston Astros are not a complete and total disaster.  Noone has ever said that they where not one of the worst teams in MLB history.

But you have made several over the top assertions, that simply do not stand up to the facts, and every time they are proven wrong you act like others think that this team is good.

You haven't proven anything, especially not anything that I've said is false. You've simply said "they're not *that* bad.". Well, they are.

[EasTexAstro]

More fun stuff courtesy of BusterTweet: ELIAS: Astros are 0-11 in extra-inning games, and they're only the second team ever to lose their first 11 extra-inning games ('69 Expos).

So they ARE making it to extra innings...

[HudsonHawk]

Bobcat, this is Hudson -I don't think you have been introduced before.

And this is Biz. He's a smarmy little fuck.

[Noe]

So they ARE making it to extra innings...

Definitely a positive. Of course, the object of the game is to win, so that's next on the bucket list.

[HudsonHawk]

Is this like arguing about the 25th man? 'cuz it sure feels like it.

Unfortunately not. The team's record is significantly more important than the 25th man.

[Noe]

Unfortunately not. The team's record is significantly more important than the 25th man.

Baby steps. Right now, this team of 25th men (all of them qualify) is working on the stage 1 of the grand plan. Winning and records have to take a back seat.

[HudsonHawk]

Baby steps. Right now, this team of 25th men (all of them qualify) is working on the stage 1 of the grand plan. Winning and records have to take a back seat.

1.  I don't agree that all of them could make another MLB team.
2.  Of course you have to break a few eggs.  That doesn't change the fact that this is one really, really overmatched baseball team right now.

[Mr. Happy]

Unfortunately not. The team's record is significantly more important than the 25th man.

This is correct. And this team has several 28-30th men on the 25 man roster right now. That's the big problem. There aren't too many legitimate big league players here right now. And even fewer legitimate starters.

[Noe]

1.  I don't agree that all of them could make another MLB team.
2.  Of course you have to break a few eggs.  That doesn't change the fact that this is one really, really overmatched baseball team right now.

Agreed. It's a strange way to operate a major league team. There is the occasional "tip of the cap" because the other team was better than yours on this day, that's baseball. But this is not the same as what we're seeing. Right now, being competitive or just belonging on the major league field as a team would be a step up from where they are.

[SM_Bobcat]

You haven't proven anything, especially not anything that I've said is false. You've simply said "they're not *that* bad.". Well, they are.

Nothing you have said has been proven false?

What about:

THIS team is the worst in the history of baseball.  It's not even close.

Explain to me how the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, who had a .103 winning percentage the final 116 games of the season.  And that won 5 of the final 57 games (from August 1st to the end of the year), a .088 winning percentage by the way.  Is not even close to as bad as the current Houston Astros?

No doubt about it, the current Houston Astro's are one of the worst teams in history.  But to say that they are way worse than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and it isn't even close is completely and totally absurd.

Or how about:

This is a team that would struggle to win 10 games in a season.

To struggle to win 10 games over 162 game season is a .061 winning percentage.  Even the worst number you can come up with for this team is a .111 winning percentage, which is certainly higher than the .061 winning percentage needed to struggle to win 10 games.  Even at your .111 winning percentage, the team would end up winning 17 games.  Nowhere near struggling to win 10 games.

[Noe]

This is correct. And this team has several 28-30th men on the 25 man roster right now. That's the big problem. There aren't too many legitimate big league players here right now. And even fewer legitimate starters.

I'll piggy-back on what you are saying and add that while they show skills as major leaguers, it is the *type* of major leaguers that they have right now that is somewhat dubious. It's an odd mix of players either out of position on the field or a less than quality person in said position or in a lineup slot not made for their skills. You go up and down the lineup, for instance, and realize that this is a hodge-podge lineup made to fail because you're asking a team of #7 hitters to act like they are made to handle anything but a #7 slot. That adds pressure that is anything but helpful for these young men to succeed. I remember when young guys like Adam Everett or Morgan Ensberg were given bottom of the lineup assignments when they first reached the majors in order to get them accustomed to the majors. Later, as their skills evolved, they were put in more appropriate lineup slots. Right now, there is no major league bumper guards for any of these players. It's toss them into the deep end and watch them learn to swim.

As HH points out, they are woefully over matched right now.

[BizidyDizidy]

No doubt about it, the current Houston Astro's are one of the worst teams in history.  But to say that they are way worse than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and it isn't even close is completely and totally absurd.

Your 2012 Astros: Better Than The Spiders!

[HudsonHawk]

Nothing you have said has been proven false?

What about:
Explain to me how the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, who had a .103 winning percentage the final 116 games of the season.  And that won 5 of the final 57 games (from August 1st to the end of the year), a .088 winning percentage by the way.  Is not even close to as bad as the current Houston Astros?

The Spiders had a worse record, but they gave up when it became obvious it was the end of the line and they were folding.  And I don't judge "better" or "worse" simply by winning percentage.  If it helps you, knock yourself out.

No doubt about it, the current Houston Astro's are one of the worst teams in history.  But to say that they are way worse than the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and it isn't even close is completely and totally absurd.

Believe what you wish.

Or how about:
To struggle to win 10 games over 162 game season is a .061 winning percentage.

What about it?

 Even the worst number you can come up with for this team is a .111 winning percentage, which is certainly higher than the .061 winning percentage needed to struggle to win 10 games.  Even at your .111 winning percentage, the team would end up winning 17 games.  Nowhere near struggling to win 10 games.

.111 is not my winning percentage, it's the Astros winning percentage over the last month or so.  Over a full season, this team, as it currently is, would struggle to win 10 games.  You don't think so.  Congratulations.

[JackAstro]

This may not be a popular stance, but I'm going to just come out and say it. This Astros team – as it currently stands – would fucking demolish the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and not solely because they're all dead.

[MusicMan]

This may not be a popular stance, but I'm going to just come out and say it. This Astros team – as it currently stands – would fucking demolish the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and not solely because they're all dead.

They would have paddled Cleveland on nonconsecutive occasions.

[SM_Bobcat]

The Spiders had a worse record, but they gave up when it became obvious it was the end of the line and they were folding.  And I don't judge "better" or "worse" simply by winning percentage.  If it helps you, knock yourself out.

How do you know they gave up when it became obvious it was the end of the line?  Where you some how alive in 1899 to see it?

You specifically said that the Astro's where by far the worst team in the history of MLB, and it wasn't even close.  You have to be beyond stupid to honestly say, that the 1899 Cleveland Spiders where way better than the current Astros.

None of us where alive to see the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, so it certainly is possible that the 1899 Spiders where better than the current Astros.  Unlikely, but possible.  But, there is absolutely positively no way that they where WAY better.

.111 is not my winning percentage, it's the Astros winning percentage over the last month or so.  Over a full season, this team, as it currently is, would struggle to win 10 games.  You don't think so.  Congratulations.

Do the math, to win 10 games would require the Houston Astro's to have a .061 winning percentage.  If you honestly believe that even the current Houston Astros are that bad, you are a complete and total idiot....  They have already won 2 games since all the trades went down to comprise the "current team".  To honestly think that over 153 other games, they couldn't win 9 games is just being completely and totally absurd.

[Noe]

This may not be a popular stance, but I'm going to just come out and say it. This Astros team – as it currently stands – would fucking demolish the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, and not solely because they're all dead.

Without the spit-ball, yes, probably would.  With the spit-ball, the dead ball era Spiders might be hard to beat.

[OregonStrosFan]

although I see you at least backed off your 10-win figure.

Did you just say HH "backed off" something?!? Dude... you know better than that!

[Mr. Happy]

Without the spit-ball, yes, probably would.  With the spit-ball, the dead ball era Spiders might be hard to beat.

This. This right here.

[TxRascal]

None of us where alive to see the 1899 Cleveland Spiders, so it certainly is possible that the 1899 Spiders where better than the current Astros.  

It's amazing to me how many experts this board has on the 1899 Cleveland Spiders.

The only person hereabouts with the definitive answer about just how good or bad the Spiders were is Coach and he hasn't weighed in yet.

[HudsonHawk]

How do you know they gave up when it became obvious it was the end of the line?  Where you some how alive in 1899 to see it?

Ah, the infamous "how do you know, were you there?"  The classic troll line.

[HudsonHawk]

It's amazing to me how many experts this board has on the 1899 Cleveland Spiders.

The only person hereabouts with the definitive answer about just how good or bad the Spiders were is Coach and he hasn't weighed in yet.

The Spiders were simply in a slump.

And under what rock have you been....for like the last 7 years??

[EasTexAstro]

This discussion has all the appeal of an Astros vs. Spiders game.

[Ron Brand]

I'm going to come right out and say it. It's Astros. Not Astro's. There's no Jetsons here, and their dog isn't here either.

Astros.

Carry on.

[chuck]

The Spiders were simply in a slump.

They would have been much better had they not transferred all their good players to St Louis before the season so to say they were historically bad is pure hyperbole.

[TxRascal]

And under what rock have you been....for like the last 7 years??

Seems like just yesterday I laid down to take a nap.

Woke up to find the Astros are the worst team in the history of baseball so I figured I'd come find out how The Big Train was handling it.

It's going to be a long ride back to the top.

[JackAstro]

Without the spit-ball, yes, probably would.  With the spit-ball, the dead ball era Spiders might be hard to beat.

I really feel like you're underestimating the importance of all their players being dead. That is just a huge, huge hurdle to overcome.

That said, I had to look them up on B-R out of curiosity and HOLY SHIT was that team bad. They actually allowed 8.13 runs a game, so you can give them the spit ball, throw in a full complement of emory boards, sandpaper, laser pointers and vaseline, and I'm still taking the worst baseball team I've seen in my lifetime without a second thought.

[Andyzipp]

I'm going to come right out and say it. It's Astros. Not Astro's. There's no Jetsons here, and their dog isn't here either.

Astros.

Carry on.

One player is an Astro.
Two or more players are Astros.
Similarly, the team is the Astros.

If one player owns a bat, that bat is the Astro's.
If two or more players own bats, the bats are the Astros'.
Although there is no proof that anyone in Houston owns a bat.

[Andyzipp]

I really feel like you're underestimating the importance of all their players being dead. That is just a huge, huge hurdle to overcome.

That said, I had to look them up on B-R out of curiosity and HOLY SHIT was that team bad. They actually allowed 8.13 runs a game, so you can give them the spit ball, throw in a full complement of emory boards, sandpaper, laser pointers and vaseline, and I'm still taking the worst baseball team I've seen in my lifetime without a second thought.

Hitter's park, so the RAs should be adjusted.

[EasTexAstro]

They actually allowed 8.13 runs a game

Yeah, but they didn't face the Astros. That ERA could really drop over a 3 game series.

[TxRascal]

Although there is no proof that anyone in Houston owns a bat.

There's a bunch of them little SOB's under that bridge in Austin...

Maybe someone needs to take a field trip.

[JackAstro]

One player is an Astro.
Two or more players are Astros.
Similarly, the team is the Astros.

If one player owns a bat, that bat is the Astro's.
If two or more players own bats, the bats are the Astros'.
Although there is no proof that anyone in Houston owns a bat.

That's gold, Jerry! GOLD!

[HudsonHawk]

Woke up to find the Astros are the worst team in the history of baseball so I figured I'd come find out how The Big Train was handling it.

Not well.  I had to switch from scotch to bourbon.

[jbm]

This discussion has all the appeal of an Astros vs. Spiders game.

Fuck the Spiders and their retro unis

[Noe]

I really feel like you're underestimating the importance of all their players being dead. That is just a huge, huge hurdle to overcome.

Yeah, but the current Astros have Jordan Shafer, so there is that.

That said, I had to look them up on B-R out of curiosity and HOLY SHIT was that team bad. They actually allowed 8.13 runs a game, so you can give them the spit ball, throw in a full complement of emory boards, sandpaper, laser pointers and vaseline, and I'm still taking the worst baseball team I've seen in my lifetime without a second thought.

Neutral field?

[TxRascal]

Not well.  I had to switch from scotch to bourbon.

Sounds like some of the folk hereabouts have made the switch to bath salts...

[MusicMan]

Not well.  I had to switch from scotch to bourbon.

The good news is that Wade was able to trade your bourbon for 3 well-aged scotches.
The bad news is that he traded your case of prize cabernet for a 6 pack of Zima.

[MusicMan]

Yeah, but the current Astros have Jordan Shafer, so there is that.

No, he's on the DL.  We cannot consider anyone on the DL.

[SM_Bobcat]

No, he's on the DL.  We cannot consider anyone on the DL.

No, we can consider all the people on the DL that are terrible, and we consider them as full time starters....  We just can't consider the people on the DL that would actually help the team even a little.....

[Noe]

No, he's on the DL.  We cannot consider anyone on the DL.

That certainly helps the current Astros a lot in their quest to beat the Spiders. Five or seven game series?

[HudsonHawk]

No, we can consider all the people on the DL that are terrible, and we consider them as full time starters....  We just can't consider the people on the DL that would actually help the team even a little.....

How about we consider Bugs Bunny?  I once saw him strike out three Gas-House Gorillas on one pitch. 

[JackAstro]

Yeah, but the current Astros have Jordan Shafer, so there is that.

Neutral field?

Hmm. Given the level of play from both teams, I feel like we should stage this thing on a specially designed field with giant windmills, foam pits, bonus modifiers, that kind of shit. Just to keep it interesting, and make sure the Yakety Sax potential is as high as possible.

[TxRascal]

No, we can consider all the people on the DL that are terrible, and we consider them as full time starters....  We just can't consider the people on the DL that would actually help the team even a little.....

If Jordan S(c)hafer is your answer, I'm not sure I want to know the question.

[Noe]

How about we consider Bugs Bunny?  I once saw him strike out three Gas-House Gorillas on one pitch. 

Okay, so the Astros get to take Shafer off the team, place Bugs Bunny on the mound.

The Spiders get to use the spit-ball, high pitchers mound, laser pointers, and some razor sharp spikes.

Right now, seems like a very even matched game. If this is a series, then I would take the Astros... if Bugs comes back after one day's rest.

[hostros7]

If Jordan S(c)hafer is your answer, I'm not sure I want to know the question.

Player from which you are most likely to score a dime bag?

[MusicMan]

Alright, how about this one:

Ditka vs. God in a golf match.

Now remember, Ditka's a pretty good golfer.

[Noe]

Hmm. Given the level of play from both teams, I feel like we should stage this thing on a specially designed field with giant windmills, foam pits, bonus modifiers, that kind of shit. Just to keep it interesting, and make sure the Yakety Sax potential is as high as possible.

Nice!

Astros take Schafer off the team, pitch Bugs Bunny all seven games, get to use slightly shaved Redwood trees as bats, and have home field advantage with the giant windmills and trap doors.  I can see your point and have to agree, doesn't look good for the Spiders. Oh wait... they just traded for Marvin the Martian!

[Noe]

Alright, how about this one:

Ditka vs. God in a golf match.

Now remember, Ditka's a pretty good golfer.

God has lightning. God wins!

[SM_Bobcat]

I really feel like you're underestimating the importance of all their players being dead. That is just a huge, huge hurdle to overcome.

That said, I had to look them up on B-R out of curiosity and HOLY SHIT was that team bad. They actually allowed 8.13 runs a game, so you can give them the spit ball, throw in a full complement of emory boards, sandpaper, laser pointers and vaseline, and I'm still taking the worst baseball team I've seen in my lifetime without a second thought.

To make things worse, the only averaged 3.43 runs a game.....

[MusicMan]

make sure the Yakety Sax potential is as high as possible.

Monday night's bunt reset the bar for that.

[MusicMan]

God has lightning. God wins!

Ditka could hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

[Noe]

To make things worse, the only averaged 3.43 runs a game.....

So, you're saying the Astros are in trouble?

[TxRascal]

Right now, seems like a very even matched game. If this is a series, then I would take the Astros... if Bugs comes back after one day's rest.

Just don't take on the 1898 Spiders.  The Astros' wouldn't win one game in a 10 game series against them...

[Noe]

Ditka could hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

God can part the waters. Takes the water hazard out of the equation. I bet He can do the same for sand. Just saying.

[TxRascal]

God can part the waters. Takes the water hazard out of the equation. I bet He can do the same for sand. Just saying.

Not to mention the locusts.  Try hitting a curveball in a swarm of locusts.

[NeilT]

God can part the waters. Takes the water hazard out of the equation. I bet He can do the same for sand. Just saying.

Couldn't God just create the ball in the cup?  I'd think the more interesting game would be Dykstra and Satan.  How would you be able to tell the difference?

[MusicMan]

Not to mention the locusts.  Try hitting a curveball in a swarm of locusts.

I like Jesus very much.  But he no help with curveball.

[Andyzipp]

Are the the Astros even the best team in Houston?

Could the Owls or Cougars (or Huskies) beat them?  What about Bellaire?  Could Coach Biggio beat them with the Eagles?

I am confident they would win the Pony Division at Oaks Dads' Club, but that's not select ball.

[MusicMan]

What about Bellaire?

This is the story about how
Our team got flipped turned upside down
And if you'll watch a game, just sit right there
I'll tell you how the Astros couldn't beat Bellaire.

[Bench]

Are the the Astros even the best team in Houston?

Could the Owls or Cougars (or Huskies) beat them?  What about Bellaire?  Could Coach Biggio beat them with the Eagles?

I am confident they would win the Pony Division at Oaks Dads' Club, but that's not select ball.

Don't the Texans usually show up for batting practice around this time of the year?

[Mr. Happy]

See Contest, Pissing.

[MusicMan]

See Contest, Pissing.

They'd just wet themselves.

[Andyzipp]

This is the story about how
Our team got flipped turned upside down
And if you'll watch a game, just sit right there
I'll tell you how the Astros couldn't beat Bellaire.

IWWSDT...SFN.

[Andyzipp]

Don't the Texans usually show up for batting practice around this time of the year?

The SnS Traveling Softball Team would lose to the Astros.

[TxRascal]

The SnS Traveling Softball Team would lose to the Astros.

Not if the Astros were drunk too...

[Andyzipp]

Not if the Astros were drunk too...

I normalized the simulation.

[OregonStrosFan]

Ya know, I'm just glad this thread refers to horrid Astros fielding and not to Randy Travis at his DUI arrest...

[TxRascal]

I normalized the simulation.

Ain't nothing normal about either the Astros or the SnS traveling horse flop show.

[Ebby Calvin]

The Astros would lose to a drunk, naked Randy Travis.  In fact, we all lose in that situation.

[homer]

The Astros would lose to a drunk, naked Randy Travis.  In fact, we all lose in that situation.

How would you know? Were you there to see the drunk, naked Randy Travis?

[Bench]

The Astros would lose to a drunk, naked Randy Travis.  In fact, we all lose in that situation.

I think it's pretty obvious that Randy Travis knows it's the end of the line and is folding. 

[Andyzipp]

I think it's pretty obvious that Randy Travis knows it's the end of the line and is folding. 

On the other hand, I've seen the Astros play for the last two seasons. Drunk, naked Randy Travis has more than a puncher's chance.

[chuck]

So now I know what Beavis is going to look like when he's 50.

[Noe]

Okay, game on! There will be a three game, loser take all series between the Spiders and the Astros sometime soon (time and date to be announced). There will be a special gamezone set up to run through the match-ups and your regular PBP (and commentary). Vin Scully will NOT be calling this game nor homogenizing it for those sensitive souls. Bugs Bunny and other assorted characters (go ahead and include Jordan Schafer) will be available for the series. Since this is a barnstorming series, what better place to feature this matchup than a barn. Or maybe not.

Sign up today to provide commentary in favor or non-favor of your chosen team (pick a side, any side). Because of this matchup, the managers for each team will be named later from the roster of SnS 'zoners. We're going to settle this once and for all, SnS style. Basically, we'll make shit up as we go along!

[TxRascal]

Basically, we'll make shit up as we go along!

Because time honored Talk Zone tradition...

[Bench]

Because time honored Talk Zone tradition...

Until Hudson says we're making shit up wrong.

[EasTexAstro]

I'm assuming sliding glass doors and vending machines won't be available on the field, but can players take beer on the field? Oh, and Jordan asked about smoking. Someone wants to stay in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White Horse? Can you guys tell us who killed Kennedy? We want to have 8-track tapes. And never pay taxes again. Ever.

[Noe]

Two words: Handball rules.

[SoonerJim]

Without the spit-ball, yes, probably would.  With the spit-ball, the dead ball era Spiders might be hard to beat.

Since we're discussing some Spiders trivia, some background on that team is in order. From Bill James' Historical Abstract, the owners skipped spring training, and instead worked out of a gym in Terre Haught, Indiana. Because home attendance was so bad, they embarked on the road for the last two months, finishing 20-134, with 101 losses on the road, and 1-34 after Sept 1.

From Dan Okrent's book "Ultimate Baseball", Frank and Stanley Robison, owners of the Spiders, were inspired by the Brooklyn club's example of shuttling the Orioles players to Brooklyn (owners had both teams) in order to make more money. The brothers bought the St Louis franchise and transferred Cleveland's stars westward. The poor performance of the Baltimore and Cleveland franchises led NL owners to pare the league to eight teams and abolish Loiuisville, Washington, Cleveland, and Baltimore. Louisville sent their players to Pittsburgh, including honus Wagner.

[TxRascal]

The poor performance of the Baltimore and Cleveland franchises led NL owners to pare the league to eight teams and abolish Loiuisville, Washington, Cleveland, and Baltimore. Louisville sent their players to Pittsburgh, including honus Wagner.

Well, the Spiders transferred a pretty good player to St. Louis just prior to the 1899 season.  One Denton True Young.  You might have seen him called "Cy" a time or two.

He actually won 241 games for the Spiders. More than he won for Boston.

[Noe]

Since we're discussing some Spiders trivia, some background on that team is in order. From Bill James' Historical Abstract, the owners skipped spring training, and instead worked out of a gym in Terre Haught, Indiana. Because home attendance was so bad, they embarked on the road for the last two months, finishing 20-134, with 101 losses on the road, and 1-34 after Sept 1.

From Dan Okrent's book "Ultimate Baseball", Frank and Stanley Robison, owners of the Spiders, were inspired by the Brooklyn club's example of shuttling the Orioles players to Brooklyn (owners had both teams) in order to make more money. The brothers bought the St Louis franchise and transferred Cleveland's stars westward. The poor performance of the Baltimore and Cleveland franchises led NL owners to pare the league to eight teams and abolish Loiuisville, Washington, Cleveland, and Baltimore. Louisville sent their players to Pittsburgh, including honus Wagner.

Sounds a lot like McLane/Selig machinations to me. Now we see how all the parts need to work together to create suckitude of historical proportions.

[Noe]

Well, the Spiders transferred a pretty good player to St. Louis just prior to the 1899 season.  One Denton True Young.  You might have seen him called "Cy" a time or two.

He actually won 241 games for the Spiders. More than he won for Boston.

Can't wait for the Cy Young/Bugs Bunny matchup in game 1!

[chuck]

I don't know what's so fucking funny about all this. The Astros were once a proud, premier organization and now they are nothing more than a well-deserved source of national ridicule. The previous owner (idiot fraud) and current owner (racist, sexist war profiteer) collaborated and capitulated to piss away fifty years of history. Now despite the bizarre and deluded fantasies that several of you insist on maintaining the team is making a soberingly serious run at distinguishing itself in modern-day futility.

So yuck it up, necks, and be sure to buy the new caps and jerseys when they release them next winter.

[Lefty]

Drunk, naked Randy Travis has more than a puncher's chance.

So you're saying there's a chance?

[SoonerJim]

I don't know what's so fucking funny about all this. The Astros were once a proud, premier organization and now they are nothing more than a well-deserved source of national ridicule. The previous owner (idiot fraud) and current owner (racist, sexist war profiteer) collaborated and capitulated to piss away fifty years of history. Now despite the bizarre and deluded fantasies that several of you insist on maintaining the team is making a soberingly serious run at distinguishing itself in modern-day futility.

So yuck it up, necks, and be sure to buy the new caps and jerseys when they release them next winter.

It's gallows humor, a way to cope with what you know is happening and are simultaneously repulsed and intrigued in the same way we view car wrecks on the highway. I've followed the team since 1968, and share your sentiments.

[Andyzipp]

I don't know what's so fucking funny about all this. The Astros were once a proud, premier organization and now they are nothing more than a well-deserved source of national ridicule. The previous owner (idiot fraud) and current owner (racist, sexist war profiteer) collaborated and capitulated to piss away fifty years of history. Now despite the bizarre and deluded fantasies that several of you insist on maintaining the team is making a soberingly serious run at distinguishing itself in modern-day futility.

So yuck it up, necks, and be sure to buy the new caps and jerseys when they release them next winter.

Clayton?

[HudsonHawk]

It's gallows humor, a way to cope with what you know is happening and are simultaneously repulsed and intrigued in the same way we view car wrecks on the highway. I've followed the team since 1968, and share your sentiments.

But I think you missed the sarcasm.

[SoonerJim]

But I think you missed the sarcasm.

Perhaps. When Bowie Kuhn was commissioner, he vetoed an Athletics' trade which he deemed not in baseball's best interest. Since Bud Selig has remained silent in the face of the fourth biggest American city seeing its baseball team converted into a AAA-level talent, I can only surmise he has a vested interest in a perhaps decade-long demise of an in-division rival. Enriching Atlanta, NYY, and Philadelphia are but side bonuses.

And next year, they lose their league identity, playing two time zones removed and against Texas, a ward of the state, and Los Angeles, where we'll be charged with sustaining and prolonging the career of their septugarian slugger.

Did that pass the sarcasm meter test?

[Andyzipp]

Perhaps. When Bowie Kuhn was commissioner, he vetoed an Athletics' trade which he deemed not in baseball's best interest. Since Bud Selig has remained silent in the face of the fourth biggest American city seeing its baseball team converted into a AAA-level talent, I can only surmise he has a vested interest in a perhaps decade-long demise of an in-division rival. Enriching Atlanta, NYY, and Philadelphia are but side bonuses.

And next year, they lose their league identity, playing two time zones removed and against Texas, a ward of the state, and Los Angeles, where we'll be charged with sustaining and prolonging the career of their septugarian slugger.

Did that pass the sarcasm meter test?

I've always found it interesting that Bud Selig is simultaneously a brilliant strategist who undertook a 7-year plan to take a baseball franchise from the World Series to the worst team in baseball history, but is also an idiot of such a magnitude that he thinks that determining home field advantage from an All-Star game is a solution to how exhibition rosters are created/managed.

[Ty in Tampa]

Any idiot could have created Bud's eventual scenario of the team's forced move. The disintegration of the Astros from proud, successful franchise to questionable AAA laughingstock took a team of idiots.

[MusicMan]

I don't know what's so fucking funny about all this. The Astros were once a proud, premier organization and now they are nothing more than a well-deserved source of national ridicule. The previous owner (idiot fraud) and current owner (racist, sexist war profiteer) collaborated and capitulated to piss away fifty years of history. Now despite the bizarre and deluded fantasies that several of you insist on maintaining the team is making a soberingly serious run at distinguishing itself in modern-day futility.

So yuck it up, necks, and be sure to buy the new caps and jerseys when they release them next winter.

I miss HD.

[strosrays]

50 games left. Fifty.

If the Astros miraculously won half of them, they'd still lose 100 games.

I suspect they won't miraculously win half, though.

[subnuclear]

Any idiot could have created Bud's eventual scenario of the team's forced move. The disintegration of the Astros from proud, successful franchise to questionable AAA laughingstock took a team of idiots.

I think we all know that a big part of the state of the team is that Lunhow and Crane have pushed the rebuilding process as far as it can go. This was not an unpopular idea around here.

[TxRascal]

I miss HD.

Schlong gorveler...

[Gizzmonic]

This is the story about how
Our team got flipped turned upside down
And if you'll watch a game, just sit right there
I'll tell you how the Astros couldn't beat Bellaire.

Summertime is the time for Fresh Prince resets.  Also helps if you imagine Hunter Pence as the Will Smith character!

[Ty in Tampa]

I think we all know that a big part of the state of the team is that Lunhow and Crane have pushed the rebuilding process as far as it can go. This was not an unpopular idea around here.

Sure, I think under the circumstances they are doing what has to be done. But if this were the way to do it then they all would be laughingstocks at some point.

[Limey]

50 games left. Fifty.

If the Astros miraculously won half of them, they'd still lose 100 games.

I suspect they won't miraculously win half, though.

3-23 since the ASB.  "Half" might as well be "Mars".

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

Summertime is the time for Fresh Prince resets.  Also helps if you imagine Hunter Pence as the Will Smith character!

I think of Pence as more of a Jazz type.

[chuck]

I miss HD.

I do too. Sadly every time he returns some pole smoke runs him off again.

[HudsonHawk]

3-23 since the ASB.  "Half" might as well be "Mars".

Actually, we've got more than a puncher's chance at getting to Mars.  Way more than the Astros have at 25 more wins.

[Limey]

Actually, we've got more than a puncher's chance at getting to Mars. 

We're sending Randy Travis to Mars?  Well, I don't blame him; he'll get so much pussy when he gets back he'll spend the rest of his life naked.

Eh?  Oh.

[Noe]

But I think you missed the sarcasm.

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

[Noe]

Any idiot could have created Bud's eventual scenario of the team's forced move. The disintegration of the Astros from proud, successful franchise to questionable AAA laughingstock took a team of idiots.

It takes a village of idiots.

[Noe]

Sure, I think under the circumstances they are doing what has to be done. But if this were the way to do it then they all would be laughingstocks at some point.

+1

[strosrays]

I don't understand what the big deal is about Randy Travis.

It seems to me lying naked on a rural highway just before midnight would be a very pleasant thing, when you're bombed out of your fucking mind.

I don't know why the passing motorist who reported him was alarmed at the sight.  Dude just wanted to feel a little free.

[Andyzipp]

I don't understand what the big deal is about Randy Travis.

It seems to me lying naked on a rural highway just before midnight would be a very pleasant thing, when you're bombed out of your fucking mind.

I don't know why the passing motorist who reported him was alarmed at the sight.  Dude just wanted to feel a little free.

You're failing to include the walking into a convenience store completely naked prior to taking a nap on the highway.  The clerk noted that he brought in no visible means of payment for the beer he wanted.

[Mr. Happy]

You're failing to include the walking into a convenience store completely naked prior to taking a nap on the highway.  The clerk noted that he brought in no visible means of payment for the beer he wanted.

He didn't need no stinking currency! His autograph alone has to be worth some free beer!

[Limey]

He didn't need no stinking currency! His autograph alone has to be worth some free beer!

"Can I borrow a pen?"

[Ty in Tampa]

stinking currency!

Something tells me that if he had it, it would be.

[strosrays]

I've always found it interesting that Bud Selig is simultaneously a brilliant strategist who undertook a 7-year plan to take a baseball franchise from the World Series to the worst team in baseball history, but is also an idiot of such a magnitude that he thinks that determining home field advantage from an All-Star game is a solution to how exhibition rosters are created/managed.

Bud Selig systematically killing the Houston franchise is a little bit like you or I cleaning a toilet bowl with bleach.  We know the application is causing mayhem on some level ... millions of amoebas being killed, parameciums and shit.  But we can't hear them screaming, so ...

[Ron Brand]

I do too. Sadly every time he returns some pole smoke runs him off again.

I don't get that at all. HD was a very big piece of the puzzle here and I miss him too.

[BudGirl]

I always got along with him, but then again, I get pretend to like a lot of the posters here.

[EasTexAstro]

I always got along with him, but then again, I get pretend to like a lot of the posters here.

...and I appreciate it.

[Mr. Happy]

I don't get that at all. HD was a very big piece of the puzzle here and I miss him too.

I didn't mind him either.

[NeilT]

I thought he was absolutely looney.

[Texifornia]

I thought he was absolutely looney.

This was unusual how?

[austro]

I thought he was absolutely looney.

Hence why he was a big part of the puzzle.

[chuck]

I don't get that at all. HD was a very big piece of the puzzle here and I miss him too.

I thought the apparently medicated HD 2.0 would be a great addition to the board but that view was obviously not unanimous.

[Mr. Happy]

At least not by the ones who counted: the admins.

[TxRascal]

I thought he was absolutely looney.

Zip?

[Ty in Tampa]

I thought the story was he banned himself. I was in his corner, as circular as it was.

[Ron Brand]

I thought the story was he banned himself. I was in his corner, as circular as it was.

Clearly there is more here than meets the eye.

[OregonStrosFan]

I thought the apparently medicated HD 2.0 would be a great addition to the board but that view was obviously not unanimous.

I'd always imagined you were the board equivalent to the above (apparently medicated part nothwithstanding)...

[austro]

I'd always imagined you were the board equivalent to the above (apparently medicated part nothwithstanding)...

Chuck is a model of refinement and tact compared to HD.

[Noe]

May I remind you, it is very useless to talk about something you know nothing about. Oh wait, this is the Talkzone... carry on!

[Ron Brand]

I thought the apparently medicated HD 2.0 would be a great addition to the board but that view was obviously not unanimous.

It has to be unanimous?

I've spent years trying to not put the Randall McMurtry hat back on, but sometimes I feel the snug fit. Like the phantom limb after amputation.

[OregonStrosFan]

May I remind you, it is very useless to talk about something you know nothing about. Oh wait, this is the Talkzone... carry on!

Mine was directed more towards the knowledge of (my friend) chuck vs. the legend of HD...  (That, and the possibility of potentially temporarily annoying chuck...).

[Ron Brand]

Chuck is a model of refinement and tact compared to HD most of the rest of us.

[geezerdonk]

I never missed reading an HD post.

[Mr. Happy]

May I remind you, it is very useless to talk about something you know nothing about. Oh wait, this is the Talkzone... carry on!

I agree. There's obviously much more here. All in all, I back management wholeheartedly. One of them had a chat with me years ago during one of my lowest periods when I was absolutely out of control and actually put me on a temporary "self-imposed" hiatus from posting for a few weeks. That's when I changed my attitude and became Mr. Happy, which has worked out alright for me as well as, I would venture to guess, the rest of you, save the smart souls who have me on ignore.

[NeilT]

I agree. There's obviously much more here. All in all, I back management wholeheartedly. One of them had a chat with me years ago during one of my lowest periods when I was absolutely out of control and actually put me on a temporary "self-imposed" hiatus from posting for a few weeks. That's when I changed my attitude and became Mr. Happy, which has worked out alright for me as well as, I would venture to guess, the rest of you, save the smart souls who have me on ignore.

Your name always reminds of dog number 1, who is now 11.  When I got the dog I decided that i would do some training, but that in dealing with the dog, whatever she did would be right, good or bad, and that that's the way I would react to her.  Steal dinner?  It was fattening, I didn't need it.  Chew up my shoes?  I hated those shoes.  Pee on the carpet?  Badly needed cleaning. Climb into bed?  My feet were cold. It has been, all-in-all, the best behaved dog I've ever owned, and the dog that I've never been angry at.  I love that dog.  I've always wondered if that's what you were at with Mr. Happy.

[Mr. Happy]

Your name always reminds of dog number 1, who is now 11.  When I got the dog I decided that i would do some training, but that in dealing with the dog, whatever she did would be right, good or bad, and that that's the way I would react to her.  Steal dinner?  It was fattening, I didn't need it.  Chew up my shoes?  I hated those shoes.  Pee on the carpet?  Badly needed cleaning. Climb into bed?  My feet were cold. It has been, all-in-all, the best behaved dog I've ever owned, and the dog that I've never been angry at.  I love that dog.  I've always wondered if that's what you were at with Mr. Happy.

Well, now you know. Actually, when I changed from my real name to Mr. Happy, I received probably four or five PMs wondering whether that was me. I appreciated that and still do.

[Andyzipp]

I agree. There's obviously much more here. All in all, I back management wholeheartedly. One of them had a chat with me years ago during one of my lowest periods when I was absolutely out of control and actually put me on a temporary "self-imposed" hiatus from posting for a few weeks. That's when I changed my attitude and became Mr. Happy, which has worked out alright for me as well as, I would venture to guess, the rest of you, save the smart souls who have me on ignore.

Is your wife Hispanic?

[Mr. Happy]

Is your wife Hispanic?

In fact, she's 100% Polish. Why do you ask? If it relates to why I was "out" for awhile in either 2005 or 2007, I have forgotten totally about the reasons for it as well as even what year it actually occurred other than that I deserved it, whatever and whenever it was. I know that it happened after my second wife booted me, and I was living in an apartment at the time, which was between 2004-2007.

If I slandered someone, then I certainly apologize again for that, although I probably apologized profusely when I came back because that's my nature. I'm sorry that I don't remember the details or even when it happened, but I'm sure that you and Noe (and perhaps others) distinctly remember the details, which don't need to be relived in any way here. It's bad enough that it happened once for me.

[Andyzipp]

In fact, she's 100% Polish. Why do you ask?

It was a call back to a long time ago, with another poster named Paul. 

I have no recollection of your problems on the board, but I'm happy that you have learned to combat your demons and always pleased to see you posting here.

[Mr. Happy]

It was a call back to a long time ago, with another poster named Paul. 

I have no recollection of your problems on the board, but I'm happy that you have learned to combat your demons and always pleased to see you posting here.

Thanks, Andy. I'm always happy to wake up on this side of the grass, since there were many days where I certainly flirted with death. I honestly have nary a prejudiced bone in my body. In fact, really the opposite is true when I'm .in my right mind, which, thankfully has been the case now for a long time.

[94CougarGrad]

The Astros have won four of their last 35 games. Only two teams in major-league history have been worse over a 35-game span: the 1909 Boston Doves and the 1916 Philadelphia Athletics. There hasn't been a worse stretch of baseball since Charles Lindbergh flew from Long Island to Paris, since movies had sound, or since the Yankees first appeared in a World Series.

The DOVES?

We're worse than a team named the Doves, the symbols of peace?

*facepalm*

[94CougarGrad]

50 games left. Fifty.

If the Astros miraculously won half of them, they'd still lose 100 games.

I suspect they won't miraculously win half, though.

The end-of-season recap? The Houston Astros: Fifty Shades of Suck.

[BUWebguy]

Speaking of the Spiders... From Stark:

In their last 38 games, these Astros are 4-34. I'm shocked to report that no National League team has endured a 38-game stretch that grim since the legendary 1899 Cleveland Spiders finished their season with an attractive 1-40 debacle. And any team that winds up in the same sentence as those Spiders needs to ingest a lot of Tylenol immediately.

http://m.espn.go.com/general/blogs/blogpost?blogname=stark_jayson&id=8256361

[Ron Brand]

Just like Stark to be late to the party.

[Mr. Happy]

Just like Stark to be late to the party.

Eggszactly. Stark is the master of the obvious.

[OregonStrosFan]

Eggszactly. Stark is the master of the obvious.

It gets even better. The title of his Article was the ever-so-creative: Houston, you have a problem...

[Mr. Happy]

It gets even better. The title of his Article was the ever-so-creative: Houston, you have a problem...

I never read Stark and haven't for about as long as I haven't read Whitey.

[ValpoCory]

Just like Stark to be late to the party.

Although I will say that about 5 or 6 years ago, I noted the Astros posted a starting lineup without a player with a last name beginning with the letter "B" for the first time in about a decade, listing the exact date.  He put that in an article.  At least he's not completely elitist.

[ValpoCory]

This is a team that would struggle to win 10 games in a season.  

10 is an awfully small number, especially when what happened over the last two nights can easily happen.  Of course, struggle is a subjective term, so it's tough to argue.

[HudsonHawk]

10 is an awfully small number, especially when what happened over the last two nights can easily happen.

It is an awfully small number.  Of course, this is an awfully bad team.  The last two nights have been fun though, I hope they win the rest of them.

[Bench]

It is an awfully small number.  Of course, this is an awfully bad team.  The last two nights have been fun though, I hope they win the rest of them.

What a fun team to watch!

[94CougarGrad]

It gets even better. The title of his Article was the ever-so-creative: Houston, you have a problem...

Yeah, like we ain't never heered that 'un afore.