38.1 When you go an Astros game no one shoots you!
39. If you arrive late there are still plenty of promotional bobbleheads available. Even if you have no idea who they are you take a few. The kids just love a reactive target.
40. It's fun to watch the Astros marketing department's descent into madness as they try desperate gimmick after desperate gimmick to attract interest (random fan in audience gets to pinch hit, close the game, replace Milo--shit they're all ready doing this--Dollar beer is near).
41. When you take the family to a game they still get to watch one major league team play.
42. Astros fans might get the chance to be in a movie! Charlie Sheen's people and Crane are discussing remaking Major League and Red Dawn at the same time! A determined group of children will use guerrilla tactics to beat an overpowering invading team of professionals. The wacky loveable kids have both endearing personal quirks, and hand grenades. This plucky team of kids is lead by a verteran fighter pilot and pitcher who comes out of retirement after being shot down for flying too, too high, Wild Thing!
43. As you shave you can still tell the degenerate Astros fan in the mirror,"at least I am not a Cubs fan."
44. The Astros' payroll so low that there's money available to sign those high draft picks.
45. Since we are not Japanese our children won't be traumatized by Mills' ritual seppuku as he takes responsibility and atones for his managerial record.
46. If you go to a game and see the Astros win, you'll really have a story to tell.
47. At least Fuckhouse made it out and doesn't have to cover this horseshit of a team. I can be happy for her, right?
48. The Astros lock on the number one draft pick gets tighter with every game!
49. Some nights you can hear cheering, happy hometown fans--watching Soccer!
50. The asshole wearing the visiting team's gear knows not to fuck with you; if you are crazy enough to support this team god knows what you might be capable of?
