No skeletons in your closet, I imagine.
Actually, at the time that I harbored this desire to run, which was encouraged by many people, when I was back in my early-to-mid-30's, which was when I lost this "burn," my problems hadn't started creating negative consequences (no arrests, being held in contempt of court, etc.-which would all come later). That was part of my problem: I thought that I could still function at a high rate to be able to have my cake and eat it too such that I didn't have a problem. I now know that this was flawed logic and utter bullshit, but it took a lot of "education" (four rehabs and seven years of psychotherapy) and negative consequences as well as age to come to this conclusion.
Today, at 52, I'm happy where I am now in my life and, frankly, happier and more contented than I've ever been in my life. I now realize that life is a journey, and that you have to take the good with the bad because the mixture is what got you to where you are in the present. And I couldn't be happier with that result. Seriously. I've got aspects of my life that aren't the best (money and children issues), but I love my life today so much that I wake up excited to face the day every morning.
When I had lots of money (because my addiction and related problems cost me a lot (well over a million) and my children in my life, I frequently (like almost always) woke up miserable and unhappy and feeling like a victim. I'm no victim; I created my problems and I'm the one who can solve them, but I need other people's help. That's a big change from the stubborn, self-reliant to a fault person that I used to be. The old adage is correct: no man is an island.
