Rox @ Astros May 20, 2010

[Mr. Happy]

Colorado   AB   R   H   RBI   BB   SO   LOB   AVG
Gonzalez, C, CF   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .322
Smith, S, LF   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .266
Helton, 1B   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .277
Tulowitzki, SS   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .295
Hawpe, RF   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .333
Olivo, C   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .284
Stewart, 3B   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .279
Barmes, 2B   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .214
Jimenez, U, P   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .143
Totals   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .261

Houston   AB   R   H   RBI   BB   SO   LOB   AVG
Bourn, CF   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .291
Keppinger, 2B   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .283
Berkman, 1B   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .234
Lee, C, LF   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .203
Pence, RF   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .255
Feliz, 3B   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .218
Manzella, SS   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .191
Quintero, H, C   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .239
Oswalt, P   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .231
Totals   0   0   0   0   0   0   0   .231

[OregonStrosFan]

What's up with all the steals on Roy this year?

[Lurch]

What's up with all the steals on Roy this year?

Notice how slow the pace between pitches is, too.  Not typical Roy rhythm

[Lurch]

Well, fuck

3-0 with just one out in the game.  Roy's E started it off

[sporadic]

Karma is a bitch

[Ron Brand]

I guess he's pitching well enough to lose tonight.

[Ron Brand]

That's pretty shitty to use those 96 mph fastballs to set up the 98 mph one that runs like hell away from Bourn.

[Ron Brand]

I missed the top of the first so I don't know how it happened, but it's 3-0 Rockies after 1. Jimenez looks crazy good out there. Nice, easy motion, 98-99 mph FB with lots of movement and a sharp curve. Haven't even seen the other two pitches yet.

[Ron Brand]

Oswalt Ks Stewart and Barmes grounds out to 2b; Jimenez grounds out 6-3 and it's on to the bottom of the 2nd.

[Ron Brand]

Lee hits a hard grounder to deep 3b but is thrown out easily, one down. Pence!!! up. Can't wait to see his googly eyes on these pitches.

[Ron Brand]

Wow, whaddaya know? Pence!!! rolls an outside curveball to SS, two down. Feliz up.

[Ron Brand]

Feliz walks, and you can suck on that perfect game thought, Ubaldo.

[Ron Brand]

Manzella appears to be swinging at the sound of the pitch.

[Ron Brand]

Manzella bounces out to third and the second inning is over, down 3-0.

It's time for the THIRST INNING, brought to you by a shitty beer company who thinks that the "TH" sound is closer to their tag line than the "IRST" part of the first inning. Or else someone has already bought the rights to the first inning to jam something else down our throats and this was the best they could come up with.

[Ron Brand]

Gonzalez bounces out to Kepp, one down.

[Ron Brand]

Oswalt is bewildering Seth Smith.

[Ron Brand]

Called K on the bewildered Seth Smith. 2 Ks on the night for him so far. Helton up.

[Ron Brand]

Helton works a two-out walk.

[Ron Brand]

Roy appears to have his pitches working well tonight. Damn shame that they got 3 on him in the first on one hit and one error.

[Ron Brand]

Tulowitzki walks, runners on first and second with two out.

[Ron Brand]

Where is everybody? Did you guys all GIVE UP?

Hell, they released Kaz. It's a new day!

[Alkie]

It's time for the THIRST INNING, brought to you by a shitty beer company who thinks that the "TH" sound is closer to their tag line than the "IRST" part of the first inning. Or else someone has already bought the rights to the first inning to jam something else down our throats and this was the best they could come up with.

I am neither watching nor listening to this game so I will hope the two following things:

1) You made up that entire thing and
2) You are the worst ad man ever.

[Ron Brand]

I am neither watching nor listening to this game so I will hope the two following things:

1) You made up that entire thing and
2) You are the worst ad man ever.

I wish it were true. I don't remember which company it is, but Milo gives the lusty "Time for the THIRST INNING" cry at the beginning, middle and end of the third. It sucks.

[Lurch]

Roy appears to have his pitches working well tonight. Damn shame that they got 3 on him in the first on one hit and one error.

He was a little wild in the first.  Those three were all him.

[Ron Brand]

Hawpe flies out to Lee at the track. On to the bottom of the third.

[Ron Brand]

Q splinters his bat and the ball rolls to Stewart at third, who attempts to barehand the ball but can't come up with it. Q's on with a hit and there goes the no-hitter.

[OregonStrosFan]

Where is everybody? Did you guys all GIVE UP?

Shhhhhhhhh, I'm trying to sleep...

Hell, they released Kaz. It's a new day!

Be careful or AndyZip'll lock the thread if you bring this up again...

[Ron Brand]

JD wondering what happens if they get to the bottom of the 9th and that's the only hit off of Jimenez; a generous scorer could've called it an error.

Roy bunts him over and Bourn is up. One down.

[Ron Brand]

Bourn bounces out to first, Q moves to third. Two down, Kepp up.

[Ron Brand]

Kepp grounds out to third and that's three innings.

[Alkie]

Be careful or AndyZip'll lock the thread if you bring this up again...

You're not going to talk about my girlfriend's pussy again are you?

[Ron Brand]

You're not going to talk about my girlfriend's pussy again are you?

What is that, moth balls?

[Ron Brand]

Olivo grounds out to short, one down.

[Ron Brand]

Stewart can't catch up to the fastball and strikes out, two down. Barmes up.

[Ron Brand]

Nice catch of a popup by Manzella, down near the Jut of Death behind third to put the Rox down in the fourth.

[Lurch]

Brownie must have had money on a no-hitter tonight

[Ron Brand]

I still like the Goodson Honda commercials.

[Alkie]

What is that, moth balls?

You're not going to talk about me licking my dead grama's stamps again are you?

[Ron Brand]

You're not going to talk about me licking my dead grama's stamps again are you?

Only if it gets the thread locked.

[Ron Brand]

Leadoff walk for Puma and Lee's up.

[Alkie]

Only if it gets the thread locked.

I got news for you.   Tonight, it's you and me and the squirrel in Bidge's pocket.   No mods here to do your dirty work.

[Ron Brand]

Jimenez has given up one home run this year.

[Ron Brand]

I got news for you.   Tonight, it's you and me and the squirrel in Bidge's pocket.   No mods here to do your dirty work.

Damn. Transcontinental mano a mano.

[Ron Brand]

Lee fights off a pitch but pops it foul by the dugout and there's one down. Thunder Pants up.

[Ron Brand]

Pence!!! takes the up and in fastball to short for a 6-4-3 double play and we've finished four, down 3-0.

[Ron Brand]

Every time I see the beginning of that GMC Sierra commercial, with the blue tint and the slo mo of the dog turning its head, I think of Aphex Twin's Come to Daddy.

[HudsonHawk]

Pence!!! takes the up and in fastball to short for a 6-4-3 double play and we've finished four, down 3-0.

Actually, that was just a 6U-3 double play.  Not that it made it suck any less.

[Ron Brand]

Jimenez rolls to the third base line where Roy grabs it and just gets him at first, one down.

[Ron Brand]

Actually, that was just a 6U-3 double play.  Not that it made it suck any less.

You is right. I saw it and still wrote it down wrong.

[Ron Brand]

Gonzalez whiffs mightily on a fine Roy O curveball, two down.

[Ron Brand]

Smith rolls weakly to Keppinger to end the top of the fifth.

Brooks Conrad with the walk-off grand salami today to cap a seven run 9th and beat the Dickities, 10-9.

[Alkie]

Biggio walk.
Spiers at bat, Biggio steals second.
Spiers ground out, 4-3, Biggio takes third.  1 out.
Bagwell HR.   2-0 Astros.

[Ron Brand]

Biggio walk.
Spiers at bat, Biggio steals second.
Spiers ground out, 4-3, Biggio takes third.  1 out.
Bagwell HR.   2-0 Astros.

You playing Strat-O-Matic again?

[Alkie]

You playing Strat-O-Matic again?

I see what I want to see.

[Ron Brand]

Feliz grounds out to third.

I can't believe they're still doing the Taco Bell Hot Sauce race.

[Ron Brand]

I see what I want to see.

This could be a very useful skill.

Manzella strikes out.

[Alkie]

I can't believe they're still doing the Taco Bell Hot Sauce race.

Yes you can.

[Alkie]

When do you think the last time Pam Gardner was properly eaten out?

[Ron Brand]

Yes you can.

If only I could believe what I want to believe.

Q grounds out to end the fifth and the Good Guys are still down, 3-nil.

[Ron Brand]

When do you think the last time Pam Gardner was properly eaten out?

I'd really like to see that as the Fox Sports Trivia Question some night.

[OregonStrosFan]

I can't believe they're still doing the Taco Bell Hot Sauce race.

Speaking of which, Buffalo Wild Wings is now Official Buffalo Wing of your 2010 Houston Astros. That's right folks, make sure and top off that shitty game with some even shittier hot wings...

[Ron Brand]

Speaking of which, Buffalo Wild Wings is now Official Buffalo Wing of your 2010 Houston Astros. That's right folks, make sure and top off that shitty game with some even shittier hot wings...

Making flaming diarrhea the Official Post-Game Activity of the Houston Astros.

Helton singles up the middle.

[Ron Brand]

FIFY??

That's funny, I always saw her as more of a strap-on girl.

Tulo takes a wide curveball for strike 3 and jaws with the HPU for a bit. One down.

[Ron Brand]

Hawpe doubles Helton to third.

[Ron Brand]

Short grounder to Kepp by Olivo for a second out, runners do not advance. Stewart up.

[Ron Brand]

I wonder if Fuckhouse recommended this site to Pam.

[HudsonHawk]

I wonder if Fuckhouse recommended this site to Pam.

The Astros brass are keenly aware of this site.  They are not, however, too keen on it.

[Ron Brand]

The Astros brass are keenly aware of this site.  They are not, however, too keen on it.

This is doubly troubling.

[Alkie]

The Astros brass are keenly aware of this site.  They are not, however, too keen on it.

Who is.

[HudsonHawk]

Who is.

I know you only hang out here because you live in that social wasteland, where there's nothing to do after 7 pm.

[Alkie]

I know you only hang out here because you live in that social wasteland, where there's nothing to do after 7 pm.

Let me assure you, if I didn't have a 7 year old child and/or feel a responsibility to show up before my employees in the morning, you'd never see my ass on here after 5pm.

[Ron Brand]

I know you only hang out here because you live in that social wasteland, where there's nothing to do after 7 pm.

Columbia only plays day games?

[Ron Brand]

Stewart Ks to end the Rox half of the inning.

[Alkie]

Columbia only plays day games?

You know, I wouldn't put it past the Ivy League.  I know they're one of, what, two leagues that plays games regularly on Friday nights.

[OregonStrosFan]

From MLBTR: LINK

Troy Renck of The Denver Post writes that the recently DFA'ed Willy Taveras worked out in Houston this week.  The Astros offered Taveras a minor league deal over the winter, so Taveras' workout could represent a rekindling of the club's interest, or it could've just been a courtesy extended to a former Astro.

[Ron Brand]

Navarro PHing for Roy.

[Alkie]

From MLBTR: LINK

Troy Renck of The Denver Post writes that the recently DFA'ed Willy Taveras worked out in Houston this week.  The Astros offered Taveras a minor league deal over the winter, so Taveras' workout could represent a rekindling of the club's interest, or it could've just been a courtesy extended to a former Astro.

What this team needs is more powerless automatic outs.

[Ron Brand]

Navarro Ks on a breaking ball down and away. Bourn up.

[Ron Brand]

Bourn grounds out to SS, Kepp up with two outs.

[Ron Brand]

Keppinger breaks his bat and rolls out to third to end the sixth inning.

[HudsonHawk]

Let me assure you, if I didn't have a 7 year old child and/or feel a responsibility to show up before my employees in the morning, you'd never see my ass on here after 5pm.

I consider it a blessing that I've never seen your ass at all.

[Ron Brand]

Chacin in to pitch the 7th.

[Alkie]

I consider it a blessing that I've never seen your ass at all.

Except for that time.

The people have a right to know.   

I saw your big titties; it was only fair.

[Ron Brand]

Barmes pops up to Manzella.

With the shadow under his cap Chacin's glasses look kinda like mirror shades.

[Alkie]

Time for a bitching change.   This wine isn't getting me drunk fast enough.

[HudsonHawk]

Except for that time.

The people have a right to know.   

I saw your big titties; it was only fair.

That's not fair.  You offered me a hand job for $3.  You exploited my weakness.

[Ron Brand]

Feliz took his eye off of Jimenez' high hopper down the line and muffs it. Now they're looking at Jimenez at first, he pulled up running down the line and may be cramping.

[Ron Brand]

That's not fair.  You offered me a hand job for $3.  You exploited my weakness.

I hope it wasn't a weakness for bargains.

[HudsonHawk]

Time for a bitching change.   This wine isn't getting me drunk fast enough.

Glenlivet and an Oliva Serie G.  Works every time.

[HudsonHawk]

I hope it wasn't a weakness for bargains.

Trust me...that was no bargain.

[Ron Brand]

Gonzalez Ks, two down.

[Alkie]

That's not fair.  You offered me a hand job for $3.  You exploited my weakness.

Ah yes, your penchant for giving away those $3 bills. 

[Ron Brand]

Groundout 4-6 ends the top of the 7th. Jimenez still in, but barely jogged toward 2nd during the play.

[Alkie]

Trust me...that was no bargain.

Trust me...that was no handjob.

[Alkie]

Ron, you seem a decent fellow, why are you doing this to yourself?

[Ron Brand]

Ron, you seem a decent fellow, why are you doing this to yourself?

Strong masochistic streak? Common stupidity? Beats me.

[Ron Brand]

Puma flies out to the track in the shadow of the Crawford Boxes. Team meeting at the mound to evaluate Jimenez and everyone's friend Matty B. is up in the bullpen.

[Alkie]

Ain't nothing common about this kind of stupidity.

You'll notice exactly 4 people showed up for tonight's game.

[Alkie]

Puma flies out to the track in the shadow of the Crawford Boxes. Team meeting at the mound to evaluate Jimenez and everyone's friend Matty B. is up in the bullpen.

I went to high school with that guy and gave him a handjob for $3!

[Ron Brand]

Lee hits the first pitch down to Stewart at third and there's two down. Gunther up.

[HudsonHawk]

Ain't nothing common about this kind of stupidity.

You'll notice exactly 4 people showed up for tonight's game.

And I *have* to be here.

[Ron Brand]

Ain't nothing common about this kind of stupidity.

You'll notice exactly 4 people showed up for tonight's game.

I'll plead guilty to uncommon stupidity too.

[Ron Brand]

Pence!!! whiffs to end the inning.

[HudsonHawk]

If I'm the official scorer, I go ahead and change that error now. 

[Ron Brand]

If I'm the official scorer, I go ahead and change that error now.  

Just to make sure they have to run him out for two more innings?

I like your style.

[Alkie]

And I *have* to be here.

Right, exactly.   3 retards and the lifeguard showed up. 

[Ron Brand]

Helton rockets a leadoff double into Pence's Palace.

[HudsonHawk]

Well, looks like Jimenez is done.  Now they should REALLY change that hit to an error.

[Alkie]

So I wasn't here for the hit/error.  What happened?

[HudsonHawk]

So I wasn't here for the hit/error.  What happened?

Q with a broken bat roller to 3B.  Steward tried to barehand it, even though he didn't have to, and booted it. 

[Ron Brand]

So I wasn't here for the hit/error.  What happened?

I don't know. Somebody was selling handjobs and all this guy had was a $3 bill.

[austro]

Ain't nothing common about this kind of stupidity.

You'll notice exactly 4 people showed up for tonight's game.

5. I'm lurking while doing some work. But like Limey, I've got nothing left.

[HudsonHawk]

5. I'm lurking while doing some work. But like Limey, I've got nothing left.

Have you got $3?

[Ron Brand]

Tulo singles Helton to third. No outs.

[Alkie]

So it was clearly an error.

This is how the BBG choose to shine on our asses this year?   Gosh, thanks.

[Alkie]

Have you got $3?

Christ.  I'll get my glove and the puppet voice out.

[Ron Brand]

Christ.  I'll get my glove and the puppet voice out.

Do you have the Senor Wences box too?

[Ron Brand]

What the fuck was that?

[HudsonHawk]

So it was clearly an error.

Well, I wouldn't got that far.  With Q running, he had time to field it with the glove and make the play easily.  He rushed and tried to barehand it. 

[Alkie]

Do you have the Senor Wences box too?

Man, you ARE old.

[Alkie]

Well, I wouldn't got that far.  With Q running, he had time to field it with the glove and make the play easily.  He rushed and tried to barehand it. 

So.  Clearly an error.

[HudsonHawk]

What the fuck was that?

If you saw Carlos Lee barrelling down on your ass, you'd back off too.

[Ron Brand]

Hawpe flies out to LCF except Bourn nor Lee catch the ball, they let it drop between them and Helton scores.

[Ron Brand]

Man, you ARE old.

S'arright.

[HudsonHawk]

So.  Clearly an error.

Apparently not.

[Ron Brand]

So.  Clearly an error.

JD said that the choice to barehand the ball usually gets miscues ruled as hits.

[austro]

Have you got $3?

I game my last $3 to some big guy who said that $3 and a tittie flash would get him a hand job.

[Alkie]

S'arright.

This is great.  Not only is it the most predictably awful game of the season (or something) we are now making Ed Sullivan ref jokes.   You girls need to get me something stronger to drink.

[HudsonHawk]

I game my last $3 to some big guy who said that $3 and a tittie flash would get him a hand job.

I hope you got your money's worth.

[Ron Brand]

Wilton Lopez in to chunk to Olivo, who hits a fly to Bourn. One out, runners still at first and second.

[Alkie]

I hope you got your money's worth.

Bargain.

Best he's ever had.

[HudsonHawk]

This is great.  Not only is it the most predictably awful game of the season (or something) we are now making Ed Sullivan ref jokes.   You girls need to get me something stronger to drink.

I told you what you needed. 

[Ron Brand]

This is great.  Not only is it the most predictably awful game of the season (or something) we are now making Ed Sullivan ref jokes.   You girls need to get me something stronger to drink.

Topo Gigio, comin' up.

[Ron Brand]

Stewart flies out, Barmes up.

[Alkie]

I told you what you needed. 

You suggested I ditch my family and go to the Village for jazz and a race to the bottom of a bottle of bargain scotch?

[Ron Brand]

Barmes flies out to Bourn and it's 4-0.

[HudsonHawk]

You suggested I ditch my family and go to the Village for jazz and a race to the bottom of a bottle of bargain scotch?

I suggested scotch.  And a cigar.  I suggest you don't skimp on either.

[austro]

I'm pretty sure that somehow HH's recap is going involve $3 and unhappy endings.

[Ron Brand]

It's that Matt Belisle guy pitching.

[Alkie]

I suggested scotch.  And a cigar.  I suggest you don't skimp on either.

Here's the problem.

I'd either have to
1) walk alllllllllllll the way to the end of the block to get scotch and a cigar OR
2) wait something like 35 minutes for the place on 32nd to deliver them to me.

I'm just not sure I have the motivation for either of those right now.

[austro]

It's that Matt Belisle guy pitching.

Well, at least the Raups will get a happy ending.

[Ron Brand]

I'm pretty sure that somehow HH's recap is going involve $3 and unhappy endings.

The Dogged Victims of Inexorable Fate.

[Alkie]

It's that Matt Belisle guy pitching.

Talk about fucking bums.

[HudsonHawk]

Here's the problem.

I'd either have to
1) walk alllllllllllll the way to the end of the block to get scotch and a cigar OR
2) wait something like 35 minutes for the place on 32nd to deliver them to me.

I'm just not sure I have the motivation for either of those right now.

Then I question your dedication.

[Ron Brand]

Feliz Ks.

[Alkie]

Then I question your dedication.

I don't know why you would.

I'm not the one in this relationship that has changed.  Same as it ever was.

[Alkie]

Feliz Ks.

Ron, you're a trooper and a bad monstertrucker, but dude.   I dont' know if you've noticed, NO ONE cares about the game anymore.

[Ron Brand]

Manzella drops a perfect bunt down the 3B line to get on and that's two hits for the Good Guys tonight.

[Alkie]

MATTY B breaks up the no-hit-sort-of bid!

[HudsonHawk]

I don't know why you would.

I'm not the one in this relationship that has changed.  Same as it ever was.

Then maybe I've outgrown you.

[Ron Brand]

Ron, you're a trooper and a bad monstertrucker, but dude.   I dont' know if you've noticed, NO ONE cares about the game anymore.

I'm resisting your evil temptations. It's all about posterity now.

[Alkie]

Then maybe I've outgrown you.

It's not you, it's me.

[Ron Brand]

Q whiffs. 2 Ks for Belisle.

[Ron Brand]

Sullivan flies out to center and we're on to the 9th, down 4-0.

[HudsonHawk]

Jack's old lady is pretty fucking hot.

[Alkie]

Jack's old lady is pretty fucking hot.

Link?

[Ron Brand]

Fulchino in to nail this fucker down.

[Ron Brand]

That yelling sounds like the VC from Apocalypse Now.

GI! HEEEEEEYYYYY GIIIIII!

[MusicMan]

Manzella drops a perfect bunt down the 3B line to get on and that's two hits for the Good Guys tonight.

If this team is going to be bad, then I want HISTORICALLY bad.  Like "fewest runs in a 162 game schedule" bad.  Like "40 wins" bad.

What ever you're doing, dedicate yourself FULLY to it.

[MusicMan]

Why was there a giant breast drawn on the screen?

[Alkie]

That yelling sounds like the VC from Apocalypse Now.

GI! HEEEEEEYYYYY GIIIIII!

Seriously, are you in your 90s?

[Ron Brand]

Leadoff walk.

[Alkie]

Why was there a giant breast drawn on the screen?

AHHH!  BRIGHT LIGHT!  BRIGHT LIGHT!  Close the fucking door and get out.  This is a party of 4.5.  You're not invited.

[OregonStrosFan]

I'm resisting your evil temptations. It's all about posterity now.

Hey, at least there is a pointy hat coming your way in the near future...

[Ron Brand]

Seriously, are you in your 90s?

Either I'm remarkably well preserved or I have a decent memory. Or neither.

[Ron Brand]

Hey, at least there is a pointy hat coming your way in the near future...

Yeah, that's my secret driving ambition.

[MusicMan]

AHHH!  BRIGHT LIGHT!  BRIGHT LIGHT!  Close the fucking door and get out.  This is a part of 4.5.  You're not invited.

Between last night's postage stamps and tonights trivia question, this party will be a lemon party by June.

[Ron Brand]

Fowler steals second.

[austro]

Between last night's postage stamps and tonights trivia question, this party will be a lemon party by June.

Two lemons, one party.

[Alkie]

Between last night's postage stamps and tonights trivia question, this party will be a lemon party by June.

You notice no one has correctly answered tonight's question.

[Ron Brand]

You notice no one has correctly answered tonight's question.

Or even attempted it at all.

[Ron Brand]

Gonzalez Ks, one down.

[HudsonHawk]

Or even attempted it at all.

I must have missed it.

[Alkie]

Or even attempted it at all.

Or even attempted it at all.

[MusicMan]

You notice no one has correctly answered tonight's question.

To quote My Cousin Vinny:

"It's a bullshit question.  It's impossible to answer."

[Alkie]

I'd hit that bitch.

[Ron Brand]

Q guns down the speedy Fowler as he fucks with the unwritten rules. Bitch.

[HudsonHawk]

Q is pissed.

[austro]

Trying to steal 3rd on Q with a LH batter up? Foolish boy.

[Ron Brand]

Smith walks and Helton's up.

[Ron Brand]

No reason at all to steal third in the 9th when you're up 4-0. If he bats again he should taste dirt.

[Ron Brand]

Helton walks and Fulchino seems to have no control at all.

[Ron Brand]

Fulchino is searching for his motion, it's all over the place.

[MusicMan]

No reason at all to steal third in the 9th when you're up 4-0. If he bats again he should taste dirt.

Payback will come in Denver.

[OregonStrosFan]

No reason at all to steal third in the 9th when you're up 4-0. If he bats again he should taste dirt.

Bullshit.  The top of the Astros order is up to bat in the B9 and no team is is safe from having a 5-spot put on them in a half-inning from that crew this year...

[Alkie]

Fulchino is searching for his motion, it's all over the place.

Oooh!  I found it.  In Round Rock.

[Ron Brand]

But he fights back to strike out Tulo and we go to the bottom of the 9th.

[HudsonHawk]

That'll teach Tulowutziznuts to bitch about the strike zone.

[believin]

I'm resisting your evil temptations. It's all about posterity now.

I'm here.  Reading GZ and listening to Milo.

[Ron Brand]

Oooh!  I found it.  In Round Rock.

Nice.

[MusicMan]

I'm here.  Reading GZ and listening to Milo.

Christ, do you jerk off with sandpaper, too?

[Ron Brand]

I'm here.  Reading GZ and listening to Milo.

God help you, son.

[HudsonHawk]

Bullshit.  The top of the Astros order is up to bat in the B9 and no team is is safe from having a 5-spot put on them in a half-inning from that crew this year...

The Reds took a 7 run lead to the 9th earlier today, and lost. 

[Alkie]

Christ, do you jerk off with sandpaper, too?

That's better than what I was going to write.    +1

[Ron Brand]

Manny Corpas in to close. Bourn up.

[OregonStrosFan]

Christ, do you jerk off with sandpaper, too?

I'd nominate that'n for a POTW if there were such a thing (as a POTW)...

[Ron Brand]

The Reds took a 7 run lead to the 9th earlier today, and lost. 

True, but it doesn't make that SB attempt right.

[Ron Brand]

Bourn singles, Kepp up.

[believin]

God help you, son.

I am still in China.  Back in Singapore next week, where I can actually start to watch the games on mlb.tv.  Looking forward to that.

It's all about perspective, when moaning about the lousy season...

[MusicMan]

The Reds took a 7 run lead to the 9th earlier today, and lost. 

How many times this year have the AStros scored 5 runs in an inning?

[Ron Brand]

Fuck, it's the Kiss My Astros crew doing the yelling.

[Ron Brand]

Kepp grounds into the first half of a double play. Puma up.

[MusicMan]

Fact: the Astros are on pace to have the team leader in RBI's end up with 64 - and it would be Jeff Keppinger.

[austro]

Fact: the Astros are on pace to have the team leader in RBI's end up with 64.

One guy is going to drive in 50% of the runs?

[Alkie]

Fact: the Astros are on pace to have the team leader in RBI's end up with 64 - and it would be Jeff Keppinger.

Fact:  Math + 2010 Astros = You Angry

[OregonStrosFan]

The Reds took a 7 run lead to the 9th earlier today, and lost. 

Dude, I'm talking about the Astros.  If they score 5 I'll pay Alkie the $3 he requires to come give you a happy ending.  Or fondle your boobs. Or whatever he fondly remembers the two of y'all doing.  Before you changed.

[Ron Brand]

Puma pops up to 2B for the second out. Lee up.

[Ron Brand]

It's a big ol' shit sandwich, and we've all got to take a bite.

[hostros7]

How many times this year have the AStros scored 5 runs in an inning?

Wasn't this the scrap iron rallying cry?

[chuck]

Lee versus Corpas - Panamanian on Panamanian action.

[Ron Brand]

Lee lines out to left to end the fun and the Good Guys lose, 4-0. 14-27 on the season now.

[Mr. Happy]

Shitfuck

[austro]

Lee lines out to left to end the fun and the Good Guys lose, 4-0. 14-27 on the season now.

And six shutouts.

[Ron Brand]

Fuckshit.

[94CougarGrad]

Lee versus Corpas - Panamanian on Panamanian action.

2007, revisited.

[Ron Brand]

I'd love to stick around for the postgame, but I've got to go pound some Lipitor.

[HudsonHawk]

Fuck and shit...in all their possible combinations.

[Alkie]

Oh NOW everyone shows up. 

[Ron Brand]

Oh NOW everyone shows up. 

It's a celebration, bitches!

[HudsonHawk]

I'd love to stick around for the postgame, but I've got to go pound some Lipitor Geritol.

FIFY

[Ron Brand]

FIFY

Speak into the horn, sonny.

[MusicMan]

Lee lines out to left to end the fun and the Good Guys lose, 4-0. 14-27 on the season now.

This is who they are.  I will be suprised if they avoid losing 100.

[MusicMan]

Fact:  Math + 2010 Astros = You Angry

Formula holds true for math=all known numbers.

[HudsonHawk]

This is who they are.  I will be suprised if they avoid losing 100.

They're going to have to improve significantly to avoid losing 120.

[Alkie]

They're going to have to improve significantly to avoid losing 120.

Well hey, at least we get John Wall, Turnover Machine in the draft.

[94CougarGrad]

Speak into the horn, sonny.

In *MY* day...

[94CougarGrad]

Oh NOW everyone shows up. 

Explaining the absolute value of integers to a sixth grader takes some time.

[HudsonHawk]

Explaining the absolute value of integers to a sixth grader takes some time.

You sure you just weren't avoiding the handjob jokes?

[MusicMan]

Well hey, at least we get John Wall, Turnover Machine in the draft.

Who is John Wall?

[Alkie]

Who is John Wall?

Indeed.

[OregonStrosFan]

New Yahoo power rankings.  LINK

24. Seattle Mariners (14-26; Previous: 21) – Milton returns, says therapy worked pretty well, secretly believes Piniella will try to take credit for that, too.

26. Cleveland Indians (15-23; Previous: 26) – After blowing save (to smithereens), Wood throws glove into stands. Fan ropes it into left-center field gap.

28. Milwaukee Brewers (15-25; Previous: 24) – Club announces Hoffman won’t close games for a while. So, business as usual.

29. Houston Astros (14-26; Previous: 28) – Berkman volunteers to be first one out, hopes not to be trampled by Oswalt.

[Limey]

When do you think the last time Pam Gardner was properly eaten out?

In college, while experimenting, before her vagina healed over.

[Limey]

That's not fair.  You offered me a hand job for $3.  You exploited my weakness.

Alkie only offered you $3 to give you a handjob?  I usually make him pay at least $5 before I let him touch my junk.

[94CougarGrad]

You sure you just weren't avoiding the handjob jokes?

I would have had a complete handle on that.






Limey'll be in his bunk.

[JimR]

Talk about fucking bums.

pardon me? explain this, please.

[Alkie]

pardon me? explain this, please.

You're too easy, Jim.  I can't believe it took almost 12 hours for a response.

[JimR]

You're too easy, Jim.  I can't believe it took almost 12 hours for a response.

i do not sit at the computer after i get home from work. i just read it this morning. is that your explanation--just trying to irritate me? if so, it worked.