August 4th, 2009 - Juicy. Oiled. Tits.

[Alkie]

Work your magic, baby.

[Lurch]

JD and Brownie doing their part by spending the first inning piling on Paulino and his horrid numbers.

[Alkie]

Some man with an ERA in the 7s appears to be in an Astros uniform and standing in Roy's spot on the mound.

[Alkie]

I take it back, that out brought his ERA to 6.99.

Success!

[Alkie]

So it's gonna be THAT kind of GZ, is it?

Sweet, did I manage to start an entire THREAD that is on Ignore?

[Alkie]

Proof lineups mean shit:

The Giants, who are very much in playoff contention, have a catcher hitting .258 batting clean up.

[Alkie]

Proof lineups mean shit:

The Giants, who are very much in playoff contention, have a catcher hitting .258 batting clean up.

Idiot.

[Lurch]

It's cool.  This was Hampton's game plan last night too.  Rope a dope.

[Alkie]

Idiot.

Look, what do you want from me?   I'm the only person in here and I've got to talk about something.

[Alkie]

Look, what do you want from me?   I'm the only person in here and I've got to talk about something.

Fair enough.

Carry on.

He's hitting .260 now, though.

[Lurch]

Idiot.

Can you put yourself on ignore?

[Alkie]

It's cool.  This was Hampton's game plan last night too.  Rope a dope.

How'd you get in here?

Get off my lawn.

Get off my propatee.

[Alkie]

Can you put yourself on ignore?

Oooooh.   I like that.

[Lurch]

I like the Sister Mary Catherine commercial.  But next time it plays, note the size of the drink.

[Alkie]

1-0 Jints thru half an inning.

This inning brought to you by My Huge Balls.     Does your wife have a mycum deficiency?    Or your daughter?   Do you find that your hot female family members are sorely missing mycum from their skin, mostly around their face and breasts?   Or possibly they are seriously low on mycum in their vagina.   My Huge Balls.  Makes a great gift.

[Alkie]

Those lead off, seven pitch walks will fucking kill you.

Did you know 37% of all lead off walks come home to score?   That's less than half and since you either score or you don't, basically no lead off walks come home to score?   Kill yourself.

[Alkie]

Bourn steals second.

About to complete the first HR ever without contact.

[Alkie]

Matsui strikes out trying to bunt Bourn over by not trying to bunt him over.

[Alkie]

PENCE, hitting 3rd, catching, and hitting .258, grounds out to 2nd.   Bourn to 3rd.   

The circle is almost complete.

[Alkie]

Lee intentionally walked.   Corners, 2 outs, Tejada coming up.

NEVER.   INTENTIONALLY WALK.   ANYONE.   TO GET.   TO ANOTHER.  POSITION PLAYER.

[Alkie]

NEVER.   INTENTIONALLY WALK.   ANYONE.   TO GET.   TO ANOTHER.  POSITION PLAYER.

Unless it's Miggy Tejada.

3 outs.   Way to piss away a lead off walk.   Which never comes in to score.

[Alkie]

I've got you on ignore.  What did you say?

[Alkie]

I've got you on ignore.  What did you say?

Me?   Even if I told you here, you wouldn't know because it would be ignored right?

[Alkie]

Me?   Even if I told you here, you wouldn't know because it would be ignored right?

I SAID
WHAT
DID
YOU
SAY

[Alkie]

I'm trying to tell you, homo, if you have me on ignore, you'll never know.   Just unignore me and read it and then put me back on ignore.

[Alkie]

Game's back on.

[Alkie]

Game's back on.

Oh cool, thanks man.  I can't watch it here because I'm out on the terrace enjoying a thunderstorm.

[Alkie]

Oh cool, thanks man.  I can't watch it here because I'm out on the terrace enjoying a thunderstorm.

NO ONE.   Want to hear about the motherfucking terrace anymore.

[Alkie]

NO ONE.   Want to hear about the motherfucking terrace anymore.

The view is so kick ass, you know what we're calling it now?

[Alkie]

The view is so kick ass, you know what we're calling it now?

Please don't.   Really.   Look, mister.  Take my wallet.   Please don't hurt my family.  No punchlines!  PLEASE!  THINK OF THE CHILRENS.

[Alkie]

Please don't.   Really.   Look, mister.  Take my wallet.   Please don't hurt my family.  No punchlines!  PLEASE!  THINK OF THE CHILRENS.

Fine.  Your loss.   

[Alkie]

Good thing I don't believe in god or fate.

It just started raining.   You're spared by Acts of Nature.

[Alkie]

Randall Winn with a single, goes to 2nd on a ground out.

Man on 2nd, one out.  1-0 notus.

[Alkie]

Rent-a-Ria singles.   Corners, one out.   1-0.   But......for how......long.

[Alkie]

What an outstanding waste of an out.

Nothing like creating your second out while moving someone from 1st to 2nd when you had runners on the corners.

[Alkie]

So I was running this thing from my terrace, via Gamecast.   Then the winds came.   And the Arabs.   And soon my laptop became airborne. 

So I'm back inside with real video and JD and Brownie.  Which is good, because last night we had Kuip and Bip; which, if you hadn't hated Kruk and Kuip enough, was worse.

[BizidyDizidy]

This is terrifying and yet I can't turn away

[Alkie]

MONSTER.   TRUCKER.

Basehit.

2-0 Giants.

[Alkie]

This is terrifying and yet I can't turn away

I don't remember typing this.

NOE, YOUR SITE IS BROKEN.

[Alkie]

Does anyone else remember how thin and pretty my wife was until she started reading over my shoulder?

[Alkie]

Does anyone else remember how thin and pretty my wife was until she started reading over my shoulder?

Show us her tits!

[Alkie]

Show us her tits!

You sir, are Ron Brand.

[Alkie]

You sir, are Ron Brand.

No, I'm you.  And you've seen her tits.  Wait, I asked.   Why did I just take the 3rd person back?   How would I know?  You.  No YOU.  Infinity.

[Alkie]

Freddy Sanchez is a Giant now and for some reason, his Giants uniform has shit on his face, too.

[BizidyDizidy]

He doesn't need anyone reinforcing the notion that its his site.

[Alkie]

JD announces Lance has a less than 50% chance of coming off the DL Friday. 

And made it clear you should plan for the worst.

[Alkie]

He doesn't need anyone reinforcing the notion that its his site.

WHO'S TALKING?   WHERE IS THAT NOISE COMING FROM?

WALDO - YOUR SITE IS BROKEN.

[Alkie]

Inning over somehow. 

2-0 Giants.

I will go way out on a limb and predict a 9-0 Giants win tonight.   Can you math majors out there figure out my formula?

That's right.  I totally made it up.

[Alkie]

OOH!   A commercial for a gas station.

I haven't seen one of these in 2 months.

Our gas stations here are just as plentiful and are on every corner, but they have no pumps for some reason.

[BizidyDizidy]

On a side note - who would have thought itd be easier to watch the game in NYC than Dallas - can you please discuss this ridiculous situation with your MLB exec.

[Alkie]

OOH!   A commercial for a gas station.

I haven't seen one of these in 2 months.

Our gas stations here are just as plentiful and are on every corner, but they have no pumps for some reason.

I'm fucking serious dude, not one motherfucker on this site wants to hear about NYC.   We live in Texas.   We love Texas.  NYC is for steers and queers.   And you ain't got no dick in your anus, do ya boy?   Just shut the fuck up about it already.

[Alkie]

On a side note - who would have thought itd be easier to watch the game in NYC than Dallas - can you please discuss this ridiculous situation with your MLB exec.

Oh SURE.  I'll just tell him........there's this voice in my fucking eyebrow, see, and it wants to know why I can get the Astros game in NYC but not Dallas. 

And you know what he'll say, as he slowly backs away, taking my last cigarette and my wife?   "Because Dallas is a shithole."

And he'll be right.

[Alkie]

I'm fucking serious dude, not one motherfucker on this site wants to hear about NYC.   We live in Texas.   We love Texas.  NYC is for steers and queers.   And you ain't got no dick in your anus, do ya boy?   Just shut the fuck up about it already.

No one makes you read this shit.   Go play with your kid or have a beer with your dogs.   Or play in the rain.   Long walk, short pier.  That sort of thing.

[Ron Brand]

Watching Blinky pitch is like watching someone light cigarettes while they fill up at a gas station.

[BizidyDizidy]

Well he and I see eye to eye on that issue, but I'd still like to watch the games

[Alkie]

Watching Blinky pitch is like watching someone light cigarettes while they fill up at a gas station.

You, sir, are Ron Brand.

[Mr. Happy]

I've already seen too much of Paulino.

[Ron Brand]

You, sir, are Ron Brand.

Guilty. Guilty as tits.

[Alkie]

HOW CARLOS LEE PACKS FOR ROADTRIPS:

1) Very carefully
2) However he wants, he's an 800 pound gorilla
3) "SI!   NO!   SI!   SI!   NO!"
4) One.  Leg.   At a time.

[Alkie]

I've already seen too much of Paulino.

Coop hasn't.

Lucky us.

[Ron Brand]

He's at what - 55 pitches? Two more innings, tops.

[BizidyDizidy]

Could one of the Alkies tell the score?

[Alkie]

He's at what - 55 pitches? Two more innings, tops.

Pitch counts are for sissys and token Black managers.

I did not say that.

Also, it is 2-0 Giants.

[Alkie]

Sandoval makes Sandoval look stupid.

Then Paulino does the same thing.

[Mr. Happy]

Damn Paulino got a K.

[Alkie]

Proof lineups mean shit:

The Giants, who are very much in playoff contention, have a catcher hitting .258 batting clean up.

You are truly gifted.

[Ron Brand]

At least Blinky is starting them out with fastballs now, instead of getting behind 2-0 on that curve that he can't locate.

[Alkie]

Paulino hits Garko who makes zero attempt to get out of the way with his Biggio.

[Ron Brand]

Fuck. Paulino is going to need a lot of work to shake off how screwed up he is now.

[Lurch]

Here comes the meltdown

[BizidyDizidy]

A fellow Stanford grad (although I'm not sure if he graduated)

[Alkie]

Bases loaded.  Paulino can't buy a fucking break.  He has nothing to use to purchase a break, but if he did......

[BizidyDizidy]

I haven't met him so cannot comment on his effeteness and/or snobbery

[Alkie]

2 run single right past Baggy.

4-0 Giants.

[Ron Brand]

Does this mean that he'll go through the 4th to keep that 9.00 ERA?

[Alkie]

I haven't met him so cannot comment on his effeteness and/or snobbery

Does he live in NYC?

[Alkie]

DOUBLE PLAY!

4-0 Giants.   ERA is safe.

[Ron Brand]

WW up in the pen, so I guess he drew the short straw.

[Jacksonian]

2 run single right past Baggy.

4-0 Giants.

That is a hell of a long single.

[BizidyDizidy]

I'd guess he's taken the opportunity to move back to bay area - of my group of 10 or so closest friends, 8 stayed out there, one in manhattan at cornell med, and me wasting my life astro-less in dallas.

[Alkie]

I'd guess he's taken the opportunity to move back to bay area - of my group of 10 or so closest friends, 8 stayed out there, one in manhattan at cornell med, and me wasting my life astro-less in dallas.

Wait, you live in Dallas?  When did that happen?   And why?

[Ron Brand]

At least Alkie lets us in on the other side of the conversation in his head.

I think there are enough sides to make Picasso dizzy.

[Alkie]

At least Alkie lets us in on the other side of the conversation in his head.

We're both attention whores.  I'm just better at it.

[Alkie]

SANCHEZ IS THROWING A NO HITTER.

[BizidyDizidy]

Did you think I was campaigning for the good people of dallas just because of my mission to end the HOU-DAL rivalry?

Took a job with an oil and gas startup up here (former client).

[Ron Brand]

Hey, it's the Mini Sirloin Burger commercial!

[Alkie]

Did you think I was campaigning for the good people of dallas just because of my mission to end the HOU-DAL rivalry?

Took a job with an oil and gas startup up here (former client).

You know the O&G companies are in Houston, right?

[Ron Brand]

You know the O&G companies are in Houston, right?

Houston's full, so the next stop was Dallas.

[BizidyDizidy]

The worst part is every single person there would rather be in Houston.

[Alkie]

The worst part is every single person there would rather be in Houston.

you.
don't.
say.

[Ron Brand]

Christ, Matsui, make an effort.

[Ron Brand]

Alkie must be using his Weisshole.

[Lurch]

As a kid, he wanted to emulate Omar Vizquel, so he ate him.

[BizidyDizidy]

Incidentally Alkie - the wife and I are planning to come to manhattan for labor day - I assume your guest bedroom is available.

[Ron Brand]

4 innings, 4 runs, his ERA is intact.

[Alkie]

Incidentally Alkie - the wife and I are planning to come to manhattan for labor day - I assume your guest bedroom is available.

Labor Day.   Yes.   You're the FIRST person I know who thought to ask if they could come visit us in NYC on a 3 day weekend.

[BizidyDizidy]

You drive a hard bargain - I am willing to sleep on the terrace.

I would never have thought this, but it seems hotel rooms manhattan are a little pricy.

[Alkie]

You drive a hard bargain - I am willing to sleep on the terrace.

I would never have thought this, but it seems hotel rooms manhattan are a little pricy.

On a 3 day weekend?   To end summer?   I'm surprised to hear this.

Where are you looking?   What part of town you want to be in?   What kind of room you need?  I've found some decent little gems at a fraction of the silly places on the east side that you see on expedia.

[BizidyDizidy]

Ill probably just stay at some shitty starwood on points - despite taking a major hit on the honeymoon, I've still got a few left from the consulting days.

[Alkie]

Ill probably just stay at some shitty starwood on points - despite taking a major hit on the honeymoon, I've still got a few left from the consulting days.

What part of town?

[Alkie]

Strike em out, throw em out. 

The.  Suck.

[BizidyDizidy]

There's a sheraton four points near times square, but it doesn't matter much to me - I also haven't asked my cornell friend - can't remember what his apt situation is.

[Ron Brand]

That's some fine aggressive play right there.

[Alkie]

There's a sheraton four points near times square, but it doesn't matter much to me - I also haven't asked my cornell friend - can't remember what his apt situation is.

If that's the Four Points in Koreatown, skip it unless you really like the smell of fresh, hot, Korean fish market garbage.

[Alkie]

Pence is 10 of 18 in stolen bases.

That's not bad.   That's off-the-charts dangerous.   That means he's cost the team very real runs.  Not just aggressive plays that didn't pan out.   10 of 18.  Wow.

[BizidyDizidy]

Knife goes in, guts go out...

[Lurch]

How the hell is he going to give up a third of a run?

[Alkie]

How the hell is he going to give up a third of a run?

It's Christmas, Theo.

[Ron Brand]

Ugly, ugly night at the ballpark.

[MusicMan]

captain obvious checking in:

paulino is not a good pitcher

pence is widely overrated

sandoval is fat

alkie's character is fairly bored

[Alkie]

captain obvious checking in:
alkie's character is fairly bored

Where did JaneDoe, chuck, and homer go?   Remember when they were in the GZ?   Me too.

[SaltyParker]

That this team can't figure out a way to bring up Bazardo is beyond words

[Ron Brand]

That this team can't figure out a way to bring up Bazardo is beyond words

Maybe they were waiting to see this outing from Blinky? What else do they need to be convinced?

[Alkie]

Dumbest fans in baseball.

[Alkie]

Someone just shot up a gym in Pittsburg.

[SaltyParker]

was he screaming something about can't take anymore trades

[Ron Brand]

Someone just shot up a gym in Pittsburg.

Five dead, up to 15 injured.

[The Spleen]

Five dead, up to 15 injured.

But can he pitch?

[Alkie]

But can he pitch?

If not, is he available for the Astros to sign?

[Alkie]

That's right.

Tonight was THAT GZ.

[SaltyParker]

Send Wright down, bring Bazardo up. What is so difficult about that decision.

[Alkie]

Options. 

[Ron Brand]

That's right.

Tonight was THAT GZ.

Bubbling like the plague in my veins.

[Ron Brand]

Kata? Who the hell is this guy?

[BizidyDizidy]

I don't understand what the option issue is - thay they can't send him down later this year and be sure to bring him back up?

[austro]

They're giving him his farewell AB, because he's probably the guy going down when Erstad comes back, even though by all rights it ought to be Michaels.

[Ron Brand]

I don't understand what the option issue is - thay they can't send him down later this year and be sure to bring him back up?

Bazardo or Kata?

[austro]

I don't understand what the option issue is - thay they can't send him down later this year and be sure to bring him back up?

Right. If they bring him up, they can't just send him back down. They would have to put him through waivers.

[austro]

Bazardo or Kata?

Bazardo.

[BizidyDizidy]

But he's a free agent after this year? Sounds like a bullshit issue

[Ron Brand]

From that ol' demon Wikipedia: If a player is on the 40-man roster and not the active 25 man roster for any part of more than three seasons (in which he spent 20 or more total days of service in the minors), he is out of options and may not be assigned to the minors without first clearing waivers. However, if a player has less than 5 years of professional experience, he may be optioned to the minors in a fourth season without being subject to waivers. If a major league player is ineligible for free agency and "has options" remaining, his team may option him to a minor league team without consequence.

[Ron Brand]

But he's a free agent after this year? Sounds like a bullshit issue

No, they can put him on the roster and keep him around, which is what they'll probably do. I have no idea why they won't commit now though.

[SaltyParker]

Right. If they bring him up, they can't just send him back down. They would have to put him through waivers.

so what, its not like there aren't several pitchers we could part with. They must be afraid he can't keep his ERA under 7.50 for August

[Alkie]

From that ol' demon Wikipedia: If a player is on the 40-man roster and not the active 25 man roster for any part of more than three seasons (in which he spent 20 or more total days of service in the minors), he is out of options and may not be assigned to the minors without first clearing waivers. However, if a player has less than 5 years of professional experience, he may be optioned to the minors in a fourth season without being subject to waivers. If a major league player is ineligible for free agency and "has options" remaining, his team may option him to a minor league team without consequence.

So now then.   Can we stop asking this since we all know that as poorly run as this team sort of is right now, they'd obviously have called up TheAnswer by now if it was doable?

[Alkie]

so what, its not like there aren't several pitchers we could part with. They must be afraid he can't keep his ERA under 7.50 for August

Because they have to assume Roy and Wandy come back and that the DL'd players come back too.   So then the question becomes why are we keeping Hampton, Michaels, Burke or Lane?

Sorry, it just sounded so right.

[chuck]

Where did JaneDoe, chuck, and homer go?   Remember when they were in the GZ?   Me too.

What? I'm watching Bizarre Foods. The fat guy's about to eat fried ocelot fur and a custard made of grasshopper spit. He's in Edmonton, I think.

Is Wesley Wright still mowin' 'em down?

[Ron Brand]

So now then.   Can we stop asking this since we all know that as poorly run as this team sort of is right now, they'd obviously have called up TheAnswer by now if it was doable?

I don't agree that it's poorly run. It's poorly managed, and I don't understand some of their decisions, but that doesn't make it poorly run.

[Alkie]

I don't agree that it's poorly run. It's poorly managed, and I don't understand some of their decisions, but that doesn't make it poorly run.

That was actually what I was referring to.

The on field run-ning.

[Alkie]

What? I'm watching Bizarre Foods. The fat guy's about to eat fried ocelot fur and a custard made of grasshopper spit. He's in Edmonton, I think.

It's funny because he is a chef who can't speak basic kitchen Spanish and because he's dreadfully unfunny.  

Is Wesley Wright still mowin' 'em down?

I doubt WW would eat that shit.

[Ron Brand]

That was actually what I was referring to.

The on field run-ning.

Then you, sir, are spot on. I don't know how much input or weight Coop has on who comes up or who goes down though.

[Alkie]

Then you, sir, are spot on. I don't know how much input or weight Coop has on who comes up or who goes down though.

Zero.

I'm positive of that.

[chuck]

It's funny because he is a chef who can't speak basic kitchen Spanish and because he's dreadfully unfunny.   

Wait. He's supposed to be funny? I thought he was just the dumb fat kid eating alone in the cafeteria who'd eat any fucked up combination of slop just to get noticed.

Damn. I thought Carlos might have had that one.

[Alkie]

Wait. He's supposed to be funny? I thought he was just the dumb fat kid eating alone in the cafeteria who'd eat any fucked up combination of slop just to get noticed.

No, that's 100% true, but yeah, we stopped watching it when I just couldn't take any more of his MUCHOS GARCIAS! or his "witty" banter.

Damn. I thought Carlos might have had that one.

He did.   We need a shorter porch in left.  I'm thinking more seats in play.   You listening Drayton?

[Ron Brand]

We need a shorter porch in left.  I'm thinking more seats in play.   You listening Drayton?

Seats in play. Genius!

[Alkie]

Seats in play. Genius!

Actually, this made me think of something to say which made me start thinking......what the fuck ever happened to Richie Sexson?

[Ron Brand]

Actually, this made me think of something to say which made me start thinking......what the fuck ever happened to Richie Sexson?

After being released by the Yankees? Maybe working on his blood pressure.

[chuck]

Actually, this made me think of something to say which made me start thinking......what the fuck ever happened to Richie Sexson?

He plays power forward for Erdemir Zonguldak in the Turkish league.

You like Bourdain?

[Ron Brand]

At least when JD and Brownie give up on a game, they come up with something like Yogi Youngblood.

[Alkie]

He plays power forward for Erdemir Zonguldak in the Turkish league.

Right.  I knew that.  I knew that.

You like Bourdain?

You know, I do.   He has a tendency to dwell on his dinosaur-rock past, but I do like his general outlook on food and tend to agree with him on most food issues.   Totally by accident (I found out AFTER it became our favorite place), his favorite brunch spot in NYC is our favorite brunch spot.   So, I think it's safe to say I could have a beer with the guy and not want to kill him.   Or something.

[SaltyParker]

He plays power forward for Erdemir Zonguldak in the Turkish league.

You like Bourdain?

yeah, I enjoy watching him

[SaltyParker]

Wright doing everything he can to give up that 9th run

[chuck]

I like him too. I like his books well enough. I wish the various tv networks would let him stretch out a bit and do more of what he does well and not any of the fake shit that seems to be obligatory.

What the FUCK is Drayton Jr Jr reading?

[Ron Brand]

Wright doing everything he can to give up that 9th run

I was wondering if he'd do it here or wait for the 9th. I'm on pins and needles.

[SaltyParker]

Who pitches the 9th?

[Alkie]

I like him too. I like his books well enough. I wish the various tv networks would let him stretch out a bit and do more of what he does well and not any of the fake shit that seems to be obligatory.

We've said ourselves that if he was on HBO or something, it would be the best food show ever put on tv.   

What the FUCK is Drayton Jr Jr reading?

Kitchen Confidential

[Alkie]

Who pitches the 9th?

http://www.robsxxx.com/blog/uploads/big-juicy-oiled-tits.jpg

[Ron Brand]

There was some real talent in the Rapid Rewind tonight. Too bad it wasn't all in uniform.

[chuck]

Kitchen Confidential

You're probably right. His mom wouldn't let him read The Nasty Bits.

[Alkie]

You're probably right. His mom wouldn't let him read The Nasty Bits.

I will tell you I lost a little bit of respect for Bourdain when I found out he now lives on the UES.

If he had moved over here, it still would have been surprising that he moved anywhere above 14th, but the EAST side?   Really?   Tony.  No.

[Alkie]

If the gods decide I've been worthy in this life of moving on, I want to come back as Jason Michaels, the only person I know who is luckier than me.

[Jose Cruz III]

That was as bad of an at bat that I have seen in a long time.

[austro]

That was as bad of an at bat that I have seen in a long time.

Stick around.

[Ron Brand]

If the gods decide I've been worthy in this life of moving on, I want to come back as Jason Michaels, the only person I know who is luckier than me.

I thought that would be Gavin MacLeod.

[BizidyDizidy]

What's the brunch spot?

[Alkie]

I thought that would be Gavin MacLeod.

Gavin MacLeod and wife.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2279/2198857752_35aecf7ace.jpg

Jason Michaels and wife.
http://footer.mlblogs.com/0509_blog_michaels.jpg

I'll let you retract your statement now.

[Alkie]

What's the brunch spot?

Barney Greengrass.

[Ron Brand]

Gavin MacLeod and wife.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2279/2198857752_35aecf7ace.jpg

Jason Michaels and wife.
http://footer.mlblogs.com/0509_blog_michaels.jpg

I'll let you retract your statement now.

Oh, sure - NOW, maybe. But back in the day, she was one of the hottest girls in the WACs.

[chuck]

I will tell you I lost a little bit of respect for Bourdain when I found out he now lives on the UES.

If he had moved over here, it still would have been surprising that he moved anywhere above 14th, but the EAST side?   Really?   Tony.  No.

I was under the impression that he lived in Hell's Kitchen and then he lived up off Riverside Drive in Morningside Heights. What the hell is he doing in the UES?

[Ron Brand]

Barney Greengrass.

So how's the sable?

[Alkie]

Oh, sure - NOW, maybe. But back in the day, she was one of the hottest girls in the WACs.

Pamela Michaels was in the Western Athletic Conference?

[BizidyDizidy]

What do yall get? Wife is not a big smoked fish fan

[Alkie]

I was under the impression that he lived in Hell's Kitchen and then he lived up off Riverside Drive in Morningside Heights. What the hell is he doing in the UES?

Is that right?   Hell's rings a bell but I had no idea he lived in Morningside. 

Dude, you tell me.  I know he lives over there now because I read some interview about how, now that he has a daughter, his favorite place in NYC is the part of Central Park in front of his apartment on 5th.

[Alkie]

So how's the sable?

Only thing I haven't tried yet.   Seriously.    Done every other fish they have.

[Alkie]

What do yall get? Wife is not a big smoked fish fan

She will be after Greengrass.

I'm not kidding.

I didn't like lox either (to my mother's dismay) until I tasted what it was supposed to taste like at Greengrass.  If you like to put things in your mouth (that taste good), I recommend the pastrami salmon (you heard me), eggs, and onion on a toasted bialy with cream cheese.

Holy.   Shit.

[Jose Cruz III]

I thought that would be Gavin MacLeod.

I thought he would wanna be Noe.

[Ron Brand]

Only thing I haven't tried yet.   Seriously.    Done every other fish they have.

I thought the cognoscenti went for that and left the sturgeon to the tourists?

[Jose Cruz III]

What do yall get? Wife is not a big smoked fish fan

Show us her tits.

[chuck]

She will be after Greengrass.

I'm not kidding.

I didn't like lox either (to my mother's dismay) until I tasted what it was supposed to taste like at Greengrass.  If you like to put things in your mouth (that taste good), I recommend the pastrami salmon (you heard me), eggs, and onion on a toasted bialy with cream cheese.

Holy.   Shit.

Dude. I was just looking at the menu and I fucking lasered in on the pastrami salmon. It was just crying out for me.

[Jose Cruz III]

Apparently Byrdak should have started. Stupid Cooper.

[Alkie]

I thought the cognoscenti went for that and left the sturgeon to the tourists?

I stick to the salmon based product now that I'm hooked on the pastrami salmon.   I only did the sturgeon because it's The Sturgeon King and my mom had ordered some.

The best.   Really.

I tried the nova there the first time we went and had an overwhelming "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so THAT'S what this is supposed to taste like."

[Ron Brand]

Gracias, Fred Loya.

[Jose Cruz III]

I thought for a minute he was writing whore on the screen but instead he wrote who is # 7.

[Ron Brand]

I stick to the salmon based product now that I'm hooked on the pastrami salmon.   I only did the sturgeon because it's The Sturgeon King and my mom had ordered some.

The best.   Really.

I tried the nova there the first time we went and had an overwhelming "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so THAT'S what this is supposed to taste like."

Damn. Some good nova would be fantastic tomorrow. I don't think a breakfast taco is going to compare.

[Alkie]

Dude. I was just looking at the menu and I fucking lasered in on the pastrami salmon. It was just crying out for me.

My favorite breakfast on Earth used to be machaca with rice and potatoes, sin frijoles at Lucy's in El Paso.  

Pastrami salmon, E&O, bialy toasted, cream cheese is now, after 30 years, in the lead.   You mash it all up so it's just a giant mess of goodness, put half your alloted portion of cream cheese on your toasted bialy, spend a good 10 minutes getting as much of the mash onto the bialy as you can.   It's fucking amazing.  

[SaltyParker]

Lets see how the heart of our order does against this AA pitcher.

[Alkie]

Damn. Some good nova would be fantastic tomorrow. I don't think a breakfast taco is going to compare.

Want to make a trillion dollars with me?

Bring breakfast tacos to Manhattan.   No one has a clue what they are here.  Start selling them out a bucket in midtown between 6am-10am, we'll be trillionaires.

[Jose Cruz III]

Go for 3, Lee.

[SaltyParker]

Go for 3, Lee.

He was really steaming into 2nd there

[Ron Brand]

Want to make a trillion dollars with me?

Bring breakfast tacos to Manhattan.   No one has a clue what they are here.  Start selling them out a bucket in midtown between 6am-10am, we'll be trillionaires.

Until The Deli Mafia showed up.

[Jose Cruz III]

If the Astros score 9 to win it this inning I will never post on OWA again.

[Jose Cruz III]

Good grief Dave Clark. How do you hold a man in the 9th with blazing speed while ou are getting shut out. I predict a DP ends it here.

[Ron Brand]

If the Astros score 9 to win it this inning I will never post on OWA again.

What if they score 8 so the Giants can get two in the 10th to keep the ERA up?

[Alkie]

while ou are getting shut out.

9:53 Central and ou still sucks.

[Jose Cruz III]

ASTROS SCORE ASTROS SCORE.

But OWA doesn't/ Still no tits.

[Alkie]

9:53 Central and ou still sucks.

And so do the Astros.

[Jose Cruz III]

What if they score 8 so the Giants can get two in the 10th to keep the ERA up?

Yep that too.

Nice AB Kepp.

[Ron Brand]

What an ugly fucking game.

[Alkie]

What an ugly fucking game.

Sanchez looked great; what are you talking about?

[Ron Brand]

Sanchez looked great; what are you talking about?

Those stumblefucks in the white uniforms.

[Jose Cruz III]

That game sucked  green BBG schlongs.

[chuck]

Here's what's crazy - about five minutes ago we had a weird brown-out here. It happens sometimes, especially in the dry season when it's windy. All the lectronicals went off for a second. The laptop of course carried on with battery power for the second or two the power was out. My cable modem and wireless router also seemed to have powered down, yet I remained online. Maybe the power strip I have back there has some sort of UPS feature to it. I'll have to look tomorrow.

OK, off to grill the pork.

[Ron Brand]

At least Footer is on the postgame. Best thing I've seen all night.

[Alkie]

Those stumblefucks in the white uniforms.

That's no way to thank the men and women of the US Navy, sir.

[BizidyDizidy]

Forget baseball - do people honestly think she's hot?

[Ron Brand]

That's no way to thank the men and women of the US Navy, sir.

The Navy that patrols Lake Drayton?

[Alkie]

OK, off to grill the pork.

Show us her tits.

[Ron Brand]

Forget baseball - do people honestly think she's hot?

I do, yeah. Not scorching supermodel hot, but yeah, she's hot.

[Alkie]

I do, yeah. Not scorching supermodel hot, but yeah, she's hot.

What will BatGirl say?

[BizidyDizidy]

Hmmm. How do you rank the oiled tit girl?

[Alkie]

The Navy that patrols Lake Drayton?

Is that in Allenville?

[Jose Cruz III]

I do, yeah. Not scorching supermodel hot, but yeah, she's hot.

Bat
girl
?

[Ron Brand]

What will BatGirl say?

Beats me. Ask her.

[Alkie]

Hmmm. How do you rank the oiled tit girl?

No way, are you telling me you wouldn't re-grease Oiltits by hand, so to speak?

[Ron Brand]

Is that in Allenville?

It's a little north of Tranquility Lakes.

[Alkie]

Beats me. Ask her.

BatGirl, how does this make you feel?

[BizidyDizidy]

I'm saying - JOT is a 7 or 8, that makes fuckhouse a 5 or 6

[chuck]

Show us her tits.

Too late. I'll show you all 8 tits of the pregnant cat if you want.

[Alkie]

It's a little north of Tranquility Lakes.

Would that be in Emmanuelewis or El Marco?

[Ron Brand]

Would that be in Emmanuelewis or El Marco?

Oh, so you're familiar with the Brass Trapezoid area.

[Alkie]

I'm saying - JOT is a 7 or 8, that makes fuckhouse a 5 or 6

Wait wait wait.   Alyson Footer's nickname here is FUCKHOUSE?   When did that happen?   While I was on hiatus?

[Jose Cruz III]

Too late. I'll show you all 8 tits of the pregnant cat if you want.

That would be 8 more tits than we have seen here already. So go ahead.

[Alkie]

Oh, so you're familiar with the Brass Trapezoid area.

Sure.   Apple to Prettymount to Port Abraska.

[Andyzipp]

Wait wait wait.   Alyson Footer's nickname here is FUCKHOUSE?   When did that happen?   While I was on hiatus?

she posted and paid her respects to the Talk Zone after she took her new job with the Astros.

[Ron Brand]

Wait wait wait.   Alyson Footer's nickname here is FUCKHOUSE?   When did that happen?   While I was on hiatus?

That's probably something she'd rather not have written. Well, technically, she didn't write that, you'd have to fill in the blanks to get there.

[Alkie]

she posted and paid her respects to the Talk Zone after she took her new job with the Astros.

And got the nickname FUCKHOUSE? 

[BizidyDizidy]

It's hard to keep up with your comings and goings

[Andyzipp]

And got the nickname FUCKHOUSE? 

It was what her friend called her in her youth. She told us a little about herself...

[Alkie]

It's hard to keep up with your comings and goings

It is?   I was gone twice.   Once after the 05 World Series meltdown until the beginning of the 06 season and then from the week Gar got fired until the night before we moved to NYC as a favor to someone here. 

[Alkie]

It was what her friend called her in her youth. She told us a little about herself...

Oh ok.   Cool.

[Andyzipp]

It's hard to keep up with your comings and goings

coming and going and going and coming and always too soon...

[Ron Brand]

Coop blames Sanchez for the loss. Says Blinky probably didn't pitch ahead enough, didn't make enough quality pitches.

[Ron Brand]

Coop's actually being charitable toward Paulino, giving him credit from bouncing back from last year's injury, saying that he's going through growing pains.

[Ron Brand]

coming and going and going and coming and always too soon...

It's twue. It's TWUE!

[BizidyDizidy]

It is?   I was gone twice.   Once after the 05 World Series meltdown until the beginning of the 06 season and then from the week Gar got fired until the night before we moved to NYC as a favor to someone here. 

How long until the next meltdown? I have friday in the pool.

Did you ever stop reading?

[Alkie]

Did you ever stop reading?

Entirely. 

I seriously did not visit the site once after I retired when Gar was fired until a friend from here asked me to come back and do one last GZ before I moved out of Texas in May.

The first month or so, I found myself wanting to check in and see what was going on, but I totally lost interest in baseball and that helped.  Plus I realized how much happier I was not making myself angry at the stupid fucking site.

I came back and did the GZ a couple months ago only to find the B&Q.   I figure as long as I pretty much stay out of the TZ, I'm safe from myself. 

That and I still don't really give a fuck about Astros baseball anymore.   If it's raining and I'm stuck inside and it's not football or basketball season yet, I'll watch and post.   But as soon as football season starts here next month, I'm checking back out.   It's just not the same for me anymore and I still have a lot of philosophical problems with this team's ownership and management.   And none of that has anything to do with the product on the field.

[Andyzipp]

It's twue. It's TWUE!

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben, baby.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

It was what her friend called her in her youth. She told us a little about herself...

If I remember correctly she spelled it F***house. If it was Foothouse or Fishhouse or Farthouse, she probably would have just spelled it all out... maybe not Farthouse.

[Alkie]

If I remember correctly she spelled it F***house. If it was Foothouse or Fishhouse or Farthouse, she probably would have just spelled it all out... maybe not Farthouse.

Y'all can call her FUCKHOUSE, I'm calling her FARTHOUSE from now on.

[Alkie]

I seriously did not visit the site once after I retired when Gar was fired

Point of fact:  I've just been reminded by my wife that it wasn't Gar being fired, it was when I found out the team was using the on-field talent to try to convert people.

Which I had almost forgotten about.

And now I'm angry again.   Thanks.

[BizidyDizidy]

Point of fact:  I've just been reminded by my wife that it wasn't Gar being fired, it was when I found out the team was using the on-field talent to try to convert people.

Which I had almost forgotten about.

And now I'm angry again.   Thanks.

Mission accomplished. I'm gonna make a fortune.

[Alkie]

Mission accomplished. I'm gonna make a fortune.

In all seriousness, I know damn well I need to quit the site again soon.   Even though I'm pretty much off the site during biz hours, I didn't move my family across the continent so I could spend all night posting in here.   

I did my time. 

Even I'M bored reading the same 13 Alkie jokes over and over and over.

[BizidyDizidy]

I can see that moderation is not your strong suit.

[Alkie]

I can see that moderation is not your strong suit.

There is a phenomenal amount of truth in that.

[BizidyDizidy]

There is a phenomenal amount of truth in that.

To be clear, that was the recognition of a fellow traveler, not casting the first stone.

[homer]

Point of fact:  I've just been reminded by my wife that it wasn't Gar being fired, it was when I found out the team was using the on-field talent to try to convert people.

Which I had almost forgotten about.

And now I'm angry again.   Thanks.

If I remember correctly, it was the on-field talent that was using the team to convert people.

[BudGirl]

If I remember correctly, it was the on-field talent that was using the team to convert people.

btw, faith and family night is coming up again soon.

[Alkie]

If I remember correctly, it was the on-field talent that was using the team to convert people.

Then the team allowed it, with a smile.   Same thing.

[Alkie]

btw, faith and family night is coming up again soon.

I have no problem at all with family night (isn't that every night at the ballpark?). 

[BudGirl]

I have no problem at all with family night (isn't that every night at the ballpark?). 

You decide.

http://houston.astros.mlb.com/hou/ticketing/faith_night.jsp

[Alkie]

You decide.

http://houston.astros.mlb.com/hou/ticketing/faith_night.jsp

Oh I get that you were saying it was the same thing.  My point was "family night" is a fantastic idea.   It's the "let's use the team to peddle mythology to the masses" thing that really makes me angry.

[MusicMan]

Oh I get that you were saying it was the same thing.  My point was "family night" is a fantastic idea.   It's the "let's use the team to peddle mythology to the masses" thing that really makes me angry.

It's not like the owner's belief system is a recent revelation to you.

[Alkie]

It's not like the owner's belief system is a recent revelation to you.

No, and that's the thing.

He is absolutely free to believe in whatever creatures or myths he wants.  I invite him to and welcome him to.  I have no urge whatsoever to convert anyone TO or FROM any religion.   

It's when he decided to use his entertainment business to sell me his religion that I lost my shit.

You have to understand that I own a business.  I go so fucking far out of my way to NEVER discuss religion or politics with prospects or clients.    I assure you, not one of my clients knows whether I voted for Bush twice or campaigned for Obama and unless they do some serious google searching and made some inferences, they'd have no idea what religion I was raised either.

[Alkie]

And YES, before someone points it out, I know he had a JewNight too.

The difference was that it didn't involve the selling of the religion and was just a nod to get sell some tickets to a group of people. 

And I want to be clear.   If they had Shawn Green trying to sell Judaism to the masses hours before a game at the stadium in which they play baseball to baseball fans, I'd have been twice as nuclear.

[Outlawscotty]

WFW; who cares.

Your 'Pope' title is so appropo.

[Noe]

And YES, before someone points it out, I know he had a JewNight too.

The difference was that it didn't involve the selling of the religion and was just a nod to get sell some tickets to a group of people.  

And I want to be clear.   If they had Shawn Green trying to sell Judaism to the masses hours before a game at the stadium in which they play baseball to baseball fans, I'd have been twice as nuclear.

So you're against capitalism?  BTW - I hate, I mean absolutely *HATE* the train at the ballpark (right next to the silly cap race on the jumbo screen).  But I'm not the *target audience* and if they did things only for me... I'm pretty sure the Wallet would be firing people for the very low attendance to the game.  Baseball *fan* and Baseball attendees is two different things.

[Rebel Jew]

So you're against capitalism?  BTW - I hate, I mean absolutely *HATE* the train at the ballpark (right next to the silly cap race on the jumbo screen).  But I'm not the *target audience* and if they did things only for me... I'm pretty sure the Wallet would be firing people for the very low attendance to the game.  Baseball *fan* and Baseball attendees is two different things.

i guess you're implying that the target audience for the train and cap race is good ol' american shitbag families.  that's fine, but that doesn't mean you can't give cool shit to that audience instead of lame shit like the train or the cap race.  would the scoreboard spectacular have been considered in the range of that target audience?  maybe, maybe not, but it was cool as shit and it's something that everybody liked.

[BudGirl]

what cap race are you all talking about?

There is the baseball under the Goya can.

I do like the trivia type things about the players.  I think it could be a small way to educate the audience about the Astros.

[chuck]

The drop cloth always wins. I don't know why, because if you turn the plywood sideways you wouldn't have any drag. But the drop cloth always wins.

[Noe]

i guess you're implying that the target audience for the train and cap race is good ol' american shitbag families.  that's fine, but that doesn't mean you can't give cool shit to that audience instead of lame shit like the train or the cap race.  would the scoreboard spectacular have been considered in the range of that target audience?  maybe, maybe not, but it was cool as shit and it's something that everybody liked.

And who is the judge of "cool shit"?  You?  You want to tell me everyone is like you?  You mean to tell me that marketing groups don't use this little thingy called "demographics"?  If they built a train, it's because they knew it would sell.  Who have you heard say that they were never going to Minute Maid Park because of the train?  Conversely, how many kids have you heard scream for joy when the train is moving (because it means the Astros have hit a homerun of course)?  People are the ultimately judge whether it is something they want... or not.  They vote with their dollars and to ignore that as a vendor is to ignore your very purpose for existence.

[JaneDoe]

And who is the judge of "cool shit"?  You?  You want to tell me everyone is like you?  You mean to tell me that marketing groups don't use this little thingy called "demographics"?  If they built a train, it's because they knew it would sell.  Who have you heard say that they were never going to Minute Maid Park because of the train?  Conversely, how many kids have you heard scream for joy when the train is moving (because it means the Astros have hit a homerun of course)?  People are the ultimately judge whether it is something they want... or not.  They vote with their dollars and to ignore that as a vendor is to ignore your very purpose for existence.

I have not seen the train move once this year.  Not for any homeruns.  Not once.  I have wondered if it were broken or if this was a cost-cutting move.  Has anyone else seen it move this season?

[Outlawscotty]

I haven't seen the train move, but then again I haven't seen the tits either.  You can't please everybody all the time.

[JaneDoe]

This might explain it:

It did during the Nationals series.  Mom (who is a fan of the train) said Brown noted that the axle had been broken for much of the season and had just been repaired.

[Rebel Jew]

And who is the judge of "cool shit"?  You?  You want to tell me everyone is like you?  You mean to tell me that marketing groups don't use this little thingy called "demographics"?  If they built a train, it's because they knew it would sell.  Who have you heard say that they were never going to Minute Maid Park because of the train?  Conversely, how many kids have you heard scream for joy when the train is moving (because it means the Astros have hit a homerun of course)?  People are the ultimately judge whether it is something they want... or not.  They vote with their dollars and to ignore that as a vendor is to ignore your very purpose for existence.

marketing people are notoriously near-sighted and literalminded.  i've never heard a kid "scream for joy" because of the train.  i imagine there are lots of young kids who look at the train for the first time and go "neato, a choo choo twain."  but what if that train didn't just haul a sack of oranges twenty feet?  what if the train did something really cool or memorable or original or even something baseball related?  then you would really have kids screaming for joy and their parents too, and if it was unique enough it would become a source of pride for the hometown fans like the scoreboard spectacular was.

it seems to me that whenever entities go beyond the usual or the minimal and create something truly original, then it tends to span all demographics and create real excitement.  but when entities go for the minimum and follow the marketing surveys to their most mundane, literal conclusions, then you at best have things that give a temporary "neato" effect, and at worst have things that take up space and get in the way.

[JimR]

marketing people are notoriously near-sighted and literalminded.  i've never heard a kid "scream for joy" because of the train.  i imagine there are lots of young kids who look at the train for the first time and go "neato, a choo choo twain."  but what if that train didn't just haul a sack of oranges twenty feet?  what if the train did something really cool or memorable or original or even something baseball related?  then you would really have kids screaming for joy and their parents too, and if it was unique enough it would become a source of pride for the hometown fans like the scoreboard spectacular was.

it seems to me that whenever entities go beyond the usual or the minimal and create something truly original, then it tends to span all demographics and create real excitement.  but when entities go for the minimum and follow the marketing surveys to their most mundane, literal conclusions, then you at best have things that give a temporary "neato" effect, and at worst have things that take up space and get in the way.

damn, do you actually think anyone cares about this?

[BudGirl]

I agree that no one really cares, but I think it would have been cool if the train went all the way around the park if an astro hit a homerun.  Everyone inside and outside would know a homerun.

[MusicMan]

Tejada boots an inbetween-hoppper.

[JimR]

Tejada boots an inbetween-hoppper.

wrong thread.

[Noe]

marketing people are notoriously near-sighted and literalminded.  i've never heard a kid "scream for joy" because of the train.  i imagine there are lots of young kids who look at the train for the first time and go "neato, a choo choo twain."  but what if that train didn't just haul a sack of oranges twenty feet?  what if the train did something really cool or memorable or original or even something baseball related?  then you would really have kids screaming for joy and their parents too, and if it was unique enough it would become a source of pride for the hometown fans like the scoreboard spectacular was.

it seems to me that whenever entities go beyond the usual or the minimal and create something truly original, then it tends to span all demographics and create real excitement.  but when entities go for the minimum and follow the marketing surveys to their most mundane, literal conclusions, then you at best have things that give a temporary "neato" effect, and at worst have things that take up space and get in the way.

Basically, you want everyone to be like you.  Next game: MMA fight before and after the game.  Thanks.

[Bench]

Basically, you want everyone to be like you.  Next game: MMA fight before and after the game.  Thanks.

I think he just wants cooler shit.

[Jose Cruz III]

I haven't seen the train move, but then again I haven't seen the tits either.  You can't please everybody all the time.

What would be cool is if the train raised up off the tracks and went and got 1994 Bagwell and some starting pitching from the past.

[BudGirl]

What would be cool is if the train raised up off the tracks and went and got 1994 Bagwell and some starting pitching from the past.

You want Lima back?

[Jose Cruz III]

You want Lima back?

Could he really be worse?

But, no, I don't.

[austro]

You want Lima back?

That's what I was wondering. Or maybe Holt; he was a character guy who could really help. Or Redding.

[BudGirl]

That's what I was wondering. Or maybe Holt; he was a character guy who could really help. Or Redding.

get me started on Chris Holt, what a winner.