Oh my god...

[Andyzipp]

There aren't words...

(http://images.barnesandnoble.com/images/38010000/38017771.JPG)

[Holly]

This gives me hope that my career as an author is still alive and well. Never mind that I haven't written anything yet, apparently ANYTHING can get published.

[BizidyDizidy]

Can someone describe for blackberry users? For whatever reasons links don't work with the mobile site.

[Andyzipp]

Can someone describe for blackberry users? For whatever reasons links don't work with the mobile site.

It's the cover of a book.

"Combating Ignorance" by Scott Barzilla.

[strosrays]

"Fostering Productive International Relationships" by Adolph Hitler

"The Art Of War" by The French

"How To Treat A Woman" by Phil Spector

"The All-In-One Guide To Healthy Living And A Longer Life" by Keith Richards, et al

[Alkie]

"The All-In-One Guide To Healthy Living And A Longer Life" by Keith Richards, et al

I would read and trust that one, actually.

[Alkie]

There aren't words...

Bet you a dollar it's self published.  Who cares?  I can get a book published tomorrow too.

[strosrays]

I would read and trust that one, actually.

I know.  I've tried some of it, and. . . so far, so good.

[Andyzipp]

Bet you a dollar it's self published.  Who cares?  I can get a book published tomorrow too.

Nope.  aegpublishinggroup.com

real book.  

mind boggling.



edited to add...Never mind...aeg is like a publishing co-op.

[JackAstro]

Bet you a dollar it's self published.

That would be a big yes.

[Alkie]

Nope.  aegpublishinggroup.com

real book.  

mind boggling.



edited to add...Never mind...aeg is like a publishing co-op.

You may paypal me my dollar at your convenience.

[Andyzipp]

That would be a big yes.

Even so, that's besides the point.

The man is more deluded than (someone is very deluded).

[Andyzipp]

You may paypal me my dollar at your convenience.

you're still using [email protected]?

[JackAstro]

Even so, that's besides the point.

The man is more deluded than (someone is very deluded).

That would be a big yes.

[strosrays]

Nope.  aegpublishinggroup.com

real book.  

mind boggling.



edited to add...Never mind...aeg is like a publishing co-op.

Somebody break down and buy it, then copy and paste sections here.  Bad as it assuredly is, I kind of want to see.

Given the "quality" of his posts here and elsewhere I've seen, Dumbasszilla is not real big on syntax or semantics or pragmatics or any of that shit.  He writes like a computer-driven text-writing program.  In other words, he sucks as a writer in the most basic sense, before we ever even get to subject matter or veracity or the fact he is a fucking moron.

And he is "teaching" English.  To our children.  And "publishing" books about his technique.

Page 75 of Keith Richards Guide to Healthy Living:  "When it all gets to be too much, there is always the spike."  

I am tempted, my man.

[Alkie]

you're still using [email protected]?

This is Alkie, not Barzilla.

[Alkie]

you're still using [email protected]?

You know I was just thinking about this deeper and was kind of wondering....while this is all true and shit....isn't that what EVERYONE on this site is doing here?

Why else would anyone make up a faceless persona online and give their opinions to a group of people that only share one thing in common; the vision of a solitary BatGirl breast?

[strosrays]

You know I was just thinking about this deeper and was kind of wondering....while this is all true and shit....isn't that what EVERYONE on this site is doing here?

Why else would anyone make up a faceless persona online and give their opinions to a group of people that only share one thing in common; the vision of a solitary BatGirl breast?

The whole point of the avatar is to get us closer to the Meaning Of Life.  From this, I can see we are progressing along nicely.

[Holly]

You know I was just thinking about this deeper and was kind of wondering....while this is all true and shit....isn't that what EVERYONE on this site is doing here?

Why else would anyone make up a faceless persona online and give their opinions to a group of people that only share one thing in common; the vision of a solitary BatGirl breast?

I'm pretty sure that's not what I'm doing here.

[Andyzipp]

I'm pretty sure that's not what I'm doing here.

No one knows what the fuck you're doing here.

hth

[Andyzipp]

You know I was just thinking about this deeper and was kind of wondering....while this is all true and shit....isn't that what EVERYONE on this site is doing here?

Or the internet in general. 

[Alkie]

hth

You just had a hand-to-hand with Holly?

[Alkie]

Or the internet in general. 

Well yes, exactly.

So while I tried desperately to get the yahoo address you made public, it wasn't surprising that some other court jester from another forum site had already been goaded into taking it as a punchline and left the email addy to die; forever unusable by other fuckos from other sites.

[Alkie]

The whole point of the avatar is to get us closer to the Meaning Of Life.  From this, I can see we are progressing along nicely.

Actually, I meant BatGirl's actual breast, which is on display during the 7th inning of all Saturday night home games. 

Not the eerily similar and eerily just as hypnotic avatar you use now.   

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

Actually, I meant BatGirl's actual breast, which is on display during the 7th inning of all Saturday night home games. 

Not the eerily similar and eerily just as hypnotic avatar you use now.   

The stars at night, are big and bright. clap clap clap clap

[Noe]

"Fostering Productive International Relationships" by Adolph Hitler

"The Art Of War" by The French

"How To Treat A Woman" by Phil Spector

"The All-In-One Guide To Healthy Living And A Longer Life" by Keith Richards, et al

"How to communicate concisely and effectively" - Noe in Austin

[Alkie]

"How to communicate concisely and effectively" - Noe in Austin

The irony of this post is not lost on me.

[Noe]

The irony of this post is not lost on me.

Thanks! (Hey, I did  it again, woo-hoo!)

[Holly]

No one knows what the fuck you're doing here.

hth

Ain't that the truth.

[Craig]

It's the cover of a book.

"Combating Ignorance" by Scott Barzilla.

I looked it up, and this isn't a textbook or instruction manual ... it's a NOVEL.

"A teacher takes on the challenges of dealing with the everyday woes of the classroom, in this novel written by real-life teacher Scott Barzilla.

Fictional high school teacher Jack Sutherford has taught for ten years. When he first began his career, he was very optimistic. But his optimism and enthusiasm has faded as he faces challenges and has to fight daily battles with administration, counselors, fellow teachers, students and parents.

In Combating Ignorance, Sutherford shares his insights on educational programs and trends, good and bad, he has seen throughout his career. The book provides hope for our educational system and an insightful glimpse into what a teacher’s life is really like."

[Alkie]

What kind of egomaniac creates a 97%-based-on-real-life fictional character who describes what his every day life is actually like and then publishes it in some sort of public medium so others can read it and feel like they now understand what his life is really like just to get attention?

I mean really.

That's just sad.

[Rebel Jew]

I looked it up, and this isn't a textbook or instruction manual ... it's a NOVEL.

"A teacher takes on the challenges of dealing with the everyday woes of the classroom, in this novel written by real-life teacher Scott Barzilla.

Fictional high school teacher Jack Sutherford has taught for ten years. When he first began his career, he was very optimistic. But his optimism and enthusiasm has faded as he faces challenges and has to fight daily battles with administration, counselors, fellow teachers, students and parents.

In Combating Ignorance, Sutherford shares his insights on educational programs and trends, good and bad, he has seen throughout his career. The book provides hope for our educational system and an insightful glimpse into what a teacher’s life is really like."

HOLY SHITBAGS!!1  THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME!  JACK SUTHERFORD!!!

[Alkie]

JACK SUTHERFORD!!!

I know, huh.  You'd think he'd have a better porn name for himself.   Like Dick Thunder.

[Rebel Jew]

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
http://evilwontwin.yuku.com/topic/15362/t/Book-Signing.html

[Andyzipp]

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
http://evilwontwin.yuku.com/topic/15362/t/Book-Signing.html

"No problem, as it turns out no one made it except for my wife, parents, and daughter."

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

I can't wait for the chapter where the achingly beautiful 16 year old (who's also a gifted writer), comes in to Sutherford's office for a meeting.

She closed the door quietly behind and walked to my desk.  She carried my revisions to her short story My Innocence in her arms; the binder pressed against her chest, making her D-cup breasts seem even larger.  As she sat down across from me, I could almost see up her pink mini skirt.  My mouth was dry like a really dry thing.

"Mr. Sutherford, I can't thank you enough for your encouragement.  You really saw what I was trying to say.  You are the biggest influence in my life."  She bit her lip.

"Please, call me Jack."

[Craig]

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
http://evilwontwin.yuku.com/topic/15362/t/Book-Signing.html

"Unfortunately, I am the only one that sells it in Houston. I've heard that Amazon sells it cheaper than face value."

BTW, Scott, an English teacher would tell you to use "who sells it," not "that sells it."

[Alkie]

I can't wait for the chapter where the achingly beautiful 16 year old (who's also a gifted writer), comes in to Sutherford's office for a meeting.

Again, I bet I actually laugh out loud at this site maybe once a week or so.   This worked.

[Alkie]

"No problem, as it turns out no one made it except for my wife, parents, and daughter."

Normally, I'd have felt really bad for that guy.   But that guy was Barzilla.   So nevermind.

Time to go back and read the Barzilla Threads.

Link anyone?

[Gizzmonic]

What kind of egomaniac creates a 97%-based-on-real-life fictional character who describes what his every day life is actually like and then publishes it in some sort of public medium so others can read it and feel like they now understand what his life is really like just to get attention?

I mean really.

That's just sad.

You can get away with it if you're Woody Allen...but if you're Scott Barzilla, not so much.

[BizidyDizidy]

What kind of egomaniac creates a 97%-based-on-real-life fictional character who describes what his every day life is actually like and then publishes it in some sort of public medium so others can read it and feel like they now understand what his life is really like just to get attention?

I mean really.

That's just sad.

PAYS to publish it. That's the crucial part.

[Alkie]

PAYS to publish it. That's the crucial part.

I pay for internet, does that count?

[BizidyDizidy]

I pay for internet, does that count?

I thought the internet was supposed to be free for everyone - is nothing Towlie taught me sacred?

[Alkie]

Seriously, does anyone have a working link to the original Barzilla thread?

[homer]

Seriously, does anyone have a working link to the original Barzilla thread?

http://www.spikesnstars.com/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=534;sa=showPosts

I don't guess the original threads made it over from the old site.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

"No problem, as it turns out no one made it except for my wife, parents, and daughter."

His daughter didn't want to go but they couldn't get a baby sitter.

[strosrays]

"Unfortunately, I am the only one that sells it in Houston. I've heard that Amazon sells it cheaper than face value."

BTW, Scott, an English teacher would tell you to use "who sells it," not "that sells it."

That Paranormal Smith guy, who looks to be his only potential buyer for miles, keeps crapping out on him.  Pretty funny.

[austro]

At the Rice graduation ceremony this spring, the very first degree awarded was to a young woman named Barzilla. I nearly shit myself.

[Alkie]

http://www.spikesnstars.com/forums/index.php?action=profile;u=534;sa=showPosts

I don't guess the original threads made it over from the old site.

Yeah, that was all I found when I did the same search.

Bummer.   Really wanted to read it.

[strosrays]

Yeah, that was all I found when I did the same search.

Bummer.   Really wanted to read it.

I thought I'd try Google, but, no luck.  I did find this fascinating little thread, though, at Speedy's.

Barzilla befriends some other loser who wrote a novel about teaching gangbangers in East LA; Barzilla reveals that his first two books, the superficially sabermetric-based baseball tomes, sold a total of 300 copies total; and RyanED reveals he is far more mentally troubled than even we had originally thought.  Think his stories about taping and grading his calls to radio sports shows over the years was a little disturbing?  Think his admission that he would call in to 1560 when AD was on there Sunday mornings from his church pew were possible indications of some serious underlying issues?  Well, read some of the stuff he admits to in this thread.  Jesus, I sure am glad he decided he liked it at AD after we ran him off, and stayed.

Also, no one needs to waste their time unless they are so inclined, but Barzilla's "new" blog isn't any better than the old one.  He did indicate in a recent post that he apparently thinks posting in a blog makes him part of the press, saying something like, "Unlike a lot of my colleagues in the media, I don't have a problem with the Astros not making a major trade at the deadline, blah, blah, blah."

So Barzilla is a member of the Fourth Estate now, huh?  How nice.  I'm going shopping for a big net, or home to laugh my ass off.  One or the other.

[Jacksonian]

I looked it up, and this isn't a textbook or instruction manual ... it's a NOVEL.

"Jack Sutherford"

Lazy.

Jack Bauer/Keefer Sutherland.

His character didn't happen to save the school at the very end by having to cut the genitalia from the principal in order to throw the cock ring bomb out the window just in time, did he?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I thought I'd try Google, but, no luck.  I did find this fascinating little thread, though, at Speedy's.

"One of the reasons why English teachers don't teach more grammar is that many of us never learned it myself." - Barzilla

This almost made my head explode.

[Ron Brand]

I'm on page 5 and it's so very painful. The more of these crappy boards I come across, the more thankful I am that this one has been defended successfully from these zombies of idiocy.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I'm on page 5 and it's so very painful. The more of these crappy boards I come across, the more thankful I am that this one has been defended successfully from these zombies of idiocy.

It would be wrong for me not to remind you it is NSFBC... Stop. Walk. Away. 

Thank me later.

[JaneDoe]

It would be wrong for me not to remind you it is NSFBC... Stop. Walk. Away. 

Thank me later.

NSFBC = Not Safe for Brain Cells?

[Ron Brand]

It would be wrong for me not to remind you it is NSFBC... Stop. Walk. Away. 

Thank me later.

I know. It has that eerie attraction, like driving past a wreck and trying to ignore it.

Couldn't get past page six. The devolution is breathtaking.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

NSFBC = Not Safe for Brain Cells?

Yes.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I know. It has that eerie attraction, like driving past a wreck and trying to ignore it.

Couldn't get past page six. The devolution is breathtaking.

I made it as far page 4 when for some probably fortunate that it was never fleshed out reason, RyanEd asked what grade Mike and Scott were in when Blondies' Heart of Glass came out. When I came to, I rebooted my computer and drank a fresh cup of coffee.

[strosrays]

I made it as far page 4 when for some probably fortunate that it was never fleshed out reason, RyanEd asked what grade Mike and Scott were in when Blondies' Heart of Glass came out. When I came to, I rebooted my computer and drank a fresh cup of coffee.

So many little nuggets of insanity.  This thread is terrific, I cannot believe I just found it.

Ryan ED, about halfway down page 5:
"I know how to relate with a lot of these kids, because in a way -- soon to be 26 years but I still have the heart of a teenager.  I still play video games for half the day sometimes. I still watch all the teen shows and teen movies, mostly the classics from the 80s. I don't think I'll ever grow old in my heart and spirit. Just my body will grow old. . . Fact is, I think I could make a great teacher myself ( biology is my favorite subject ), but I don't know if I want to do it. The education I would have to seek will be expensive, and I would have to shut down a lot of other things in my life just to chase a dream which might not be worth the chase. . . I like to enjoy life in my own way. Most men my age like to go out to strip clubs every weekend and talk about women and sex, while drinking beer. They like to start a conversation that starts with tits and ass and ends with tits and ass.  I spend my money -- the little I have -- in a different way than most men my age do.

Granted, I'm a single man with no wife, no kids, and not even a girlfriend right now. So it's a little easier for me to live right now without a lot of responsibilities.  Sure, I go to HOOTERS every now and then to eat a few wings and perhaps drink a little beer ( as the game is on ), but I don't think that's the same as going to a strip club and stuffing dollars down someone's body.  In fact, those same girls working at the strip clubs are mostly young females trying to pay their way to college. I guess I can't complain about that, but I'm certainly not going to be spending my dollars on that."


Heh.  Diary of a madman.

[Ron Brand]

Diary of a madman is right. RyanED has got a lot of problems. One of the tougher ones is the need to share them with everyone else.

[strosrays]

Well, at least he is trying to improve himself (bottom of page 5):

"I'm still a poor writer myself, but maybe in 10 years ( when I'm 35 ) I might become decent at it.   EzBoard, Yuku, MySpace ( or any of the billion internet message boards that are out there ), can certainly help someone with their writing. At the very least, help them learn how to spell words better.

"For myself, I'm still having trouble with punctuation's. . . "

Then again, he apparently thinks 'politically correct' writing is writing that has been edited for grammatical errors.  And, he for one is sick and tired of it.

So there's no hope, anyway.

[Rebel Jew]

So many little nuggets of insanity.  This thread is terrific, I cannot believe I just found it.

Ryan ED, about halfway down page 5:
"I know how to relate with a lot of these kids, because in a way -- soon to be 26 years but I still have the heart of a teenager.  I still play video games for half the day sometimes. I still watch all the teen shows and teen movies, mostly the classics from the 80s. I don't think I'll ever grow old in my heart and spirit. Just my body will grow old. . . Fact is, I think I could make a great teacher myself ( biology is my favorite subject ), but I don't know if I want to do it. The education I would have to seek will be expensive, and I would have to shut down a lot of other things in my life just to chase a dream which might not be worth the chase. . . I like to enjoy life in my own way. Most men my age like to go out to strip clubs every weekend and talk about women and sex, while drinking beer. They like to start a conversation that starts with tits and ass and ends with tits and ass.  I spend my money -- the little I have -- in a different way than most men my age do.

Granted, I'm a single man with no wife, no kids, and not even a girlfriend right now. So it's a little easier for me to live right now without a lot of responsibilities.  Sure, I go to HOOTERS every now and then to eat a few wings and perhaps drink a little beer ( as the game is on ), but I don't think that's the same as going to a strip club and stuffing dollars down someone's body.  In fact, those same girls working at the strip clubs are mostly young females trying to pay their way to college. I guess I can't complain about that, but I'm certainly not going to be spending my dollars on that."


Heh.  Diary of a madman.

holey moley!!!

that's incredibly great

[Bench]

So many little nuggets of insanity.  This thread is terrific, I cannot believe I just found it.

Ryan ED, about halfway down page 5:
"I know how to relate with a lot of these kids, because in a way -- soon to be 26 years but I still have the heart of a teenager.  I still play video games for half the day sometimes. I still watch all the teen shows and teen movies, mostly the classics from the 80s. I don't think I'll ever grow old in my heart and spirit. Just my body will grow old. . . Fact is, I think I could make a great teacher myself ( biology is my favorite subject ), but I don't know if I want to do it. The education I would have to seek will be expensive, and I would have to shut down a lot of other things in my life just to chase a dream which might not be worth the chase. . . I like to enjoy life in my own way. Most men my age like to go out to strip clubs every weekend and talk about women and sex, while drinking beer. They like to start a conversation that starts with tits and ass and ends with tits and ass.  I spend my money -- the little I have -- in a different way than most men my age do.

Granted, I'm a single man with no wife, no kids, and not even a girlfriend right now. So it's a little easier for me to live right now without a lot of responsibilities.  Sure, I go to HOOTERS every now and then to eat a few wings and perhaps drink a little beer ( as the game is on ), but I don't think that's the same as going to a strip club and stuffing dollars down someone's body.  In fact, those same girls working at the strip clubs are mostly young females trying to pay their way to college. I guess I can't complain about that, but I'm certainly not going to be spending my dollars on that."


Heh.  Diary of a madman.

I had completely forgotten what a retard he is.

Ryan, I'm really glad you don't really enjoy alcohol or tits.  That means I will never run into you socially, and that keeps me out of jail.

[matadorph]

I cannot believe that thread is real. These people really exist? Twenty pages of mental midgetry against the backdrop of Barzilla's pathological delusions of importance. It's so bad that I'm almost tempted to use one of those Munchian forum emoticons to express my horror.

For example, this pathetic confession from RyanSpecialEd is jaw-dropping...

The only thing I hate about schools these days ( or at least in the 90s when I went to junior high and high school ), no one taught me how to properly write sentences.

The grammar and punctuation's involved are too f^cken complicated.

Morphology and syntax can kiss my big and fat ass, because I don't give a rat's ass about it.

It's the main reason I struggle now a days when I try to type or blog. You almost have to take a journalism class just to learn what you're looking for.

And yes, I'm a product of this younger generation who people seem to think is a lot dumber than their parents or grandparents.

I agree with the above sentence also. My mother and step-father are both properly educated. Both of them went to college and graduated, and I never finished college. I quit school and I didn't become all I could have been. I can still do it I guess, but I don't have the drive in me right now. I'm too lazy, foolish, and stupid to chase my dreams. In large part because I'm afraid to fall flat on my ass and fail. If I don't even try, then I risk nothing ...

Blame the God damn schools ( high school level ) and not me. I wanted to learn but I wasn't given the proper tools to succeed ( in terms of the teachers being able to teach me what I wanted to learn ) ...

I'm not in jail or committing any crimes, and that should be good enough for the old geezers out there who do nothing but complain and criticize the younger generation.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but respect for the elderly and I'd be willing to walk a thousand miles for any of you old goats.

A lot of times, I don't know when the hell to type a simple comma, or use the -- ( thingy ) or semicolons. I usually understand the general concept but proper english in general is very hard for me to comprehend.

It's too damn confusing for me and I just do whatever I feel is best for me to do.

I mean hell, I was a B-average student also.

And yet, not one teacher taught me anything worth remembering except this science teacher I had at Elsik High School ( Alief district ) back in 1996 during my freshman year. Her name was Mrs. Booker. She was the best teacher I ever had in my life.

When I wanted to beat the shit out of another student for mocking me -- she kept me sane ...

Anyway, I turn 26 years old in August and while I'm not the man I want to be -- I know it could have been worse.

With that note ( sorry for the rant ), I want to wish everyone a happy Memorial Day and say thank you to all of those in the US military, who either served or still do serve. Thank You for giving me the freedom to do what I want to do, and say what I want to say.

Do you guys think there is still hope for a young man like me? I'm willing to learn and become a better man. I'm a weak-minded person with thin skin and a short temper, but I'm willing to put aside my pride and fail -- fall flat on my ass and learn a thing or two about toughness I guess.

My fear of failure has been holding me back for so long. It's about time I realize that it's OK to fail.

I'm a great guy for what it's worth. I'm just a little rough around the edges. I'll tell you though -- my heart -- it's pure as gold.

[subnuclear]

What login name did ryaned use when he posted here (or AC.com?)? I don't remember him.

[Alkie]

You know, I'd really like to pile on this guy too because he's put this shit out on a public forum, so he's fair game.

But reading this last one two posts up, I see we've gone from some tool with a keyboard to someone who actually needs help of some kind.  There are some very real psychosocial disorders here it looks like.   

Barzilla is an egomaniacal dork who is just trying desperately to force himself into popular positions using tools anyone has (publishing self published books, joining "the media" by starting a blog, posting self-important rants using his real name on forum sites).   That guy deserves the shit we give him.   This other guy appears to be something else.   Entertaining?  Sure.   But I'm not so sure we should be piling on the guy so much as slowly walking back out of the room, eyes fixed on his twitchy hands.   This dude is going to snap someday.   I'd rather not be there for it.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

This other guy appears to be something else.   Entertaining?  Sure.   But I'm not so sure we should be piling on the guy so much as slowly walking back out of the room, eyes fixed on his twitchy hands.   This dude is going to snap someday.   I'd rather not be there for it.

IKWYM.

It's been a few years but I used to read and post on that forum. That guy, at first seemed like a faker, then an obsessive troll, then just obsessive and compulsive, then it became clear he was more than neurotic. He has physiological shit going on, it's unchecked, and it's getting worse. He needs some kind real medical help and isn't getting it from where he seeks and he knows it. Not going to end pretty.

[Alkie]

Yeah, I'm not even making a joke (I know you're not either).   That guy is going to blame the system for something he's responsible for and hurt someone someday.

Let's be glad we don't all actually meet up at bars or Astros games in person.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

He'll probably have REM's Everybody Hurts playing on his iPod as he goes about his ballet. And no I'm not kidding, I've seen how these things play out in a bunch of different movies. And movies steal shit from real life all the time!!! That's where they get their ideas from.

[Alkie]

Listening to REM makes me want to kill again.  Again.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

That one song is a murder motivator. They couldn't have done better if they were trying. I don't think they were. Intentionally.

[strosrays]

It's like Ron Brand said, the deeper you go into that thread, the devolution is breathtaking.

And I agree, I think at some point one realizes, wow, this guy is really fucking disturbed.  It is hard not to laugh at individual posts like have been quoted here, but what happens if you try to read through the whole thread - and I couldn't make it all the way, either, I got to page 8 or 10 and realized it was starting to ruin my day - is that the accumulated craziness begins to take on a pattern, and then you see this guy is either a really clever artist or certifiably batshit insane.

The part that gets me is Barzilla and his new friend are so wrapped up in their own and each other's brilliance and genius and world-weary breadth of knowledge of everything, they don't seem to realize this guy RyanED (who posted here under the same handle, I believe) is falling apart, right under their noses.

You know, I'd really like to pile on this guy too because he's put this shit out on a public forum, so he's fair game.

But reading this last one two posts up, I see we've gone from some tool with a keyboard to someone who actually needs help of some kind.  There are some very real psychosocial disorders here it looks like.   

Barzilla is an egomaniacal dork who is just trying desperately to force himself into popular positions using tools anyone has (publishing self published books, joining "the media" by starting a blog, posting self-important rants using his real name on forum sites).   That guy deserves the shit we give him.   This other guy appears to be something else.   Entertaining?  Sure.   But I'm not so sure we should be piling on the guy so much as slowly walking back out of the room, eyes fixed on his twitchy hands.   This dude is going to snap someday.   I'd rather not be there for it.

The thing I keep thinking about is, that thread is two years old, which direction has he gone in the meantime, and how far?  I know what you mean about not wanting to be around when he finally goes off.  And somewhere in there he mentioned he is 6' 5" and "350-ish", which means 375, at least.

UPDATE:  Looks like things just got worse for him, maybe he snapped already?.  If not, it's a wonder he didn't blow when his recent "health issues" caused all his Yuku friends to delete him and even block him.  Wow.

[Alkie]

Yeah, sorry guys, I'm out of this one.

This guy needs actual help.  Making fun of sick people isn't much fun for me.

But we can go back to making fun of Barzilla.

[matadorph]

Barzilla's I have a book deal thread is some great comedy.

He gives his yuku buddies hour-by-hour updates on the intense negotiations between him and his publisher, then announces that he has a cover design for his important novel, only to ask how to post a pic of it online.

[SaltyParker]

Just the first 3 posts had me laughing out loud.

[chandler44]

Enjoy

[Alkie]

Barzilla's I have a book deal thread is some great comedy.

The guy who has worked for me for the last 4 years is a creative writing PhD student at UH (which has a fantastic creative writing program; #2 in the nation).   He very rarely talks about his "real life" as a writer/professor when he's at his day job at my place but I've heard enough to know that this is not how a real book gets published.

If your agent bails on you during the process, that usually means the deal is dead, not that the "publishing company" asks you to pay their costs. 

Paying to have your book published isn't having a book published.   If I get a column published in the Investment News by paying the advertising rate by the column inch, that's called an "ad" not a "column."

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Enjoy

Wow! I can't remember last time I read something less compelling.

[Alkie]

Wow! I can't remember last time I read something less compelling.

Well, there was 4 minutes ago here in this very thread.

[BizidyDizidy]

That thread is one of the creepiest things I have ever read. Today I read a chron news story about a mentally disabled person with a history of being arrested for having sex with horses - my first thought was to see if the age made sense for RyanED (it didn't, thank god).

I hope he has gotten help - it is embarassing to read both barzilla and mike flax respond to him like nothing is out of the ordinary.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Well, there was 4 minutes ago here in this very thread.

That was at least 3% more compelling than page 212 of Combating Ignorance.

[Navin R Johnson]

I think Barzilla read one too many Billy Mumphrey stories.

[BizidyDizidy]

Oh this book is great - just read this gym of a paragraph:

"According to the crackpot theory of pot smoking child psychologists, child development is a very rudimentary process. It is very important that you crawl before you walk (literally.) <sic> Some children skip this process and suffer dire developmental problems (according to these psychologists). Apparently crawling stimulates the brain and helps the child learn to talk."

I'm pretty sure every chip on the shoulder Barzilla has will be layed bare in this travesty of modern american literature - I can't wait for the chapter where he posts on BlueKickButt.com.

ETA: Oh my god - now he's talking about how well he scores on IQ tests. You have to read this.

[subnuclear]

Oh this book is great - just read this gym of a paragraph:

"According to the crackpot theory of pot smoking child psychologists, child development is a very rudimentary process. It is very important that you crawl before you walk (literally.) <sic> Some children skip this process and suffer dire developmental problems (according to these psychologists). Apparently crawling stimulates the brain and helps the child learn to talk."

I'm pretty sure every chip on the shoulder Barzilla has will be layed bare in this travesty of modern american literature - I can't wait for the chapter where he posts on BlueKickButt.com.

ETA: Oh my god - now he's talking about how well he scores on IQ tests. You have to read this.

Don't you have a job or something?

[BizidyDizidy]

Don't you have a job or something?

I wouldn't read it on my own time...

[subnuclear]

I wouldn't read it on my own time...

This is an excellent point. Carry on!

[BizidyDizidy]

There is a whole chapter devoted to his little league, middle school, and high school sports career. You could not make this up.

[Andyzipp]

There is a whole chapter devoted to his little league, middle school, and high school sports career. You could not make this up.

No.  It's a fictional character.  Not Scott Barzilla.  Jack Sutherford.

[BizidyDizidy]

No.  It's a fictional character.  Not Scott Barzilla.  Jack.

To my horror, I've just learned that the google books preview only includes 70 pages. Now I am faced with the difficult decision of whether it's worth 15 bucks (7.50 to Jack Suthzilla) to continue to gawk at this train wreck.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

There is a whole chapter devoted to his little league, middle school, and high school sports career. You could not make this up.

Is there any mention of a gem class?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

To my horror, I've just learned that the google books preview only includes 70 pages. Now I am faced with the difficult decision of whether it's worth 15 bucks (7.50 to Jack Suthzilla) to continue to gawk at this train wreck.

I think it would be quite magnanimous of you to by several copies.

[JackAstro]

Enjoy

Since he decided to change the city names to protect the innocent, I've been thrown off the trail...

Jack came from a small suburb outside of Allenville. Allenville is a large city in the southern United States near the Gulf of Mexico. Tranquility Lakes was not its own city; Allenville had annexed the town before the Sutherfords moved there in the late 1970s. However, Tranquility Lakes stood 25 miles from downtown Allenville, so most residents did not consider themselves to be Allenville residents.

It's Detroit, right? Did I get it? What do I win?

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

Since he decided to change the city names to protect the innocent, I've been thrown off the trail...

It's Detroit, right? Did I get it? What do I win?

Bobby Valentine thinks that that was a bad disguise.

Also, this book reminds me of this: http://www.storiesofintrigue.com/

[S.P. Rodriguez]

Oh, just tell me that cock-sucker is from Clear Lake.  I understand he taught in CCISD, but being "from the area", for me personally, explains oh so many things.

[JackAstro]

Oh, just tell me that cock-sucker is from Clear Lake.  I understand he taught in CCISD, but being "from the area", for me personally, explains oh so many things.

I think you may be confused. He's from Tranquility Lakes, which I believe is a suburb of Detroit.

[Waldo]

Is there any mention of a gem class?

Brilliant.

[strosrays]

I'm not going to read his book.  I don't need to.  I can see how much he sucks as a writer just by the descriptive paragraph on the back of the dust jacket, which was obviously composed by Shakes-zilla, himself.

The Link

That's one of the most poorly constructed collections of poorly constructed sentences I've seen in a long while, maybe ever on the cover of a book.  The thing deserves to be kindling, just for that.

[Andyzipp]

I'm not going to read his book.  I don't need to.  I can see how much he sucks as a writer just by the descriptive paragraph on the back of the dust jacket, which was obviously composed by Shakes-zilla, himself.

The Link

That's one of the most poorly constructed collections of poorly constructed sentences I've seen in a long while, maybe ever on the cover of a book.  The thing deserves to be kindling, just for that.

The bit where he claims to not need editing because he taught high school English...it makes me giggle just thinking about it.

[BizidyDizidy]

I'm not going to read his book.  I don't need to.  I can see how much he sucks as a writer just by the descriptive paragraph on the back of the dust jacket, which was obviously composed by Shakes-zilla, himself.

The Link

That's one of the most poorly constructed collections of poorly constructed sentences I've seen in a long while, maybe ever on the cover of a book.  The thing deserves to be kindling, just for that.

You are doing yourself a disservice - once you get over the hilarity of his inability to write (strange, because he repeatedly refers to how good of a natural writer he - i mean, Jack - is), the almost too sad to be funny (but not quite) stories of his own life take over.

[strosrays]

The bit where he claims to not need editing because he taught high school English...it makes me giggle just thinking about it.

I'd love to sit down with my E.B. White and just deconstruct that one paragraph, though that by itself would be more trouble than it was worth.  And life is too short.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

I think you may be confused. He's from Tranquility Lakes, which I believe is a suburb of Detroit.

confirmed... CLHS, class of '93

[Bench]

I'd love to sit down with my E.B. White and just deconstruct that one paragraph, though that by itself would be more trouble than it was worth.  And life is too short.

The first sentence really wanes as it "continued through." 

[matadorph]

I think you may be confused. He's from Tranquility Lakes, which I believe is a suburb of Detroit.

Lemme guess...is the high school mascot an Eagle?

[strosrays]

You are doing yourself a disservice - once you get over the hilarity of his inability to write (strange, because he repeatedly refers to how good of a natural writer he - i mean, Jack - is), the almost too sad to be funny (but not quite) stories of his own life take over.

Well, RyanED is bipolar or something, we've he's established that.  And it sounds like, from your reading, that our suspicions Barzilla suffers from serious delusions of grandeur is panning out.  And if you do any looking into this Mike Flex person at all, you begin to get the sense he is another pea in that pod.  Plus, she was only involved intermittently, but that dingbat Astros Girl/J-Mag was in the original thread, as well.

There must have been an alignment of the planets that day.  The crazy planets.

[MusicMan]

To my horror, I've just learned that the google books preview only includes 70 pages. Now I am faced with the difficult decision of whether it's worth 15 bucks (7.50 to Jack Suthzilla) to continue to gawk at this train wreck.

If that decision is difficult, I hereby declare the recession to be over.

[Jack Sutherford]

I would apreciate it if you all would buy my book. Its very good and it has a lot of good stuff (things) in it that you can use in your day to day lifes. Plus it has some good writing if I do say so myself.

[chandler44]

that dingbat Astros Girl/J-Mag was in the original thread

AstrosGirl & Astro Annie aka J-Mag are two completely different people.

[Navin R Johnson]

Combating Ignorance, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust and...unbridled enthusiasm.  That's what led to Jack Sutherford's downfall.

You see, Jack was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.

[Limey]

I would apreciate it if you all would buy my book. Its very good and it has a lot of good stuff (things) in it that you can use in your day to day lifes. Plus it has some good writing if I do say so myself.

I'm going to take the advice inherent in the title, and not buy it.  Thanks anyway.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

The bit where he claims to not need editing because he taught high school English...it makes me giggle just thinking about it.

Isn't there some saying about a writer who self-edits has a fool for an editor?
Or something like that. They also say physician heal thyself, so there is that.

[Bench]

I would apreciate it if you all would buy my book. Its very good and it has a lot of good stuff (things) in it that you can use in your day to day lifes. Plus it has some good writing if I do say so myself.

If the editing in the book is anything like the editing of that post, you should have paid the extra scratch to have the publishing company hire a professional.

[strosrays]

I would apreciate it if you all would buy my book. Its very good and it has a lot of good stuff (things) in it that you can use in your day to day lifes. Plus it has some good writing if I do say so myself.

I'm down with A-B-C, you know me.

[strosrays]

AstrosGirl & Astro Annie aka J-Mag are two completely different people.

Duly noted.

Pretty funny, looks like the natives are getting restless.
The Link

[Rebel Jew]

Duly noted.

Pretty funny, looks like the natives are getting restless.
The Link

RyanEd post count:
37703

[matadorph]

I'm down with A-B-C, you know me.

Omfg. He is still using that as his signature at speedy's forum! And he fancies himself a talented writer.

The world, full of greatness it is.

[geezerdonk]

Why do these assholes have to announce that they are Catholics? The Church is just beginning to recover from the priest sex abuse scandal and now this - more ammunition for Catholic bashers.
What about the Inquisition?
What about Barzilla?
What about RyanED?

[hostros7]

Two things. 

1. The post brought out by Ron Brand that RyanED made on the Christian website literally ruined my day.  Wow.  This has nothing to do with Christian/Muslim/Judaism/Alienism.  Realizing your life was spiraling out of control while watching your yuku friends dwindle?  Eesh.  I'm depressed now.
2.  Then I read that second post on Mark Prior and no longer felt bad for the guy.  I mean seriously... learn how to fucking use parentheses correctly. 

[Jack Sutherford]

If the editing in the book is anything like the editing of that post, you should have paid the extra scratch to have the publishing company hire a professional.

Spare me your jealousy.

[Jack Sutherford]

If the editing in the book is anything like the editing of that post, you should have paid the extra scratch to have the publishing company hire a professional.

I think that my years of teaching English in high school qualify me (pretty much) to be as good at writing as anybody else is.

[JackAstro]

Spare me your jealousy.

Miss you.

[BudGirl]

Spare me your jealousy.

I usually feel sorry for some of the posters that get beat down by the regulars here, but in your case, I don't.

I doubt Bench is jealous of you.

[Alkie]

I'm trying to imagine Barzilla peddling this to real agents.

"Hi, Ira, this is Scott Barzilla in Houston....."
"Scott, put Amy on."
"Who?
"Amy.  This is Amy's assistant Scott on Houston St?"
"No, no, Mr. Greenfeld, this is Scott Barzilla, I'm a writer from Houston, Texas."
"Explains why you misprounced it.  Who gave you this number?"
"Well, sir, that's not really what's important.  What's important is that I have a book that I wrote..."
"...who doesn't, kid, get to the point."
"Well, it's that I've got the All American story.   Local kid does good.   Boy grows up to become a public school teacher and this book is a barely fictional version of his life's story."
"and?"
"And, you know, all the people he meets and his story."
"and?"
"And the protag is Jack Sutherford."
"You took the name of the character from a popular TV show and juxtaposed it with the actor's name?   Amy, is this you?  This isn't funny."
"No sir, Ira.....Mr. Greenfeld, this is Scott Barzilla..."
"YES.  From HOUSTON.  I heard you.   Look kid, I have about 13 Pulitzer winners, 4 Nobel winners, and countless NY Times Bestsellers trying to get me to read their book.   Have you tried one of those publish it yourself thingies online?   I bet they'd take you."
"You...you THINK so, Mr. Ira?"
"Sure, you pay all the costs so they don't care what drivel you've written."
"Gosh, Mr. Greenfeld, I can't thank you enough!"
"Sure.  Now put Amy back on the line."

[MRaup]

Spare me your jealousy.

I can't help but read anything posted by Jack in the Ben Stiller from Dodgeball voice.

[Ron Brand]

I can't help but read anything posted by Jack in the Ben Stiller from Dodgeball voice.

Oh, all right. You know that part in Spartacus, where everybody stands up and says, "I'm Spartacus." I know I'm throwing away the chance for comedy gold here, but...I'm Jack Sutherford. I just can't keep up the charade any longer.

And I prefer to be heard in the Simple Jack voice, given the opportunity.

[Alkie]

Oh, all right. You know that part in Spartacus, where everybody stands up and says, "I'm Spartacus." I know I'm throwing away the chance for comedy gold here, but...I'm Jack Sutherford. I just can't keep up the charade any longer.

And I prefer to be heard in the Simple Jack voice, given the opportunity.

Violation of site rules.   BAN HIM!  BAAAAAAAAAN HIM!!!!!!

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

Looks like you already went full retard a long time ago.

[MusicMan]

Robert Downey Jr.'s career advice to Barzilla

[Ron Brand]

Looks like you already went full retard a long time ago.

I know, I know. It's fun until someone gets their eye put out.

[JackAstro]

Oh, all right. You know that part in Spartacus, where everybody stands up and says, "I'm Spartacus." I know I'm throwing away the chance for comedy gold here, but...I'm Jack Sutherford. I just can't keep up the charade any longer.

And I prefer to be heard in the Simple Jack voice, given the opportunity.

(stands up)

I am Jack Suth... no, I can't do it. Sorry.

[hostros7]

I almost feel mean posting this, but it's just too perfect.

http://jjb.yuku.com/topic/404541/t/Hello-I-39-m-new-to-the-JJB.html?page=1

[MusicMan]

I almost feel mean posting this, but it's just too perfect.

http://jjb.yuku.com/topic/404541/t/Hello-I-39-m-new-to-the-JJB.html?page=1

Seriously, I think we can stop piling on this guy.  My experience is that he's clearly not right, but in the harmless not right category.

[hostros7]

Seriously, I think we can stop piling on this guy.  My experience is that he's clearly not right, but in the harmless not right category.

Noted and agreed.

[Bench]

What is yuku? 

[Andyzipp]

What is yuku? 

what ezboard turned into.  Just a cluster of message boards.

[JackAstro]

what ezboard turned into.  Just a clusterfuck of message boards.

FIFY

[BizidyDizidy]

http://kissmyastros.com/

[Limey]

I can't help but read anything posted by Jack in the Ben Stiller from Dodgeball voice.

...or Hank Evans from "Me, Myself & Irene".

[Alkie]

http://kissmyastros.com/

So...........sleepy...............

[Alkie]

Found this on a website for REAL writers/authors regarding the "publishing company" that "published" the book.

http://www.sfwa.org/beware/general.html#Literary

[homer]

Maybe someone should tell him.

[Lurch]

Hmm.  Controlled by Robert Fletcher.  It's all coming together now.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Yeah, so what. That poor sad bastard can still type a lot of words and dream. Why burst the bubble? Let him bask in the grandeur of his delusions.

[MRaup]

Yeah, so what. That poor sad bastard can still type a lot of words and dream. Why burst the bubble? Let him bask in the grandeur of his delusions.

You obviously are missing the point.

[JackAstro]

Hmm.  Controlled by Robert Fletcher.  It's all coming together now.

And like that...

...he's gone.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

You obviously are missing the point.

As I often do.

[Gizzmonic]

Bobby Valentine thinks that that was a bad disguise.

Also, this book reminds me of this: http://www.storiesofintrigue.com/

Great site, GBB!