Author Topic: The Greatest Commute Ever. (Read 6078 times)

Alkie · « **on:** June 19, 2009, 05:18:03 pm »

This post has nothing to do with where you live. This post has nothing to do with comparisons. This post has nothing to do with where I came from, grew up, got educated, or started my business. If you want to pretend to have some inferiority thing, go on witchabadself, but that's not the point of this post.

Today I decided to try something I've never done at any job, in any city, for any reason. I decided, at 3:27pm today and 76 degree weather outside that I was going to walk home from work.

I know, you're wondering what kind of idiot would do that when they could just drive or take public transportation.

It was the greatest commute I've ever been a part of.

I walked from my office in the Flatiron District to my apartment half-way up Central Park. 58 blocks. Took exactly one hour and zero minutes from front door to front door.

As I walked out my office, I looked across the street at the Flatiron Building. You know it, even if you don't think you do. It's the big triangular building.

Started walking up Broadway on the straightest path from my office to my house. Passed through Little Africa, past the Macy's on 34th Street where a miracle once happened.

Walked through Times Square from one end to the other. Saw the lights and pretty tourists getting mugged and people of every color selling tshirts of every color.

Walked past the Ed Sullivan Theatre where the Late Show With David Letterman is taped, but not tonight. Doesn't keep a few protesters from showing off their ignorance.

Walked past Studio 54.

Walked thru Columbus Circle, home of Time Warner. Saw the CNN Building and the HQ of Time.

Walked thru Central Park (the edge).

Walked over the spot where John Lennon was shot.

Walked past the building demolished by Zuul and Gozar the Gozarian.

Walked past the homes of Bono, Steve Jobs, Jerry Seinfield, and countless other celebrities.

Bought a water at a hot dog stand in Central Park.

Walked past the Museum of Natural History. Not AN museum. THE museum.

Got asked directions by a tourist. Got asked directions by a businessman from Bawston.

All this in one hour in a straight line from my office to my home. I dare say, this is the best commute on Earth. I love this town.

Noe · « **Reply #1 on:** June 19, 2009, 05:24:19 pm »

For the great unwashed in all of us: How did you managed not to be one the beautiful muggees in Times Square? If you have a method that works, let us know because I surely see myself being accosted one day. I'd like to be the voyeur in your scenario and not the muggee.

Alkie · « **Reply #2 on:** June 19, 2009, 05:34:05 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 19, 2009, 05:24:19 pm

For the great unwashed in all of us: How did you managed not to be one the beautiful muggees in Times Square? If you have a method that works, let us know because I surely see myself being accosted one day. I'd like to be the voyeur in your scenario and not the muggee.

As the only part of my story that wasn't 100% true, I'm not sure I have a real answer for you.

But I will say that I'm using a trick a friend once told me well before I even thought about moving here. The trick to not getting mugged, yelled at, asked out, barked at, or spoken to while walking in NY is to have a look on your face like you've just been fucked with a dead cat. So far so good.

Noe · « **Reply #3 on:** June 19, 2009, 05:40:34 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2009, 05:34:05 pm

As the only part of my story that wasn't 100% true, I'm not sure I have a real answer for you.

But I will say that I'm using a trick a friend once told me well before I even thought about moving here. The trick to not getting mugged, yelled at, asked out, barked at, or spoken to while walking in NY is to have a look on your face like you've just been fucked with a dead cat. So far so good.

I've heard a "head down, don't stop, look mean" walk and attitude works well there. But honestly, I'd have a "golly, lookee thar" look for quite a long time if I were in NY. I'd be picked out as a Gomer in no time. Sad.

otterjb · « **Reply #4 on:** June 19, 2009, 05:44:52 pm »

NY is incredibly more safe than it was in the late 70's and 80's, or so I've heard (sidenote - The Bronx is Burning is a great book). Good to know that it's even more safe with a dead cat strapped to your groin.

austro · « **Reply #5 on:** June 19, 2009, 06:41:04 pm »

Quote from: otterjb on June 19, 2009, 05:44:52 pm

NY is incredibly more safe than it was in the late 70's and 80's, or so I've heard (sidenote - The Bronx is Burning is a great book). Good to know that it's even more safe with a dead cat strapped to your groin.

If I read Alkie correctly, that cat isn't strapped to your groin.

otterjb · « **Reply #6 on:** June 19, 2009, 06:57:17 pm »

Quote from: austro on June 19, 2009, 06:41:04 pm

If I read Alkie correctly, that cat isn't strapped to your groin.

Mmm. Well....that's just about the worst thing I could think of, alright!

Greg M · « **Reply #7 on:** June 19, 2009, 07:05:58 pm »

About 15 years ago, I was stuck at the 42nd street station overnight. Went outside for a smoke around 4 am and started getting a little too much attention. When a couple of sketchy dudes came my way looking for fresh meat, I started talking to them in Arabic all bug-eyed with my arms flailing all over the place. Serenity. Not a single criminal wanted to come near me. Crazy Arab trumps dead cat.

Alkie · « **Reply #8 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:16:02 pm »

Quote from: Greg M on June 19, 2009, 07:05:58 pm

Crazy Arab trumps dead cat.

I really don't know how to tell you this, but the only difference between "fucked by a dead cat" and "crazy arab" is the noise coming out of your mouth.

And I want to be abundantly clear that I am not suggesting anything negative about Arabs; who I've been defending for decades.

BatGirl · « **Reply #9 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:21:36 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2009, 08:16:02 pm

I really don't know how to tell you this, but the only difference between "fucked by a dead cat" and "crazy arab" is the noise coming out of your mouth.

And I want to be abundantly clear that I am not suggesting anything negative about Arabs; who I've been defending for decades.

what is your policy on sheiks?

Alkie · « **Reply #10 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:24:20 pm »

Quote from: BatGirl on June 19, 2009, 08:21:36 pm

what is your policy on sheiks?

Depends on whether they are Italian actors playing sheiks or actual.

Noe · « **Reply #11 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:26:27 pm »

I think there is some traction here on how to morph from Goober into Mad Tibetian. I'll work on it.

Alkie · « **Reply #12 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:27:12 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 19, 2009, 08:26:27 pm

I think there is some traction here on how to morph from Goober into Mad Tibetian. I'll work on it.

I seen you drunk. You can do it.

Noe · « **Reply #13 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:31:20 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2009, 08:27:12 pm

I seen you drunk. You can do it.

"Donn mex wif mee... I've had (holding up two fingers) three Mike's Hard Lemonades... and I'm from Tibesh!"

Alkie · « **Reply #14 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:33:41 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 19, 2009, 08:31:20 pm

"Donn mex wif mee... I've had (holding up two fingers) three Mike's Hard Lemonades... and I'm from Tibesh!"

Can I sell you a purse?

Noe · « **Reply #15 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:34:56 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2009, 08:33:41 pm

Can I sell you a purse?

*hiccup* How mush? *hiccup*

Alkie · « **Reply #16 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:35:42 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 19, 2009, 08:34:56 pm

*hiccup* How mush? *hiccup*

Well, regular price is $5, but I like your face. $15.

Noe · « **Reply #17 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:42:50 pm »

HEY!!! yourrr a great guy... deal! I'll throw in a wine cooler, just for you!

Alkie · « **Reply #18 on:** June 19, 2009, 08:45:39 pm »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 19, 2009, 08:42:50 pm

HEY!!! yourrr a great guy... deal! I'll throw in a wine cooler, just for you!

Get away from me, kid, ya bother me.

chuck · « **Reply #19 on:** June 19, 2009, 11:03:15 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2009, 08:33:41 pm

Can I sell you a purse?

Purse? PURSE? What the fuck kind of businessman are you? Sell the dude a Rolex.

juliogotay · « **Reply #20 on:** June 20, 2009, 10:05:51 am »

Alkie, I understand your exurberance. About ten years ago I woke up in NYC on business with a terrible hangover. I was staying at the Marriott Marquis. Grabbing a bagel and a coffee I walked up to Central Park where I took in the gloriousness before heading over to Carnegie Deli for a fat, salty meat sandwhich. I then proceeded to walk south all the way to Chinatown through Greenwich Village just immensly enjoying the sights and sounds of probably the greatest city in the world. It was a beautiful February day, probably in the 50's. I ended up walking back northward stopping at the Empire Central Bldg to take in the vistas at sunset and proceded to walk through mid-town until I found some Irish pub on East 50something where I stopped in for a bite and an ale. I was the only one in the place that didn't speak with a brogue. Headed back to the hotel from there, tired but totally energized. The next day, Sunday, I had Knicks-Rockets tickets from my NJ based HQ to take a client. Season tickets, second row directly behind Woody Allen and his brood. Walking is definitely the way to see the place. I have a goal of someday walking the Brooklyn Bridge.

chuck · « **Reply #21 on:** June 20, 2009, 01:03:51 pm »

Quote from: juliogotay on June 20, 2009, 10:05:51 am

I have a goal of someday walking the Brooklyn Bridge.

I took my mother to walk the Brooklyn Bridge once. A passing bicyclist called her a "fucking idiot."

Alkie · « **Reply #22 on:** June 20, 2009, 02:21:22 pm »

Quote from: chuck on June 20, 2009, 01:03:51 pm

I took my mother to walk the Brooklyn Bridge once. A passing bicyclist called her a "fucking idiot."

Not that I need to tell you this, but he was just proposing.

Bench · « **Reply #23 on:** June 20, 2009, 04:07:30 pm »

Alkie, when are you going to walk the High Line? I'm bizarrely fascinated by that... uh... park? I think it's an awesome concept, but very curious as to the execution.

chuck · « **Reply #24 on:** June 20, 2009, 05:22:24 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 20, 2009, 02:21:22 pm

Not that I need to tell you this, but he was just proposing.

Flirting I thought it was. Yeah, it was kind of creepy.

Alkie · « **Reply #25 on:** June 20, 2009, 05:57:37 pm »

Quote from: Bench on June 20, 2009, 04:07:30 pm

Alkie, when are you going to walk the High Line? I'm bizarrely fascinated by that... uh... park? I think it's an awesome concept, but very curious as to the execution.

Yeah, I was looking at that and it looks like a really cool concept.

Two things have kept me from going over there so far:

1) It's rained 15 of the 17 days we've been here so far. Apparently the wettest June in NYC history.

2) High Line is nowhere near us (either my apt or office) so we'll have to make a destination out of it and, to be honest, when we've gone to do "park like outings" we've just gone to the centrally located park outside our window. I'll write something about it once we get over there. It does look cool.

BudGirl · « **Reply #26 on:** June 20, 2009, 06:02:17 pm »

Quote from: juliogotay on June 20, 2009, 10:05:51 am

Alkie, I understand your exurberance. About ten years ago I woke up in NYC on business with a terrible hangover. I was staying at the Marriott Marquis. Grabbing a bagel and a coffee I walked up to Central Park where I took in the gloriousness before heading over to Carnegie Deli for a fat, salty meat sandwhich. I then proceeded to walk south all the way to Chinatown through Greenwich Village just immensly enjoying the sights and sounds of probably the greatest city in the world. It was a beautiful February day, probably in the 50's. I ended up walking back northward stopping at the Empire Central Bldg to take in the vistas at sunset and proceded to walk through mid-town until I found some Irish pub on East 50something where I stopped in for a bite and an ale. I was the only one in the place that didn't speak with a brogue. Headed back to the hotel from there, tired but totally energized. The next day, Sunday, I had Knicks-Rockets tickets from my NJ based HQ to take a client. Season tickets, second row directly behind Woody Allen and his brood. Walking is definitely the way to see the place. I have a goal of someday walking the Brooklyn Bridge.

walking the Brooklyn Bridge is okay, just be sure to walk back and not tour brooklyn

chuck · « **Reply #27 on:** June 20, 2009, 07:34:03 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on June 20, 2009, 06:02:17 pm

walking the Brooklyn Bridge is okay, just be sure to walk back and not tour brooklyn

The Brooklyn Bridge on the Brooklyn side communicates with the neighborhood of Brooklyn Heights which is without a doubt one of the finest neighborhoods through which to stroll in the entirety of New York City.

For example:

http://www.pbase.com/zippythechimp/brooklyn_heights

BudGirl · « **Reply #28 on:** June 20, 2009, 07:49:13 pm »

Quote from: chuck on June 20, 2009, 07:34:03 pm

The Brooklyn Bridge on the Brooklyn side communicates with the neighborhood of Brooklyn Heights which is without a doubt one of the finest neighborhoods through which to stroll in the entirety of New York City.

For example:

http://www.pbase.com/zippythechimp/brooklyn_heights

being the tourist i was, we jumped on the tour bus. it was a horrible tour. he made a passing comment about Dodger Stadium. He kept talking about where the cosby's would have lived. i did go to the post office there.

Alkie · « **Reply #29 on:** June 20, 2009, 07:54:37 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on June 20, 2009, 07:49:13 pm

being the tourist i was, we jumped on the tour bus.

Mistake #1.

For some fucking reason, the Double Decker Tourist Busaroo goes down 86th street every 6 minutes or so. My kid and I have a new routine for the tourists. When we see the bus coming, she pulls out a plastic toy gun and puts it in my back. Just as the bus goes by, she screams GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT MISTER!

You can pick out the out-of-town-family from the locals-who-got-screwed-into-taking-their-out-of-town-family-members on the tour bus instantly.

Everyone goes home feeling validated.

BudGirl · « **Reply #30 on:** June 20, 2009, 08:00:26 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 20, 2009, 07:54:37 pm

Mistake #1.

For some fucking reason, the Double Decker Tourist Busaroo goes down 86th street every 6 minutes or so. My kid and I have a new routine for the tourists. When we see the bus coming, she pulls out a plastic toy gun and puts it in my back. Just as the bus goes by, she screams GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT MISTER!

You can pick out the out-of-town-family from the locals-who-got-screwed-into-taking-their-out-of-town-family-members on the tour bus instantly.

Everyone goes home feeling validated.

nah, the tour was good for a quick trip around manhattan. i now have an idea of your commute because of it. i wouldn't do it again

Alkie · « **Reply #31 on:** June 20, 2009, 08:05:10 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on June 20, 2009, 08:00:26 pm

nah, the tour was good for a quick trip around manhattan. i now have an idea of your commute because of it. i wouldn't do it again

I'm pretty much against tours, especially quickie-there's-that-thing-there's-this-thing tours, but I know what you're saying. That being said, I would say NYC has to be the easiest city in America to just wander around and see pretty much everything. No book. No guide. Just wander. Not many cities you can do that in America.

I will say I've only been a NYer for 3 weeks and I already feel a real obligation to mug anyone on those buses. I'm doing them a favor.

chuck · « **Reply #32 on:** June 20, 2009, 08:08:48 pm »

http://www.amazon.com/Cruise-Timothy-Speed-Levitch/dp/B000E5N65M

TheWizard · « **Reply #33 on:** June 20, 2009, 09:54:04 pm »

Brooklyn is the new Manhattan, you know.

94CougarGrad · « **Reply #34 on:** June 21, 2009, 02:10:01 pm »

Awesome recap, Alkie... what an adventure. Never been to NYC, but I spent a lot of my teenage summers on foot wandering around Boston... was always an interesting time.

NeilT · « **Reply #35 on:** June 21, 2009, 03:27:27 pm »

I got lost in Central Park once, on a Sunday afternoon. I also got lost once in Tulia, Texas on a Saturday night. I travel a lot, and don't get lost much, but Tulia and Central Park felt equally lost to me.

Holly · « **Reply #36 on:** June 23, 2009, 10:58:37 am »

Sounds great! My husband got me walking more in May, and it's grown on me. Woke up for no good reason at 4:30am a couple weeks ago, so I made an hour of it walking from Main/Cavalcade to Shepherd and back. Muggy as heck, but otherwise cool, and until the last half of the return portion, I didn't see but one other person. Nicer than a 7pm walk of the same route.