Official (non-official) SnS: "We're gonna miss you Footer!" thread

[Noe]

Before Taras comes in here and drops the "a-hole" hammer on Ms. Footer (and she deserves it... ahum... hopefully you know what I mean by that!), we should take a moment to realize that the end of an era happened today.  Last night, Ms. Footer submitted her last report for MLB.com on the Astros.  Nice of the Astros to provide a "win one for the Gripper!" (pun intended) performance... but I digress.  So the stylings of Footer when describing the on-field goings on are no more.

Sad.

However, she will be starting her new gig on Monday, so a new day dawns.  Being the Director of Social Media (don't know the title exactly and I'm too lazy right now to go look it up) for the Houston Astros sounds very exciting and a good challenge for her to tackle.  So as in life, things change all the time.  "The only constant, Ray, is baseball" (gratuitous Field of Dreams reset).  Alkie, pravata, Footer... which one is not the same?  All are very similar in that at the SnS we're happy for them, sad for us.  Okay, we're selfish bastards (and that includes the women-folk too), if we could, we would do something radical like start an online petition to keep Footer right there typing reports of a Berkman bomb, a Pence running gaff, a Bourn spectacular catch, a Lee plowing over a teammate, a Tejada keystone kop approach to fielding and most of all a Matsui actual sighting on the field.

But alas, we have no such power.  All we have is gratitude, for all of them, especially Ms. Footer for the job well done all these years.  Stay dreamy my friend!

[das]

Before Taras comes in here and drops the "asshole" hammer on Ms. Footer (and she deserves it... ahum... hopefully you know what I mean by that!), we should take a moment to realize that the end of an era happened today.  Last night, Ms. Footer submitted her last report for MLB.com on the Astros.  Nice of the Astros to provide a "win one for the Gripper!" (pun intended) performance... but I digress.  So the stylings of Footer when describing the on-field goings on are no more.

Sad.

However, she will be starting her new gig on Monday, so a new day dawns.  Being the Director of Social Media (don't know the title exactly and I'm too lazy right now to go look it up) for the Houston Astros sounds very exciting and a good challenge for her to tackle.  So as in life, things change all the time.  "The only constant, Ray, is baseball" (gratuitous Field of Dreams reset).  Alkie, pravata, Footer... which one is not the same?  All are very similar in that at the SnS we're happy for them, sad for us.  Okay, we're selfish bastards (and that includes the women-folk too), if we could, we would do something radical like start on online petition to keep Footer right there typing reports of a Berkman bomb, a Pence running gaff, a Bourn spectacular catch, a Lee plowing over a teammate, a Tejada keystone kop approach to fielding and most of all a Matsui actual sighting on the field.

But alas, we have no such power.  All we have is gratitude, for all of them, especially Ms. Footer for the job well done all these years.  Stay dreamy my friend!

Indeed.  Well done these last few years, Ms. Footer.  We've enjoyed your candor, especially in those 11:38pm submissions before your editors got a hold of 'em and could always trust that you would report on the action, dig up info on the team and never insert yourself into the picture.  For that, we are grateful and thankful.

That said, we are all standing here with our Blackberry's, Trio's, Laptops, Palm Pilots, iPhones, workstations, etc... waiting impatiently for you to tell us where to point them to load up your blogs, tweets, forums, albums and whatever media your team produces.  Just let us know.  We're waiting.  Right here.  Impatiently.

[MusicMan]

Just let us know.  We're waiting.  Right here.  Impatiently.

Wherever you go, whatever you do... we will be right here, waiting for you.

[Ty in Tampa]

Wherever you go, whatever you do... we will be right here, waiting for you.

I ain't missing you at all.

[Noe]

Cue Patty Symth, in 4, 3, 2...

These last few weeks of holding on
The days are dull, the nights are long
Guess it's better to say

Goodbye to you..
Goodbye to you..
Goodbye to you...

Goodbye to you!

[MusicMan]

Through the storm, we reached the shore;
You gave it all, but I want more.

[Astroholic]

Hold me now!  In your loving Arms.  Stay with me.

[Taras Bulba]

You're pretty much hell on wheels, Allyson.  Asshole.

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

/tries unsuccessfully to find an appropriate Hold Steady lyric that doesn't sound stalker-ish and/or creepy.

Godspeed, Alyson.  We're looking forward to the sequel, but we'll always be fans of the original.

[Andyzipp]

Really hoping that someone has explained this to her...Asshole!

If not, there's not hope she's ever going to respond to my tweets.

[jonbloozy]

Dude, you just stickeyed Footer.  Just sayin' . . .

[Limey]

Wherever you go, whatever you do... we will be right here, waiting for you.

Where'er you go.

[Noe]

Where'er you go.

Oh yeah, well here you go!

Why don't you come back please hurry
why don't you come back please hurry

Come back and stay for good this time
come back and stay for good this time

GBB is right, this is getting a bit stalker-ish and creepy! Anyway, good retro 80s music never hurt anyone.

[Limey]

Oh yeah, well here you go!

Why don't you come back please hurry
why don't you come back please hurry

Come back and stay for good this time
come back and stay for good this time

GBB is right, this is getting a bit stalker-ish and creepy! Anyway, good retro 80s music never hurt anyone.

I don't even want to know from what dark recesses you pulled that one.  But kudos, sir.  Kudos.

[Noe]

I don't even want to know from what dark recesses you pulled that one.  But kudos, sir.  Kudos.

Blue-eyed soul fan from way back!

(ETA: Paul Young can lip sync too.  Who knew!)

[chuck]

Blue-eyed soul fan from way back!

(ETA: Paul Young can lip sync too.  Who knew!)

I played in a band once upon a time with a guy who was Paul Young's drummer for a couple of world tours. He had lots of stories. He was a great guy, this drummer Tommy. I have never met a more frequently positive person. 'Have you ever heard of Such-and-Such a band?' one might ask? My answer would surely be, Yeah, they suck. Tommy would surely say, Yeah, they're great! Love that record!' Etc.

He was married to a German woman who was a huge star in Europe based on some sort of Coca-Cola commercial she'd sung. (At least this is the story insofar as I understood it.) The upshot was Tommy spent six months living and recording in Peter Gabriel's studio in Bath. He had lots of stories about that, too. He'd wander down the hall and suddenly there was Rock Star X standing there. He'd show up to the dining room for lunch and there's Rock Star Y. Etc.

But his best stories were of a different bent. Enjoying the company of a lady of an evening and only realizing that she had a colostomy bag the next morning. Etc.

The best thing about good old Tommy, though, I think, was his incredible scatalogical fixation. I have never seen someone so delighted by shit in my life. I remember his laughing himself into hysterics at the idea of 'hanging his monkey butt over the edge' of a tenement and shitting on the passersby below.

I used to sit in a van with this fellow for hours and hours every day. I guess the guys in Paul Young's band traveled separately.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Good luck Alyson. At the risk of looking like a stalker, I submit the following. Dyer Maker.

[Duman]

Best of luck Ms. Footer. 

[Holly]

Blue-eyed soul fan from way back!

(ETA: Paul Young can lip sync too.  Who knew!)

Aw, man. I gotta see that when I get home. I had Paul Young since No Parlez (ie: BEFORE covering H&O). Good good stuff. Wish he were still singing. His cover of "Wherever I Lay My Hat" is just terrific.

[Lurch]

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
Ill be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
Ill be watching you

[Limey]

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
Ill be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
Ill be watching you

Well, that clears up any confusion as to whether this thread constitutes stalking.

[JimR]

Good luck to you, Alyson. i enjoy your candid reporting and hope you continue to call it like you see it. if Pam Gardner calls, do not answer.

[moriartp]

Creepiest thread ever. But thanks for everything, Footer, and good luck.

[JackAstro]

Alyson,

As a charter signatory on The Footer Infallibility Doctrine, I have had tremendous difficulty reconciling my feelings concerning your decision. On the one hand, you made the decision, so it must be correct. On the other hand, things that involve Twitter are inherently wrong and distasteful. So conflicted...

Regardless, your work at MLB.com will be sorely missed by many. We've all been extremely fortunate to have a beat reporter of your caliber covering the team we love for so long. Best of luck to you, and thanks.

[Ty in Tampa]

Alyson,

I know this world is killing you. Alyson, my aim is true.

Declan

[Andyzipp]

Alyson,

I know this world is killing you. Alyson, my aim is true.

Declan

Cabrera reads Off Day.

[Ty in Tampa]

Cabrera reads Off Day.

I knew I read that somewhere. That was so, like, 2 weeks ago.

[Taras Bulba]

Alyson: If you don't have multiple deadbolts and a 12 gauge, it's high time.

[Andyzipp]

Does this keep going until she responds to one of you?  It's getting creepy, and frankly most of us aren't good-looking enough to pull off creepy for very long.

[homer]

It's getting creepy, and frankly most of us aren't good-looking enough to pull off creepy for very long.

Amateurs.

Sincerely,

Denny Neagle

[JackAstro]

Does this keep going until she responds to one of you?  It's getting creepy, and frankly most of us aren't good-looking enough to pull off creepy for very long.

"Getting"?

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

This whole thread got to the restraining order level faster than BudGirl at Dodgers batting practice.

[strosrays]

Oh my darling, let me whisper
sweet words of pizmotality
and discuss the puppetutes of love

Alyson,

I've been sitting in my room, alone on my bed, cutting out paper dolls that look just like you.  These dolls are my secret fantasy, and will take the place of you, once you are gone.  I call them my "puppetutes."

Since you have decided to leave me, my puppetutes will be my everything now and, one day, will bear my children.  Meantime, they remind me of you, as I whisper the sweet pizmotality to them, the secret words that were meant only for my lover, only for you.

Have a good one.

Love,
'strosrays

[MikeyBoy]

Does this keep going until she responds to one of you?  It's getting creepy, and frankly most of us aren't good-looking enough to pull off creepy for very long.

It's ok, most of us don't leave the basement.

[alyson footer]

When I took this job, my first thought was "Oh my God, I can't believe I am leaving MLB.com." My second thought was (and I am not b-s-ing on this), "most fans are going to love what we do with this new gig. Orangewhoopass (sorry, that's what you'll always be to me) is going to hate this."

Thanks for the really nice, really unique sendoff. I don't know why everyone is calling me A-hole, but I am assuming it's said with affection, stemming from some sort of joke I missed over the years, much like that guy Cabrera. Considering my best friend from my growing up years called me F---house, and I called her F---face (without the dashes), and we referred to the bad kids who lived down the street and did drugs as "Neighbor Hoods," I can deal with A-hole. In fact, I've dealt with several A-holes over the years, so the term has a ring to it.

This is the web site to surf when you need to talk stats, the nitty gritty, the fifth inning, the why-the-hell-did-this-guy-pinch-hit-when-this other-guy-clearly-hits-lefties-better-with-runners-in-scoring position-type-of-conversation. That is why of all people, you might not warm up to my new gig right away. The official title is Sr. Director of Digital Media. In layman's terms, I'll be blogging, Twittering and Facebooking my way through the Major Leagues. Hard news, breaking news and any other kind of news is now Brian McTaggart's responsiblity. I'm hoping to bring the story within the story, to make the fans feel like they're there, even when they're not. I don't know if you all will have much use for it, but this job is going to be -- gasp -- fun! And interesting to Joe Fan. You are are not Joe Fan -- you're more locked in, more knowledgeable, and more analytical. But I also believe you might get a kick out of some of the insider stuff that I provide, even if it's not stat-driven.

So thanks for the laughs over the years. Even though I didn't participate in the discussion, I was reading, and agreeing, and laughing. The Oswalt restaurant thread is Hall of Fame worthy.

I leave MLB.com with sadness, but I know I did the right thing. Without going too far into it, the Elvis Costello lyrics are pretty close -- the world is killing me.

But it's about to get a heck of a lot better.

XO, a-holes!

Alyson

[JackAstro]

Well said. Asshole.

[jonbloozy]

Tweeting, Alyson, tweeting.  I can't tell you how much I look forward to the day that I no longer have to hear about Greg Lucas tweeting.  Asshole.

[alyson footer]

I hate the word tweeting. That's already a word, assigned to birds.

[hostros7]

F---house just deus ex machina'd the shit out of this site.  Nice exuent.  On a side note, it's fortunate that she didn't post that on astrosdaily or that "XO" would have been the closest RyanED has ever come to getting laid.

[Andyzipp]

We hate stats. And did you know we have a frontpage?

And now, imagining you saying fuckface...I think I have even more unhealthy feelings toward you now.  Thanks for the great work.  Asshole!

[jonbloozy]

I hate the word tweeting. That's already a word, assigned to birds.

Me too, actually.  As usual, there's nothing I can say to improve on what you've already stated. 

BTW, I just talked to your new boss.  He told me, that, as a stipulation in your new contract, you are required to post semi-regularily on this site.  Sorry 'bout that.

[Andyzipp]

Me too, actually.  As usual, there's nothing I can say to improve on what you've already stated. 

BTW, I just talked to your new boss.  He told me, that, as a stipulation in your new contract, you are required to post semi-regularily on this site.  Sorry 'bout that.

Or we could give you a column...just sayin.

[JackAstro]

Or we could give you a column...just sayin.

That counts as social media, yeah? If nothing else, it's a tax write-off. MusicMan, tell the nice lady it's a tax write-off.

[Noe]

I dunno... methinks AF is going to have to pass our very own social media quiz before we start making any sort of arrangements here. Okay, cue the quiz music... in 3... 2... 1...

Welcome to the: How well do you know SpikesnStars quiz?

1. Taras Bulba is actually a fake name for:

• A. Mandrake The Magnificent
• B. Ulysses S. Grant
• C. The Flying Pig in San Marcos
• D. A Computer Bot

2. SpikesnStars was not the first name choice for this site, Orangewhoopass was, however the site was named something else for several hours after launch.  Was it:

• A. Andy's Palace
• B. Orangewhoop-hinnie
• C. Waldo's World
• D. The Last American Outpost of Truth, Happiness, Justice and Baseball... We Will Never Surrender... Come and Get Us Coppers!!!... You'll Pry These Mice from our Cold Dead Hands... A-Holes!

3. Cabrera is code-speak for:

• A. You're An Idiot
• B. I'm An Idiot
• C. We're All Idiots
• D. Head Lice

4. A POTWA is:

• A. cureable with penicillin
• B. unspoken in polite circles
• C. code-speak for poo-ductivity
• D. Head Lice Shampoo

5. To be a columnista in this place, one must:

• A. Pay cold hard American cash
• B. Be in possession of compromising pictures of Andyzipp, preferably doctored by JackAstro
• C. Be in the Witness Protection Program
• D. Be drunk and say "yes" before you can realize what a mistake you just made (no backsees... knock on wood... nah, nah)

Bonus Question:

Are you smarter than the average TZer?

• A. Gawd, I hope so!
• B. You have to ask?
• C. Seriously?
• D. None of the above

Thank you.  Others who have taken this test and their scores:

JimR - 33%
Waldo - 1000% (we suspect he doctored the database)
JaneDoe - 0%
Homer - 0%
Budgirl - too drunk to finish the quiz, disqualified
Noe - refused to take his own quiz
MikeyBoy - did not have change for a twenty
Andyzipp - took the remainder of Jim's points - 67%
HudsonHawk - 0%
Taras Bulba - sued the SnS because of the racially biased quiz
JackAstro - could not find Matsui's interpeter to read the quiz to him
chuck - said "screw you!" and walked away
Ty in Tampa - you don't wanna know
MRaup - see Budgirl
das - minus 0% (claimed he had a 50% chance of passing)
Mr. Happy - sadly, a 0%

more to come...

[DVauthrin]

Good luck to you, Alyson. i enjoy your candid reporting and hope you continue to call it like you see it. if Pam Gardner calls, do not answer.

Agreed on all counts.   Congrats Alyson.

[Bench]

I guess we're going to have to add Asshole! to the Funk and Wagner.  Incidentally, Alyson, you can read all about Senor Cabrera there, after which several people will happily tell you all about it all over again.

Best of luck on the new job.  Your writing, reporting, and insight will be sorely missed from the journalistic standpoint, but I'm sure we'll enjoy what you produce for the organization. 

[JimR]

"Asshole," near as i can tell, was Taras Bulba's designation for someone he thought was a great writer. the site has picked it up (with rubber gloves?). i agree the term belongs in the Funk and Wagner.

glad you stopped by, Ms. F. come back to see us when you can stay longer.

[Noe]

Does this keep going until she responds to one of you?  It's getting creepy, and frankly most of us aren't good-looking enough to pull off creepy for very long.

"most"?

[Andyzipp]

"most"?

I haven't seen all of us, so I didn't want to cast aspersions.

[moriartp]

It's getting creepy, and frankly most of us aren't good-looking enough to pull off creepy for very long.

Speak for yourself there, bud. I'm cute as a button.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Creepy is overrated.

[Mr. Happy]

Ms. Footer:

Thanks for coming by! Thanks a million for all the candid, spot-fucking-on writing over the years. Mr. McTaggart has some big shoes to fill. Many of us are worried that he can't or won't fill them. But maybe that's just our Chron biases coming through, although the Comical deserves all the shit we give it.

Best of luck in life.

Paul a/k/a Mr. Happy

[Mr. Happy]

Oh my darling, let me whisper
sweet words of pizmotality
and discuss the puppetutes of love

Alyson,

I've been sitting in my room, alone on my bed, cutting out paper dolls that look just like you.  These dolls are my secret fantasy, and will take the place of you, once you are gone.  I call them my "puppetutes."

Since you have decided to leave me, my puppetutes will be my everything now and, one day, will bear my children.  Meantime, they remind me of you, as I whisper the sweet pizmotality to them, the secret words that were meant only for my lover, only for you.

Have a good one.

Love,
'strosrays

What an awesome song. The Letter by the Medallions, solid gold 1954.

[austro]

What an awesome song. The Letter by the Medallions, solid gold 1954.

Is "puppetutes of love" what Steve Miller was singing about? I have never figured that out.

[juliogotay]

Is "puppetutes of love" what Steve Miller was singing about? I have never figured that out.

He speaks of the pompitus of love.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

The Straight Dope gets to the bottom of the puppetutes pompatus stuff.

[juliogotay]

The Straight Dope gets to the bottom of the puppetutes pompatus stuff.

I'm more confused after reading that than before.

[austro]

The Straight Dope gets to the bottom of the puppetutes pompatus stuff.

Thanks. I'm still confused, but I'm much happier.

[Reuben]

can't believe no one's dropped this one in here yet:

from distant star
to this here bar
the me, the you
where are we now?
horray the blues
of everyone
alyson

keeps a smile
around a while
he took no fright
and jettisoned
we'll go tonight
to hear him tell
"oh well"
alyson
alyson

and when the planet hit the sun
i saw the face of alyson
alyson
alyson

[TheWizard]

Well, I think creepy successfully and completely sums up this thread.

[Tralfaz]

"Orangewhoopass (sorry, that's what you'll always be to me) is going to hate this."

You had us at Orangewhoopass.

[ybbodeus]

Well, I think creepy successfully and completely sums up this thread.

This board helped me to realize I am in fact creepy.

[MRaup]

This board helped me to realize I am in fact creepy.

You could've just asked me. I've known since your first post.

[homer]

You could've just asked me. I've known since your first post.

I am surprised you were able to gather anthing from his first post.

[ybbodeus]

"Thamks."