Author Topic: Texts from Last Night (Read 17153 times)

BudGirl · « **on:** May 14, 2009, 12:18:35 pm »

Not sure if anyone has seen this before, but I find it humorous.

OregonStrosFan · « **Reply #1 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:24:56 pm »

Evidently Fredia has seen it:

(518): I hraet yuo
(862): did you say you heart me or hate me?
(518): who is this?

MRaup · « **Reply #2 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:44:03 pm »

That site is pretty much amazing.

BudGirl · « **Reply #3 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:49:33 pm »

i am done being productive for the day.

JimR · « **Reply #4 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:51:58 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 14, 2009, 12:49:33 pm

i am done being productive for the day.

when did you begin?

MRaup · « **Reply #5 on:** May 14, 2009, 12:58:23 pm »

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

Solid Gold.

BudGirl · « **Reply #6 on:** May 14, 2009, 01:00:14 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 14, 2009, 12:51:58 pm

when did you begin?

usually from 9 to noon.

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #7 on:** May 14, 2009, 01:12:56 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 14, 2009, 12:49:33 pm

i am done being productive for the day.

Well, thanks a lot for that site. I'm now done being productive. Oh wait, I never started.

Lurch · « **Reply #8 on:** May 14, 2009, 01:26:26 pm »

Quote from: MRaup on May 14, 2009, 12:58:23 pm

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

Solid Gold.

(843): Nice meating you last night
(843): Not a typo

Genius.

Matt · « **Reply #9 on:** May 14, 2009, 01:26:48 pm »

(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

Got an out loud LULZ from me.

Jacksonian · « **Reply #10 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:32:51 pm »

Limey?

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

Limey · « **Reply #11 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:34:57 pm »

Quote from: Jacksonian on May 14, 2009, 02:32:51 pm

Limey?

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

Still requires some skill, unless you want your iPhone to look like a plasterer's radio.

drew corleone · « **Reply #12 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:37:20 pm »

Yeah, you can spend hours on that site.

chuck · « **Reply #13 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:38:05 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 14, 2009, 02:34:57 pm

Still requires some skill, unless you want your iPhone to look like a plasterer's radio.

If I were you I'd be concerned that the little fucker would slip right out of your hand.

Gizzmonic · « **Reply #14 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:39:36 pm »

I love this site. Sometimes, I wish I could escape to the drunken, whimsical world illustrated by this post:

(631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
(401): I don't want you to recite the pledge!
(631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

Limey · « **Reply #15 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:51:31 pm »

Aaaaand now I know what is meant by the phrase "pink sock". Yikes.

Bench · « **Reply #16 on:** May 14, 2009, 02:52:06 pm »

This is endless fun:

(781): i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
(1-781): didn't that happen to you last weekend?
(781): shut up.

BudGirl · « **Reply #17 on:** May 14, 2009, 03:03:14 pm »

Quote from: chuck on May 14, 2009, 02:38:05 pm

If I were you I'd be concerned that the little fucker would slip right out of your hand.

I'm LOLing, but probably not for the reason your post is meant. Unless you know Limey better/different than the rest of us.

Matt · « **Reply #18 on:** May 14, 2009, 03:17:36 pm »

(202): I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

I think someone is living a mirror life with me.

Limey · « **Reply #19 on:** May 14, 2009, 03:35:38 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 14, 2009, 03:03:14 pm

I'm LOLing, but probably not for the reason your post is meant. Unless you know Limey better/different than the rest of us.

What is between chuck and I is special and private.

BudGirl · « **Reply #20 on:** May 14, 2009, 03:37:15 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 14, 2009, 03:35:38 pm

What is between chuck and I is special and private.

no doubt

chuck · « **Reply #21 on:** May 14, 2009, 03:38:44 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 14, 2009, 03:03:14 pm

I'm LOLing, but probably not for the reason your post is meant. Unless you know Limey better/different than the rest of us.

I teed this up for you guys the best I could.

JimR · « **Reply #22 on:** May 14, 2009, 05:18:18 pm »

Quote from: chuck on May 14, 2009, 02:38:05 pm

If I were you I'd be concerned that the little fucker would slip right out of your hand.

but what about the phone?

Waldo · « **Reply #23 on:** May 14, 2009, 05:26:05 pm »

(334): Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.

Pretty funny for those of us who don't have full keyboards.

JackAstro · « **Reply #24 on:** May 14, 2009, 05:29:28 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 14, 2009, 03:35:38 pm

What is between chuck and I is special and private.

And small, apparently.

chuck · « **Reply #25 on:** May 14, 2009, 06:12:38 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 14, 2009, 05:18:18 pm

but what about the phone?

Thank you.

JimR · « **Reply #26 on:** May 14, 2009, 06:14:54 pm »

Quote from: chuck on May 14, 2009, 06:12:38 pm

Thank you.

seemed too easy, but no one took it. i have no pride.

chuck · « **Reply #27 on:** May 14, 2009, 09:26:15 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 14, 2009, 06:14:54 pm

i have no pride.

Hey, I'm the one who started talking about Limey's little gadget.

Limey · « **Reply #28 on:** May 15, 2009, 09:48:49 am »

Quote from: chuck on May 14, 2009, 09:26:15 pm

Hey, I'm the one who started talking about Limey's little gadget.

Remind me to punch you in the face next time we run into each other in a restaurant.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #29 on:** May 15, 2009, 09:59:23 am »

Quote from: Limey on May 15, 2009, 09:48:49 am

Remind me to punch you in the face next time we run into each other in a restaurant.

When you schedule it ahead of time, it's called a date.

Jacksonian · « **Reply #30 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:01:42 am »

Quote from: Andyzipp on May 15, 2009, 09:59:23 am

When you schedule it ahead of time, it's called a date.

Shhhh. You'll make is iPhone jealous.

Limey · « **Reply #31 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:05:03 am »

Quote from: Andyzipp on May 15, 2009, 09:59:23 am

When you schedule it ahead of time, it's called a date.

Only if you're Paul McCartney.

BudGirl · « **Reply #32 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:06:58 am »

Quote from: Limey on May 15, 2009, 09:48:49 am

Remind me to punch you in the face next time we run into each other in a restaurant.

Cute, you boys flirt.

gleach · « **Reply #33 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:18:19 am »

Not quite FML, but certainly more realistic for most of us.

http://www.mylifeisaverage.com/index.php

Gizzmonic · « **Reply #34 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:46:29 am »

Quote from: gleach on May 15, 2009, 10:18:19 am

Not quite FML, but certainly more realistic for most of us.

http://www.mylifeisaverage.com/index.php

Nice. It's like FML, but people actually close and lock their doors.

JimR · « **Reply #35 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:49:32 am »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 15, 2009, 10:06:58 am

Cute, you boys flirt.

foreplay

Limey · « **Reply #36 on:** May 15, 2009, 10:52:35 am »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 15, 2009, 10:06:58 am

Cute, you boys flirt.

Clearly, you've never seen Brokeback Mountain.

BudGirl · « **Reply #37 on:** May 15, 2009, 11:02:13 am »

Quote from: Limey on May 15, 2009, 10:52:35 am

Clearly, you've never seen Brokeback Mountain.

Yes, I have. I thought it was a romance, you probably think it was bad porn.

MRaup · « **Reply #38 on:** May 15, 2009, 11:03:57 am »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 15, 2009, 11:02:13 am

Yes, I have. I thought it was a romance, you probably think it was bad porn.

The next bad porn Limey sees will be his first.

Limey · « **Reply #39 on:** May 15, 2009, 03:42:46 pm »

Quote from: MRaup on May 15, 2009, 11:03:57 am

The next bad porn Limey sees will be his first.

Actually, while your comment is ostensibly true - there is no bad porn - this has to be caveated because of the existence of Korean hotel porn.

hostros7 · « **Reply #40 on:** May 15, 2009, 03:54:41 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 15, 2009, 03:42:46 pm

Actually, while your comment is ostensibly true - there is no bad porn - this has to be caveated because of the existence of Korean hotel porn.

I'm. So. Curious. But. So. Scared.

Limey · « **Reply #41 on:** May 15, 2009, 04:09:47 pm »

Quote from: hostros7 on May 15, 2009, 03:54:41 pm

I'm. So. Curious. But. So. Scared.

Not bad-freaky. Just bad. Strategically positioned pot plants and the like.

So I've been told.

MRaup · « **Reply #42 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:22:04 pm »

Sorry to unearth an old thread, but holy crap. I just snotted myself laughing:

(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

BudGirl · « **Reply #43 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:24:01 pm »

i still think it is one of the best websites out there.

MRaup · « **Reply #44 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:26:44 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on May 29, 2009, 02:24:01 pm

i still think it is one of the best websites out there.

I couldn't agree more. It's usually the highlight of my web-browsing day.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #45 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:27:33 pm »

Quote from: MRaup on May 29, 2009, 02:26:44 pm

I couldn't agree more. It's usually the highlight of my web-browsing day.

That and WWTDD have become regular stops on my daily tour.

JimR · « **Reply #46 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:29:14 pm »

i like this one:

(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

been there, done that...to which Carolyn will attest.

TheWizard · « **Reply #47 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:32:38 pm »

(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

drew corleone · « **Reply #48 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:35:07 pm »

(310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

Arky Vaughan · « **Reply #49 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:35:38 pm »

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

MRaup · « **Reply #50 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:39:37 pm »

Psssst... Arky... that's a GIRL tfln, dude.

Bench · « **Reply #51 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:39:47 pm »

(216): I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
(1-216): It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
(216): He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.

Jacksonian · « **Reply #52 on:** May 29, 2009, 02:50:18 pm »

I think I just found my way out of life:

(616): Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband

MusicMan · « **Reply #53 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:18:19 pm »

(603): I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.

MRaup · « **Reply #54 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:29:47 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on May 29, 2009, 03:18:19 pm

(603): I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.

Hit a little close to home, MM?

MusicMan · « **Reply #55 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:34:29 pm »

I'm just saying, I've never known where 603 is.

Limey · « **Reply #56 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:34:42 pm »

Quote from: JimR on May 29, 2009, 02:29:14 pm

i like this one:

(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

been there, done that...to which Carolyn will attest.

That just sounds like "lunch" for me.

Limey · « **Reply #57 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:36:02 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on May 29, 2009, 03:34:29 pm

I'm just saying, I've never known where 603 is.

...or the clitoris.

MusicMan · « **Reply #58 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:38:41 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 29, 2009, 03:36:02 pm

...or the clitoris.

Wait, wait... DOLORES!!!

astrojo · « **Reply #59 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:38:54 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on May 29, 2009, 03:34:29 pm

I'm just saying, I've never known where 603 is.

No, MM, 603 is her area code, not code for a woman's g-spot.

Andyzipp · « **Reply #60 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:39:25 pm »

Quote from: Limey on May 29, 2009, 03:36:02 pm

...or the clitoris.

Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.

Limey · « **Reply #61 on:** May 29, 2009, 03:45:45 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on May 29, 2009, 03:38:41 pm

Wait, wait... DOLORES!!!

Best use of "clitoris" in a comedy show.

homer · « **Reply #62 on:** May 29, 2009, 04:18:43 pm »

(970): I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now

(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.

(708): oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you

MikeyBoy · « **Reply #63 on:** May 29, 2009, 04:41:36 pm »

Quote from: astrojo on May 29, 2009, 03:38:54 pm

No, MM, 603 is her area code, not code for a woman's g-spot.

Nice.

MRaup · « **Reply #64 on:** June 09, 2009, 09:21:59 am »

(614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

homer · « **Reply #65 on:** July 02, 2009, 07:07:46 pm »

(713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids
(281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

otterjb · « **Reply #66 on:** July 14, 2009, 11:47:26 am »

searching "Astros" on there netted this one :

(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.

[maybe from the guy (forgot who) that kept pumping his fist in a drunken, violent, full-bodied pump...after strike two...and that got JD to say something like, "look at THAT guy behind home plate!"...??]

JimR · « **Reply #67 on:** July 14, 2009, 11:49:12 am »

Quote from: otterjb on July 14, 2009, 11:47:26 am

searching "Astros" on there netted this one :

(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.

[maybe from the guy (forgot who) that kept pumping his fist in a drunken, violent, full-bodied pump...after strike two...and that got JD to say something like, "look at THAT guy behind home plate!"...??]

maybe the only time in history that children disowned a father.

otterjb · « **Reply #68 on:** July 14, 2009, 12:15:41 pm »

It was hilarious. Dude was having a good time.

Lurch · « **Reply #69 on:** July 14, 2009, 09:19:46 pm »

Quote from: otterjb on July 14, 2009, 11:47:26 am

searching "Astros" on there netted this one :

(734): Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.

[maybe from the guy (forgot who) that kept pumping his fist in a drunken, violent, full-bodied pump...after strike two...and that got JD to say something like, "look at THAT guy behind home plate!"...??]

Good times...

BudGirl · « **Reply #70 on:** August 07, 2009, 04:03:29 pm »

(510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

MRaup · « **Reply #71 on:** August 14, 2009, 09:20:31 am »

Hilarious and semi-relevant:

(630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
(1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

AtascAstro · « **Reply #72 on:** August 14, 2009, 10:46:14 am »

Quote from: MRaup on August 14, 2009, 09:20:31 am

Hilarious and semi-relevant:

(630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
(1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

funny, but a tad lengthy for SMS, no?

MRaup · « **Reply #73 on:** August 14, 2009, 03:42:33 pm »

Quote from: AtascAstro on August 14, 2009, 10:46:14 am

funny, but a tad lengthy for SMS, no?

depends on your carrier.

Limey · « **Reply #74 on:** August 14, 2009, 03:52:56 pm »

Quote from: MRaup on August 14, 2009, 03:42:33 pm

depends on your carrier.

...and (i)phone

JackAstro · « **Reply #75 on:** August 14, 2009, 04:10:47 pm »

(773): Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.

Limey · « **Reply #76 on:** August 14, 2009, 04:16:26 pm »

Quote from: JackAstro on August 14, 2009, 04:10:47 pm

(773): Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.

At the shit in the shit-sandwich game last week against the Brewers, there were two hot -aged chicks sitting behind me. They were discussing, for the most part, beer and lap dances. It certainly took the edge off the crap I was watching.

das · « **Reply #77 on:** August 18, 2009, 12:13:30 pm »

Quote from: BudGirl on August 07, 2009, 04:03:29 pm

(510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

This one cracked me up:
(612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

Bench · « **Reply #78 on:** August 20, 2009, 02:41:42 pm »

(215): It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular

(610): Wrong number and your a loser

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #79 on:** August 26, 2009, 10:24:22 am »

(817): Dude. Creed is coming in september.
(1-817): We're no longer friends.

Bench · « **Reply #80 on:** August 26, 2009, 01:29:16 pm »

(905): just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

Limey · « **Reply #81 on:** August 26, 2009, 02:50:52 pm »

(214): My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

MRaup · « **Reply #82 on:** November 30, 2009, 01:07:06 pm »

(857): Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'