you guys are straight-up haters. fuckin' cubs are cool, dude. my boys c-bob, manky, and jake p (not jake r, he's a fuckin' sell-out yankee fan that faggot) are gonna go to fuckin' wrigley this fuckin' summer and it's gonna be a fuckin' party! we're gonna eat fuckin' hot dogs and drink beer all day. dude, one time me and my roommate blake made a bet to see who could drink the longest without going to class or puking or whatever. man, we got so wasted. we drank for three days, we were just drinking beers and shit, THREE DAYS. well, it was really, like, two days but i call it three days cuz on the last day, check this shit out, i fuckin' DRANK BEER FOR BREAKFAST! for real, i fuckin' put fuckin' beer in my cereal instead of milk! dude, it was so fuckin' funny. i didn't really drink it though, well i had a little, but i mean it was kind-of nasty, and i had an econ test that day and i didn't want the prof to ride my dick about being drunk. blake totally pussied out though. he wouldn't even fuckin' taste it, so i fuckin' won that contest, and the deal was that the loser would have to unstop the toilet next time it got backed up. oh dude, did he fuckin' lose on that bet! a couple of weeks later my parents came in town for parents weekend and took me to gueros and dude, oh fuck, i had a full plate of fajitas, shitloads of queso and chips, my mom wouldn't finish her enchilladas so i had some of hers. later on, i went to a party at the pike house and i got so fuckin' wasted. the dump i took the next morning was so dirty, bro! i woke blake up and i was like "toilet's stopped up bitch! your turn to clean it up." he tried to tell me he'd clean it later, but i was like, "no motherfucker" and i sat there giving him shit, calling him a pussy until he finally got up and did it. oh man, you should have heard when he went into the bathroom! it was like, he was all tired and shit and like "i just want to get this over with" and then he goes into the bathroom and all you hear is "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" It was so fuckin' funny man, I was just laughing my ass off.
Anyway, so yeah, so fuck you and stop hating on the cubbies. you know, i'm an astros fan too dude. i grew up in the fuckin' woodlands and i'm down with baggy and bidge. i mean, the astros are my second favorite team prolly. but the astros don't have the fuckin' history that the cubs have, you know. i mean, both are cool and, like, good teams and stuff, but the cubs haven't won a world series since, like, a long fuckin' time ago, and so they need all their fans to get behind them and end the curse. dude, i was watching when that nerd piece of shit fag bartman reached over and took that ball away from alou. i was like, can you believe this shit? what do we have to do? why does god hate us so much? you know what i mean? i don't know, but just stop hating on the cubbies because they've been through enough shit, you know. and just because they have a good team now with my man derek lee and soriano and fuckin' zambrano! doesn't mean that all you jealous fucks can just start dogging on them. you'll see who fuckin' wins tonight and you'll know. astros have no answer for zambrano, none. he'll no-hit their whining asses again. and derek lee? oswalt's good i guess, but he's not gonna stop derek lee four times, he'll go yard at least once. and you know what? when he does go yard, i'll be sitting in the crawford boxes with my glove and my mark grace jersey and i'll catch it. and all you astro haters will be yelling at me to throw it back like we do at wrigley and i'll just be smiling and high-fiving my buddy c-bob. see you tonight bros!
