Cardinals at Astros By Craig the Bastard It must be April because my cable company has already pre-billed me for MLB Extra Innings. They?re helpful like that. And now I?ve got the satellite radio dialed-in and all my old bookmarks refreshed. I?m ready for Opening Day, baby!
I?m going to be splitting the preview time with Foghorn this year, because, you know, it?s an assload of work. Seriously. Also I?m going to cut down on reciting stats and shit this year because: 1) all those stats are boring; and 2) they?re a pain in my ass. And I?m going to stop predicting individual games because I suck at it.
I?ll try not to cut down on the bullshit though. If there?s something else you?d like to see in previews, or not see, just let me know.
Anyway, holy shit, it?s Opening Day! Get your lucky shirt on and let?s play ball!
Upcoming Series
When: Tuesday, April 5, 6:05 p.m. CDT ? KNWS
Wednesday, April 6, 4:05 p.m. CDT ? FSSW
MLB Extra Innings Viewers ? Both games will be on Extra Innings. You can look up the schedule here:
The Link If you have XM Radio, all the games are broadcast on channels 176-190. You can get a team broadcast schedule here:
The Link Where: MMPUS In case you didn?t get enough of the fuckers in October, here come the St. Louis Cardinals again. Maybe they want to pick up the bats they forgot to take to the World Series. Fucking jakes.
Those of you going to Opening Day will get a free poster, but those going Wednesday will get one of those sweet magnetic game schedules. Budgirl grabbed one of those for me last year and it?s still on my fridge. It was a big help in writing previews, so if someone could grab me another one, I would appreciate it.
The annual OWA crowd will be in attendance for Opening Day, and I?m guessing you?ll have a few things to say to Tony LaRussa. I?ll be with you in spirit, saying the same things through the TV. Except I might say them with my ass.
Projected Matchups
Game 1 Chris Carpenter (15-5, 3.46 in 2004) v.
Roy Oswalt (20-10, 3.49 in 2004) I think we?ll see a dominant game from Roy because it?s Opening Day and he?s like that. We?ve barely seen Carpenter so there isn?t much history to go on. Projected line-up says Ensberg is starting at 3B, but Clank Lamb is 3-for-7 against Carpenter so he might be a better option. I think Roy will go 7 strong innings and then we?ll all hold our breath to see if this year?s bullpen shows up.
Game 2 Jason Marquis (15-7, 3.71 in 2004) v.
Andy Pettitte (6-4, 3.90 in 2004) Marquis is 1-2 against the Astros, with a 7.11 ERA in four games. Adam Everett is 4-for-8 against him, so watch AE today. Bagwell could have a big day too. But everyone will be watching Andy Pettitte, and I think he?ll have a good day. Anaheim Jimmy is 1-for-22 against Pettitte, so he?ll probably homer twice.
Key injuries:
St. Louis ? Matt Morris is on the DL. There?s a surprise.
Houston ? Berkman is out while his knee heals. I guess flag football games count in April too.
As a special Tuesday bonus, Jeff Bagwell will throw out his Annual Opening Day Cortisone Shot.
Other shit ? What the fuck is up with those annoying delayed videos on every team?s MLB website? I go to a lot of team sites, and now I have to wait and turn off the stupid fucking pop-up video every time. You know, we wouldn?t be having this problem if C.J. Nitkowski were in charge.
? The Swiss Guard ? those guys with halberds guarding the pope ? have the coolest uniforms ever. If those outfits aren?t the honor-guard equivalent of a Rainbow Gut, I don?t know what is.
? To the rest of you in the Orange Whoopass War fantasy league, I?m sorry I bailed during the draft. I had to leave to go to my darts league, which turned out OK because I met a hooker. The bad news is that she was off-duty. The good news is she has a website.
