I don't think it is reasonable to expect a teenager to not get into things he/she shouldn't; but either way, a parent should probably have it worked out ahead of time what the response will be, if they do. And if it is a two-parent home, both should absolutely be on the same page and be steadfast about staying there. The very first thing a teenager will do in that situation, and they are very good at it, is look for a chink in the armor, and then start playing one parent against the other, in hopes of a better outcome for himself. That's one reason why I think disciplinary decisions made on the fly are usually the ones that turn out the worst; if there is no coherent outline of what is right and wrong and a consistent pattern of how various transgressions will be addressed, a kid will just get confused. And who can blame them?
How someone disciplines their child is their own business. Not only is there little concensus on precisely what the methods should be, but the results vary widely regardless of child-rearing style. I think the latter is because there are a lot of factors influencing a child outside of whatever their parents are trying to impart to them; that is a whole other subject, but one thing I would advocate is paying a lot of attention to who they hang out with, because at that age their peers have a lot more influence on them than their parents do.
Anyway, I think it would be crazy to say, "This is the right way to discipline a kid, that is the wrong way," beyond the most general characterizations.
But again, whether one hits one's kids or not, the important thing is to start with them when they are young, and be as consistent and judicious and fair meting out the punishment after that as you can be. If you are still trying to kick a teenager's ass to get him/her to do right, I don't think your approach is working.
. . .the key is respecting rules, even if you object to them and knowing the correct way to voice that objection instead of just rationalizing bad decisions. . .
I agree with this, mostly. I would probably say the key is not so much respecting the rules, but respecting what might happen to you if you break them. I don't have a lot of respect for rules myself, beyond the basic, universal, perhaps God-given ones; and I think it would be a disservice to my kids to teach them to follow rules blindly. Understand what they are for, follow them if you will, and if you decide to break them, don't expect to get away with it; because people like enforcing rules on other people, whether either personally believes in them or not.
The one thing I am really hard core about is making them understand that when they fuck up, blaming anyone or anything else is not an option. That kind of self-delusion drives me crazy. At least be big enough to accept the responsibilty for your actions.
