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Author Topic: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?  (Read 6922 times)

TheWizard

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What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« on: December 04, 2008, 07:52:18 pm »
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.  This bad boy is $24.99.... wtf, who would buy this?

Quote
Here is the description of the book:

    Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!


http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/modernmaterialist/archive/2008/11/21/I-Really-Hope-No-One-Makes-Recipes-From-This-Book.aspx
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jonbloozy

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2008, 08:25:06 pm »
Quote from: TheWizard on December 04, 2008, 07:52:18 pm
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.  This bad boy is $24.99.... wtf, who would buy this?

http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/modernmaterialist/archive/2008/11/21/I-Really-Hope-No-One-Makes-Recipes-From-This-Book.aspx

Why buy the book when you can get some recipes for free?

Quote
Guanabee Horchata

6 cups water
1 cup uncooked white rice
1/3 cup almond meal (ground almonds will work too)
1 whole cinnamon stick
one serving of semen (~ 1 tablespoon)
3/4 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup white sugar

I have some, er, surplus if anyone wants to try it.  Send me a PM.
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HudsonHawk

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2008, 09:25:01 pm »
What.  The.  Fuck?
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JaneDoe

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2008, 09:34:05 pm »
And I thought nothing could get worse than the Palin thread.  Boy, was I wrong.
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HudsonHawk

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2008, 09:38:52 pm »
Quote from: JaneDoe on December 04, 2008, 09:34:05 pm
And I thought nothing could get worse than the Palin thread.  Boy, was I wrong.


This one's not going 100 pages.  I can guarantee that.
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The rules of distinction were thrown out with the baseball cap.  It does not lend itself to protocol.  It is found today on youth in homes, classrooms, even in fine restaurants.  Regardless of its other consequences, this is a breach against civility.  A civilized man should avoid this mania.

Craig

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2008, 09:41:24 pm »
Quote from: TheWizard on December 04, 2008, 07:52:18 pm
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.  This bad boy is $24.99.... wtf, who would buy this?


http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/modernmaterialist/archive/2008/11/21/I-Really-Hope-No-One-Makes-Recipes-From-This-Book.aspx

Don't try the Four-Way Chili.
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MusicMan

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2008, 10:09:20 pm »
Delete post.
Delete thread.
Delete the whole damn forum.
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JackAstro

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #7 on: December 04, 2008, 10:49:47 pm »
Nuke the whole thing from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
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Arky Vaughan

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2008, 12:17:41 am »
Quote from: HudsonHawk on December 04, 2008, 09:38:52 pm

This one's not going 100 pages.  I can guarantee that.

Never would Spack's justice have been so mercifully dispensed.
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Ty in Tampa

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2008, 06:35:58 am »
I went ahead and taped over the thread title on my monitor with electrical tape until Spack wakes up.
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Bench

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #10 on: December 05, 2008, 08:45:19 am »
Quote from: Arky Vaughan on December 05, 2008, 12:17:41 am
Never would Spack's justice have been so mercifully dispensed.

After reading this thread, I don't want to see anything dispensed.
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Noe

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #11 on: December 05, 2008, 09:41:09 am »
I'm just glad we're not allowed to post pictures on this forum... ahum... I think.  Hey Waldo!
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Waldo

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2008, 09:59:22 am »
Quote from: Noe in Austin on December 05, 2008, 09:41:09 am
Hey Waldo!

I already dispensed this morning, but thanks.
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MikeyBoy

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #13 on: December 05, 2008, 10:31:11 am »
Quote from: Waldo on December 05, 2008, 09:59:22 am
I already dispensed this morning, but thanks.

nominated
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Holly

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #14 on: December 05, 2008, 10:54:06 am »
Anyone else thinking of Schwetty balls?
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strosrays

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2008, 03:38:50 pm »
Quote from: jonbloozy on December 04, 2008, 08:25:06 pm
Guanabee Horchata

. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
one serving of semen (~ 1 tablespoon)
. . .
. . .


I don't know how to convert from metric to standard, but I know for sure I got 10cc.

Also, how is a semen serving size determined?  Who determines it?  I really need to know this.
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MusicMan

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2008, 03:48:19 pm »
Quote from: strosrays on December 05, 2008, 03:38:50 pm
Also, how is a semen serving size determined?  Who determines it?  I really need to know this.

Just as the meter is defined on a bar maintained by the International Bureau of Wights and measures, this is determined by a plaster cast of Jenna Jameson's mouth.
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I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, torture of Bud Selig.

Andyzipp

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2008, 04:11:15 pm »
Quote from: MusicMan on December 05, 2008, 03:48:19 pm
Just as the meter is defined on a bar maintained by the International Bureau of Wights and measures, this is determined by a plaster cast of Jenna Jameson's mouth.

Wouldn't the measure need to be reasonable and customary?

Jenna Jameson is neithe reasonable nor customary.
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hostros7

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2008, 04:22:31 pm »
Quote from: MusicMan on December 05, 2008, 03:48:19 pm
Just as the meter is defined on a bar maintained by the International Bureau of Wights and measures, this is determined by a plaster cast of Jenna Jameson's mouth.

When I first read this I thought it read Jeter's mouth, which may also be appropriate.
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Craig

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2008, 05:36:01 pm »
Quote from: MusicMan on December 05, 2008, 03:48:19 pm
Just as the meter is defined on a bar maintained by the International Bureau of Wights and measures, this is determined by a plaster cast of Jenna Jameson's mouth.

Jenna Jameson's mouth = 1 serving?

Shit.

Sorry honey, dinner's gonna take a little longer than I expected. You might want to order Chinese.
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GreatBagwellsBeard

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #20 on: December 07, 2008, 12:40:16 pm »
Quote from: Craig on December 05, 2008, 05:36:01 pm
Jenna Jameson's mouth = 1 serving?

Shit.

Sorry honey, dinner's gonna take a little longer than I expected. You might want to order Chinese.

Don't order Chinese.  You'll just be hungry horny again an hour later.
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UpTooLate

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #21 on: December 08, 2008, 01:56:09 pm »
Sample the reviews section of the book.  This whole thread should make you afraid to eat anything you've not watched being prepared.

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212
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Bench

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #22 on: December 08, 2008, 02:10:31 pm »
Quote from: UpTooLate on December 08, 2008, 01:56:09 pm
Sample the reviews section of the book.  This whole thread should make you afraid to eat anything you've not watched being prepared.

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212


I presume that most of the comments are satirical, but it's right on the edge.  Either way, for the sake of your sense of humor or belief in humanity, turn your sarc-o-meter way up when reading the comments.

ETA:  Argh.  I can't believe I missed the obvious "tongue in cheek" joke.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2008, 02:16:05 pm by Bench »
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Jose Cruz III

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #23 on: December 08, 2008, 04:29:17 pm »
Quote from: UpTooLate on December 08, 2008, 01:56:09 pm
Sample the reviews section of the book.  This whole thread should make you afraid to eat anything you've not watched being prepared.

http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212


Quote
Really?? [ No Rating ] 26 Nov 2008
by Stephany Manson
I just have to know, are you guys serious? At first my husband and I were laughing, thinking everyone was in on this gag...posting "serious" comments...but now I am beginning to wonder. Is this all serious??

I am not here to pass judgement, I believe everyone should be free to consume most things as they see fit, however, I have to say that if this is by no means a joke that sneaking semen into other people's food unknowingly is appalling!! Would you serve a vegetarian meat sectretly? Would you consider it ethical and right to sneak butter in a vegan's dish? And most importantly, what about the notion of transmitting HIV through consuming semen?

HIV infection can be by transmitted by the following body fluids:

Blood,blood products, like plasma,fluid around joints, the heart, lungs, the chest, and abdomen, vaginal secretions, fluids in childbirth,fluid in the brain and spinal column,SEMEN and certain other body fluids (especially those containing visible blood).

Please be considerate of others and do not boast of "sneaking" semen into your friends foods. While you may not have HIV, someone else may and not know it yet, they may read your comments and think, hey what a great idea!!!
[ 2 responses ]
I guess the oops excuse wouldn't work if they found out?
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HudsonHawk

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #24 on: December 08, 2008, 04:55:51 pm »
Quote from: Jose Cruz III on December 08, 2008, 04:29:17 pm
I guess the oops excuse wouldn't work if they found out?

"Sneaking butter into a vegetarian's dish"?  So that's what it's called...
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The rules of distinction were thrown out with the baseball cap.  It does not lend itself to protocol.  It is found today on youth in homes, classrooms, even in fine restaurants.  Regardless of its other consequences, this is a breach against civility.  A civilized man should avoid this mania.

TheWizard

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #25 on: December 08, 2008, 06:33:42 pm »
Stephany Manson sounds like a prude.
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Bench

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #26 on: December 08, 2008, 09:32:34 pm »
Quote from: TheWizard on December 08, 2008, 06:33:42 pm
Stephany Manson sounds like a prude.

She's proof that mouthbreathers dribble.
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Jose Cruz III

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Re: What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common?
« Reply #27 on: December 08, 2008, 09:35:45 pm »
Quote from: HudsonHawk on December 08, 2008, 04:55:51 pm
"Sneaking butter into a vegetarian's dish"?  So that's what it's called...
I feel a roundhouse slap might follow using that excuse. I think you might fare better to just say oops and then explain what great "cook" she is.
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