Astros at Rangers, say no to a sweep (6-24-07)

[mihoba]

Astros
C. Biggio dh    
H. Pence cf   
L. Berkman 1b   
C. Lee lf    
M. Loretta 2b    
M. Lamb 3b    
L. Scott rf    
E. Munson c    
E. Bruntlett ss

C. Sampson p

Rangers
K. Lofton cf    
I. Kinsler 2b   
M. Young ss    
S. Sosa dh    
F. Catalanotto lf    
G. Laird c   
B. Wilkerson 1b    
J. Hairston Jr. rf    
R. Vazquez 3b

R. Tejeda p

[Alkie]

Just me and mihoba tonight, huh?

Craig needs to get some goddamn hits tonight to make these Thursday tickets worth a damn thing.

[remy]

2994

I sure hope #3000 isn't that anticlimactic.

[Alkie]

No fucking way that was a hit. 

No.  Fucking.  Way.

[Alkie]

E4.  No matter what angle.

[JaneDoe]

E4.  No matter what angle.

Definitely.

[JaneDoe]

PENCE!!

[AllyDStros]

E4.  No matter what angle.

Scorer wants to be a part of history? Heh.

[Alkie]

Let's see, let's see.  I'm a major league pitcher.  Rookie Hunter Pence is up.  What was the book on this guy?  Right.  Right.  Junk away, preferably low.  NO.  FASTBALLS.

Ok. 

Changeup.

Ok, good...now what...

Uh...lemmeseelemmesee....curve? no.  slider?  no.  I GOT IT.  FASTBALL.

[loganck]

I've got the Corpus game, some shit on the WB, and an infomerical.
I hate Grande.

[Alkie]

POO!  MA!  POO!  MA!

[JaneDoe]

Berkman lines it, and it goes out!

[Alkie]

3-0 Lance.

[remy]

That was a laser.

[mihoba]

Just me and mihoba tonight, huh?

Craig needs to get some goddamn hits tonight to make these Thursday tickets worth a damn thing.

I've got tickets for a week from today.

Twinkie!

[mihoba]

I've got the Corpus game, some shit on the WB, and an infomerical.
I hate Grande.

For some reason, I was just checking and found the game on channel 663 (DirecTV)

Surprised.

[remy]

Back to back nights of Josh "My Testicles Never Dropped" Lewin calling an Astros game is pretty unbearable.

[Alkie]

Back to back nights of Josh "My Testicles Never Dropped" Lewin calling an Astros game is pretty unbearable.

Uh.  What testicles?

[MusicMan]

The scorer also has tickets Thursday.

Perhaps someone finally explained to them that the Rangers suck?

[JaneDoe]

Uh.  What testicles?

Never dropped, had them removed.

[Alkie]

That.  Is a big mountain of pissed off.

[remy]

Never dropped, had them removed.

Ah... thanks for clearing that up.

Lee wanted to eat that ump just now, heh.

[remy]

The fucking Rangers broadcast never even showed the goddamn replay, they're too busy laughing at Lee.

[chuck]

This is some genius fucking scheduling, by the way. Both teams travel tonight for games tomorrow. I'm sure both teams will appreciate the opportunity to appear on Sunday Night Baseball's B Game in exchange for the joy of getting on a plane at one in the morning.

And, the game blacked out on MLB TV (second in a row).

[Alkie]

This is some genius fucking scheduling, by the way. Both teams travel tonight for games tomorrow. I'm sure both teams will appreciate the opportunity to appear on Sunday Night Baseball's B Game in exchange for the joy of getting on a plane at one in the morning.

And, the game blacked out on MLB TV (second in a row).

In fairness, this wasn't an ESPN thing.  The Rangers play Sunday games at night because, uh...their relatively new ballpark has no roof in a city that is a bazillion trillion degrees.

[MusicMan]

And yet, yesterday's debacle was whored out to FOX at, literally, the hottest time of the day.

[mihoba]

In fairness, this wasn't an ESPN thing.  The Rangers play Sunday games at night because, uh...their relatively new ballpark has no roof in a city that is a bazillion trillion degrees.

Only FOX has the pull to schedule an afternoon game in Arlington.

[Bench]

If anyone is inclined, PBP would be appreciated. Not on TV here and my radio signal is unusually spotty.

[Mike]

This is some genius fucking scheduling, by the way. Both teams travel tonight for games tomorrow. I'm sure both teams will appreciate the opportunity to appear on Sunday Night Baseball's B Game in exchange for the joy of getting on a plane at one in the morning.

And, the game blacked out on MLB TV (second in a row).

Yeah, I hate that block out stuff on mlb tv

[gwat]

Just heard radio-wise that 16 of Lamb's 20 RBIs are interleague. In fact, most of his stats are interleague chubby. Kinda wish he had been playing much earlier in the year, Clank-Factor be damned.

[JaneDoe]

This is some genius fucking scheduling, by the way. Both teams travel tonight for games tomorrow. I'm sure both teams will appreciate the opportunity to appear on Sunday Night Baseball's B Game in exchange for the joy of getting on a plane at one in the morning.

And, the game blacked out on MLB TV (second in a row).

When the new contract for Sunday night baseball was agreed on, Texas game starts for Sunday nights were "grandfathered" in at 7:35. 

[Bench]

Just heard radio-wise that 16 of Lamb's 20 RBIs are interleague. In fact, most of his stats are interleague chubby. Kinda wish he had been playing much earlier in the year, Clank-Factor be damned.

And what interleague games were scheduled then?

[MusicMan]

Scott F8
Munson F9
Bruntlett K

Mid 2, 3-0 Astros

[JaneDoe]

Bruntlett up with 2 outs.

Struck out.  Going to the bottom of 2nd. 3-0 good guys

[JaneDoe]

MM, will defer to you for PBP.

[MusicMan]

Inning summaries only for the short term.  Best I can do.

[AllyDStros]

Only FOX has the pull to schedule an afternoon game in Arlington.

And then have one of the commentators whine about the heat on-air.

When it's 91. In the middle of the afternoon.

[Bench]

Inning summaries only for the short term.  Best I can do.

That's all I really need. The "color" commentary fills in the occasional 30 seconds of blaring static.

Much obliged, MM.

[mihoba]

the Clown misses a letter high FB for the K

[Bench]

How very exciting. USA won the CONCACAF Gold Cup today. Isn't that swell.

[mihoba]

After Catalanatto pounded a sinker to second, Laird hits a shot down the line that Clank deflects into foul territory, base hit.

[Bench]

By the way, Clemens pitched in relief today. Both him and Pettitte have appeared out of the bullpen this season.

[JaneDoe]

How very exciting. USA won the CONCACAF Gold Cup today. Isn't that swell.

HUH?  What is the CONCACAF Gold Cup?  I thought cups were made so you wouldn't conk-a-ball, not a calf.

[MusicMan]

HHB strikes out swinging - JD mentions Sampson is throwing a cutter tonight.
Catalonotto 4-3
Laird singles sharply down the line, Lamb's dive prevents a double
Wilkerson K's looking

End 2, 3-0 Astros

[mihoba]

Wilkerson watches an inside FB for the K.

Lance was chatting up Laird at 1B.

[mihoba]

HHB strikes out swinging - JD mentions Sampson is throwing a cutter tonight.
Catalonotto 4-3
Laird singles sharply down the line, Lamb's dive prevents a double
Wilkerson K's looking

End 2, 3-0 Astros

JD? This is not a FSH game is it?

[JaneDoe]

PENCE!!

[Alkie]

Let's see, let's see.  I'm a major league pitcher.  Rookie Hunter Pence is up.  What was the book on this guy?  Right.  Right.  Junk away, preferably low.  NO.  FASTBALLS.

Ok. 

Changeup.

Ok, good...now what...

Uh...lemmeseelemmesee....curve? no.  slider?  no.  I GOT IT.  FASTBALL.

[Alkie]

JD? This is not a FSH game is it?

51

[mihoba]

PENCE!!! on a 3-1 count, slams a high, inside FB over the wall in left!

[MusicMan]

Biggio pops down the first base line.
PENCE!!! absolutely CRUSHES a ball OVER HIS FREAKING HEAD to LF to, as Brownie says, "Take the tour"

4-0 Astros,

[JaneDoe]

JD? This is not a FSH game is it?

JD and Brownie are calling the Astros feed.

[chuck]

How very exciting. USA won the CONCACAF Gold Cup today. Isn't that swell.

I don't care about the US team one way or the other, but that Mexican side is singularly unlikeable. They are a bunch of whiney thugs, which is an odd and detestable combination.

Hey! The Dynamo won today, too!

Pence!

[cougar]

Gunther, Thunderpants, Caps Lock, or PENCE!! doesn't matter what you call him, Hunter can mash like a mofo.

[Savage]

As a total aside, my mother came to visit and brought me some Shiner 98.  I just broke it out and am definitely a fan.  Very smooth.  My husband doesn't like it as much, but that just means more for me!

[Matt]

MLB.com doesn't explain why this game is blacked out to someone in California.  I really need to get the Extra Innings thing next year.

[mihoba]

51

So JD is on 51?

[JaneDoe]

Let's see, let's see.  I'm a major league pitcher.  Rookie Hunter Pence is up.  What was the book on this guy?  Right.  Right.  Junk away, preferably low.  NO.  FASTBALLS.

Ok. 

Changeup.

Ok, good...now what...

Uh...lemmeseelemmesee....curve? no.  slider?  no.  I GOT IT.  FASTBALL.

Haven't I read this book before?

[Bench]

Let's see, let's see.  I'm a major league pitcher.  Rookie Hunter Pence is up.  What was the book on this guy?  Right.  Right.  Junk away, preferably low.  NO.  FASTBALLS.

Ok. 

Changeup.

Ok, good...now what...

Uh...lemmeseelemmesee....curve? no.  slider?  no.  I GOT IT.  FASTBALL.

Now, I spent too much time in the sun today at Crystal Beach (starting too take far too much pleasure from S.E. Tex. culture), treating sunburn by consuming beer, and I'm trying to follow on the radio, but I swear I've seen that before.

[Alkie]

So JD is on 51?

Why the hell wouldn't he be?

[Alkie]

Haven't I read this book before?

Bet you see it again tonight.  Sit tight.

[gwat]

Not my point. Interleague play has nothing to do with it. Lamb is just having a good year so far. He finally started getting more PT, coincidentally, when interleague play reared its ugly head. He just happened to spend most of April whittling at the end of the bench, while the jury on Ensberg was still out.
Nice stroke, Hunter.

[JaneDoe]

So JD is on 51?

Yes. They have done all the games on 51 this year, I believe.

[Matt]

What's Sampson's ERA against the AL?

[mihoba]

Why the hell wouldn't he be?

I thought 51 had their own play by play crew. I've never seen that channel.

[MusicMan]

Berkman tied up on an inside fastball.

Two down.

The first 10,000 fans Thursday get a cheap Astros badge for "superhero night" on what should be "Craig Biggio Night"

[Bench]

Not my point. Interleague play has nothing to do with it. Lamb is just having a good year so far. He finally started getting more PT, coincidentally, when interleague play reared its ugly head. He just happened to spend most of April whittling at the end of the bench, while the jury on Ensberg was still out.
Nice stroke, Hunter.

Matt Stairs leads MLB with 7 interleague home runs. Sign him up.

[Savage]

MLB.com doesn't explain why this game is blacked out to someone in California.  I really need to get the Extra Innings thing next year.

if you have dtv, it's not on extra innings, it's on 667 (FSSW).  I think the fox sports package is relatively cheap.

And you need to get the extra innings package.

[MusicMan]

Lee can't beat out the swinging bunt, 5-3.

Mid 3, 4-0 Astros.

[cougar]

Let's see, let's see.  I'm a major league pitcher.  Rookie Hunter Pence is up.  What was the book on this guy?  Right.  Right.  Junk away, preferably low.  NO.  FASTBALLS.

Ok. 

Changeup.

Ok, good...now what...

Uh...lemmeseelemmesee....curve? no.  slider?  no.  I GOT IT.  FASTBALL.

Pitcher don't need none o' that pussy offspeed crap.  He's gonna muscle up and put one past that skinny rookie.  Unless that skinny rookie hits it 430 feet, then you've got a problem.

[Bench]

By the way, if anyone is watching the CWS game, Erin Andrews (the attractive blonde ESPN "sideline" reporter) is wearing a surprisingly provactive outfit (for basic cable sports programming).

[Bench]

So, after this, we don't see Lofton anymore this season. Right?

[MusicMan]

Hairston 1-3
Vasquez smokes a double into the LF corner.  Choad PA system plays "William Tell Overture", not realizing it's just a 1-out double down 4 runs.  Of course, they play "The Natural" for EVERY home run, so that's all you need to know about the Rangers and their ballpark experience.
Lofton crushes one to RF and takes a while admiring it.  Her comes "The Natural".  Excuse me while I puke.

4-2 Astros.

[mihoba]

Dammit. Lofton muscles up and hits a meatball off the HR porch in RF. 4-2 now.

[MusicMan]

By the way, if anyone is watching the CWS game, Erin Andrews (the attractive blonde ESPN "sideline" reporter) is wearing a surprisingly provactive outfit (for basic cable sports programming).

We'll need pictures.

[MusicMan]

So, after this, we don't see Lofton anymore this season. Right?

They'll probably trade him to someone we have 10 games left with.

[cougar]

OK this is ther first time I've seen a Rangers homer in Arlington, and I must say that the fireworks and "The Natural" theme are a bit much.  And I'd be a bit peeved if I were Sampson that Lofton decided to pull a Bonds on that homer.

[loganck]

Austin Grande 80...finally

[MusicMan]

Kinsler lines to LF.
Young bounces 4-3.

End 3, now 4-2 Astros.

[JaneDoe]

So, after this, we don't see Lofton anymore this season. Right?

Didn't I hear them say that he would probably be traded this year?

[chuck]

MLB blacks out from MLB TV Saturday games that start before 4pm (I think) and Sunday games that start after 7pm. So effectively if the team is playing in either slot you better hope like hell that your region gets the Astros game rather than the Yankees game. Which I'm sure it won't. I'm getting the Yankees game now. Confusingly, it's the Tigers and the Braves.

I don't understand why the fuck they think that blacking out an internet feed would somehow protect their TV revenue.

[mihoba]

They'll probably trade him to someone we have 10 games left with.

The only drawback to Lofton is his weeny arm. And his age, of course.

Not a bad rent-a-leadoff-hitter.

[gwat]

MLB.com doesn't explain why this game is blacked out to someone in California.  I really need to get the Extra Innings thing next year.

Its not on Extra Innings. I believe that, since ESPN has the broadcast rights exclusively for Sunday Night BB, only local affiliates can show anything that would divert America's attention from the ESPN broadcast. All other game broadcasts are shut down, same as the Fox effect on Saturday afternoons.

[Alkie]

What's Sampson's ERA against the AL?

Thru this second...5.70. 

Might want to keep him in the NL.  HEY!  I've got an idea!  NO MORE INTERLEAGUE!

[mihoba]

Thru this second...5.70. 

Might want to keep him in the NL.  HEY!  I've got an idea!  NO MORE INTERLEAGUE!

I'll drink to that.

[Savage]

Its not on Extra Innings. I believe that, since ESPN has the broadcast rights exclusively for Sunday Night BB, only local affiliates can show anything that would divert America's attention from the ESPN broadcast. All other game broadcasts are shut down, same as the Fox effect on Saturday afternoons.

unless you get fssw and then you get the rangers broadcast.  they aren't blocking that in los angeles for some reason.

[Alkie]

I'll drink to that.

Throw out my hatred of interleague and all that shit.  I could live the rest of my life without seeing the Astros play the Rangers again.  It's been, what, a decade?  This isn't a natural rivalry.  It's a major annoyance.

I can't WAIT to watch the pitcher hit for the Brewers tomorrow night.

[cougar]

I'll drink to that.

I'd drink to that too.  Of course, I'll drink to days ending in "y" so that's no big surprise.

[JaneDoe]

Thru this second...5.70. 

Might want to keep him in the NL.  HEY!  I've got an idea!  NO MORE INTERLEAGUE!

What a novel idea!  Let's keep the two leagues separate and only let them play against each other in the World Series and the All Star game.  This will promote a rivalry between the leagues and make the Series more exciting.  Gotta tell Bud.

[mihoba]

unless you get fssw and then you get the rangers broadcast.  they aren't blocking that in los angeles for some reason.

I'm getting it on 663, FSIN (Indiana?) Weird.

[Alkie]

What a novel idea!  Let's keep the two leagues separate and only let them play against each other in the World Series and the All Star game.  This will promote a rivalry between the leagues and make the Series more exciting.  Gotta tell Bud.

You see, this is why women shouldn't be allowed to do anything but have children.  Do you realize how silly you sound, lady?  This is crazy talk.

[Bench]

Throw out my hatred of interleague and all that shit.  I could live the rest of my life without seeing the Astros play the Rangers again.  It's been, what, a decade?  This isn't a natural rivalry.  It's a major annoyance.

I can't WAIT to watch the pitcher hit for the Brewers tomorrow night.

No shit. Someone asked me this week if I was excited for the "big" Astros-Rangers series this weekend. My response communicated only confusion and mild annoyance.

[cougar]

What a novel idea!  Let's keep the two leagues separate and only let them play against each other in the World Series and the All Star game.  This will promote a rivalry between the leagues and make the Series more exciting.  Gotta tell Bud.

BTW, in regards to the WS and All-Star game, does it strike anyone else as odd that they're giving home field advantage to the All-Star game winning league when we have had a tied AS game in recent history?  Something just doesn't add up to me.

[gwat]

OK this is ther first time I've seen a Rangers homer in Arlington, and I must say that the fireworks and "The Natural" theme are a bit much.  And I'd be a bit peeved if I were Sampson that Lofton decided to pull a Bonds on that homer.

They have been doing that for a while. Think what it must feel like being on a last place team, circling the bases, with all this Faux Grandeur filling the air.

[Lurch]

BTW, in regards to the WS and All-Star game, does it strike anyone else as odd that they're giving home field advantage to the All-Star game winning league when we have had a tied AS game in recent history?  Something just doesn't add up to me.

The former due to the latter...

[Bench]

BTW, in regards to the WS and All-Star game, does it strike anyone else as odd that they're giving home field advantage to the All-Star game winning league when we have had a tied AS game in recent history?  Something just doesn't add up to me.

THATS. WHY. IT....    COUNTS!!!!

ETA: (this time)

[cougar]

The latter due to the former...

Yeah I know but it still doesn't make sense to me.  Having a single game made up of two teams where probably 90% of the players won't be involved in the WS be the basis for home field advantage is disconcerting.

[mihoba]

Yeah I know but it still doesn't make sense to me.  Having a single game made up of two teams where probably 90% of the players won't be involved in the WS be the basis for home field advantage is disconcerting.

You have to remember that nothing Bud does makes any fucking sense.

[Alkie]

You have to remember that nothing Bud does makes any fucking sense.

I will say something that won't go over well in here, but whatever.

Everyone usually says "but yeah, what about the Wild Card!  Think of all the great races you wouldn't have had and those WC teams that go on to win the whole thing."

I would trade our pennant to not have wild cards.  You wanna make it so there's 4 divisions and all 4 send a 1st place team, I might be ok with that.  2nd place teams, even the "best" 2nd place team should not be in the playoffs.  This isn't the NBA where the regular season just seeds the teams for the "real season."

[cougar]

You have to remember that nothing Bud does makes any fucking sense.

Oh yeah that's right I made the cardinal sin of thinking that Bud Selig is in full command of his faculties.  My mistake.

Hey, I'm not a veteran role player anymore!  Woo me!  Amazing that I've had over 500 posts and maybe 20 of them have had actual baseball content.

[remy]

Hoooooooly cow that was a strike.

[cougar]

Bidge takes a bases loaded walk.  I'll be snookered.

[remy]

And now the TWC Austin feed has gone dead.  Super.

[MusicMan]

You have to remember that nothing Bud does makes any fucking sense.

I'll say something that won't go over well:

I disagree with this entirely.

[mihoba]

Gift runs, yeah

[cougar]

Man was THAT ever a "Gack" of a throw.  It's not like he had to rush it or anything.

[Bench]

I will say something that won't go over well in here, but whatever.

Everyone usually says "but yeah, what about the Wild Card!  Think of all the great races you wouldn't have had and those WC teams that go on to win the whole thing."

I would trade our pennant to not have wild cards.  You wanna make it so there's 4 divisions and all 4 send a 1st place team, I might be ok with that.  2nd place teams, even the "best" 2nd place team should not be in the playoffs.  This isn't the NBA where the regular season just seeds the teams for the "real season."

I wouldn't trade that pennant for anything. I couldn't care less how it came about.

[JaneDoe]

Beautiful throw by Vasquez.

[Alkie]

I'll say something that won't go over well:

I disagree with this entirely.

I think mihoba meant...

...for the fans.  Everything he does makes perfect sense for the owners club.

[MusicMan]

Pence bounces to third to end the inning... or would have, if the 3b hadn't airmailed the throw to 2b.  Two runners score.

7-2 Astros, Mahay relieves Tejeda.

[matadorph]

And now the TWC Austin feed has gone dead.  Super.

wtf!

what happened? No PENCE!!! Grand Slam?

[austro]

So the feed goes dead and when we come back it's 7-2. That's interesting.

[Alkie]

I wouldn't trade that pennant for anything. I couldn't care less how it came about.

Fine.

As far as I care...you win your division so you can play the winner of the other division for the league title.  Then you play the winner of the other league.

I've said it before, but I'd sacrifice having the Astros to go back to 16 teams, no divisions.  I don't expect others to agree.

[Bench]

I think mihoba meant...

...for the fans.  Everything he does makes perfect sense for the owners club.

Exactly. He's done nothing but happen to preside over baseball being popular in this country, despite the strike, steroids, and all his asinine decisions.

[mihoba]

I think mihoba meant...

...for the fans.  Everything he does makes perfect sense for the owners club.

Yes. He caters to his owner pals.

[Bench]

Fine.

As far as I care...you win your division so you can play the winner of the other division for the league title.  Then you play the winner of the other league.

I've said it before, but I'd sacrifice having the Astros to go back to 16 teams, no divisions.  I don't expect others to agree.

I'm with you, but I keep the two issues in separate compartments in my mind.

[gwat]

I'm getting it on 663, FSIN (Indiana?) Weird.

I see that now as well. Hilarious. The DirecTV Dallas feed, 667, and the Cincy feed,663, are out there to be had by the entire country. Un MLB-like.

Nice error on the Rangers. It is about time that we enjoy the results of dumb-luck.

[MusicMan]

Berkman pops to Kinsler in RF to end the inning.

[MusicMan]

Exactly. He's done nothing but happen to preside over baseball being popular in this country, despite the strike, steroids, and all his asinine decisions.

And negotiate a CBA with actual steroid testing and revenue sharing... without another strike.
And get the frickin' World Series to have at least one day game again.
And negotiate the largest TV deal in the sport's history.
etc.

Look, we're hard-core fans.  We're not Bud's target audience.  But he's been pretty effective at his job.

[Alkie]

Do you think that guy has waited for years to go with this grocery sack idea at the game JUST to get his wife to go along?  Because I would.  If that was my wife.

[MusicMan]

Do you think that guy has waited for years to go with this grocery sack idea at the game JUST to get his wife to go along?  Because I would.  If that was my wife.

This is true of most Rangers fans.

[cougar]

Great.  Thunder and lightning are within 10 miles of my house.  KNWS is going to go kerplooey (technical term) any minute now.

[Alkie]

This is true of most Rangers fans.

I'd agree, except that Dallas and the midcities does have a lot of one thing....attractive women.  Most of them are fake as shit.  But there's a lot of really, really attractive women in N Texas.

Did You Know?....there is a factory in Denton that engineers hot women that shipped out to universities around the state for groupsex?  Fact.

[remy]

Great.  Thunder and lightning are within 10 miles of my house.  KNWS is going to go kerplooey (technical term) any minute now.

I thought it was kablammo

[MusicMan]

JD and Brownine now getting into an archittectural debate about the Ballpark's "footprint."

Here's a hint... it's in the middle of nowhere; MMPUS is a downtown park.

[MusicMan]

I'd agree, except that Dallas and the midcities does have a lot of one thing....attractive women.  Most of them are fake as shit.  But there's a lot of really, really attractive women in N Texas.

Yes.  But the Venn diagram for "Hot Dallas women" and "Rangers fans" would be a very small intersection.

Did You Know?....there is a factory in Denton that engineers hot women that shipped out to universities around the state for groupsex?  Fact.

God blessed Texas.

[Alkie]

Yes.  But the Venn diagram for "Hot Dallas women" and "Rangers fans" would be a very small intersection.

I want you to consider what I am about to say.

The single most attractive woman I ever met in my 6+ years at UT (think about this, now) was a Ranger fan from Arlington. 

[MusicMan]

2 outs.  Sampson drills Laird on an 0-2 pitch.  JD says, "Let's hope that doesn't blossom."

Wilkerson rips a single, first and third.
Hairston bbloops one in front of Scott, now 7-3 Rangers.

Thanks, Jimmy.

[mihoba]

I want you to consider what I am about to say.

The single most attractive woman I ever met in my 6+ years at UT (think about this, now) was a Ranger fan from Arlington. 

Smells fishy to me.

[MusicMan]

Berkman tumbles and snares Vasquez's grounder.  Sampson barely beats the runner to 1b.

End 4, 7-3 Astros.

[cougar]

Berkman showing the catlike reflexes and agility that earned him his "Puma" moniker.

[MusicMan]

I want you to consider what I am about to say.

The single most attractive woman I ever met in my 6+ years at UT (think about this, now) was a Ranger fan from Arlington. 

She was in college.  She was just experimenting.

[Rebel Jew]

I want you to consider what I am about to say.

The single most attractive woman I ever met in my 6+ years at UT (think about this, now) was a Ranger fan from Arlington. 

mine was a spanish grad student from barcelona.  what's your point?

[austro]

I'll say this: Sampson gets his ass off the mound and over to first better than anybody I've seen. He seems to assume that anything to the right side of infield will depend on his contribution.

[Alkie]

mine was a spanish grad student from barcelona.  what's your point?

MM said that the "attractive women from DFW" and "Rangers fans" were not in the overlapping part of the Venn diagram.  I was saying that the single most attractive person I ever saw at UT was a female Rangers fan from the metroplex.

ETA: and I said MET.  Not slept with.

[Bench]

And negotiate a CBA with actual steroid testing and revenue sharing... without another strike.
And get the frickin' World Series to have at least one day game again.
And negotiate the largest TV deal in the sport's history.
etc.

Look, we're hard-core fans.  We're not Bud's target audience.  But he's been pretty effective at his job.

The first point was the product of public pressure, the second the type of thing that only really appeals to people like us, and the third a product of the games' popularity.

[MusicMan]

"Lee reaches, and Loretta will try to move him."

Loretta is not that strong.  Olympic weightlifters are not that strong.

Horses only move when they want to.

[Rebel Jew]

MM said that the "attractive women from DFW" and "Rangers fans" were not in the overlapping part of the Venn diagram.  I was saying that the single most attractive person I ever saw at UT was a female Rangers fan from the metroplex.

ETA: and I said MET.  Not slept with.

i see.  could you add more information about this ranger gal?

[MusicMan]

Loretta doubles to LF.  Lee, to nobody's surprise, does not score.

Infield in.

Lamb harmless bouncer to SS, runners hold.  JD suggests the contact play.  I laugh hysterically.

[Bench]

JD suggests the contact play.  I laugh hysterically.

AE and the Rangers' catcher are not laughing.

[Alkie]

i see.  could you add more information about this ranger gal?

I'm quoting someone who was quoting some radio show I'd never heard of, but...

You know the holocaust?  She looked like the extreme opposite of that.

[Alkie]

Way.  To.  Go.

[MusicMan]

Scott pops to the 2b behind the SS position.

[Alkie]

TehSuck (tm)

[austro]

Loretta doubles to LF.  Lee, to nobody's surprise, does not score.

What. A. Tub. Of. Goo.

[The Spleen]

Maybe Loretta will bring a forklift next time...

[MusicMan]

Munson 4-3.

2nd and 3rd, nobody out, zero runs.  Ladies and gentlemen... your 2007 Astros.

Mid 5 (almost 2 hours in), 7-3 Astros.

[MusicMan]

Bud Light making their entry for "dumbest commerical of the year".

[The Spleen]

What. A. Tub. Of. Goo.

By the end of his contract he'll be running the bases with a Rascal scooter...

[The Spleen]

Ladies and gentlemen... your 2007 Astros.

They manage to look like shit even with a 4-run lead...

[Alkie]

Bud Light making their entry for "dumbest commerical of the year".

Wow, beating out their own ads?  That'll be tough.

I mean, really.  When I get in to discussions about beer with Bud Light drinkers, it's easy.

Look at the ads, people.  Are those ads aimed at people with advanced degrees and worldly knowledge of tastes and beers?  No.  They are aimed at my 4 year old and my dog.  Both of whom think the ads are a riot.

[Rebel Jew]

Munson 4-3.

2nd and 3rd, nobody out, zero runs.  Ladies and gentlemen... your 2007 Astros.

Mid 5 (almost 2 hours in), 7-3 Astros.

Ladies and gentlemen... your 2006 Astros...  and 2005 Astros...

[Alkie]

They manage to look like shit even with a 4-run lead...

I guarantee you...you'll wish we had those 2 runs.  You'll see.

[MusicMan]

By the end of his contract he'll be running the bases with a Rascal scooter...

Drayton keeps buttering up Bud so that he can request a Designated Runner in 2 years.

Keeping Josh Anderson in the system makes sense now, doesn't it?

[remy]

He didn't even have time to clank that one.

[austro]

Ladies and gentlemen... your 2007 Astros.

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this season is worse than 2000. Probably not, but the fact that I'm even asking the question is pretty damning.

[Bench]

I guarantee you...you'll wish we had those 2 runs.  You'll see.

Oh, I know it. I know it too damn well.

[Alkie]

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this season is worse than 2000. Probably not, but the fact that I'm even asking the question is pretty damning.

Day ain't over yit.

[MusicMan]

Sampson 1-2-3.

End 5, 7-3 Astros.  We needed that.

[Bench]

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this season is worse than 2000. Probably not, but the fact that I'm even asking the question is pretty damning.

There's no shiny new ballpark to blame things on.

[The Spleen]

I guarantee you...you'll wish we had those 2 runs.  You'll see.

No. Fucking. Doubt.

[Bench]

Sampson 1-2-3.

End 5, 7-3 Astros.  We needed that.

Pffft. He's just trying to pad his "quality start" stats.

[MusicMan]

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this season is worse than 2000. Probably not, but the fact that I'm even asking the question is pretty damning.

At least then-EFUS was a novelty then.  And the hitting was pretty decent, the pitching was just historically bad.

This team is just agressively mediocre in all areas.

[Alkie]

Pffft. He's just trying to pad his "quality start" stats.

All he does is catch touchdowns.

[Alkie]

GODDAMMIT.  Tivo just reset itself.

Need PBP.

[MusicMan]

A Ranger fan loser just popped the question to a blonde who thinks Lisa Loeb glasses are cool.

And the Chin grounded 4-3.

[remy]

2995

[mihoba]

2995

He has to wait until next Sunday, dammit.

[Bench]

2995

He better not go 5 for 5 tomorrow night. That would totally fuck up the Chron's "expected date" ticker.

[MusicMan]

B G O with a clean single up the middle.

2995.

[The Spleen]

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this season is worse than 2000. Probably not, but the fact that I'm even asking the question is pretty damning.

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this really is the worst team in baseball.
So, yeah, I'm going to Hell. It might take 3 or 4 good amateur drafts just to see Purgatory...

[Alkie]

A Ranger fan loser just popped the question to a blonde who thinks Lisa Loeb glasses are cool.

Not cool, but smoking hot. 

For the record, our tv is still out, so I'm talking about the glasses, not the girl.  I have no idea what she looked like.

[MusicMan]

Kinsler backhands and goes behind the back for the FC.

These are the things you do when your season is over in June.

[Frobie]

He has to wait until next Sunday, dammit.

NoNoNoNo.

I'm thinkin' Thursday would be an [MrBurns]exxxxxxcellllent[/MrBurns] day to hit the big 3k.

[Alkie]

NoNoNoNo.

I'm thinkin' Thursday would be an [MrBurns]exxxxxxcellllent[/MrBurns] day to hit the big 3k.

Ugh.  Reed.

[Matt]

A Ranger fan loser

Isn't that redundant?

[MusicMan]

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this really is the worst team in baseball.

They're 1-10 against Texas and Pittsburgh.  So it's an arguable point.

[MusicMan]

Puma grounds 6-4 to end the inning.

Mid 6, 7-3 Astros.

The 15 minutes for these Caveman commercials are over.

[Bench]

NoNoNoNo.

I'm thinkin' Thursday would be an [MrBurns]exxxxxxcellllent[/MrBurns] day to hit the big 3k.

Just as long as it's not next Saturday. That's the one game I can't watch, both because it's not on in Beaumont and also because I have to go to a wedding here and can't drive in and catch the game.

[Alkie]

The 15 minutes for these Caveman commercials are over.

Haha!  Shows how well you have your finger on the pulse of America. 

Those Cavemen have their own fucking show this fall on network TV.

I am not even sort of joking.

I'm moving to Norway.

[MusicMan]

Haha!  Shows how well you have your finger on the pulse of America. 

Those Cavemen have their own fucking show this fall on network TV.

I am not even sort of joking.

I'm moving to Norway.

Oh, I'm aware.  But 2 caveats there:

1.  It's on ABC, not an actual network; and
2.  From early reviews, it won't live to see a second episode.

[The Spleen]

Haha!  Shows how well you have your finger on the pulse of America. 

Those Cavemen have their own fucking show this fall on network TV.

I am not even sort of joking.

I'm moving to Norway.

Satire is dead.
Half the shows on TV now would have been SNL skits 20 years ago...

[Rebel Jew]

Earlier today I was trying to decide if this really is the worst team in baseball.
So, yeah, I'm going to Hell. It might take 3 or 4 good amateur drafts just to see Purgatory...

not to be an optimist or anything, but this team does have two of the top 5 candidates for rookie of the year, including the current favorite.  plus two of the 10 best hitters in the nl.  and the best defensive shortstop in mlb.  also,
if patton pans out you have three solid startin pitchers under club control for a long time. 

[MusicMan]

HHB pops to Munson in foul-then-fair-then-foul territory.
Next two are smoken in the infield for outs.
7 straight for the Good Guys.

End 6, 7-3 Astros.

[Alkie]

Oh, I'm aware.  But 2 caveats there:

1.  It's on ABC, not an actual network; and
2.  From early reviews, it won't live to see a second episode.

Growing up, I had a friend whose father had been caught cheating........

[Bench]

Oh, I'm aware.  But 2 caveats there:

1.  It's on ABC, not an actual network; and
2.  From early reviews, it won't live to see a second episode.

I'm always surpised when people say they enjoy those commercials. Of course, Time Warner's "What? Do you live under a rock or something?" commercial is so pathetically derivative of the caveman commercials that it always gets a derisive chuckle from me.

[Alkie]

Lance is sloppy?  Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament.

[gwat]

Unlike most catchers who hold onto their mask until they get a bead (sp?) on a pop foul, then toss it out of harm's way, Munson immediately sheds his like it is full of hornets, then tempts fate as he doubles back for the catch. Not good form.

[MusicMan]

Growing up, I had a friend whose father had been caught cheating........

I've decided that you clearly grew up with some fucked-up friends.

[mihoba]

Admiring that can-o-corn, Lee?

[Alkie]

I've decided that you clearly grew up with some fucked-up friends.

You grow up one of the 12 non-Hispanic kids in El Paso.  See what happens to you.

[Rebel Jew]

Growing up, I had a friend whose father had been caught cheating........

i once knew a guy who was dating this chick, but she was sleeping with somebody else on the sly.  so she gets pregnant, and a few years later she dies.  and since she didnt know who the father was, some judge makes both guys live together and raise the kid together.

somebody should make a show out of that.

[gwat]

i once knew a guy who was dating this chick, but she was sleeping with somebody else on the sly.  so she gets prenant, and a few years later she dies.  and since se didnt know who the father was, some judge makes both guys live together and raise the kid together.

somebody should make a show out of that.

And call it "Judge Sheckie".

[Alkie]

i once knew a guy who was dating this chick, but she was sleeping with somebody else on the sly.  so she gets prenant, and a few years later she dies.  and since she didnt know who the father was, some judge makes both guys live together and raise the kid together.

somebody should make a show out of that.

When I was 14 and that show was on, I'd have killed my family if that chick would have gone out with me (if that's what she had asked, I mean).

[cougar]

I'm moving to Norway.

I'm considering Australia depending on the next Presdential election.  I don't want 70% of my income going to the government's idea of social welfare.

[MusicMan]

i once knew a guy who was dating this chick, but she was sleeping with somebody else on the sly.  so she gets pregnant, and a few years later she dies.  and since she didnt know who the father was, some judge makes both guys live together and raise the kid together.

somebody should make a show out of that.

If you couldn't appreciate the subtle genius of "My Two Dads", then I'm not sure we have much common ground.

[Alkie]

If you couldn't appreciate the subtle genius of "My Two Dads", then I'm not sure we have much common ground.

I appreciated it.

I always wondered why Stacey whatshername never had more work or called me on weekends to chat.

[MusicMan]

I'm considering Australia depending on the next Presdential election.  I don't want 70% of my income going to the government's idea of social welfare.

47% tax rate in Australia.  Not counting social taxes.  Might want to rethink that one.

[Alkie]

I'm considering Australia depending on the next Presdential election.  I don't want 70% of my income going to the government's idea of social welfare.

Yes, but in Norway, you don't have to purchase anything because the gov't gives it to you.  Who cares how much disposable income you have if you don't need it?

[Savage]

I appreciated it.

I always wondered why Stacey whatshername never had more work or called me on weekends to chat.

What are you talking about?  Did you not appreciate her role as brainy dana in TGIF's stalwart "Step by Step"?

[Bench]

OK. I officially have no idea what's going on in the game. Basic score/inning update anyone?

[cougar]

47% tax rate in Australia.  Not counting social taxes.  Might want to rethink that one.

Stop killing my dream of hot Aussie chicks with cute accents fanning me with palm fronds while trained Koalas bring me maitais!

[Alkie]

What are you talking about?  Did you not appreciate her role as brainy dana in TGIF's stalwart "Step by Step"?

I was clearly already in Jr High or something.  I have no idea what you're talking about.  The 80s weren't a good time for me.  I'm going to go sit in the shower with my clothes on and cry.

[Rebel Jew]

I appreciated it.

I always wondered why Stacey whatshername never had more work or called me on weekends to chat.

staci keanan now:
http://www.series-80.net/acteurs/mario_lopez/apercu/fiche.jpg

[remy]

I was clearly already in Jr High or something.  I have no idea what you're talking about.  The 80s weren't a good time for me.  I'm going to go sit in the shower with my clothes on and cry.

The other 2 girls were cuter.

[Alkie]

OK. I officially have no idea what's going on in the game. Basic score/inning update anyone?

523 runs - 513 runs, Leeds.   Tea time.

[Alkie]

staci keanan now:
http://www.series-80.net/acteurs/mario_lopez/apercu/fiche.jpg
 

Is no worky.

[MusicMan]

I appreciated it.

I always wondered why Stacey whatshername never had more work or called me on weekends to chat.

159 episodes of "Step by Step".

159?!?!

[JaneDoe]

OK. I officially have no idea what's going on in the game. Basic score/inning update anyone?

Houston 7, Texas 3 Bottom of 7th     1 out

Hairston grounds out Bruntlett to Berkman

2 out

[Bench]

Stop killing my dream of hot Aussie chicks with cute accents fanning me with palm fronds while trained Koalas bring me maitais!

When I think of Aussie chicks, all I can think of is this aggressive sunburnt girl I spent a night with in Seville, who walked out of my hotel room the next morning saying, in a particularly thick Austrialian accent "life's just a haircut... then you're a long time dead."

Damn, I wish I could remember her name.

[Fredia]

ok what happened ot the game zone

[Bench]

Houston 7, Texas 3 Bottom of 7th     1 out

Hairston grounds out Bruntlett to Berkman

2 out

Gotcha. Muchas gracias.

[Alkie]

"life's just a haircut... then you're a long time dead."

Does ANYthing those fuckers say make any goddamn sense?

[Alkie]

ok what happened ot the game zone

I'm drinking wine tonight instead fo beer.

[Bench]

Does ANYthing those fuckers say make any goddamn sense?

And yet it always sounds good at the time.

[gwat]

staci keanan now:
http://www.series-80.net/acteurs/mario_lopez/apercu/fiche.jpg

Erreur en serveur

[JaneDoe]

Vasquez strikes out.

[Savage]

I was clearly already in Jr High or something.  I have no idea what you're talking about.  The 80s weren't a good time for me.  I'm going to go sit in the shower with my clothes on and cry.

Highlight of my college trip to mardi gras was not 1 but 2 run-ins with the guy who played her boyfriend.  somewhere i have a picture of him, me and my college roommate.  dude was short.

[Rebel Jew]

Erreur en serveur

maybe this one will work:

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/212275~Saved-By-The-Bell.jpg

[Alkie]

maybe this one will work:

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/212275~Saved-By-The-Bell.jpg

Maybe this is funny where you live.

[remy]

maybe this one will work:

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/212275~Saved-By-The-Bell.jpg

Wow, her tits got bigger.

[JaneDoe]

Due up:
Munson, Bruntlett, Biggio

Munson K's swinging. 1 out

Bruntlett lines a single over SS to LF.

Biggio GIDP 6-4-3

3 outs

[Bench]

Wow, her tits got bigger.

And that actually got me to click on the link. I'd shake my fist at the original poster, but I still should have known better.

[Bench]

Due up:
Munson, Bruntlett, Biggio

Munson K's swinging. 1 out

Bruntlett lines a single over SS to LF.

Biggio GIDP 6-4-3

3 outs

Bullpen time, eh? That's been exciting.

[gwat]

maybe this one will work:

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/212275~Saved-By-The-Bell.jpg

Waylon Smithers, "Excellent."

[JaneDoe]

Rick White comes in. 

Lofton, Kinsler, Young due up.

[JaneDoe]

Lofton

Ball
Ball
Ball
Strike called
singles to RF

[Bench]

Lofton

Ball
Ball
Ball
Strike called
singles to RF

Man, I hate that guy.

[cougar]

Recently whenever we go to the bullpen I feel like Kevin Bacon at the end of Animal House shouting, "All is well!" then getting run over by the frantic mob.

[remy]

And that actually got me to click on the link. I'd shake my fist at the original poster, but I still should have known better.

Well, if you do really want to see what she looks like nowadays here's some photos (honest):

http://imdb.com/name/nm0443824/

[Rebel Jew]

i have a serious baseball question for those lucky enough not to be blacked out from watching this game even though its impossible for you to watch it on tv:

has this been another game where sampson has looked better later in the game because of his sinker sinking more?  or did he just get some bad luck early (or good luck late)?

[Bench]

Here we fucking go.

[mihoba]

Alright Garner, you put White in and he failed to get the first two batters out. The tying run is now in the on-deck circle, so it's officially a save situation. Take him the fuck out!! He has nothing tonight.

[JaneDoe]

No outs. Lofton on 1st.

Kinsler
Strike called
Foul
Foul
Ball
Singles to LF

Men on 1st and 2nd, no outs.

Pitching change.

[cougar]

i have a serious baseball question for those lucky enough not to be blacked out from watching this game even though its impossible for you to watch it on tv:

has this been another game where sampson has looked better later in the game because of his sinker sinking more?  or did he just get some bad luck early (or good luck late)?

Yes.

[mihoba]

Thank you, I rest my case.

Next.

[Bench]

Well, if you do really want to see what she looks like nowadays here's some photos (honest):

http://imdb.com/name/nm0443824/

She's doing well, it seems. Though I'm also the type of guy that thinks Tori Spelling turned into a surprisingly comparitively normal person.

[JaneDoe]

Men on 1st and 2nd, no outs.

Wheeler comes in for White.

[Bench]

i have a serious baseball question for those lucky enough not to be blacked out from watching this game even though its impossible for you to watch it on tv:

has this been another game where sampson has looked better later in the game because of his sinker sinking more?  or did he just get some bad luck early (or good luck late)?

That's the MO for sinkerballers. It's why they tend to struggle on long rest and do fairly well on short rest.

[JaneDoe]

Men on 1st and 2nd, no outs.

Young

Foul
Strike called
ball low
Strike out swinging

[remy]

Very big K, Wheels.

[Bench]

Ahhh! What the fuck is going on? In the static I heard the term "wild pitch" and gameday froze up.

[Bench]

Fuck. I heard that.

[remy]

Fucking Corky 2-run texas leaguer.  7-5 Astros.

[JaneDoe]

Men on 1st and 2nd, 1 out.

Corky up

Ball
Ball--gets by Munson, runners move to 2nd and 3rd.  Ruled a pass ball
Strike
High drive, fans standing up, Sosa leaning, trying to will the ball to stay in play, foul
Loops a single to CF, both runners score.

Sosa failed to take second on the throw

[mihoba]

A two-run dink off the end of the bat.

Fuck.

[JaneDoe]

Sorry if I am too slow Bench, trying to keep it to one post per player instead of one post per pitch.

[remy]

"Eunuch" Lewin:  Well we said it before... if you can get into the Houston pen, you've got a shot.

[Bench]

I guarantee you...you'll wish we had those 2 runs.  You'll see.

FUCK YOU, Fuck You, fuck you.

[Alkie]

You'll wish you had those 2 runs.

FUCKERS.

[mihoba]

Fucking bullpen.

[remy]

"Eunuch" Lewin:  Well we said it before... if you can get into the Houston pen, you've got a shot.

2-run HR Catatlalanatnato.

Eunuch owns us all.

[Anit]

so i guess sampson wont go near wheeler this time in the dugout..

[JaneDoe]

Sosa on 1st. One out.

Catalanotto homers.

Game tied.

[Bench]

Sorry if I am too slow Bench, trying to keep it to one post per player instead of one post per pitch.

You're doing great. It's much appreciated.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Fuckin' shit.

[remy]

so i guess sampson wont go near wheeler this time in the dugout..

Heh...

God this team is so bad.

[cougar]

Our bully blows like a Fillipino hooker.  Not that I know anything about that.

If I were Sampson I'd take a bat to the clubhouse.  What a joke.

[Bench]

so i guess sampson wont go near wheeler this time in the dugout..

Man, I wish that wasn't as funny as it is.

[JaneDoe]

Laird grounds out 6-3. 2 outs.

[The Spleen]

Worst.
Fucking.
Team.
In.
Baseball.

[JaneDoe]

2 outs.

Wilkerson

Called strike
Swinging strike
Ball
Swinging K.

3 outs. Going to the top of the 9th.  Pence, Berkman, Lee up.

[Frobie]

Geez, by the time I went and got a beer and returned, it's a tie game.

I'm glad the video was so bad on KNWS/Comcast today (never mind the audio, it was from an entirely different program) that I didn't feel obligated to see it with my own eyes.  I'll let the radio twins suffer on my behalf.  

Yikes.  

LOL, they did just mention the "safer counter tops" again.

[gwat]

Shades of the White Sox grand slam game on Sunday, last June 25. Fucking Sunday games.

[Anit]

nice double from pence

[JaneDoe]

Pence, Berkman, Lee up.

PENCE!!

Ball
foul
Doubles to the LF wall

[cougar]

At least we still have Gunther.

[mihoba]

Slammed the change up from Gag-me off the base of the wall in left.

Nice.

[mihoba]

Pitching to Berkman in this situation speaks volumes, but he was nibbling.

C'mon Carlos.

[JaneDoe]

Pence on 2nd. No outs.

Berkman

Ball
Foul
Ball
Ball
Ball in the dirt

Men on 1st and 2nd. No outs

[remy]

At least we still have Gunther.

Imagine how boring this team would be without him.

Sampson and Gunther better be around for a while.

[JaneDoe]

Men on 1st and 2nd. No outs

Lee

Ball
Ball
Long fly to CF. 1 out

Pence goes to 3rd.  Berkman still at 1st.

[cougar]

Fuck I thought Carlos had gotten all of that one.

OK runners on 1st and 3rd, one out, rightie up.  Anyone seeing the numbers 6, 4, and 3 in the near future?

[Bench]

Lee

Ball
Ball
Long fly to CF. 1 out

Pence goes to 3rd.  Berkman still at 1st.

Damn. Through the static I imagined that to be a bases clearing double just past the centerfielder's glove.

[The Spleen]

Fuck I thought Carlos had gotten all of that one.

OK runners on 1st and 3rd, one out, rightie up.  Anyone seeing the numbers 6, 4, and 3 in the near future?

I say 5-4-3... just for flavor...

[Anit]

i'd love at least just a sac fly here

[Bench]

i'd love at least just a sac fly here

I'd love to see just a run here. Wild pitch, error, sac fly, I don't give a fuck.

[remy]

god how did he lay off that ball 3

[Anit]

BEAUTIFUL

[remy]

LOL @ Kenny.

You so silly.

[mihoba]

YES!! Loretta is a pro-fess-ional hitter.

[cougar]

Wow!  The Rangers strike again in the "Who wants to lose it more!" race.

[gwat]

Fucking Yes. Loretta!!!!!!

[Bench]

How did Berkman score from first? I could barely make it out.

[Alkie]

Kiss that 0.54 ERA goo-bye.

[Frobie]

"...and Berkman races home."

Races?  Berkman?!

[JaneDoe]

Pence goes to 3rd.  Berkman still at 1st. 1 out.

Loretta

Ball
Foul
ball
foul
ball
Line drive to Lofton, who overuns the ball to his left, ball gets by, Pence scores, Berkman waved around third, he scores!

Loretta to 2nd.

Lamb lines out--or so says Brownie (did not see they were still showing the replay of Loretta's hit)

[remy]

How did Berkman score from first? I could barely make it out.

God it was awesome... Lofton over-ran it and it just bounced past him all the way to the wall pretty much.  Would have scored a run anyway, but his gaff gave us a little insurance.

Motherfucking wheeler is now in line for Sampson's hard earned win?

[The Spleen]

How did Berkman score from first? I could barely make it out.

Loretta brought the forklift this time...

[mihoba]

How did Berkman score from first? I could barely make it out.

Lofton let it get by him, it had some english on it when it bounced, off his glove.

[Bench]

Kiss that 0.54 ERA goo-bye.

Is that your 2 runs right there or is the night going to be really awful?

[gwat]

Gagne reminds me of Penn Jillette.

[cougar]

How the hell did Lofton not get an error on Berkman scoring on that?  You could time him with a sundial going first to home and they called it a double all the way?  Interesting scoring.

[JaneDoe]

How did Berkman score from first? I could barely make it out.

Lofton was going to his left, the ball bounced back to his left, he had no chance. 

[Alkie]

Is that your 2 runs right there or is the night going to be really awful?

She comes and she goes.  She comes.  And she goes.

[JaneDoe]

Scott grounds out 4-3.

[Reuben]

Lofton was going to his left, the ball bounced back to his left, he had no chance. 

Who's warming upi the Houston bully?

[Alkie]

Is that your 2 runs right there or is the night going to be really awful?

FUCK.  YOu.

[Anit]

wheels has the good stuff going tonight

[remy]

Good god, wheeler.  Time to a new day job.

[JaneDoe]

Leadoff homer for Byrd.

[mihoba]

Damn Wheeler. Why don't you groove him next time.

[Bench]

FUCK.  YOu.

Shit.

[JaneDoe]

She comes and she goes.  She comes.  And she goes.

Did you have to jinx it?

[Frobie]

Geez, this is starting to sound like an AL game.

Oh, wait.

Sorry.

[remy]

Someone needs to tell him he's already blown it for Sampson, he doesn't need to be doing this.

[cougar]

I'm waiting for one of these to reach escape velocity and settle into low orbit.

[The Spleen]

wheels has the good stuff going tonight

...and for only $80 a gram!

[Alkie]

Did you have to jinx it?

I jus speaks da troof.

[Alkie]

Geez, this is starting to sound like an AL game.

Oh, wait.

Sorry.

9-8.  Man, this is fun.   I just keep thinking.......2 more outs and I don't have to think about this crapola for another year.

[JaneDoe]

Vazquez

Foul
Ball
Ball
Strike called
Grounds to Berkman, throws to Wheeler. 1 out

[Alkie]

Tie game (it is the future I see).

[remy]

Tie game (it is the future I see).

There is...

Another...

Sky...pointer.....

[cougar]

9-8.  Man, this is fun.   I just keep thinking.......2 more outs and I don't have to think about this crapola for another year.

There's always extra innings.

[Bench]

Tie game (it is the future I see).

My nerves can't handle that. I had a great fun relaxing day. I came home knowing the game wouldn't be on TV, but looking forward to kicking back with some beers and listening to it on the radio. Instead, I get a loud static-laden nightmare for three hours.

And I have to get to work extra-early tomorrow.

Please make it end.

[JaneDoe]

1 out

Lofton

Strike called
Swinging strike. Lofton really late
Foul
foul
ball
ball
Fly ball to left CF.  Lee crosses in front of PENCE!! to make the catch.  2 outs

[Alkie]

Please make it end.

For you?  No.

[cougar]

At least Carlos let Gunther know he had this one.  Can you imagine if we had to chalk up another one on Lee's body count?

[Anit]

fucking

incredible..

[mihoba]

My nerves can't handle that. I had a great fun relaxing day. I came home knowing the game wouldn't be on TV, but looking forward to kicking back with some beers and listening to it on the radio. Instead, I get a loud static-laden nightmare for three hours.

And I have to get to work extra-early tomorrow.

Please make it end.

Nope.

[JaneDoe]

2 outs

Kinsler

strike
Home run to tie it

F U Alkie.

[Alkie]

There is...

Another...

Sky...pointer.....

When I first read this, I actually laughed.

I am not anymore.

[gwat]

May I have a bucket, please.

[cougar]

Jumping Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.

[remy]

Holy mother of Jesus.

[matadorph]

Oh. my. fucking. gawd.

FUCK YOU DAMN.

[Frobie]

Surely you can't be serious.

[Bench]

For you?  No.

I hate you. A man I've never met, but neverthless I hate you.

[remy]

Forfeit.  On to Milwaukee.

[Alkie]

F U Alkie.

I tug on my eye Baggy-style and see the next AB.  I can't help it.  Troof.  Triple troof.

This team.   Sucks.

[cougar]

Surely you can't be serious.

Don't call me Surely.

[Alkie]

I hate you. A man I've never met, but neverthless I hate you.

I was going to end this game.  Then you asked and I saw the pain in your eyes and thought...I have a meeting at 8:30a too, but if it'll hurt Bench, a man I've never met, let's do extra tonight.

TENDER.  ANOTHER GLASS.

[remy]

I'm gonna have to watch the rest on mute... I can't stand to hear Eunuch orgasm with the walkoff.

[mihoba]

Nice job Garner, you know, with the whole 'bullpen role' thing. Your 'closer' allows 6 fucking runs on his watch, including three dingers, and you STILL leave him out there.

[matadorph]

Fuck it. Let the stRangers win it here just so the bullpen won't have to pitch another inning.

[Mike]

Forfeit.  On to Milwaukee.

Well if the go to extras Pence still has a chance for the cycle

[JaneDoe]

Young

Foul
Swinging strike
foul
ball in the dirt
swinging k

[Anit]

onto the 10th..

[The Spleen]

There is...

Another...

Sky...pointer.....

Games like this make me think the Sith had the right idea...
If Darth Vader was managing this club, nobody would be yawning through tonight's closed-door meeting...

[matadorph]

Nice job Garner, you know, with the whole 'bullpen role' thing. Your 'closer' allows 6 fucking runs on his watch, including three dingers, and you STILL leave him out there.

You can't be serious. The only guy in the bullpen worth a shit is on the DL.

[chuck]

Qualls is serving his suspension, or is he available?

[cougar]

Nice job Garner, you know, with the whole 'bullpen role' thing. Your 'closer' allows 6 fucking runs on his watch, including three dingers, and you STILL leave him out there.

But...but...  his 'closer' pulled his oblique!

[Alkie]

Nice job Garner, you know, with the whole 'bullpen role' thing. Your 'closer' allows 6 fucking runs on his watch, including three dingers, and you STILL leave him out there.

Who else is going to pitch?

Randolph?  Or maybe you'd like to see Qualls.  Or perhaps Moehler.  Or maybe you'd like to see Garner use Dave Borkowski.  Or Trever Miller. 

Ha!  I DARE you to name an available pitcher.

[JaneDoe]

Can you point to the Angus area?


 -------> Bullpen

[cougar]

Qualls is serving his suspension, or is he available?

I think I heard he was warming up during that traveshamockery of a 9th, so I guess he's available.

[gwat]

Qualls is serving his suspension, or is he available?

He was warming up.

[mihoba]

Who else is going to pitch?

Randolph?  Or maybe you'd like to see Qualls.  Or perhaps Moehler.  Or maybe you'd like to see Garner use Dave Borkowski.  Or Trever Miller. 

Ha!  I DARE you to name an available pitcher.

Stretch Suba

[Bench]

Ensberg! Bruntlett! Biggio!


Wwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Alkie]

FUCK ME IN THE LLAMA! 

WE JUST GOT FUCKED OUT OF A DOUBLE!

[Bench]

Who else is going to pitch?

Randolph?  Or maybe you'd like to see Qualls.  Or perhaps Moehler.  Or maybe you'd like to see Garner use Dave Borkowski.  Or Trever Miller. 

Ha!  I DARE you to name an available pitcher.

The weird Round Rock inspired love affair with Randolph needs to end. He's pretty much proved over the course of his career what he is capable of at the major league level.

[Alkie]

Stretch Suba

OR..........any of the 5 I named.

[JaneDoe]

Ensberg hits it down 3rd base line, hits umpire, idiot cost Ensberg a double.

Man on 1st , no outs.

[chuck]

Well, I was three for four coming out of Spring Training. I predicted that

1. The offense would be weak (check)
2. The defense would be terrible (check)
3. The starting pitching would be better than people thought (check)
4. The bullpen would be a real strength (oops!)

[DVauthrin]

That was one of the most pathetic displays of pitching i've ever seen.   For 3 hitters he puts the ball where he wants, but on two of them  he throws get me over BP fastballs.

[Bench]

FUCK ME IN THE LLAMA! 

WE JUST GOT FUCKED OUT OF A DOUBLE!

Wasn't even Angel Hernadez.

[JaneDoe]

Man on 1st , no outs.

Bruntlett sac bunt, moves Ensberg to 2nd.

[remy]

Who else is going to pitch?

Randolph?  Or maybe you'd like to see Qualls.  Or perhaps Moehler.  Or maybe you'd like to see Garner use Dave Borkowski.  Or Trever Miller. 

Ha!  I DARE you to name an available pitcher.

Deshaies.

[Alkie]

Wasn't even Angel Hernadez.

Close.

Aaaaaaaaaye-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[Anit]

2996, and it scores the run!

[remy]

2996

[Alkie]

B G O!   B G O!

And my Thursday tickets are worth saving!

[cougar]

I can't wait to check Sportscenter for all of BEE-zhee-oh's hits tonight.

[matadorph]

Take that, haters.

[Bench]

Biggio? Whhaaa? He's like, a great player? Who knew? They should make plaques for guys like him.

[Frobie]

Go go Biggio!

[JaneDoe]

Big--gee--o

Foul
Foul
ball
Lines a double down LF line, Ensberg scores.  Biggio barely safe at 2nd.

[mihoba]

2,996. 658th double. 999th extra base hit.

One run is not enough, we have to blow a two-run lead. Again.

[remy]

Patty looks like she's tearing up a little.

[Anit]

i really would like to see pence just fucking crush another one

[Alkie]

2,996. 658th double. 999th extra base hit.

One run is not enough, we have to blow a two-run lead. Again.

You'll wish you had THOSE two runs.  You'll see. 

[JaneDoe]

ALL CAPS

Singles to RF.  The Old Man to 3rd.

[remy]

And Wheeler now has a SECOND opportunity to be the winning pitcher.

THE UNIVERSE IS IN CHAOS.

[cougar]

Can we name Gunther ROY and forget about it?

*knocks on every piece of wood in his house*

[gwat]

Hit another one Lance.

[Alkie]

Ok.  Who pitches the 10th?

[mihoba]

Ok.  Who pitches the 10th?

Qualls.

[cougar]

Ok.  Who pitches the 10th?

Can we throw DQ a couple of million?  He's shown he's willing to come out of the pen if needed.

[JaneDoe]

Men on 1st and 3rd. 1 out.

Berkman

Called strike
Foul
ball in the dirt
Berkman hits up the middle, pitcher moves out of the way, single to CF.  Biggio scores

men on 1st and 2nd 1 out.

[Alkie]

You'll be glad you had THOSE two runs.

GOD, I love AL baseball!  Yes, yes, yes!  More runs!  Less pitching!  U want 2 cybor?  My brain is drunken donkey shit!   

[Frobie]

Sweet.  A two-run lead.  No way the bullpen blows one of those tonight.

[cougar]

You'll be glad you had THOSE two runs.

GOD, I love AL baseball!  Yes, yes, yes!  More runs!  Less pitching!  U want 2 cybor?  My brain is drunken donkey shit!   

LOLZ!!!!2007!!!

[mihoba]

Pigpen has now stepped on home plate one thousand eight hundred and twenty times.

[Mike]

Can we throw DQ a couple of million?  He's shown he's willing to come out of the pen if needed.

He gave up a run in an inning, and his era is over 5 now

[Bench]

You'll wish you had THOSE two runs.  You'll see. 

Honestly, I think the Astros have a lot of good pitchers in their pen, but, I'm, uh, not, real... Nevermind.

[cougar]

He gave up a run in an inning, and his era is over 5 now

And that would make him different from the rest of our pen how exactly?

[Alkie]

Honestly, I think the Astros have a lot of good pitchers in their pen, but, I'm, uh, not, real... Nevermind.

Please don't make me do this again, Bench.  I want to go to sleep.  I have to work in the morning.  Stop taunting me.

[Mike]

And that would make him different from the rest of our pen how exactly?

Well as of late, our pen has been giving up more than 1 an inning..

[Alkie]

He gave up a run in an inning, and his era is over 5 now

Hey!  That's like $4m per run given up he's averaging!

[JaneDoe]

men on 1st and 2nd 1 out.

Lee

Ball
Ball
called strike
foul
ball
foul
foul
ball
Bases loaded

[cougar]

OK Loretta time to put us out of our misery.

[remy]

Honestly, I think the Astros have a lot of good pitchers in their pen, but, I'm, uh, not, real... Nevermind.

But tonight, God willing, the Rangers' pen will prove worse.

[jmontessi]

who's warming up for the bottom of the inning?

[Alkie]

So I ask you again, gentle stranger, how do people watch this shit every night?

[Rebel Jew]

anybody remember the episode of my two dads where they took a paternity test, but refused to open the results?  that pissed me off.

[matadorph]

All the fucking whiny "fans" who've bitched all season long about Biggio and how PAINFUL it is for them to watch him taint his legacy with his pursuit of 3000 don't deserve the privilege of watching him break that mark.

FUCK YOU. You know who you are.

[Bench]

Please don't make me do this again, Bench.  I want to go to sleep.  I have to work in the morning.  Stop taunting me.

You're making me cry. You are actually slowly crushing my soul. Tell whoever it is you know that I give up. I surrender.

[The Spleen]

who's warming up for the bottom of the inning?

Rob Mallicoat?

[Reuben]

who's warming up for the bottom of the inning?

Jason Lane.

[gwat]

Fuckin' 11PM, Sunday night, grabbing a bottle of Rumple Minz. What a way to start the week.

[remy]

So I ask you again, gentle stranger, how do people watch this shit every night?

Fuck if I know..  That Angels series actually made me physically ill.  I had to call in sick Thursday morning.

[mihoba]

All the fucking whiny "fans" who've bitched all season long about Biggio and how PAINFUL it is for them to watch him taint his legacy with his pursuit of 3000 don't deserve the privilege of watching him break that mark.

FUCK YOU. You know who you are.

A-fucking-men

[Bench]

Fuck if I know..  That Angels series actually made me physically ill.  I had to call in sick Thursday morning.

And they might have been the 1985 Cardinals with the amount of running they dropped on the stros.

[The Spleen]

...grabbing a bottle of Rumple Minz...

That going to be strong enough?

[Bench]

That going to be strong enough?

It spices up the inevitable blow job.

[JaneDoe]

Bases loaded. One out.

Pitching change. Willie Eyre replaces Wilson.

Loretta

Foul
ball
ball
Ground ball to deep in the hole to SS, throws to 2nd from his knees, Lee out on a close call.
PENCE!! scores.

Men on the corners, 2 outs

[chuck]

Does Biggio rest for two games in Milwaukee? Or does Garner give him the chance to get it on the road? That would be awesome.

Hell, the way this game is going he could fucking get it tonight.

[Bench]

So, anyone else think Ausmus goes deep here?

[JaneDoe]

Men on the corners, 2 outs

Ausmus K's.

[Bench]

Hell, the way this game is going he could fucking get it tonight.

Let's not joke.

[Frobie]

Make it stick.

[chuck]

Let's not joke.

Who's joking?

[legs_of_eggs]

what happend to wheeler? my god

[Bench]

Who's joking?

Hopefully not Qualls.

[Bench]

what happend to wheeler? my god

Didn't you see Sportscenter? He hates Sampson. They fought.

[legs_of_eggs]

Didn't you see Sportscenter? He hates Sampson. They fought.

i meant season-wise, and for that matter, what happend to the fucking bullpen

[JaneDoe]

Qualls replaces Wheeler. 

Sosa

Strike swinging
ball. appeal, ball
Fly ball to Gunther ALL CAPS PENCE!!

1 out

[Reuben]

Does Biggio rest for two games in Milwaukee? Or does Garner give him the chance to get it on the road? That would be awesome.

Hell, the way this game is going he could fucking get it tonight.

I would think you've got to rest him. Period.

[cougar]

A fly ball that didn't reach the seats.  Will wonder never cease.

[chuck]

So, anyone else think Ausmus goes deep here?

I just wandered over to the front page of yahoo.com and was met with this probing question: "Will post-jail Paris Hilton lead a life of quiet philanthropy?"

I was immediately reminded of your quoted post.

[cougar]

Hunter and Luke get to play Keystone Kops just to make sure my blood pressure doesn't get too close to normal.

[JaneDoe]

1 out

Cat man

Flies to right center, Pence breaks in front of Scott, misses the ball, Catalanotto to 2nd.

No error. Scored a double, I disagree.

[JaneDoe]

Laird grounds out 6-3.

2 out.

[Bench]

I just wandered over to the front page of yahoo.com and was met with this probing question: "Will post-jail Paris Hilton lead a life of quiet philanthropy?"

I was immediately reminded of your quoted post.

She's still in jail? Well I'll be.

[cougar]

At last out long national nightmare is over.

[chuck]

She's still in jail? Well I'll be.

45 days, beeyatch.

Can you imagine having to pull that kind of time?

[Bench]

I guess there was the runs they needed afterall.

Great win, Wheeler.

[JaneDoe]

Wilkerson grounds out 6-3.

GAME OVER

[The Spleen]

I just wandered over to the front page of yahoo.com and was met with this probing question: "Will post-jail Paris Hilton lead a life of quiet philanthropy?"

She's gone deep a time or few...

[mihoba]

One good thing, the offense battled back time and again late.

Good night. No sweep.

[Frobie]

Thanks, GZers.  Enjoyed it, as always.

[Bench]

45 days, beeyatch.

Can you imagine having to pull that kind of time?

It would totally fuck with my highlights.

[chuck]

She's gone deep a time or few...

I think I may have seen some highlights, now that you mention it.

[legs_of_eggs]

fuck the stupid boot and the cowboys

[Reuben]

so...did the new closer just close this game? Just wonderin'.

[mihoba]

so...did the new closer just close this game? Just wonderin'.

Wheeler ERA = 6.55

[DVauthrin]

Three thoughts:

1) Very proud of the offense for battling.

2)  Wheeler needs to stop throwing BP in real games

3)  I would not be shocked if a reliever got promoted tommorrow

[Reuben]

Wheeler ERA = 6.55

Muddies up those trade thoughts, doesn't it?

[JimR]

Cat man

Flies to right center, Pence breaks in front of Scott, misses the ball, Catalanotto to 2nd.

No error. Scored a double, I disagree.

it was scored a two-base error on Pence. the Rangers' announcers were hoping for a double.

Golden Boy is a bad OFer.

[JimR]

Three thoughts:

1) Very proud of the offense for battling.

2)  Wheeler needs to stop throwing BP in real games

3)  I would not be shocked if a reliever got promoted tommorrow

there are NO decent relievers in RR. none.

McLemore started tonight.

[JaneDoe]

it was scored a two-base error on Pence. the Rangers' announcers were hoping for a double.

Golden Boy is a bad OFer.

The Astros announcers said it was scored a double, too.  So did MLB Gameday.  Where did you hear a two base error was scored?

[mihoba]

The Astros announcers said it was scored a double, too.  So did MLB Gameday.  Where did you hear a two base error was scored?

The box says double also. Should have been an error. Home cooking for Cat, who has struggled early this year.

[DVauthrin]

there are NO decent relievers in RR. none.

McLemore started tonight.

does corpus have anything worth gambling on?   I know it's a risk but with the way the bullpen is pitching it might be worth a risk.  Or start using moehler more.

[remy]

The Astros announcers said it was scored a double, too.  So did MLB Gameday.  Where did you hear a two base error was scored?

It was initially scored a 2-base error but was changed to a double.

[JaneDoe]

there are NO decent relievers in RR. none.

McLemore started tonight.

Think we can get JD to leave the booth and throw in the pen?

[remy]

Think we can get JD to leave the booth and throw in the pen?

Move Woody to the pen and try to get Zeke back from the Rangers!

[The Spleen]

does corpus have anything worth gambling on?   I know it's a risk but with the way the bullpen is pitching it might be worth a risk.  Or start using moehler more.

Way back in this thread somebody argued for optimism, naming 6-7 quality players already in the majors or high minors. The problem is that beyond those guys there's really not much in this organization that can make an impact in the next couple of years...

[JimR]

The Astros announcers said it was scored a double, too.  So did MLB Gameday.  Where did you hear a two base error was scored?

the Rangers' TV announcers said two base error after first guessing it was a double. it hit square in the middle of his glove.

just looked in the paper--no error for Pence. amazing.