Astros at Rukkakes - 6/5/07

[homer]

Houston

Biggio, 2B
Pence, CF
Berkman, 1B
Lee, LF
Loretta, 3B
Scott, RF
Everett, SS
Ausmus, C
Rodriguez, P

Colorado

Taveras, CF
Matsui, 2B
Holliday, LF
Helton, 1B
Atkins, 3B
Hawpe, RF
Tulowitzki, SS
Torrealba, C
Hirsh, P

[ThomasTx12]

is it inevitable that both Hirsh and Willy tear us up?

[EasTexAstro]

I miss Willy. I said I would miss him when he was gone. I understood why he was traded. I am not making a judgement call on if it was a good decision. I am not baseball smart enough to know. I did enjoy watching him play, though.

I hope we see some good baseball tonight. I would like to see the Astros win, of course, but it will be fun to watch Willy play again.

Yes, I am at work tonight, so I will be watching part of the game, finally. I don't know if Hirsh will make it big, but I won't be rooting for him to fail, either.

[Frobie]

Yeah, Willy was (is?) an exciting player.  I remember one game I was at last year where he hit one into the right-center gap and me--a person who rarely whoops and hollers--standing up (with everybody else) yelling at the top of my lungs, "Run, Willy!  Run, Willy!"  Etc.

And I wasn't drinking, either.  Honest. 

[Frobie]

Didn't finish my own story--he ended up with a triple.  Triples are fun. 

Well, Astro triples are fun.

[EasTexAstro]

Buchholz in the pen, not starting Thursday.

Hirsh looking pretty sharp.

[EasTexAstro]

Will Willy bunt with Lorretta at 3rd?

[EasTexAstro]

Will Willy bunt with Lorretta at 3rd?

Nope, just a looping double.

[Alkie]

The Jennings trade was an excellent transaction.

We got two good, healthy pitchers who will be Astros for a long time and gave up nothing of value in return.

Lackeys.

[EasTexAstro]

Nice AB by Matsui.

Good job getting Willy...

[Alkie]

Great.  6 up, 6 down. 

Does ANYONE in the Astros organization have a book on Jason Hirsh by chance?  No? 

[Bench]

Great.  6 up, 6 down. 

Does ANYONE in the Astros organization have a book on Jason Hirsh by chance?  No? 

What makes him any worse than Wainwright, Kip Wells, Lowry, Owings, Belisle, Maholm, Bush, etc. etc. etc.?

[Alkie]

What makes him any worse than Wainwright, Kip Wells, Lowry, Owings, Belisle, Maholm, Bush, etc. etc. etc.?

What makes IT worse is that if any fucking team on EARTH should know what he throws and how to hit him, IT SHOULD BE THE HOUSTON ASTROS.

[Alkie]

Oh, uh, only fair...I started drinking early tonight and will be extra surly with anyone willing to step up and post this evening.

[EasTexAstro]

Oh, uh, only fair...I started drinking early tonight and will be extra surly with anyone willing to step up and post this evening.

I liked the super slo-mo of Wandy's pitch....wanna fight about it?

[Alkie]

I liked the super slo-mo of Wandy's pitch....wanna fight about it?

You would, asshole. 

[EasTexAstro]

Wandy showing nads under pressure. NTTAWWT

[austro]

Maybe Wandy ought to concentrate on the lead-off hitter like he does with the others.

[gwat]

IMHO. I am glad we moved on from Wille Taveras. I supported him whole-heartedly when we was an Astro, but grew ever impatient
in his second year, after the INFIELD HIT trend wore off. During his stint with Houston, Willie hit the outfield wall with his body, more than he did with the batted ball. His Colorado numbers are virtually the same as his Houston numbers only with a few more singles at a mile high altitude. Check out his extra base hits, especially triples. In his first year with the Astros, I don't remember his outfield play being any less guesswork than what is the current performance of Hun Pence. While they weren't traded for each other, for all practical purposes, this year, they might as well have been. Given the Astros' luck, I am sure Hirsch will be another Curt Schilling. I'm not sure whom Bucholz will mimic, but WT will probably be two singles short of a double cycle tonite.

[EasTexAstro]

You would, asshole. 

You know, you should be doing some PBP.

[otterjb]

Wandy, working his Wandy magic.

[Alkie]

Wandy strikes out another fucking Rox. 

Good job by Wandy.  Redneck cocksuck.  I'll eat your liver.

[austro]

How many pitches for him?  Seems like lots of full counts.

[Alkie]

How many pitches for him?  Seems like lots of full counts.

Somewhere in the 70s.

0-0 Rockies.  Hirsh hasn't allowed a baserunner.

Asshole polesmoke.

[EasTexAstro]

How many pitches for him?  Seems like lots of full counts.

44 or so. Not great, but he is getting it done.

[otterjb]

Wandy strikes out another fucking Rox. 

Good job by Wandy.  Redneck cocksuck.  I'll eat your liver.

Wandy's a redneck?

[Alkie]

44 or so. Not great, but he is getting it done.

tha'sts a matter of opionoin.  fucker.

[Alkie]

Wandy's a redneck?

YOU WANT SOME?

7 up, 7 down.

[EasTexAstro]

I don't remember his outfield play being any less guesswork than what is the current performance of Hun Pence.

I don't agree.

[otterjb]

YOU WANT SOME?

7 up, 7 down.

Some what?

[EasTexAstro]

tha'sts a matter of opionoin.  fucker.

fredalkie?

[Alkie]

Some what?

OF YOUR OWN LIVER, POOPIEPANTS.

8 up, 8 down.

OKIE!

[Alkie]

fredalkie?

Alkidia.

[EasTexAstro]

I'mcalling a good 4th.

Hirsh is about to fold.

[austro]

Asshole polesmoke.

Don't fuck with me: I'm a bad man. I killed two would-be birds with my bare hands tonight. Well, actually, I used a pole saw to pull a nest out of the bathroom vent, and the eggs fell out and broke. Still...

[Alkie]

9 up, 9 down.

I'm going to go shave the Astros pussy.

Bushneck cockeaters.

0-0 Rockies.  Not for long. 

[otterjb]

OF YOUR OWN LIVER, POOPIEPANTS.

8 up, 8 down.

OKIE!

Jeebuz H. 9 up, 9 down, now.

No thanks. Okie?

[Alkie]

Don't fuck with me: I'm a bad man. I killed two would-be birds with my bare hands tonight. Well, actually, I used a pole saw to pull a nest out of the bathroom vent, and the eggs fell out and broke. Still...

You sir, get a half inning of good will from me.  After that, back on the shitlist.

AGGIEFACE!

[Alkie]

Jeebuz H. 9 up, 9 down, now.

No thanks. Okie?

You heard me, Buckeye.  Lick the fly.  Do it NOW.

[otterjb]

You heard me, Buckeye.  Lick the fly.  Do it NOW.

AA is for quitters. Keep on keeping on.

[Alkie]

Wandy fails to cover and Berkman gets Hirsh by one red cunt hair.

My balls are starting to bleed with anger.

[austro]

Memo to Wandy: pull your head out of your ass.

[Alkie]

Memo to Wandy: pull your head out of your ass.

You talking to me, Richard?  Because I ain't puttin gup with this shizzle this evizzle.  Flip flop.

I grow tired.

[Alkie]

Hey, did you guys see that chick at Einstein Bros today? 

She needed a solid fucking and a cinderblock in the nose.  Agreed?  Good.

0-0 rox after 3. 

[austro]

Hey, did you guys see that chick at Einstein Bros today? 

She needed a solid fucking and a cinderblock in the nose.  Agreed?  Good.

0-0 rox after 3. 

You're really not supposed to mix the mushrooms and the vicodin.

[Alkie]

11 up, 11 down and our first red star of the evening.

one more to go and where's my brandy?

[austro]

I wonder if that broke Atkins' hand.

[Alkie]

IN TO THE FIFTH.  WE ARE BEING PERFECTED.  BY JASON HIRSH.  IN COORS.

YOU.  GIANT.  CHONCHAS.

[Alkie]

Oooh!   Roy's in to pitch.

Wait.  That's an ad.

Fuck.

[JaneDoe]

IN TO THE FIFTH.  WE ARE BEING PERFECTED.  BY JASON HIRSH.  IN COORS.

YOU.  GIANT.  CHONCHAS.

My husband keeps yelling, "It's gonna be a no-hitter!"

[austro]

Apparently my memo wasn't delivered.

[Alkie]

My husband keeps yelling, "It's gonna be a no-hitter!"

My anus called perfect game to WalrusIsAl in the 1st.

I win.

This team.  Sucks.

[JaneDoe]

Leadoff triple.  garbledyfunk

[Alkie]

garbledyfunk

Bitch, you better step off.  This is my gig.

[Alkie]

HUGE fucking K.

Inevitable run...delayed.

[Alkie]

GAME OVER!   Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses.  If you're driving, don't drink, if you're drinking...share.

I think I just caught my dick in my pants.  Can I play for the Astros?  Can I at least GM?

[austro]

Now we have to score two to win.  Odds have dropped dramatically.

[JaneDoe]

Bitch, you better step off.  This is my gig.

Go fuck yourself.

[Alkie]

Now we have to score two to win.  Odds have dropped dramatically.

to zero?  that's some fine mathin' skills there my nittany friend.

[austro]

Go fuck yourself.

He just tried, but his zipper thwarted the attempt.

I wonder he could get caught in Biggio's glove?  Probably not.

[EasTexAstro]

Biggio is no Kent at 2nd....

[JaneDoe]

GAME OVER!   Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses.  If you're driving, don't drink, if you're drinking...share.

I think I just caught my dick in my pants.  Can I play for the Astros?  Can I at least GM?

In your pants?  I thought you always took it out and played with it during the game?

[Alkie]

Go fuck yourself.

After 3 times in one evening, it gets sore.  Maybe you could come over and help. 

[Alkie]

In your pants?  I thought you always took it out and played with it during the game?

Lady, if I tried to jerk off during the Astros game, that would make for a lot of frustration. 

[EasTexAstro]

After 3 times in one evening, it gets sore.  Maybe you could come over and help. 

Shouldn't you be talking to the BBGs?

[Alkie]

WAIT!

THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!

Now, when I watch the Astros game, I can think about pounding away at porn stars and it'll make the game go faster.

Genius.

[Alkie]

Shouldn't you be talking to the BBGs?

I don't remmembmemrmem r asking you a goddamn thing.

[Alkie]

LET'S GET THIS INNING OVER, HERPES, AND GET BACK TO THE PERFECTO.

[EasTexAstro]

I don't remmembmemrmem r asking you a goddamn thing.

You offered me $50k to get that turtle off your back using toothpicks and a 4-leaf clover.

[Bench]

What makes IT worse is that if any fucking team on EARTH should know what he throws and how to hit him, IT SHOULD BE THE HOUSTON ASTROS.

Let me reprhase. What makes you think that ANY book on ANY pitcher would help this team hit?

Edited to add necessary words for the sake of logic.

[Alkie]

You offered me $50k to get that turtle off your back using toothpicks and a 4-leaf clover.

AND WE TOOK CARE OF IT, DIDN't WE?? ?  I PAID, DIDN't I???

GET OFF MY PORCH.   I told you , WE DON'T SERVE YOUR KIND.

[EasTexAstro]

I'm invoking the Bagwell.

I'm not sure what that means, but it isn't going to make them score less.

[Alkie]

Edited to add necessary words for the sake of logic.

We don't need your fancy words, college  boy. 

GO TIGLES!

[Trey]

There's a small part of me that would love to see Hirsh hit a grand slam here just to see what Alkie would say.

[EasTexAstro]

We don't need your fancy words, college  boy. 

GO TIGLES!

I'm getting scared. What is this GZ thing?

[Alkie]

back to the perfecto.

before some asshole brings it up, let me say that this perfect game has no bearing on my thought son the jennings trade.  it sucked WELL before our top prospect from LAST SEASON threw a perfect game against us.  that's just the cherry.

I eat popes for breakfast.

[legs_of_eggs]

There's a small part of me that would love to see Hirsh hit a grand slam here just to see what Alkie would say.

hahaha

[Alkie]

There's a small part of me that would love to see Hirsh hit a grand slam here just to see what Alkie would say.

HE HIT A GRAND FUCKING SLAM?? 

JESUS FUCKING HOPSCOTCHING ARM-EATING JESUS.    PERFETCCT GAME AND A GRAND LSAM??   YOU COULD FIT A TRUCK IN SIDE MY VAGINA.

NO!

WAIT! 

THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG!

LOOK!  MEAT!

[austro]

There's a small part of me that would love to see Hirsh hit a grand slam here just to see what Alkie would say.

The words would not get transmitted before his spontaneous human combustion.

[EasTexAstro]

back to the perfecto.

before some asshole brings it up, let me say that this perfect game has no bearing on my thought son the jennings trade.  it sucked WELL before our top prospect from LAST SEASON threw a perfect game against us.  that's just the cherry.

I eat popes for breakfast.

This Hirsh kid is pretty good.

[Alkie]

13 up, 13 down on Ball 5.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE.

[Alkie]

Lo breaks it up right here.

[EasTexAstro]

Lo breaks it up right here.

My money is on AE.

[Alkie]

Who wants to bet that Hirsh doesn't Evne NKNOW he's got a perfect game going.

Lo homes to LF.  Out.

35 up 35 down.

[Trey]

Lo breaks it up right here.

We already burned Orlando Palmeiro?  WTF?  I mean... OHHHHH, you said LO.  I thought you said O.  My mistake.  How embarassing.  Good thing I don't do this for a living.

[Alkie]

My money is on AE.

You have no money and AE is a bitch.

[loganck]

Lo breaks it up right here.

i was thinking the same thing. 
damn.

[EasTexAstro]

Who wants to bet that Hirsh doesn't Evne NKNOW he's got a perfect game going.

Lo homes to LF.  Out.

35 up 35 down.

He's averaging almost 10 pitches/inning. He'll be oout in the 13th.

[Alkie]

CureForWhatAilsYou fixes Hirsh's home ERA of FIVE AND A FUCKING HALF.

[Bench]

You have no money and AE is a bitch.

Alright. That is one of the greatest GZ retorts of all time.

[JaneDoe]

i was thinking the same thing. 
damn.

No thinking allowed.

[EasTexAstro]

You have no money and AE is a bitch.

...but besides that...

[Alkie]

oout

EasTexAlkidia?

[otterjb]

luke!

[JaneDoe]

The NONO is gone!  It was the dark side.

[Alkie]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!

LEFT HEMISPHERE OF BRAIN OWES RIGHT HEMISPHERE OF BRAIN A BEER!!! TIME TO PAY UP!!!

[EasTexAstro]

EasTexAlkidia?

You have no rooooooom to type...

[Bench]

Luke eats perfectos for breakfast.

Perfectos, of course, is an offbrand all-bran cereal made available only to elite platinum level NRA members. You have to carry a handgun with you for four and half years, averaging one casual brandishing per every 8 months.

[EasTexAstro]

WOOHOO!


At least there was a hit. Given enough itme, we could see a run.

[Alkie]

we could see a run.

I also have Extra Innings.  Plenty of runs on channels 736-743.

[legs_of_eggs]

glad my directv is out so i dont have to watch this

[Alkie]

ROY OSWALTs'S COMING IN! S DNO!!! IT's A DAMN TEASTER!!  YOU FUCKS.

I"Lll LIVER YOUR BAD HEART!

[Bench]

I also have Extra Innings.  Plenty of runs on channels 736-743.

I overeat barrio queso when I need to see runs.

[Alkie]

glad my directv is out so i dont have to watch this

"You can always quit, but you can never win the Boston Marathon."

Fact.

[Bench]

ROY OSWALTs'S COMING IN! S DNO!!! IT's A DAMN TEASTER!!  YOU FUCKS.

I"Lll LIVER YOUR BAD HEART!

Ha. I can't wait for Josh Fogg to unleash his inevitable gem.

[JaneDoe]

I overeat barrio queso when I need to see runs.

i gotta try this stuff.  next time you AA get together, give us Houstonites a heads up so we can scurry out there and join ya

[EasTexAstro]

ROY OSWALTs'S COMING IN! S DNO!!! IT's A DAMN TEASTER!!  YOU FUCKS.

I"Lll LIVER YOUR BAD HEART!

I'm not sure what this means, but HOF.

[Alkie]

Barrio queso is Houston, not Austin.  The "mexican" "food" in Austin isn't even bad Tex-Mex, it's so awful.

[dirty steve]

you see the TB bullpen implode and give up 6 runs in the bottom of the ninth to the Jays?

[Alkie]

you see the TB bullpen implode and give up 6 runs in the bottom of the ninth to the Jays?

SHIT!, no.  how did I miss bottom of the basement AL east baesellblal?

[Trey]

Barrio queso is Houston, not Austin.  The "mexican" "food" in Austin isn't even bad Tex-Mex, it's so awful.

Come on, man, I love me some El Arroyo.  Especially when you want to see runs.

[Alkie]

Wait a second. 

Rick White IS Tood Helton?

Hodd Telson is Rick White??

Same room?  Never?!  HAI!

[Alkie]

Come on, man, I love me some El Arroyo.  Especially when you want to see runs.

El Arroyo?  Dude.  It's fine, but it's just this side of Taco Bell as far as "Mexican" goes. 

[Bench]

i gotta try this stuff.  next time you AA get together, give us Houstonites a heads up so we can scurry out there and join ya

Spanish Flowers. It's the place to get the runs.

[dirty steve]

SHIT!, no.  how did I miss bottom of the basement AL east baesellblal?

didnt know if those were the runs you were talking about.

[JaneDoe]

Spanish Flowers. It's the place to get the runs.

Donde esta?

[Trey]

El Arroyo?  Dude.  It's fine, but it's just this side of Taco Bell as far as "Mexican" goes. 

Have you eaten there recently?  It's not anywhere close to "fine".  It's fucking repulsive.

There's a couple of Taqueria La Tapitia's in Austin now.  I won't claim to be a Mexican food Con-a-sewer, but it's the closest thing that I know of here.

[Bench]

Honestly, does anyone here see this 1-0 deficit as insurmountalbe?

[Alkie]

I've been drinking belgian ales since 6:17p.  Had a nice day at the office , made some money, didn't have to use my AK. 

You have a PROBELM? 

[Alkie]

Have you eaten there recently?  It's not anywhere close to "fine".  It's fucking repulsive.

There's a couple of Taqueria La Tapitia's in Austin now.  I won't claim to be a Mexican food Con-a-sewer, but it's the closest thing that I know of here.

I haven't eaten there recently, but I will say this.  There's a place on.................................FUCK....................where was it.  I could drive you there, but not tell you what street it was on.......about 20 blocks east of 35 in a green building that actually had really good enchiladas.

That was the best we found.

[gwat]

I don't agree.

You guys...... Francis Scott Key certainly had no better brawl than this from which to gain the pluck it took to pen the National Anthem.
Given all of these virtual, and I am sure some non-virtual, "bombs bursting in air", I am nearly motivated to go Limerick.

But to a much lesser point,

It may have been who I was comparing Taveras to. After watching Beltran sail around CF seemingly without effort, WT always appeared very tenative to me in his FIRST year. I remember him dropping some catchable balls every now and then. I don't see Hunter as THAT much less of a fielding talent. Appearing raw at times, Pence makes most of the plays, at least the running and catching part. however Taveras' arm, without a doubt, is a cannon compared to HP's slingshot. But for now, no matter where their defensive skills lie, most people would choose HP over WT in center for the difference in offense. That is all.

[Alkie]

Honestly, does anyone here see this 1-0 deficit as insurmountalbe?

completely.

I bet you Willy T and 2 of our top 4 prospects.

[Alkie]

There goes Ausmus for the season.

YES!!!!!!  I mean..."shit!"

[JaneDoe]

Beautiful hit and run, but Ausmus looks hurt.

[Trey]

I haven't eaten there recently, but I will say this.  There's a place on.................................FUCK....................where was it.  I could drive you there, but not tell you what street it was on.......about 20 blocks east of 35 in a green building that actually had really good enchiladas.

That was the best we found.

You're not talking about Vivo or El Chile on Manor are you?  Those are both good, but a little bit trendy, but that might be a recent development given how that area has changed recently.

[Bill McLuggage]

Hey guys!  Sorry I'm late, what'd I miss?  Let's see...

Liver Eating
Francis Scott Key
Enchiladas in Austin
EastTexAlkie
Jason Hirsch kicking ass...WHAT?  Now THAT just makes no fucking sense.

[Alkie]

You're not talking about Vivo or El Chile on Manor are you?  Those are both good, but a little bit trendy, but that might be a recent development given how that area has changed recently.

Not even close.

This place was at..........god....like 6th and (20 blocks east of I35).  Green pastel building.  Have to order in Spanish or starve.

[austro]

At least there was a hit. Given enough itme, we could see a run.

Given enough time, my remains will turn into an oil deposit.  What's your point?

[pravata]

sorry,

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bRch-QMwXS8

[austro]

Who didn't see that coming?

[Trey]

Not even close.

This place was at..........god....like 6th and (20 blocks east of I35).  Green pastel building.  Have to order in Spanish or starve.

good.  I was beginning to doubt your credentials.  One of those places is in a green building.  I get them confused, though.  I will have to search it out at some point in the future.  If I can't find it, there's always Sam's BBQ.

[gwat]

Hey guys!  Sorry I'm late, what'd I miss?  Let's see...

Liver Eating
Francis Scott Key
Enchiladas in Austin
EastTexAlkie
Jason Hirsch kicking ass...WHAT?  Now THAT just makes no fucking sense.

You have thrown a small hat into the ring, yet you have indeed corraled everything. Great toss.

[Alkie]

Who didn't see that coming?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHGHH@!!!!!@#$!@#$!


GODAMMTI!

[Bill McLuggage]

Hard lineouts to third???  I thought the White Sox series wasn't starting until Friday?

[Alkie]

sorry,

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bRch-QMwXS8

Trying to sober me up?

[JaneDoe]

Hard lineouts to third???  

Frustrating night for the rook.

[Bill McLuggage]

Trying to sober me up?

ColdShowerAndCoffeekie

[EasTexAstro]

You guys...... Francis Scott Key certainly had no better brawl than this from which to gain the pluck it took to pen the National Anthem.
Given all of these virtual, and I am sure some non-virtual, "bombs bursting in air", I am nearly motivated to go Limerick.

But to a much lesser point,

It may have been who I was comparing Taveras to. After watching Beltran sail around CF seemingly without effort, WT always appeared very tenative to me in his FIRST year. I remember him dropping some catchable balls every now and then. I don't see Hunter as THAT much less of a fielding talent. Appearing raw at times, Pence makes most of the plays, at least the running and catching part. however Taveras' arm, without a doubt, is a cannon compared to HP's slingshot. But for now, no matter where their defensive skills lie, most people would choose HP over WT in center for the difference in offense. That is all.

Willy is no Beltran. He was learning and working hard, though, and he had some good tallents for CF. I like what Pence has done, but we are talking CF, not hitting. Totally different subject.

[JaneDoe]

Berkman just doesn't even look like he wants to be there at all. 

[Alkie]

FUCKIN' A YOU GIANT ASSHOLE PUSSY!!!!!

2 RUN DOUBLE BY COUGAR!!!

[Lurch]

boo-fucking-ya.  that is all.

[pravata]

Trying to sober me up?

Just trying it dejinx this crap. 

[Bill McLuggage]

HOLY COCK!  LANCE BERKMAN GO-AHEAD RBI??!!!!?

You mean this Hirsh kid can be figured out?

[Amy]

Did I just hallucinate?  It looked like Berkman just got an extra-base hit.

[gwat]

Double #2. Fuckin' A.

[austro]

Amazing!!! Second double of the year!!! En fuego!!

[Alkie]

1st IBB of Lee all year.

This team.  Sucks.

[Bill McLuggage]

Who else hopes a fucking tsunami blows thru Denver and calls this game right here right now?

Alkie...EasTex...Pravata...somebody make this happen.

[Bench]

So, really. Insurmountable? Whaaa?

[Alkie]

So, really. Insurmountable? Whaaa?

Day ain't over yit.

[Bench]

Good news: Astros dropped a vaguely crooked number.

Better news: Jorge Julio is warming up for the cox.

[Alkie]

So.......when LANCE BERKMAN hits EXTRA BASE HITS.......the Astros can lead ballgames.  I see.

[Bench]

Day ain't over yit.

Oh, it's been mounted. Like you and an east Austin tranny, it has been mounted.

[Bench]

So.......when LANCE BERKMAN hits EXTRA BASE HITS.......the Astros can lead ballgames.  I see.

If this thing catches on...

[Amy]

Who else hopes a fucking tsunami blows thru Denver and calls this game right here right now?

Alkie...EasTex...Pravata...somebody make this happen.

Is there such a thing as a flash blizzard?

[Bill McLuggage]

Brandon Backe always reminds me of Orlando Jones as the 'crackhead' selling magazines from Office Space when that PSA comes on.

[Alkie]

Is there such a thing as a flash blizzard?

Ever been to Denver?

Yes.

June.  Denver.  Sunny day.  Park.  Ducks.  Fishing.  Singing.  World Peace.  Snow.  Running.  Slipping.  Nordic Skiing.  12 years old.  Hurting.  Grama?   No.   Eggroll.  Not enough.  Slow death.

[Bill McLuggage]

Eggroll? The fuck?

Goddamn Mongorians..

[Lurch]

sorry,

http://youtube.com/watch?v=bRch-QMwXS8

Am I the last in the world to see this classic?

Woo woooo! -Bubb Rubb

[JimR]

thank you, Lance. Biggio is helpless.

[Bill McLuggage]

Jeezus...are they giving away triples to all in attendance today?

[JaneDoe]

Another lead off triple.  glafloomaflatchy

[Bill McLuggage]

Am I the last in the world to see this classic?

Woo woooo! -Bubb Rubb

Yes. You are.  But it's always worth a watch.

[Amy]

Jesus H. Christ.  Doesn't it seem like we've had an inordinate number of triples hit against us this season?  I'm sure the fielders have nothing to do with it.

[austro]

When Todd Helton "legs out" a triple, that's a clue.

[Bill McLuggage]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8

En-fucking-joy.

Yeah!!!

[JaneDoe]

Jesus H. Christ.  Doesn't it seem like we've had an inordinate number of triples hit against us this season?  I'm sure the fielders have nothing to do with it.

Nope. Not the fielders. The THROWERS.  D WARD would run to 3rd on that one, too.

[pravata]

I like how Hunter runs right to the base of the wall on every fly that hits the fence.  It's if he expects the ball to stick.

[JaneDoe]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8

En-fucking-joy.

Yeah!!!

Is Cabrera STILL a Brave?

[Bill McLuggage]

Is Cabrera STILL a Brave?

Aw really? When?

[JaneDoe]

And the Bork from Ork does it! 

[EasTexAstro]

I gotta say, that was nice: after a leadoff triple, no runs allowed.

[JaneDoe]

Aw really? When?

Some time around St. Patrick's day, I think.

[BUWebguy]

Jesus H. Christ.  Doesn't it seem like we've had an inordinate number of triples hit against us this season?  I'm sure the fielders have nothing to do with it.

T-8th in MLB (t-6th in NL)
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/stats/aggregate?statType=pitching&group=9&seasonType=2&type=exp1&sort=triples&split=0&season=2007

[Alkie]

I like how Hunter runs right to the base of the wall on every fly that hits the fence.  It's if he expects the ball to stick.

Why?  Did we stop using those velcro balls that you use to fuck with housecats?

[pravata]

Why?  Did we stop using those velcro balls that you use to fuck with housecats?

Like that.  Did they have velcro walls and balls in Corpus?  I dont think he was paying attention in high school physics. Vectors ya dumbass.  Also screen doors is how you fuck with cats.

[JaneDoe]

Aw really? When?

Found it.  http://www.orangewhoopass.com/forums/index.php?topic=100679.0  March 15.

[dirty steve]

luke hits it to taveras again...now batting .667 on the evening.

[otterjb]

Like that.  Did they have velcro walls and balls in Corpus?  I dont think he was paying attention in high school physics. Vectors ya dumbass.  Also screen doors is how you fuck with cats.

What's your vector victor, how bout clearance, clarance. Looks like a good night to be sniffing glue.

[Bill McLuggage]

Found it.  http://www.orangewhoopass.com/forums/index.php?topic=100679.0  March 15.

!
Some things you just never think you'll say...but... fuckin' Geezerdonk!

[Alkie]

We did Airplane! a month ago.

I think i need another.  who awants anither?

[dirty steve]

wow--what pitch was called there.  luke moves up on wild pitch.  AE with 2-2 count

[Bill McLuggage]

Adam Everett....sucking jsut enough to make a difference.

[JaneDoe]

Woohoo Everett!  And now the call to the bullpen.

[dirty steve]

perfect placement--pop fly 2B to right by everett.  hirsh removed, scott 3rd and AE 2nd. pitching chancge pending top 7th

[Bill McLuggage]

Are these Sonic guys going to try to adopt any time soon?

[CrashTest]

Few teams but the Astros could fall to score from second on a double...

[Bill McLuggage]

Nice job by FSN to find shots of all of Wandy's groupies for the mid-game rock 'n roll highlight reel.

Just remember, don't drink after them.

[dirty steve]

julio and his 8.40 era just entered the game,

[JaneDoe]

Few teams but the Astros could fall to score from second on a double...

There was the possibility it would be caught.  Surely you would not want him doubled off?

[dirty steve]

Few teams but the Astros could fall to score from second on a double...

maybe it had something to do with the RF having a chance to catch the ball

[Alkie]

Excellent.

[Bill McLuggage]

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

[JaneDoe]

DADGUMIT! Why try a squeeze THERE? STUPID YELLOW FACES STOP IT.

[dirty steve]

thanks for doing them a favor--scott tagged out on the blown squeeze...ausmus walks on next pitch.
Lamb ph'er--
hurdle going to pen, again.  probably unknown lefty to face Lamb.

[otterjb]

if you slo-mo dvr the fxsw intro to the return to the top of the 7th when julio enters, there're two incredible hot women doing stuff and with stuff



great balls of. balls

[Alkie]

This beere has an AVBV of 12.43%.

Deli? 

WE'RE DRIVIGN!

[CrashTest]

There was the possibility it would be caught.  Surely you would not want him doubled off?

This inning will have a single, WP, double and no runs scored....  Luke played it perfectly, but the linescore will look weird

[Alkie]

hjulio's wearing my numbe.r  you owe me a rolex. 

dubbel dubbel dubbel

[dirty steve]

if you slo-mo dvr the fxsw intro to the return to the top of the 7th when julio enters, there're two incredible hot women doing stuff and with stuff



great balls of. balls

think it was some mom-daughter nacho action.

[CrashTest]

Single, WP, double, walk.... and no runs scored.

[Bill McLuggage]

Don't take this shit from the Rockies.  They're grown men. Wearing purple. Fuck 'em.

[JaneDoe]

;QOFG VLZIUGH;AWROGHQ; GEBN;GYH'GYH/AIKJLSCVH/LWIKEGHVPILKNIHL

[Alkie]

;QOFG VLZIUGH;AWROGHQ; GEBN;GYH'GYH/AIKJLSCVH/LWIKEGHVPILKNIHL

Wanna do it?

[EasTexAstro]

;QOFG VLZIUGH;AWROGHQ; GEBN;GYH'GYH/AIKJLSCVH/LWIKEGHVPILKNIHL

amen

[Bill McLuggage]

It's On!

The Return of the Good Guys!

Let's Get Charged!

Who's up for some Denny's?

[dirty steve]

i see willy forgot his broken english on Houston.

[otterjb]

think it was some mom-daughter nacho action.

yup. that was the first one.

[CrashTest]

Single, WP, double, walk.... and no runs scored.

Told ya

[austro]

;QOFG VLZIUGH;AWROGHQ; P@RO;GYH'GYH/AIKJLSCVH/LWIKEGHVPILKNIHL

Fixed it for you.

[Bill McLuggage]

Fixed it for you.

Finally something someone here makes sense!

[Bill McLuggage]

Finally something someone here makes sense!

YOu know..I could edit to fix that...but I love irony too damn much.

Let's play two!

[Alkie]

I'm grad to seay I'm making others drunk yjust by typing on you.

[JaneDoe]

Fixed it for you.

Leave my GEBN alone.

[Alkie]

That swing and Allagash Dubbel made that look better than it was.

[Alkie]

Leave my GEBN alone.

I got dibs!  We're a thing now. 

[remy]

That was such a dumbfuck time to put the squeeze on. 

[Bill McLuggage]

I got dibs!  We're a thing now. 

Stock up on the antibiotics and chew toys.

[Alkie]

That was such a dumbfuck time to put the squeeze on. 

We'vre oalringedy up by 12.  what sod you care?

[Alkie]

Stock up on the antibiotics and chew toys.

Just because I gave your fiance what the kids are calling "the Wandys" doesn't mean I'm contagious.

[remy]

We'vre oalringedy up by 12.  what sod you care?

Thin air gettin' to ya?

[Alkie]

Office poolll1!!!!

Blown Save in the 8th goes to ______ on a ______ to ________.

I am willing to give ______ to Alkie.

[remy]

Office poolll1!!!!

Blown Save in the 8th goes to ______ on a ______ to ________.

I am willing to give ______ to Alkie.

Wheeler

Hanging Slider

Haupe

dirty sanchez

[Alkie]

dirty sanchez

Ok, dude, we need to talk.  With lots of people around.  I get to be armed.

[Frobie]

Since this game is obviously out-of-reach, I'd just like to say that the radio guys have been growing on me lately.  I listen to probably 1/3 of the games and watch the rest.  Honestly, the new folks didn't do much for me last year.  But they seem to have found their stride and work well together.  It's obvious how much more fun they have when out of Milo's shadow.  Not saying they will be remembered as the best ever, but I find myself more and more willing to have baseball on while I'm trying to get stuff done and seeing what they have to say.

Of course, we're lucky that we also have a solid TV crew, but (road) baseball on the radio = okay with me.  

[Bill McLuggage]

Whoa...

[JaneDoe]

GOOD!!!GET PISSED BERKMAN!! LIGHT A FIRE UNDER YOUR ASS!!!

[Bill McLuggage]

WHOA...

[Alkie]

I honestly don't believe what I just saw.  Even thought Rapuano is a joke.

[Anit]

lance berkman just went APESHIT

[remy]

Well that was worth the price of admission.

[Alkie]

Well that was worth the price of admission.

Totally.

I still don't believe it.

[Amy]

Good job by Twinkie getting thrown out after Lamb is already out of the game.  Hope that wakes his ass up anyway.

[Bill McLuggage]

Reason #598345 to put a mic on Berkman. Every. Game.

[remy]

Totally.

I still don't believe it.

My little sister's there, actually.  I bet she's calling my cell phone right about......


now.

[JaneDoe]

Totally.

I still don't believe it.

I don't think I've ever seen him do that.

[austro]

I hope Rapuano isn't behind the plate in this series. He's just the kind of dick that would carry that over to his strike zone.

[Alkie]

I hope Rapuano isn't behind the plate in this series. He's just the kind of dick that would carry that over to his strike zone.

He's not.  It moves clockwise.

[Alkie]

I don't think I've ever seen him do that.

I know for a fact, I haven't.

[loganck]

I don't understand how they can tell Garner he can't do the double switch.

[Amy]

He's not.  It moves clockwise.

Oh goodie, CB Bucknor tomorrow.

[Alkie]

Oh goodie, CB Bucknor tomorrow.

Yep.  Even worse.  Barely.

Does anyone else feel like we're winning?

[austro]

Oh goodie, CB Bucknor tomorrow.

It's like Russian Roulette. With only one empty chamber.

[homer]

Oh goodie, CB Bucknor tomorrow.

Err... 'Crap with Feet'

[JaneDoe]

Does anyone else feel like we're winning?

no.

[Alkie]

I'm just glad it's not a weekday.

If I had to wake up and go to work tomorrow...........

[remy]

Yep.  Even worse.  Barely.

Does anyone else feel like we're winning?

Just waiting for the bottom to drop.

[Bill McLuggage]

Prediction (barring suspension): Berkman 3-5 tomorrow - HR - 3 RBI

[Alkie]

Lance's post-game quote:

"I want to apologize, I really don't like to react like that.  Ed is a hamster fuck, and it WAS a cocksucking call, but I was wrong to throw shit on the field."

[Anit]

i really hope this is the turning point for lance..

[remy]

Prediction (barring suspension): Berkman 3-5 tomorrow - HR - 3 RBI

That would suck if his little extra equipment tosses at the end bought him a suspension.  Hopefully just a fine.

[homer]

Some 12-6 slider action from Lidge.

[CrashTest]

Rapuano is welcome to eat shit out of my dog's ass with a spoon.

[remy]

Clank Jr. out there

[Amy]

For the love of god...

[Bill McLuggage]

Rapuano is welcome to eat shit out of my dog's ass with a spoon.

Ladies and germs...CrashTest has arrived

[JaneDoe]

Triple-dee-doo-dah
Triple-dee-ay

[Alkie]

Ed Rapuano can eat the shit out of my peanuts.

[remy]

Ladies and germs...CrashTest has arrived

And quickly racking up his ignore count already.

[Bill McLuggage]

Ed Rapuano can eat the shit out of my peanuts.

The winner...and still champion...

[Amy]

That was impressive.  I do believe Mr. Lidge may have found the switch.

[remy]

That was impressive.  I do believe Mr. Lidge may have found the switch.

100%, but I'm still scared shitless to see what would happen if he were reinstated as closer.

[Bill McLuggage]

Quick poll:  Which Sonic couple would you rather force-feed Alkies shit-peanuts?

A) Gay couple fueled by lust
B) Married couple fueld by hate

[CrashTest]

And quickly racking up his ignore count already.

And you're welcome to eat shit out of my dog's ass too, fuckwad.

[Bench]

no.

Why not? This is Astros baseball.

[JaneDoe]

Ed Rapuano can eat the shit out of my peanuts.

"You've got your peanuts in my chocolate."
"You've got your chocolate on my peanuts."
Rapuano: "Yum"

[Lurch]

Lidge solid under pressure again!

The new Miller High Life commercial is the shit.

[Frobie]

And quickly racking up his ignore count already.

Heh.  To have only 5 posts and yet 3 members (heh heh... members) ignoring you...

Sounds like he's heading for a Spack-er-vention.

[Anit]

benches clear!

[JaneDoe]

Why not? This is Astros baseball.

I just have to keep checking the score to see if we are still winning.

[remy]

Welcome to the jungle, we got fun n' games...

[Amy]

What the fuck is that about?

[Frobie]

I heard that one clanking off the backstop on the radio.  Eek!

[Bill McLuggage]

If I get to see Jose Cruz throw a punch tonight, the 'Stros can lose every last game this year.  '07 will be remembered fondly.

[austro]

The new Miller High Life commercial is the shit.

"$11.50 for hamburger. Y'all must be crazy."  I love that.

[austro]

Carlos says "send that skinny little fuck over here and I'll snap him in half".

[Anit]

garner ejected

[JaneDoe]

Rapuano is BIGGER than the GAME. Or at least HE thinks so.

[remy]

FUCKING RIDUCLOUS ED.  WHERE IS THAT FUCKING SPOON.

[Bench]

garner ejected

It's the Rapuano show!

[CrashTest]

Heh.  To have only 5 posts and yet 3 members (heh heh... members) ignoring you...

Sounds like he's heading for a Spack-er-vention.

Can't stand intelligence, can you?

[Bill McLuggage]

Let's keep this (potential) win going just a little longer....

[Bench]

Rapuano is BIGGER than the GAME. Or at least HE thinks so.

Even CB Bucknor is shaking his head in disugust.

[austro]

Time to invoke the Joey Crawford rule for Rapuano.

[Amy]

Uh oh, Rockies announcers noticed Berkman was on the field when the benches cleared.  Think he'll get suspended for that since he'd been ejected already.

[pravata]

Chris Burke says "What the hell happened to you guys when I was gone?"

[JaneDoe]

Even CB Bucknor is shaking his head in disugust.

http://mlb.mlb.com/mlb/official_info/umpires/bio.jsp?id=2225

[Bill McLuggage]

Uh oh, Rockies announcers noticed Berkman was on the field when the benches cleared.  Think he'll get suspended for that since he'd been ejected already.

Berkman...alone...in the clubhouse...with the post-game buffet...

Lots of room service in Denver tonight.

[JaneDoe]

LLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Alkie]

HEY!!!!

[Anit]

now THAT must feel good for the team

[Amy]

LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE!!!!

[remy]

The Force is strong with this one.  The Dark Side shall not prevail tonight.

[austro]

Wait a minute: make sure Rapuano didn't call it foul!

[gwat]

Thank you, Luke.

[otterjb]

wow

[Alkie]

Oh...THAT Coors Field. 

[Frobie]

[obvious]I'm thinking that Luke Scott going on one of his rampages might be a good thing for this team.[/obvious]

[JSAstrosFan]

[obvious]I'm thinking that Luke Scott going on one of his rampages might be a good thing for this team.[/obvious]

heck ya!

[CrashTest]

Take that, Corp-ass

[remy]

This has shades of that wild game vs. Chicago late in '04 fired the team up for their historic run.

Then again, not really.

[Bill McLuggage]

Wheeler coming in?  In a game like this?

Hawpe better wear a cup.

[remy]

Bottom of the order. Good.

Don't do anything stupid, Wheels.

[Amy]

This has shades of that wild game vs. Chicago late in '04 fired the team up for their historic run.

Then again, not really.

I was just thinking about that.  It would be odd if it turned out to be the Rockies that lit a fire under the guys.

[homer]

JD- As Luke writes in his pitch log:

"Dear Diarie:

After my good buddy Carlos got drilled, I felt compelled to hit on into the seats to provide us with a little extra cushion.

See ya tomorrow,

Luke

PS Just to make it interesting, I hit this one to left field."

[CrashTest]

Something must have been going on between the fellow Panamanians we were not privvy to.

[Alkie]

Something must have been going on between the fellow Panamanians we were not privvy to.

Corpas has not been happy since Lee's coup overtook Corpas' communist dictatorship.  DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.

[Bill McLuggage]

JD- As Luke writes in his pitch log:

"Dear Diarie:

After my good buddy Carlos got drilled, I felt compelled to hit on into the seats to provide us with a little extra cushion.

See ya tomorrow,

Luke

PS Just to make it interesting, I hit this one to left field."

That's crap.  He's drawing his favorite My Little Pony.  (Baby Quackers - http://www.geocities.com/ginny_2001_2001/1986/1986.html#twins )

[homer]

That's crap.  He's drawing his favorite My Little Pony.  (Baby Quackers - http://www.geocities.com/ginny_2001_2001/1986/1986.html#twins )

OWA seems to have crashed that geocities site.

[austro]

Sweet! Let's hope that this is the kind of win that lights a fire under the good guys!

[otterjb]

if nothing else: a great fucking game

[Alkie]

I am forever something somthigne..  Yhank you all ofor letting me come voer and pee in your sink.

meet me aagin tomorow at the dli a nd hi er in th egz.

[JaneDoe]

if nothing else: a great fucking game

Yep.  Enjoyed it.

[Bill McLuggage]

11:00 on a weeknight and I'm Googling Baby Quackers...

http://www.aikarin.com/mlp/extras/babyquackers_ds.jpg

[Frobie]

Nice game, fun time in the GZ.  Appreciate all the PBP and other random shit.  

[Amy]

Well this was an interesting game.  The fallout may be more interesting.  I wonder if Lance will get suspended?  Both for the equipment throwing and returning to the field after being ejected.

[remy]

11:00 on a weeknight and I'm Googling Baby Quackers...

http://www.aikarin.com/mlp/extras/babyquackers_ds.jpg

strike 2

[CrashTest]

So, does Berkboy take his 3 game suspension while he sucks, or wait until he turns it around later in the year? I say we give Pence a look-see in the 3 hole (ie, best hitter on the team - hole)

[Bill McLuggage]

http://images.google.com/imghp?tab=wi

Type 'My Little Pony Baby Quackers'

It's so easy!  Trade them with your friends!

[homer]

http://images.google.com/imghp?tab=wi

Type 'My Little Pony Baby Quackers'

It's so easy!  Trade them with your friends!

Why was this going to be funny?

[Bill McLuggage]

No, not funny.  Just an excuse for me to promote My Little Pony.

[JaneDoe]

On the replay of Luke's homer, the majority of the people in the stands are clapping and jumping up and down, and alot of cheering in the background.  Are there that many Astros fans in Colorado?

[Alkie]

No, not funny.  Just an excuse for me to promote My Little Pony.

I'm gonna eat some right now.

[JaneDoe]

I'm gonna eat some right now.

got a plastic fetish?

[Bill McLuggage]

Who is Glenn Wilson?  Anyone?

[homer]

Who is Glenn Wilson?  Anyone?

A man who should have someone else dress him.

[remy]

Every time I see the replay of Lance's apeshittery, I'm loving it more and more.  This HAS to be the turning point for him.

[Frobie]

On the replay of Luke's homer, the majority of the people in the stands are clapping and jumping up and down, and alot of cheering in the background.  Are there that many Astros fans in Colorado?

I'm guessing they partook of the (actually pretty interesting) Coors brewery tour prior to the game.

[JaneDoe]

Every time I see the replay of Lance's apeshittery, I'm loving it more and more.  This HAS to be the turning point for him.

The radio guys were saying that the Astros were 19 - 9 and off to our best start ever when they went into Coors and the bottom fell out.  They were hoping that since the team is now 10 below .500 instead of 10 over, the opposite would happen and this team would get a kick start.   Or something like that.

[gwat]

More Glenn Wilson after the break? I wonder what's on DIY Blue?

[JimR]

Who is Glenn Wilson?  Anyone?

hard-hitting OFer for the Pirates. from the Houston area. may have finished up with the Astros, not sure

he was a very good player.

[Amy]

In the postgame press conference, Hurdle said he noticed that Berkman returned to the field and pointed it out to the umpires.

[JaneDoe]

hard-hitting OFer for the Pirates. from the Houston area. may have finished up with the Astros, not sure

he was a very good player.

Born in Baytown, I think.  I think we got  him  in a trade from the Pirates for Billy Hatcher in 89 or 90.

[Nate in IA]

Is there such a thing as a flash blizzard?

Yes.  I have personally experienced them.  At Coors Field even.

[Randy Watson]

This has shades of that wild game vs. Chicago late in '04 fired the team up for their historic run.

Then again, not really.

I was at Wrigley for all of those games.  My first time to Chicago.  Wheeler nails, I believe Sosa, on his first pitch as an Astro.  Roy gets into it with Barrett.  Great series we swept (4 games).

[Noe]

I was at Wrigley for all of those games.  My first time to Chicago.  Wheeler nails, I believe Sosa, on his first pitch as an Astro.  Roy gets into it with Barrett.  Great series we swept (4 games).

Dotted Derek Lee.  And eggszactly, it was a great series.  The ironic (that is so ironic) is that the scrubs actually hit 6 Astros players that series, and Houston dotted 4.  And Dusty Baker said that Houston was a bunch of bush leaguers who were head hunting that series.  Too funny.