Astros vs Snakes May 25, 2007

[JaneDoe]

Astros New and Improved Lineup:

Lamb    1B
Loretta  3B
Berkman RF
Lee       LF
Pence   CF
Biggio    2B
Ausmus   C
Everett  SS
Williams  P

Arizona

Byrnes  CF
Jackson 1B
Hudson  2B
Reynolds 3B
Drew SS
Hairston LF
Quentin  RF
Montero C
Gonzales P

[Twoniner]

I think this is definitely the best lineup we can field.  Biggio out of the leadoff, where he does nothing like a leadoff hitter and to the 6th hole where he can hit doubles and the occasional homer.   We get Lamb and Loretta in without taking out Everett, and try and get them on ahead of the sluggers.   Nice job Scraps.

[homer]

Dropping Biggio down is the first step. Switching Berkman and Pence will be next.

[dirty steve]

Dropping Biggio down is the first step. Switching Berkman and Pence will be next.

true.  the guys who are hitting can't knock anybody in if there isn't anybody on base.

[Lurch]

Footer on pre-game:
About a month ago we asked Garner if there would be any scenario where he would move Lance to the outfield and he said "only when things got really, really bad would I even consider it."

[Outlawscotty]

No way it's 101 degrees in AZ right now.  Unbelievable.  (According to Fox)
Gameday says 94

[gwat]

Did anyone else see that AE has 3 HR against this dude (according to the pregame f-shiz)? When did that happen?
AE actually OWNS someone. Fuckin' AAAAAAAAAA.
I'm watching it again just to purge the Twilite Zone music from my house.

[Amy]

It may be wrong, but I wish Lee wouldn't take chances like that this early in the game.  I'd just like to see some guys on base.  I don't think I could take seeing the third out made on a play like that.

[Anit]

PENCE!!!

i'll certainly take that

[JaneDoe]

PENCE!!! does not look that fast.

[Amy]

That was beautiful!!!  I love AE!!!

[dirty steve]

great f-ing play by AE on byrnes.

[dirty steve]

didnt know woody was working in a knuckler.

[MRaup]

Did anyone else see that AE has 3 HR against this dude (according to the pregame f-shiz)? When did that happen?
AE actually OWNS someone. Fuckin' AAAAAAAAAA.
I'm watching it again just to purge the Twilite Zone music from my house.

Well, I recommend you read this. You might've known that before the pregame f-shiz.

[JaneDoe]

Gameday has 4 balls.  No one on the field knows.

[MRaup]

Gameday has 4 balls.  No one on the field knows.

There is nothing more embarassing as an umpire than fucking up the count.

This early in this game, even worse.

Come on guys, you have a little black plastic clicker that keeps track of that stuff for you.

[JaneDoe]

And he grounds out on a 4-2 pitch.

[dirty steve]

JD just said Jackson isnt a great 4 ball hitter--classic.

[Amy]

That's a little bit of payback for the time in LA in 2004 when Opie got ball four that would've walked in a run, but somehow nobody noticed (except Vin Scully) and he ended up making an out.  IIRC, we lost the game by one run.

[Lurch]

That's a little bit of payback for the time in LA in 2004 when Opie got ball four that would've walked in a run, but somehow nobody noticed (except Vin Scully) and he ended up making an out.  IIRC, we lost the game by one run.

Best I can tell, Brad was the only one that thought it was 2-2.  He just earned a hit for WW.

[MRaup]

That's a little bit of payback for the time in LA in 2004 when Opie got ball four that would've walked in a run, but somehow nobody noticed (except Vin Scully) and he ended up making an out.  IIRC, we lost the game by one run.

Wow... digging a little deep for the payback angle...

Or maybe this umpire is just a douche nozzle?

[Limey]

Come on guys, you have a little black plastic clicker that keeps track of that stuff for you.

Is that how they keep count?  In cricket, I'd keep 6 coins or stones in my pocket, and move one at a time to the other pocket to track the balls in each over.  Of course, all the memory aides are great as long as you remember to do it on each delivery, and not do it twice.

[Amy]

Wow... digging a little deep for the payback angle...

Or maybe this umpire is just a douche nozzle?

Yeah, I know, but that was a very painful moment for me.  That was I believe the last series before the break, when Jimy Williams was fired because the team was so completely dead.

[Limey]

Yeah, I know, but that was a very painful moment for me.  That was I believe the last series before the break, when Jimy Williams was fired because the team was so completely dead.

Didn't those same Dodgers butt fuck the Giants at the end of that year to allow the Astros to slide into the WC spot?  Or maybe it was the other way around.

[Amy]

Didn't those same Dodgers butt fuck the Giants at the end of that year to allow the Astros to slide into the WC spot?  Or maybe it was the other way around.

Yeah, they did.  Finley's walkoff slam that capped off a seven run ninth inning comback against the Giants, the day before the last day of the season.

[MRaup]

Is that how they keep count?  In cricket, I'd keep 6 coins or stones in my pocket, and move one at a time to the other pocket to track the balls in each over.  Of course, all the memory aides are great as long as you remember to do it on each delivery, and not do it twice.

This one isn't black, but you get the idea.

http://www.ump-attire.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=BB-SS&Category_Code=BSA

[JaneDoe]

RR is playing Memphis tonight--their LF is Rick Ankiel--is he the former pitcher?

[Amy]

RR is playing Memphis tonight--their LF is Rick Ankiel--is he the former pitcher?

I believe so.  I think I heard this spring that he was with the Cards' AAA team--as an outfielder.

[Limey]

This one isn't black, but you get the idea.

http://www.ump-attire.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=BB-SS&Category_Code=BSA

Cool.  Looks like you can open a beer with it too.

[Limey]

I believe so.  I think I heard this spring that he was with the Cards' AAA team--as an outfielder.

Must keep the cut-off man on his toes.

[JaneDoe]

I believe so.  I think I heard this spring that he was with the Cards' AAA team--as an outfielder.

MLB.com does not have stats for him before 2006, but if you go to historical players and pull him up, same picture, but no stats on bio page.  Another page, no picture, but stats for 1999-2004.  Must be the same guy.

[MRaup]

Must keep the cut-off man on his toes.

Here's the throw in from left and... Woaaaah baby, look out in the parking lot.

[Amy]

Must keep the cut-off man on his toes.

HAHA!  I don't know if Ankiel's presence with their AAA club speaks more for Ankiel's talent or the lack thereof in the Cards' system.

[MRaup]

MLB.com does not have stats for him before 2006, but if you go to historical players and pull him up, same picture, but no stats on bio page.  Another page, no picture, but stats for 1999-2004.  Must be the same guy.

Its definately the same guy. He has been trying to make a comeback as an outfielder for the last 3 years or so.

[JaneDoe]

Must keep the cut-off man on his toes.

He just overthrew home to score Bruntlett from 1st on a single by Munson (moved to 2nd on the throw).

[MRaup]

Extra Extra, read all about it (sort of) here...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Ankiel

[Outlawscotty]

He just overthrew home to score Bruntlett from 1st on a single by Munson (moved to 2nd on the throw).

Just like clockwork....

[JaneDoe]

Here's the throw in from left and... Woaaaah baby, look out in the parking lot.

That's almost what Capps just said.

[Limey]

HAHA!  I don't know if Ankiel's presence with their AAA club speaks more for Ankiel's talent or the lack thereof in the Cards' system.

I think they're paying him a shit-load of money (to pitch), so they're just trying to get something - anything - for their outlay.

[Amy]

I think they're paying him a shit-load of money (to pitch), so they're just trying to get something - anything - for their outlay.

I don't think so.  After he made the change to position player, they re-signed him as a minor league free agent.  I'm pretty sure they're not paying him a lot.

[JaneDoe]

ok, my husband is watching ESPN right now.  They are talking about how Luis Castillo (Minnesota Twins) broke the consecutive errorless games streak by a second baseman (breaking Sandberg's record)  AND NO ONE NOTICED IT TILL A WEEK LATER.  He has 133 straight games without an error.

link:http://www.twincities.com/twins/ci_5953363

[Limey]

HAHA!  I don't know if Ankiel's presence with their AAA club speaks more for Ankiel's talent or the lack thereof in the Cards' system.

Meanwhile, their big club is putting together a furious comeback against the Gnats.

[Limey]

Anyone else see that bleached goon just get a foul ball off his chin (NTTAWW Balls on the chin).

[Limey]

Meanwhile, their big club is putting together a furious comeback against the Gnats.

Cool.  Anaheim Jimmy struck out and Molina GIDP'd to end the threat.  5-4 Gnats going to the 9th.  Bottom of the order due up for the Jakes.

[JaneDoe]

Woody and Everett had him OUT!  BAD CALL!

[Bill McLuggage]

What's with the ginger kid eating a hot dog?

[MRaup]

Talk about a bad luck base hit... Chopper that had double play written all over it, just in the hole and not at Everett.

[Amy]

What's with the ginger kid eating a hot dog?

I don't know, but I'd hate to be between that kid and the concession stand on dollar hot dog night.

[MRaup]

I don't know, but I'd hate to be between that kid and the concession stand on dollar hot dog night.

JD dropped the Boog Powell reference on him, too.

[gwat]

Well, I recommend you read this. You might've known that before the pregame f-shiz.

Well, Sh-fuck me. I forgot to ask my temps to peruse the site for important news before I made my first, redundant, observation. Being a happy Friday, I just lept into an equally happy thought with boundless energy, not thinking that others were worlds ahead, yawning. In observation of my shortcomings, I will submit a small shock of my nape hair, to whomever may require such, as an offering that, with its rendering to the earth, may hopefully quell the ever-rising nausea of the elders. I need a beer.

[Limey]

JD dropped the Boog Powell reference on him, too.

Yep.

[MRaup]

Well, Sh-fuck me. I forgot to ask my temps to peruse the site for important news before I made my first, redundant, observation. Being a happy Friday, I just lept into an equally happy thought with boundless energy, not thinking that others were worlds ahead, yawning. In observation of my shortcomings, I will submit a small shock of my nape hair, to whomever may require such, as an offering that, with its rendering to the earth, may hopefully quell the ever-rising nausea of the elders. I need a beer.

Simmer down, Potsy. I was just pimping my series preview.

[chuck]

What the hell is f-shiz? Sounds like something you might ought to medicate.

[Bill McLuggage]

BTW, travel time from San Antonio to Clear Lake today (from what my lady-friend tells me) - 7 hours.

[Limey]

What the hell is f-shiz? Sounds like something you might ought to medicate.

Hip-hop for "following through".

[MRaup]

Hip-hop for "following through".

Limey, your avatar creeps me the f-shiz out.

[Bill McLuggage]

Cripes, Limey.  That's a hell of a creepy avatar.  Care to explain?  Is that Hunter Pence in 30 years?

[MRaup]

Ol' Make-up Call Crawford strikes again.

[Limey]

Thanks Jerry

[Amy]

JD: "Two half swings equal a swing"

Gotta love JD.

[Bill McLuggage]

Limey, your avatar creeps me the f-shiz out.

The fact that we both said it at the same time is double-creepy.

[chuck]

Thanks, Jerry.

[Anit]

and the flood gates open..

[Amy]

Here we go again...

[MRaup]

Fantastic... The old "Get a call then blow it immediately after". Gets 'em every time.

[Outlawscotty]

BTW, travel time from San Antonio to Clear Lake today (from what my lady-friend tells me) - 7 hours.

WTF?

[JaneDoe]

Cripes, Limey.  That's a hell of a creepy avatar.  Care to explain?  Is that Hunter Pence in 30 years?

Yeah, I've been wondering too.

[Limey]

Cripes, Limey.  That's a hell of a creepy avatar.  Care to explain?  Is that Hunter Pence in 30 years?

It's either The Coach, Woody Williams or Catweazle.

[chuck]

Thanks Jerry

God damn it! I'm about 30 second behind you fuckers so you have to give me a fair shot at some of these.

[Bill McLuggage]

WTF?

Friday + Memorial Day + hazmat crew shutting down most of I-10 + several lanes on 45 closed + she drives scared

[Limey]

God damn it! I'm about 30 second behind you fuckers so you have to give me a fair shot at some of these.

Eat my dust.

[chuck]

F-shiz is not in the urban dictionary. I think you guys are just making shit up.

[Limey]

F-shiz is not in the urban dictionary. I think you guys are just making shit up.

Jay pizzle chu rizzle.

[chuck]

Jay pizzle chu rizzle.

Word.

[Bill McLuggage]

Well that does it.  I've got to fly Southwest to California.  

eta:  California and New Orleans are the only places anyone may travel. Ever.

[MRaup]

Well that does it.  I've got to fly Southwest to California. 

I liked that commercial a lot better when 1000 year old Clint Eastwood asked me if I felt lucky...

They must have a BEAST Come to Texas commercial in California. All those goddamn hippie assholes have moved to Austin.

[Bill McLuggage]

Anyone catch Lance Berkman 'In His Own Words'?  Great show.

[Jacksonian]

Well that does it.  I've got to fly Southwest to California.  

eta:  California and New Orleans are the only places anyone may travel. Ever.

Why the hell do I want to go to New Orleans?

[chuck]

Jay pizzle chu rizzle.

You know that Mark E. Smith text filter? The one-ah that makes everything-ah come out like this-ah?

I think you're using a Snoopy text filter.

[Bill McLuggage]

Why the hell do I want to go to New Orleans?

poo-smell

[chuck]

Why the hell do I want to go to New Orleans?

Get some benefit from your Malaria vaccination? Drink a 60-ounce beer? I don't know.

[Jacksonian]

You know that Mark E. Smith text filter? The one-ah that makes everything-ah come out like this-ah?

I think you're using a Snoopy text filter.

Naw.  That'd make everything come out "Wahwah. Wahwahwahwah."

[chuck]

Naw.  That'd make everything come out "Wahwah. Wahwahwahwah."

Snoopy, Puffy, I don't know who the fuck these people are.

[T. J.]

It's either The Coach, Woody Williams or Catweazle.

I see your Catwezle and raise you a Holly.

[Jacksonian]

I see your Catwezle and raise you a Holly.

Hot damn!  Where's a Sleestack(sp?) when you need one?

[T. J.]

poo-smell

See, I always think it's way more piss smell than poo.  But then again, I haven't been there since the hurricane.  Maybe poo took over.

[T. J.]

Surprised Mansolino didn't stop him after the same situation last night. 

[JaneDoe]

PENCE!!!

I hope I am typing that for many years to come.  Man, he has a quick bat.

[Limey]

That PENCE!!  RBI just makes me want to Dance!  Dance!  Dance!

[chuck]

With all due respect to Moises Alou, I think that Carlos might be the best pure hitting Astro of the last ten years.

[MRaup]

Surprised Mansolino didn't stop him after the same situation last night. 

Not quite the same.

The ball was already on its way in as Lee rounded 3rd when he was out by 50 feet the other night.

[chuck]

That PENCE!!  RBI just makes me want to Dance!  Dance!  Dance!

Do you get to choose your own song?

[MRaup]

That PENCE!!  RBI just makes me want to Dance!  Dance!  Dance!

Oh... Noes.

That is about 5x scarier than your avatar.

[JaneDoe]

I see your Catwezle and raise you a Holly.

I see your Holly and raise you a Witchie-poo.

[T. J.]

That PENCE!!  RBI just makes me want to Dance!  Dance!  Dance!

Limeypalooza is the shaziit.

[MRaup]

DON'T TAKE FAT FASTBALLS! GOD DAMNIT BRAD.

[Limey]

Do you get to choose your own song?

There's a fairly large list of palooza performers from which to choose.

[Limey]

Thanks Jerry

[T. J.]

DON'T TAKE FAT FASTBALLS! GOD DAMNIT BRAD.

Eeeeeeeehhhhh..  It wasn't THAT fat.,  Pretty high, actually.

[MRaup]

What a fantastic approach with the tying run on first, Brad. Nicely done.

Take a fat one.
A day behind another fat one.
Miserable check strike 3.

[chuck]

DON'T TAKE FAT FASTBALLS! GOD DAMNIT BRAD.

You really wanted him to swing at that one and ground into a double play?

[MRaup]

Eeeeeeeehhhhh..  It wasn't THAT fat.,  Pretty high, actually.

It was straight as an arrow and down the fucking middle.

Thats the best you're going to get from Juan Cruz.

[MRaup]

You really wanted him to swing at that one and ground into a double play?

I wanted him to take that inside out swing and line it into the RF corner.

[Jacksonian]

Pinch hit for with at least 3 innings to go.  Some might say that Everett is outing his way out of the starting lineup.

[MRaup]

Pinch hit for with at least 3 innings to go.  Some might say that Everett is outing his way out of the starting lineup.

I would think more along the lines of Garner realizes this will be THE chance to have a big inning, and it happens that our weakest/slumpiest non Berkman hitter is up. Desperate times.

[T. J.]

Those weren't even close.  Four terrible pitches.

[Jacksonian]

C'mon Luke!

[Limey]

Beam them up, Scotty!

Wrong nerdference?

[Limey]

That commercial makes me want to have a four-hour erection.

[MRaup]

You really wanted him to swing at that one and ground into a double play?

Also, in response to this.

Taking strikes, especially strike three, is the worst possible thing that can happen. Putting the ball in play has a lot more chances for something good to happen than taking strike 3. The only things that could happen when you take strike three are the catcher drops it and it rolls to the wall and you get to first. Or Angel Hernandez is behind the plate and calls it a ball and ejects everyone in a 3 mile radius in the other team's uniform.

[Jacksonian]

I would think more along the lines of Garner realizes this will be THE chance to have a big inning, and it happens that our weakest/slumpiest non Berkman hitter is up. Desperate times.

Perhaps.  I hear others saying that Everett might maybe start being used by Garner as a late inning defensive replacement.

[Jacksonian]

That commercial makes me want to have a four-hour erection.

Don't need a commercial for that.  Just one good thought does the trick.

Um, TMI?

[Limey]

Shit fuck.

Hit the phones Purp!

[T. J.]

Well goddamn.  What the fuck is teletype??

[MRaup]

Perhaps.  I hear others saying that Everett might maybe start being used by Garner as a late inning defensive replacement.

Ugh. The rest of the team except Los is in a funk and AE gets punished for it. Super.

ETA: And PENCE!!!

[chuck]

Also, in response to this.

Taking strikes, especially strike three, is the worst possible thing that can happen. Putting the ball in play has a lot more chances for something good to happen than taking strike 3. The only things that could happen when you take strike three are the catcher drops it and it rolls to the wall and you get to first. Or Angel Hernandez is behind the plate and calls it a ball and ejects everyone in a 3 mile radius in the other team's uniform.

I don't understand his plate approach. He gets an awful lot of first pitch FBs for strikes, and he nearly always takes them. His "inside out swing" is tentative and weak and sure, he can occasionally shoot one down the RFL, but more often he grounds into a 4-6-3.

He's got a pretty nice swing when he extends. I don't understand why he doesn't go to the plate sitting red first pitch and get started early and if he gets a fat FB try to extend on it and hammer it.

[Jacksonian]

Shit fuck.

Hit the phones Purp!

I've already told him what to do.  Let's see if the Injuns and Royals cooperate.

[JaneDoe]

Ugh. The rest of the team except Los is in a funk and AE gets punished for it. Super.

ETA: And PENCE!!!

I was just about to remind you of the new guy, when you edited him in.

[Limey]

In 6 innings, 6 hits, a couple of walks and an error = 2 runs.

That's bollocks that is.

[chuck]

Don't need a commercial for that.  Just one good thought does the trick.

Um, TMI?

So I guess you really don't need to go to New Orleans.

[Jacksonian]

Ugh. The rest of the team except Los is in a funk and AE gets punished for it. Super.

ETA: And PENCE!!!

Well I'm not saying it.  Just others.  You know, them.

[Amy]

FUCK!  I've seen way too damn many triples hit by our opponents lately.

[MRaup]

The Astros need to practice getting Biggio NOT involved in cutoff throws.

God, I could fart a ball harder than his throw to 3rd.

Not that it would've been close anyway.

Pence was completely fooled by that ball.

[TheWizard]

Nothing beats hearing J.D. ramble about how Pence may look lanky with his jersey on, but he is BUFF.

[MRaup]

FUCK!  I've way too damn many triples hit by our opponents lately.

Its called hitting the ball with authority.

The Astros forgot how to do it about 2 weeks ago.

[MRaup]

Twinkie is a ballerina!

[Jacksonian]

Its called hitting the ball with authority.

The Astros forgot how to do it about 2 weeks ago.

Forgot?  I thought the Reds bullpen forced them to.

[Amy]

Its called hitting the ball with authority.

The Astros forgot how to do it about 2 weeks ago.

Twinkie forgot how about two months ago.  Would it help if Gar took a bat and beat him about the head with it?

[T. J.]

Ok, so this ballpark and Detroit (any others?) have the retro dirt trail from the mound to the plate.  Is there ANY reason this is there?  I can think of no reason, offensively or defensively where this would do anything.

[Limey]

Twinkie is a ballerina!

Yep.

[The Spleen]

Ok, so this ballpark and Detroit (any others?) have the retro dirt trail from the mound to the plate.  Is there ANY reason this is there?  I can think of no reason, offensively or defensively where this would do anything.

It's just there for looks. Sort of like our #3 hitter...

[MRaup]

Yep.

Jesus Limey...

You're on a roll.

[austro]

Yep.

How the hell do you do that so fast?

[mihoba]

Good decision Garner, leave White out there to take a drubbing.

[JaneDoe]

It's just there for looks. Sort of like our #3 hitter...

Looks?  FAT Elvis?

[Limey]

Jesus Limey...

You're on a roll.

On my laptop at home.  No fun filter, no one else sucking up my bandwidth and no one telling me that it's inappropriate to be drinking.

[Limey]

How the hell do you do that so fast?

That's just what Mrs Limey says.

[T. J.]

Well poop on a pringle.

[chuck]

Remember when the Astros' pitching was really good but the offense wasn't scoring any runs? Well, now the team is more well-rounded.

[MRaup]

Just for fun... Assuming you subscribe to the idea that a hitter would've done the same thing at a different point in the order.

 - M. Lamb flied out to deep left
- M. Loretta singled to right center
- L. Berkman struck out swinging
- C. Lee doubled to center, M. Loretta to third
- H. Pence singled to third, M. Loretta scored, C. Lee to third
- C. Biggio fouled out to first

That is the top of the first inning for the Good Guys.

 - M. Lamb flied out to deep left
- M. Loretta singled to right center
- H. Pence singled to third, M. Loretta to second.
- C. Lee doubled to center, M. Loretta to scored, H. Pence scored.
- L. Berkman struck out swinging
- C. Biggio fouled out to first

If Berkman and Pence were flipped.

[Jacksonian]

Well poop on a pringle.

That's alright. [carey]Get a double play here.  Then come back with a few singles, a few doubles, and a homer and we're right back in it.[/carey]

[dirty steve]

Good decision Garner, leave White out there to take a drubbing.

Moehler HAS pitched two days in a row.

[Amy]

Christ, somebody beat me about the head with a bat for watching this crap.

[mihoba]

What a fucking joke. Garner is a hard headed bastard.

[Limey]

This is beyond embarrassing.

[MRaup]

FUCK!  I've seen way too damn many triples hit by our opponents lately.

No *NOW* you've seen too many triples hit by our opponents lately.

[Matt]

Okay so catch me up to speed.  It looks like this team still sucks balls.  Anything else I miss?

[Jacksonian]

Cubtacular.

[austro]

Okay so catch me up to speed.  It looks like this team still sucks balls.  Anything else I miss?

They simultaneously such AND blow. That's not an easy feat.

[dirty steve]

...and right when i thought we had a leg up on pitcher's with RBI's in this eries.

[JaneDoe]

Christ, somebody beat me about the head with a bat for watching this crap.

Sometimes I wish I didn't love watching the Astros so much.  This just hurts.  I can't imagine how Cubbies fans feel.

[chuck]

Outscored 50-7 since the last win. With what, one out in the sixth? Wow.

[T. J.]

This was a great week for my wife and daughter to leave town so I could watch all the late games in their entirety.

[chuck]

I can't imagine how Cubbies fans feel.

Fuck the Cubs fans.

[MRaup]

Notice Lee SCREAMING "I got it!" to fend off PENCE!!!

[Matt]

Wait so what the fuck happened about a week ago?  They look like garbage again.

[Alkie]

I'm watching the Cubs and Dodgers in HD.  Vin Scully is calling the game.

It's MUCH easier to watch.

[MRaup]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

DRILL SOMEONE!

START A FIGHT!

SACRIFICE Jason Lane to JoBu...

Fuck.

[MRaup]

Night y'all. I can't take any more of this.

[T. J.]

JD says they're like a slo-pitch softball game.  can't add anything to that.

[Alkie]

Ok, so because it is obvious that "something" will be done soon because Drayton doesn't like to be viewed as "not trying"...who gets axed tomorrow?

Who gets traded tomorrow?

Who gets sent down tomorrow?

[Frobie]

Reynolds just needs a single and a double and he has the cycle in this inning.

[dirty steve]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

DRILL SOMEONE!

START A FIGHT!

SACRIFICE Jason Lane to JoBu...

Fuck.

so he takes the place of the live chicken?

[The Spleen]

I can't recall a worse stretch of Astros baseball, ever. Not even during the the 2004-2005 tombstone runs or legitimately bad seasons like 1991 or 2000. It's not just the quantity of losses... it's the quality. The Astros look like they're out of their depth... just plain overmatched. As if the whole team came down with some horrible flu strain and all of Round Rock had to be called up to replace them for two weeks...
Ands this against average teams. Imagine what this would look like against the Mets or Red Sox...

[Alkie]

so he takes the place of the live chicken?

"takes the place"?

[austro]

That's all I can take. I'm going to bed: I've got to get up in the morning and try to dillo-proof my deck. Bastards are burrowing under the steps, and then coming out at night and tearing up the yard. In true Astros fashion I'll probably trap one under the deck, and he'll rot and stink up the joint.

[dirty steve]

"takes the place"?

guess the live chicken doesn't stare at his prodigious warning track power.

[JaneDoe]

That's all I can take. I'm going to bed: I've got to get up in the morning and try to dillo-proof my deck. Bastards are burrowing under the steps, and then coming out at night and tearing up the yard. In true Astros fashion I'll probably trap one under the deck, and he'll rot and stink up the joint.

I swore you wrote dildo-proof.   I actually had to go back and reread it.  This bad baseball has made me goofy.

[Alkie]

This team sucks on ice.  Fuck "this guy ain't hitting" or "that guy ain't pitching well".  It's fucking Memorial Day now. 

Time to make some actual moves.  This 25-man ain't going anywhere.

[Matt]

I can't recall a worse stretch of Astros baseball, ever. Not even during the the 2004-2005 tombstone runs or legitimately bad seasons like 1991 or 2000. It's not just the quantity of losses... it's the quality. The Astros look like they're out of their depth... just plain overmatched. As if the whole team came down with some horrible flu strain and all of Round Rock had to be called up to replace them for two weeks...
Ands this against average teams. Imagine what this would look like against the Mets or Red Sox...

Except the last guy called up from Round Rock is the only motherfucker hitting

[T. J.]

Chad Qualls likes to get drunk and stink up his surrounding area.

[JaneDoe]

Chad Qualls likes to get drunk and stink up his surrounding area.

With the Babe.

[T. J.]

I swore you wrote dildo-proof.   I actually had to go back and reread it.  This bad baseball has made me goofy.

How would you dildo-proof your deck anyway?  Would you want to?

[Jacksonian]

Except the last guy called up from Round Rock is the only motherfucker hitting

Actually, the last guy called up from RR went a scoreless inning and K'd 2.

[Amy]

Sometimes I wish I didn't love watching the Astros so much.  This just hurts.  I can't imagine how Cubbies fans feel.

I know how you feel.  It's just not in me to quit watching or give up on them, no matter how badly it hurts.

[Matt]

Actually, the last guy called up from RR went a scoreless inning and K'd 2.

I almost specified who I meant but I'm too disgusted.

[Alkie]

Not to worry, with a loss tomorrow and Cardinal and Pirate wins, we can fall back safely into 5th place with all the pressures of figuring out whether we want to take Durant or Oden with our pick.

[JaneDoe]

Hey--Berkman actually swings at the first pitch and gets a totally meaningless single.

[dirty steve]

that hit makes Berkman 10 for his last 52, ber Brownie.

[JaneDoe]

Not to worry, with a loss tomorrow and Cardinal and Pirate wins, we can fall back safely into 5th place with all the pressures of figuring out whether we want to take Durant or Oden with our pick.

Damn.  I thought we took Vince Young.

[Jacksonian]

I almost specified who I meant but I'm too disgusted.

Your personal grooming is of no concern to me.

[Alkie]

Damn.  I thought we took Vince Young.

Why must you make me cry?

[Jacksonian]

Well, I think I'll join the Astros and quit on this game. Nite.

[Limey]

I can't believe there's two (one and a half, most likely) innings of this shit to go.  This game's been a life sentence.

[JaneDoe]

Why must you make me cry?

I thought this game already had you crying.

[dirty steve]

Damn.  I thought we took Vince Young.

ahhh--his holiness makes an appearance.  nice to see how vince handles playing two way along with WR this year.

[JaneDoe]

Lane replaces Lee.  Even Garner has quit this game.

[dirty steve]

Lane enters in RF and OP moves to RF.  not that we hadnt completely given up already.

[Alkie]

I thought this game already had you crying.

I wasn't joking, I started watching the Cubs and Dodgers in HD w/ Vin Scully when it was 6-2.  Watching the Astros get blasted by mediocre teams is boring the shit out of me.

[dirty steve]

I wasn't joking, I started watching the Cubs and Dodgers in HD w/ Vin Scully when it was 6-2.  Watching the Astros get blasted by mediocre teams is boring the shit out of me.

extra innings package?

[The Spleen]

They look like cupcakes. Cupcakes. Like when Appalachian State or IIT Madras or Visible Changes University or Little Stepsisters of the Poor or who the fuck ever has to go to UT or Ohio State and get tooled like a prom queen at a biker rally so they can afford a new salad bar in the faculty club or something...

This is a major league ballclub.
Major fucking league.
These guys were in the goddamned World Series less than two years ago.
I must concur with Noe.
Have.
Some.
Fucking.
Pride.

Fuck.
Speaking of football... looks like that season's starting early...

[Alkie]

extra innings package?

EI with the HD add-on.

[Amy]

Lane replaces Lee.  Even Garner has quit this game.

I think he did that when he left Rick White in there far too long.

[chuck]

Vin Scully is a national treasure. They are not going to make any more like him.

This is the first year in a long time that I do not have Extra Innings. I miss spending my late evenings with Vincent and the Trolley Dodgers. Especially when Milton Bradley was with the club. Always something good happening with that nut job.

[Alkie]

Man, I hope Gar doesn't get fired.

I fear the replacement.

[chuck]

How many more will they score? They have six outs. Two on now, at least in my time zone.

[mihoba]

I think he did that when he left Rick White in there far too long.

After that fat 0-2 pitch to make it 5-2, he left him in there for 4 more hits and and a walk. No excuse.

Show Garner the fuckin' door, that's about where I am on this.

[T. J.]

Good night any of you masochists that are left.

[BatGirl]

if i continue to watch this game does that make me a die-hard fan or a masochist?  just checking, because it's late and the lines are starting to get blurry

[Amy]

Man, I hope Gar doesn't get fired.

I fear the replacement.

I think more likely is Sean Berry finds himself the third Astros hitting coach in four years to get canned.

[dirty steve]

Man, I hope Gar doesn't get fired.

I fear the replacement.

me too--prolly whatever ex-Astro still trolling around the Woodlands area...

[mihoba]

Man, I hope Gar doesn't get fired.

I fear the replacement.

Bagwell! hahaha

[chuck]

Bagwell! hahaha

That would be one hell of a pay cut.

[Alkie]

Show Garner the fuckin' door, that's about where I am on this.

Why?  It's not his fault.  And in any case, who will you replace him with that will do "better" with this cast of layabouts and ne'erdowells?

[dirty steve]

the guy who threw a complete game last night is getting ready to pinch hit, great.

at least we only have one Cy Young winner going against us this series.

[Amy]

Gee, it sure is a good thing we missed Randy Johnson in this series.

[JaneDoe]

Why?  It's not his fault.  And in any case, who will you replace him with that will do "better" with this cast of layabouts and ne'erdowells?

Vince Lombardi?

[The Spleen]

Man, I hope Gar doesn't get fired.

I fear the replacement.

Or he doesn't just do the Jim Mora/Jeff Van Gundy goodbye cruel world thing...
As for a replacement? Conventional wisdom states that you need a real redass to wake up a team in a funk. I'm not sure where you'd find an ass red enough to shake this mess up. Uday Hussein is still dead, right?

[dirty steve]

Why?  It's not his fault.  And in any case, who will you replace him with that will do "better" with this cast of layabouts and ne'erdowells?

forgot rapscallions.

[Limey]

How many more will they score? They have six outs. Two on now, at least in my time zone.

They pinhc hit with last night's pitcher.  That's taking the piss.

[dirty steve]

Or he doesn't just do the Jim Mora/Jeff Van Gundy goodbye cruel world thing...
As for a replacement? Conventional wisdom states that you need a real redass to wake up a team in a funk. I'm not sure where you'd find an ass red enough to shake this mess up. Uday Hussein is still dead, right?

Pol Pot?

[mihoba]

Why?  It's not his fault.  And in any case, who will you replace him with that will do "better" with this cast of layabouts and ne'erdowells?

I'm just tying out my ass. But, I'll bet Berry and Wallace will get the axe soon.

[chuck]

They pinhc hit with last night's pitcher.  That's taking the piss.

"R'yoo 'avin a larf? R'yoo 'avin a LARF???"

[The Spleen]

They pinch hit with last night's pitcher.  That's taking the piss.

Section 340, Row Y, Seat 14... Congratulations! You're pitching tonight's American Express Ninth Inning!

[mihoba]

12-2 and pigpen still busts his ass down the line.

[Limey]

Funny.  Watching someone suck hard used to mean a good Friday night.

Oh well.  I'm done.

[Alkie]

I'm just tying out my ass. But, I'll bet Berry and Wallace will get the axe soon.

I honestly can't believe Berry is still under employment.  If you consider how they let Gaetti go (still a mistake)........

[Amy]

12-2 and pigpen still busts his ass down the line.

He can't help himself.  Like a couple of years ago when he took out Freel at second to break up a game-ending double play with the Astros down 9-0.  Just the way he's built.

[JaneDoe]

He can't help himself.  Like a couple of years ago when he took out Freel at second to break up a game-ending double play with the Astros down 9-0.  Just the way he's built.

I've wondered how he'll cope when he finally hangs it up. 

[dirty steve]

does reynolds have RBI than our entire team on this trip?

[JaneDoe]

Reynolds es en fuego.

Wish we had a 3B that was.

[Amy]

I've wondered how he'll cope when he finally hangs it up. 

Maybe Patty will get a job just to keep him from having any time on his hands.

[Amy]

Looks like Lamb wants this game to hurry up and end.

[The Spleen]

Reynolds es en fuego.

Wish we had a 3B that was.

That's easy enough.
Ever heard of the Spanish Inquisition?

[mihoba]

Outscored 53-7 in the last 6 games.

[Frobie]

Was that an Ausmus-to-Everett-to-Qualls DP or did I drink more Shiner 98 than is good for me?!

[Navin R Johnson]

This team fucking SUCKS right now.   This is as bad as I have ever seen any team play.  Fucking pathetic.

[Amy]

Was that an Ausmus-to-Everett-to-Qualls DP or did I drink more Shiner 98 than is good for me?!

Couldn't be Everett, Gar hit for him a long time ago.  Must have been Loretta.  It was Ausmus that started it.

[JaneDoe]

Was that an Ausmus-to-Everett-to-Qualls DP or did I drink more Shiner 98 than is good for me?!

Ausmus-Loretta-Qualls

[Amy]

Well that was useful Mo.

[Anit]

holy god ensberg crushed that ball

[Frobie]

Couldn't be Everett, Gar hit for him a long time ago.  Must have been Loretta.  It was Ausmus that started it.

Ah, you're right.  I'm listening to the radio but I do remember that now that you mention it.

[JaneDoe]

Ensberg homers.  Big whoop. 

[Zac D]

Don't touch Morgan right now, he's HOT HOT HOT

THREE GAME HITTING STREAK

[JaneDoe]

Don't touch Morgan right now, he's HOT HOT HOT

THREE GAME HITTING STREAK

Hey--we have 3 hits THIS INNING!

[Amy]

Knew I could count on Lane for a long flyout.

[Navin R Johnson]

Maybe that will upgrade Ensbergs trade value from week old german shepard shit, to 3 day old cat vomit.

[JaneDoe]

It's over.
Sad eyes turn the other way
I don't wanna see you cry.

[The Spleen]

THREE GAME HITTING STREAK

Oh no, they say he's got to go
Go go Bergzilla, yeah
Oh no, there goes Joltin' Joe
Go go Bergzilla, yeah

History shows again and again
How nature points up the folly of men
Bergzilla!

[homer]

I'm just tying out my ass. But, I'll bet Berry and Wallace will get the axe soon.

The pitching has been very good up until about a week ago. Wallace doesn't go anywhere unless Garner gets the axe.

Which is probably any day now.

[Alkie]

If they fire Garner, the season is over. 

They won't do better.  It would be a huge HUGE mistake.  Purpura wants to hang on to a bunch of shit because he drafted them or breastfed them or whatever it was, fine.  Then fire him.

This team needs a goddamn RF who can fucking hit.  Or keep Lance out there, Lamb at 1st, plan on Loretta at 2nd once Bidge gets 3000, and get a fucking 3B who can hit.

Way, WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too many holes in this lineup.

[Frobie]

I'm watching the Cubs and Dodgers in HD.  Vin Scully is calling the game.

It's MUCH easier to watch.

Actually, this may end up being the most insightful post of the night.  Great game, and it's still going. 

[Noe]

This team sucks on ice.  Fuck "this guy ain't hitting" or "that guy ain't pitching well".  It's fucking Memorial Day now. 

Time to make some actual moves.  This 25-man ain't going anywhere.

Agreed

[Noe]

12-2 and pigpen still busts his ass down the line.

THAT was the play of the game in my book.  He showed the team (not told the team) "I ain't out here half-stepping boys... who is with me!".  I bet anything at least one or two guys said "Hey, look at the old man run... hot damn!"

They should be totally embarrassed, not by the score... but by their effort.  Friday night, it was the pitchers turn to just not compete. (Oh, and move Berkman out of the three hole please!)

[pravata]

THAT was the play of the game in my book.  He showed the team (not told the team) "I ain't out here half-stepping boys... who is with me!".  I bet anything at least one or two guys said "Hey, look at the old man run... hot damn!"

They should be totally embarrassed, not by the score... but by their effort.  Friday night, it was the pitchers turn to just not compete. (Oh, and move Berkman out of the three hole please!)

The Biggio Haters, they know who they are, might say that Biggio has something personal to gain on every atbat.  However, he didn't just start with this attitude.  It's the reason he has something to compete for on every atbat.