Holy Shit! 9:15pm? Fucking Giants vs Astros

[Alkie]

I hate ESPN.  Does anyone on Earth give a shit about the 4th place vs 1st place game going on right now in NY?

[homer]

I hate ESPN.  Does anyone on Earth give a shit about the 4th place vs 1st place game going on right now in NY?

Did you want Nats at Redlegs?

[JaneDoe]

I hate ESPN.  Does anyone on Earth give a shit about the 4th place vs 1st place game going on right now in NY?

Sure, I want the Yankees to lose.  Any and every game they play.

[ValpoCory]

Sure, I want the Yankees to lose.  Any and every game they play.

There's a chance the Astros and Red Sox will make the postseason and the Yankees are at home. 

[Alkie]

Did you want Nats at Redlegs?

I would rather watch ANY National League game over Yankees/RedSox.  Throw in that one of those NL teams is in my division?  No question.  Don't even have to think about it.

I'd rather watch the Pirates play the Nats than watch the fucking RedSox play the Yanks tonight.

[remy]

anyone know if time warner austin is carrying this one?

[ValpoCory]

anyone know if time warner austin is carrying this one?

Yes.  Ch 77

[ValpoCory]

Houston
C. Biggio 2b    .240    
M. Loretta 3b    .338    
L. Berkman 1b    .272    
C. Lee lf    .311    
H. Pence cf    .364    
J. Lane rf    .194    
B. Ausmus c    .264    
A. Everett ss    .190    
C. Sampson p    .154    
 
 San Francisco
R. Winn cf    .327    
R. Klesko 1b    .272    
R. Aurilia 3b    .248    
B. Bonds lf    .292    
R. Durham 2b    .261    
B. Molina c    .299    
F. Lewis rf    .308    
O. Vizquel ss    .239    
N. Lowry p    .111    
 

[Alkie]

1-5, yes yes yes.
6-9, not so much.

I hope Pence is feeling doublish at worst tonight.

[ValpoCory]

1-5, yes yes yes.
6-9, not so much.

I hope Pence is feeling doublish at worst tonight.

I'm kinda surprised to see Biggio in there against Lowry, who he struggles mightily against.

[homer]

1-5, yes yes yes.
6-9, not so much.

I hope Pence is feeling doublish at worst tonight.

Lane is due.

[Alkie]

J. Lane rf    .194    

I've not really felt the need to pile on Lane this year, mostly I guess because he hasn't played all that much.

This was, if I heard right, Lane's last last last chance, right?

.194 on/around Memorial Day? 

Time to let him go, gentlemen.  Time to let him go.  He's wasting a roster spot for Chris Burke, who I'm no fan of, but who is light years more valuable than Lane.

[Alkie]

Lane is due.

You better be right, MillerLite.

[homer]

I've not really felt the need to pile on Lane this year, mostly I guess because he hasn't played all that much.

This was, if I heard right, Lane's last last last chance, right?

.194 on/around Memorial Day? 

Time to let him go, gentlemen.  Time to let him go.  He's wasting a roster spot for Chris Burke, who I'm no fan of, but who is light years more valuable than Lane.

Lane's outfield defense, and the fact that he would have to clear waivers, is why he isn't wasting Burke's roster spot.

[Mr. Happy]

I've not really felt the need to pile on Lane this year, mostly I guess because he hasn't played all that much.

This was, if I heard right, Lane's last last last chance, right?

.194 on/around Memorial Day? 

Time to let him go, gentlemen.  Time to let him go.  He's wasting a roster spot for Chris Burke, who I'm no fan of, but who is light years more valuable than Lane.

I'm not bashful. I'll pile on Lame. He sucks donkey dicks. Why does Scrap Iron run him out there?

[Alkie]

Lane's outfield defense, and the fact that he would have to clear waivers, is why he isn't wasting Burke's roster spot.

Fuck waivers.  Release his ass.

[Mr. Happy]

Fuck waivers.  Release his ass.

Amen

[mihoba]

Lane's been bailing on every swing, producing prodigious pop ups.

We will see if Berry has worked with him or not. He has to start producing or Scott will win the full time job.

[Alkie]

According to ESPN stats, there are 40 major leaguers with 50 PAs as a RF this year.

Jason Lane is 39rd in BA and 39rd in OPS.

Let.  Him.  Go.  How many fucking "chances" does he really get and why?  I'd rather see Bruntlett.

[mihoba]

Who is 40th?

[Craig]

Oh man I love these HD broadcasts.

[homer]

Bidge goes 2-1. 2-2 on a foul chop to 3rd. 3-2 on a high change. BB for Bidge on a high fastball.

[Anit]

of course FSNHD isnt showing the game in HD right now, im getting the multicolored bars..but why would they show it in hd, its only sitting there on the channel guide..

[MRaup]

Lane annoys the shit out of me too, but if you really need me to diagram it out for you...

As outfielders...

Lane brings to the table:

Good defense.
Good arm.
Serious potential pop.

Bruntlett brings to the table:

Good defense.
Okay arm.
Not much pop, potential or otherwise.

Burke brings to the table:

Shitty defense.
Horrid arm.
Some pop, potentially.

[Alkie]

Who is 40th?

Sammy Soozer.

[homer]

Loretta gets a FB up and away for ball 1. Change gets the upper outside corner, 1-1. Fouls a FB, 1-2. Sharp curve in the dirt, 2-2. GIDP, 5-4-3.

[Craig]

I'm getting it on Dish 366.

Goddamn double play.

[remy]

gdgidp.

[Alkie]

Lane brings to the table:
Serious potential pop.

Please.  Lane only brings serious potential pop in the same sense that I have the serious potential to knock up Jennifer Aniston.  I have the tools and know how to use them, but the odds of it actually coming to fruition...not very good.

[homer]

Lance from the right side, goes 0-2. Watches a FB on the inner third above the knees for the K.

Mid 1, 0-0.

[remy]

god damn these west coast game... i doubt i'll stay away through 4 innings.

[Alkie]

Lance from the right side, goes 0-2. Watches a FB on the inner third above the knees for the K.

Mid 1, 0-0.

Well, in fairness, he did stop to complain about the ump calling the pitch right down the middle a strike.

[MRaup]

I swear to god...

STOP FUCKING TAKING STRIKE 3!

[Craig]

Please.  Lane only brings serious potential pop in the same sense that I have the serious potential to knock up Jennifer Aniston.  I have the tools and know how to use them, but the odds of it actually coming to fruition...not very good.

Well your odds would be better if you didn't have such a big hole in your swing.

[mihoba]

god damn these west coast game... i doubt i'll stay away through 4 innings.

Perfect for me. I'm getting paid to watch this. Night shift rocks.

[homer]

Winn goes 1-1. 1-2 on a nice breaker under the hands. Grounds to AE, 6-3.

[Alkie]

I swear to god...

STOP FUCKING TAKING STRIKE 3!

What would you LIKE him to do with strike 3?  He can't talk to the ump if he swings at it and makes contact.

[homer]

Klesko goes 2-1. 3 bounces to Bidge, 4-3. 2 down.

[JaneDoe]

What would you LIKE him to do with strike 3?  He can't talk to the ump if he swings at it and makes contact.

He needs to realize that the 1B, 2B and 3B need to talk, too.  Spread it around.

[homer]

Aurilia goes 1-1. 1-2 on a bouncing foul down the 3rd base line. Sends one to Pence who backs up a few steps to reel it in.

End 1, 0-0.

[mihoba]

He needs to realize that the 1B, 2B and 3B need to talk, too.  Spread it around.

I would prefer if he talked to the ump after his HR trot.

[homer]

Who really cares what is on Qualls's Ipod?

[homer]

Lee taps to Aurilia for the easy 5-3.

[Matt]

Hey Alkie, you got that Sampson Spreadsheet open?

[homer]

Gunther goes 0-2. 1-2 on a hook toward his back foot. A breaker tapped to Vizquel, 6-3. 2 down.

[homer]

Lane can't lay off the high heat (above his eyes). Some more heat on the inside, 0-2. Hook on the back foot, 1-2. Reaches out and pounds the change in the ground to Aurilia, 5-3.

Mid 2, 0-0

[Limey]

Separated at Birth:  GameZone Extension

Randy Winn and Ali G.  That is all.

[Alkie]

Hey Alkie, you got that Sampson Spreadsheet open?

Career NL ERA: 2.61

[Limey]

Please.  Lane only brings serious potential pop in the same sense that I have the serious potential to knock up Jennifer Aniston.  I have the tools and know how to use them, but the odds of it actually coming to fruition...not very good.

Wrong Jennifer.  I shit you not, but on the 2nd page of images under the search "Randy Winn", I got this.

[homer]

Baroid goes 1-1 on a nice breaker under the hands. Fouls off some heat on the inner third, 1-2. 2-2 on a breaker in the dirt. Warning track power to Lane, 1 down.

[Alkie]

W. H. E.  W.

[JaneDoe]

And the fans sigh with disappointment.

[Alkie]

Wrong Jennifer.  I shit you not, but on the 2nd page of images under the search "Randy Winn", I got this.

If it'll make you feel better, I can try to knock that one up too.

[homer]

Durham sends the first pitch to the Vending Machine who moves far to his right, 3-1. 2 down.

[JaneDoe]

I would prefer if he talked to the ump after his HR trot.

Yeah, that too.

[Limey]

If it'll make you feel better, I can try to knock that one up too.

Igotit!Igotit!Igotit!Igotit!Igotit!Igotit!Igotit!Igotit!

[remy]

Wrong Jennifer.  I shit you not, but on the 2nd page of images under the search "Randy Winn", I got this.

Thank you for that.  I've heard of side boob.  Now I have to add over the shoulder boob.  Mmm.

[Limey]

Thank you for that.  I've heard of side boob.  Now I have to add over the shoulder boob.  Mmm.

There's not many who can pull that off with such aplomb.

[homer]

Molina goes 0-2 on a long pop down the right field line, just out of the reach of Lane. He got some alligator arms. Freel woulda had it. Fouls the next off. Breaker away and down, 1-2. Breaker in, 2-2. Fouls another down the 3rd base line. Reaches out and pokes a bouncer by the reaching Loretta for a single.

[Alkie]

2.57

[homer]

Lewis bounces to a diving Loretta, 5-3.

End 2, 0-0

[chuck]

After a week or so of Brownie and JD it sure as hell is a shock to the system to listen to another team's broadcast tandem, especially if it's a couple of cihers like the Giants are running out there. You'd think that in San Francisco they'd be able to find some people with a little more, um, pizzazz?

[homer]

B-Rod goes 0-2. Watches strike 3 on some heat on the inside corner.

[homer]

AE goes 2-0. Lines to Winn in center, 2 down.

[homer]

Alkie's love interest slaps the first pitch into right for a single. Proverbial no-hitter is broken up.

[mihoba]

Who is it, Chuck?

[homer]

Bidge bunts the 1-0 for a hit, verah nice. 2 on, Loretta to the dish.

[Alkie]

Alkie's love interest slaps the first pitch into right for a single. Proverbial no-hitter is broken up.

Not love, man.  Respect.  Show the man some respect.

[Alkie]

After a week or so of Brownie and JD it sure as hell is a shock to the system to listen to another team's broadcast tandem, especially if it's a couple of cihers like the Giants are running out there. You'd think that in San Francisco they'd be able to find some people with a little more, um, pizzazz?

Kruk and Kuip are THE.  WORST.  In the sport.

Bar none.

[MRaup]

Bidge bunts the 1-0 for a hit, verah nice. 2 on, Loretta to the dish.

Thats awesome. I'll bunt my way to 3000 if I have to!

[Anit]

please twinkie, break the slump, PLEASE

[homer]

Loretta goes 2-0 on a couple of inside pitches. 3-0, another inside change down. Outside, BB. Ducks on the pond for Berkman.

[Frobie]

Kruk and Kuip are THE.  WORST.  In the sport.

Bar none.

I'm listening to the Giants' radio feed.  I like Jon Miller a lot, and I like him even more when Joe Morgan is nowhere to be heard.

[chuck]

He just pitched around Loretta to get to Berkman. Amazing.

[MRaup]

I'm listening to the Giants' radio feed.  I like Jon Miller a lot, and I like him even more when Joe Morgan is nowhere to be heard.

When he isn't schlobbing the Big Red Knob, he's allright.

[homer]

Berkman hammers the first pitch on the ground to Vizquel, 6-4.

Mid 3, 0-0

[remy]

I say next time we just send Cara Berkman up there in his place.

[Limey]

B-Rod goes 0-2. Watches strike 3 on some heat on the inside corner.

Heat?  It was faster than the other shit he throws, but heat?

[homer]

Heat?  It was faster than the other shit he throws, but heat?

89mph FB. Lowry type heat.

[homer]

Vizquel lines the 1-0 to Gunther, who froze for a moment but was able to run back and catch it by reaching far over his head.

[homer]

Lowry sends the 1-0 on a line to Gunther, this time backs up just a few steps. 2 down.

[Alkie]

I'm listening to the Giants' radio feed.  I like Jon Miller a lot, and I like him even more when Joe Morgan is nowhere to be heard.

No bigger disparity in American sport between TV crew and radio crew. 

Jon Miller is outstanding on radio.  Kruk and Kuip are the least listenable ass clowns to ever broadcast baseball.  They actually tell you how bored they are with the game.  It's appalling.

[Alkie]

2.54

[homer]

Winn takes a nice 2 seamer back over the inside corner for strike 1. Sends the 1-1 down the line to Berkman, doesn't hit the bag, for an easy 3-1 put out.

End 3, 0-0

[mihoba]

No bigger disparity in American sport between TV crew and radio crew. 

Jon Miller is outstanding on radio.  Kruk and Kuip are the least listenable ass clowns to ever broadcast baseball.  They actually tell you how bored they are with the game.  It's appalling.

Kuiper is horrible. Can't believe they still have him.

[chuck]

I like Jon Miller fine and always like listening to him call a game when shit for brains isn't paired with him. Mihoba, Kruk and Kuip, and they are truly a couple of ciphers. Imagine all the aural excitement of Alan Ashby with the baseball insight of, I don't know, that idiot at MMPUS who's always trying to start the wave?

[remy]

2.54

It's more than just Waco's area code!

[homer]

Lee flares the first pitch in between three Giants in shallow right, legs out a double.

[homer]

Pence taps the first pitch to Vizquel for a 6-3, but Lee can't advance.

[Holly]

I think that was more "hoofing out" a double than legging one out.

[chuck]

Carlo'Lee SMASHES a double!

The Brewers' TV crew from a couple of years ago, three years ago, is easily the worst I have ever heard.

[remy]

Yes! Shit!  Fuck!  ASL:EJRL:ZJSDFASL:FEM!!@LSDfv2345r

[Alkie]

Imagine all the aural excitement of Alan Ashby with the baseball insight of, I don't know, that idiot at MMPUS who's always trying to start the wave?

This is surprisingly accurate. 

With EI for the last (whatever) 5 years, we've heard just about every tv broadcast team a hundred times. 

Kruk and Kuip are easily our least favorite, with DJ and Hawk for the WhiteSox right behind them. 

Goddammit Lee.  WAKE UP.

[austro]

Is this the worst baserunning team ever?

[Holly]

What the heck? Where's the homerun line on the OF wall with the Cars on it?

LOL, Lee smacking into the catcher. That was like running into a big damp wall of set jello.  Too bad it was paired with a brainfart on the path.

[chuck]

Some more Bagwellian baserunning for the Astros.

[homer]

Lane goes 0-2. He is looking mighty lost. 1-2 on a pitch in. Lee takes off, Lane grounds into the hole, Lee rounds third and Vizquel throws in behind him to third. Catches him in the run down. Lane safe at first.

Lee is a shitty baserunner.

[Alkie]

The Brewers' TV crew from a couple of years ago, three years ago, is easily the worst I have ever heard.

You know, it's funny.  3 years ago, I thought Daron and Bill were awful as well.  Then, they grew on me and I started to realize that they were in on the joke and I started to really like them.

Now, I miss Daron and Bill without him sounds odd.

[mihoba]

That is disgusting to watch. This isn't LL, Carlos.

Mansolino did not help him whatsoever.

[Alkie]

This isn't LL, Carlos.

But it LOOKS like it.

[chuck]

Kruk and Kuip are easily our least favorite, with DJ and Hawk for the WhiteSox right behind them.

He gawne!!!

There's some anti-Hawk website out there that's pretty amusing.

Do you remember the Brewers' crew that I'm talking about? [Saw above that you plainly do.]

[homer]

Ausmus goes 2-1. Drives one into the gap in right center, Lewis tracks it down.

Mid 4, 0-0.

[remy]

That is disgusting to watch. This isn't LL, Carlos.

You know what pissed me off the most about it?  How he was smiling about it with Molina afterwards.  Fuck.

[Alkie]

He gawne!!!

There's some anti-Hawk website out there that's pretty amusing.

Do you remember the Brewers' crew that I'm talking about?

Yeah, Daron Sutton and Bill Schroeder.  I commented on it a few posts up.

[chuck]

Yeah, Daron Sutton and Bill Schroeder.  I commented on it a few posts up.

Don Sutton was apparently a total asshole. To have a son that's a total assclown provides some sort of symmetry, don't you think?

[homer]

Klesko goes 1-2 on a borderline inside pitch. Lines one into the cavernous gap in right. Gunther makes a decent throw to hold him to a double.

[Limey]

You know what pissed me off the most about it?  How he was smiling about it with Molina afterwards.  Fuck.

What do you want him to do?  Punch Molina in the face?  He fucked up, in High-Def.  He was embarrassed.  Quite rightly.

[Alkie]

Don Sutton was apparently a total asshole. To have a son that's a total assclown provides some sort of symmetry, don't you think?

No, that's what I'm saying, I used to not like Daron, but now I really DO like him.  He's the voice of the Snakes now, which is a MAJOR upgrade over Thom Brenemann.  But he still has to work with Grace, who is one of the worst color guys out there.

Which really upsets me, because I was so looking forward to Grace in the booth after he retired.  He sucks.

[Alkie]

What do you want him to do?  Punch Molina in the face? 

He sort of did.  Did you see Molina's head jerk back?

[Limey]

He sort of did.  Did you see Molina's head jerk back?

That was actually pretty funny.  Molina's not exactly a lightweight, and he just bounced off the man-mountain that is El Caboose.

[Alkie]

That was actually pretty funny.  Molina's not exactly a lightweight, and he just bounced off the man-mountain that is El Caboose.

I feel bad for the poor bulls on Lee's ranch.  They have no chance.

[homer]

Aurilia reaches and misses for 1-1. Shows bunt and pulls back, at the knees for 1-2. 2-2. 3-2 on a cutter away. Fouls off the FB. Chops to AE near second, 6-3. Klesko advances.

[homer]

Baroid getting pitched around. 3-1. BB. Corners.

[Savage]

No, that's what I'm saying, I used to not like Daron, but now I really DO like him.  He's the voice of the Snakes now, which is a MAJOR upgrade over Thom Brenemann.  But he still has to work with Grace, who is one of the worst color guys out there.

Which really upsets me, because I was so looking forward to Grace in the booth after he retired.  He sucks.

He's seriously awful.  I couldn't believe the other weekend when I heard him on the national fox broadcast.  And then I realized that meant I wasn't going to have to hear him later that night call the Astros - Diamondbacks game and did a small dance of joy.

[Alkie]

Crap.

SCORE SOME RUNS, YOU CHIMPS.  (uhhh... OUR chimps, not theirs.)

[homer]

Durham takes a tight curve for strike 1. Swings through a FB (88mph) for strike 2. Taps to the left side, Loretta goes a long way to his right and looks home, B-Rod points to first and the 5-3 is made. Klesko scores, Baroid to second.

[Alkie]

2.62

[homer]

Molina sends one to Gunter, side retired.

End 4, 0-1

[mihoba]

He gawne!!!

There's some anti-Hawk website out there that's pretty amusing.

Do you remember the Brewers' crew that I'm talking about? [Saw above that you plainly do.]

Heave the Hawk

[homer]

AE bunts well for the infield hit.

[mihoba]

Another nice bunt, good job AE

[homer]

Sampson squares and bunts to Klesko who tags him out. AE advances.

[Limey]

Another nice bunt, good job AE

Time for the Astros to play a little cricket.  You drop down bunts for singles until they draw the field in, then you start knocking 'em past the drawn in fielders.  Drives you bonkers, it does.

[homer]

Bidge sends a weak fly to right, Lewis in for the catch. 2 down.

[chuck]

Heave the Hawk

"Sit back, relax, and strap it down!"

I believe I'd find it hard to relax under these circumstances.

[Limey]

I feel bad for the poor bulls on Lee's ranch.  They have no chance.

Precisely.

[homer]

Loretta goes 2-0. 3-0. Shit isn't real close, 2-0 breaker. Chops to Aurilia, 5-3.

Mid 5, 0-1

[Alkie]

Noah Lowry has at least 4 games pitched against 11 teams.

We're the only one he has an ERA under 2.00 against.

[homer]

Lewis takes a sinker, kinda low, for strike 1. 1-1. 2-1. Smokes one to the right of Bidge who tries that stupid fucking slide stop and can't come up with it.

[Limey]

Noah Lowry has at least 4 games pitched against 11 teams.

We're the only one he has an ERA under 2.00 against.

You'd think after Sampson just waited and slapped an easy single through the right side, that the "professional" hitters on the bench would take some fucking notice.  Maybe they all have money on Vizquel for Gold Glove, because they're padding his stats.

[homer]

Vizquel, first pitch is a pitch-out. 1-0. 1-1 on a FB. Chops to Bidge who is moving to cover 2nd for a running Lewis, GIDP, 4-3

[chuck]

Well, that was the damndest double play I have seen in a while.

[homer]

Lowry to AE, 6-3, side retired.

End 5, 0-1

[Alkie]

2.59

Sampson has made 11 starts now.  He's given up more than 3 runs (earned or otherwise) once.  But I'm sure it's all in my head.

[Alkie]

Lance needs a day off.

[Navin R Johnson]

Lance needs to go yard.

[homer]

Lance bunts the first pitch, foul. Squares, pulls back, curve drops in for 0-2. Swings the bat, foul down the 3rd base dugout. Fouls another back. They keep showing Christy Yamaguchi (sic). Chops to Durham, 4-3. FUCK.

[homer]

Lee goes 1-1. 1-2 on a foul back. Hot shot down the left field line, some fucking stupid ass fan grabs it, double.

[mihoba]

They also showed Garner laughing his ass off at Lance trying to bunt.

[Alkie]

Shoot zem.  Shoot zem both.

[remy]

Alternative Lifestyle Couple #742739 leans over and interferes with Lee's double.

[JSAstrosFan]

Lance bunts the first pitch, foul. Squares, pulls back, curve drops in for 0-2. Swings the bat, foul down the 3rd base dugout. Fouls another back. They keep showing Christy Yamaguchi (sic). Chops to Durham, 4-3. FUCK.

Why on Earth was he bunting?

[Navin R Johnson]

Hope that douche gets kicked out of the stadium.

[Navin R Johnson]

Why on Earth was he bunting?

for a hit.

[chuck]

They keep showing Christy Yamaguchi (sic).

Who is a "ball babe." Japanese Heritage night here at Whateverthefuckthey'recallingitnow Park.

Jesus Christ, what a dumb motherfucker. Hey Abercrombie, get the fuck out.

[ValpoCory]

Brownie twice now has referred to Kristi Yamaguchi as being a gymnast.

[homer]

Gunther goes 1-1. Taps one foul, 1-2. 2-2, lays off a pitch down and in. THAT IS A FUCKING BALK, but they don't call it. 3-2 on a breaker in the dirt. Smokes one to Aurilia, runs up and out of his glove, can't pick it. Gunther safe, Lee still at second.

[mihoba]

Brownie twice now has referred to Kristi Yamaguchi as being a gymnast.

He's skating the issue.

[Alkie]

Jason Lane.  Has no business.  On a ML club.

FACT!

[homer]

Lane takes one down and in, ball 1. Reaches out and fouls it down the 3rd baseline. Down and in, 2-1. Foul pop to Klesko near the camera well. SHITFUCK.

[remy]

Jason Lane.  Has no business.  On a ML club.

FACT!

Doesn't Scott hit lefties just fine?  Seriously, this fucking platoon needs to end yesterday.

[chuck]

Brownie twice now has referred to Kristi Yamaguchi as being a gymnast.

Believe it or not, the SF guys know she's a figure skater. Imagine that, SF guys enthusiastic about figure skating. Who'da thunk it?

[cougar]

Can I just type in:

*sigh* fucking Lane.

from now on?  It seems appropriate.

[remy]

Fuck Klesko in the fucking ear.  Fuck.  Why am I still fucking awake.  I'm out.

[homer]

B-Rod takes a first pitch FB, strike 1. Another fucking FB for strike 2. GEE FUCKING WHIZ. Flares a foul to Klesko near the dugout.

Mid 6, 0-1

[chuck]

I'll admit it. I am intrigued by Bradley's strategy at the plate.

[homer]

Winn goes 0-2 on a questionable high strike. Sampson backs him off, up and in. Another in, 2-2. Fouls one off under the hands. Slaps it the other way, all the way to the wall for a double.

[homer]

Klesko bunts the first pitch, 1-4. Winn advances.

[MRaup]

Fucking retard SF fans...

Yeah, he meant to hit him to face Bonds.

[homer]

Aurilia, infield in, takes strike one on a rider on the inside corner. Hits him, Aurilia throw the bat in disgust. Corners, 1 down, for Baroids.

[MRaup]

LANCE YOU FAT FUCK! GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN WAY!

[Alkie]

Well executed.  Way to go.

[Bench]

Fantastic dancing bear impersonation by Berkman.

[Anit]

can someone cue the benny hill theme.

[homer]

Big shift on for Baroids. Chop to Sampson, looks back Winn at third, confusion at first with both Lance and Bidge covering. Lance steps in front of Bidge, knocks it down, but no out. Bases juiced.

[mihoba]

Damn Berkman, get the fuck out of the way. He saw Bidge camped on first.

[Savage]

That was just fucking awful.

[chuck]

What a bunch of fucking little leaguers. Jesus.

[MRaup]

That was just fucking awful.

Berkman's idiocy on the field/basepaths gets old when he isn't hitting .330 and driving in runs.

[pots]

Well, this team can't play worse

[homer]

Durham fouls off the first pitch, FB riding away from the lefty. Grounds to Berkman who takes it even with bag, comes home, 3-2. No other play for Ausmus, 2 down, bases still juiced.

[ybbodeus]

Is Wayne Graham posting tonight?  Sheeesh!

[JaneDoe]

What a bunch of fucking little leaguers.

Hey--many of the little leaguers I know would take great offense to this.  They can HIT and CATCH the ball.

[Alkie]

Fuck me in the eye.

Game over.  Unless Lowry dies or something.

[homer]

Molina taps a foul down the 3rd base line. Off the bat handle, flared past AE into center. Gunther comes home, but to the first base side and Ausmus can't get Barry. 2 runs in.

0-3.

[mihoba]

Dammit. Sampson didn't deserve this. He made good pitches. Pence with a terrible throw.

[chuck]

How do you not throw that fat fucker out from second base?

[homer]

Lewis takes a curve dropped in over the outside corner. Taps a bouncer foul down the 3rd base line. Chops high to the first base side, Sampson grabs it and tags Lewis.

Error on Vending Machine makes the 2 runs unearned.

End 6, 0-3

[pots]

Throwing Bonds out at home would not have fit in with the theme of this game.

[cougar]

What a bunch of fucking little leaguers. Jesus.

Actually I saw a friend's kid's little league team yesterday that hit better than the big leaguers.  At least they could drive home a runner in scoring position with 2 outs.

[pots]

What kills me is how the Giant announcers feel they actually are doing something to earn this win.  

[homer]

What kills me is how the Giant announcers feel they actually are doing something to earn this win.  

Breathing? Manning their positions? Batting in the correct order?

[chuck]

Hey, what the dilly-o with that pair of A's fans they keep showing. It sure doesn't look like father and daughter and it sure as hell aint boyfriend / girlfriend.

[JSAstrosFan]

Why on Earth was he bunting?

Aah, scouting report on Lowry is that he can't field a bunt.

[pots]

...not falling over laughing...

[homer]

AE goes 1-2. 2-2 on a FB under the hands, appeal denied. Fouls back a change. Fouls a FB back. Fouls one into the crowd. Swings through a 71mph curve, tipped and Molina hangs on.

[pots]

...not falling over laughing...

Though Aurilia was close during Fat Elvis's bunt attempts

[Navin R Johnson]

At what point does AE's defense not compensate for his lack of hitting?  .180?  .150?  .050?

[homer]

Luke (PH for Sampson) goes 2-0. Takes a breaker which Brownie seems to laugh at, 2-1. Breaker on the outside corner misses, 3-1. FB away, BB.

[homer]

Bidge takes a change on the outside corner, 0-1. Reaches out for a change, taps to Vizquel who picks it bare handed and tosses to second. 2 down.

[Anit]

alright, no more fucking around..

lance needs to come through right here

[Alkie]

YOU.  OWE.  ME.  TUB.  O' GOO.

[gwat]

At what point does AE's defense not compensate for his lack of hitting?  .180?  .150?  .050?

While I agree with your point completely, it seems like in every game he doesn't play, there are about 5 plays to the SS
position that are not made, that AE would have fielded with ease.
Lets go Berkman.

[cougar]

Uh, Omar didn't really HAVE to barehand that, did he?  I know he's a Gold Glover and all, but if I were the pitcher I'd still think about pulling out the Lou Brown classic, "Nice catch, don't ever fucking do it again" line.

[homer]

Loretta goes 1-1. Slaps one the other way, ties up Lewis, falls in for a single. 'Potential tying run' in Berkman to the dish.

[Anit]

*sigh*

[homer]

Berkman swings through a curve in, 0-1. Rips one into the giant pen, dumbass fucking fan tumbles onto the field. Broken bat to Vizquel, 6-3.

Mid 7, 0-3

[JaneDoe]

Loretta goes 1-1. Slaps one the other way, ties up Lewis, falls in for a single. 'Potential tying run' in Berkman to the dish.

So much for his "potential".

[mihoba]

Punchless and Judy Lance.

[gwat]

Berkman.  Super BEE...fuddled.

[Savage]

I wish Lee was hitting 3rd.

[homer]

Trever on.

Vizquel goes 0-2. 1-2. Fouls one away. Grounds to Loretta, 5-3.

[homer]

Frandsen (Lowry done) swings through a tight breaker over the outside corner. Smashes one to a pulled in Loretta, takes it right at nut level, 5-3. 2 down.

[chuck]

I think Loretta may be able to take over third. That's one issue addressed. Only have four or five more.

[homer]

Winn (turned around) goes 1-1. Pops one back, 1-2. Way in, Winn goes down on one hand to avoid, 2-2. Swings wildly at a breaker way off the plate, K.

End 7, 0-3

[Jose Cruz III]

Frandsen (Lowry done) swings through a tight breaker over the outside corner. Smashes one to a pulled in Loretta, takes it right at nut level, 5-3. 2 down.

Well, since the Stros can't get a hit with runners on maybe Lee can hit a solo dinger and help out a couple of my fantasy teams.

[homer]

Well, since the Stros can't get a hit with runners on maybe Lee can hit a solo dinger and help out a couple of my fantasy teams.

That is what I was hoping for.

[Jose Cruz III]

That is what I was hoping for.

It would have helped alot more if Berkman could have gotten on and Lee hit the salammy.

[homer]

Hennesey on. Kid behind me at the game last week thought it would be so cool to be named Hennesey.

Lee goes 2-0, 3-0. Taking all the way, 3-1. Fouls straight back 3-2. Reaches out and goes the other way with a liner to Klesko.

[Jose Cruz III]

It would have helped alot more if Berkman could have gotten on and Lee hit the salammy.

Oh well...............

[homer]

Gunther grounds the first pitch to Vizquel who just nips him, 6-3. 2 down.

[MRaup]

Way to hustle there Jason. Guy had time to check out the Cougar in the first row over the 3rd base dugout before he threw you out.

[homer]

Lane fouls off a pitch to hit, goes 1-1. Grounds to Aurilia behind third, throw wide and Klesko swipe tags Lane.

Mid 8, 0-3

[Jose Cruz III]

With Lane and Everett in the lineup on the same night, all the other team needs is 19 outs.

[mihoba]

Way to hustle there Jason. Guy had time to check out the Cougar in the first row over the 3rd base dugout before he threw you out.

He had to uncoil from bailing out...again. Another 0-4 from Lane. hitting .183. Send him packing.

[mihoba]

With Lane and Everett in the lineup on the same night, all the other team needs is 19 outs.

Fuck off. AE had a hit.

[homer]

Trever still on.

Klesko takes a nice wide breaker over inside corner. To far in, 1-1. Sends the next into the bay.

0-4

[cougar]

God Damn Donut Truck.  Well, 7 AM wake up is starting to loom closer.  Good night all.  Remember, tomorrow is another game.  God help us.

[Jose Cruz III]

Fuck off. AE had a hit.

Sorry. 20 outs.

[homer]

Sorry. 20 outs.

Shove off. Seriously.

[gwat]

With Lane and Everett in the lineup on the same night, all the other team needs is 19 outs.

And Ausmus?
Klesko gets his usual Astro launch.

[chuck]

I don't understand the whole sit in a kayak all night in hopes of collecting a wet, $3 baseball thing. I really don't.

[homer]

Lidge on.

Aurilia grounds the first to AE, 6-3.

[Jose Cruz III]

Is Lidge hurt?

[homer]

Bonds takes a slider in for a strike. FB (92mph) away, 1-1. Garner runs out, Lidge looked funny apparently. Apparently Garner came out during warmup too. FB away, 96. Slider in, dirt, 3-1. FB, fat, 95, 3-2. FB outside, 93.

[Jose Cruz III]

Bonds flips the bat. Am I the only one that hates him?

[dirty steve]

they said something with the mound.  watching my non-DVR equipped tv and didnt catch what originally happened.

[chuck]

I wish Lidge had gone after him.

[Jose Cruz III]

I wish Lidge would have hit him in the ear. That would have slowed his Aaron chase.

[homer]

Pinch runner (Ortmeier) for Bonds.

Durham takes FB outside, 94. FB up, 94. Flyball to Lane, 2 down.

[chuck]

Bonds flips the bat. Am I the only one that hates him?

Yes, judging from the constant outpouring of love and appreciation from millions of fans around the country, you are indeed the only one.

[Jose Cruz III]

I wouldn't mind having Molina. Does he have a good arm? Seriously I do not know.

[Alkie]

I wish Lidge would have hit him in the ear. That would have slowed his Aaron chase.

I don't think that's cool to wish harm on Barry.  You should be wishing death on him.

[homer]

Molina goes 0-1. Ortmeier started, Ausmus bounces a throw to Lance, not close. Reaches out and fouls one, 0-2. High slider for the K looking.

End 8, 0-4

[Jose Cruz III]

Yes, judging from the constant outpouring of love and appreciation from millions of fans around the country, you are indeed the only one.

Two words for ya. Ree torical.

[homer]

Bonds flips the bat. Am I the only one that hates him?

Is he not on your fantasy team?

[dirty steve]

seriously--when the commish and the holder of said record are finding every excuse to NOT be there...

[Jose Cruz III]

Is he not on your fantasy team?

Nope. But it would really be cool if Lee or Berkman hit me one this inning.

[mihoba]

I wouldn't mind having Molina. Does he have a good arm? Seriously I do not know.

He's probably the best of the squating Molinas. Signed a bargain 3-year contract with the Gints.

[homer]

Benitez on.

B-Rod takes a fat FB for strike 1. Reaches out and grounds to Vizquel, 6-3.

[MRaup]

Oh man.

Our Valero Energy to Take You Anywhere replay is Bidge's bunt single...

Not. Good.

[gwat]

this.

Top O'ninth. Bottom of Odor. At least Limey brought this one in. Good work.
We'll get 'em manana.

[homer]

OP (PH for AE) goes 2-0, 3-0. Taking all the way, 3-1. Fat FB, 3-2. Goes for a high one and flies to left. 2 down.

[Jose Cruz III]

Benitez has been known to give up some fatties. Heres hoping he gives up a couple here.

[Jose Cruz III]

Oh well.....Roy'll get em tomorrow.

[homer]

Lamb (PH for Lidge) takes one on the outside corner for ball 1. FB, outside corner, 1-1. Fouls one away, 1-2. Swings through something off speed. K

GAME OVER

0-4

[dirty steve]

palmiero is the third guy that has batted this game for the astros that is hitting under .200, NOT counting the pitcher.  did purp draft him too or something?
lane-.183
everett-.193
palmiero-.143

maybe everett should batted for himself.

[Jose Cruz III]

Good night game zoners. Sleep well.

[chuck]

Oh man.

Our Valero Energy to Take You Anywhere replay is Bidge's bunt single...

Not. Good.

That about sums it up.

[homer]

palmiero is the third guy that has batted this game for the astros that is hitting under .200, NOT counting the pitcher.  did purp draft him too or something?
lane-.183
everett-.193
palmiero-.143

maybe everett should batted for himself.

seriously, stop with this cocksuck AD shit. please.

[The Spleen]

Oh well.....Roy'll get em tomorrow.

Does he know the special pitch that causes the other team to score negative runs?

[dirty steve]

seriously, stop with this cocksuck AD shit. please.

sorry man...

[JaneDoe]

seriously, stop with this cocksuck AD shit. please.

Thank you.

[Jose Cruz III]

Does he know the special pitch that causes the other team to score negative runs?

We'll score tomorrow. Jet lag, man.

[Jose Cruz III]

cocksuck AD shit.

??

[dirty steve]

??

me too.  dont know if it's me, garner, or the GM.

[mihoba]

me too.  dont know if they are talking about me, garner, or the GM.

Bullshit. You posted "did purp draft him too or something?"

Fucking whiner. All three of the players in question were here before Pupura took over GM duties.

[Jose Cruz III]

me too.  dont know if it's me, garner, or the GM.

I am not questioning the issues with the team. I don't know what that stands for.

[dirty steve]

Bullshit. You posted "did purp draft him too or something?"

Fucking whiner. All three of the players in question were here before Pupura took over GM duties.

seriously man.  it was a joke.  didnt know the "didnt purp draft this or that guy" was so taboo.  i tried to lurk around here for a while to see what was cool to run with, and i never saw this. 

my bad.

[homer]

seriously man.  it was a joke.  didnt know the "didnt purp this or that guy" was so taboo.  i tried to lurk around here for a while to see what was cool to run with, and i never saw this. 

bitching about AE, OP, and anyone else on the offense when Lance isn't hitting and is making stupid fucking errors in the field, Lee is running into outs and the play of the game is a Bidge bunt single is fucking taboo.

AD is AstrosDaily where they are always looking for more people to join the circle jerk.

[dirty steve]

bitching about AE, OP, and anyone else on the offense when Lance isn't hitting and is making stupid fucking errors in the field, Lee is running into outs and the play of the game is a Bidge bunt single is fucking taboo.
AD is AstrosDaily where they are always looking for more people to join the circle jerk.

like i said--my fault.
i found your site through their site and found the takes better over here.

[Jose Cruz III]

bitching about AE, OP, and anyone else on the offense when Lance isn't hitting and is making stupid fucking errors in the field, Lee is running into outs and the play of the game is a Bidge bunt single is fucking taboo.

AD is AstrosDaily where they are always looking for more people to join the circle jerk.

Didnt know what AD meant.

[dirty steve]

i thought maybe it was the time after Purpura took over???

[JimR]

like i said--my fault.
i found your site through their site and found the takes better over here.

and don't use the word "take" either.

[remy]

and don't use the word "take" either.

That should be fucking written in stone.  Seriously.

[MRaup]

That should be fucking written in stone.  Seriously.

RACK IT!