By Craig Elliott
Yeah baby, that’s the way to run those fucking shitbird Jakes outta town! It may have been a short series, but it sure felt good to see a couple of wins against the Co-Ards. The Astros are off to their best start ever at 19-9. Lance Berkman took over the Major League lead in RBIs, and he’s tied for third in homers. Berkman is also third in the NL in batting average, right ahead of … BRAD AUSMUS! Ah-hahahaha! And Ausmus is second in the league in OBP, right behind Pujols. OMFG.
No time to rest though, because now it’s off to Denver. Believe it or not, at 16-13 the Rukkakies are tied for first in the NL West. Which is roughly equivalent to fourth in the Central. They just split a pair with the soon-to-suck Reds. Colorado has been hurt with injuries and odd ailments this year, and Todd Helton should be back for this series.
When:
Friday, May 5, 8:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, May 6, 7:05 p.m. CDT – KNWS
Sunday, May 7, 2:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
MLB Extra Innings – Friday’s and Saturday’s games will be on the Colorado feed, and Sunday’s will be on Fox Southwest.
Where: Coors Field
No offense to “Nate in Co,” but I fucking hate Denver sports fans. I knew several when I lived out west, and they’re like a cross between Cubs fans and Aggies. They have this creepy attachment to teams that suck, with a healthy dose of Aggie cult behavior. And they all want to call and talk on AM radio.
Projected Matchups
Taylor Buchholz (2-1, 2.05) v. Byung-Hyun Kim (1-0, 1.35)
Buchholz got the lone win in Cincinnati, giving up 2 ER in 6+ innings. He’s given up three homers so far this season, but two of them came in a no-decision that the team later won in Milwaukee. This is obviously his first trip to Coors, so … good luck with that.
Kim has an 0-2 record against Houston with an ERA of 5.40. This will be his second start of the year after opening the season on the DL. The Astros bat a collective 22-for-68 against him (.324), but that’s a little misleading. Because Preston Wilson is 10-for-14 (.714) against Kim, with 3 doubles and a homer. Jason Lane is 2-for-2 against him, with one of those being a homer.
Everybody else … not so much. Ausmus, Biggio, Berkman, Palmeiro, Everett, Ensberg, and Taveras are a combined 6-for-37.
Wandy Rodriguez (4-0, 2.61) v. Jason Jennings (1-2, 5.84)
Wandy has been solid so far. He got a no-decision last time out, but reeled off four W’s to start the season. In 26 innings, he’s given up 5 ER and recorded 20 strikeouts. He’s 1-0 lifetime against the Rockies.
The Rockies bat .306 (11-for-36) against Wandy, which includes 3 doubles, a triple, and a homer. Helton is 3-for-5 against Wandy, and Brad Hawpe is 2-for-5 with a homer. Luiz A. Gonzalez is 3-for-8, and Garrett Atkins is 2-for-6.
Jennings is 0-3 against the Astros in 4 appearances, with a fat-ass 12.05 ERA. The team bats .314 (27-for-86) against Jennings, with five doubles, two triples, and six homers. (Two of those homers were by Bagwell.) Biggio is 5-for-10 against him with three doubles, Eric Munson is 3-for-7 with a triple and a homer, and Lamb is 3-for-3 with a triple. Morgan Ensberg is 2-for-5 with 8 RBI, and both hits were homers.
Fernando Nieve (1-0, 4.74) v. Aaron Cook (2-3, 3.76)
Last time out, Nieve got his first major league win, giving up 4 ER on six hits in seven innings. This will be his seventh appearance overall, and fourth start. He’s given up five homers and 10 ER overall, and in his last start went over 100 pitches for the first time this year.
Cook is 2-0 on the road this year, and 0-3 at home. He’s 1-0 against the Astros in two appearances, with an ERA of 6.55. But only four active Astros have seen him before, and they’re a collective 5-for-15. Berkman is 3-for-4, Bidge is 1-for-4, Ausmus is 1-for-5, and Everett is 0-for-2.
Key injuries:
Houston – Trever Miller will rehab in Round Rock while the team is on this road trip. Chad Qualls is back. Brandon Backe is out until at least June.
Colorado – Full house in the trainer’s room. Josh Wilson and Chin-Hui Tsao are out until June. Sun-Woo Kim and Ryan Shealy are on rehab assignments. Yorvit Torrealba and Mike DeJean are out until mid-May. Todd Helton is probable for this series after missing several games with a bad-ass intestinal ailment. Also, Brian Fuentes is on leave while he adopts a kid, and Clint Barmes may miss this series to go to a cousin’s funeral.
Other shit
* One time I walked past the wrong window and saw this one guy fucking another guy. That was the gayest thing I’d ever seen, until I saw that bright red ball-tickler hanging off Scott Spezio’s lip.