Reasons To Be Cheerful, Pt. 1 (non-bb, non-sports, non-news)

[strosrays]

Just in time for Thanksgiving, too.

 CNN dingbat Nancy Grace sued by the family of Melinda Duckett for wrongful death.


I hope she loses, gets sent to prison, and gets, well. . . what is the female prison equivalent of getting "bent over by some 6' 6", 280 lb. guy named 'Monroe'"?

At the very least, I assume this will force her, after six months, to REPORT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, GODDAMMIT.

[cougar]

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Just in time for Thanksgiving, too.
I hope she loses, gets sent to prison, and gets, well. . . what is the female prison equivalent of getting "bent over by some 6' 6", 280 lb. guy named 'Monroe'"?

Has to bend over a 6'6", 280 lb. "female" named Bertha?

[Alkie]

I think in a wrongful death, you only get money, not prison time.

But, it's a good idea.

[HudsonHawk]

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Just in time for Thanksgiving, too.

 CNN dingbat Nancy Grace sued by the family of Melinda Duckett for wrongful death.


I hope she loses, gets sent to prison, and gets, well. . . what is the female prison equivalent of getting "bent over by some 6' 6", 280 lb. guy named 'Monroe'"?

At the very least, I assume this will force her, after six months, to REPORT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, GODDAMMIT.

You know, I may be in the minority here, but I find Nancy Grace inexplicably attractive, in a "I want to have very angry sex with you" kind of way.

[Alkie]

You are in the smallest minority (1) I've ever heard of.

Far be it from me to tell another man what to find attractive, but DUDE.   Nancy Grace?

[Bench]

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Just in time for Thanksgiving, too.

 CNN dingbat Nancy Grace sued by the family of Melinda Duckett for wrongful death.


I hope she loses, gets sent to prison, and gets, well. . . what is the female prison equivalent of getting "bent over by some 6' 6", 280 lb. guy named 'Monroe'"?

At the very least, I assume this will force her, after six months, to REPORT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, GODDAMMIT.

You know, I may be in the minority here, but I find Nancy Grace inexplicably attractive, in a "I want to have very angry sex with you" kind of way.

The only thing I can imagine worse than that would be having angry phone sex with her.

[Andyzipp]

I am of questionable tastes when it comes to finding public figures attractive (I used to have an intimate relationship with some pictures of Leeza Gibbons) but she is heinous.

Minority of 1, thy name is Hudson.

[Alkie]

No, let's be clear on this.  Leeza Gibbons was HOT.

[Limey]

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You know, I may be in the minority here, but I find Nancy Grace inexplicably attractive, in a "I want to have very angry sex with you" kind of way.

I think I'd rather bone Geraldo.

[MusicMan]

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Just in time for Thanksgiving, too.

 CNN dingbat Nancy Grace sued by the family of Melinda Duckett for wrongful death.


I hope she loses, gets sent to prison, and gets, well. . . what is the female prison equivalent of getting "bent over by some 6' 6", 280 lb. guy named 'Monroe'"?

At the very least, I assume this will force her, after six months, to REPORT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, GODDAMMIT.

You know, I may be in the minority here, but I find Nancy Grace inexplicably attractive, in a "I want to have very angry sex with you" kind of way.

Tom Arnold just called to say he thinks that's fucked up.

[MikeyBoy]

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Leeza Gibbons

I'd hit it. I can't say the same for Nancy Grace.

HH, weren't you the one that expressed similar interest in Rita Cosby?

[austro]

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You know, I may be in the minority here, but I find Nancy Grace inexplicably attractive, in a "I want to have very angry sex with you" kind of way.

I think I'd rather bone Geraldo.

One's got a hairy lip, the other's got a hare-lip (well, not really, but there's something going on with that sneer), what's the difference?

[Taras Bulba]

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Just in time for Thanksgiving, too.

 CNN dingbat Nancy Grace sued by the family of Melinda Duckett for wrongful death.


I hope she loses, gets sent to prison, and gets, well. . . what is the female prison equivalent of getting "bent over by some 6' 6", 280 lb. guy named 'Monroe'"?

At the very least, I assume this will force her, after six months, to REPORT ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, GODDAMMIT.

I don't regularly watch Nancy Grace, but I did see the interview in question and read a little about the case.  Grace does and did "aggressively" interview Puckett, but it seemed to me then and now that Puckett was not being truthful in her responses or lack thereof to questions posed.

[strosrays]

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Leeza Gibbons

I'd hit it. I can't say the same for Nancy Grace.

HH, weren't you the one that expressed similar interest in Rita Cosby?

That was pravata.  And I am with him on this, if it is an either-or proposition were are talking about.

I believe prav expressed some strange attraction to Ms. Cosby's voice more so than her looks.  I have to admit I have always been singularly attuned to any passable-to-decent looking woman -- okay, to any woman who doesn't have facial hair or string warts, or a head configurated like Nancy Grace's -- that also has a voice that sounds like she just smoked a carton of Kents to go along with the fifth of Jim Beam she puts away every night.

I like "voluptuous" women okay, but Rita is right on the borderline of just plain fat.  Or maybe she has drifted across it by now.  For all I know, Nancy Grace may have a better body; but I won't ever know, because I can't get past her misshapen dome.  Anyway, I have a mental tape loop of Rita's voice going into ecstasy during sex, even before I can roll out the heavy artillery on her.  Full-figured or somewhat obese, she trumps Nancy Grace every time.

[MusicMan]

Congratulations to strosrays for pushing this from "fairly alarming" to "most disturbing thread ever."

Keep up the good work.

[HudsonHawk]

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I am of questionable tastes when it comes to finding public figures attractive (I used to have an intimate relationship with some pictures of Leeza Gibbons) but she is heinous.

Minority of 1, thy name is Hudson.

You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

[MusicMan]

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I am of questionable tastes when it comes to finding public figures attractive (I used to have an intimate relationship with some pictures of Leeza Gibbons) but she is heinous.

Minority of 1, thy name is Hudson.

You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

Two good candidates, but a sheetless waterbed?

[strosrays]

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I am of questionable tastes when it comes to finding public figures attractive (I used to have an intimate relationship with some pictures of Leeza Gibbons) but she is heinous.

Minority of 1, thy name is Hudson.

You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

Since we're being confessional and all -- and this should win me the prize, hands down -- I once had a sexual fantasy about Hillary Rodham Clinton for a brief period.  Early on in the first term, as I recall.

Neither my therapist nor I could ever get to the bottom of it.  Was it some kind of twist on an Oedipal fixation?  Only if that extends to big sisters or something, because Ms. Clinton isn't old enough to be my mother, even in Arkansas.  Was it a bad tangential manifestation of an admiited almost life-long "thing" for hippie chicks?  Was it because one of the best high school girlfriends I ever had (using certain fairly narrow criteria) was a bottle blonde and also named Hillary?  Was it a strong interest in partisan politics gone sexual-obsessive?

We'll never know.  After several months of my family and friends being convinced I was severely screwed up, I picked up an Esquire one day, and realized one of their regular columnists (can't remember the name) had basically the same thing going on I did; only he wrote about it in a magazine, so millions knew.  Somehow, that broke the spell, and it was eventually okay for me to re-enter everyday society again.

[Rebel Jew]

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I am of questionable tastes when it comes to finding public figures attractive (I used to have an intimate relationship with some pictures of Leeza Gibbons) but she is heinous.

Minority of 1, thy name is Hudson.

You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

Since we're being confessional and all -- and this should win me the prize, hands down -- I once had a sexual fantasy about Hillary Rodham Clinton for a brief period.  Early on in the first term, as I recall.

Neither my therapist nor I could ever get to the bottom of it.  Was it some kind of twist on an Oedipal fixation?  Only if that extends to big sisters or something, because Ms. Clinton isn't old enough to be my mother, even in Arkansas.  Was it a bad tangential manifestation of an admiited almost life-long "thing" for hippie chicks?  Was it because one of the best high school girlfriends I ever had (using certain fairly narrow criteria) was a bottle blonde and also named Hillary?  Was it a strong interest in partisan politics gone sexual-obsessive?

We'll never know.  After several months of my family and friends being convinced I was severely screwed up, I picked up an Esquire one day, and realized one of their regular columnists (can't remember the name) had basically the same thing going on I did; only he wrote about it in a magazine, so millions knew.  Somehow, that broke the spell, and it was eventually okay for me to re-enter everyday society again.

Back in my pizza delivery days in high school (Gepetto's pizza on FM 1960), one of my co-workers was this late 20's burnout dude named Paul who had a long, greasy pony tail, pock-marked face, and who sold weed out of the bathroom in between deliveries.  Anyway, this guy's main hobby, other than smoking swishers non-stop, was going to the night club Chayns (a bit further west on 1960), and picking up middle-aged ladies, no matter how they looked.  Paul's favorite quote:  "I like women that treat me as a sex slave-- because that's what I am."

Anyway, Paul once told me that his ultimate fantasy girl was Hillary Clinton (this was the same '93 Hillary you're talking about).

[HudsonHawk]

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Anyway, this guy's main hobby, other than smoking swishers non-stop, was going to the night club Chayns (a bit further west on 1960), and picking up middle-aged ladies, no matter how they looked.  Paul's favorite quote:  "I like women that treat me as a sex slave-- because that's what I am."

Ah...Chayns..it is a veritable cornucopia of middle-aged sexual repression.  It's like the MILF buffet.  And I can definitely identify with Paul.  Back in my college days, my attention among the 30-40 something divorcee set was legendary.

[HudsonHawk]

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Two good candidates, but a sheetless waterbed?

Yes, oily, naked bodies tend to roll around much easier *without* the sheets.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

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I am of questionable tastes when it comes to finding public figures attractive (I used to have an intimate relationship with some pictures of Leeza Gibbons) but she is heinous.

Minority of 1, thy name is Hudson.

You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

Wow, I had that same fantasy only it was with Ashleigh Banfield and Tina Fey--with their glasses on, of course.

[Alkie]

Oh MAN.  What ever happened to Ashleigh Banfield??

I'll give you cash money if you let me sit in the room and watch.

Not you, of course.  But the chicks, yes.  Agreed.

[Duke]

You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.



Sounds like a recipe for a delicious and healthful meal in only 30 minuts.

[Rebel Jew]

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Anyway, this guy's main hobby, other than smoking swishers non-stop, was going to the night club Chayns (a bit further west on 1960), and picking up middle-aged ladies, no matter how they looked.  Paul's favorite quote:  "I like women that treat me as a sex slave-- because that's what I am."

Ah...Chayns..it is a veritable cornucopia of middle-aged sexual repression.  It's like the MILF buffet.  And I can definitely identify with Paul.  Back in my college days, my attention among the 30-40 something divorcee set was legendary.

I have one other Chayns story.  Back when I was probably 15, one of my mom's friends split up with her husband because the husband was cheating on her.  This lady wasn't really that good friends with my mom (ironically, the husband later became better friends), and I barely knew who she was, but somehow it ended up that she stayed in our guest room for a couple of nights before moving to Tampa Bay.  So anyway, I was awoken at about 2 or 3 that night, and came out of my room to find that lady and one of her friends stumbling up the stairs to the guest room.  A few minutes later I went to use the bathroom, but someone was in there.  Needless to say, I soon after heard the sounds of regurgitated alcohol.

The next morning, my mom was pissed, and told the lady to leave.  She did, and my mom apologized to me, explaining it away as, "she went to Chayns..."

[strosrays]

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You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

Then there's the 'old school' version of this -- a private Wesson Oil party with Florence Henderson.  Only in my mind, it wasn't ever on a waterbed, but rather on a big polyethylene tarp in the middle of the Brady's living room floor.

At the end we get out a spoon and measure how much oil was absorbed during the process.  Very little, it turns out; proving once again Wesson Oil is the best.

[VirtualBob]

As badly as this thread has deteriorated, I'm beginning to really worry about what might come in "Pt. 2"

[Craig]

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You have to remember, I'm also the one who has this fantasy involving Katie Couric, Rachel Ray and a bottle of baby oil on a sheetless waterbed.

Then there's the 'old school' version of this -- a private Wesson Oil party with Florence Henderson.  Only in my mind, it wasn't ever on a waterbed, but rather on a big polyethylene tarp in the middle of the Brady's living room floor.

At the end we get out a spoon and measure how much oil was absorbed during the process.  Very little, it turns out; proving once again Wesson Oil is the best.

So YOU'RE the one who broke the lamp!

BTW, if Milo Hamilton knew how to use the internets, he'd be totally beating off to this thread.

[MusicMan]

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I'm beginning to really worry about what might come in "Pt. 2"

 

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if Milo Hamilton knew how to use the internets, he'd be totally beating off to this thread.
 

Now you know.

[JimR]

good God Almighty, what a thread!

[VirtualBob]

good God Almighty, what a thread!

Bored today, are we?  2006?

[Limey]

Bored today, are we?  2006?

Resurrected yesterday by Dark Star in the B&Q.

[Fredia]

some how I feel I know things about yall and your preferences than I want or need to knolw