By Craig Elliott
The Astros are wrapping up the home schedule with a long series against the shitbird Jakes. In honor of his last home game as an Astro, Brad Lidge will ignite the finale in the fireworks show. And Morgan Ensberg will just sit and stare.
The Cardinals are 7.5 games up on Cincinnati and could clinch the division during this series. Or they could get their asses kicked and clinch next week. Here's a stat you'll love: Preston Wilson has six homers in 25 games for the Co-Ards. The Jakes have been bad on the road this year (34-43) and just lost two of three in Milwaukee.
When:
Thursday, September 21, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Friday, September 22, 6:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN, ESPN
Saturday, September 23, 6:05 p.m. CDT ? KNWS
Sunday, September 24, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? ESPN
MLB Extra Innings ? Thursday's and Friday's games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. ESPN will show Friday's and Sunday's games, but it looks like no TV Saturday if you're outside the Astros' broadcast area. Or if you have my situation, even if you're in the Astros' home area, you won't get to see the game because Fox Southwest will probably show the fucking Rangers again. Or lately, nothing at all.
I'm down to one or two games a week on the TV now. I got to see way more Astros games when I lived in Las Vegas and had MLBEI, even though I was blacked out by six fucking West Coast teams. Now I live in the Astros' supposed home area and get to see fewer games then ever.
Which means I end up listening to Milo on commercial-free XM for half the games, instead of watching Fox and its advertisers for three hours. But if I lived further away I could watch it on Extra Innings. Brilliant fucking marketing there, MLB.
Where: MMPUS
It's the last home series of the season, so Yvette's got to clean out the goodie locker and start ordering things that rhyme with ?3,000.? This is Fan Appreciation Weekend, plus there will be rally towels, Roger Clemens bobbleheads, fireworks, etc.
Projected Matchups
Chris Carpenter (15-6, 2.79) v. Andy Pettitte (13-13, 4.37)
Carpenter is 5-2 against the Astros, and 1-1 this year. That includes a complete-game shutout of Houston last week. Current Astros are 66-for-275 (.240) against Carpenter, with 21 walks and 55 strikeouts. Biggio is 9-for-28 against him, while Berkman is 5-for-25 with a double and four homers. Mike Lamb is 9-for-25 (.360) with four doubles, a triple, and a homer. Burke and Huff also have homers off Carpenter.
Andy is 2-0 against the Jakes in four appearances this season. He's struck out 15 and walked four. Overall, current Shitbirds are 72-for-267 against Pettitte for a .270 average. Preston Wilson has two homers off him, as does Scott Rolen. Juan Encarnacion has one. Encarnacion is 13-for-35 (.371) against Andy, and Scott ?Red Rocket? Spezio is 10-for-33. Pujols is only 4-for-21 against Pettitte.
Jason Marquis (14-15, 5.82) v. Jason Hirsh (3-4, 5.59)
Marquis is 2-2 against Houston this year with an ERA above 5. He only lasted an inning against the Astros last week, giving up four earned runs on five hits. Lance Berkman is 13-for-25 (.520) against Marquis, with three doubles, a triple, and a homer. Morgan Ensberg is 13-for-28 with three homers. Mike Lamb is only 1-for-16 against him, but the one hit was a homer. Luke Scott is 0-for-7.
Hirsh has never faced the Co-Ards. He only gave up two runs in six innings in his last start, but took the loss anyway.
Anthony Reyes (5-7, 4.92) v. Roy Oswalt (14-8, 3.05)
Reyes has pitched against the Astros twice this season, but has no record and a 5.56 ERA. The Astros are a collective 10-for-37 against him, with a homer from Biggio. Mike Lamb is 2-for-3 against Reyes, and Biggio is 2-for-4. Chris Burke is 2-for-5 with two doubles, and Berkman is also 2-for-5. Morgan Ensberg is 0-for-6 with five strikeouts.
Roy is 7-5 against the Jakes in his career, and 2-1 this year. In four starts against St. Louis this season, Oswalt has a 1.93 ERA over 23+ innings. In career numbers, current Jakes are 67-for-257 (.261) against Roy, with 12 walks and 48 strikeouts. PooHoles is 16-for-51 (.314) against him, with three doubles and three homers. Ronnie Belliard is 5-for-15, and Rolen is 8-for-33.
Jeff Weaver (7-14, 5.84) v. Matt Albers (0-2, 6.00)
Weaver is 4-1 on the road for the Jakes this season. He's 2-3 against the Astros in six career appearances. He went five innings against Houston last week and gave up five earned runs, but got off the hook when Lidge blew the ninth inning.
Mike Lamb is 8-for-24 with two doubles and a homer off Weaver, and Aubrey Huff is 8-for-25 with three doubles. Lance Berkman is only 3-for-17 but has a double and a homer. Ausmus is 6-for-15 against Weaver, and Biggio is 5-for-14. Palmeiro and Burke each have a homer off Weaver also.
Albers has pitched 15 innings for the Astros this season, and given up 17 hits and 10 earned runs. He's walked seven and struck out 11. He's never faced the Co-Ards.
Key injuries:
St. Louis ? Jason Isringhausen, Mark Mulder, Ricardo Rincon, Rick Ankiel, and Larry Bigbie are out for the season. Jim Edmonds probably is too, but he can't remember which season it is. David Eckstein is limited to pinch-hitting and kickoff coverage.
Houston ? Roy Oswalt has a neck problem but should be able to start. Willy Taveras is questionable.
