By Craig Elliott
The Astros just won two series AND had a winning roadtrip. August must finally be here. The teetering Reds are only 3.5 games ahead of Houston now, and the Jakes are 8 games ahead. Lance Berkman is still hitting everything in sight, despite having to be wheeled around the bases in a wagon by Jose Cruz.
The Pirates have the worst record in the National League, and are ahead of only the Royals in all Major League Baseball. Plus they even broke up the band and traded Nancy Wilson to the Yankees. But if we could just trade OUR Wilson to the Pirates, then they could restart the band ... nah, nevermind.
When:
Tuesday, August 8, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Wednesday, August 9, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Thursday, August 10, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
MLB Extra Innings ? All three games will be on the Fox Southwest broadcast. Which is fine with me, because the Pittsburgh guys will only be talking about the fucking Steelers anyway. I wonder if Ben Roethlisberger has recorded a public service announcement yet about wearing a goddamn helmet.
Where: MMPUS
Monday was the Astros' last day off for three weeks. This is the beginning of a three-series homestand, and except for this weekend's set with the Padres, the rest of the month will be played against the Central. Most of it against the bottom third of the Central (assuming the Brewers stay in fourth place where they belong).
When the Pirates are in town, Double Play Tuesday with its cheap hot dogs is, of course, also still known as ?Derek Bell Throwback Day.? At least they're Earl Campbell's hot dogs. The rest of the promos for this series are pretty lame: teddy bears for kids on Wednesday, and lanyards on Thursday. Meh. Good enough for a mid-week series with the Pirates, I guess.
Projected Matchups
Paul Maholm (4-9, 4.83) v. Brandon Backe (2-1, 4.38)
Maholm (rhymes with ?a Gollum?) is 0-1 against Houston with a fat-ass double-digit ERA (10.13). But supposedly he's made some mechanical adjustments recently and has looked much better in his last two starts. Current Astros are a whopping 15-for-32 (.469) against him, with homers from Ensberg and Biggio. Ensberg, Lamb, and Munson are all 2-for-3 against him, Jason Lane is 2-for-2, and Biggio is 1-for-1 with a homer and four walks.
Backe held the Padres to one earned run in 7+ innings in his last start. He is 2-1 in three starts against the Pirates. Active Bucs only bat .217 (13-for-60) against him with homers from Jason Bay and Xavier Nady. Jeromy Burnitz is 3-for-8 with a double, and Joe Randa is 3-for-9 with a double.
Shawn Chacon (6-3, 6.62) v. Roy Oswalt (8-7, 3.34)
Chacon came over from the Yankees at the deadline after being traded for Nancy. In his only start so far for Pittsburgh, he went five innings, gave up one run, and got a win against the ATL. He's 1-2 against Houston in three appearances. Berkman is 4-for-11 (.364) against Chacon and Adam Everett is 1-for-2. Biggio, Ausmus, Lamb, Huff, Ensberg, Munson, and Wilson are a combined 5-for-32 against him.
Roy is 8-5 against the Pirates overall and 1-0 this year. In his last start, Roy gave up 12 hits and 4 earned runs in 6 innings, getting another no-decision. Current Pirates are 53-for-180 (.294) against him, but with only one homer (from Jose Hernandez). Jason Bay is 7-for-18 (.389) with two doubles off Oswalt, while Dirty Freddie Sanchez is 5-for-13, also with two doubles. Ann Wilson is 17-for-48 (.354) with three doubles and a triple. On the other hand, Burnitz is 6-for-27 (.222) with one walk and 11 strikeouts, and Nady is 1-for-11 (.091).
Tom Gorzelanny (2-2, 4.41) v. Roger Clemens (3-4, 2.32)
Gorzelanny, a lefty, is 0-1 against Houston with an ERA of 10.38. In his one start against the Astros last September, he lasted 4.1 innings and gave up five earned runs on seven hits. He got called up again from Indianapolis about six weeks ago and hasn't faced the Astros this year. Only a few Astros have faced him before, but they're a combined 7-for-17, with a homer from Ensberg. Ausmus and Everett are both 2-for-2 against him, and Berkman is 2-for-3.
Roger got a win in his last start after finally getting some run support. He's 3-1 against the Buccos in six appearances. Current Pirates are 35-for-128 (.273) against him. Burnitz is 9-for-26 (.346) with two doubles and two homers, while Randa is 12-for-44 with three homers (and 11 strikeouts). Dirty Sanchez is 3-for-6 with two doubles and a homer. On the low end, Ann Wilson is 4-for-17 against him, and Bay is only 2-for-11.
Key injuries:
Pittsburgh ? Jody Gerut is out for the season with a bug up his ass. Ryan Doumit, John Van Benschoten, and Brian Bullington are out until mid-August.
Houston ? Jeff Bagwell is rehabbing in San Diego, using his shoulder to lift delicious fish tacos.
