By Craig Elliott
I'm keeping this one short because I just had PRK laser eye surgery and it takes like a week to heal. And in the meantime my vision is all blurry and hazy and my eyes twitch. Sort of like Jason Lane trying to pick up a curveball.
It's a good thing I had a shitload of painkillers this weekend, because that's really the only way to handle a home sweep by the goddamn fucking Reds. Four RBI from Bronson Arroyo??? Some pissant Red can become an Astro-Killer overnight? Are you F'reel?
But at least we aren't the Chicago Cubs. What a steaming pile their season has become. It's like Mrs. O'Leary's Cow kicked over a giant shitbucket instead of the lantern. The Cubs did take 2 of 3 from the Jakes over the weekend, but they're still 12+ games out in the standings, and only 2 ahead of the Pirates.
When:
Monday, June 5, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Tuesday, June 6, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN
Wednesday, June 7, 1:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN, ESPN
MLB Extra Innings ? All three games will be on Fox Southwest. Unless they get pre-empted by the irrelevant Rangers, which is happening a lot to me lately.
Where: MMPUS
Free T-Shirts on Wednesday. Also watch for details of the upcoming Orgy o' Roger sales event, where everyone entering Minute Maid will be required to display at least 22 pieces of Roger flair.
Projected Matchups
I'm using the projected pitchers from the Astros' website, but obviously they could change, depending upon Roy's back.
Carlos Zambrano (3-3, 3.42) v. Taylor Buchholz (3-4, 5.55)
Zambrano is 5-5 against the Astros. He lost his last decision to the Reds, but who hasn't? Berkman is only 6-for-35 with 10 strikeouts againsr Zambrano, but he also has 3 homers. Biggio is 11-for-31 (.355) with 2 homers, and Mike Lamb is 6-for-14 with a homer. Adam Everett is 2-for-19, and Preston Wilson is 2-for-12.
Buchholz got a no-decision in his last start, and hasn't won since May 21.
Kerry Wood (1-1, 4.50) v. Wandy Rodriguez (6-3, 4.81)
Wood won his last outing, his first win in nearly a year. He's 5-6 against the Astros in 15 appearances. Berkman has 2 homers off Wood, and Biggio has 1. Preston Wilson is 4-for-10 with a homer, and Mike Lamb is 2-for-4 with a homer.
Wandy got a cockpunch from the Reds in his last start, giving up 7 ER in just over an inning. He's 1-3 against the Cubs, with an ERA above 6. Matt Murton is 3-for-6 with 2 homers off Wandy, and Todd Walker is 2-for-5 with a homer. Neifi Perez is 1-for-9 and Michael Barrettt is 2-for-10.
Sean Marshall (3-4, 4.80) v. TBA
Marshall is a rookie lefty who's never faced the Astros. He got a no-decision against the Jakes his last time out, and had two losses before that.
Maybe Roy will start this game, but who knows.
Key injuries:
Chicago ? Whitey Wade Miller, Derrek Lee, and Scott Williamson are all out until at least mid-June. Angel Pagan is out until the Solstice. Mark Prior is on a rehab assignment. Kerry Wood is probable for his start in this series.
Houston ? Backe and Bagwell are still on the DL. Roy Oswalt will start when his back is ready..
