By Craig the BastardAlright Astros fans, the moment is at hand. The 3rdinals are ready to drop and it?s time for the knockout punch. The Astros have got three games to do it, but fuck that. Today?s the day to put the Jakes on the deck. Right now. End it here, tonight, and claim the team?s first National League pennant.
It won?t be easy, because Chris Carpenter is pitching for St. Louis. The Co-Ards are cornered and desperate, and they?re going to be pull every bizarro stunt in the Tank Commander?s playbook to try to steal this game.
But the Astros are countering with Starin? Andy Pettitte, who is made to pitch in games like this. So pull your hat down low and give ?em the ol? stinkeye ? today?s the day we drag the Jakes kicking and whining to the chopping block. And drop the ax on their bulging, twitching necks.
When:Monday, October 16, 7:00 p.m. CDT ? Fox
Where: MMPUSThis should be a wild one today. I hope you got a ticket.
Matchup
Chris Carpenter v. Andy PettitteThe Grass Carp has been an Astro-Killer all season, going 4-0 against Houston in the regular season and getting the win in Game One. In the first game in St. Louis, the Carp went 8 innings and gave up only five hits and two runs. Burke hit the moonshot homer off Carp, and Berkman and Ensberg each had a double.
Overall, Biggio is our best hitter against Carpenter at 8-for-22 (.364). Mike Lamb is 6-for-18 (.333) with four doubles and a homer. Berkman only has four regular season hits off Carpenter in 15 at-bats, but three of the hits were homers and the other was a double.
Andy took the loss in Game One against Carp, giving up 5 earned runs in 6 innings. He also gave up the curtain-call homer to Ballerina Sanders. Pettitte was a little wobbly in Game One after being hit on the knee in batting practice.
Eyechart Grudzielanek is the Co-Ards? best regular-season hitter against Andy. He has 7 hits in 19 AB?s, including a double and a homer. PooHoles and Fat Lip Edmonds are a combined 5-for-42 against Pettitte. Sanders is 3-for-7 with two homers, and that doesn?t include the Game One homer.
Players to Watch:? I don?t know if we?ll see Lidge again today but he?s been fucking huge so far this series, despite getting in some jams. In overall regular season stats, current Jakes bat .099 against him, with only 7 hits in 71 at-bats. They also have 30 strikeouts.
? Yeah, LaGenius? brilliant plan to influence the umpires is going well. I wouldn?t be surprised tonight if he spontaneously burst into flames and set the bunting on fire.
? Anaheim Jimmy also gets a special mention for unbelievably getting himself tossed in the middle of a crucial at-bat. Maybe it was a bad call, maybe it wasn?t, but it was still just a ball until the Fat Lips started flapping.
Key injuries:
St. Louis ? Nunez is still day-to-day.
Houston ? None
Other shitIn watching the ALCS, I came up with another Separated at Birth:
Paul Byrd
and
Hank the Angry Dwarf
