By Craig the Bastard
Well, Alkie ran off our other previewer so I?m ending my brief vacation. This preview?s going to be quick and dirty, since I didn?t know I was writing it until 3 hours before gametime.
Anyway, here we are back in a wildcard tie with the Phucking Phillies and everyone else in the NL East. Check that, we?re a half-game behind the Phillies because they played early Thursday. Well fuck.
Goddamn it, it?s time to throw off this funk we?ve been in for the homestand and take charge again. And look who just pulled into the station. The Brewers are here just in time to have their sacks ground into sausage and force-fed to the entire NL East. Open wide, you Eastern pricks.
Vienna, vidi, vici.
I came, I sausage, I conquered.
When:
Thursday, August 18, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN-HD, ESPN
Friday, August 19, 7:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN-HD
Saturday, August 20, 6:05 p.m. CDT ? KNWS
Sunday, August 21, 1:05 p.m. CDT ? FSN-HD
MLB Extra Innings ? I can?t tell because their website is fucked up again.
Where: MMPUS
Yvette is reaching deep into her fun-bag this weekend, and it?s the mother-lode of giveaways. Thursday night is tire certificates, which doesn?t sound so hot, but I could have used a visit from Yvette last week when I bought a new set. Of tires.
Also, Friday?s promo is Roger Clemens T-shirts, Saturday?s is Jeff Bagwell figurines, and Sunday is photo day. Holy Toledo, Yvette, good job! She?s really milking this series for all it?s worth. Put a blue star on both of those babies.
Projected Matchups
Tomo Ohka (7-7, 3.82) v. Roger Clemens (11-4, 1.32)
Okra is 0-2 against the Astros with a 7.71 ERA. But current Astros are only 7-for-29 (.241) against him, and 3 of those 7 hits came from Jeff Bagwell. Ausmus is 2-for-5 against Okra, and Berkman is 1-for-4. Lamb, Biggio, and Palmeiro are a combined 0-for-11.
Clemens is 18-10 against the Brewers, dating back to when they wore baby-blue uniforms and had rovers. He hasn?t faced them this year though. Roger has won his last four decisions, despite the back trouble from trying to dig up some run support.
Current Brewers are 20-for-112 (.179) against Clemens. The only Brewer who?s hit him well is Brady Clark (3-for-5) and he?s on the DL. Moeller, Overbay, Jenkins, and Helms are a combined 3-for-37 against Roger. Russell Branyan is only 3-for-15 against Clemens, but he does have two homers.
Doug Davis (9-8, 4.20) v. Ezequiel Astacio (2-6, 6.66)
Davis is 2-6 against the Astros overall, and 1-1 this year. Davis could get RCAPped in the head today, as Adam Everett is 7-for-19 (.368) with two doubles against him, while Brad Ausmus is 5-for-16 (.313). And if that doesn?t work, Lance Berkman is 9-for-22 with two homers. However, Jeff Bagwell is 2-for-23 against Davis. Way to belly up to the barzilla, Baggy.
Half the OWA could have gotten Zeke?s autograph when he got drunk and sat behind them at the game earlier this week. But they were drunk too and kept looking at Maybelline?s tits. (BTW, ?Ezequiel? is way too fucking hard to type, so from now on I?m just calling him ?Zeke.?)
So Zeke has lost his last two starts, giving up 9 earned runs in 10 innings. Back in late May he pitched an inning of relief against the Brewers and gave up two earned runs.
Ben Sheets (8-9, 3.54) v. Wandy Rodriguez (8-5, 6.09)
Sheets is 8-6 against Houston, but 0-2 this year. Now here?s an interesting stat: Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio are both 9-for-42 (.214) against Sheets. But Bagwell has four doubles and a homer, while Biggio has four homers and a double. Meanwhile Berkman is 13-for-37 (.351) with three homers against Sheets, and Everett is 7-for-20 (.350).
Wandy has won four of his last five decisions, partially because he?s getting the run support Roger can?t find. Wandy is 1-0 against the Brewers, which I think was also his first Major League win. Geoff Jenkins and Brady Clark were both 2-for-3 against him.
Victor Santos (4-11, 4.21) v. Andy Pettitte (10-9, 2.67)
Santos is 0-1 against the Astros, but we haven?t seen him this year. He had a string of six losses in June and July, but has gotten two wins since then. Current Astros are 8-for-25 against him, including Ensberg at 3-for-4 and Lane at 2-for-3. Berkman also has a homer off Santos.
Andy is 5-2 against Milwaukee, and 2-0 this year. Current Brewers are 33-for-102 (.324) against Pettitte, but most of those ABs come from two guys ? Jeff Cirillo (who is hurt) and Carlos Lee (8-for-27, .296).
Key injuries:
Milwaukee ? Brady Clark, Jeff Cirillo, Julio Santana, and Matt Wise are all on the DL and could be back next week. But not for this series.
Houston ? Clemens has a sore back, probably from having to carry the offense every fifth day. Backe and Bagwell are still inching along.
