Pittsburgh Pirates Series PreviewThe BasicsWhat: Astros/Pirates 3-Game series
When: Friday, August 12th at 7:05, FSSW
Saturday, August 13th at 6:05, No TV (Cue HD and his Houston Bush-necks form letter for the Sunday Letter?s to the Sports Editor in the Chronicle)
Sunday, August 14th at 1:05, FSSW
Where: MMPUS. In my leave of absence this summer, I missed the retirement of Jimmy Wynn?s #24. What was the general consensus of the TZ freaks? Me, I have zero idea why they retired his number. And why they would retire it now of all times. Yeah he was a great player, one of the more under-rated players of the past 40 years or so. But was he a greater Astro than Cedeno, Niekro or Richard? I find it odd that we have all these retired numbers (not to include Wilson/Umbrecht) of players who, while good players, aren?t sniffing the HOF?Scott, Cruz, Dierker and Ryan. And don?t give me any of that Ryan bull shit?he?s not in the HOF because of what he did in Houston. And now Wynn. Basically, what I?m saying is that when you retire the numbers of the ?very goods?, it dampens the impact of the retirement of the real super-duper stars? numbers. Scott, Cruz and Wynn are great players, but they aren?t in the same class as Bagwell/Biggio. A gesture to reach out to the African-American community? A belated tip of the cap to a great player who last put on Astros uniform more than 30 years ago? A way to sell tickets?
The Pitching MatchupsGame 1 Roy Oswalt versus Zach Duke
Game 2 Roger Clemens versus Kip Wells
Game 3 Zeke Astacio versus Dave Williams
Pirates Update (key players and starting pitchers)The more things change, the more they stay the same. Man, the Pirates are one shitty fucking baseball organization. Fucking. Worthless.
OK, they may be a bit harsh. From all accounts their stadium kicks ass. And Littlefield has been serving up his fat, mushy ass for Hendry to pound on an annual basis. Need some power at a corner IF and a legit CF after yours tears his ACL. ErrorMiss and Lofton for Bobby Hill, a couple of plants and a bag of Hostess Cupcakes. Need a corner OF with good on-base skills? Matt Lawton for Jody Gerut. Not sure how he managed to get Bay/Perez for Too Many Mile, Brian Giles. Towers must have been on a bender.
You know Bay, Perez, Duke and anyone worth a shit is counting the days until they can get the fuck outta Pittsburgh. Well, maybe not Bay. He?s Canadian so Shittburgh probably feels like Bermuda to him.
Zach Duke--With Dukes of Hazzard mania sweeping the red states, look for the Chronicle to have some lame ass headline about Zach, Bo, Luke, Daisy and Uncle Jessie. He?s having a hell of a year, though. And given that he?s a rookie they?ve never seen before, expect the Astros to make him look like the second coming of Cy Young. Also, in years past the Astros have crushed lefties with their predominant right handed hitting lineup (some combo of Biggio, Bagwell, Kent, Alou, Doggy with the switch-hitting Berkman and Beltran). Now, I think their lefty lineup is better than their righty lineup. Stat o the night for Duke?2 HRs in nearly 50 IP.
Kip Wells?We?ve faced him numerous times, and he has a career ERA close to 5.00 against the Astros, though he pitched well against the Mud?n Blood earlier in the season. But let?s cut the crap?Wells has become just another pitcher in this league. The Pirates should have moved him 2 years ago when he was still good and cheap. Now, he?s expensive, with an ERA increasing year after year, and probably ready to bolt the Pirates for greener pastures.
Dave Williams?Leads the Pirates in ERA (amongst those who have enough IP to qualify). Got pounded last time he faced the Astros (10 hits and 5 runs in 5 innings) in July. He?s dog shit, but serviceable left handed dog shit (SLHDS). SLHDS will be employed by a major league team for a minimum of 10 years. I think that is included in the CBA.
Jason Bay?the only everyday player on the Pirates I?d want on the Astros. Cota, Ward, Sanchez, Macowiak, Redman, the Wilson sisters, Gerut (now injured and on the DL), Restovich, Castillo? How much would you give up to get Bay? Patton/Wandy/Burke? Nieve/Astacio?
Astros Update2.5 game lead in the Wild Card race, over the Phucking Phils of all teams. Personally, I think the Marlins are the team that will make the best run out of the NL East.
Taking 2 of 3 versus the Nats was just what the doctor ordered. Pettitte was looking strong last night and Biggio seems to be swinging the bat well the last couple of games. Meanwhile, Orlando Palmeiro is hitting like he should have last year (for those keeping track, OP?s 2004 campaign is why Alkie currently has my left nut).
Bagwell talk has heated up lately. I hope he?s able to swing the bat for the Astros in September, even if its nothing more than a RH hitter with good OBP skills coming off the bench.
Odds the Purpura nabs another bully arm for the stretch drive?65%.
What?s on Foggy?s mind? Crazy week in baseball. First you had the over-turn of Kenny Rogers? suspension. My take?props to the Union for sticking up for their member. Props to the arbitrator for telling Selig to fuck himself and forcing him to follow the regulations in the CBA.
Next, you had the first of several plays of the year candidates?the sensational David Wright bare-handed catch. Fan-fucking-tastic. Easily the catch of the year.
Next up was Mike Lowell pulling off the hidden-ball trick.
3rd up was K-Rod not catching a throw back from the catcher, allowing the winning run to score from 3rd Base and the Angels falling out of 1st place.
Finally, there was the awesome head first crash between Cameron and Beltran. Brutal, just a fucking brutal crash. But pretty fucking good t.v., especially with a TIVO so you can rerun it over and over again in slow motion.
5 Fearless Fantasy Football Forecasts (Yes, Its that time of year again)1) Dominick Davis will be a top 5 RB this year (LT, Alexander, Lewis and Edge are the other 4).
2) I never like taking QBs early, but this year I?d make an exception. There is such a huge drop off from the big 3 to the rest, I?d try to get one of Manning/Culpepper/McNabb. Use a late 1st rounder on Manning, an early second rounder on Culpepper, or a second rounder on McNabb.
3) I don?t think any of the 3 1-st round draft pick RBs are going to be huge producers this year. In fact, I think Gore/Clarett/Arrington will outproduce Benson/Brown/Williams.
4) Nate Burleson will have a huge year as the new #1 WR for the Vikings. But then again everyone thinks so?I?ve seen him ranked as high as an overall top 25 pick in some of the pre-season magazines. Get him if you can, but don?t over-spend for him. If he?s available in the 4th round in your draft?take him.
5) Look for the Jets to win the challenge trade of Santana Moss for Laverneus Coles. Coles and Pennington had great chemistry a couple of years ago. So while I think Moss is the more talented of the two, Coles will have the better year (80 catches, 1200 yards and 10 TDs).
1 Topic for TZ DiscussionThe movie of the summer is finally here.
Fuck Star Wars. Fuck Batman Begins. War of the Worlds can tongue my saggy bag. Willie Wonka? Wedding Crashers? Fantastic Four? All can eat a hot bag of shit.
That?s right, motherfuckers. It is here. Punks and Ho?s, get ready for?.The Aristocrats. I?ll let you do your own internet search about it, but here?s a little bit of the documentary.
Here are Kyle, Stan and Cartman with their version of The Aristocrats?
The Link
