Warning, boring massage story ahead... be warned, pull the eject cord on this post in five, four, three, two....
Holy crap, why did Alkie never tell us a story of broken bones with all the rub girls we provided him! That guy was wiry and quick I suppose. So last week I could not sleep because of a muscle spasm in my upper back near the shoulder blade. The muscle knot, about the size of a pea but very pronounced, would push against a nerve when I would lay down to sleep... shooting some major pain down my right arm. The only time the knot would not pinch the nerve was when I was standing up and the only thing I felt was the soreness from the muscle. I tried everything to get rid of the knot, looked at every youtube video from a physical therapist on how to work the muscle spasm into submission. When I got tired of not sleeping, I finally relented and went to my family doctor and
begged... errr... asked for painkillers or even a cortisone shot. Doc said only an orthopedist can inject cortisone and he recommended one. I called the doctor to make an appointment and he said he'd see me late June. WTF! I'm in pain now... so shoot me up now... not in late June. He said get in line. Apparently sports-related injuries of this kind are common. Yes, I hurt my shoulder/upper back working out and playing/practicing for a National Tournamet for volleyball in June. What made it worse was the advice the ortho-doc gave me "Hey, there are a ton of great videos on YouTube on how to work that muscle spasm out. You should try looking at some of them." Ugh! Oddly enough, I went back and noticed one titled "Give yourself a massage to work out knots in your back". Okay, you've peaked my interest.
Apparently there are methods to self-massage yourself (back away people, I'm not talking about that... stay with me). There are also tools that physical therapist use including
this contraption. Straight out of the old English torture chambers looks like... or something used in filthy shades of gray. Any how, I decided why not pay someone to go ahead and give me an upper shoulder/back massage. After looking through where to go and discounting almost all of them, I found a place... at Whole Foods. So off I went. I walk in (no appointment necessary), tell the burly 5'8" Russian bald dude (I think he was Russian, he had an accent) "Massage now, upper right side, back... stat!" So he sat me on a chair, said he charged by increments of 20 minutes, I said fine because I figured he can work out a knot the size of a pea in 20. "Deal" says I and let the massaging begin!
I put my face into the chair head rest leaning forward onto a circular oh-ring shaped cushion. Oh-ring because that is the sound I kept making when he started the deep rub. He stopped several times to gently and kindly tell me to "man up and stop crying!" (not in those precise words, but the meaning was clear). He had some serious massaging to do to get that bugger. I don't know this for a fact but I suspect muscle spasms have a mind of their own and dodge and weave in order to avoid the roaming hands of a professional massuse. He went at the muscle from every angle possible including one very uncomfortable (for me) position from the front of the chair while stepping up a few pegs on the front of the chair legs to get leverage. Now the "oh" yelps were for a very different reason, man croutch is not very complimentary to having to pay for this treatment. I wanted a discount for having to endure this procedure. But he was determined and he went after that knot. And I will admit there were a few times I felt the wind go out of my lungs with the attack mode he used to get that knot to tap out. After twenty minutes he asked if I felt better and I said "Yes" through the tears. I stood up and he had to catch me because I almost went to my knees from the shear trauma of being beat up from the neck to shoulder area. And I paid him.
A day later the knot came back. Damnit! I have to admit the cortisone shot being administered by some shady underground, fight-club, nefarious means was very inviting to me. But I was given muscle relaxers by my own doctor the first time I saw him and within three days, the knot had relented and now after five days it's gone. Or is in hiding for now. I'll always remember my very first massage for possibly all the wrong reasons. I did feel better for a few hours that day, but also felt the need to shower away the shame and tears as well... several times.
What were we talking about again.... I forgot.
