Author Topic: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"  (Read 2093 times)

BizidyDizidy

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Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« on: November 21, 2016, 03:44:04 pm »
BREAKING: After masturbating a teammate in hazing incident, Rangers prospects facing charges

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/sources-rangers-prospects-questioned-for-allegedly-sexually-hazing-underage-teammate-210055315.html

Choice WTF quotes:

Quote
While prosecutors in the Dominican Republic have yet to press charges for the alleged assault, they told the court they intend to charge at least four players who held down a teammate and masturbated him, sources told Yahoo Sports.

Quote
Among those expected to be charged are the younger brother of Rangers second baseman Rougned Odor, also named Rougned
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
  -  Orson Welles

hostros7

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2016, 04:19:00 pm »
If you're not doing it to yourself, it's technically an HJ. Sloppy reporting.


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Reuben

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2016, 07:30:13 pm »
Gang-raping an underage teammate? WTF indeed.
"Come check us out in the Game Zone. We don’t bite. Unless you say something idiotic." -Mr. Happy

pots

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2016, 10:28:38 pm »
What the heck would make someone want to do that?  Not sure what is worse in that situation the victim or the hazer. 

Craig

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2016, 12:27:33 am »
I've heard of Soggy Cookie before, but it takes five Rangers to play Soggy Rookie.

Knoxbanedoodle

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2016, 08:25:11 am »
"This is my brother, Rougned. This is my other brother, Rougned."

MikeyBoy

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2016, 10:36:19 am »
I always knew the Rangers were a bunch of jackoffs.
"Buenos Dias, shitheads."

Ty in Tampa

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2016, 01:50:02 pm »
This gives "rougned" a whole new meaning.
"You want me broken. You want me dead.
I'm living rent-free in the back of your head."

Col. Sphinx Drummond

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2016, 02:10:42 pm »
Man oh man, that is some fucked-up shit!
Everyone's talking, few of them know
The rest are pretending, they put on a show
And if there's a message I guess this is it
Truth isn't easy, the easy part's shit

Fredia

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forever is composed entirely of nows

HudsonHawk

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #10 on: November 22, 2016, 08:12:36 pm »
How was this even selected as the appropriate hazing ritual?

Player A:  "How should we initiate the new guy?"

Player B:  "Hey I know...we could hold him down and jerk him off"
The rules of distinction were thrown out with the baseball cap.  It does not lend itself to protocol.  It is found today on youth in homes, classrooms, even in fine restaurants.  Regardless of its other consequences, this is a breach against civility.  A civilized man should avoid this mania.

juliogotay

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Re: Today in "You Can't Make This Shit Up"
« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2016, 10:11:48 am »
The Dallas News reporting this morning that the incident involved 4 Rangers prospects accused of sexually assaulting six underage teammates. Authorities declined to provide details of the alleged incident. The suspects reportedly posted an image on social media showing the alleged sexual assault.