Snakes @ Astros June 1, 2016

[Mr. Happy]

Your lineups for tonight's tilt:

Snakes

2BJean Segura (R)
CFMichael Bourn (L)
1BP. Goldschmidt (R)
3BJake Lamb (L)
DHRickie Weeks (R)
CChris Herrmann (L)
SSChris Owings (R)
LFYasmany Tomas (R)
RFBrandon Drury (R)

ARI: Robbie Ray (L)  (2-4, 4.67)

Astros

RF George Springer (R)
2B Jose Altuve (R)
SS Carlos Correa (R)
C Evan Gattis (R)
1B Marwin Gonzalez (S)
3B Luis Valbuena (L)
CF Carlos Gomez (R)
DH Tyler White (R)
LF Jake Marisnick (R)

HOU: Mike Fiers (R)  (3-3, 5.20)

[BudGirl]

DHRickie Weeks JR (R)

According to the radio gents yesterday, he wants to be called Rickie Weeks Jr.  He has a kid Rickie Weeks III.

[HudsonHawk]

According to the radio gents yesterday, he wants to be called Rickie Weeks Jr.  He has a kid Rickie Weeks III.

Hopefully he's not like Raul Mondesi, Jr. who has a brother named...wait for it...Raul Mondesi, Jr.

[MusicMan]

Hopefully he's not like Raul Mondesi, Jr. who has a brother named...wait for it...Raul Mondesi, Jr.

This is my brother Larry... And my other brother Larry.

[hostros7]

Fiers starts us off by walking the lead-off batter, but the caveman throws a frozen stone to nab segura trying to steal 2nd.


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[HudsonHawk]

T1:

Segura walks
Segura thrown out trying to steal 2B
Bourn walks
Goldschmidt singles to CF, Bourn to 2B, trying for third...out 8-5
Lamb strikes out swinging

Snakes run themselves out of an inning...no score

[HudsonHawk]

Congrats to the DBacks...they've now pushed the Astros' rainbow gut uniforms into second place on the list of most hideous uniforms in the history of humankind. 

[HudsonHawk]

B1:

Springer grounds out 3U...bat explodes, part of it hits the pitcher...trainer out...Ray will stay in
Altuve doubles to LCF
Correa...2-0...takes meatball right down the center...takes another meatball right down the center...strikes out swinging at a pitch off the plate.
Gattis grounds out 5-3

No score. 

[WVastro]

Wings on the Webber kettle, Lagunitas Pils in hand, get to watch the whole game today.... Summer is here!

[hostros7]

Congrats to the DBacks...they've now pushed the Astros' rainbow gut uniforms into second place on the list of most hideous uniforms in the history of humankind.

I had accepted the general concept as the pioneer "new school" uniform design and filed it under the list of things I can't comprehend the appeal of that are seemingly popular like posting solo selfies on social media, snapchat, dick pics, and posting solo selfie dick pics on snap chat. Your comparison gives me hope that they will be a short lived fad.

[WVastro]

Congrats to the DBacks...they've now pushed the Astros' rainbow gut uniforms into second place on the list of most hideous uniforms in the history of humankind.

They make me want to adjust the colors on my tv...

[WVastro]

I had accepted the general concept as the pioneer "new school" uniform design and filed it under the list of things I can't comprehend the appeal of like posting solo selfies on social media, snapchat, dick pics, and posting solo selfie dick pics on snap chat. Your comparison gives me hope that they will be a short lived fad.

I take most of my dick picks with my selfie stick.

[HudsonHawk]

T2:

Weeks flies out F8
Herrmann grounds out 6-3
Owings strikes out looking

No score

[hostros7]

According to the infographic, opponents are hitting >.450 off Fiers's fastball.


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[juliogotay]

I take most of my dick picks with my selfie stick.

a little humility would do you good.

 

[HudsonHawk]

I take most of my dick picks with my selfie stick.

My dick *is* my selfie stick. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Congrats to the DBacks...they've now pushed the Astros' rainbow gut uniforms into second place on the list of most hideous uniforms in the history of humankind.

Nothing is worse than the mustard and chocolate mess the Padres once trotted out.

[hostros7]

I take most of my dick picks with my selfie stick.

While I don't profess to know the appeal of dick pics, my guess is that you would be better served by zooming in than by panning out.

[hostros7]

I thought Bourn was supposed to be headed to the baseball glue factory. Guy looks like he still can giddy up and get it.


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[WVastro]

My dick *is* my selfie stick.

That's what I was going for but my "humor" requires mind reading.

[WVastro]

Bourn knows how to play CF here. Damn.

[HudsonHawk]

B2:

Marwin flies out F8 as Bourn crashes into the wall 416 feet from the plate
Valbuena grounds to 2B...flips bat and admires it...nice diving stab and 4-3...Valbuena limping down the line
Gomez grounds out 6-3

No score after two

[hostros7]

Ashby is somehow even worse at color than he is at PBP. The Astros would be better off randomly selecting rotating OWA members to fill in.


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I don't mind the Diamondbacks uni.

[HudsonHawk]

Snakes with 2 on...1 out...Fiers all over the fucking place

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Fiers all over the fucking place

And more.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Lot of leather flashing in the outfield tonight.

[HudsonHawk]

T3:

Tomas strikes out swinging
Drury singles to CF
Segura singles to LF, Drury to 2B
Bourn flies out to CF on a leaping grab at the  wall by Gomez, Drury to 3B
Drury scores on a wild pitch, Segura to 2B
Goldschmidt flies out F7 on a diving catch by Marisnick

1-0 Snakes

[Jacksonian]

My dick *is* my selfie stick.

So you specialize in close ups.

[hostros7]

And more.

He's fucking fantastically lucky to have only given up one run so far. The defense and diamondback runner penis-cleatings have combined to save at least 3 runs.

[HudsonHawk]

Lot of leather flashing in the outfield tonight.

By all rights, Fiers should be behind about 5-0 still in the second inning.

[Jacksonian]

I take most of my dick picks with my selfie stick.

Prefer the background to the subject eh?

[HudsonHawk]

Astros put a pair on with one out...

[HudsonHawk]

Back to back 4-pitch walks loads the bases for Correa...

[hostros7]

If ray learned anything from Correa's last at bat, he'll try to fool him with fastballs over the heart of the plate.


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[HudsonHawk]

B3:

White reaches on a TE5
Marisnick sac bunt...1-3, White to 2B
Springer walks on four pitches
Altuve...3-0...walks on four pitches
Correa...first pitch swinging at a pitch off the plate...foul...works the count full...strikes out swinging at a pitch 4 feet off the plate.
Gattis strikes out swinging at a pitch over his head.

Pathetic

1-0 DBacks

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Ashby is critical Correa of not swinging at a ball out of the zone on a 2-2 count, saying it sets you up for swinging at the next ball out of the zone. That is some kind of analysis there.

[HudsonHawk]

So to Springer, Altuve, Correa and Gattis...Ray threw 18 pitches...two of them for strikes....and gets two outs. 

[HudsonHawk]

T4:

Lamb grounds out 5-3
Weeks with a check swing roller out in front of the plate...Gattis pounces on it and throws him out 2-3
Herrmann strikes out swinging

1-0 DBacks

[hostros7]

Gomez has played his best 4 innings of the season so far.


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[HudsonHawk]

B4:

Marwin flies out to shallow RF
Valbuena grounds out 4-3
Gomez singles on a line drive off the LF scoreboard
Gomez steals 2B
White strikes out swinging

1-0 DBacks

[HudsonHawk]

T5:

Owings grounds out 5-3
Tomas singles to CF
Drury strikes out looking, as Tomas is thrown out 2-4 trying to steal 2B

1-0 still

[BudGirl]

For such shitty pitching by both pitchers I can't believe this is a one run game.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Correa needs a good ab here.

[NeilT]

Correa needs a good ab here.

Correa looks completely random.

[NeilT]

Correa looks completely random.

You can thank me for that.

[hostros7]

Bagwellian slide by Altuve.


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[Jacksonian]

You can thank me for that.

I was going to thank Sphinx.

[hostros7]

Crushed!!


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Captain Caaaavvveeemmmaaaann!!!!

[NeilT]

I was going to thank Sphinx.

But I believe in myself as a team.

[BudGirl]

I made a comment about the shitty pitching. Where's my credit?

[Jacksonian]

I made a comment about the shitty pitching. Where's my credit?

Thank you

[HudsonHawk]

T5:

Marisnick grounds out 6-3
Springer strikes out swinging
Altuve doubles down the 3B line
Correa singles to RF, Altuve scores, Correa to 2B on the throw
Gattis homers to LF, Correa scores
Marwin singles to RF
Marwin swipes 2B
Valbuena strikes out swinging

3-1 Astros

[HudsonHawk]

I took a selfie with my dick...where's my credit?

[HudsonHawk]

Someone do PBP...I gotta get a drink

[hostros7]

I took a selfie with my dick...where's my credit?

That should be autoerotic.

[NeilT]

I took a selfie with my dick...where's my credit?

You've clearly satisfied yourself. 

[Jacksonian]

I took a selfie with my dick...where's my credit?

Thank you for not sharing the pic.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I took a selfie with my dick...where's my credit?

I give you credit for using your dick and not someone else's. NTTAWWI.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Goldschmidt got a screw job by the ump. They hate to see a batter assume ball four before the call is made and seem to delight in calling a close pitch a strike. They'll do it to a pitcher too when he thinks he has an inning ending strike out and starts to leave the mound for the dugout, they'll call it a ball. I'm sure they deny it but...

[BizidyDizidy]

Someone do PBP...I gotta get a drink

What's on tap tonight? I'm putting down a Turley zin for luck.

[BizidyDizidy]

Also - I like Castro (and he seems to have found a bit of a stroke of late), but do you have to make Gattis the primary catcher?

[WVastro]

I took a selfie with my dick...where's my credit?

Let's hope that dick stick selfies requiring personal selfie sticks don't become the frito pie this year.

[WVastro]

Also - I like Castro (and he seems to have found a bit of a stroke of late), but do you have to make Gattis the primary catcher?

I couldn't fathom this problem three weeks ago. Catcher was a super massive black hole.

[hostros7]

What a throw by Springer and tag by correa to nab weeks trying to take two.


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[WVastro]

Springer! I hope it stands....

[juliogotay]

I think Springer is an All-Star.

[hostros7]

Also - I like Castro (and he seems to have found a bit of a stroke of late), but do you have to make Gattis the primary catcher?

His work behind the plate has exceeded my wildest expectations.

[hostros7]

Giles has the filthy slider working tonight.


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Let's hope that dick stick selfies requiring personal selfie sticks don't become the frito pie this year.

My dick would hate me if that happened. It might detach itself to avoid having its image captured.

[WVastro]

My dick would hate me if that happened. It might detach itself to avoid having its image captured.

Well... That whole frito pie thing had different but harrowing consequences.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Hudson, no longer doing play by play. Hudson in to pitch for the Diamondbacks?!?!?!?

[doyce7]

Hudson, no longer doing play by play. Hudson in to pitch for the Diamondbacks?!?!?!?

Coincidence? Hmm

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Ashby is bitching about Carlos taking a pitch for a ball with two strikes again.

[WVastro]

At least Correa swung at that meatball.

[MRaup]

I wish I knew someone in the front office so I could suggest they turn on an Astros game sometime and actually listen to Ashby for a few innings. FUCKING CHRIST he is horrible. The only person that I've ever heard worse than him is Hawk Harrelson.

[austro]

Carl Everett was traded for Adam Everett?

[MRaup]

Holy crap, is that Julia's kid brother doing the roving reporter gig today?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

At least Correa swung at that meatball.

Yeah, maybe that ball off the plate had single to RF written all over it but you can't blame a guy with two strikes for looking for a pitch in the zone. Ashby is insane.

[WVastro]

Damn. Harris is fun to watch right now.

[MRaup]

Damn. Harris is fun to watch right now.

Fuckin' dealing.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I wish I could synch the radio feed with the TV video. I really like Ford and Sparks. Brownie is like tofu in that he seems to take on the attributes of the complement flavor. He was great with JD, not so good with Ash.

[MRaup]

I wish I could synch the radio feed with the TV video. I really like Ford and Sparks. Brownie is like tofu in that he seems to take on the attributes of the complement flavor. He was great with JD, not so good with Ash.

You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit, my friend.

[hostros7]

I wish I could synch the radio feed with the TV video. I really like Ford and Sparks. Brownie is like tofu in that he seems to take on the attributes of the complement flavor. He was great with JD, not so good with Ash.

It annoys me that I can't listen to the game through the iPhone feed without my MLB app alerts popping up before the radio call. I know I could turn off the alerts, but I'd prefer not to because Merica.

[MRaup]

Why not have Gomez bunt?

[doyce7]

Good job by Kemp there getting that sad fly

[BizidyDizidy]

Not sad at all.

This team has gone from being infuriating to watch to being a joy to watch.

[doyce7]

Not sad at all.

This team has gone from being infuriating to watch to being a joy to watch.

When a team starts playing better they start being more fun to watch

[moriartp]

Damn. Harris is fun to watch right now.

Doubly fun to watch him dealing against his old team.

[BizidyDizidy]

That little montage really underlined how nice it is to have all three outfield spots manned by plus centerfielders

[doyce7]

That little montage really underlined how nice it is to have all three outfield spots manned by plus centerfielders

It's a great luxury

[hostros7]

Premature GZ discussions


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[WVastro]

Premature GZ discussions


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Agreed. This team sucks.

[austro]

Gregerson vs Goldschmitt is a scary matchup.

[BizidyDizidy]

I wish I knew someone in the front office so I could suggest they turn on an Astros game sometime and actually listen to Ashby for a few innings. FUCKING CHRIST he is horrible. The only person that I've ever heard worse than him is Hawk Harrelson.

I went down a rabbit hole today of reading old posts. Pretty crazy that I've been here almost 14 years (despite still feeling like a johnny come lately), and no small amount of cringe (hey, I started posting when I was 19). That aside, was pretty funny to come across a thread praising Ashby for his radio work.

[doyce7]

Wow Marwin!

[MRaup]

I went down a rabbit hole today of reading old posts. Pretty crazy that I've been here almost 14 years (despite still feeling like a johnny come lately), and no small amount of cringe (hey, I started posting when I was 19). That aside, was pretty funny to come across a thread praising Ashby for his radio work.

SHUN.
THAT.
POST.ER.

[WVastro]

I went down a rabbit hole today of reading old posts. Pretty crazy that I've been here almost 14 years (despite still feeling like a johnny come lately), and no small amount of cringe (hey, I started posting when I was 19). That aside, was pretty funny to come across a thread praising Ashby for his radio work.

I remember liking Ashby last time around. Can't remember why.

[doyce7]

Fuck.

[MRaup]

Nice work, GZ. Way to jinx it. Slapdicks.

[austro]

Damn it, Gregerson.

[WVastro]

At least rally dick pics won't become a thing.

[hostros7]

Was the Segura HBP not reviewable?


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Not sad at all.

This team has gone from being infuriating to watch to being a joy to watch.

I'm not happy, someone took my joy.

[MRaup]

Jesus Christ, Ashby. You are so fucking baseball stupid it makes my brain bleed.

[austro]

Jesus Christ, Ashby. You are so fucking baseball stupid it makes my brain bleed.

It was hilarious listening to him wonder whether repeated foul balls off the mask could cause brain damage. Jesus, Ashby, you're Exhibit A that they do.

[WVastro]

I'm out of beer. Too drunk to get more... They better win/lose this soon or I'm gunna start turning in to an asshole....

[doyce7]

Dammit I thought he did it again

[hostros7]

Correa just missed that. Finally put a good swing on a fat pitch in a favorable count after watching them in that scenario all night.


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[WVastro]

Correa just missed that. Finally put a good swing on a fat pitch in a favorable count after watching them in that scenario all night.


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Clearly he should have swung at balls 1&2 to show them he was super serious.

[BizidyDizidy]

Seriously, do the Astros lead the league in free baseball?

[MRaup]

I'm out of beer. Too drunk to get more... They better win/lose this soon or I'm gunna start turning in to an asshole....

I just had to go to the "cellar" for beer number 3. I'm drinking a 2010 Schneider Aventinus Eisbock. Listed at 12 percent on bottling. Probably a bit beefier now-a-days.

[hostros7]

I would certainly prefer not to see Goldschmit get another AB tonight.


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[hostros7]

No fan should ever get a souvenir on a bunt single attempt.


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[MRaup]

How. The. Fuck. Do you claim Gomez looks better at the plate right after he swings wildly and loses his helmet AGAIN?

[MRaup]

Also.

I fucking hate Carlos Gomez.

[hostros7]

Ballgame !!!


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[hostros7]

Fuck yeah, springer dinger!


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[doyce7]

Springer!!!

[MRaup]

SPRINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[HudsonHawk]

Finally.  I can stop with the dick pics now

[BizidyDizidy]

George Springer is the best player in baseball right now. Discuss.

[The Spleen]

George Springer is the best player in baseball right now. Discuss.

Penis.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Fantastic finsish! Five in a row!

[hostros7]

This interview is so mundane. Springer just wants to rip his shirt off and snap a dick pic, nttawwt


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[WVastro]

fantastic. Good night!

[MRaup]

This interview is so mundane. Springer just wants to rip his shirt off and snap a dick pic, nttawwt


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It's hard to dislike a post-game interview where the guy being interviewed is out of breath from running around the bases and being mobbed by his teammates seconds before.

[Reuben]

I'm hesitant to go back and read the first few pages of this thread to find out what the dick pic references are all about.

[BizidyDizidy]

I'm hesitant to go back and read the first few pages of this thread to find out what the dick pic references are all about.

It won't make any more sense.

[chuck]

I went down a rabbit hole today of reading old posts. Pretty crazy that I've been here almost 14 years (despite still feeling like a johnny come lately), and no small amount of cringe (hey, I started posting when I was 19). That aside, was pretty funny to come across a thread praising Ashby for his radio work.

I read those posts before I read through the game thread. I was otherwise occupied today and couldn't watch or keep up with the game. I assumed that Ashby had said something outrageously stupid, more than usual, and that had set you off. Apparently not, just a normal day at the (cluttered) office for him.

As for your tenure here I do remember your asking if a Tequila Sunrise was a cool drink for a guy and your assertion that Pappasito's is Houston's best restaurant. Had you told us back then that you were an Oklahoman I suspect we would have been more patient and, possibly, more nurturing.

[austro]

I read those posts before I read through the game thread. I was otherwise occupied today and couldn't watch or keep up with the game. I assumed that Ashby had said something outrageously stupid, more than usual, and that had set you off. Apparently not, just a normal day at the (cluttered) office for him.

As for your tenure here I do remember your asking if a Tequila Sunrise was a cool drink for a guy and your assertion that Pappasito's is Houston's best restaurant. Had you told us back then that you were an Oklahoman I suspect we would have been more patient and, possibly, more nurturing.

Us? Nurturing? You're quite the romantic.

[BizidyDizidy]

Had you told us back then that you were an Oklahoman I suspect we would have been more patient and, possibly, more nurturing.

Why do you have to bring my secret shame into this?

[Mr. Happy]

I read those posts before I read through the game thread. I was otherwise occupied today and couldn't watch or keep up with the game. I assumed that Ashby had said something outrageously stupid, more than usual, and that had set you off. Apparently not, just a normal day at the (cluttered) office for him.

As for your tenure here I do remember your asking if a Tequila Sunrise was a cool drink for a guy and your assertion that Pappasito's is Houston's best restaurant. Had you told us back then that you were an Oklahoman I suspect we would have been more patient and, possibly, more nurturing.

This. Is. Fucking. Priceless.

[BizidyDizidy]

I still like Pappasitos btw.

[MusicMan]

your assertion that Pappasito's is Houston's best restaurant

This is far worse than claiming Ashby is good.

[HudsonHawk]

This is far worse than claiming Ashby is good.

Yeah, how about this one:

"my favorite place for fajitas is Lupe Tortilla." - Arky Vaughan, March 31, 2009

Let that sink in for a bit.

[JimR]

Ashby is somehow even worse at color than he is at PBP. The Astros would be better off randomly selecting rotating OWA members to fill in.


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I have experience at AA.

[juliogotay]

Why do you have to bring my secret shame into this?

What parts of Oklahoma you from Biz?

[MusicMan]

Yeah, how about this one:

"my favorite place for fajitas is Lupe Tortilla." - Arky Vaughan, March 31, 2009

Let that sink in for a bit.

That's actually less bad, because Lupe's beef fajitas are mighty tasty (if certainly not the best).

Pappasito's is outrageously priced dog food.

[BizidyDizidy]

What parts of Oklahoma you from Biz?

I was born in Tulsa, but moved to Houston when I was 6. It was just a mean trick of my parents - they were born in Texas, grew up in Texas, both went to UT Law, and then decided to practice in OK just long enough to make all of us Okies.

[BizidyDizidy]

That's actually less bad, because Lupe's beef fajitas are mighty tasty (if certainly not the best).

Pappasito's is outrageously priced dog food.

I will probably be in Houston next week, hopefully can fit in some dog food.

[homer]

Pappasito's is outrageously priced dog food.

This would be mildly amusing if I knew you weren't serious.

[chuck]

This would be mildly amusing if I knew you weren't serious.

Why wouldn't he be serious? It is outrageously priced and it is borderline inedible. I wouldn't eat there if it were free.

And since my mother always seems to have gift certificates to that goddamn place for some reason or another I can actually back that assertion up.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Though it wasn't my choice, I've been to Papasitos in Ft Worth and in Austin. I didn't hate it. I wouldn't choose to eat there again but if I were part of a group and got outvoted, I would prefer to eat there, as opposed to sitting in the car in the parking lot and wait for everyone else to eat and comeback. I have spent much more and receive worse.

[HudsonHawk]

Though it wasn't my choice, I've been to Papasitos in Ft Worth and in Austin. I didn't hate it. I wouldn't choose to eat there again but if I were part of a group and got outvoted, I would prefer to eat there, as opposed to sitting in the car in the parking lot and wait for everyone else to eat and comeback. I have spent much more and receive worse.

Exactly.  I know chuck would never be hyperbolic, it's just not his nature, but Pappasito's is not the worst Tex-Mex in the world.  It's not my first...or 54th even, choice, and the tacos aren't heated on the engine block of a '78 Ford Econoline, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.  I'd much prefer it to Lupe Tortillas. 

[chuck]

I'll tell you another place I hate, that's El Tiempo Cantina. I mention this because I once did exactly what Sphinx describes, I refuse to set foot in that abominable shithole so I did indeed sit in the car in the parking lot and wait for everyone to come out. It was the one on Richmond, over by Limey's old house.

Pappasito's sucks. Their food is fucking garbage and, as I mention, I will not eat there for free. But El Tiempo, that place offends me to the very core of my being. I hold that place and its patrons in the basest possible contempt.

[chuck]

Also, apparently, one man's hyperbole is another man's common sense.