Tigers @ Astros August 14, 2015

[Mr. Happy]

Your lineups for tonight's tilt:

Tigers

LFRajai Davis (R)
2BIan Kinsler (R)
1BMiguel Cabrera (R)
DHVictor Martinez (S)
RFJ.D. Martinez (R)
3BN. Castellanos (R)
CJames McCann (R)
SSJose Iglesias (R)
CFAnthony Gose (L)

DET: Alfredo Simon (R)  (10-6, 4.74)

Astros

2B Jose Altuve (R)
RF Preston Tucker (L)
SS Carlos Correa (R)
3B Jed Lowrie (S)
CF Carlos Gomez (R)
LF Evan Gattis (R)
DH Luis Valbuena (L)
1B Marwin Gonzalez (S)
C Jason Castro (L)

HOU: Dallas Keuchel (L)  (13-6, 2.40)

[Duman]

Welcome back JD Martinez

[subnuclear]

Rasmus has a sore knee. Nothing serious, but out of line-up.

[austro]

We really ought to beat Simon like a drum. Here's hoping.

[NeilT]

The way Gattis is hitting, I think I'd rather see Tucker in left and Marisnick in right.

[juliogotay]

Watching the pregame show with Howe and Kevin E. and Howe had some interesting info on Keuchel. He overwhelming throws FBs at 90-91 MPH tops. Which shows that a guy can live on a middlin' FB if he can hit spots. Howe was surprised the high % of FBs he throws.

[MRaup]

Bonus coverage tonight: I'm already 3 beers deep and the game hasn't started yet. Assuming I survive/find some food, should be a fun GameZone!

[MusicMan]

Bonus coverage tonight: I'm already 3 beers deep and the game hasn't started yet. Assuming I survive/find some food, should be a fun GameZone!

Yay, Mark's drunj!


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[NeilT]

I've been waiting for this game all day.

[HudsonHawk]

Yay, Mark's drunj!

I can assure you that Mark is not drunj on three beers.  He's not even tuned up yet. 

[austro]

I've been waiting for this game all day.

Have you picked up your daughter yet?

[MRaup]

I can assure you that Mark is not drunj on three beers.  He's not even tuned up yet.

This. SO MUCH this. I've got a 6er of Karbachtoberfest I've had 3 of so far, a bomber of Yellow Rose, a 12 oz of Prairie Pirate Noir, and a bomber of Clown Shoes Mango Kolsch all in the fridge waiting for me...


I may die tonight.

[MRaup]

I really enjoyed Hinch's comment about Ausmus.

"We brought all of his teammates from the 2005 team, and be brought Miguel Cabrera... I may need to talk to him about that."

[NeilT]

Have you picked up your daughter yet?

It's only 8 blocks. She can walk home.

[HudsonHawk]

This. SO MUCH this. I've got a 6er of Karbachtoberfest I've had 3 of so far, a bomber of Yellow Rose, a 12 oz of Prairie Pirate Noir, and a bomber of Clown Shoes Mango Kolsch all in the fridge waiting for me...


I may die tonight.

I'm on my own tonight, so it'll be just like back my Midland days...smoke a cigar, drink some whiskey, yell at the TV...

Come to think of it, I've been waiting for this game for two days too.

[MRaup]

And I'll start my bitching early tonight.

"It's made with real fruit, so I'm sharing." is probably the dumbest commercial playing on TV right now.

Dude, your kid is a fucking idiot. Don't let him give mommy anything! There's a good chance it'll be dog food, since "it's made with real chicken, so I'm sharing!"

[MRaup]

I'm on my own tonight, so it'll be just like back my Midland days...smoke a cigar, drink some whiskey, yell at the TV...

Come to think of it, I've been waiting for this game for two days too.

Man, I yell at the TV during the commercials when other people are watching with me. You might be doing it wrong.

[HudsonHawk]

It's only 8 blocks. She can walk home.

From school or from the bus station?  You're a regular Ward Cleaver.

[HudsonHawk]

And I'll start my bitching early tonight.

"It's made with real fruit, so I'm sharing." is probably the dumbest commercial playing on TV right now.

Dude, your kid is a fucking idiot. Don't let him give mommy anything! There's a good chance it'll be dog food, since "it's made with real chicken, so I'm sharing!"

I'd have whipped the OJ out that little fucker a long time ago.

[NeilT]

And I'll start my bitching early tonight.

"It's made with real fruit, so I'm sharing." is probably the dumbest commercial playing on TV right now.

Dude, your kid is a fucking idiot. Don't let him give mommy anything! There's a good chance it'll be dog food, since "it's made with real chicken, so I'm sharing!"

I'm nominating that to run against Donal Trump.

[MRaup]

From school or from the bus station?  You're a regular Ward CleaverEddie Haskall.

FIFY.

[MRaup]

This. SO MUCH this. I've got a 6er of Karbachtoberfest I've had 3 of so far, a bomber of Yellow Rose, a 12 oz of Prairie Pirate Noir, and a bomber of Clown Shoes Mango Kolsch all in the fridge waiting for me...


I may die tonight.

Karbach #4 now.

[MRaup]

Brownie says that Danny Darwin has the longest win streak in a season at home with 13. Keuchel is nipping at his heels with 10 this season.

[MRaup]

Also, the Tigers starter looks like a colossal douchebag.

[MRaup]

"Pretty amazing when you see a guy reach like that for a fastball." as Davis strikes out.

Ash... No it's not. It happens 5-10 times a game.

[HudsonHawk]

T1:

Whoever led off strikes out
Kinsler lines out to SS
Cabrera strikes out swinging

[MRaup]

Slightly buzzed PONCHE to get Miggy!

Mid 1, 0-0.

[NeilT]

T1:

Whoever led off strikes out
Kinsler lines out to SS
Cabrera strikes out swinging

Whoever, Kinsler, Cabrera. That's a powerful lineup.

[HudsonHawk]

Whoever, Kinsler, Cabrera. That's a powerful lineup.

I was getting a beer when they announced the starting lineup

[MRaup]

Rajaieueiueieuyaie Davis.

[NeilT]

AltiVec is Jeff Beck.

[MRaup]

If you're gonna swing at a 3-0 pitch, you'd better hit the fuck out of it.

[MRaup]

Man, fucking Gattis. He really is frustrating.

[HudsonHawk]

B1:

Altuve singles to LF
Tucker, with Altuve running on the pitch, grounds out 3U, Altuve to 2B
Correa walks on four pitches
Lowrie, swings at 3-0 pitch, probably ball four after seven straight balls, and flies out to LF
Gomez, on 2-1, reaches at a ball in the other batter's box and grounds into an easy 6-4 FC

No score

[HudsonHawk]

If you're gonna swing at a 3-0 pitch, you'd better hit the fuck out of it.

Especially after the pitcher has just thrown seven straight balls

[MRaup]

Karbach #5.

This is not a sustainable pace.

[NeilT]

Karbach #5.

This is not a sustainable pace.

You're drinking faster than Keuchel is pitching.

[HudsonHawk]

T2:

Martinez (the Victor kind) flies out F9
The other Martinez strikes out swinging
Castellanos singles to CF
McCann strikes out swinging

No score

[MRaup]

You're drinking faster than Keuchel is pitching.

I'm going to take that as a compliment.

Also, I'm dogsitting my girlfriend's 2 chocolate labs for a bit.

I've got a 12 year old chocolate lab, an 8 year old chocolate lab, and my 5 month old black lab puppy.

I predict two VERY grumpy older chocolate labs before the night is over.

[NeilT]

Man, fucking Gattis. He really is frustrating.

That wasn't a bad at bat.

[HudsonHawk]

Simon can't the fucking broad side of a barn, and is getting outs. 

[NeilT]

That was a swing in Ashby's book. 

[MRaup]

That wasn't a bad at bat.

It was Lowrie, not Gattis, that I hated.

[NeilT]

It was Lowrie, not Gattis, that I hated.

Now that was a bad at bat.

[HudsonHawk]

B2:

Gattis grounds out 5-3
Valbuena strikes out on a pitch that almost hits his feet
Marwin takes a 3-1 meatball then swings at a pitch in his eyes and taps it back to the mound

No score after 2

[MRaup]

Now that was a bad at bat.

It's all downhill from here.

[HudsonHawk]

Apparently there's a rule tonight that the Astros must take every belt high, center cut meatball, and swing at every pitch 3 feet out of the zone.

[MRaup]

Apparently there's a rule tonight this season that the Astros must take every belt high, center cut meatball, and swing at every pitch 3 feet out of the zone.

FIFY

[HudsonHawk]

T3:

Inglesias lines out to RF
Gose grounds out 3U
Whoever flies out F8

[NeilT]

Those parents are abusive.  All I did was make my daughter walk 8 blocks to get home from college.

[MRaup]

I. Fucking. Hate. The word intriguing.

[NeilT]

What a bad call.

[Aussie Astro]

I. Fucking. Hate. The word intriguing.

I don't know why you would, it is such a rarely used word...

[OregonStrosFan]

Did y'all catch those dumbasses leaning over the padding scuffling for Altuve's foul, and see the dude who won' the battle slap the other dude on the ass hard 4 or 5 times and then run back to his seat 4 rows back? Ridiculous... (dude that got his ass slapped was understandably pissed)...


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[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I've got liquor, beer, and wine.

[HudsonHawk]

B3:

Castro hammers one into RF, but the thirdbaseman is there standing in front of the right fielder, and it's a 5-3
Altuve swings at ball four at his ankles and grounds out 5-3, challenge by Hinch...replay shows he's safe...umpires agree
Tucker...goes up 3-0...works the count full...then pops up F3
Altuve swipes 2B
Correa walks
Lowrie grounds out weakly 4-3

No score after 3

[NeilT]

I've got liquor, beer, and wine.

You know the song Willing?  I always thought the they were singing wheat, rice and wine. 

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I hate to think what might happen if I had some good wheat and some rice. I guess I'd be willin'.

[MRaup]

Very likely double play? Who was going to be at first exactly?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Very likely double play? Who was going to be at first exactly?

Ashby?

[NeilT]

I hate to think what might happen if I had some good wheat and some rice. I guess I'd be willin'.

Unless you were gluten intolerant.  Then you'd be movin'.

[MRaup]

Ashby?

Either him or me. Both equally likely.

[pots]

Ashby?

Intriguing

[NeilT]

now it's up to that Astros offense.

[pots]

Fantastic job getting out of that mess

[pots]

now it's up to that Astros offense.

Well they had to score at least one anyways

[MRaup]

Bart is SO awkward.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

A better question for "Guess the Astro" would have been, "he knows what it's like to be kicked in the face by a cop."

[austro]

Ok, I'm back. I know you were missing me.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

A Galveston cop. If you're wondering.

[austro]

Al Simon has done nothing but destroy my scoresheet pitching staff this year. The least he can do is give up a couple runs here.

[austro]

Any lineup with Gattis and Valbuena in it is sketchy.

[pots]

That stat was wrong.  Just the first this year. 

[austro]

Jarts were great. But we had to give them up once we got cats.

[HudsonHawk]

So I leave, and Keuchel falls to shit.

[OregonStrosFan]

Some dude from CSN Philly (Salsbury) saying "@JSalisburyCSN: Hearing credible buzz tonight about Astros being in Utley chase. Could get time 1B, DH. 6 teams apparently in: Cubs, SF, NYY, 2 LA".   

Idiot... I don't see it, but I guess it would go with their whole 'overcrowded list of sub .200 hitters at 1B' motif...


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[austro]

Well, in this inning they got a broken bat piece of shit down the 1st base line and a high hopping piece of shit that bounced over Lowrie into left field, so I wouldn't say that he's fallen to shit in this inning. But it sure would help if his teammates would wake up at the plate.

[austro]

Some dude from CSN Philly (Salsbury) saying "@JSalisburyCSN: Hearing credible buzz tonight about Astros being in Utley chase. Could get time 1B, DH. 6 teams apparently in: Cubs, SF, NYY, 2 LA".   

That's incredibly lame. I can't imagine they would be interested in Utley under any circumstances.

[austro]

Nice job by Keuchel to work his way out of that mess. Still 0-1 headed to the bottom of the 5th.

[OregonStrosFan]

That's incredibly lame. I can't imagine they would be interested in Utley under any circumstances.

Precisely...


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[HudsonHawk]

That's incredibly lame. I can't imagine they would be interested in Utley under any circumstances.

What if they need a corner infielder hitting .190 and is a strikeout machine?  Where else you gonna find that?

[austro]

What if they need a corner infielder hitting .190 and is a strikeout machine?  Where else you gonna find that?

Send offers to [email protected]

[austro]

MarGo leads off with a single, Castro follows with a hard-hit double, so there are men on 2nd and 3rd with no outs. Altuve up, and it's time to do some fucking damage.

[The Third Man]

The ump's weirdly high strike zone has helped Simon a few times tonight.

[austro]

That would have barely been a strike to Dave Winfield, much less Jose Altuve. This ump sucks.

Altuve grounds up the middle for a 6-3, but the runner scores from 3rd. Tie game at 1-1, and Castro moves to 3rd with 1 out.

[austro]

Fuck me. Tucker hits the ball more-or-less right at Kinsler, and Castro has to hold at 3rd. Time for Correa to unleash hell.

[MRaup]

Tucker, for how amazingly even his swing is, does not hit nearly enough productive outs.

#6 on it's way out.

[austro]

#6 on it's way out.

Time for a refill on the Balvenie.

[austro]

Correa walks, then steals 2nd. Lowrie up with runners on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs.

[NeilT]

Castro should be the everyday catcher.

[austro]

Lowrie cranks a double off the wall in LF and Castro and Correa both score! Astros lead 3-1.

[The Third Man]

Jed Lowrie- professional hitter.

[HudsonHawk]

B5:

Marwin singles to LF
Castro doubles to RF, Marwin stops at 3B
Altuve...takes strike one over his head...grounds out 6-3, Marwin scores, Castro to 3B
Tucker grounds out 4-3...infield was in, so Castro had to hold at 3B
Correa walks on four pitches...his third walk of the night
Correa steals 2B
Lowrie doubles to LCF...Castro scores, Correa scores!
Gomez lines up the middle, Kinsler dives into CF...throws out Gomez

But the Astros plate three...lead 3-1 after five.

[austro]

Get the fuck out of here! Kinsler makes a great diving play behind 2nd and throws out Gomez to end the inning. That was a tremendous play. Fucker.

[MRaup]

I fucking hate Ian Kinsler. Fuck that polesmoke.

[NeilT]

keukell is the best fielding pitcher I've watched.

[MRaup]

keuken is the best fielding pitcher I've watched.

KEUKEN!

[austro]

Damn it, Correa, make the play.

[HudsonHawk]

T6:

Cabrera strikes out swinging
Martinez grounds out 3-1
Martinez reaches on TE-6...high throw pulls Marwin off the bag
Castellanos flies out F9

3-1 Astros

[NeilT]

I think Reyes cleared waivers. I bet we could get him for Correa.

[austro]

Tucker grabs the fly near the line to end the inning, Correa is bailed out.

[MRaup]

6 Karbachs down, moving on to the Clown Shoes Mango Kolsch.

First sip, it's got a nice crisp taste to it, with just a hint of mango. I dig it.

[NeilT]

KEUKEN!

Damn right.

[HudsonHawk]

KEUKEN!

KEUKELL!

[austro]

I think Reyes cleared waivers. I bet we could get him for Correa.

We're going to need somebody to hold down that DL spot when Springer gets activated.

[austro]

First sip, it's got a nice crisp taste to it, with just a hint of mango. I dig it.

You're the same guy who I watched drink a jalapeno-coffee porter, or something like that. I'm not sure I trust your judgement.

[NeilT]

That is ridiculous.

[HudsonHawk]

Have you ever seen such a triples machine as Evan Gattis?

[MRaup]

I don't get why teams play Gattis so shallow... You KNOW he has pop when he actually hits the ball. WTF?

[austro]

You can only hope to contain Evan Gattis.

[MRaup]

You're the same guy who I watched drink a jalapeno-coffee porter, or something like that. I'm not sure I trust your judgement.

I'll drink anything once.

I've had some AWFUL beers.

[austro]

Neil and I are locked in an epic battle for 12th place in the mihoba league, but he picked up Conger today, and I may be in trouble.

[MRaup]

There is not a word to describe how much I hate Chris Carter this season. Jesus Christ, he is HORRIBLE.

[austro]

You'll never guess what Carter did with a man at 3rd and no outs.

[NeilT]

Neil and I are locked in an epic battle for 12th place in the mihoba league, but he picked up Conger today, and I may be in trouble.

That makes Castro available.

[MRaup]

Picture. Fucking. Perfect.

Nice work, Marwin!

[austro]

Great bunt by MarGo to squeeze Marisnick in from 3rd. Castro up with 2 outs and nobody on.

[HudsonHawk]

B6:

Gattis triples to RCF, leaves for a pinch runner Jake Marisnick
A couple of tattooed fans start dry humping in the stands

That's it for Simon, Gorzelanny in for the Tiggers

Carter, pinch hitting for Valbuena...infield in...strikes out swinging...but he doesn't really mind
Marwin...hitting from right side now...safety SQUEEZE!!!...sac 1U, but Marisnick scores
Castro strikes out swinging

Astros pick up another...lead 4-1

[NeilT]

Like I said, Castro is available.

[austro]

That makes Castro available.

Of course he is. Did you see that strikeout? Conger would never do that.

[austro]

How do you pop up a pitch at your ankles? Whatever, there's now one out in the top of the 7th.

[austro]

Wow, the Blue Jays haven't been in the playoffs since '93?

[MRaup]

Wow, the Blue Jays haven't been in the playoffs since '93?

The shocker for me is that the Astros are the 2nd longest team out of the playoffs at 10 years.

[HudsonHawk]

T7:

Marisnick stays in the game in RF, Tucker moves to LF

McCann singles to LF on an 0-2 hanger
Inglesias pops out F6
Gose grounds into FC, Inglesias out 5-3...no chance at 2 on the check swing roller
Davis, otherwise known as "whoever"...strikes out swining

At the stretch...4-1 Astros

[austro]

The shocker for me is that the Astros are the 2nd longest team out of the playoffs at 10 years.

Yeah, that surprised me too.

[NeilT]

I'm going to change my name to Al Albuquerque.

[austro]

I'm going to change my name to Al Albuquerque.

Say my name!

[HudsonHawk]

B7:

Alburquerque on the mound...

Altuve grounds back to the mound 1-3
Tucker strikes out swinging
Correa grounds out 6-3

Still 4-1

[HudsonHawk]

T8:

Neshek in...

Kinsler pops out F4
Cabrera lines out to SS...Correa didn't even move
Martinez strikes out swinging.

4-1

[austro]

Man, Neshek was like a surgeon in that inning. That last pitch was fantastic.

[MRaup]

Man, Neshek was like a surgeon in that inning. That last pitch was fantastic.

He is filthy. What a great pickup.

[subnuclear]

Not the bat's fault there, Carlos.

[chuck]

Gomez strikes out, showboats.

[The Third Man]

Gomez strikes out, showboats.

He's too old to act that way.

[MRaup]

Jesus, that was a great throw for the knees by McCann.

[HudsonHawk]

That's manufacturing a run right there.

[NeilT]

Marisnick almost got hit by the ball.

[austro]

Jesus, that was a great throw for the knees by McCann.

Wasn't it? That's kind of scary.

[chuck]

Fuck. Carter fucks up my narrative. I had it all set up.

[HudsonHawk]

Jesus, that was a great throw for the knees by McCann.

Hank Conger can't throw the ball that far with a crow hop.

[NeilT]

Fuck. Carter fucks up my narrative. I had it all set up.

Maybe that should be the season motto:  Fucking up your narrative!

[austro]

Maybe that should be the season motto:  Fucking up your narrative!

LaBatard's all in on that.

[HudsonHawk]

B8:

Wilson in to pitch...

Lowrie flies out F7 in LCF
Gomez strikes out swinging...acts like an ass screaming and breaking his bat over his thigh
Marisnick with an infield single on a check swing slow roller
Marisnick steals 2B...but if Kinsler hangs on to that ball he's out
Carter doubles down LF line...Marisnick scores
Marwin flies out F7

To the 9th we go...Astros up 5-1

[MRaup]

6 Karbachtoberfest cans.
1 Clown Shoes Mango American Kolsch bomber
1 Half Full Toasted Amber can

Don't fuck up the 9th boys, I want to remember the win!

[HudsonHawk]

T9:

Gregerson in to nail it down

Martinez strikes out swinging
Castellanos strikes out swinging
McCann grounds out 6-3

Astros win!!

[MRaup]

6 Karbachtoberfest cans.
1 Clown Shoes Mango American Kolsch bomber
1 Half Full Toasted Amber can

Don't fuck up the 9th boys, I want to remember the win!

Whew! Pardon me while I stumble this win off.

[chuck]

Time for me to crack open a Tangerine Nutmeg Wheat Ale.

[subnuclear]

They looked like a first place team there.

[NeilT]

Whew! Pardon me while I stumble this win off.

Just remember, you and the dogs have two more games this weekend.

[HudsonHawk]

Time for me to crack open a Tangerine Nutmeg Wheat Ale.

I'll be drinking kerosene.  In a dirty glass. 

[austro]

Nicely done. And the Angels lose, too. A good evening.

[austro]

Time for me to crack open a Tangerine Nutmeg Wheat Ale.

I figured it would involve mangoes somehow.

[MRaup]

Just remember, you and the dogs have two more games this weekend.

The dogs say "No problem." My liver says "go fuck yourself."

[chuck]

I figured it would involve mangoes somehow.

In all seriousness I have a pitcher of homemade mango nectar in the refrigerator right now.

[NeilT]

In all seriousness I have a pitcher of homemade mango nectar in the refrigerator right now.

Better fed ex it to MRaup.  He'll need it in the morning.

[MRaup]

Better fed ex it to MRaup.  He'll need it in the morning.

I'm still alive/conscious!

[BudGirl]

Neil T's having some fun.

[Ron Brand]

Hijinx at 1B last night.

[austro]

Neil T's having some fun.

You were so close to claiming your Dickensian heritage: It was the best of teams, it was the worst of teams.

[JimR]

wow!! a doubleheader: a ball game and Mark's beer binge.

[NeilT]

You were so close to claiming your Dickensian heritage: It was the best of teams, it was the worst of teams.

Dammit. I got hung up on T S Eliot. Dickens would have capped it.

[BudGirl]

You were so close to claiming your Dickensian heritage: It was the best of teams, it was the worst of teams.

I was looking for that in his recap for the link but it wasn't there. I was kind of disappointed.