stRangers @ Astros August 12, 2013

[Mr. Happy]

Your lineups for today's matinee:

Cocksuckers

CFLeonys Martin
SSElvis Andrus
DHIan Kinsler
3BAdrian Beltre
CA.J. Pierzynski
RFAlex Rios
1BJeff Baker
LFCraig Gentry
2BJurickson Profar
TEX: Yu Darvish (11-5, 2.72)

Good Guys

LF Robbie Grossman
RF Marc Krauss
1B Brett Wallace
DH Chris Carter
3B Matt Dominguez
C Carlos Corporan
CF Brandon Barnes
2B Jake Elmore
SS Jonathan Villar
HOU: Brett Oberholtzer (2-0, 2.53)

[Matt]

I hate Yu Darvish.

[BudGirl]

Fudge. I didn't realize yu was pitching.   Fuck me.

[MikeyBoy]

Fuck me? Fuck Yu!

[Matt]

And he's already got all the runs he needs to win this game.

[chuck]

If you think the Astros are going to win this game Yu Fu.

[Jacksonian]

If there was ever a game to re-run that no-hitter warning classic, it's this one.

[MusicMan]

“WWUS84 KHGX 270908
SPSPHX
TXZ163-164-176>179-195>200-210>214-226-227-235>238-272100-
SPECIAL WEATHER STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE PHOENIX AZ
928 AM PDT THU JUN 29 2000
…NO-HITTER WATCH IN EFFECT FOR THE PHOENIX METROPOLITAN AREA…
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A NO-HITTER WATCH FOR SOUTH-CENTRAL
ARIZONA EFFECTIVE UNTIL 12:00 AM PDT
A STRONG RIDGE OF OFFENSIVE INEPTITUDE IS EXPECTED TO DEVELOP LATE THIS AFTERNOON AND CONTINUE INTO THE NIGHT OVER MOST OF THE WATCH AREA. A LARGE UNIT… 98 MPH HEAT… AND ABUNDANT TROPICAL MOISTURE WILL COMBINE TO PRODUCE THIS ACTIVITY. ASTRO MENTAL OUTLOOKS ARE BLEAK SO ANY STORMS THAT DO DEVELOP WILL BE SLOW MOVING. STRIKEOUT RATES IN THE SLOWER MOVING STORMS MAY EXCEED 2 WHIFFS PER INNING.
AT THIS TIME IT APPEARS THUNDERSTORMS, RANDOM OUTBURSTS OF PROFANITY AND THOUSAND YARD STARES WILL DEVELOP INSIDE THE CLUBHOUSE AROUND 4 PM AND REACH INTERIOR COUNTIES BETWEEN 7 AND 10 PM. A WEAK LOW PRESSURE TROUGH ROUGHLY ALIGNED WITH THE ASTROS DUGOUT MAY FOCUS HEAVY RAINFALL ALONG A BATTER’S BOX TO BATRACK LINE DURING THE NIGHT. THESE HEAVY RAINS MAY FLOOD LOW SPOTS AND OTHER LOCATIONS WHICH TYPICALLY FLOOD WHEN WATERCOOLER SMASHING OCCURS.
IF A NO-HITTER DEVELOPS PLEASE AVOID FLOODED ROADWAYS. NEVER DRIVE A VEHICLE THROUGH AN ANGST-FLOODED ASTRO BROADCAST. FIND AN ALTERNATE STATION.
THIS IS A DANGEROUS SITUATION! IF A NO-HITTER DEVELOPS, QUICK ACTION MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE. MOVE TO A SMALL INTERIOR ROOM ON THE LOWEST FLOOR. ABANDON YOUR TELEVISION OR RADIO IMMEDIATELY AND FIND A STRONG SHELTER. IF SHELTER IS NOT AVAILABLE… MOVE TO A DITCH OR CULVERT AND COVER YOUR EARS.
PLEASE REPORT SEVERE WEATHER TO THE COUNTY SHERIFF…LOCAL POLICE… OR DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC SAFETY. THEY WILL RELAY YOUR REPORT TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE.
STAY TUNED TO NOAA WEATHER RADIO FOR FURTHER UPDATES AND STATEMENTS.”

[BudGirl]

Ave Maria played for aj, anyone know why?

[Mr. Happy]

I fucking hate Darvish, but that fucker is perfect through three frames.

[MusicMan]

Brian T. Smith ‏@ChronAstros 2m
Through three innings, #Rangers' Yu Darvish is playing Galaga and #Astros are those little flying spaceships. #MLB

[NeilT]

The color codes on the Gameday pitches are all screwed up.  It's very disturbing.

[Ebby Calvin]

There's no way the Astros will get a hit, much less a run, off this guy.  Might as well turn it off.

[BudGirl]

Oberholtzer has settled in after the first.

[Mr. Happy]

I strongly suspect that the warning that Kulpa gave both benches a warning after the first pitch of the game, which went behind Martin, was payback for Martin attempting to bunt up 6-0 yesterday.

[Bench]

I strongly suspect that the warning that Kulpa gave both benches a warning after the first pitch of the game, which went behind Martin, was payback for Martin attempting to bunt up 6-0 yesterday.

You'd think the Astros would be happy to just accept the out.

[JimR]

I strongly suspect that the warning that Kulpa gave both benches a warning after the first pitch of the game, which went behind Martin, was payback for Martin attempting to bunt up 6-0 yesterday.

which is fucking stupid. nothing wrong with bunting up 106-0. field the ball and throw him out.

[MusicMan]

field the ball and throw him out.

Must I remind you of last year's bunt-fielding debacles?

[MusicMan]

This paints... some kind of picture:

Brian T. Smith ‏@ChronAstros 1m
Not sure what that was from #Astros' Chris Carter. A swing. But not a swing. At all. #Yu.

[geezerdonk]

You think that they would want to be concentrating on not being on the wrong end of a perfect game.

[BudGirl]

Carlos is gonna get a hit.

[geezerdonk]

Ave Maria played for aj, anyone know why?

Maybe he is celebrating the Feast of the Assumption a couple of days early.

[MusicMan]

Maybe he is celebrating the Feast of the Assumption a couple of days early.

Gratia, plena.

[Bench]

15 at bats, 10 strikeouts, 0 base runners.  Holy fuck.  Look out Kerry Wood.

[BudGirl]

She said yes.

[NeilT]

a nice Kyrie Eleison might have been more appropriate.

[chuck]

15 at bats, 10 strikeouts, 0 base runners.  Holy fuck.  Look out Kerry Wood.

And just think, Carter only gets to bat once every three innings.

[NeilT]

This game surely is going fast.

[NeilT]

Elmore put the ball in play!

[NeilT]

Villar!

[MusicMan]

Um... OK?

Brian T. Smith ‏@ChronAstros 42s
#Astros' Wesley Wright to #Rays for cash considerations. #MLB

[NeilT]

I can't remember why I hate Pierzynski.

[chuck]

Ashby is taking up for Pierzynski. Awesome. Two giant dickheads that deserve each other.

[geezerdonk]

She said yes.

POE

[NeilT]

Um... OK?

Ok by me.

[BudGirl]

Villar did get a nice round of applause.

[pots]

Just announced that Wright sent to Tampa Bay for cash.  Humber contract purchased

[OregonStrosFan]

I can't remember why I hate Pierzynski.

Perfecto done, AJ run!!! Now for hits and a couple of runs!!!

[Bench]

Stolen base!  All we need is a bloop and blast.

[BudGirl]

Villar is fun to watch

[Bench]

Stolen base!  All we need is a bloop and blast.

Doh.

[MusicMan]

Humber contract purchased

Now we're flat-out tanking.

[Bench]

Now we're flat-out tanking.

I looked at the standings today for the first time in a long time.  I thought the Marlins would be closer, but I guess no lead is safe.

[MusicMan]

Ashby is taking up for Pierzynski. Awesome. Two giant dickheads that deserve each other.

Even dickheads can be right, and AJ was in this instance.

[chuck]

I looked at the standings today for the first time in a long time.  I thought the Marlins would be closer, but I guess no lead is safe.

The Astros' run differential is so obscene that there is no way that the Marlins or the White Sox can catch them, especially with Veras gone. I don't see how swapping Bud for one of the new guys makes all that much a difference but without a single competent major league pitcher in the pen it will be virtually impossible for the Astros to win more than one close game in, say, five.

[Mr. Happy]

Even dickheads can be right, and AJ was in this instance.

I don't give a shit. Fuck AJ Piershitski.

[MusicMan]

without a single competent major league pitcher in the pen it will be virtually impossible for the Astros to win more than one close game in, say, five.

But Humber will TOTALLY fix that.

[Mr. Happy]

Now we're flat-out tanking.

That's about the extent of it.

[chuck]

Even dickheads can be right, and AJ was in this instance.

It was a ball. It was close and most umps would have called it a strike given the circumstances but it was a ball. And while we're talking about it the check swing for strike two didn't have to be a strike, either. Darvish came nowhere near the zone for ball four.

AJ said 'All I did was ask for a ball' after he got run. I was disappointed. I wanted to see him lose his shit rather than walk calmly off the field.

[chuck]

But Humber will TOTALLY fix that.

Shall we say one in seven then?

[Mr. Happy]

But Humber will TOTALLY fix that.

Yeah, right.

[MusicMan]

Yeah, right.

It actually does tick me off a little.  WW's gone, fine, but Humber just wastes a roster spot.  At least bring up someone that we don't know how many runs they'll allow yet.

[NeilT]

Carter at bat.  This will be special.

[MusicMan]

She said yes.

This is actually one of the game highlights on MLB.com.

FML.

[NeilT]

This is actually one of the game highlights on MLB.com.

FML.

It's probably better than Carter's third strikeout.

[Mr. Happy]

It actually does tick me off a little.  WW's gone, fine, but Humber just wastes a roster spot.  At least bring up someone that we don't know how many runs they'll allow yet.

It ticks me off more than a little.

[chuck]

Carter at bat.  This will be special.

He is mindbogglingly terrible. A significant number of NL pitchers look better swinging a bat than Carter.

[MusicMan]

He is mindbogglingly terrible. A significant number of NL pitchers look better swinging a bat than Carter.

Carter's swing looks better than Furyk's.

[Fredia]

wesley wright gone right wright

[chuck]

Carter's swing looks better than Furyk's.

But Furyk hits the ball a lot of the time.

[NeilT]

wesley wright gone right wright

You been reading Gertrude Stein again?

[JimR]

I can't remember why I hate Pierzynski.

there are so many reasons.

[MusicMan]

THAT'S HOW YOU BREAK UP A NO-HITTER!

[BudGirl]

I called it awhile back.

[Tralfaz]

YES!

[Fredia]

yippe skipppeee or fuck you joe bull i do it myself

[geezerdonk]

I can't breathe.

[Ron Brand]

2013 Astros: Yu Didn't No-Hit Us.

[Bench]

You been reading Gertrude Stein again?

I thought it was Dead or Alive.

[NeilT]

I'm going to leave my office more often.

[MusicMan]

I'm going to leave my office more often.

That's just good advice.

[NeilT]

Fields did a nice job.

[NeilT]

Is Humber left handed?  I'm assuming he's up for the bullpen, right?

[OregonStrosFan]

Is Humber left handed?  I'm assuming he's up for the bullpen, right?

I presumed he was up to preserve 1.1 in 2014...

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

Is Humber left handed?  I'm assuming he's up for the bullpen, right?

He's been coming out of the bully in OKC.

[juliogotay]

I presumed he was up to preserve 1.1 in 2014...

Unnecessary precaution.

[NeilT]

I presumed he was up to preserve 1.1 in 2014...

They're worried they can't do it with what they've got?  I assume now they're thinking about 2015.

[NeilT]

Thank goodness we ran that Darvish guy.  Should be smooth sailing with Nathan.

[chuck]

Fields did a nice job.

Hell yeah he did. Fields is awesome.

[MusicMan]

Well, that was quick and painless.

[chuck]

Well. Mea Kulpa got a little generous with the zone in the later innings, didn't he?

[NeilT]

That sucked at just about the level to which I've become accustomed, except it was faster. 

[Mr. Happy]

Well. Mea Kulpa got a little generous with the zone in the later innings, didn't he?

He had early dinner plans.

[MusicMan]

That sucked at just about the level to which I've become accustomed, except it was faster. 

"Your 2013 Astros: the mid-marriage years"

[NeilT]

"Your 2013 Astros: the mid-marriage years"

I was thinking we were learning what it's like to be a prostitute:  quick and relatively painless is about the best you can hope for.

[geezerdonk]

Really nice game by Corporan. He and Oberholtzer were pretty much on their own.

[pots]

I presumed he was up to preserve 1.1 in 2014...

I think the move completely crushes any and all hopes of both the Marlins and the White Sox. 

[pots]

A quick scan through the roster and I have Jason Castro as the Stro with the oldest tenure with the big club.  At June 22, 2010.

[Mr. Happy]

Really nice game by Corporan. He and Oberholtzer were pretty much on their own.

Absolutely. A long ball and two caught stealings. That's pretty damn good out of the backup catcher.

[94CougarGrad]

He had early dinner plans.

Late for a tour at the St. Arnold's Brewery.

[Bench]

A quick scan through the roster and I have Jason Castro as the Stro with the oldest tenure with the big club.  At June 22, 2010.

McTaggart said the same. 

[NeilT]

McTaggart said the same. 

It's good to have a veteran presence on the team.

[austro]

I'm really encouraged by Oberholtzer's performance thus far.

[Fredia]

starting pitching seems to be going the right way