Author Topic: #bleakerendings (Read 12371 times)

Limey · « **on:** July 08, 2013, 12:41:31 pm »

Saw this article, about the subject Twitter hashtag, and thought that the pop culture denizens of SnS can do better.

Limey · « **Reply #1 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:03:20 pm »

The Germans win. #everyWW2movie

Navin R Johnson · « **Reply #2 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:12:24 pm »

The dead body comes to life and eats husky young Roger Maris #StandByMe

Limey · « **Reply #3 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:18:45 pm »

Newt slips from Bishop's grasp and whizzes past Ripley and out the airlock just before the doors close.

(Which avoids the whole bummer of killing her off at the start of Alien 3).

MusicMan · « **Reply #4 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:19:05 pm »

Rick boards the plane with Ilsa, but Laszlo has bribed Renault to sabotage it, crashing the plane as the film ends.

Limey · « **Reply #5 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:21:27 pm »

Glenn Miller's plane lands safely in the U.S., and he goes on to live a life of mediocrity and dies anonymously after big band music gets crushed by rock 'n' roll.

MusicMan · « **Reply #6 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:22:22 pm »

"Up" ends after its first 10 minutes.

MusicMan · « **Reply #7 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:23:11 pm »

Quote from: Limey on July 08, 2013, 01:18:45 pm

Newt slips from Bishop's grasp and whizzes past Ripley and out the airlock just before the doors close.

(Which avoids the whole bummer of killing her off at the start of Alien 3).

Indy didn't just ride off into the sunset with his father, but actually went on to find some collection of crystal skulls with his bastard son.

Navin R Johnson · « **Reply #8 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:33:05 pm »

Nordberg goes OJ and kills Frank Drebin and Elvis's ex wife, Queen gets assassinated #BleakerEndings

Bench · « **Reply #9 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:33:09 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on July 08, 2013, 01:22:22 pm

"Up" ends after its first 10 minutes.

Good one.

Navin R Johnson · « **Reply #10 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:37:43 pm »

Rowdy Roddy Piper doesn't run out of bubble gum, world taken over by Aliens. #Bleakerendings

MusicMan · « **Reply #11 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:49:13 pm »

Kevin Costner's daughter chokes, and the mortgage is foreclosed before the people can surely come.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #12 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:50:58 pm »

Having successfully fooled the Americans, Admiral Ramius launches his nuclear arsenal at the United States.

Limey · « **Reply #13 on:** July 08, 2013, 01:53:59 pm »

Quote from: GreatBagwellsBeard on July 08, 2013, 01:50:58 pm

Having successfully fooled the Americans, Admiral Ramius launches his nuclear arsenal at the United States.

Perfect.

MusicMan · « **Reply #14 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:02:55 pm »

Juror #3 tells everyone to shut up and vote so they can go home, innocent boy gets the chair.

Ebby Calvin · « **Reply #15 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:05:05 pm »

Jimmy Chitwood clangs the final jumper. Dennis Hopper dies.

MusicMan · « **Reply #16 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:05:33 pm »

Rocky cannot answer the bell for round 15.

Limey · « **Reply #17 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:06:53 pm »

Commodus kills Maximus; sires dynasty of crazy inbreds who rule the Empire for centuries.

Ty in Tampa · « **Reply #18 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:07:54 pm »

The nihilists kill the bowlers but still leave empty-handed. Maude has a miscarriage.

Limey · « **Reply #19 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:08:01 pm »

Turns out, they're all dead. Eh? Oh.

MusicMan · « **Reply #20 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:09:21 pm »

Quote from: Limey on July 08, 2013, 02:08:01 pm

Turns out, they're all dead. Eh? Oh.

Permian's last desperate play falls inches short of the goal line, leaving their players to a lifetime of "what if" over that state championship game.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #21 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:11:33 pm »

His new-found success brings drugs and hookers into Ricky Vaughn's life, leading to a lifelong suspension from baseball. Uecker has a heart attack in the booth.

Limey · « **Reply #22 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:12:59 pm »

Quote from: GreatBagwellsBeard on July 08, 2013, 02:11:33 pm

His new-found success brings drugs and hookers into Ricky Vaughn's life, leading to a lifelong suspension from baseball. Uecker has a heart attack in the booth.

Yankees win. (See Germans, The).

BizidyDizidy · « **Reply #23 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:13:38 pm »

Andy gets stuck in the sewer pipe, eventually drowns in river of shit. Red hangs himself on the outside. Warden Norton hangs it up at Shawshank and ends up running a successful campaign for Governor.

Limey · « **Reply #24 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:14:19 pm »

Lloyd Dobler's boombox is out of batteries.

subnuclear · « **Reply #25 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:15:33 pm »

Elliot feels a little queazy as ET's ship flies away. Gives birth to Alien through stomach.

Limey · « **Reply #26 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:19:43 pm »

Quote from: subnuclear on July 08, 2013, 02:15:33 pm

Elliot feels a little queazy as ET's ship flies away. Gives birth to Alien through stomach.

I think that's the actual plot of Prometheus 2, except with less pointless deaths of allegedly smart people resulting from unbelievable and nonsensical stupidity, just at the point you thought something good was going to happen.

MusicMan · « **Reply #27 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:19:47 pm »

Princess Vespa falls for Dark Helmet, and Druidia suffocates.

MusicMan · « **Reply #28 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:21:08 pm »

Phoebe Cates walks away from the pool, bikini intact.

Limey · « **Reply #29 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:23:15 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on July 08, 2013, 02:21:08 pm

Phoebe Cates walks away from the pool, bikini intact.

Supreme Court rules porn is not free speech. Internet never invented.

Bench · « **Reply #30 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:44:54 pm »

Rosebud is just a stupid fucking sled.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #31 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:57:15 pm »

Buttercup marries Humperdink. Max is executed by the Brute Squad. Dread Pirate Roberts lost at sea.

Limey · « **Reply #32 on:** July 08, 2013, 02:57:28 pm »

Gollum throws Frodo into the lava; hands the ring to Sauron; Middle Earth tortured for all eternity.

subnuclear · « **Reply #33 on:** July 08, 2013, 03:01:40 pm »

Herbie goes bananas. Backs over Ken Berry.

HudsonHawk · « **Reply #34 on:** July 08, 2013, 03:05:45 pm »

Kelly Leak safe at home, giving the Bears the championship. Buttermaker throw a victory party, but is later indicted on 9 counts of exposing himself to underage boys. Amanda Wurlitzer now a dancer at a Houston strip joint.

NeilT · « **Reply #35 on:** July 08, 2013, 03:48:32 pm »

The bandits overrun the village. All 7 samurai and the male villagers die. The women are carried back to the cave as concubines.

NeilT · « **Reply #36 on:** July 08, 2013, 03:53:05 pm »

Nuke Laloosh blows out his arm at Durham, gets a job at a gas station so he can hang around town bothering Annie. Crash gets called up to AAA where he plays one more season as a backup catcher.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #37 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:04:19 pm »

Bruce enters a lifelong depression after his parents' death, eventually turning to a life of crime.

Craig · « **Reply #38 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:21:30 pm »

Kelly's Heroes roll into the town square to find that the Tiger tank has been repaired, and it blows the shit out of Oddball's Sherman, killing Kelly in the process because he's riding behind the turret like an idiot. Big Joe, Crapgame, Cowboy, and the remaining squad members are captured and spend the rest of the war in a POW camp, except for Little Joe who is shot as a traitor because he's first-generation Italian. The marching band eventually liberates Claremont, but the bank has been cleaned out by the crew of the Tiger tank, who used it to buy a new fuel system. The first one was a piece of junk and leaked all over the place.

hostros7 · « **Reply #39 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:29:16 pm »

There is no party at the moon tower. Wooderson marries a college girl, who continues to age.

Ebby Calvin · « **Reply #40 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:32:08 pm »

Quote from: GreatBagwellsBeard on July 08, 2013, 04:04:19 pm

Bruce enters a lifelong depression after his parents' death, eventually turning to a life of crime.

Solid.

hostros7 · « **Reply #41 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:32:55 pm »

The Baumer's suicide attempt is successful, leading to Royal leaving the family home for good. He will then drink himself to a slow death alone, homeless on the street. Chas drowns Artie and Uzi in the bathtub.

MikeyBoy · « **Reply #42 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:37:33 pm »

The Titans lose a game. Herman Boone gets fired. Integration of public school, fails.

geezerdonk · « **Reply #43 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:37:53 pm »

Deb gives Napoleon a dose of the clap. Pedro gets deported. Tina chokes on a sirloin.

subnuclear · « **Reply #44 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:40:36 pm »

Bond villian shoots Bond without saying anything.

Limey · « **Reply #45 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:46:45 pm »

Dr. Crowe isn't dead; his wife hates him and is banging the kid from the store. Cole is actually crazy and his Mum has him institutionalized.

GreatBagwellsBeard · « **Reply #46 on:** July 08, 2013, 04:56:14 pm »

Quote from: hostros7 on July 08, 2013, 04:32:55 pm

The Baumer's suicide attempt is successful, leading to Royal leaving the family home for good. He will then drink himself to a slow death alone, homeless on the street. Chas drowns Artie and Uzi in the bathtub.

Nice.

Max fucks Miss Cross. She's arrested for statutory rape and deported. Herman Blume drowns in his pool. His sons inherit his business. The movie is shot in NYC.

Limey · « **Reply #47 on:** July 08, 2013, 05:01:43 pm »

Dorothy wakes up back in Kansas, and realises that she's just coming down from meth. She blows the three creepy dudes hanging around her place to get another hit.

hostros7 · « **Reply #48 on:** July 08, 2013, 05:03:24 pm »

These last two here are both strong to quite strong.

Limey · « **Reply #49 on:** July 08, 2013, 05:05:31 pm »

Quote from: hostros7 on July 08, 2013, 05:03:24 pm

These last two here are both strong to quite strong.

I had another ending for Dorothy. It was much worse than that one...

NeilT · « **Reply #50 on:** July 08, 2013, 05:05:39 pm »

After the divorce from Chris, Anna invades his house wearing a bullet-proof vest and carrying a steel baton and a gun. She's arrested.

The Spleen · « **Reply #51 on:** July 08, 2013, 05:11:25 pm »

300:

ايرانيان پيروز شد. همه ما از زبان فارسی صحبت می کنند.

Col. Sphinx Drummond · « **Reply #52 on:** July 08, 2013, 06:46:02 pm »

Ben arrives in Las Vegas and immediately stops at a pharmacy to get his prescription for Disulfiram filled.

Nate Colbert · « **Reply #53 on:** July 08, 2013, 06:57:03 pm »

In 2008, on the bridge Clarence tells subprime mortgage lender George--"I'm just here to give you a push." #itsawonderfullifethesequel

NeilT · « **Reply #54 on:** July 08, 2013, 07:37:16 pm »

Peter Parker goes into convulsions and without prompt medical aid dies of a spider bite.

Waldo · « **Reply #55 on:** July 09, 2013, 12:54:42 am »

Ace is cool with the fact that Finkle is Einhorn.

ybbodeus · « **Reply #56 on:** July 09, 2013, 07:18:59 am »

Harry had in fact fired six shots and not five. Punk eludes capture and flees to Fresno to open People's Church location with Rev. Jim Jones.

Limey · « **Reply #57 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:15:17 am »

Private Ryan became a Nixon White House aide.

BUWebguy · « **Reply #58 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:23:32 am »

Doc Brown never opens the letter. Terrorists win.

MusicMan · « **Reply #59 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:28:04 am »

Quote from: BUWebguy on July 09, 2013, 09:23:32 am

Doc Brown never opens the letter. Terrorists win.

Marty accepts the drink, ends up banging his mom, and erasing himself from existence.

HudsonHawk · « **Reply #60 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:35:16 am »

Veronica Corningstone is savagely eaten by bears. All of San Diego watches in horror.

MusicMan · « **Reply #61 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:44:23 am »

Danny Noonan misses the putt. Nobody gets laid.

Limey · « **Reply #62 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:56:40 am »

Michael "Mike" Bolton gets the decimal point wrong in the other direction; the lads are drip-fed fractions of pennies at an excruciatingly slow pace; Peter is forced to keep working for Lumbergh - who actually does fuck Joanna - for the rest of his life, to keep the secret safe.

NeilT · « **Reply #63 on:** July 09, 2013, 10:07:57 am »

Karin chokes on the hot dog because Moonlight refused to leave the field. Ray Kinsella loses the farm to the bank.

Taras Bulba · « **Reply #64 on:** July 09, 2013, 02:08:38 pm »

Tom Doniphon shoots high and is promptly dispatched by Liberty Valance. Valance, Floyd, and Reese force Dutton Peabody to make the Shinbone Star the house organ for their nefarious activities. Hallie is at first horrified but finds herself kind of turned on by the whole bad boy thing and is subsequently impregnated by one of the gang (not sure which). Pompey runs off. Major Cassius Starbuckle wins the territorial election hands down and Arizona becomes part of Sonora. Ransom Stoddard spends the rest of his life washing dishes and picking up steaks that Valance throws on the floor. There is no USS Arizona, so the Nips bomb and torpedo a bunch of water.

HudsonHawk · « **Reply #65 on:** July 09, 2013, 02:41:42 pm »

Quote from: NeilT on July 09, 2013, 10:07:57 am

Karin chokes on the hot dog because Moonlight refused to leave the field. Ray Kinsella loses the farm to the bank.

I was gonna post; "Eddie Ciccote beans Moonlight Graham right in the temple for winking. Graham is left to die at home plate, blood pouring from his ears, as no one notices Karin choking on the hot dog. The movie ends not with a line of cars, but with two hearses picking up dead bodies.

geezerdonk · « **Reply #66 on:** July 09, 2013, 03:17:26 pm »

Quote from: Taras Bulba on July 09, 2013, 02:08:38 pm

Tom Doniphon shoots high and is promptly dispatched by Liberty Valance. Valance, Floyd, and Reese force Dutton Peabody to make the Shinbone Star the house organ for their nefarious activities. Hallie is at first horrified but finds herself kind of turned on by the whole bad boy thing and is subsequently impregnated by one of the gang (not sure which). Pompey runs off. Major Cassius Starbuckle wins the territorial election hands down and Arizona becomes part of Sonora. Ransom Stoddard spends the rest of his life washing dishes and picking up steaks that Valance throws on the floor. There is no USS Arizona, so the Nips bomb and torpedo a bunch of water.

Link Appleyard gets a Nutrisystem franchise and is elected president of the local LULAC chapter.

OregonStrosFan · « **Reply #67 on:** July 09, 2013, 03:22:07 pm »

Red Sox lose the World Series and the internets are stretched beyond capacity by continued blathering about the Curse of the Banbino.

Taras Bulba · « **Reply #68 on:** July 09, 2013, 04:44:11 pm »

John Kerry throws Theresa off his yacht. Gets the entire Heinz fortune and tells everyone to go fuck themselves. Parties with Robert Wagner.

hostros7 · « **Reply #69 on:** July 09, 2013, 05:19:28 pm »

Quote from: Taras Bulba on July 09, 2013, 04:44:11 pm

John Kerry throws Theresa off his yacht. Gets the entire Heinz fortune and tells everyone to go fuck themselves. Parties with Robert Wagner.

This whole unfortunate episode has just been an uncomfortable reminder of a former poster here with an annoying avatar. The world as seen through an SnS lens.

http://www.koreanwaronline.com/history/jpegs/TeresaKerry.jpg

HudsonHawk · « **Reply #70 on:** July 09, 2013, 05:34:35 pm »

Quote from: Taras Bulba on July 09, 2013, 04:44:11 pm

John Kerry throws Theresa off his yacht. Gets the entire Heinz fortune and tells everyone to go fuck themselves. Parties with Robert Wagner.

Too soon!!!

Navin R Johnson · « **Reply #71 on:** July 09, 2013, 05:40:15 pm »

Enraged by being kicked out of the house, Harry eats the Hendersons. #Bleakerendings

subnuclear · « **Reply #72 on:** July 09, 2013, 08:46:13 pm »

Buckaroo Banzai explains exactly why New Jersey is wearing a red cowboy suit.

Col. Sphinx Drummond · « **Reply #73 on:** July 09, 2013, 08:50:40 pm »

Quote from: hostros7 on July 09, 2013, 05:19:28 pm

This whole unfortunate episode has just been an uncomfortable reminder of a former poster here with an annoying avatar. The world as seen through an SnS lens.

http://www.koreanwaronline.com/history/jpegs/TeresaKerry.jpg

I miss Dobro.

Lefty · « **Reply #74 on:** July 09, 2013, 09:43:39 pm »

Slim Pickens has a parachute.

drew corleone · « **Reply #75 on:** July 09, 2013, 11:20:27 pm »

The Indians lose the ALCS; Hollywood makes two crappy sequels.

Oh, wait...

Trey · « **Reply #76 on:** July 10, 2013, 03:24:49 am »

The marble bag falls out of Mikey's pocket. Homes are razed, and the golf course is built. Andi marries Troy. The Fratellis hunt everyone down for sport.

Clark in Denver · « **Reply #77 on:** July 10, 2013, 09:44:46 am »

Instead of winning the 2005 World Series and becoming a perennial National League powerhouse, they are swept in four games by the White Sox. Jeff Bagwell's shoulder continues to degenerate, and he is forced to retire. Poor management and questionable personnel moves causes the team to fall to the bottom of the standings. The team is eventually sold and moved to the American League. The games are no longer on tv, and Jim Deshaies goes to the Cubs. Bud Selig remains commissioner of Major League Baseball. #bleakestending

Did I do that right?

Waldo · « **Reply #78 on:** July 10, 2013, 10:39:28 am »

Quote from: Clark in Denver on July 10, 2013, 09:44:46 am

Instead of winning the 2005 World Series and becoming a perennial National League powerhouse, they are swept in four games by the White Sox. Jeff Bagwell's shoulder continues to degenerate, and he is forced to retire. Poor management and questionable personnel moves causes the team to fall to the bottom of the standings. The team is eventually sold and moved to the American League. The games are no longer on tv, and Jim Deshaies goes to the Cubs. Bud Selig remains commissioner of Major League Baseball. #bleakestending

Did I do that right?

#bleakestending would've been a sale of the team to Jeffrey Loria.

Limey · « **Reply #79 on:** July 11, 2013, 02:02:47 pm »

Quote from: Waldo on July 10, 2013, 10:39:28 am

#bleakestending would've been a sale of the team to Jeffrey Loria.

The bleakest ending is Clark's truth-bomb. Stone cold thread killer.

astrosfan76 · « **Reply #80 on:** July 11, 2013, 09:13:32 pm »

Benny "The Jet" isn't able to retrieve the baseball, instead being mauled by the Beast, resulting in severe ligament damage. He never reaches the majors. Smalls does not get the Yankees ball from Mr. Mertle and his step-dad goes nuts on him for destroying the Babe Ruth ball. He is scarred from the experience, is sent to live with his grandmother, and vows to never watch another baseball game. Squints does not marry Wendy Peffercorn and later becomes a registered sex offender.

NeilT · « **Reply #81 on:** July 11, 2013, 09:24:18 pm »

Quote from: astrosfan76 on July 11, 2013, 09:13:32 pm

Benny "The Jet" isn't able to retrieve the baseball, instead being mauled by the Beast, resulting in severe ligament damage. He never reaches the majors. Smalls does not get the Yankees ball from Mr. Mertle and his step-dad goes nuts on him for destroying the Babe Ruth ball. He is scarred from the experience, is sent to live with his grandmother, and vows to never watch another baseball game. Squints does not marry Wendy Peffercorn and later becomes a registered sex offender.

Now that's bleak.

ybbodeus · « **Reply #82 on:** July 12, 2013, 10:41:55 am »

Bartman opts to stay home for game six.

VirtualBob · « **Reply #83 on:** July 12, 2013, 02:30:00 pm »

Quote from: Limey on July 11, 2013, 02:02:47 pm

The bleakest ending is Clark's truth-bomb. Stone cold thread killer.

Agreed ... the rest is just a zombie thread.