Matinee Special April 3, 2013 stRangers @ Astros

[Mr. Happy]

Here are the lineups that HH will see today (why is Walrus still in there and why is Pena hitting third):

stRangers

2BIan Kinsler
SSElvis Andrus
DHLance Berkman
3BAdrian Beltre
LFDavid Murphy
RFNelson Cruz
CA.J. Pierzynski
1BMitch Moreland
CFLeonys Martin

Astros

2B Jose Altuve
1B Brett Wallace
DH Carlos Pena
LF Chris Carter
C Jason Castro
CF Justin Maxwell
RF Rick Ankiel
3B Matt Dominguez
SS Ronny Cedeno

[geezerdonk]

The King should be starting at short.

[OregonStrosFan]

Looking for help on betting lines for today's game:

*Over-under on Astros strikeouts?
*Over-under on how long (in innings) it will take HH to wish a severe beating on an Arlington Ranger fan?  How long he can restrain himself  from severely beating a ARL fan?  How many ARL fans he will ultimately administer severe beatings to?
*Over-under on which inning Mr. Happy will drop Walrus from his fantasy team?

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen.

[Mr. Happy]

Looking for help on betting lines for today's game:

*Over-under on Astros strikeouts?
*Over-under on how long (in innings) it will take HH to wish a severe beating on an Arlington Ranger fan?  How long he can restrain himself  from severely beating a ARL fan?  How many ARL fans he will ultimately administer severe beatings to?
*Over-under on which inning Mr. Happy will drop Walrus from his fantasy team?

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen.

Very funny. I've got him in the lineup today, thinking that this just can't continue.

[moriartp]

I don't know how deep the league is or who else is available, but I can't see Wallace having much fantasy value. I'd drop him.

[HudsonHawk]

Looking for help on betting lines for today's game:

*Over-under on Astros strikeouts?
*Over-under on how long (in innings) it will take HH to wish a severe beating on an Arlington Ranger fan?  How long he can restrain himself  from severely beating a ARL fan?  How many ARL fans he will ultimately administer severe beatings to?
*Over-under on which inning Mr. Happy will drop Walrus from his fantasy team?

Thanks, I'll hang up and listen.

13
0/2/11
6

[HudsonHawk]

Very funny. I've got him in the lineup today, thinking that this just can't continue.

You fantasy owners are so cute in April.

[subnuclear]

*Over-under on how long (in innings) it will take HH to wish a severe beating on an Arlington Ranger fan?  How long he can restrain himself  from severely beating a ARL fan?  How many ARL fans he will ultimately administer severe beatings to?

As a resident of Arlington, Va. it annoys me to see the Rangers associated with the name of my municipality.

[Jacksonian]

You fantasy owners are so cute in April.

Right. And you'll thank me for benching Castro today after he goes 4-4.

[BudGirl]

Right. And you'll thank me for benching Castro today after he goes 4-4.

If he won't, I will.

[Mr. Happy]

You fantasy owners are so cute in April.

Yes, we are. And I realize that I am guaranteeing an ofer from him today, but it was my best option with Freese out. I doubt that CJ, my temporary backup with Freese on the DL, will be in the lineup today against Halladay.

[OregonStrosFan]

Altuve breaks up the perfecto/no-no with a leadoff double.  (And if it helps Mr. Happy, Wallace shattered his bat and grounded out rather than striking out in B1, so there is that...).

[HudsonHawk]

Pena and Carter are about as weak a middle of the order as you'll ever see. At any level.

[MusicMan]

Strikeouts are going to be an ongoing theme for this club.  Pena/Carter with back to back K's to strand Altuve at 3b.

[MusicMan]

Pena and Carter are about as weak a middle of the order as you'll ever see. At any level.

The Marlins, with Polanco and Rob Brantly, rise in rebuttal.

[MikeyBoy]

Even on this team, Pena shouldn't even be near the 3-hole.

[BudGirl]

I must have missed how Carter had a great Spring because this is his third game and I don't think he's gotten close to getting a hit yet.

[Matt]

How long are they going to stick with Pena? He looks like he's got nothing left.

[flysig]

Pena and Carter are about as weak a middle of the order as you'll ever see. At any level.

Yep.
One of a litany of reasons I'll be drinking heavily during this season.

Speaking of drinking, don't mind if do so now...

[Bench]

I must have missed how Carter had a great Spring because this is his third game and I don't think he's gotten close to getting a hit yet.

He nearly had a home run last night.

[OregonStrosFan]

I must have missed how Carter had a great Spring because this is his third game and I don't think he's gotten close to getting a hit yet.

Could be worse... (background info as part of BP's 10 Milestones to Look Forward to in 2013):

In 2010, the A’s (now Astros’) Chris Carter came uncomfortably close to Vic Harris’ 1972 0-for-35 career-opening schneid, which remains a modern record for debut futility. Carter reached his 34th official at-bat in the majors before singling off the White Sox’ Scott Linebrink on September 20, 2010. (Look at the smile on Carter’s face.

[Fredia]

nice seeing the stranger leaving the bases loaded

[Ty in Tampa]

How long are they going to stick with Pena? He looks like he's got nothing left.

He's looked like this for 3 seasons or more.

[Matt]

He's looked like this for 3 seasons or more.

Yikes.

[BudGirl]

He nearly had a home run last night.

Well, never mind then.

[MRaup]

Jesus Christ, the blowjob the Ranger lineup is getting from the Ranger broadcasters is fucking disgusting. Didn't realize I was tuned in to the fucking Slapdick Sunshine Hour Rangers Broadcast.

FUCK, I hate the Rangers.

[roadrunner]

I have not impressed at all by Pena (including this Spring).  

[HudsonHawk]

Matt Dominguez:  Eddy Grant aficionado.

[remy]

Jesus Christ, the blowjob the Ranger lineup is getting from the Ranger broadcasters is fucking disgusting. Didn't realize I was tuned in to the fucking Slapdick Sunshine Hour Rangers Broadcast.

FUCK, I hate the Rangers.

+∞

[MusicMan]

You cannot stop our 9th hitters.  You can only hope to contain them.

[MRaup]

Hey Blue, FUCK OFF.

Neither of those 3-0 pitches were strikes.

Glad Wallace was patient and took the walk anyway.

[HudsonHawk]

Did Cedeno just swindle a base there?

[HudsonHawk]

"What Pena lacks in his swing, he makes up for with his lack of speed" - Neil T

[flysig]

I've heard cats being beaten against a tree that sound better than the Arlington stRangers' announcers.

Jesus Cristo, I despise that team from the Metroplex.

[MRaup]

Sweet weeping Jesus. That was the stupidest looking/sounding group of kids I think I've ever seen. And I've been to more than one Cubs game.

[Matt]

This team is bad.

[MRaup]

This team is bad.

Yeah, the Rangers are pretty terrible.

[Matt]

Yeah, the Rangers are pretty terrible.

The Rangers are fucking terrible.

[ferret]

Yeah, the Rangers are pretty terrible.

They are.  Which makes the grandiose pretensions of their announcers sound like they're reading from the Chip Caray 8 Ball.

[MusicMan]

With Ankiel's strikeout to lead off the fifth, the Astros' streak of striking out in LITERALLY EVERY INNING SO FAR continues.

[Bench]

With Ankiel's strikeout to lead off the fifth, the Astros' streak of striking out in LITERALLY EVERY INNING SO FAR continues.

The fantasy players out there would do well to spot start any pitcher going against the Astros.  At the very least, you'll dominate strikeouts.

[Matt]

With Ankiel's strikeout to lead off the fifth, the Astros' streak of striking out in LITERALLY EVERY INNING SO FAR continues.

Jesus.

[BudGirl]

Is there a score in this game?

[Matt]

Is there a score in this game?

0-0 in the top of the 6th

[Bench]

Is there a score in this game?

Nope.

[MRaup]

Is there a score in this game?

Score is Twinkie to K currently.

[Bench]

I like how MLB.com's gameday display includes Crane's Folly in left field, but have swapped out the "community leaders" for mlb.com references.

[MRaup]

I am honestly missing DoRay at this point.

This broadcast is unbearably terrible.

I'd rather read Fredia play by play with RayK providing color commentary.

[OregonStrosFan]

I realized last night that I hate Rangers fans far worse than I ever did Cubs fans. Or Co-ard fans. Or Yankee fans. Or Red Sox fans.  And THAT is saying quite a lot.

[BudGirl]

I think the difference is those fans have always there but the ranger fans are only around now because they have had some success. 

[flysig]

I realized last night that I hate Rangers fans far worse than I ever did Cubs fans. Or Co-ard fans. Or Yankee fans. Or Red Sox fans.  And THAT is saying quite a lot.

Bandwagon twats, all of 'em.

[MikeyBoy]

I am beginning to hate the Rangers players, fans, media, etc as much or more than the Cubs. Bud Selig has won.

[MusicMan]

Wallace K's.  Streak intact.  At this point, I'm rooting for it.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Now would be a good time for the Astros to quit fuckin' around.

[MRaup]

God damnit. Can we hire a "how to identify balls/strikes" coach?

On the plus side, at least Crane is saving money on AC bills with all the free air circulation.

[geezerdonk]

Nice outing by Humber.

[NeilT]

I'm saving my hatred for our natural rivals, the Mariners.

[MRaup]

HOLY SHIT! THERE'S A DRIVE TO DEEP RIGHT CENTER... caught my Ankiel just shy of the warning track.

These fucking clowns cry yard more than a room full of shirtless Cub fans.

[OregonStrosFan]

Wallace K's.  Streak intact.  At this point, I'm rooting for it.

So that I'm clear, you're saying that the Astros have struck out at least once in every inning so far this season? [I hope I have misunderstood, but am generally confident that I did not... FML...]

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I'm saving my hatred for our natural rivals, the Mariners.

I hate those gumless swabs.

[Ron Brand]

I am honestly missing DoRay at this point.

This broadcast is unbearably terrible.

I'd rather read Fredia play by play with RayK providing color commentary.

What are you listening to? I was really enjoying Ford and Sparks earlier.

[Bench]

What are you listening to? I was really enjoying Ford and Sparks earlier.

I thought he was watching the Rangers station.

[geezerdonk]

Four straight batters without a strike out.

[Fredia]

one on one out...wait martinez out

[geezerdonk]

Five

[Ron Brand]

I thought he was watching the Rangers station.

That would explain a lot.

[Bench]

Streak broken.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Man, this is frustrating.

[geezerdonk]

Six. How long can this last?

[MRaup]

Carter looks terrible at the plate, but at least he is shitty in the field too.

[Ty in Tampa]

This is a special kind of bad.

[Anit]

holy shit, carter...

[MRaup]

Carter looks terrible at the plate, but at least he is shitty in the field too.

Apparently I'm fucking psychic.

[Ty in Tampa]

fuck...that is amazing.

[Jacksonian]

Yeaaa Little League!

[geezerdonk]

I predict heavy roster turnover. Carter and Ambriz can carpool to Oklahoma City. If they start now they can be there for opening day.

[remy]

I've decided I'm not going to watch Astros games on the Rangers broadcast anymore.  I don't have enough money to replace the TV I'm liable to start punching and throwing shit at.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Altuve is a hitter.

[Matt]

Altuve is a hitter.

So there's one.

[Ty in Tampa]

Altuve is a the hitter.

[MRaup]

These two cheese-dicks are a perfect representation of why I hate the Rangers. They're a horrible combo of saying nothing and pointing out the stupidest shit humanly possible.

They spent MINUTES discussing the fingernail polish the Ranger catcher is wearing, and what color he prefers.

WHAT?

THE?

FUCK?

[Noe]

These two cheese-dicks are a perfect representation of why I hate the Rangers. They're a horrible combo of saying nothing and pointing out the stupidest shit humanly possible.

They spent MINUTES discussing the fingernail polish the Ranger catcher is wearing, and what color he prefers.

WHAT?

THE?

FUCK?

And to think, they got rid of Josh Lewelin too.

[Ty in Tampa]

So there's one.

2 seconds.

[Aussie Astro]

What did Ashby say yesterday that was so offensive?

[Noe]

Alan Ashby apologized today for insensitive remarks about Yu Darvish. What? Oh deer lowered.

[Noe]

What did Ashby say yesterday that was so offensive?

He said something to the effect of "That will force the young man to learn some English really quick!" (Meaning, if Darvish doesn't know how to swear in English, he will soon).

[MRaup]

Is the Ranger broadcast using some special sound effect machine for when they hit the ball? It doesn't even sound like a baseball bat hitting a baseball.

[MRaup]

SHUT THE FUCK UP! They're STILL speculating about Cruz's high and tight pitch to Kinsler two batters later.

How can ANYONE listen to this for a whole fucking season?

[Ty in Tampa]

Alan Ashby apologized today for insensitive remarks about Yu Darvish. What? Oh deer lowered.

He's used to the Canadian audience. They're too nice to be offended.

[Bench]

He said something to the effect of "That will force the young man to learn some English really quick!" (Meaning, if Darvish doesn't know how to swear in English, he will soon).

Even worse it was to the effect of "that'll force the guy to learn some of the language here in America."

[MRaup]

For fuck's sake...

I'm done with Carter. You butcher the outfield then come up and just don't even give a shit in your next at bat.

That was awful.

And fuck Lance Berkman being interviewed by Patty Smith on the Ranger's broadcast.

FUCK I hate the stupid Rangers.

[Ty in Tampa]

41 Ks in three games.

[Aussie Astro]

Even worse it was to the effect of "that'll force the guy to learn some of the language here in America."

Is that all?  I thought I must have missed something.

[MusicMan]

41 Ks in three games.

Over half of their outs.

[Bench]

Over half of their outs.

At least it boosts the opposing pitchers' pitch counts?

[geezerdonk]

I've got 43.

[MusicMan]

I've got 43.

As does Footer.  Sets a major-league record for the first 3 games.

[Ty in Tampa]

I've got 43.

You're right. 13-15-15. They hadn't updated today's box score when I checked.

[NeilT]

He said something to the effect of "That will force the young man to learn some English really quick!" (Meaning, if Darvish doesn't know how to swear in English, he will soon).

Should have said that that will force him to learn some Anglo Saxon then.

[NeilT]

You're right. 13-15-15. They hadn't updated today's box score when I checked.

We're a'goin for the record!

[Jacksonian]

You're right. 13-15-15. They hadn't updated today's box score when I checked.

Wallace alone accounts for 8 of them.  He's 1-10 with 8K's.

[Jacksonian]

As does Footer.  Sets a major-league record for the first 3 games.

Wallace, Pena, Carter, and Maxwell have 26 combined.  How's Freiman doing?

[Ron Brand]

Wallace, Pena, Carter, and Maxwell have 26 combined. 

The only surprise to me in all of this is that Carlos Pena has a job. All four of these guys are proven Whiff Kings.

[Mr. Happy]

Wallace alone accounts for 8 of them.  He's 1-10 with 8K's.

Don't remind me. Shitfick.

[OregonStrosFan]

Even worse it was to the effect of "that'll force the guy to learn some of the language here in America."

I thought it was more along the lines of he'd be learning new swear words in English. Whatever it was, in context I didn't recall it as something that raised my 'typically heightened PDX PC meter' too high. That said, I was highly offended at Blum or Ashby basically giving me a 'Clayton Williams' speech on the perfecto (sit back and enjoy it) and Blum's man crush on AJ F*cknut. Really felt the need to kick 'em in the nuts for that...

[Bench]

I thought it was more along the lines of he'd be learning new swear words in English.

Right.  What's offensive is that America has no official language, thus he very well already knows how to swear here in America.

Also, he's fluent in English. 

[MikeyBoy]

It's only been two games, but Ashby sucks. I think the Brown/Blum tandem could be very good.

[jbm]

What is their plan for the booth?  When Brown is there, are they going with three announcers, or alternating Blum and Ashby with Brown throughout the game.

Just curious, what is so awful about Ashby in the booth?

[pots]

Wallace, Pena, Carter, and Maxwell have 26 combined.  How's Freiman doing?

Went 2 for 3 with 0 Ks in his first appearance

[NeilT]

I haven't heard Ashby this time around, but I never liked him exactly when he was here.  He was the least dynamic radio personality ever.

[OregonStrosFan]

Right.  What's offensive is that America has no official language, thus he very well already knows how to swear here in America.

Also, he's fluent in English. 

And semi fluent in Spanish to boot (though he chooses to interview with a Japanese translator, which is neither here nor there).  Basically, whether correct or not, at the time it vaguely reminded me of the scene in Mr. 3000 where Stan Ross (Bernie Mac's character) tells Fukuda (the Japanese RP who hasn't mastered slang) that he was going to 'teach him to cuss', hence I didn't think anything of it.

In any event... Here is Ashby's apology and additional background misc.  Ashby has been doing commentary long enough to know better.

[Bench]

I haven't heard Ashby this time around, but I never liked him exactly when he was here.  He was the least dynamic radio personality ever.

I agree about the lack of dynamism, but he excelled at filling in the frequent gaps of information left by Milo. 

[pots]

Went 2 for 3 with 0 Ks in his first appearance

Pinch hit Sac Fly tonight. 

[OregonStrosFan]

Went 2 for 3 with 0 Ks in his first appearance

Dude will never make it to the big club until he ups his strikeout ratio...

[BudGirl]

Dude will never make it to the big club until he ups his strikeout ratio...

That's not funny.  It is but it isn't.

[Mr. Happy]

That's not funny.  It is but it isn't.

And it wasn't that funny to begin with.

[OregonStrosFan]

Rangers fans, keeping it classy as usual...