That's easy. What I want to know about is his problem with Randall's.
A long, long time ago I had a run of 200 cheques stolen. I closed that account immediately and reported the theft to the police, but that didn't stop the cheques from being written to numerous unwitting vendors. A number of them were written to Randall's (about $6k's worth in the end - I kept a spreadsheet), and I would reply very politely to each of their shitty letters telling them that the cheque was stolen, here's the police report, please do not accept any more cheques on this account.
Fast forward a few years, and a few address changes later: I am shopping for car insurance. I get a good deal, but I cannot bind it because I have two warrants for my arrest outstanding. WTF?!! Turns out both are the result of Randall's prosecuting me for passing stolen cheques. I guess the letters hadn't followed me through multiple address changes, so they just went ahead and filed with the cops - totally failing to cross-reference with their own fucking files.
I "turn myself in" for the warrants and get both warrants cleared in the separate courts in which they were filed, one easily and one not so easily*. In the meantime, I had called Randall's accounting department to figure out a way not to have this happen again. I told them that if it helps, I will never shop there again so they should not ever take any form of payment with my name on it. They said that they could not do this because the people they employ to run the registers are too stupid to perform any kind of check (seriously, she used the word "stupid"). I asked her if their office staff were too stupid to cross-reference the name and account number, and figure out it's the same dance that we've done over a dozen times - she told me that was also the case. I told them they needed to start hiring smarter people, starting with her position.
* I had to go to Pasedena to answer the second warrant. I was the only non-court personnel person in a suit and possibly in a minority of people wearing shoes and sleeves. I had to sit and wait to be called in front of the Assistant DA, and so I was forced to witness a parade of sad reality: repeat delinquency of minors and adults, spousal abuse and people too stupid to stay out of jail. There's no getting away from it either, as you are not allowed to use a phone or even read a book. Then my name was called. I sat down at the ADA's table and presented all my evidence - a big, fat file of correspondence, including the aforementioned spreadsheet, a copy of my affidavit attesting to the theft and a copy of the police report. I was calm and confident because this had been more than sufficient for the Houston ADA to dismiss my case swiftly and without fuss.
The ADA flicked through my file, absent-mindedly looking at some pages. I highlighted to him the numerous times I had corresponded with Randall's in the past, some 20 or so occasions. He flicked some more pages. He asked me why I had kept such a file, which was a stupid question because, as I told him, it was because I feared exactly this type of situation. He suggested that I had put it together specifically for this proceeding - another stupid question - and I assured him that I began compiling the file the moment the first bounced cheque letter hit my mailbox. When the cheques had first been stolen, the shitty letters from Randall's and others came thick and fast, and I wanted to make sure my arse was covered.
He closed my file and pushed it away from him dismissively. He told me that, based on the evidence presented, he was inclined to dismiss my case. Inclined? WTF? Then he mustered as much Law and Order gravitas as he could through that pencil neck and into his pin head and said "BUT!...if evidence comes to my attention sometime down the road that you
did write these cheques...I will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law!"
I really, really, really wanted to slam his head against the desk a la There's Something About Mary, but I didn't. I was as much of a victim here as Randall's - moreso, in my opinion, because I had no control over this while Randall's did. But I held my cool and sat back in my pew waiting to be dismissed - which had been instantaneous in Houston but, in Pasedena, took a few moments to process paperwork first, or so the ADA told me. That fucker never moved any of my papers off his desk (I was watching), kept me waiting for an hour and a half,
an hour and a fucking half of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo's Even More Fucked Up Relatives", and then announced that I could leave.
The whole situation burns me to this day, and if I ever saw that ADA out and about I would bring down some mighty vengeance upon him. What a miserable little twat, living a such a miserable life that he has to exercise his tiny little bit of power over people who fall into his sphere of authority through no fault of their own. I would do my best to do him a favour by beating all that misery out of him.
That's why I don't shop at Randall's. Also, have you seen how fucking expensive they are?
