Jakes @ Astros 9/26/11, The Happy Meal Gone Amok

[Ron Brand]

R. Furcal SS
D. Freese 3B
A. Pujols 1B    
M. Holliday LF
L. Berkman RF
Y. Molina C    
R. Theriot 2B
J. Jay CF
J. Garcia P

J. Bourgeois CF
A. Sanchez 2B
J.D. Martinez LF
C. Lee 1B
M. Downs RF
C. Johnson 3B
C. Barmes SS
J.R. Towles C
W. Rodriguez P

Inexplicable tie-in. The MLB Happy Meal.

[Ron Brand]

Both sides go down in order in the first.

[Navin R Johnson]

Didn't realize Pujols only had 98 RBIs, that is currently 4 ahead of Carlos Lee.

[Ron Brand]

Do we have anyone representing at the game? Looks like an intimate gathering.

[Ron Brand]

Didn't realize Pujols only had 98 RBIs, that is currently 4 ahead of Carlos Lee.

Cool. Another storyline.

[Ron Brand]

Fuck. Double by Holliday on a 3-2 pitch.

[Ron Brand]

Stop your fucking whining, Fat Elvis. It was a strike.

[Ron Brand]

CJ nabs a rocket down the line and almost gets Holliday going back to second. Fantastic play by CJ.

[Ron Brand]

Wandy is sharp as cafeteria Jell-o.

[Ron Brand]

Molina walks. Theriot is trying to kill the ball, which means it's time for another Mound Visit by Rodeo Clown.

[Ron Brand]

Theriot pops up on a low 3-2 fastball and there are two outs. Runners on first and second.

[Ron Brand]

Jay can't solve Wandy's curve and rolls out slowly to Lee to end the top of the second. Still no score.

[Ron Brand]

Carlos grounds out to third. Downs up.

[Ron Brand]

Downs pops out to center.

Showing a remembrance of Nolan Ryan's fifth no-hitter. I saw that one, drunk and getting drunker at Jorge's in Austin with the first ex-Mrs. Brand.

[Ron Brand]

CJ whiffs and two innings are done.

[Ron Brand]

A new rule: never interview Star Wars characters.

[austro]

A new rule: never interview Star Wars characters.

Unless you're a cigar-chomping dog puppet.

[Ron Brand]

Garcia grounded out while they were busy fucking around showing us nerds in suits. Furcal strikes out, missing a curveball in a most embarrassing corkscrewing.

[Ron Brand]

Unless you're a cigar-chomping dog puppet.

FOR ME TO POOP ON!

[Ron Brand]

Hell. Pujols just dribbles one past CJ that goes for a double, runners on second and third with two outs.

[Navin R Johnson]

And Johnson makes up for his early gem by looking like the 3rd basemen in a D league softball game who has had 16 miller lites.

[Navin R Johnson]

Pujols is the anti-Bagwell on the base paths.

[Ron Brand]

Single to left by Holliday drives in the first run but Pujols is out at the plate by ten feet. 1-0 Whiny Red Pieces of Shit.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Metal Sawing Technology is one of my favorite ballpark sponsors.

[Ron Brand]

Barmes leads off the bottom of the third with a single to right.

[Ron Brand]

Towles for Strasburg and five million bucks. Make it happen.

[Ron Brand]

Holy shit. Corporan's infant son went through eight hours of open heart surgery today. Wow.

[Ron Brand]

Towles beats out an infield hit that moves Barmes to third.

[JaneDoe]

Nice baserunning by Barmes.

[austro]

Ha! Nice job covering the plate there, Pujols.

[Ron Brand]

Wandy drops a sac down in front of the plate and Barmes plays it perfectly, coming home on the throw to first and beating the throw home pretty easily. Outstanding.

1-1, one out, runner on second, Boojwah up.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Holy shit. Corporan's infant son went through eight hours of open heart surgery today. Wow.

What a bummer.

[Ron Brand]

Boojwah doubles to left and it's 2-1 Good Guys!

[chuck]

Pujols is the anti-Bagwell on the base paths.

Pujols is basically the anti-Bagwell.

[Mr. Happy]

A new rule: never interview Star Wars characters.

No shit. That was fucking horrible!

[Ron Brand]

I would be happy to see Barmes back next year.

[Ron Brand]

Sanchez whiffs, two down.

[Navin R Johnson]

I would be happy to see Barmes back next year.

Indeed.  Supposedly a great clubhouse guy too.

[Ron Brand]

Garcia stalked off the mound after the K, thinking that was out #3. Rockhead.

[Mr. Happy]

Ha! Nice job covering the plate there, Pujols.

Pupils is a tickturd

[Ron Brand]

Indeed.  Supposedly a great clubhouse guy too.

Sign him up!

Oh, I guess we need a new owner first.

[Ron Brand]

Martinez bounces out to the mound ending the third. 2-1 Good Guys.

[Mr. Happy]

Fred Loyal Insurance must be a big organization.

[Ron Brand]

Boy, that Jack in the Box commercial. That girl is a less-attractive-but-close-enough-to-jar-the-memory version of a girl who broke RB's tiny heart years ago. Bring back Mrs. Jack!

[Ron Brand]

Fred Loyal Insurance must be a big organization.

He has flat taken over central and south Texas.

[Ron Brand]

I would get a TiVo Season Pass to the Mrs. Jack sitcom.

[Ron Brand]

Hm. Foxtrax says every single one of those pitches was a strike but it's 3-2.

[Mr. Happy]

Boy, that Jack in the Box commercial. That girl is a less-attractive-but-close-enough-to-jar-the-memory version of a girl who broke RB's tiny heart years ago. Bring back Mrs. Jack!

What's with this putting  the hitters on the board in Star Wars outfit?

[Ron Brand]

But the last two weren't, and he walks Cholo Molina.

[Navin R Johnson]

He has flat taken over central and south Texas.

You gotta deny a lot of claims to get to this level of society....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnLOzem4VI

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

He has flat taken over central and south Texas.

I've heard complaints about treatment after filing a claim. But most people only care if insurance is cheap or if they can pay monthly. They learn the real value if they have to use it.

[Ron Brand]

What's with this putting  the hitters on the board in Star Wars outfit?

It's a fucking Happy Meal. Someone's idea of Cute. And it's all over MLB, not just in Houston.

[chuck]

What's with this putting  the hitters on the board in Star Wars outfit?

I don't know but it has something to do with cancer. Sort of like the Hispanic heritage night going on in Dallas at the football game.

[Ron Brand]

I've heard complaints about treatment after filing a claim. But most people only care if insurance is cheap or if they can pay monthly. They learn the real value if they have to use it.

Exactly. This is part of what happens when you require insurance in order to get a license.

[Mr. Happy]

Nice twin-killing!

[Ron Brand]

I don't know but it has something to do with cancer. Sort of like the Hispanic heritage night going on in Dallas at the football game.

It's a bullshit excuse to pimp the Star Wars Blu-Rays that come out today or tomorrow. They're 'affiliated' with 'Stand up to Cancer.'

Whatever.

[Ron Brand]

Ok Carlos, put another one in the Boxes.

[chuck]

Exactly. This is part of what happens when you require insurance in order to get a license.

Wait, what? You need insurance to get a driver's license? Why the fuck would you need insurance for a license? When did this bullshit start?

[Ron Brand]

Or take a walk. Either one.

[chuck]

DOINK.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

proof of insurance is needed to register an auto, not for a license.

[Ron Brand]

Wait, what? You need insurance to get a driver's license? Why the fuck would you need insurance for a license? When did this bullshit start?

Yeah, maybe I'm talking out of my ass. You need insurance to get your car inspected, to make it legal to drive it. I doubt you need it for the license.

[Navin R Johnson]

The look of disgust on Garcia's face was fantastic.

[Ron Brand]

Matt Downs just showed why he is tonight's right fielder.

[Navin R Johnson]

It is to bad for the Cardinals that JMike is injured or Downs wouldn't be playing.

[Mr. Happy]

Downs!

[Ron Brand]

proof of insurance is needed to register an auto, not for a license.

And I'm not saying it's a bad thing to require insurance - I don't know if it is or not - but that insurance that is cheap and maybe unreliable is going to be a byproduct of that requirement.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

It is to bad for the Cardinals that JMike is injured or Downs wouldn't be playing.

So true.

[Navin R Johnson]

You need insurance to get a TDL too.

http://www.txdps.state.tx.us/DriverLicense/ApplyforLicense.htm
Requirements for All Applicants
All first time applicants for a Texas driver license must:

10. Provide a vehicle for the driving exam and present current liability insurance, Texas vehicle registration, and inspection for the vehicle.

[chuck]

I guess I'm a step behind everyone else but I just realized that Downs is being given a real audition to take over RF next year.

[Ron Brand]

I guess I'm a step behind everyone else but I just realized that Downs is being given a real audition to take over RF next year.

It's pretty wide open. They don't appear to think that Shuck is the guy. They've put Boojwah out there but he doesn't have the arm for it.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I thought the first Star Wars was pretty cool when it came out in '77 but the other two were kind of lame. I haven't been able to sit through any of he three more recent ones.

[Ron Brand]

You need insurance to get a TDL too.

http://www.txdps.state.tx.us/DriverLicense/ApplyforLicense.htm
Requirements for All Applicants
All first time applicants for a Texas driver license must:

10. Provide a vehicle for the driving exam and present current liability insurance, Texas vehicle registration, and inspection for the vehicle.

That's not real clear. Seems like you could use someone else's car as long as it was insured and registered, and then you wouldn't personally have to have the insurance, etc. It's reasonable to have to furnish the vehicle for the driving test, but not reasonable to require someone to own a car before they could get a license to drive.

[Mr. Happy]

Who gives a fuck about the social media fans?

[Ron Brand]

I thought the first Star Wars was pretty cool when it came out in '77 but the other two were kind of lame. I haven't been able to sit through any of he three more recent ones.

I liked the first three but it's not like they were life-changing experiences for me. Now, Pink Flamingos - that was a life-changing experience...

[Ron Brand]

Who gives a fuck about the social media fans?

Hey, that's probably 120 people out of a crowd of several hundred. It's a huge percentage.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Hankook is another one of my favorite stadium home plate wall sponsors. Hell yeah!

[Ron Brand]

Runners on first and second, no outs, Furcal up. 4-1 Astros, top of the fifth.

[Mr. Happy]

You're probably right, RB. Fuck,  Wandy. Walk Laird?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Hey, that's probably 120 people Footer stalkers out of a crowd of several hundred. It's a huge percentage.

FIFY

[Ron Brand]

FIFY

Poor girl.

[Mr. Happy]

FIFY

Poor Fuckhouse.

[Ron Brand]

Dink single to right loads 'em up with no outs.

[Mr. Happy]

The bats giveth, and the pitching giveth away?

[Ron Brand]

Pitching around Freese is not a good plan. The next three hitters are pretty decent.

[Ron Brand]

Nice. 4-6-3 double play. 4-2 now, Pujols up, runner on third.

[austro]

192 double plays? And they still lead the league in runs scored?

[Mr. Happy]

Fuck you, Pujols.

[Ron Brand]

That was a LOT of yelling for a loud foul. There must be way too many Jake fans there tonight.

[Ron Brand]

Suck it you asshole!

Struck him out on a fastball away. Ha!

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Pooholes is a cocksucking punk, ain't he?

[Ron Brand]

192 double plays? And they still lead the league in runs scored?

That's a lot of guys getting on base.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Ain't he?!?!?

[Ron Brand]

McClellan in to pitch, Punto in for Furcal. LaGenius.

[Ron Brand]

Ain't he?!?!?

Fuck yes he is.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Wandy!

[Ron Brand]

Wandy crushes an opposite field double off the inner side of the Boxes.

[Ron Brand]

C'mon Boojwah, get that run back.

[Ron Brand]

Nubber to the mound, one out.

[austro]

That's a lot of guys getting on base.

Baseball-reference.com says 166 double plays, which is still 44 more than the next highest. Team OBP is .339; league avg is .319, and the Astros are at .311.

[Mr. Happy]

Come on, JD!

[Ron Brand]

Sanchez has lost his mojo; meek groundout to third. Astros are gonna fuck around and waste that leadoff double. Who'da thunk it?

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I don't think I've noticed the Fast Five home plate wall ad before.

[chuck]

Hankook is another one of my favorite stadium home plate wall sponsors. Hell yeah!

I've got Hangkook tires on my rig down here.

[Ron Brand]

Atlanta is not making the Astros' role as spoiler any easier.

[Ron Brand]

I've got Hangkook tires on my rig down here.

A personal endorsement!

[austro]

Astros are gonna fuck around and waste that leadoff double. Who'da thunk it?

Yeah, they hardly ever do that.

[Ron Brand]

Martinez singles Wandy to third.

[Ron Brand]

What the hell? They pulled Martinez and put Schafer in?

JD speculates it's because Martinez fouled a ball off his foot earlier.

[Mr. Happy]

Sanchez has lost his mojo; meek groundout to third. Astros are gonna fuck around and waste that leadoff double. Who'da thunk it?
[/quote

Sanchez hasn't hit since he came out of the starting lineup.

[Ron Brand]

McClellan pitches around Lee and puts him on.

[remy]

JD speculates it's because Martinez fouled a ball off his foot earlier.

Yeah he hit it hard... probably swelled up and barking pretty good at this point.

[Ron Brand]

And for Matt Downs...opportunity knocks.

[Mr. Happy]

And for Matt Downs...opportunity knocks.

Shitfuck!

[Ron Brand]

Downs couldn't hold back from the cutter up and in, pops it up to end the inning.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

And for Matt Downs...opportunity knocks.

Nobody home.

[Ron Brand]

Waaaaay too many people wearing red in the stands.

[Ron Brand]

Fuck you, Berkman.

[Mr. Happy]

Fuck you, Molina, you tattooed fuck!

[Ron Brand]

Fuck the Jakes!

[Ron Brand]

It's kinda like The Wave. Only better.

[Mr. Happy]

Let's get some runs and throw these assholes a shitburger.

[Ron Brand]

Mitchell Boggs next in line to tongue the Astro colon.

[Ron Brand]

Son, you ain't never gonna hit that pitch. Never.

[Ron Brand]

Boggs made CJ look terrible. He's got some nasty stuff.

[Mr. Happy]

Nice plate work, CJ-working on a golden sombrero.

[Ron Brand]

Maybe Towles is wearing someone else's Power Balance necklace. His hologram is all wrong.

[Ron Brand]

What was that? Five pitches? Six? Jeez.

[Mr. Happy]

Well that frame didn't work out too well for us.

[chuck]

Boggs made CJ look terrible. He's got some nasty stuff.

It was CJ's third of the night. His defense is poor and he's lost at the plate. I'll be very surprised if he gets a real look next year. I think Tal was right; CJ is not a major league player.

[Ron Brand]

Boy, that Buck and McCarver autotune commercial never fails to satisfy.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

The shit-apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Fuck I hate auto tune.

[Ron Brand]

It was CJ's third of the night. His defense is poor and he's lost at the plate. I'll be very surprised if he gets a real look next year. I think Tal was right; CJ is not a major league player.

Yeah, he's caught in AAA wonderland. Too bad.

[Ron Brand]

Fuck I hate auto tune.

First it was melisma. Then autotune. What new torture will there be?

[Mr. Happy]

It was CJ's third of the night. His defense is poor and he's lost at the plate. I'll be very surprised if he gets a real look next year. I think Tal was right; CJ is not a major league player.

I agree with Tal. Play Paredes.

[Ron Brand]

Fuck. Two quick singles to lead it off.

[Mr. Happy]

Get the bully up.

[Navin R Johnson]

CJ is a poor mans Chris Truby.

[Ron Brand]

CJ is a poor mans Chris Truby.

Ouch.

[chuck]

I agree with Tal. Play Paredes.

No one asked me but from what I've seen there is no doubt that Paredes is clearly the better option in every regard.

[Mr. Happy]

CJ is a poor mans Chris Truby.

But with less power.

[Ron Brand]

This will not end well.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

No one asked me but from what I've seen there is no doubt that Paredes is clearly the better option in every regard.

Yes, he is.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

This will not end well.

All is not well.

[Mr. Happy]

Mr. Inherited runners oly oly in come free sprints in to the game.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Odds are one of two base runners will score.

[Ron Brand]

It really hurts to hear those fuckers take over your ballpark.

[Mr. Happy]

One more out.

[Ron Brand]

I really thought Craig was going to fuck Lopez up.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

It really hurts to hear those fuckers take over your ballpark.

Thanks Drayton.

[Ron Brand]

Damn they have a lot of decent hitters on that team.

[Bench]

Braves lost.  Red Sox losing, Rays winning.

In the words of Charlie Kelly... "WILDCARD!"

[Mr. Happy]

Alright, Lopez. Big pitch here.

[chuck]

Hell yeah.

[remy]

Fuck yes. Fuck the Jakes.

[Ron Brand]

Damn that was nice.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

They didn't fuck it up... yet.

[Mr. Happy]

Alright! Hamburger for the Turdinals!

[Ron Brand]

You could fit a softball in that blonde's mouth.

[Ron Brand]

Shuck singles to lead off the bottom of the 7th.

[Mr. Happy]

Come on, guys! Let's get some runs!

[Mr. Happy]

Come on, Salas, you fuck!

[Mr. Happy]

Hawks are losing again. It would be awesome if they caught a choking shitburger.

[Ron Brand]

Well, that sucked.

[Ron Brand]

4-2 Astros after seven.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Hawks are losing again. It would be awesome if they caught a choking shitburger.

Hawks?

[Mr. Happy]

Hawks?

Meant Red Sox. Fucking auto-correct on my HP tablet!

[Mr. Happy]

Come on, Fernando! Let's get this puke.

[Matt]

Braves lost.  Red Sox losing, Rays winning.

In the words of Charlie Kelly... "WILDCARD!"

Celebrate with milk steak?

[Ron Brand]

Fucking Pujols singles through the hole.

[Mr. Happy]

Fernando is not sharp tonight.

[Mr. Happy]

Fuck!

[Ron Brand]

Fucking hell. He had Holliday and ended up walking him. Now Berkman is up, ready to be a God Damned Hero. Fuck.

[Mr. Happy]

WW coming in to turn Lance around.

[Ron Brand]

This is like watching a Driver's Ed movie. Nightmare Highway.

[Ron Brand]

Pujols stealing third makes me want to vomit.

[Ron Brand]

Cocksucking motherfuckers.

Blood On The Highway.

[chuck]

Pujols stealing third makes me want to vomit.

No respect earned, no respect deserved. The Astros have far too many guys on the team with no business playing in the major leagues.

[Ron Brand]

Just a fine, fine job there everybody.

[Ron Brand]

Disgusting.

[Matt]

So the bullpen sucks tonight.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

What a god awful year.

[Matt]

I just noticed JR Towles was playing tonight. My God.

[Mr. Happy]

What a god awful year.

Understatement.

[Mr. Happy]

One more out. Let's go, guys!

[Matt]

I hope Crane's first move is to release JR Towles.

[Ron Brand]

Headfirst slide at first = YOU ARE AN IDIOT

[Jose Cruz III]

Don Gullett's friggin eefus pitch is a better throw than JR Towles.

[Lurch]

You don't get 100 losses by chance.

[Ron Brand]

I hope Crane's first move is to release JR Towles.

Shit. He's got at least a dozen moves of equal or better importance. This is a boat with so many holes it needs a new hull.

[chuck]

I just noticed JR Towles was playing tonight. My God.

When Albert Pujols stole third that didn't pique your curiosity?

[Mr. Happy]

I hope Crane's first move is to release JR Towles.

He could release Towels and Corporan and make it a two-fer.

[Ron Brand]

You don't get 100 losses by chance.

That should be the title of the 2011 Astro Yearbook.

[chuck]

Shit. He's got at least a dozen moves of equal or better importance. This is a boat with so many holes it needs a new hull.

Whoever buys this fucked up franchise is going to have a seriously busy first day.

[jbm]

It took a lot more than JR Towles to let fatass steal third.

[Matt]

When Albert Pujols stole third that didn't pique your curiosity?

That's exactly what piqued my curiosity.

[chuck]

It took a lot more than JR Towles to let fatass steal third.

Of course. It's Wright's fault. He's subliminally mind-controlled Towles to double clutch every fucking throw. Outstanding analysis.

[Jose Cruz III]

It took a lot more than JR Towles to let fatass steal third.

Yep.

[Navin R Johnson]

That should be the title of the 2011 Astro Yearbook.

You gotta be a real masochist to buy that book.

[Matt]

Was that Morgan Ensberg batting?

[jbm]

That was on Wright. Pujols had a big jump, and wouldn't even have attempted it with a pitcher who was holding him.  JR sucks, but that was all Wright.

[Ron Brand]

You gotta be a real masochist to buy that book.

Oh come on, wouldn't you want a copy of the 1962 Met Yearbook?

[Mr. Happy]

Of course. It's Wright's fault. He's subliminally mind-controlled Towles to double clutch every fucking throw. Outstanding analysis.

Towels is a fucking disgrace. No arm. No glove. No bat. The trifecta!

[Ron Brand]

That was on Wright. Pujols had a big jump, and wouldn't even have attempted it with a pitcher who was holding him.  JR sucks, but that was all Wright.

I don't think Wright even looked at Pujols.

[Ebby Calvin]

Just wanted to jump in to say Fuck the Jakes, in case someone hadn't said it in the last 10 seconds.  It's deserved.

[Mr. Happy]

I don't think Wright even looked at Pujols.

He didn't.

[jbm]

I just rewatched it to be sure.  Wright turns, holds, the fat motherfucker already had two steps before he started his stride.  Not on Towles at all.  

[Ron Brand]

It's a long, long wave to ride from where this team is to where it needs to be. A long and painful wave.

Diana Nyad gave up after swimming around 80 miles because of the paralyzing jellyfish stings. We're at about mile fifty.

[Matt]

I just rewatched it to be sure.  Wright turns, holds, the fat motherfucker already had two steps before he started his stride.  Not on Towles at all.  

But bashing Towles is fun. Don't take our fun away with this shit.

[Mr. Happy]

Bear down, Melancon!

[roadrunner]

This has been the most exciting game since opening day

[MusicMan]

I just rewatched it to be sure.  Wright turns, holds, the fat motherfucker already had two steps before he started his stride.  Not on Towles at all. 

REally losing sight of the fact that many guys on this roster suck as much as Towles.

[Matt]

The Rangers have a guy named Hamburger pitching tonight.  Oh and fuck The Smirk.

[Mr. Happy]

REally losing sight of the fact that many guys on this roster suck as much as Towles.

See, Michaels, Jason.

[jbm]

REally losing sight of the fact that many guys on this roster suck as much as Towles.

No doubt. Carry on.

[chuck]

But bashing Towles is fun. Don't take our fun away with this shit.

Bashing Towles is fun but easy. Assigning correct blame is noble. After all there is a tremendous amount of suck to go around on this fucking team.

[Matt]

Bashing Towles is fun but easy. Assigning correct blame is noble. After all there is a tremendous amount of suck to go around on this fucking team.

Very true.  Soooo how about them Houston Dynamo? No? Okay.

[Mr. Happy]

Bashing Towles is fun but easy. Assigning correct blame is noble. After all there is a tremendous amount of suck to go around on this fucking team.

Equal opportunity shitty.

[chuck]

REally losing sight of the fact that many guys on this roster suck as much as Towles.

The Astros have far too many guys on the team with no business playing in the major leagues.

[Navin R Johnson]

@brianmctaggart
"Mark Melancon, whose wife is scheduled to be induced into labor in 40 minutes, comes out for the 9th inning."

[Mr. Happy]

Surely, Hillside will pinch hit for Towles if anyone is on base.

[Ron Brand]

My, doesn't Ducky look fine in those socks.

[chuck]

The Astros are going to win.

[Mr. Happy]

CJ is even money for the golden sombrero.

[Jose Cruz III]

@brianmctaggart
"Mark Melancon, whose wife is scheduled to be induced into labor in 40 minutes, comes out for the 9th inning."

Well maybe CJ or Barmes will end this thing so he can go watch the Saint Bernard squeeze through the doggy door.

[Ron Brand]

The Astros are going to win.

Did BudGirl tell you this?

[Mr. Happy]

Come on, Barmesie!

[Jose Cruz III]

The Astros are going to win.

Unless BG says it, then it is a jinx.

[chuck]

Did BudGirl tell you this?

What, you don't follow her on Twitter?

[Ron Brand]

What, you don't follow her on Twitter?

Sheeeit.

[Jose Cruz III]

One way of looking at Towles is that the record holder for most rbi's in a game for the Astros is at the plate.

Another way of looking at him is that he sucks and if he gets a hit it will even suprise him.

[Jose Cruz III]

What, you don't follow her on Twitter?

I follow Fredia on Twitter. Except I can't follow her.

[chuck]

What a fucking idiot. That was over the white of the plate.

[Ron Brand]

Sit down, Rodeo Clown. It was strike three.

[Mr. Happy]

Nice work, Towles!

[Jose Cruz III]

Maybe the ump will do Mills job for him.

[austro]

Sheeeit.

YTIFY.

[Mr. Happy]

Free baseball. We're doomed.

[Jose Cruz III]

Messing with Sasquatch!!!!!!!!!!

[Mr. Happy]

Fucking ugly fuck, Molina. Eat shit.

[chuck]

Sheeeit.

Say, that reminds me. I looked up the other day and I now have Cinemax Latin America on my cable lineup. And at about 11 or so every night they play two episodes of The Wire. The first is a repeat of the second the night before; the second is a new one. We're in the first season and despite having seen it at least three times earlier I am loving it. I love it so much I can happily re-watch an episode I watched just the night before. I don't know whether that means the show merits the attention or if I am borderline autistic. Either way, I certainly hope the Astros win this game within the next hour or so.

[Navin R Johnson]

keithlaw keithlaw
Dotel pitching. Three RHB due up for Houston. Four LH/switch options on the bench. Time to see if Brad Mills is paying attention.

keithlaw keithlaw
Answer: Brad Mills is NOT paying attention. Or he's just a bad manager after all.

keithlaw keithlaw
Yes, Towles, that was a strike, shut your trap and next time take the bat off your shoulder


::Getting my popcorn

[MusicMan]

Spin rate?

This is a thing, now?

[Ron Brand]

The thing about Molina is, he almost ruins a fine CCR song for me. Fucker.

[Mr. Happy]

Fuck Keith Law.

[Ron Brand]

Mr. Happy, you beat me to the punch.

And fuck the shitbirds.

[chuck]

keithlaw keithlaw
Dotel pitching. Three RHB due up for Houston. Four LH/switch options on the bench. Time to see if Brad Mills is paying attention.

keithlaw keithlaw
Answer: Brad Mills is NOT paying attention. Or he's just a bad manager after all.

keithlaw keithlaw
Yes, Towles, that was a strike, shut your trap and next time take the bat off your shoulder


::Getting my popcorn

Corporan, a switch hitter and a catcher, is busy.

[roadrunner]

Say, that reminds me. I looked up the other day and I now have Cinemax Latin America on my cable lineup. And at about 11 or so every night they play two episodes of The Wire. The first is a repeat of the second the night before; the second is a new one. We're in the first season and despite having seen it at least three times earlier I am loving it. I love it so much I can happily re-watch an episode I watched just the night before. I don't know whether that means the show merits the attention or if I am borderline autistic. Either way, I certainly hope the Astros win this game within the next hour or so.

Best show ever.  Just finished season 4.  

[MusicMan]

Fuck Keith Law.

This.  Why the hell is anyone following this assclown on Twitter?

[Mr. Happy]

Molina making this difficult.

[Mr. Happy]

This.  Why the hell is anyone following this assclown on Twitter?

That's what I thought too.

[Navin R Johnson]

Someone retweeted him and I  had to go read his timeline, then chum this thread with his quotes.

[chuck]

A competent left fielder would have caught that as well as Berkman's hit. Fuck, Carlos would have caught them.

[MusicMan]

Good God.  The Marlins traded two minor leaguers for Ozzie Guillen?

[Mr. Happy]

Molina is a fucking moron.

[Jose Cruz III]

I'm not saying I hope Molina hits a screamer into the Turds dugout that hits Pujols in the mouth busting out his teeth and concussing him and one of his gold teeth flies into Berkman's ear piercing his brain causing him to turn into a gay pentecostal preacher who rapes Larussa in his sleep and accidently bites off his penis because he thinks it is a twinkie, but who knows what might happen.

[Ron Brand]

Molina is a fucking moron.

I'd take him over Towles.

[OregonStrosFan]

Molina is a fucking moron.

I kinda liked his 'hustle' there!!!

[Mr. Happy]

Good God.  The Marlins traded two minor leaguers for Ozzie Guillen?

Is that absolutely a done deal?

[Ron Brand]

I'm not saying I hope Molina hits a screamer into the Turds dugout that hits Pujols in the mouth busting out his teeth and concussing him and one of his gold teeth flies into Berkman's ear piercing his brain causing him to turn into a gay pentecostal preacher who rapes Larussa in his sleep and accidently bites off his penis because he thinks it is a twinkie, but who knows what might happen.

I like the way you think.

[Jose Cruz III]

And as Towles throws out a runner at 2nd I say again, who knows what might happen.

[chuck]

Best show ever.  Just finished season 4.  

We've been over this around here quite a bit as I'm sure you know, and I'm sure you know where I stand on this. It is the best television show in history and there is nothing even close. Season five (I've seen that season only once and am sort of saving up to see it again) is I think the weakest for a number of reasons but still completely engrossing.

[Mr. Happy]

I kinda liked his 'hustle' there!!!

Me too. For us. Baserunning 101 says you make sure that the ball clears the mound.

[Ron Brand]

We've been over this around here quite a bit as I'm sure you know, and I'm sure you know where I stand on this. It is the best television show in history and there is nothing even close. Season five (I've seen that season only once and am sort of saving up to see it again) is I think the weakest for a number of reasons but still completely engrossing.

I know this is a fairly common viewpoint, but that's got to be one charming motherfucking pig to be better than The Shield.

[Jose Cruz III]

We've been over this around here quite a bit as I'm sure you know, and I'm sure you know where I stand on this. It is the best television show in history and there is nothing even close. Season five (I've seen that season only once and am sort of saving up to see it again) is I think the weakest for a number of reasons but still completely engrossing.

You talking about Desperate Housewives?

[Mr. Happy]

Bogusevic!

[chuck]

Apparently Mills is paying attention now.

[Ron Brand]

Ladies and Germs, your 2012 right fielder.

[Jose Cruz III]

Mr. Clutch. Bunt Boojwah, Bunt.

[Matt]

Agent Ducky!

[chuck]

You talking about Desperate Housewives?

Jersey Shore, dumbass. Keep up, will you?

[Ron Brand]

LaGenius your way out of this one, fuckhead.

[Jose Cruz III]

E1. Screw you Turd eaters.

[Mr. Happy]

What a dumbass, Dotel!

[Jose Cruz III]

LaRussa wakes up from his drunken stupor to talk to his infielders.

[Ron Brand]

Good Guys win!

[Jose Cruz III]

Dotel: What ya think Coach?

Laruss: try that fake to third thing a couple of times

[Lurch]

That was fun

[chuck]

That was fucking sweet. Fuck you, Jakes.

[Mr. Happy]

Angel Sanchez! Fuck you, Turdinals!

[Jose Cruz III]

Angel Sanchez tears cure cancer and heart disease. But he has never cried.

[Ron Brand]

Fuck the Jakes. Fuck Pooholes. Fuck Berkman. And Fuck Keith Law.

[OregonStrosFan]

AWESOMENESS!!! ASTROS WIN!!! THAT WAS SWEET!!!

[Jose Cruz III]

Fuck the Jakes. Fuck Pooholes. Fuck Berkman. And Fuck Keith Law.

Don't forget Holliday and Larussa

[austro]

Don't forget Holliday and Larussa

And Theriot. And Molina.

[Ron Brand]

Don't forget Holliday and Larussa

I don't hate Holliday. But Fuck LaGenius.

[Jose Cruz III]

Did Towles just give Angel a reach around in the post game celebration?

[Mr. Happy]

Fuck 'em, fuck 'em all!

[Ron Brand]

Did Towles just give Angel a reach around in the post game celebration?

Whatever it takes to stay in the bigs...

[MusicMan]

This is literally the happiest I have been all season.

[Jose Cruz III]

I don't hate Holliday. But Fuck LaGenius.

If they are wearing a Turdinal uni, I hate them with all the hate a man can muster.

[Bench]

Yes.  Fuck them very much.

[Jose Cruz III]

Someone please answer me a question........

Why would anyone mess with Sasquatch?

[Jose Cruz III]

Melancon gets a win and gets a new baby in the same day. Good day for him.

[roadrunner]

Great win

[Ron Brand]

Someone please answer me a question........

Why would anyone mess with Sasquatch?

I would have liked to have been in that ad meeting so I could have killed everyone else in the room.

[chuck]

I don't hate Holliday.

Holliday's contract runs through 2022. In time, you will.

[Jose Cruz III]

The Cowboys are driving late for the win. No way Romo lets that happen.

[Navin R Johnson]

Outside of the Bogusevic grand slam, this was my favorite game of the year so far. 

[Ron Brand]

Holliday's contract runs through 2022. In time, you will.

He doesn't seem all that Jake-y to me, just a damned good hitter playing ball. He may succumb though.

[Jose Cruz III]

This is literally the happiest I have been all season.

+1

[chuck]

The Cowboys are driving late for the win. No way Romo lets that happen.

Kubiak has to be loving this. See?! You CAN win with field goals!

[chuck]

He doesn't seem all that Jake-y to me, just a damned good hitter playing ball. He may succumb though.

You see the uniform he wears. Look, I loved Dotel once upon a time.

[Jose Cruz III]

He doesn't seem all that Jake-y to me, just a damned good hitter playing ball. He may succumb though.

If his uni says Jake-y, then he is all that Jake-y.

[Jose Cruz III]

Dallas leads. No way they win.

[Ron Brand]

If his uni says Jake-y, then he is all that Jake-y.

Hey, I was a Bob Gibson fan. Where is the cutoff?

[chuck]

Dallas leads. No way they win.

80-yard TD pass to Fred Davis.

[chuck]

Hey, I was a Bob Gibson fan. Where is the cutoff?

Bob Gibson.

[Ron Brand]

Downs said it was good to shut up those Cardinal fans.

[Jose Cruz III]

Hey, I was a Bob Gibson fan. Where is the cutoff?

Bob Gibson

[Jose Cruz III]

Man it feels good to know the Turds didn't tie the Braves tonight.

[Ron Brand]

Speaking of Bob Gibson, Denny McLain got popped for outstanding warrants from Louisiana as he was turning around from accidentally driving into Canada last week.

[Jose Cruz III]

Sack and fumble. Cowboys win.

[Mr. Happy]

Speaking of Bob Gibson, Denny McLain got popped for outstanding warrants from Louisiana as he was turning around from accidentally driving into Canada last week.

I saw a fat Denny McLain getting hit around the Texas League in 1972. It was sad.

[Ron Brand]

I saw a fat Denny McLain getting hit around the Texas League in 1972. It was sad.

Yeah. I was a Tiger fan as a kid. My favorite player was Al Kaline, for no particular reason. I loved the 1968 Series. That fall from grace was damn near unprecedented.

[remy]

Good night and fuck the turds.