Rox @ Astros 9/22/11

[Mr. Happy]

1-0 Rox Bottom 2

[Ron Brand]

1-1 top 3.

[Ron Brand]

Rockies first and third, one out, Ferdie Pacheco up.

[Ron Brand]

Fucking hell.

Pitch gets away from Towles, dribbles behind him. Runner on first goes and Towles throws it to center field when he had no chance at the runner. 2-1 Rockies.

[Ron Brand]

Sosa doesn't know where his pitches will go, but it's a safe bet they'll be up.

[Ron Brand]

Or in the dirt and away.

[Ron Brand]

2-1 Rockies, going to the bottom of the third.

[Ron Brand]

...and then my TiVo changed the channel to record Project Runway.

Astros! Make it work!

[the KEG]

Not sure what was worse, the play by Towles or the stat showing baserunners stealing at a tidy 34/38 clip against him this year. One in the same, I suppose.

[Ron Brand]

Not sure what was worse, the play by Towles or the stat showing baserunners stealing at a tidy 34/38 clip against him this year. One in the same, I suppose.

It's not like Q or Corporan have shut that down either. At least Q will pick a few off.

[Ron Brand]

Jesus Christ. Heidi Klum.

[Ron Brand]

Dude in a magenta/lavender whatever sport coat and some kind of dark blue long scarf thing with tiny white polka dots. And eyeliner. I gotta get to the other TV.

[Mr. Happy]

Sosa gets his first big league hit and the camera showed that he clearly missed first base. How can you do that for a first big league hit. I'd have stomped on 1B.

[Ron Brand]

I guess he'll remember this one even more now.

[austro]

Heidi Klum.

Yum.

[Ron Brand]

After Sosa doubled, Altuve and Martinez were plunked and Lee drove them all in with a double. It's 4-2 Good Guys, top of the 4th.

[Ron Brand]

Yum.

Heidi Klum in a short dress is a religious experience.

[Mr. Happy]

El Caballo with a bases clearing double to deep CF puts the Astros on top 4-2. Top 4

[Ron Brand]

What the fuck kind of fucking bullshit mother fuck fielding is going on here? God fucking dammit pick the fucking ball up you fuck!

[Ron Brand]

What the fuck kind of fucking bullshit mother fuck fielding is going on here? God fucking dammit pick the fucking ball up you fuck!

This is why I was not a good Little League teammate.

[Mr. Happy]

Sosa gets out of a corners jam with a 5-4-3. 4-2 Bottom 4

[Mr. Happy]

This is why I was not a good Little League teammate.

I must not have been either, because I melted down once while pitching where my younger brother, who could have given less than a shit about baseball, made two errors in the same inning. I dog shit all over him. The coach had to come out to calm me down.

[Ron Brand]

This has been a tough year. Lots of bad shit going on, fortunately not too much directly involving my family, but stress aplenty in the wake of bad shit going on with others.

I have a 15 year old cat. When I'm home, she is never more than three feet away from me. Ever. I like that wide-eyed look of unconditional love from my ankles, with those pointy ears framing those eyes.

Sadly, she is trying to leave us. I don't know how much she knows, but she knows something bad is going on. She sleeps jammed up against me, as close as she can get, taking what she can from the last days she has with me.

Dammit. Motherfucking dammit all to hell.

[Mr. Happy]

This has been a tough year. Lots of bad shit going on, fortunately not too much directly involving my family, but stress aplenty in the wake of bad shit going on with others.

I have a 15 year old cat. When I'm home, she is never more than three feet away from me. Ever. I like that wide-eyed look of unconditional love from my ankles, with those pointy ears framing those eyes.

Sadly, she is trying to leave us. I don't know how much she knows, but she knows something bad is going on. She sleeps jammed up against me, as close as she can get, taking what she can from the last days she has with me.

Dammit. Motherfucking dammit all to hell.

Sorry to hear that, RB. I once had to put one of my dogs down on Christmas night. I was apoplectic and inconsolable. I also used that excuse to get absolutely hammered. 

[Ron Brand]

I don't know who that was in that Mac Haik commercial, but it looked like one of the Ice Road Truckers in a dress, and I don't mean the blonde.

[austro]

Heidi Klum in a short dress is a religious experience.

Heidi Klum in damn near any dress is a pretty nice experience.

[Ron Brand]

I really don't know how this is a 4-2 ballgame. Sosa's given up seven hits, White has sucked rocks, the fielding has been awful...

[Ron Brand]

Yes, the Coors Bar Exam is profoundly stupid, but I am so glad to be rid of those ulcers we had to endure over the rest of the season.

[Ron Brand]

Heidi Klum in damn near any dress is a pretty nice experience.

I actually do like Tim Gunn, but wow do you have to put up with a lot of crap for a few glimpses of Heidi on that show.

[Ron Brand]

Is Jordan Schafer our lefty Bob Dernier, or is his ceiling higher than that?

[Ron Brand]

ALTUVE GETS A HIT!

[Ron Brand]

Tulowitzki is a hell of a shortstop.

[Mr. Happy]

Tulowitzki is a hell of a shortstop.

That's what I was thinking.

[Ron Brand]

Ok, that was really cool.

B&W footage of Jimmy Wynn hitting a home run out of Crosley Field and onto the freeway behind the stadium, bouncing down the road.

[Mr. Happy]

Ok, that was really cool.

B&W footage of Jimmy Wynn hitting a home run out of Crosley Field and onto the freeway behind the stadium, bouncing down the road.

That was awesome footage.

[Ron Brand]

Carlos drives in Schafer with a fly to shallow center. The throw was pretty much on target and would've beaten the runner to the plate but it hit the mound and shanked high in the air. It still got to the plate right about the same time as Schafer did.

[Ron Brand]

That was awesome footage.

I hope all that stuff they've been showing tonight will be on the 50th Anniversary DVD.

[Mr. Happy]

I hope all that stuff they've been showing tonight will be on the 50th Anniversary DVD.

That'll make it worth owning. I really want them to start selling the shooting star jerseys. I'll so be all over that.

[austro]

I really don't know how this is a 4-2 ballgame. Sosa's given up seven hits, White has sucked rocks, the fielding has been awful...

Isn't that strange? It seems like every other Rockie hits a ball out into the LCF gap. It's hard to understand how they haven't scored more.

[Ron Brand]

Isn't that strange? It seems like every other Rockie hits a ball out into the LCF gap. It's hard to understand how they haven't scored more.

Paralyzed by Slapdickery.

[Mr. Happy]

Sosa is getting by without a much needed changeup.

[chuck]

This is why I was not a good Little League teammate.

When I was a kid I was a catcher. My mother suggested that I not stand in front of the plate with my hands on my hips with a disgusted expression on my face while my teammates were slapdicking around in the field. Bad for morale, she pointed out.

[chuck]

Sadly, she is trying to leave us. I don't know how much she knows, but she knows something bad is going on. She sleeps jammed up against me, as close as she can get, taking what she can from the last days she has with me.

That poor girl. They do know. I don't know exactly what they know, but they know. I'm glad for your 15 years.

[Ron Brand]

When I was a kid I was a catcher. My mother suggested that I not stand in front of the plate with my hands on my hips with a disgusted expression on my face while my teammates were slapdicking around in the field. Bad for morale, she pointed out.

I'd yell at my teammates, call them names, etc. I thought I was 'motivating' them to my obviously golden level of performance. I was a pitcher and third baseman and big for my age. The parents would scream at me all game long. They'd ask for my birth certificate too, which got kind of old. If I knew who their kid was I'd throw at him, because I could throw hard and I sure as hell was intimidating.

I was a gold-plated asshole.

[Ron Brand]

That poor girl. They do know. I don't know exactly what they know, but they know. I'm glad for your 15 years.

Thank you.

[chuck]

I'd yell at my teammates, call them names, etc. I thought I was 'motivating' them to my obviously golden level of performance. I was a pitcher and third baseman and big for my age. The parents would scream at me all game long. They'd ask for my birth certificate too, which got kind of old. If I knew who their kid was I'd throw at him, because I could throw hard and I sure as hell was intimidating.

I was a gold-plated asshole.

Fuck you, lady, I was born in Kenya.

[Ron Brand]

There was another player in one league I was in who was my size, this was sometime in high school. He came barreling in to third and I had the ball, waiting to tag him. He ran right into me instead of sliding and tried to knock the ball out of my glove. I got up and fired the ball right into his chest and we started rolling around on the field. Everybody went nuts. Fun.

[OregonStrosFan]

I was a gold-plated asshole.

 I had to certify as much about myself to join in OrangeWhoopass SnS myself.  The powers that be seemed to consider it a prerequisite for membership... 

And sorry to hear about the cat mi amigo! That's rough. 

[Ron Brand]

Fuck you, lady, I was born in Kenya.

That would've been great.

Of course, I was reading Ball Four at the time and learning all this cool stuff like how throwing behind the hitter's head means you're serious. So if I knew who the kid's mother was if she was yelling at me, in that classy Little League Parent way, I'd throw behind their head. Most kids would start to bail and then drop instead, but one kid backed right into a fastball. I felt like I'd won.

[Mr. Happy]

There was another player in one league I was in who was my size, this was sometime in high school. He came barreling in to third and I had the ball, waiting to tag him. He ran right into me instead of sliding and tried to knock the ball out of my glove. I got up and fired the ball right into his chest and we started rolling around on the field. Everybody went nuts. Fun.

That sounds wonderful.

[OregonStrosFan]

Actually, I take that back.  Once I checked the 'are you now, or have you ever been a lawyer' box, the 'gold-plated asshole' box was automatically checked.

[Mr. Happy]

I hope that FeRod can learn to get that curveball down. Runners on the corners with one out. One run in. 5-3

[Ron Brand]

And sorry to hear about the cat mi amigo! That's rough. 

Thanks. Yeah, it's pretty hard.

About five years ago she was really looking bad, unkempt fur, losing lots of weight, sluggish, etc. Took her to the vet and they told us she had diabetes, which I'd never heard of in a cat. We had to give her insulin injections twice a day, but they never could get the dosage right - it was always too much, no matter how little we gave her.

We were freaking out. She was not doing well at all and nothing we did seemed to work. I talked to a lot of people and someone told me about a vet they knew who had worked with their cat and changed their diet. We didn't talk to him but did some investigating and changed her food to a different brand, not that Hill's Science Diet variant bullshit they sell you at the vet. Cured her diabetes instantly, and she's been great ever since. Saved her life.

[chuck]

There was another player in one league I was in who was my size, this was sometime in high school. He came barreling in to third and I had the ball, waiting to tag him. He ran right into me instead of sliding and tried to knock the ball out of my glove. I got up and fired the ball right into his chest and we started rolling around on the field. Everybody went nuts. Fun.

I played on this senior league team, a Little League division but with kids who were 16, 17 and 18. Most of the guys on the team were high school players who'd completed their senior year and were going to some college program or another and wanted a low stress league to keep in shape. There were a handful of fuckups who couldn't play high school baseball for one reason or another (usually several) and then there was me. Anyway, these idiots got into fights all the time. There were several fields that simply would not allow us to play there. I thought it was fun, at first. I remember being at the end of the bench one day fucking with my catcher's gear while we were at bat. I didn't see the play at the plate where my teammate Jeff (who not long thereafter got drunk and got on a motorcycle with sadly predictable results) came home aggressively and ended up punching the catcher in the face but I did hear some of my teammates shouting Let's fuck 'em up! Let's fuck 'em up!

I thought, Cool! you know, like any normal 17 year old idiot. Then hurrying out of the dugout I saw the fellow in front of me, Dee was his name, grab a bat. It was weird. My survival instinct kicked in and I realized that I should probably not get in the middle of this melee. So I didn't.

What was unusual is that most of our players were, at that point in the game, anyway, sober. I'd hate to think what it might have been like after a couple of more innings and plenty more trips to the Port-O Cans.

[Ron Brand]

Nice play by CJ to get Rosario at the plate!

[OregonStrosFan]

We didn't talk to him but did some investigating and changed her food to a different brand, not that Hill's Science Diet variant bullshit they sell you at the vet. Cured her diabetes instantly, and she's been great ever since. Saved her life.

that's pretty amazing!

[Mr. Happy]

Come on Rodriguez. Finish your pitches for crying out loud.

[austro]

Nice play by CJ to get Rosario at the plate!

I didn't much care for the way he delivered the throw (some sort of weird-ass side-arm whip), and for a moment I was afraid that he had pulled The Rodeo Clown too far away from the plate.

[Ron Brand]

I played on this senior league team, a Little League division but with kids who were 16, 17 and 18. Most of the guys on the team were high school players who'd completed their senior year and were going to some college program or another and wanted a low stress league to keep in shape. There were a handful of fuckups who couldn't play high school baseball for one reason or another (usually several) and then there was me. Anyway, these idiots got into fights all the time. There were several fields that simply would not allow us to play there. I thought it was fun, at first. I remember being at the end of the bench one day fucking with my catcher's gear while we were at bat. I didn't see the play at the plate where my teammate Jeff (who not long thereafter got drunk and got on a motorcycle with sadly predictable results) came home aggressively and ended up punching the catcher in the face but I did hear some of my teammates shouting Let's fuck 'em up! Let's fuck 'em up!

I thought, Cool! you know, like any normal 17 year old idiot. Then hurrying out of the dugout I saw the fellow in front of me, Dee was his name, grab a bat. It was weird. My survival instinct kicked in and I realized that I should probably not get in the middle of this melee. So I didn't.

What was unusual is that most of our players were, at that point in the game, anyway, sober. I'd hate to think what it might have been like after a couple of more innings and plenty more trips to the Port-O Cans.

That sounds like my kind of team. My dad wouldn't have appreciated it though, and he came to all my games. One of the worst times in my life was one game where I got tossed for barking at the ump. My dad took me about three parking lots away and was so pissed off he was shaking. I was sure that he was going to hit me, he was so mad. I never saw him that mad at any other time in his life. Somehow he found the control to talk to me and tell me why I was such an idiot and explain to me what I had done and how I had let everyone on my team and my coach down. He wouldn't have approved of me taking a bat to another player unless they had taken one out to come at me first.

[Ron Brand]

I didn't much care for the way he delivered the throw (some sort of weird-ass side-arm whip), and for a moment I was afraid that he had pulled The Rodeo Clown too far away from the plate.

I think he was surprised to find that he had a play at the plate and decided to go for it. It did look awkward.

[Mr. Happy]

That sounds like my kind of team. My dad wouldn't have appreciated it though, and he came to all my games. One of the worst times in my life was one game where I got tossed for barking at the ump. My dad took me about three parking lots away and was so pissed off he was shaking. I was sure that he was going to hit me, he was so mad. I never saw him that mad at any other time in his life. Somehow he found the control to talk to me and tell me why I was such an idiot and explain to me what I had done and how I had let everyone on my team and my coach down. He wouldn't have approved of me taking a bat to another player unless they had taken one out to come at me first.

My dad and I once got tossed from the same game. It was the first of many ejections in my career.

[Ron Brand]

My dad and I once got tossed from the same game. It was the first of many ejections in my career.

Well, if you both were tossed then it probably means you were right.

I was a mouthy bastard (not much has changed, really) and one ump in particular would run me if I looked sideways at him. The time my dad got pissed though was in an All-Star game, the game was tied, and the coach had pulled his own son for me to bat. Of course, the ump was the same jerk who hated me.

[Ron Brand]

Altuve, turning the corner.

[Ron Brand]

Nuts. I was hoping Martinez would pick up the runners but it's tough to hit the ball by Tulowitzki.

[Bench]

Well, if you both were tossed then it probably means you were right.

I was a mouthy bastard (not much has changed, really) and one ump in particular would run me if I looked sideways at him. The time my dad got pissed though was in an All-Star game, the game was tied, and the coach had pulled his own son for me to bat. Of course, the ump was the same jerk who hated me.

When I was a little league ump some poor kid's drunk uncle started heckling me (fine) but then turned his attention to the kids on the other team.  After a couple innings of loud cursing, I ejected him from the facilities.  Not taking kindly to being told where to be by a pimply high school kid, he asked me to come over and make him leave.

His poor nephew was crying, he was so mortified.  I told the coach that if he couldn't get his "fan" to leave, he'd be ejected also.  And then the coach's son.  And then so on and so forth until they had no more players and had to forfeit.  The only kid I wouldn't eject was the nephew.  He looked like he'd been dealing with getting left out of things because his family for long enough.

The coach was one of the more civilized ones (some were not) and agreed.  He called together all his team and they marched over to the backstop and he told the asshole that they wouldn't play while he was still there.  He sobered up enough to realize what a jackass was being, and said he'd wait in the car for his nephew after the game.  I didn't even have to ask the coach to be sure to drive them both home. 

But, yeah, I can envision a situation where both son and father get ejected.

[Ron Brand]

Matt Downs, making them pay!

[Ron Brand]

Bases-clearing double by Downs makes it 8-3 in the bottom of the seventh.

[Bench]

By the way, with the Twins' win tonight I believe the Astros clinched the #1 pick.

WE CAN WIN OUT WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE FROM HERE ON, BOYS!!!

[austro]

Matt Downs, making them pay!

Ok, let's try this again:

You can't throw that weak-ass shit past Matt Downs, bitch!

[chuck]

By the way, with the Twins' win tonight I believe the Astros clinched the #1 pick.

WE CAN WIN OUT WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE FROM HERE ON, BOYS!!!

If you're the fastest man in the draft, son, you're an Astro.

I can't say much for the baseball organization but Ed and Bobby are putting together one hell of a 400 meter relay.

[Bench]

By the way, with the Twins' win tonight I believe the Astros clinched the #1 pick.

WE CAN WIN OUT WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE FROM HERE ON, BOYS!!!

Looking at the standings, the Twins seem to be seven games up with seven to do.  I'm not sure about tie breakers.

Amazingly (sarc) the Twins have a worse pythagorean record than the Astros.  THAT'S WHAT PITCHING AND DEFENSE DO FOR US!!!!

[Mr. Happy]

If you're the fastest man in the draft, son, you're an Astro.

I can't say much for the baseball organization but Ed and Bobby are putting together one hell of a 400 meter relay.

Well, at least we have that going for us. I hope that they certainly improve over the recent drafts at the one position.

[Ron Brand]

Ok, let's try this again:

You can't throw that weak-ass shit past Matt Downs, bitch!

15 RBIs as a pinch hitter.

[Mr. Happy]

Rodeo Clown leads the league in mound meetings. I would tell him to get his scruffy-ass back to the dish.

[Ron Brand]

One mound meeting too many. 8-6 after that jack.

[Mr. Happy]

One mound meeting too many. 8-6 after that jack.

Shitfuck. I wonder what the ERA is with Rodeo Clown behind the dish.

[Mr. Happy]

Oh no, not Lopez. At least no one is on base.

[Ron Brand]

Shitfuck. I wonder what the ERA is with Rodeo Clown behind the dish.

4.47, 4.90 total runs.

[Bench]

15 RBIs as a pinch hitter.

That's an Astros record for a RH PH and he's leading the majors in pinched ribs.

[Ron Brand]

That's an Astros record for a RH PH and he's leading the majors in pinched ribs.

Raise your hand if you knew Orlando Merced had the team record for PH RBI.

[Ron Brand]

Mr. Young has been a pesky adversary this evening.

[Mr. Happy]

4.47, 4.90 total runs.

And where did you find that gem?

[Ron Brand]

Whew, nice on-the-run catch by Shuck to end the top of the 8th.

[Ron Brand]

And where did you find that gem?

Baseball Reference, under the Advanced Fielding stats.

[Mr. Happy]

Whew, nice on-the-run catch by Shuck to end the top of the 8th.

Lopez just isn't sharp this year. He certainly wan't fooling them tonight.

[Ron Brand]

Lopez just isn't sharp this year. He certainly wan't fooling them tonight.

His second half has been much, much worse than his first. I wonder if he's just never really come back from his injury yet.

[Mr. Happy]

His second half has been much, much worse than his first. I wonder if he's just never really come back from his injury yet.

He's really been worse than his stats, especially when you consider his inherited runners to runners scored stat, although I don't know where to find it.

[Ron Brand]

If the Rockies played like this at home they'd light the city on fire. Embarrassing.

[Mr. Happy]

If the Rockies played like this at home they'd light the city on fire. Embarrassing.

They've sure stunk tonight.

[Ron Brand]

He's really been worse than his stats, especially when you consider his inherited runners to runners scored stat, although I don't know where to find it.

I don't know what the league average is to put it up against, but most everything you'd want is here.

[Ron Brand]

9-6 Houston, end of 8.

[Ron Brand]

I hope Moneyball doesn't suck. I'd like to see a good baseball movie.

[Mr. Happy]

I hope Moneyball doesn't suck. I'd like to see a good baseball movie.

I hope so too.

[Ron Brand]

Good Guys win!

[Mr. Happy]

9-6 FINAL And fuck you, Alkie!

[Bench]

Raise your hand if you knew Orlando Merced had the team record for PH RBI.

The man was a sublime pinch hitter.

[OregonStrosFan]

A 'W' from the good Guys!!!

9-6 FINAL And fuck you, Alkie!

Is this just a general FU to Alkie, as such things are always apropos, or is there something specific as of late that I've not gotten around to reading yet?

[remy]

I hope Moneyball doesn't suck. I'd like to see a good baseball movie.

Looking good on reviews so far... I just can't get over the choice of Philip Seymour Hoffman to play Art Howe!

[JimR]

That'll make it worth owning. I really want them to start selling the shooting star jerseys. I'll so be all over that.

i have a real one from one of the years i helped with the tryout camp in the Dome.

ETA: i have the complete uniform. they let me keep it after the camp ended. i pitched BP wearing it. poor deluded kids trying out thought i was somebody.

[Ron Brand]

i have a real one from one of the years i helped with the tryout camp in the Dome.

ETA: i have the complete uniform. they let me keep it after the camp ended. i pitched BP wearing it. poor deluded kids trying out thought i was somebody.

That's really cool that you have that uni.

How many autographs did you sign?

[Andyzipp]

i have a real one from one of the years i helped with the tryout camp in the Dome.

ETA: i have the complete uniform. they let me keep it after the camp ended. i pitched BP wearing it. poor deluded kids trying out thought i was somebody.

More importantly, did you face anyone we'd have heard of?

[Mr. Happy]

A 'W' from the good Guys!!!

Is this just a general FU to Alkie, as such things are always apropos, or is there something specific as of late that I've not gotten around to reading yet?

See the GZ from 9/21. Best gamezone ever. Indeed.

[JimR]

More importantly, did you face anyone we'd have heard of?

doubtful.

[Lurch]

I hope Moneyball doesn't suck. I'd like to see a good baseball movie.

94% on Rotten Tomatoes

[subnuclear]

94% on Rotten Tomatoes

Its pretty good as a movie, but, much like the book, avoids the topics of the excellent starting pitchers and possible steroid issues.

[austro]

Its pretty good as a movie, but, much like the book, avoids the topics of the excellent starting pitchers and possible steroid issues.

Saw it last night. I think you see Hudson's name pop up on a scoreboard once, and that's the only mention of starting pitching. But taken on its own terms, it's a very enjoyable movie.