Chuck, cancel the Ron Abuelo
Man, you're not kidding. That's about as bad a drink as I have ever heard of, second only to Maker's Mark and Dr Pepper.
Fortunately, Ron Abuelo is as cheap as water here. You can get a fifth for $6 or so. You can sit around drinking rum and diet root beer all week long for $6.
You can very, very occasionally find it at Spec's.