tired Texans cliches

[roadrunner]

"Biggest game in franchise history"

"Make or break year"

"Make or break game"

"...get over the hump"


I'm cautiously optimistic today.  The Colts are the best (or 2nd best) team in football, so a loss is fine and should be expected, but I couldn't imagine how pumped the fanbase and the city would be with a W. 

[Rebel Jew]

"Biggest game in franchise history"

"Make or break year"

"Make or break game"

"...get over the hump"


I'm cautiously optimistic today.  The Colts are the best (or 2nd best) team in football, so a loss is fine and should be expected, but I couldn't imagine how pumped the fanbase and the city would be with a W. 

Those may be cliches by now (especially the "biggest game" one), but all are true.  Texans are supposedly a playoff team and are playing at home-- by those measures they should be able to beat anybody today, including the fetusheads.

[roadrunner]

Oh I hear you.  I just know how easy it is to get the air deflated with this team. 

The good news is that the Colts line is apparently really banged up.  The bad news is that it doesn't matter because Peyton Manning is their QB.

[Rebel Jew]

Oh I hear you.  I just know how easy it is to get the air deflated with this team.  

The good news is that the Colts line is apparently really banged up.  The bad news is that it doesn't matter because Peyton Manning is their QB.

for what it's worth, i predict a W.  for what's it's also worth, i'm a loyalist idiot who keeps going back to watch horseteeth nancy-kerrigan-teeth kubiak & the boyz year after year.  27-24

[roadrunner]

for what it's worth, i predict a W.  for what's it's also worth, i'm a loyalist idiot who keeps going back to watch horseteeth kubiak & the boyz year after year.  27-24

Yeah I only predict games in bunches with these guys.  Like we'll probably beat 1 of the Colts/Cowboys and probably lose 1 of the Redskins/Raiders, so 2-2 after 4 games is what I see.  Either way, I wear my jersey every Sunday like an idiot who expects victory.

[hostros7]

for what it's worth, i predict a W.  for what's it's also worth, i'm a loyalist idiot who keeps going back to watch horseteeth nancy-kerrigan-teeth kubiak & the boyz year after year.  27-24

What's the early game football watching scene like on the west coast? 

[Rebel Jew]

What's the early game football watching scene like on the west coast? 

sleepy.  lots of eagles and patriots fans.  i'm headed out right now to partake-- me & my houston friend are the only texans fans i've ever seen aside from a vietnamese med student we saw one time.

[Lurch]

Texans are playing some damn fine football today!  Mario is on fire

[hostros7]

17-0.  Barwin's injury is a damn shame. Texans need a long drive to close out the half here.

[Lurch]

17-0.  Barwin's injury is a damn shame. Texans need a long drive to close out the half here.

13-0, actually.  Could be 17 or 21, but Shaub a bit off target early.

The real story has to be both lines.  Each are winning their battles

[hostros7]

13-0, actually.  Could be 17 or 21, but Shaub a bit off target early.

The real story has to be both lines.  Each are winning their battles

My point was that they were up 17-0 last year at home vs. the colts, so 13-0 is nothing to celebrate.  As you can see, this game ain't over.

[Ron Brand]

What the hell is going on with you people? There's a baseball game going on!

[MikeyBoy]

Garcon is abusing Jackson. And Barwin's injury was nasty.

[HudsonHawk]

Garcon is abusing Jackson. And Barwin's injury was nasty.

If Garcon could catch, it'd be really ugly.

[hostros7]

Has Slaton returned kicks before in the NFL?  Is Jacoby injured?

[MikeyBoy]

Has Slaton returned kicks before in the NFL?  Is Jacoby injured?

He did in the preseason.

[Lurch]

What a fantastic drive by the Texans.  Beautiful

[hostros7]

I can't believe the Texans might have a running game.

[Lurch]

Holy shit that was awesome

[Andyzipp]

Here they go again...

[Lurch]

What a game!  Wish I was in Reliant today

[Lurch]

No pesky undefeated season talk for the Colts this year...

[hostros7]

If their O-line and run defense don't improve, this win won't look that impressive by the end of the season.

[roadrunner]

GUYS

[MusicMan]

If their O-line and run defense don't improve, this win won't look that impressive by the end of the season.

They just cockslapped the AFC champs. That's always impressive.

[roadrunner]

I honestly can't take any criticism of this game seriously.  This was awesome. 

Can't wait for next week.

[Rebel Jew]

Dear Arian Foster,

Please don't get injured.  Please.


Dear God,

Please don't let Arian Foster get injured.  Please.

[BizidyDizidy]

I think the line and leach were a big part of it (even though foster was obviously very impressive).

[Lurch]

I think the line and leach were a big part of it (even though foster was obviously very impressive).

This.  In just about every Foster replay you could see the line making a big push and Leach blowing guys up.

[hostros7]

They just cockslapped the AFC champs. That's always impressive.

Don't get me wrong; I'm definitely impressed.  This team looked sufficient on D with no Cushing and had a great running game.  If that holds up even a bit, I expect them to be playoff contenders given the stout passing game.  Just looks like Peyton has more to overcome than normal.  He had a record day and lost.  Not a typical Colts team.

[Rebel Jew]

Don't get me wrong; I'm definitely impressed.  This team looked sufficient on D with no Cushing and had a great running game.  If that holds up even a bit, I expect them to be playoff contenders given the stout passing game.  Just looks like Peyton has more to overcome than normal.  He had a record day and lost.  Not a typical Colts team.

It seems to me that The Colts are turning more and more into a one-man-team the more I see them.  They have zero running game, and often look terrible on first and second down.  Freeney is still the only threat on defense, aside from the system itself.  I don't think this is the last time Peyton has to throw 60 passes in a game, win or lose.

[Gizzmonic]

And did you see Kubiak talk the officials into calling a penalty on Paid Spokesperson?  Maybe he's figuring out this head coaching thing after all.

[HudsonHawk]

And did you see Kubiak talk the officials into calling a penalty on Paid Spokesperson?  Maybe he's figuring out this head coaching thing after all.

An official calling an obvious delay of game penalty takes little skill on the part of the opposing coach.  But, Kubiak only managed to step on his dick a half dozen times and waste two timeouts yesterday, so he may be improving.  This team may have enough sheer talent to win in spite of him.

[moriartp]

I rarely opine on football, as I am completely devoid of true understanding of the game, but this comment on Fark did amuse me:

HaywoodJablonski: Hopefully the Texans can vault up the rankings with their win over the ESPN Analysts' Poll preseason #1, the Colts. I think the Saints will remain ahead of therm thanks to also beating a highly ranked team - plus they benefit from a generous preseason ranking of their own.

All in all, the Texans need to win - despite a tough schedule - to get enough votes to qualify for the Super Bowl

[Lurch]

An official calling an obvious delay of game penalty takes little skill on the part of the opposing coach.  But, Kubiak only managed to step on his dick a half dozen times and waste two timeouts yesterday, so he may be improving.  This team may have enough sheer talent to win in spite of him.

Oh, good.  I was afraid you weren't going to weigh in.

[HudsonHawk]

Oh, good.  I was afraid you weren't going to weigh in.

You knew better than that.  It was a fun game to attend, despite being brutally hot in the parking lot.  I think seeing Vonta Leach knock every Colt he saw on their ass was the best part.

[Astroholic]

I rarely opine on football, as I am completely devoid of true understanding of the game, but this comment on Fark did amuse me:

HaywoodJablonski: Hopefully the Texans can vault up the rankings with their win over the ESPN Analysts' Poll preseason #1, the Colts. I think the Saints will remain ahead of therm thanks to also beating a highly ranked team - plus they benefit from a generous preseason ranking of their own.

All in all, the Texans need to win - despite a tough schedule - to get enough votes to qualify for the Super Bowl

Rankings in the NFL?     BBBBWWWWWHHHHHAAAAA!

[hostros7]

You knew better than that.  It was a fun game to attend, despite being brutally hot in the parking lot.  I think seeing Vonta Leach knock every Colt he saw on their ass was the best part.

Same goes for Bernard Pollard.  

[Andyzipp]

An official calling an obvious delay of game penalty takes little skill on the part of the opposing coach.  But, Kubiak only managed to step on his dick a half dozen times and waste two timeouts yesterday, so he may be improving.  This team may have enough sheer talent to win in spite of him.

It's awesome that you've already built in your arguments for what could be a promising season.  Kubiak is an idiot, so if they lose, it's on him and if they win, it's in spite of him.

Because there's no way he could get better at his job over the course of 5 seasons.

[MusicMan]

You knew better than that.  It was a fun game to attend, despite being brutally hot in the parking lot.  I think seeing Vonta Leach knock every Colt he saw on their ass was the best part.

Dierdorff was practically dry-humping Leach from the broadcast booth.

[HudsonHawk]

It's awesome that you've already built in your arguments for what could be a promising season.  Kubiak is an idiot, so if they lose, it's on him and if they win, it's in spite of him.

Because there's no way he could get better at his job over the course of 5 seasons.

I've already given credit to Kubiak for drastically reducing his dick stepping yesterday.  Did you bother to read my post at all, or were you just hell bent on typing your little quip, irrespective of what I said?

[HudsonHawk]

Dierdorff was practically dry-humping Leach from the broadcast booth.

I didn't hear Dierdorff, and he's certainly a doofus at times.  But Leach was cracking skulls yesterday. 

[MusicMan]

I've already given credit to Kubiak for drastically reducing his dick stepping yesterday. 

"Only stepped on his dick half a dozen times" is typically classified as "damning with faint praise".

[HudsonHawk]

"Only stepped on his dick half a dozen times" is typically classified as "damning with faint praise".

Anyone who's watched the Texans the last four years knows that's a drastic improvement for Kubiak.

[Lurch]

But Leach was cracking skulls yesterday. 

On this, we can all agree.  That was an impressive showing. I don't think the Colts wanted anything to do with him by the end of the game.

[Astroholic]

On this, we can all agree.  That was an impressive showing. I don't think the Colts wanted anything to do with him by the end of the game.

There was alot of skull cracking going on.  Defense was intimidating.

[austro]

Defense was intimidating.

The defense was also fortunate that Garcon took a while to remember how to catch.

[matadorph]

What a huge fucking win. I had work commitments that I had no way of wriggling out of, so I was unable to watch the game live yesterday. I'm watching it now and goddamn, Mario and Pollard are just beasting.

I absolutely abused my opponents in both my fantasy leagues. I took Foster as my RB1 in both and caught some shit for it, but I knew what a stud he could be this season. They aren't laughing now at my "homer pick."

[MusicMan]

What a huge fucking win. I had work commitments that I had no way of wriggling out of, so I was unable to watch the game live yesterday. I'm watching it now and goddamn, Mario and Pollard are just beasting.

I absolutely abused my opponents in both my fantasy leagues. I took Foster as my RB1 in both and caught some shit for it, but I knew what a stud he could be this season. They aren't laughing now at my "homer pick."

My first round pick was Andre Johnson and I faced Foster.  I took quite the beating.

[Astroholic]

The defense was also fortunate that Garcon took a while to remember how to catch.

Bullshit.  He was physically seperated from the ball a few times.  Payton did not have time to set his feet.  He still had over 400 yards passing, and Pollard can't cover for shit..but man he can bring it.

[HudsonHawk]

Bullshit.  He was physically seperated from the ball a few times. 

He also dropped three or four passes, at least one of which should have been a touchdown.  He ran circles around Jackson, but luckily he never made Jackson pay too much.  That's going to be a real concern going forward.

[matadorph]

Manning also threw the football 60 times and padded his stats with a garbage TD to Collie. The defense that I've seen so far has been authoritative and punishing. Great pressure from the Dline.

[HudsonHawk]

My first round pick was Andre Johnson and I faced Foster.  I took quite the beating.

My opponent also had Foster, and ended with like 80 points, 42 of which came from Foster.  I've still got two guys going tonight, so we'll see how I end up.

[jbm]

Manning also threw the football 60 times and padded his stats with a garbage TD to Collie. The defense that I've seen so far has been authoritative and punishing. Great pressure from the Dline.

Okoye was disruptive. If he keeps that up, the defense might reach that next level.

Jackson might have been burned a lot, but he also made some big plays. The coverage on 3rd down at the end of the half was exceptional and kept the Colts to a field goal. Big play at a critical point.

[Limey]

"Only stepped on his dick half a dozen times" is typically classified as "damning with faint praise".

You have it all wrong.  HH is in awe of the size of Kubiak's dick.

[Rebel Jew]

Manning also threw the football 60 times and padded his stats with a garbage TD to Collie. The defense that I've seen so far has been authoritative and punishing. Great pressure from the Dline.

The gameplan against Manning & the Colts is obvious-- force them into long, time-consuming drives even if it means giving up lots of wide open short passes.  As I said before, this is definitely not the last time this year Manning is going to throw 50-60 passes in a game, especially with their terrible running game and often ridiculous first and second down playcalling.  Watching the Colts, you can't help but  think that they would be 0-16 without Manning.  Obviously every team would struggle without their pro bowl quarterback, but that team is so overwhelmingly dependent upon Manning's ability to read defenses, get rid of the ball before the blitz etc, that they would have to completely start over from scratch if he were to go out.

[Limey]

The gameplan against Manning & the Colts is obvious-- force them into long, time-consuming drives even if it means giving up lots of wide open short passes.  As I said before, this is definitely not the last time this year Manning is going to throw 50-60 passes in a game, especially with their terrible running game and often ridiculous first and second down playcalling.  Watching the Colts, you can't help but  think that they would be 0-16 without Manning.  Obviously every team would struggle without their pro bowl quarterback, but that team is so overwhelmingly dependent upon Manning's ability to read defenses, get rid of the ball before the blitz etc, that they would have to completely start over from scratch if he were to go out.

I don't recall a single time that Manning checked off and reset the play at the line, and then that play getting busted.  Every one was a 6/7 yard gain.  Incredible.

[Lurch]

I don't recall a single time that Manning checked off and reset the play at the line, and then that play getting busted.  Every one was a 6/7 yard gain.  Incredible.

Thus the fans booing every time he'd back off to call an audible, and the announcers calling out and laughing at said fans.

[Rebel Jew]

I don't recall a single time that Manning checked off and reset the play at the line, and then that play getting busted.  Every one was a 6/7 yard gain.  Incredible.

exactly.  they have no real substantial playbook, just the same few formations, same personnel, but with Manning calling variations based on what he sees the defense about to do.  when they do call plays, they can call some pretty ridiculous-looking stuff like those weird misdirection draws where dallas clark has to stay in and block mario williams.  if manning were to get injured they'd look like a high school team, even if they had a competent backup qb.  this would not be the patriots losing brady and then winning 9 games instead of 13 or whatever-- the colts would have no idea what to do and would have to completely reinvent their offense.

[HudsonHawk]

Thus the fans booing every time he'd back off to call an audible, and the announcers calling out and laughing at said fans.

I don't recall any booing when he did that.  Fans got loud when he did, yeah, but not booing.

[Limey]

I don't recall any booing when he did that.  Fans got loud when he did, yeah, but not booing.

Correct.  I was there.  It was just noise-making.

Also, I think "we" caused the two delays of game penalties (only one of which was called), plus a time out or two.

[Limey]

exactly.  they have no real substantial playbook, just the same few formations, same personnel, but with Manning calling variations based on what he sees the defense about to do.  when they do call plays, they can call some pretty ridiculous-looking stuff like those weird misdirection draws where dallas clark has to stay in and block mario williams.  if manning were to get injured they'd look like a high school team, even if they had a competent backup qb.  this would not be the patriots losing brady and then winning 9 games instead of 13 or whatever-- the colts would have no idea what to do and would have to completely reinvent their offense.

The Manning on the fly stuff was very successful.  But the plays sent in often seemed overly elaborate; many times exposing the QB, WR and/or ball to the defense - for short yardage.  I think we can be thankful that Manning didn't audible the whole game, because he was much better than his coaches at play-calling.

Of course, the Colts' play-calling, faulty as it may have been at times, was still  better than the Cowboys'.  I don't remember them ever coming out of a time out and not know who's supposed to be standing where.

[Astroholic]

I think the game plan was to keep everything underneath and knock the piss out of them when they caught it.  I am surprised that Addai was able to get up from some of those hits.  I guess you also saw that vicious hit that was put on their receiver in the first quarter that drew a personal foul.  Knockout punch.  Might explain the alligator arms a few plays later.  Payton got hit in the third quarter and almost delivered an interception (DB had it punched out).  If Jacoby could catch this game would not have been close (which it really was'nt).  Also Shaub had Dray four yards open and severely under threw the ball.  Pollard got burned when he should have never let anyone behind him.  IMO, the Texans totally dominated the line of scrimmage and the score does not entirely reflect the beat down that took place.

The rookie will have to take his lumps at the corner, but if the d line can apply that kind of pressure, he will be alright.

[HudsonHawk]

I was there. 

How come you didn't come by and have a Shiner and green chile breakfast taco before the game?

[EasTexAstro]

Correct.  I was there.  It was just noise-making.

Also, I think "we" caused the two delays of game penalties (only one of which was called), plus a time out or two.

Question (probably not Limey's specialty, but just trying to stay in this line of conversation):

Once the linemen have set, and Manning goes into his dance moves, why is it not a false start when the linemen start to move/look around/holler/etc? I thought, once set, they had to maintain, to a certain degree, their stance. I see it isn't wrong that they are doing it, but how is it different than a flinch when set?

[Lurch]

Question (probably not Limey's specialty, but just trying to stay in this line of conversation):

Once the linemen have set, and Manning goes into his dance moves, why is it not a false start when the linemen start to move/look around/holler/etc? I thought, once set, they had to maintain, to a certain degree, their stance. I see it isn't wrong that they are doing it, but how is it different than a flinch when set?

Just no abrupt movement, and must be still for 1 sec before snap

link

No player of offensive team may charge or move abruptly, after assuming set position, in such manner as to lead defense to believe snap has started... After a shift or huddle all players on offensive team must come to an absolute stop for at least one second with no movement of hands, feet, head, or swaying of body.

[Astroholic]

Question (probably not Limey's specialty, but just trying to stay in this line of conversation):

Once the linemen have set, and Manning goes into his dance moves, why is it not a false start when the linemen start to move/look around/holler/etc? I thought, once set, they had to maintain, to a certain degree, their stance. I see it isn't wrong that they are doing it, but how is it different than a flinch when set?

NFL is really conservative on the application of the offside’s rule.  As long as they are not going forward, or trying to induce the defense to jump..it is not called.

If you watch they very rarely set for 1 second. 

Holding is also another one of those rules that rarely gets called. (unless you mugg someone like the Cowboys tackle did last night)

[MusicMan]

You have it all wrong.  HH is in awe of the size of Kubiak's dick.

I've never seen it, but I'm in awe of Foster's dick, which I presume to be of Greg Oden-like proportions.

[Limey]

How come you didn't come by and have a Shiner and green chile breakfast taco before the game?

Was at the Trolley Tailgaters.  Chorizo and full bar.  If I get down there again, I'll definitely look you up.

[Astroholic]

but I'm in awe of Foster's dick

NTTAWWT!

[Lurch]

I've never seen it, but I'm in awe of Foster's dick, which I presume to be of Greg Oden-like proportions.

At Tennessee he once refused to do interviews unless it was in Pterodactyl.  So we know his balls are enormous.  Or he's batshit crazy.  I'm going with big balls. (TWSS)

[Limey]

Another rules question: how many flags get thrown if a team does this in celebration?

[Astroholic]

Another rules question: how many flags get thrown if a team does this in celebration?

This is just one more reason not to like futbol.

[HudsonHawk]

Another rules question: how many flags get thrown if a team does this in celebration?

Choreographed celebrations like this one are not allowed.  Just ask the "Fun Bunch".

[MusicMan]

Choreographed celebrations like this one are not allowed.  Just ask the "Fun Bunch".

Or these guys

[Astroholic]

Or these guys

Wow!

[Rebel Jew]

This is just one more reason not to like futbol.

yesterday the bar i went to to watch the texans was 40%-filled with football fans and 60%-filled with euros and euro-sympathizers watching the lithuania-serbia and (especially) turkey-usa basketball games.  they cheered every basket and near-basket like it was the world cup, and erupted in ethnocentric chants several times.

[MusicMan]

euros and euro-sympathizers watching the lithuania-serbia and (especially) turkey-usa basketball games. 

Did any of them comment on the size of Kevin Durant's dick?

[Rebel Jew]

Did any of them comment on the size of Kevin Durant's dick?

no, not unless a roomful of hedo turkoglu jerseys is some kind of dick commentary i'm not picking up on.

[Astroholic]

yesterday the bar i went to to watch the texans was 40%-filled with football fans and 60%-filled with euros and euro-sympathizers watching the lithuania-serbia and (especially) turkey-usa basketball games.  they cheered every basket and near-basket like it was the world cup, and erupted in ethnocentric chants several times.

Where was the bar you were in located?

[Gizzmonic]

NFC East matchups should be permanently banned from Sunday Night Football.  Ugly, ugly football.

[Rebel Jew]

Where was the bar you were in located?

Lower Haight in San Francisco.  It was an Irish Pub, so I guess they attract a lot of soccer fans on normal weekend mornings.

[chuck]

If Garcon could catch, it'd be really ugly.

How the FUCK do you get signal in there?

[HudsonHawk]

How the FUCK do you get signal in there?

AT&T.  Greatest.  Wireless.  Provider.  Ever.

[chuck]

AT&T.  Greatest.  Wireless.  Provider.  Ever.

Well, that is inconsistent with my experience.

[MRaup]

Well, that is inconsistent with my experience.

If your phone isn't 3G or can be bumped down from 3G, oftentimes you can get perfectly good signal by bumping it down.

[chuck]

If your phone isn't 3G or can be bumped down from 3G, oftentimes you can get perfectly good signal by bumping it down.

I can disable 3G. I'll try that and see if it makes any difference, thanks.

[Waldo]

I have never had good luck with cell phones in stadiums.  When I was a student at UT it seemed like nobody could get a signal in our corner of DKR.

[Limey]

I have never had good luck with cell phones in stadiums.  When I was a student at UT it seemed like nobody could get a signal in our corner of DKR.

I was in Reliant, and had 5 bars and "3G" consistently.  As consistent was the helpful message "Could not activate data network".