4/10/10: PHI at HOU

[OregonStrosFan]

Astros lineup:

Michaels (CF)
Keppinger (2B)
Pence (RF)
Lee (LF)
Feliz (1B)
Johnson (3B)
Manzella (SS)
Quintero (C)
Paulino (P)

[Lurch]

Bagwell is in the booth.  This should be fun to listen to

[matadorph]

Damn those unis are sharp. Hint hint, Uncle Drayton.

[chuck]

Man, those are some sweet unis.

[MRaup]

Paulino looks like Jerome Bettis with that beard.

And good lord, 99 mph on the corner for the JRoll strikeout. Wow.


Anyone need any pbp? I can do a few innings if needed.

[matadorph]

That was a dominant third strike fastball from Paulino. Rollins had no chance on that one.

[Alkie]

Man, those are some sweet unis.

I don't know if you're kidding or not, but my hope is we win tonight and they decide to keep 'em.  I love it.   They look like major league baseball unis.

[Lurch]

Nice off speed stuff too

[MRaup]

Good lord. Where was the pitch called ball 2?

Jesus.

[matadorph]

Paulino looks like he might have something with that arm of his.

[chuck]

Paulino pitched Utley as well as you can pitch him. Man, he made some nice pitches. Even the balls were great pitches. Nice work, big man.

[Alkie]

Even the balls were great pitches. Nice work, big man.

Well yes, because some of those balls were strikes.

[chuck]

I don't know if you're kidding or not, but my hope is we win tonight and they decide to keep 'em.  I love it.   They look like major league baseball unis.

Why the fuck would it occur to you that I am kidding? Have you no respect for my sartorial sense?

There is zero ESPN/Disney bullshit involved in these unis.

[Lurch]

Fox Trax had that second called ball well inside.  Not sure if thats a human marking it or if its the pfx.  The latter would seem to be pretty accurate

[MRaup]

Moyer is the ultimate in slot throwing technology.

[Alkie]

Why the fuck would it occur to you that I am kidding? Have you no respect for my sartorial sense?

I've often considered you a master sartorist.

There is zero ESPN/Disney bullshit involved in these unis.

You don't say.   Only one team should be wearing pinstripes.   And we're not it.   

[Alkie]

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if Rafael Furcal unleashed a 95 MPH laserbeam into your lower back from close range?   Hanley Ramirez now knows. 

That looked mighty painful.

[MRaup]

A Ryan Howard triple, and Jim Edmonds wasn't involved.

Ugh.

[Lurch]

Is there a story with Bourn, or just routine day off?

[Alkie]

Wait, wait, wait.  Not only are we the only winless team in baseball, we haven't had a LEAD yet?

[MRaup]

Q just galloped off the field after that strikeout like there were 3 outs.

Whoops.

[matadorph]

Is there a story with Bourn, or just routine day off?

Day off to get Michaels some action.

[Mr. Happy]

Q just galloped off the field after that strikeout like there were 3 outs.

Whoops.

I caught that. Thank goodness that didn't hurt us.

[matadorph]

Q just galloped off the field after that strikeout like there were 3 outs.

Whoops.

Paulino kinda walked off the mound like he thought so, too. As did the FSH production crew.

[matadorph]

Gee, another hard-hit liner *just foul* for Feliz.

[Alkie]

Anyone ever been perfected by a man in his 70s?

[matadorph]

With this lineup, one run for the Philllies should be enough to get a win.

[Mr. Happy]

With this lineup, one run for the Philllies should be enough to get a win.

Moyer will make a mistake during his five or six innings, but we can't miss that mistake. We're an exciting 4-31 thus far with RISP.

[matadorph]

Moyer will make a mistake during his five or six innings, but we can't miss that mistake. We're an exciting 4-31 thus far with RISP.

But he's crafty enough to limit his mistakes to the 3-hitter

[Lurch]

Anyone ever been perfected by a man in his 70s?

A man who can hit a 97 mph fastball no less

[Alkie]

Catch it.  THEN throw it.   

[matadorph]

Wait, wait, wait.  Not only are we the only winless team in baseball, we haven't had a LEAD yet?

Oh, it's worse than that. Aside from the seventh inning of the last Giants game when the Stros scored three to tie it at 4-4, the best we've done is 0-0. And those goose egg ties have all disappeared by the second inning.

[MRaup]

God damn I hate Astros fans.

Quit booing you bunch of fuckwads.

[Alkie]

Oh, it's worse than that. Aside from the seventh inning of the last Giants game when the Stros scored three to tie it at 4-4, the best we've done is 0-0. And those goose egg ties have all disappeared by the second inning.

So we've trailed in, what, 90% of the innings we've played so far this season?  Something like that?

[matadorph]

God damn I hate Astros fans.

Quit booing you bunch of fuckwads.

It takes an ordinary kind of asshole to boo the home nine. I hate them all.

[Alkie]

God damn I hate Astros fans.

Quit booing you bunch of fuckwads.

Dude, you and I both know those people haven't a clue what they're booing at.  One guy started booing something that had nothing to do with the baseball game (probably watching yooooooooooooootube on his PDA) and then the rest of the sheep started booing with him. 

[Alkie]

When's the last time Stros started 0-9?

[MRaup]

Dude, you and I both know those people haven't a clue what they're booing at.  One guy started booing something that had nothing to do with the baseball game (probably watching yooooooooooooootube on his PDA) and then the rest of the sheep started booing with him. 

Have you read my preview yet?

After spending 30 minutes finding "gems" to add to it, I've come to realize the fanhood is 10x dumber than I expected. And I had looooooow expectations.

[matadorph]

So we've trailed in, what, 90% of the innings we've played so far this season?  Something like that?

Yes, something like that. Other than that 3-run rally (promptly negated by the bully) and a couple of badass Michael Bourn defensive plays in center, there's been basically nothing to cheer about.

[Lurch]

Yes, something like that. Other than that 3-run rally (promptly negated by the bully) and a couple of badass Michael Bourn defensive plays in center, there's been basically nothing to cheer about.

The train hasn't moved an inch.  Only team without a home run

[Anit]

home run!!

[Lurch]

You're welcome.

[matadorph]

HR!!!

Who had JMike in the office pool?

[matadorph]

The train hasn't moved an inch.  Only team without a home run

Well done.

[Alkie]

Have you read my preview yet?

After spending 30 minutes finding "gems" to add to it, I've come to realize the fanhood is 10x dumber than I expected. And I had looooooow expectations.

Well chuck and I have discussed this.  It's not that Astros fans are so stupid as it is that the fans that are actually in field level seats at the game are that fucking stupid.   I don't know why it is, but attending an Astros game to WATCH the game is almost impossible without punching someone and getting arrested.

I think I mentioned last season, when I told the MLB guy down the hall that we were Astros fans, he was genuinely shocked that I was able to zip my fly and complete a sentence without help.   I asked him if he was just an asshole and he said "no no, I have to go to the All Star Game every year and, without question, the year I was in Houston and met the fans there, I knew I had met the least interested, least knowledgeable, most ignorant fans in the sport."  Turned out, he wasn't trying to be a dick at all, he said he was just shocked at how little the Astros fans who spent the money on AS tickets knew about baseball.  The history, the present, their own team, etc.   

[matadorph]

A walk!

Amazing. Now it's Pence's turn to kill another rally.

[Alkie]

Who just woke up the Astros?

[Anit]

PENCE!!!!

[matadorph]

IT WORKED!!!!

Hahaha.

[MRaup]

Well.

I think I might be responsible for the Astros awful start.

I just went and had to flip a few of our breakers because my roommate overloaded one of them. I think I might've got the one that powered the Astros offense while I was back there.

[matadorph]

Say what you will about Drayton McLane, he knows Opening Day is the perfect time to roll out the throwback unis.

[Lurch]

Who just woke up the Astros?

Paulino!

[Ron Brand]

First lead of the season!

[Alkie]

Daddy?   Why does the scoreman have more runs for the Astros than OPPONENT?

[matadorph]

A lead thanks to Manzella. Good AB in a key situation.

[matadorph]

Paulino!

Baggy in the booth.

[Ron Brand]

That was an enjoyable inning. Maybe they'll stop pressing now.

[Aussie Astro]

What is happening there? Mlbtv hit the wall with bases loaded...

[matadorph]

Alkie, the guy down the hall sounds like a real cocksucker.

[MRaup]

What is happening there? Mlbtv hit the wall with bases loaded...

Manzella scorched one to Polanco's left, he clanked it and it got behind him. Ruled a hit, scored a run. 5-4. Q grounded out to second to end the inning.

[Ron Brand]

It's so nice to hear Baggy in the booth. This is really special.

[Aussie Astro]

Manzella scorched one to Polanco's left, he clanked it and it got behind him. Ruled a hit, scored a run. 5-4. Q grounded out to second to end the inning.

thanks - what a great time for the IT gods to extract their revenge on me.

[matadorph]

why was that a balk?

[Lurch]

JDs first chance to preach about the balk.  The season is underway!

[Alkie]

Alkie, the guy down the hall sounds like a real cocksucker.

Well, that's the thing right.   If you read the story without seeing his face, it sounds like it.   He was just being honest.  He said every year, he meets the walking encyclopedias in every city at All Star Weekend and he said it was like the entire city just discovered baseball that morning when he was in Houston.    He genuinely wasn't trying to be a dick at all.   

[MRaup]

why was that a balk?

I'm less and less impressed with this crew.

This home plate umpire's outside corner keeps wandering.

[Mr. Happy]

I'm less and less impressed with this crew.

This home plate umpire's outside corner keeps wandering.

That kills pitchers like Moyer. He's fucked Paulino a few times too.

[Ron Brand]

As a team, their hitting approach is night and day from what we've seen up to now. I don't think that's all because Moyer isn't dominant and nibbles off the plate, I'm hopeful that they're trying a better approach.

[Mr. Happy]

As a team, their hitting approach is night and day from what we've seen up to now. I don't think that's all because Moyer isn't dominant and nibbles off the plate, I'm hopeful that they're trying a better approach.

That two strike approach out of the rookie was fantastic.

[MRaup]

Sampson's breaking stuff was outstanding that inning.

[Mr. Happy]

Sampson's breaking stuff was outstanding that inning.

No shit. If he doesn't have that movement, then he's pretty much toast.

[chuck]

Damn, Q was *moving* down the line.

[MRaup]

Motherfuck, am I really going to have to stare at Pence's goofy ass and listen to him hawk all kinds of dumb shit all season?

[Ron Brand]

Motherfuck, am I really going to have to stare at Pence's goofy ass and listen to him hawk all kinds of dumb shit all season?

He's the Face of the Franchise.

[Mr. Happy]

I like a reliever who pitches from the windup with no one on base. Old school.

[chuck]

Motherfuck, am I really going to have to stare at Pence's goofy ass and listen to him hawk all kinds of dumb shit all season?

Your remote doesn't have a mute button on it?

I can't remember when it was but a good while ago with a TV long since left behind I had a remote with a timer on it. You could add increments of 30 seconds and once the timer wound down the TV would return to its original channel. That was gooder'n hell.

[Ron Brand]

Lyon isn't getting any favors from the ump.

[MRaup]

Your remote doesn't have a mute button on it?

I can't remember when it was but a good while ago with a TV long since left behind I had a remote with a timer on it. You could add increments of 30 seconds and once the timer wound down the TV would return to its original channel. That was gooder'n hell.

I have a mute button, but mostly I don't care about commercials. But hearing Pence hawking whatever bullshit him and Dolan are talking about EVERY inning is a little over the top.

[Mr. Happy]

Lyon isn't getting any favors from the ump.

This ump has fucked both pitching staffs.

[MRaup]

Lyon isn't getting any favors from the ump.

Yeah, that roaming outside corner mostly was roaming for the Phils.

[OregonStrosFan]

Shit.

[Ron Brand]

Yeah, fucking with the strike zone often ends that way.

[MRaup]

Shit.

That fastball was fucking meat.

Right down motherfucking Broadway.

[Craig]

Motherfuck, am I really going to have to stare at Pence's goofy ass and listen to him hawk all kinds of dumb shit all season?

Here's what I'm already sick and fucking tired of less than a week into the season:

"If ah'm not thar, ah'm own 'at TEE-vee rat thar, ah promise ya."

[MRaup]

Jayson Werth is the model for what Colt McCoy would've looked like with a full beard and not just the creeper-stache.

[Lurch]

Here's what I'm already sick and fucking tired of less than a week into the season:

"If ah'm not thar, ah'm own 'at TEE-vee rat thar, ah promise ya."

Berkman's walk off homer chick is easily the worst

[MRaup]

Where the fuck was that 0-2 pitch?!

[Mr. Happy]

Here's what I'm already sick and fucking tired of less than a week into the season:

"If ah'm not thar, ah'm own 'at TEE-vee rat thar, ah promise ya."

No shit. It lessens the benefits of Direct TV. I could switch to the Phils' network, but I prefer to watch the What-a-burger commercials.

[Ron Brand]

Say what you will, at least we aren't seeing some douchebag using Texaco gas so he can afford to put a wing on his piece of shit Japanese car. TexMessage!

[Lurch]

The creepy hand surgeon is back this year.  Daddys little girl!

[Ron Brand]

Nobody's up in the pen? Lyon is done.

[Mr. Happy]

Say what you will, at least we aren't seeing some douchebag using Texaco gas so he can afford to put a wing on his piece of shit Japanese car. TexMessage!

And I had just gotten that fuckwad out of my head. Thanks RB!

[MRaup]

Hey Q/Lyon... His/your slider is FUCKING MEAT!!!! Stop hanging it.

[OregonStrosFan]

A benefit of MLB.tv, no commercials.

[Ron Brand]

And the Astros aren't blacked out in Oregon.

[Ron Brand]

Wow, that was an awful call but it stopped the bleeding.

[Mr. Happy]

Nobody's up in the pen? Lyon is done.

That was an answered prayer. That inside third called strike right there.

[chuck]

Wow, that was an awful call but it stopped the bleeding.

Two inches inside. This idiot is all over the fucking place.

[OregonStrosFan]

And the Astros aren't blacked out in Oregon.

Usually not.  Miss some Saturday games that conflict with Fox Saturday baseball...  MLB has ridiculous blackout rules.

[Ron Brand]

Nice comment by Baggy - "To catch that you have to be out of position."

[MRaup]

Palanco has been a monster so far.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I'm really starting to hate that State Farm douche.

[Ron Brand]

I hope Bagwell enjoys doing this TV commentary because I want to hear a lot more of it.

[chuck]

I hope Bagwell enjoys doing this TV commentary because I want to hear a lot more of it.

Gives me one more reason to watch the game at home. I already have about 30,000 other ones.

[Alkie]

Gives me one more reason to watch the game at home. I already have about 30,000 other ones.

SUPERSTARDOGISPEOPLE!

[Ron Brand]

Damn, this Phillie team is strong all the way through. Didn't the Astros used to have a team sorta like this?

[OregonStrosFan]

He'll be in the booth for Sat night home games (12 more appearances this season).

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Those unis look sharp!

[Ron Brand]

Those unis look sharp!

They really do. I miss seeing stirrups.

[Mr. Happy]

They really do. I miss seeing stirrups.

Agreed.

[Ron Brand]

At least they looked better tonight. This team's got a way to go but they're moving in the right direction.

[OregonStrosFan]

Ausmus hit the DL for the first time.  Pinched nerve in back, only expected to be out the 15 days.  LINK

[Mr. Happy]

The umpire fucked Lindstrom on the first two pitches to Victorino, who I just hate for no apparent reason than he looks like a pissant, which directly led to that fastball down happyland.

[chuck]

If Mills' family wants to see him get his first win as manager they're going to have to rent a fucking house around here.

[Ron Brand]

The umpire fucked Lindstrom on the first two pitches to Victorino, who I just hate for no apparent reason than he looks like a pissant, which directly led to that fastball down happyland.

I had that same thought, for no good reason. Seeing him laughing with the umpire before the at-bat just pissed me off.

[Ron Brand]

If Mills' family wants to see him get his first win as manager they're going to have to rent a fucking house around here.

Or get some plane tickets and hotel rooms on the road.

[Alkie]

If Mills' family wants to see him get his first win as manager they're going to have to rent a fucking house around here.

When do the Nats come to town?

[chuck]

Or get some plane tickets and hotel rooms on the road.

I'm kind of eying the Pirates series later in the month.

[Ron Brand]

I'm kind of eying the Pirates series later in the month.

I was surprised to hear that Pato Dotel was their closer now.

[matadorph]

Bourn looks especially badass in the '65 duds.

[chuck]

I was surprised to hear that Pato Dotel was their closer now.

I've actually seen him pitch this year over the intertubes and he looks pretty good.

[Ron Brand]

Bourn looks especially badass in the '65 duds.

Kind of a Jimmy Wynn look.

[BizidyDizidy]

I'm kind of eying the Pirates series later in the month.

I'm coming to Htown for sat and sun of that series. Fully intend on seeing the first win.

[BizidyDizidy]

I've actually seen him pitch this year over the intertubes and he looks pretty good.

Man I loved that guy.

[Ron Brand]

Michaels is having a good night. Does he have the arm to play right?

[OregonStrosFan]

JMike has had some nice ABs tonight.

[Mr. Happy]

Blue is all over the place tonight.

[matadorph]

Bullshit call on Pence w/ the high strike. He should've been sitting 2-0

[MRaup]

Bullshit call on Pence w/ the high strike. He should've been sitting 2-0

Home plate ump was fucking brutal.

And ohhhh, Pence. Ended the game like only you could.

[Ron Brand]

Shitfuck.

[chuck]

Michaels is having a good night. Does he have the arm to play right?

He probably knows where the cutoff man is, or WHAT the cutoff man is, so he has that going for him.

[Aussie Astro]

That was the first game I have got to see this year (most of it anyway), looks like a long season ahead.

[matadorph]

Ya know, just once I'd like this team to not shit its pants at the beginning of the season.

[matadorph]

Bagwell is such a homer, and I mean that in the most complimentary way.

Love that guy.

[Ron Brand]

Mills likes the fact that the Astros were able to string together some good at-bats tonight and thinks the club is moving in the right direction, getting closer to where they want to be.

[chuck]

Yeah, well, as far as I can tell the good news is that Mills seems to have more than a vague idea of what he's doing. I love how he's using players and showing a willingness to mix things up in a productive way. There has been no managerial slapdickery thus far and I do not expect any. That is indeed a move in the right direction.

[OregonStrosFan]

Yeah, agree about Mills.  Though it didn't work out, I liked that he brought in Lyon in the 7th to face the top of the order, rather than simply looking at him as the 8th inning guy.

[chuck]

Yeah, agree about Mills.  Though it didn't work out, I liked that he brought in Lyon in the 7th to face the top of the order, rather than simply looking at him as the 8th inning guy.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. Or continuing to play Keppinger quite a bit in spite of the fact that Matsui is The Starter. Etc.