woods injured

[Fredia]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/27/tiger.woods/index.html?eref=rss_topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fcnn_topstories+%28RSS%3A+Top+Stories%29

strange way to crash. wonder what will come out of this

[ybbodeus]

It's starting to look like more than just a nasty little PR conundrum for the Woods empire.

[ybbodeus]

Early joke returns involve his putter and the failure to use a driver.

[Limey]

(918): I guess I finally out-drove Tiger this morning.

[Alkie]

Ok, this just got more in line with what my skeptical, cynical mind appreciates. 

He wasn't injured in a car accident and his wife wasn't trying to get him out of the car with a golf club.

He was injured when his wife attacked him for cheating and she was trying to get into the car with the golf club to beat him further. 

Apparently he was trying to flee her and hastily hit the fire hydrant which made for a nice PR release about a car wreck when, in fact, he was getting the shit beat out of him by his wife.

Carry on.

[Alkie]

What's wrong with America, you ask?   "Journalism."

The highway patrol incident report originally listed Woods’s condition as serious — a highway patrol spokesman told The Orlando Sentinel that that is customary when a patient is transported to a hospital — but Woods’s spokesman, Glenn Greenspan, issued a statement saying Woods was in good condition.

If that's right, you mean to tell me that not one single fucking news outlet was aware of that fact yet?   Not bloody likely.   Which means every single news outlet yesterday trumped up the story to freak people out when, in fact, he was never in serious condition.

I'm so fucking tired of having to do my own fact checking on modern journalists. 

[SaltyParker]

Ok, this just got more in line with what my skeptical, cynical mind appreciates. 

He wasn't injured in a car accident and his wife wasn't trying to get him out of the car with a golf club.

He was injured when his wife attacked him for cheating and she was trying to get into the car with the golf club to beat him further. 

Apparently he was trying to flee her and hastily hit the fire hydrant which made for a nice PR release about a car wreck when, in fact, he was getting the shit beat out of him by his wife.

Carry on.

this sounds a likely more accurate version of what happened. When your husband has a wreak at 2:30 AM, who rushes down there with a golf club in hand?

[ybbodeus]

The rapid spread of Driver/Putter kiss the trophy and heading out looking for a Big Gulp jokes last night didn't spell it out for you, Alkie? It's a cruel world.

So much for the charges pending merely for hitting the fire hydrant or for using his cell phone while driving, huh?  A PR conundrum ain't half of it.

[Alkie]

It's a cruel world.

All my hopes and dreams are shattered.   I always see the best in everyone and believe in face value.

I'm crushed.

[Fredia]

how come tiger can refuse to see the po po? could you or i get away with that

[JimR]

how come tiger can refuse to see the po po? could you or i get away with that

yes, you can. until you are in custody, then you can refuse to talk.

[Outlawscotty]

yes, you can. until you are in custody, then you can refuse to talk.

What are you, a lawyer or something?

[strosrays]

yes, you can. until you are in custody, then you can refuse to talk.

In Texas -- and the rest of the more-or-less civilized world -- okay.  But are you sure about the Louisiana Purchase?

[Outlawscotty]

In Texas -- and the rest of the more-or-less civilized world -- okay.  But are you sure about the Louisiana Purchase?

No you're writes.

[TheWizard]

So his wife was beating him with a golf club. What's the story here?

[Phil_in_CS]

So his wife was beating him with a golf club. What's the story here?

He's good looking and has more money than he can possibly spend. I don't care how awesome his wife is, with as many beautiful girls throwing themselves at him constantly as there are, it doesn't take much imagination to see why she might have cause to wail on him a bit.

[Alkie]

He's good looking.

He is?

[Limey]

So his wife was beating him with a golf club. What's the story here?

According to the "ESPN Version" related by the folks on the radio this morning:

The National Enquirer (who are wrong about almost everything, but were right about John Edwards) says that Tiger was putting the wood (get it?) to some NYC event hostess called Rachel Unpronounceable.

Reports are also surfacing that his injuries are inconsistent with a car accident.

Elin's two different accounts of her part in the events aren't fitting the circumstances.

Eye-witnesses are quoted as seeing scratches on Tiger's face, but no glass or bruising that would be caused by hitting the steering wheel.  No blood on the steering wheel neither.  Apparently, the cops have subpoenaed the medical records for Tiger's treatment that night and, if it's true that his injuries weren't caused by the car wreck, they're going to charge Elin with spousal abuse.

It's looking more and more likely that she found out about the affair, and decided to give him a few taps on the head with a 9-iron.  The accident being the result of a barely-conscious Woods trying to get away from the beating.

See Kitaen, Chuck.

[Alkie]

Here's the moral:

If you cheat and get caught.........take your whoopin' like a man.

[sporadic]

According to the "ESPN Version" related by the folks on the radio this morning:

The National Enquirer (who are wrong about almost everything, but were right about John Edwards) says that Tiger was putting the wood (get it?) to some NYC event hostess called Rachel Unpronounceable.

Reports are also surfacing that his injuries are inconsistent with a car accident.

Elin's two different accounts of her part in the events aren't fitting the circumstances.

Eye-witnesses are quoted as seeing scratches on Tiger's face, but no glass or bruising that would be caused by hitting the steering wheel.  No blood on the steering wheel neither.  Apparently, the cops have subpoenaed the medical records for Tiger's treatment that night and, if it's true that his injuries weren't caused by the car wreck, they're going to charge Elin with spousal abuse.

It's looking more and more likely that she found out about the affair, and decided to give him a few taps on the head with a 9-iron.  The accident being the result of a barely-conscious Woods trying to get away from the beating.

See Kitaen, Chuck.

I am completely shocked you failed to provide a link to pics of Rachel Unpronouncable

http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/enquirer-tiger-cheating-on-wife-with-party-girl-27124

[Alkie]

I am completely shocked you failed to provide a link to pics of Rachel Unpronouncable

http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/enquirer-tiger-cheating-on-wife-with-party-girl-27124

Who's the horse in the wig and makeup in all those pictures?

[Limey]

Here's the moral:

If you cheat and get caught.........take your whoopin' like a man.

To be fair to Tiger, he did...sort of.  He's posted a statement on his website calling his wife heroic, and is refusing to talk to the cops (prompting the effort by them to get the medical records mentioned in my previous post).  Keep an eye out for the Pink Panther to end up on Elin's finger (see Bryant, Kobe).

[hostros7]

To be fair to Tiger, he did...sort of.  He's posted a statement on his website calling his wife heroic, and is refusing to talk to the cops (prompting the effort by them to get the medical records mentioned in my previous post).  Keep an eye out for the Pink Panther to end up on Elin's finger (see Bryant, Kobe).

I hope this isn't fabricated: http://deadspin.com/5414727/honestly-this-story-is-like-christmas-to-us

[Alkie]

To be fair to Tiger, he did...sort of.  He's posted a statement on his website calling his wife heroic, and is refusing to talk to the cops (prompting the effort by them to get the medical records mentioned in my previous post).  Keep an eye out for the Pink Panther to end up on Elin's finger (see Bryant, Kobe).

No, getting in the car and trying to drive away hastily ain't taking it like a man.   That's running like a bitch.

And if it turns out he was cheating on his wife with the makeup'd horse in those pictures, I'll kick his ass too.  I mean really, he could pretty much have his pick of women due to his status, reputation, and wealth, and he fucks a hideous bar hostess?   Can you imagine what that woman looks like first thing in the morning?   Yikes.   

[Alkie]

I hope this isn't fabricated: http://deadspin.com/5414727/honestly-this-story-is-like-christmas-to-us

What an awesome culture we live in.
 
From Tiger cheating to his wife's response to his response to her response to the crash to the PR nightmare to Tiger's response to the PR nightmare to the quote about a Kobe special.

Do you have talent and money?   Marry a model.  When she bores you, sleep with someone less pretty but easier and much dumber.  When you get caught, get your ass kicked and hurt yourself and ruin property trying to escape.  When the cops catch up to you, lie about what happened and have friends that are stupid enough to get quoted telling the press that you said you have to purchase expensive jewelry to make up to your model wife for fucking someone else.

And this isn't from somebody who grew up without parents or discipline or education or morals.  By all other accounts, this guy is the most straight laced nancy boy the world has ever known.     Was.

[MusicMan]

No, getting in the car and trying to drive away hastily ain't taking it like a man.   That's running like a bitch.

Sorry, but (supposedly) Elin was taking a 7-iron to him.  What was he supposed to do?  Tell her that she was over-rotating her hips?  Change her grip?

[Alkie]

Sorry, but (supposedly) Elin was taking a 7-iron to him.  What was he supposed to do?  Tell her that she was over-rotating her hips?  Change her grip?

Yes.

You got caught.

Take your whoopin'.

[sporadic]

Yes.

You got caught.

Take your whoopin'.

That's bullshit, IMO.  I do not condone the behavior that caused the beating, but women do not have the right to hit men, especially to the point of unconciousness with a lethal fucking object.  If a man beat the shit out of his wife for the same behavior would you tell her to take her whoopin?  

[Phil_in_CS]

Yes.

You got caught.

Take your whoopin'.

He took enough of a whooping to be banged up and dizzy from the whooping. He didn't fight back, either, meaning he knows he's the one that fucked up.

[HudsonHawk]

That's bullshit, IMO.  I do not condone the behavior, but women do not have the right to hit men, especially to the point of unconciousness with a lethal fucking object.  If a man beat the shit out of his wife for the same behavior would you tell her to take her whoopin? 

I thought you were going to speak about how you should never hit anyone with a 7-iron...always use a wedge.

[Alkie]

That's bullshit, IMO.  I do not condone the behavior, but women do not have the right to hit men, especially to the point of unconciousness with a lethal fucking object.  If a man beat the shit out of his wife for the same behavior would you tell her to take her whoopin? 

I guess I mean it more in a metaphorical way.   In this case, the whoopin' happened to be an actual whoopin'.   

Hi, I'm Alkie, I don't know if you know me or not, but I do this schtick where I run a foundation of comedy of the absurd, which usually includes ultraviolence that I'm not actually suggesting someone go out and do.

That being said, "yes."

[BudGirl]

Yes.

You got caught.

Take your whoopin'.

Not to the degree she seem to be whoopin' him.  I give him a lot of credit for not fighting back, assuming he didn't.  But the right thing for him to do was get the hell out of there.

[Alkie]

He took enough of a whooping to be banged up and dizzy from the whooping. He didn't fight back, either, meaning he knows he's the one that fucked up.

That's all I'm saying.

And it goes for me too.   If I sleep with a horse in drag and my wife catches me and decides to shoot me in the face, she gets to shoot me in the face.

[sporadic]

I guess I mean it more in a metaphorical way.   In this case, the whoopin' happened to be an actual whoopin'.   

Hi, I'm Alkie, I don't know if you know me or not, but I do this schtick where I run a foundation of comedy of the absurd, which usually includes ultraviolence that I'm not actually suggesting someone go out and do.

That being said, "yes."

my Alkie-meter must be on the fritz

[Alkie]

Not to the degree she seem to be whoopin' him.  I give him a lot of credit for not fighting back, assuming he didn't.  But the right thing for him to do was get the hell out of there.

Well, the RIGHT thing to do was to not fuck the horse in drag.

But beyond that, the right thing to do was call the cops.   Not ruin his neighbor's tree.

[Limey]

No, getting in the car and trying to drive away hastily ain't taking it like a man.   That's running like a bitch.

I think you're overlooking the fact that she was bludgeoning him with a golf club.  At that point, you either hit back or run.  Hitting back is not an option...

And if it turns out he was cheating on his wife with the makeup'd horse in those pictures, I'll kick his ass too.  I mean really, he could pretty much have his pick of women due to his status, reputation, and wealth, and he fucks a hideous bar hostess?   Can you imagine what that woman looks like first thing in the morning?   Yikes.   

There's a long history of men with, theoretically, the world's pussy at their disposal, yet who choose to go with what's easy and convenient (see Lewinsky, Monica).

[homer]

Well, the RIGHT thing to do was to not fuck the horse in drag.

But beyond that, the right thing to do was call the cops.   Not ruin his neighbor's tree.

Tiger should call the cops on his old lady. Right.

[Alkie]

I think you're overlooking the fact that she was bludgeoning him with a golf club.  At that point, you either hit back or run.  Hitting back is not an option...

I was never suggesting he hit her back.   If he did that, we just crossed a whole other line.   If you cheat, get caught, and then fight BACK while takin' your whoopin', then we go to a whole other level of payback.

There's a long history of men with, theoretically, the world's pussy at their disposal, yet who choose to go with what's easy and convenient (see Lewinsky, Monica).

Still makes me shake my head in wonder and horror every time I think about it.

[Alkie]

Tiger should call the cops on his old lady. Right.

No.  I said he should have stood there and had his ass kicked until she was done.

I was just saying if we wanted to talk about the "right thing" to do, it would have been to call the cops.  Or a family law atty.

[homer]

No.  I said he should have stood there and had his ass kicked until she was done.

I was just saying if we wanted to talk about the "right thing" to do, it would have been to call the cops.  Or a family law atty.

No, the right thing was to get his ass out of there before things went "to a whole other level."

[Limey]

Still makes me shake my head in wonder and horror every time I think about it.

Then you probably don't want to be reminded that Nick Faldo used to play a round with Fanny, his caddie.  (Admittedly, this was while he was married to his aesthetically-challenged first wife, not his upgrade.)

[BudGirl]

Then you probably don't want to be reminded that Nick Faldo used to play a round with Fanny, his caddie.  (Admittedly, this was while he was married to his aesthetically-challenged first wife, not his upgrade.)

What is wrong with her hair?

[Alkie]

Then you probably don't want to be reminded that Nick Faldo used to play a round with Fanny, his caddie.  (Admittedly, this was while he was married to his aesthetically-challenged first wife, not his upgrade.)

This, again, is why I lobby for your computer to be taken from you.

I did not know that, I was not interested in knowing that, and now that I know it, I feel worse off.

Gah.

[Alkie]

What is wrong with her hair?

Yes.   Her hair.  That's the problem.

[Alkie]

No, the right thing was to get his ass out of there before things went "to a whole other level."

That's just where you and I disagree, my friend.

[BudGirl]

Yes.   Her hair.  That's the problem.

It's just one thing that I chose to comment.

[Andyzipp]

I think you're overlooking the fact that she was bludgeoning him with a golf club.  At that point, you either hit back or run.  Hitting back is not an option...


There's a long history of men with, theoretically, the world's pussy at their disposal, yet who choose to go with what's easy and convenient (see Lewinsky, Monica).

Maybe it's just as simple as horseface gives up the balloon know and the wife did not.

[Limey]

Maybe it's just as simple as horseface gives up the balloon know and the wife did not.

Perhaps horseface was a three-hole course, and the wife, post-partum, was a one-hole course that was mostly closed.

[Alkie]

Perhaps horseface was a three-hole course, and the wife, post-partum, was a one-hole course that was mostly closed.

I'm not eating, but I could be.   

Not anymore.   But I could have been.

[BizidyDizidy]

Does Rachel Whatshername qualify as blonde? I have it from a reliable source that Tiger has openly stated he is blondes-only.

[Alkie]

Does Rachel Whatshername qualify as blonde? I have it from a reliable source that Tiger has openly stated he is blondes-only.

I don't see how anyone would know if she's a blonde or not.  I'm going to need a pick axe and a blow torch to get through all the layers of makeup, dye, and plastic.

[Ebby Calvin]

I don't see how anyone would know if she's a blonde or not.  I'm going to need a pick axe and a blow torch to get through all the layers of makeup, dye, and plastic.

Alkie, I seem to remember a post or two about preferring older women who "know how to handle a cock" over a smokin' hot 19-year old.  Or something along those lines.

Does that fit into this scenario?

Knows How to Handle Cock = horse-faced bar hostess
Smokin' Hot = Swedish model

[homer]

Knows How to Handle Cock = horse-faced bar hostess director of VIP operations
Smokin' Hot = Swedish model

[Alkie]

Alkie, I seem to remember a post or two about preferring older women who "know how to handle a cock" over a smokin' hot 19-year old.  Or something along those lines.

Does that fit into this scenario?

Knows How to Handle Cock = horse-faced bar hostess
Smokin' Hot = Swedish model

Fuck no.   Where did I say in all that that the older woman was allowed to be ugly?   I never even suggested that, and if that's what you all read there, you're crazy. 

I said I'd rather spend a very real night of very real sex with an attractive (not overly so, necessarily) older woman who knows what the fuck she's doing than spend the same night trying to explain to a "hot" 19 year old how to stroke my cock or telling her to "knock that shit off because I was about to cum, but now I'm just angry, why would you do that, you stupid cow?"

[HudsonHawk]

Perhaps horseface was a three-hole course, and the wife, post-partum, was a one-hole course that was mostly closed.

Are you saying Tiger wasn't allowed to play the back nine?

[Alkie]

And Elin isn't a 19 year old American sorority chick.   She's a grown European woman. 

I guaranfuckingtee you that Elin knows exactly what to do with a cock.

(softball lobbed, who wants it?)

[Limey]

And Elin isn't a 19 year old American sorority chick.   She's a grown European woman. 

I guaranfuckingtee you that Elin knows exactly what to do with a cock.

(softball lobbed, who wants it?)

Cook it avec du vin?

[Alkie]

Cook it avec du vin?

No, you chase it out of the house with a 9 iron at 2 in the morning for cheating on you.

[chuck]

I said I'd rather spend a very real night of very real sex with an attractive (not overly so, necessarily) older woman who knows what the fuck she's doing than spend the same night trying to explain to a "hot" 19 year old how to stroke my cock or telling her to "knock that shit off because I was about to cum, but now I'm just angry, why would you do that, you stupid cow?"

One possible solution would be to keep plumbing the depths of the 19 year old talent pool until one found a suitable candidate.

[Alkie]

One possible solution would be to keep plumbing the depths of the 19 year old talent pool until one found a suitable candidate.

Too much work.

[MRaup]

Too much work.

Boon: I gotta work on my game.
Otter: No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.

[MikeyBoy]

Perhaps horseface was a three-hole course,

Hole two is a real crapshoot.

[JimR]

Fuck no.   Where did I say in all that that the older woman was allowed to be ugly?   I never even suggested that, and if that's what you all read there, you're crazy. 

I said I'd rather spend a very real night of very real sex with an attractive (not overly so, necessarily) older woman who knows what the fuck she's doing than spend the same night trying to explain to a "hot" 19 year old how to stroke my cock or telling her to "knock that shit off because I was about to cum, but now I'm just angry, why would you do that, you stupid cow?"

boy, i sure am glad i tuned in to this discussion.

[geezerdonk]

au

[Limey]

This joke may now be more of a likeness than any other.

[Alkie]

This joke may now be more of a likeness than any other.

You've been sitting on that one for 7 years, haven't you.

[Limey]

Tonight, Olbermann explained what Elon was doing:

"She was playing a bad lie."

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

If Tiger is leaving voice mails, sending e-mails and text messages, he's pretty fucking dumb. Any half-ass cheater knows you don't leave a trail. And if the latest rumors are true, his wife should have clocked him with Big Bertha.

[Alkie]

If Tiger is leaving voice mails, sending e-mails and text messages, he's pretty fucking dumb. Any half-ass cheater knows you don't leave a trail. And if the latest rumors are true, his wife should have clocked him with Big Bertha.

I'm absolutely not condoning cheating.   I was cheated on by a girlfriend at 20 and that was plenty devastating.  That being said, if you're going to do it, and I imagine 99% of all traveling professional male athletes do, have the fucking sense to not fuck someone who stands to gain more by ratting on you than losing herself by ratting on you.   Stop fucking cocktail waitresses and bar hostesses, you moron. 

[BizidyDizidy]

Tiger Apologizes.

http://web.tigerwoods.com/news/article/200912027740572/news/

[Andyzipp]

I'm absolutely not condoning cheating.   I was cheated on by a girlfriend at 20 and that was plenty devastating.  That being said, if you're going to do it, and I imagine 99% of all traveling professional male athletes do, have the fucking sense to not fuck someone who stands to gain more by ratting on you than losing herself by ratting on you.   Stop fucking cocktail waitresses and bar hostesses, you moron. 

Tiger should fuck around with the Queen?

[S.P. Rodriguez]

Tiger should fuck around with the Queen?

My thoughts exactly.  Who could possibly stand to lose more than he would?  Unless the point is don't cheat because the momentary gratification is not worth the cost of getting caught...

Anyway, someone somewhere is now queuing up the morality play protesting/boycotting Woods and his sponsors in some meaningless and insignificant manner, which possibly might hurt his income to an unnoticeable degree.   

[Limey]

I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means.

While I completely accept that tabloids are out of control when it comes to this type of thing, I get irritated when athletes / actors expect the public's interest to end outside the lines or at the door of the theatre.  Specifically, in Tiger's case, a significant portion (and probable majority) of his income is derived from merchandising and endorsements.  He gets this income partly because of his professional abilities but mostly because of his public persona.  This is why endorsements get yanked when the endorsee says or does something stupid.

He makes a lot of money off being Mr. Pure Professional.  If that's not true, those of us who are the market for that persona, have a right to at least ask a question about it.

A shoe that is yet to drop, is whether sponsors of his golf event, his appearance at which he has now cancelled, will sue for breach of contract.  If you think it's messy now...

[Limey]

My thoughts exactly.  Who could possibly stand to lose more than he would? 

Oprah.  I bet she'd be up for it, too.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

Oprah.  I bet she'd be up for it, too.

Oprah, "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYYYY Vahhhhhhhhhhhh JAY JAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"


ugh... my stomach just turned...

[Limey]

My thoughts exactly.  Who could possibly stand to lose more than he would?  Unless the point is don't cheat because the momentary gratification is not worth the cost of getting caught...

Call me old fashioned, but I think the reason one shouldn't cheat on one's spouse is because, typically, vows were exchanged stating something along the lines of "forsaking all others until death do us part."  For my part in my marriage, I upheld all the vows made.  My ex. liked the "for richer" bit, and was wooly on everything else.

I know that promises are made to be broken.  But breaking them should come with consequences.  Breaking big ones, like marriage vows, should have big consequences.  I think Tiger is finding that out.

Here endeth the lesson.

[Limey]

Classic.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

Call me old fashioned, but I think the reason one shouldn't cheat on one's spouse is because, typically, vows were exchanged stating something along the lines of "forsaking all others until death do us part."  

You will hear/read no argument here, on this point.

[Alkie]

Tiger should fuck around with the Queen?

That is precisely what I'm saying.

IF he has decided to ruin his life and others by fucking around, he should fuck someone who doesn't stand to GAIN something by ratting to the press about his cheating.

I'm saying, if he fucks a fucking cocktail waitress in Vegas, she has EVERYTHING to gain by coming out as Tiger's mistress and nothing to lose.   If he fucks the Queen, I guarantfuckingtee you, she's not going to the press today with text messages about Tiger's scone in her tea.

[Outlawscotty]

You will hear/read no argument here, on this point.

I just wish my ex would have read/heard this beforehand.  Oh wait, she did.

[AtascAstro]

I especially like his choice of privacy as the "virtue" which he must now defend.  Those silly Greeks with their temperance, prudence, fortitude, and justice had it all wrong.

[Limey]

I'm saying, if he fucks a fucking cocktail waitress in Vegas, she has EVERYTHING to gain by coming out as Tiger's mistress and nothing to lose.   If he fucks the Queen, I guarantfuckingtee you, she's not going to the press today with text messages about Tiger's scone in her tea.

Apparently, she's saved 300+ text messages and at least one voicemail - the one in which he begs her to take her name off her greeting, because his wife found her number.

I have no sympathy.  Bill Clinton started chasing the chubby down the hall, but for the most part it was a DNA-exchange free relationship.  The one time he spoodged, she preserved it in her closet and hanged him with it.  Oh, and she claims to this day to have been in love with him.  If that's not a lesson to be learned, then I don't know what is.

[Limey]

I especially like his choice of privacy as the "virtue" which he must now defend.  Those silly Greeks with their temperance, prudence, fortitude, and justice had it all wrong.

You forgot "mentoring".  And "mentoring" is in quotes, because I think we all know what the Greeks meant by that.

[Alkie]

I have no sympathy.  Bill Clinton started chasing the chubby down the hall, but for the most part it was a DNA-exchange free relationship.  The one time he spoodged, she preserved it in her closet and hanged him with it.  Oh, and she claims to this day to have been in love with him.  If that's not a lesson to be learned, then I don't know what is.

Again, if you're gonna fuck around, I don't care who you are, make sure the other person has a lot more to lose than you do when this thing goes public, or you won't just lose your spouse and kids, you'll probably lose a lot more.

If you're gonna be stupid, don't be stupid about it.

[Gizzmonic]

I just think it's funny to think of Tiger Woods as a sexual being at all.  He just seems like a golfing robot to me.  That he has enough passion (whether it be love or lust) to carry on with an outside woman just boggles my mind.

[MusicMan]

Robot? Tiger can cuss with the best of em.

[austro]

Robot? Tiger can cuss with the best of em.

Turing test.

[Bench]

I just think it's funny to think of Tiger Woods as a sexual being at all.  He just seems like a golfing robot to me.  That he has enough passion (whether it be love or lust) to carry on with an outside woman just boggles my mind.

The fact that you of all people don't consider robots to be sexual beings boggles my mind.

[MusicMan]

The fact that you of all people don't consider robots to be sexual beings boggles my mind.

nominated

[OregonStrosFan]

Jesper Parnevik has some advice for Tiger Woods (LINK)

"I would be especially sad about it since I'm kind of -- I feel really sorry for Elin -- since me and my wife were at fault for hooking her up with him.  We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I would probably need to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time instead of the 3-iron."

"It's a private thing of course. But when you are the guy he is, the world's best athlete, you should think more before you do stuff."

[strosrays]

There's a long history of men with, theoretically, the world's pussy at their disposal, yet who choose to go with what's easy and convenient (see Lewinsky, Monica Jones, Paula).

Fixed

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

There's a long history of men with, theoretically, the world's pussy at their disposal, yet who choose to go with what's easy and convenient (see Lewinsky, Monica Jones, Paula Flowers, Gennifer...).

Fixed again.

[MRaup]

Fixed again.

For fuck's sake, guys. I'm trying to eat breakfast here.

[MusicMan]

Fixed again.

Look, it's not like he had previously demonstrated that looks were his primary selection criterion.

[geezerdonk]

I just don't get it. These guys (Woods, Clinton, Letterman, Spitzer, etc.) are wealthy, charismatic, powerful and you would think that they could rate the highest class in the paramour department. Are these diseased, horse-faced skanks all that is available?

[MusicMan]

I just don't get it. These guys (Woods, Clinton, Letterman, Spitzer, etc.) are wealthy, charismatic, powerful and you would think that they could rate the highest class in the paramour department. Are these diseased, horse-faced skanks all that is available?

The non-diseased, non-horse-faced, non-skanks secretly prefer guys that aren't cheating on their wives.  They have that secret ingredient called "self esteem".

[S.P. Rodriguez]

anyone else have this pop into their mind in regards to Mr. Woods' self inflicted stupidity?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrFcmDqszAw

[geezerdonk]

The non-diseased, non-horse-faced, non-skanks secretly prefer guys that aren't cheating on their wives.  They have that secret ingredient called "self esteem".

So you are saying they are getting the best availble. Makes sense to me.

What do these guys say to their old ladies when they come home from their assignations?
"Say honey, I've been thinking - you should start taking heavy doses of penicillin and valtrex. Its the latest preventative for the swine flu."

[BudGirl]

So you are saying they are getting the best availble. Makes sense to me.

What do these guys say to their old ladies when they come home from their assignations?
"Say honey, I've been thinking - you should start taking heavy doses of penicillin and valtrex. Its the latest preventative for the swine flu."

The non-diseased, non-horse-faced, non-skanks secretly prefer guys that aren't cheating on their wives.  They have that secret ingredient called "self esteem".

As much as I love Ausmus, he's married.  He's a look but don't touch kind of guy for me.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

As much as I love Ausmus, he's married.  He's a look but don't touch kind of guy for me.

There you go, flaunting that self-esteem.  Don't you realize there are those less fortunate who need the spotlight for just 15minutes... to fulfill all that was left lacking because Daddy didn't love them (or loved them TOO much)?

eta: to be clear, I don't blame the cheap thrills.  I blame the guy who can't control himself.  He's the one who made the vow, not the aimless party girls. 

[Noe]

The non-diseased, non-horse-faced, non-skanks secretly prefer guys that aren't cheating on their wives.  They have that secret ingredient called "self esteem".

There is supposedly the *other* phenomena of the non-diseased, non-horse-faced, non-shanks (allegedly) that sleep with married men if they meet the following criteria:

1. They can help the said non-whatever to advance their career
2. They can be in control of the affair at all times

I've never met said career minded types, most of the women I meet make it all on their own.  I think the phenomena I'm speaking of is perhaps going the way of the dodo bird because women have proven themselves in the world of business and for true business people, the bottomline is whether a person can perform on the job and not somewhere else more personal.  I guess the phenomena is now the boss is a woman and perhaps will select the young males from the office pool if so desired for the romp around the copy room.  This whole Tiger affair (and others I've been reading about, like Steve Phillips and A-Rod) is a throw back to the days men were the hunters and the women were the hunted I guess.  You can't do that with the office women any more, not the professional ones with no need for such tom foolery.

Perhaps this is why it is now the cocktail waitress types for that extra special "I'm going to hunt you" type of males.

[Taras Bulba]

(703): Tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

[BatGirl]

apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him
she said, “i don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

[Lurch]

Nothing but penalty strokes for Tiger for several months.

[Taras Bulba]

Nothing but penalty strokes for Tiger for several months.

Can't ground your club in a hazard.

[JimR]

Nothing but penalty strokes for Tiger for several months.

going out of bounds has an automatic penalty

[OregonStrosFan]

Tiger Woods Voicemail: The Slow Jam Remix

[sporadic]

The green fee on his home course just went up

[strosrays]

I just don't get it. These guys (Woods, Clinton, Letterman, Spitzer, etc.) are wealthy, charismatic, powerful and you would think that they could rate the highest class in the paramour department. Are these diseased, horse-faced skanks all that is available?

While I would never advocate fucking Paula Jones, with one's own dick or with anyone else's (before or after plastic surgery), I will admit to some understanding of the thought processes of fools who heed whatever banal, self-destructive instinct it is that comes slithering out of the base of the cerebellum, compelling one to blow the marriage to the former debutante/model/Playboy centerfold, all for an impulsive run at a well-endowed skank, or maybe a youngish fat girl.  For one thing, what apparently passes for prime choice stuff in the rarified circles that rich athletes and politicians and rock stars and the like inhabit doesn't really look all that appealing to me, either.  I mean, how many clueless bleach-blondes with big fake tits and gigantic sausage-sized lips can you bang before you start thinking, "Damn, this is boring.  What I really need to get my rocks off is a real woman, who's been around the block a few times and shows it. . . Jeeves, drive me to the nearest trailer park!"

A woman with some flaws/mileage on her is a hell of a lot more appealing than some air-brushed bimbo spending $25,000 a month for "household expenses."  I'll admit Paula Jones is pushing the limit, though.

[Alkie]

A woman with some flaws/mileage on her is a hell of a lot more appealing than some air-brushed bimbo spending $25,000 a month for "household expenses." 

Can I tell you, from experience, that you will find yourself in the minority on this site with that kind of talk?

I know exactly what you're talking about, but no one else here does. 

Welcome to the sausage-lipped wig-wearing horse lovin' portion of the SnS.

[chuck]

At least Tiger's not putting from the rough.

[sporadic]

going out of bounds has an automatic penalty

...as does playing the wrong ball

[Limey]

I heard a rumour that Tiger is going to change his name to Cheetah.

[geezerdonk]

While I would never advocate fucking Paula Jones, with one's own dick or with anyone else's (before or after

Those Arkansas state troopers must have really hated Bill.

[Bench]

I heard a rumour that Tiger is going to change his name to Cheetah.

Doesn't quite meet the definition.

[sporadic]

Apparently, Tiger did not like to put a headcover on his driver...

http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/tiger-woods-didnt-wear-condoms-with-two-flings-2009712

Stanford must not offer health classes

[Bench]

Apparently, Tiger did not like to put a headcover on his driver...

http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/tiger-woods-didnt-wear-condoms-with-two-flings-2009712

Stanford must not offer health classes

There's some quality science in that article.

[sporadic]

There's some quality science in that article.

If it was just one skank that brought it up it could be written off as a rumor, but two skanks with the same story?  Then it has to be true.

[Bench]

If it was just one skank that brought it up it could be written off as a rumor, but two skanks with the same story?  Then it has to be true.

Oh, I'm sure it is true.  I was referring to the "experts" wringing their hands "that not only did Woods risk his own life, but also the lives of his wife, model Elin Nordegren, and their two children" and then delving into pyschotherapy.

I understand that the author has to write something, but that's remarkably stupid. 

[Limey]

Apparently, Tiger did not like to put a headcover on his driver...

http://www.usmagazine.com/healthylifestyle/news/tiger-woods-didnt-wear-condoms-with-two-flings-2009712

Stanford must not offer health classes

I was joking with my golfing buddies at the weekend, wondering if he got caddie tips for this stuff too.  "That's a rough lie, Tiger.  You might want something stronger than a featherlite...".

[Limey]

Oh, I'm sure it is true.  I was referring to the "experts" wringing their hands "that not only did Woods risk his own life, but also the lives of his wife, model Elin Nordegren, and their two children" and then delving into pyschotherapy.

I understand that the author has to write something, but that's remarkably stupid. 

You realise this was Us Magazine...right?  Not The Lancet.

[OregonStrosFan]

Deadspin now puts the "Tiger Paramour-O-Meter" at 10.

[Lurch]

From wwtdd.com on a story that Elin has moved out:

Elin Nordegren just became the worlds greatest potential girlfriend. She’s a gorgeous 29-year-old Swedish girl all set to collect hundreds of millions of dollars, and you could cheat on her with up to 8 different women, or 9 as long as one wasn’t a porn star, and you’d still be a better boyfriend than Tiger. Basically just don’t push her down the stairs and you’ll be a dream come true.

[chuck]

Deadspin now puts the "Tiger Paramour-O-Meter" at 10.

This link is outSTANding if for no other reason than it encouraged me to listen to Some Girls again, the underrated title track from what I consider to be the band's last flawless album. I just don't have that much jaaayam!

[strosrays]

. . . it encouraged me to listen to Some Girls again, the underrated title track from what I consider to be the band's last flawless album.

Agreed.

[TheWizard]

Did his wife OD?

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4722218

According to WESH-TV, firefighters from Orange County, Fla, responded to a medical call received at 2:36 a.m. The station reported that a radio log showed an adult woman taken to a local hospital.

According to WESH-TV, the log showed the patient initially refused transport, but was later listed as an advanced life support patient.

[Limey]

SNL's take on things.  Awesome.

[Limey]

Did his wife OD?

Reports now say that it's Elin's mother, who arrived in FL a few days ago.  Stomach pains is the cause of the hospitalisation.

[subnuclear]

As a non-journalist, I thought some of the details of this article were interesting, though the author doesn't point out that MJ still has a positive media image :

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/301871-why-the-michael-jordantiger-woods-model-will-never-work-with-the-media

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

As a non-journalist, I thought some of the details of this article were interesting, though the author doesn't point out that MJ still has a positive media image :

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/301871-why-the-michael-jordantiger-woods-model-will-never-work-with-the-media

Michael Jordan sells underware with Charlie Sheen. If there ever was a teflon degenerate, it's Charlie Sheen. He's the highest paid actor on television (and I use that term loosely 'cause he's a shitty actor). Short of rape or murder, I don't see how Charlie Sheen could fuck up worse than he already has, and career-wise anyway, he is apparently no worse off for it. Sadly, in these times, wholesomeness is a thing of the past.

[AtascAstro]

Deadspin's take

[VirtualBob]

Michael Jordan sells underware with Charlie Sheen. If there ever was a teflon degenerate, it's Charlie Sheen. He's the highest paid actor on television (and I use that term loosely 'cause he's a shitty actor). Short of rape or murder, I don't see how Charlie Sheen could fuck up worse than he already has, and career-wise anyway, he is apparently no worse off for it. Sadly, in these times, wholesomeness is a thing of the past.

Agreed.  At least Hugh Grant can act.

[Ty in Tampa]

At least Hugh Grant can act.

*stutter**stutter**blink**blink**blink**blink**blink* *stutter**blink**blink**blink*

[Taras Bulba]

*stutter**stutter**blink**blink**blink**blink**blink* *stutter**blink**blink**blink*

I watched Grant play golf in some celebrity pro-am thing done in Scotland a few months back.  He wasn't half bad.  Since then, I read something that said he's been playing a lot of golf over the last few years.  He might have also been good playing Bertie Wooster.

[Limey]

*stutter**stutter**blink**blink**blink**blink**blink* *stutter**blink**blink**blink*

See also Gere, Richard.

[Ron Brand]

Callas, Charlie.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

Callas, Charlie.

Wait a minute. Charlie Callas got a hampster stuck up his ass too?

[Alkie]

Deadspin's take

This column is cool because, if you were ever wondering what I looked like if I had a lot of makeup and a wig and tits, I'd be the one on the left.

For the record, I was never interested in what I'd look like with all those things, but at least now I know Tiger Woods likes women who look like me, but in drag, with fake tits.

That's just nasty on so many fucking levels.

God DAMN those "women" are fucking repulsive.

[Limey]

For the record, I was never interested in what I'd look like with all those things, but at least now I know Tiger Woods likes women who look like me, but in drag, with fake tits.

You may have missed out on a new, lucrative career path.

[S.P. Rodriguez]

This column is cool because, if you were ever wondering what I looked like if I had a lot of makeup and a wig and tits, I'd be the one on the left.

For the record, I was never interested in what I'd look like with all those things, but at least now I know Tiger Woods likes women who look like me, but in drag, with fake tits.

That's just nasty on so many fucking levels.

God DAMN those "women" are fucking repulsive.

May have my sarc-o-meter on the fritz but article pretty much clarifies that it's likely Tiger did he deed with the middle and right, although possibly only the one on the right.  It implies the middle and left are quasi Madams.  They aren't real Madams because they were not paid to explicitly provide sex - think Heidi Fleiss - , just introductions to party girls looking to sleep with celebs and party events etc... - think millionaire matchmaker, just don't ask me how I know who that is.

p.s. thanks for the disturbing mental image. 

[MusicMan]

You may have missed out on a new, disclosed your lucrative career path.

FIFY

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

This column is cool because, if you were ever wondering what I looked like if I had a lot of makeup and a wig and tits, I'd be the one on the left.

You are the most feminine looking one of the bunch.

You know, call me old fashion, I get jacking off to the fantasy of fucking a chick in a porno flick but actually fucking one is nuts.

[Alkie]

You are the most feminine looking one of the bunch.

GODAMMIT.   I was told once I got out of high school, I wouldn't have to hear shit like this anymore.

You know, call me old fashion, I get jacking off to the fantasy of fucking a chick in a porno flick but actually fucking one is nuts.

Yes.   I can't tell you how many times I've had to explain this.   The trashy chicks with a dick in each hole to make drug money is hot on film when I don't have to actually smell her or drive her back to the bus station.

[Gizzmonic]

I think Tiger Woods should revel in his new persona.  Embrace the philandering heel role and find some new sponsors...maybe the Bunny Ranch?  Also, he should grow his hair out a little (maybe a Jheri curl?) and start wearing some gold chains, always carry a toothpick in his mouth, that kind of thing.  He's never gonna be squeaky clean anymore, so he may as well do it WWF style.  Maybe he should partner with Mickelson on some tournament and then club him from behind when he's not looking.  That would make golf a lot more interesting.

[Rebel Jew]

I think Tiger Woods should revel in his new persona.  Embrace the philandering heel role and find some new sponsors...maybe the Bunny Ranch?  Also, he should grow his hair out a little (maybe a Jheri curl?) and start wearing some gold chains, always carry a toothpick in his mouth, that kind of thing.  He's never gonna be squeaky clean anymore, so he may as well do it WWF style.  Maybe he should partner with Mickelson on some tournament and then club him from behind when he's not looking.  That would make golf a lot more interesting.

how long is it before the cover gets blown off golfers in general?  seriously, if i was what i'm sure are any one of dozens of well-known pro golfers, i'd be pretty freaked out that my own philandering ways (or worse) are about to get out.

[MRaup]

I think Tiger Woods should revel in his new persona.  Embrace the philandering heel role and find some new sponsors...maybe the Bunny Ranch?  Also, he should grow his hair out a little (maybe a Jheri curl?) and start wearing some gold chains, always carry a toothpick in his mouth, that kind of thing.  He's never gonna be squeaky clean anymore, so he may as well do it WWF style.  Maybe he should partner with Mickelson on some tournament and then club him from behind when he's not looking.  That would make golf a lot more interesting.

If I got to see Tiger Woods hit Phil Mikelson with a folding chair, I think I'd immediately move golf up to number one on my favorite sports list.

[hostros7]

how long is it before the cover gets blown off golfers in general?  seriously, if i was what i'm sure are any one of dozens of well-known pro golfers, i'd be pretty freaked out that my own philandering ways (or worse) are about to get out.

Deadspin now speculating on the Mannings (well Peyton's new anyways)

http://deadspin.com/5425455/why-latest-tiger-madam-could-be-full-of-crap-the-manning-files

Really?  all it takes is one email from a flapper at a bar with today's journalistic standards I guess.

[MusicMan]

Deadspin now speculating on the Mannings (well Peyton's new anyways)

http://deadspin.com/5425455/why-latest-tiger-madam-could-be-full-of-crap-the-manning-files

Really?  all it takes is one email from a flapper at a bar with today's journalistic standards I guess.

Deadspin has zero overlap with journalism.

[Mr. Happy]

Deadspin has zero overlap with journalism.

While I know from personal knowledge that the Mannings are not the clean benevolent guys that they portray themsleves to be, I seriously doubt that Peyton is that stupid. Eli might be another story, so it wouldn't surprise me. The Mannings are all about the Mannings.

[AtascAstro]

"Go on, be a Tiger" just doesn't sound the same anymore.

[Limey]

While I know from personal knowledge that the Mannings are not the clean benevolent guys that they portray themsleves to be, I seriously doubt that Peyton is that stupid. Eli might be another story, so it wouldn't surprise me. The Mannings are all about the Mannings.

The Mannings may or may not be promiscuous, but they are unlikely to father any children if they are.  Everyone knows that their speciality, when the end is near, is to pull it out at the last minute.

[MusicMan]

While I know from personal knowledge that the Mannings are not the clean benevolent guys that they portray themsleves to be, I seriously doubt that Peyton is that stupid. Eli might be another story, so it wouldn't surprise me. The Mannings are all about the Mannings.

Peyton probably draws on the words of wisdom from his buddy JT:

"In public, they'll profess to be virgins... but in private, he hit it."

[MusicMan]

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/15/sports/15doctor.html

When asked for comment about Mr. Woods’s involvement with Dr. Galea, Mark Steinberg, of I.M.G., responded in an e-mail message: “I would really ask that you guys don’t write this? If Tiger is NOT implicated, and won’t be, let’s please give the kid a break.”

Holy crap, that's the most incompetent response from an agent i've ever seen.

[Gizzmonic]

The Mannings may or may not be promiscuous, but they are unlikely to father any children if they are.  Everyone knows that their speciality, when the end is near, is to pull it out at the last minute.

Zing of the Day!

[Noe]

Seems Woods is about to see half his earnings walk out the door:

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4750352&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

[Mr. Happy]

Seems Woods is about to see half his earnings walk out the door:

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4750352&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

That's some expensive tail, ain't it Tiger?

[JimR]

incredible fall from grace

[MusicMan]

Compare and contrast to Derek Jeter, who has tagged 90% of Hollywood but nobody cares.  Why?

Because he wasn't married.

[JimR]

Compare and contrast to Derek Jeter, who has tagged 90% of Hollywood but nobody cares.  Why?

Because he wasn't married.

of course. makes all the difference in the world.

[MusicMan]

of course. makes all the difference in the world.

I just don't understand if you're a young athlete that wants to chase the copious amounts of tail available to you, why would you get married?

[AtascAstro]

I just don't understand if you're a young athlete that wants to chase the copious amounts of tail available to you, why would you get married?

Cynical View = because it improves your marketability to non-sports following consumers.

[BizidyDizidy]

I just don't understand if you're a young athlete that wants to chase the copious amounts of tail available to you, why would you get married?

Maybe he wanted the kids?

Cynically I think if you knew that you wanted his lifestyle, you could find someone you could reach an "arrangement" with beforehand. Most likely, he just wasn't that honest with himself and thought he could be faithful, at least for a period of time (or at least keep it under control/wraps).

[ybbodeus]

Seems Woods is about to see half his earnings walk out the door:

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4750352&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

Will his playing the wrong holes move his bride to the top of the money list?

[Lurch]

Will his playing the wrong holes move his bride to the top of the money list?

Is the "Tiger Slam" now 1 major and 13, 14, 15, any tournament that moves?

[S.P. Rodriguez]

I just don't understand if you're a young athlete that wants to chase the copious amounts of tail available to you, why would you get married?

Is narcissism that hard to comprehend?

[homer]

Tiger Woods is getting treatment at a top sex addiction program in Hattiesburg, Miss., sources have told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/01/exclusive-tiger-woods-sex-rehab-mississippi

ETA: According to the Web site for the facility, patients usually spend about six weeks in treatment. Sex addicts receive a variety of treatments, including group therapy, cognitive behavior therapy and something called “shame reduction.”

[MikeyBoy]

“shame reduction.”

Cutting out the "walk of shame?"

[Lurch]

Tiger Woods is getting treatment at a top sex addiction program in Hattiesburg, Miss., sources have told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/01/exclusive-tiger-woods-sex-rehab-mississippi

ETA: According to the Web site for the facility, patients usually spend about six weeks in treatment. Sex addicts receive a variety of treatments, including group therapy, cognitive behavior therapy and something called “shame reduction.”

Bet there is always a lot of disappointment when someone attends their first group therapy.

[homer]

Bet there is always a lot of disappointment when someone attends their first group therapy.

Especially in Hattiesburg.

[Bench]

I was kind of hoping that the treatment is like when my dad caught me smoking a cigarette when I was 13 and forced me to smoke the whole pack right there in front of him.

[Taras Bulba]

Especially in Hattiesburg.

They've got him working in the fields and his new name is, "Toby."

[Alkie]

They've got him working in the fields and his new name is, "Toby."

No.

[EasTexAstro]

...receive a variety of treatments, including group therapy, cognitive behavior therapy and something called “shame reduction.”

Much like freshman politicians go through when being sworn in.

[BizidyDizidy]

I think tiger tried to self-administer the cigarette pack treatment.

[MusicMan]

I think tiger tried to self-administer the cigarette pack treatment.

Ewwww... he had sex with these skanks in front of his mother?!?!

[HudsonHawk]

I think tiger tried to self-administer the cigarette pack treatment.

Right..the way to get over a poon addiction is to screw like 20 skanky cocktail waitresses at a time.  You'll never have another b***r again.

[austro]

Right..the way to get over a poon addiction is to screw like 20 skanky cocktail waitresses at a time.  You'll never have another b***r again.

I didn't know if Sphinx's b***r would have staying power, but it looks like it will.

[Ty in Tampa]

Addiction specialists claim that shame drives compulsive behavior. It would make sense to me that someone raised as Tiger was would harbor a shit-ton of it.

[Alkie]

Addiction specialists claim that shame drives compulsive behavior. It would make sense to me that someone raised as Tiger was would harbor a shit-ton of it.

Man, if that's true, that explains why I have whatever the opposite of addictive personality is. 

[Mr. Happy]

Addiction specialists claim that shame drives compulsive behavior. It would make sense to me that someone raised as Tiger was would harbor a shit-ton of it.

They have great success at Pine Grove. I was in-patient there in the Professional Enhancement Program as well as Next Step (for addiction to chemicals), and the guys from Gentle Path (the program that he's in) lived in and around us in Next Step. I hope that Tiger does well there. It's a very peaceful and therapeutic environment.

[Limey]

I didn't know if Sphinx's b***r would have staying power, but it looks like it will.

Get outta here, Dewey.  You don't want no part of this shit!  It gives you a b***r.