Fuck the Cubs v. Fuck Coop-- a shirtless grudgematch 7/30/09

[Rebel Jew]

Houston
  AB R H RBI HR BB K SB LOB Season Avg 
M. Bourn cf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .288 
K. Matsui 2b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .253 
M. Tejada ss 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .328 
C. Lee lf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .307 
G. Blum 1b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .269 
H. Pence rf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .294 
J. Keppinger 3b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .277 
H. Quintero c 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .225 
R. Ortiz p 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .185 
 Totals 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0   
 
 Chi Cubs
  AB R H RBI HR BB K SB LOB Season Avg 
K. Fukudome cf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .267 
R. Theriot ss 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .292 
D. Lee 1b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .291 
J. Fox 3b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .319 
M. Bradley rf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .250 
A. Soriano lf 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .251 
M. Fontenot 2b 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .228 
K. Hill c 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 .206 
K. Hart p


Kep and Matsui switching places in the lineup on a daily basis.  Fukudome getting the start for the hatbackwards, plus no aramis

[Matt]

So when Kaz gets 3 hits he gets to hit second but if he gets zero hits today is he going to be dropped down again?

[Mr. Happy]

So when Kaz gets 3 hits he gets to hit second but if he gets zero hits today is he going to be dropped down again?

It's Cooper's penchant for "going for the hot hand" and mindfucking with the players by constantly changing the order.

[BudGirl]

another walk to start the game.

[Rebel Jew]

wow.  lee is 3 for 33 career against ortiz

[Noe]

So when Kaz gets 3 hits he gets to hit second but if he gets zero hits today is he going to be dropped down again?

Yes.  It how Cooper rolls.

[BudGirl]

woo hoo, no runs scored.

[matadorph]

Ortiz with the anti-Hampton first inning.

Nice work, Russ.

[BudGirl]

 

[JaneDoe]

Inning, score?

[matadorph]

I was hoping Kabong would do a lil hop skip and a cartwheel in honor of the douchebag LF whose head he hit it over.

[matadorph]

second, 1-0 Good Guys

[matadorph]

Pence HPB that also hit Bucknor.

[MusicMan]

I was hoping Kabong would do a lil hop skip and a cartwheel in honor of the douchebag LF whose head he hit it over.

Such an attempt might kill Kabong.

[BizidyDizidy]

What's the on-field delay?

[Mr. Happy]

Hopefully, this kid will implode and we'll put up a crooked number.

[BudGirl]

Such an attempt might kill Kabong.

or the person he falls on.

[homer]

Ortiz with the anti-Hampton first inning.

Nice work, Russ.

He really isn't Coop's kind of pitcher.

[matadorph]

Bucknor shaking it off.

Kepp with a terrible yet effective sacrifice. Runners at second and third, one out.

[BudGirl]

He really isn't Coop's kind of pitcher.

who is?

[Mr. Happy]

He really isn't Coop's kind of pitcher.

And he threw 20 pitches that inning! Slacker!

[matadorph]

Oh damn Bucknor gets it again!

[BudGirl]

poor baby

[matadorph]

He has to be hurting after that one. The first one got him in the left shoulder, this one hit the right.

[BizidyDizidy]

Why do you sacrifice bunt to get to Quintero and Ortiz?

[JaneDoe]

Thanks for the game descriptions matadorph!

[matadorph]

Now Q gets the HBP. Bases juiced.

[Craig]

Why do you sacrifice bunt to get to Quintero and Ortiz?

JD was questioning that too.

"Hmmm, not sure about this strategy. We'll see how it works out."

[hostros7]

Why do you sacrifice bunt to get to Quintero and Ortiz?

With a hot hitter and a pitcher who seems to be having trouble finding the zone (based on my gamecast viewing).  I let him swing away there and hope for the big inning.  It's early and Ortiz is on the mound.

[BudGirl]

well a dp is how it worked out.

[Jacksonian]

Why do you sacrifice bunt to get to Quintero and Ortiz?

Blum wanted to be on 3rd base immediately.

[Matt]

I hope someone gets the chance to plunk Soriano before they leave town.

[MusicMan]

Blum wanted to be on 3rd base immediately.

Bravo.

[JackAstro]

Inning-ending DP off the pitcher's bat. Well played, Coop.

[JimR]

I hope someone gets the chance to plunk Soriano before they leave town.

why?

[MusicMan]

I hope someone gets the chance to plunk Soriano before they leave town.

Because what this team needs right now is to burn an extra pitcher?

[matadorph]

Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

Ortiz GIDP with the help of a very questionable call at first on a poor throw to Lee.

[BizidyDizidy]

I can't believe how bad of a move that was.

[MusicMan]

Death is not an option:

Listening to Milo plug Rush on 950, or listening to Rush himself?

[Matt]

His antics the other night were annoying.

[matadorph]

Ortiz stumbled out of the box or he would've been safe.

[MusicMan]

His antics the other night were annoying.

Then our whole damn team should be plunking Cooper.

[Matt]

Then our whole damn team should be plunking Cooper.

That's not too bad of an idea.

[BudGirl]

anyone watching, was ball 4 really strike 3?

[JimR]

His antics the other night were annoying.

oh, fuck that. the grand slam was annoying. he was pointing and waving--AS THE INFALLIBLE JD SAID--to his wife and children.

you just hit people because you are annoyed? tough guy.

[matadorph]

anyone watching, was ball 4 really strike 3?

From my perspective, yes. But I can't stand CB.

[MusicMan]

anyone watching, was ball 4 really strike 3?

Gameday has it pretty easily outside.

[BudGirl]

doray made it seem like it could easily have been strike 3

[matadorph]

Gameday has it pretty easily outside.

It may have been outside, but it was barely outside.

[Matt]

oh, fuck that. the grand slam was annoying. he was pointing and waving--AS THE INFALLIBLE JD SAID--to his wife and children.

you just hit people because you are annoyed? tough guy.

I'm sure they saw the grand slam without him pointing and making a spectacle of it.

[Mr. Happy]

I'm sure they saw the grand slam without him pointing and making a spectacle of it.

Dude! He was excited about hitting a walkoff slam in front of his family. Get a life! Ballplayers don't dot people for that.

[JimR]

I'm sure they saw the grand slam without him pointing and making a spectacle of it.

tough guy. just hit someone who annoys you.

[Matt]

Dude! He was excited about hitting a walkoff slam in front of his family. Get a life! Ballplayers don't dot people for that.

Alright I'm dropping this argument.

[BudGirl]

fucking walks are killing the astros. 

[matadorph]

Fuku with a two-out single to RF to plate two. Fuckfaces lead 2-1

[Matt]

How many times has Koyie Hill been intentionally walked this series?

[jmontessi]

He really isn't Coop's kind of pitcher.

I don't care for about 99% of Coop's decisions, but I must say, I CANNOT stand to watch Ortiz pitch. Nibble, nibble, walk, nibble. ugh. From my perspective, not fun to watch at all.

[MusicMan]

Anyone - and I mean ANYONE - still think this team is a contender?

[Tralfaz]

Does Coop jerk with DoRay on who does radio pbp and who does color too?   Seems to change daily.    

[gundy315]

You know, I completely grasp the strategy of walking the bases full with two on, but I'll be damned if it doesn't seem like it comes back to bite you in the ass more often than not.

[hostros7]

It sure is a good thing the Astros played for 1 run in the top of the 2nd.

[Mr. Happy]

Anyone - and I mean ANYONE - still think this team is a contender?

Not at the moment. Too many holes in the rotation.

[jmontessi]

I CANNOT stand to watch Ortiz pitch

On the other hand, I love watching Bourn. Speed kills.

[BudGirl]

I have decided to stop listening to this game.  I think the Astros will have a better chance of winning.  (Yeah, my listening makes a difference.)

[MusicMan]

We all saw the 2-run Kaz HR coming, right?

[Matt]

We all saw the 2-run Kaz HR coming, right?

That means he gets to stay in the 2 spot tomorrow!

[hostros7]

This team only has a shot if they make another Wolfish type trade.  It would be great if Bazardo or Norris could really step up and plug a hole in the rotation in addition, but the slop of Hampton, Ortiz, and, to a lesser extent, Moehler won't take them anywhere.  

[MusicMan]

Just another Wrigley pitching duel.  Fox into the first row in LF, 5-3 FTC.

[Ty in Tampa]

Jeeezus!!

[MusicMan]

Bradley HR off the end of the bat.  6-3 FTC.

[austro]

That means he gets to stay in the 2 spot tomorrow!

Nonsense! He moves to cleanup!

[Taras Bulba]

This team only has a shot if they make another Wolfish type trade.  It would be great if Bazardo or Norris could really step up and plug a hole in the rotation in addition, but the slop of Hampton, Ortiz, and, to a lesser extent, Moehler won't take them anywhere.  

This is the part I find interesting--the deals that GMs pull off that no one anticipates or can conceptualize.  That said, I wonder if Wade is not using all his powers and all his skills to convince Drayton that this is the season to sell.

[das]

Bradley HR off the end of the bat.  6-3 FTC.

So, do you pull whiney Ortiz here?  How much is enough?

[JackAstro]

This is the part I find interesting--the deals that GMs pull off that no one anticipates or can conceptualize.  That said, I wonder if Wade is not using all his powers and all his skills to convince Drayton that this is the season to sell.

The back of the rotation is certainly helping with that argument.

[MusicMan]

So, do you pull whiney Ortiz here?  How much is enough?

Does single-triple, 7-3 make it enough?  No, Dewey to the mound.

[JackAstro]

Oh good Lord, make it stop.

[MusicMan]

The back of the rotation is certainly helping with that argument.

I think with the rotation collapsing, and the Jakes picking up Holliday, there's a much better argument to sell than not.  Don't you think the Red Sox would give their left nut for Tejada right now?

[MusicMan]

Sac fly, 8-3 FTC.

[das]

Does single-triple, 7-3 make it enough?  No, Dewey to the mound.

Apparantly, the new MO is to wait until the game is fully out of reach.  At least the pitchers' feelings won't be hurt.

[Astroholic]

I think with the rotation collapsing, and the Jakes picking up Holliday, there's a much better argument to sell than not.  Don't you think the Red Sox would give their left nut for Tejada right now?

A left nut would be great about right now.  Valverde might fetch you a right.

[BudGirl]

Oh good Lord, make it stop.

you want to make it stop?

no pain no gain you wimp

[moriartp]

A left nut would be great about right now.  Valverde might fetch you a right.

So including Cooper, we'd have three nuts.

[jmontessi]

The fact is, we got into contention before the ASB cleaning up on sub-.500 teams. We swept the Co-ards which got everyone (including myself) very excited. Then, back to earth against the steM, and now this turd pile.

SELL! SELL!

[Astroholic]

So including Cooper, we'd have three nuts.

not yet.  

[/Berkman quote] ummmm nuts!

[das]

So including Cooper, we'd have three nuts.

Heck, I have a spare.  Throw that in if it will help...

[hostros7]

This is the part I find interesting--the deals that GMs pull off that no one anticipates or can conceptualize.  That said, I wonder if Wade is not using all his powers and all his skills to convince Drayton that this is the season to sell.

Is it though?  The team is 3.5 games out.  While I don't think they win the division this year, I would be hesitant to break up the team if you can maybe sign Miggy for 8mm next year and move him to 3rd.   Another year of Bourn development.  Norris and/or Bazardo break into the rotation.  Sign a lost cost D focused shortstop of Everett's ilk (although clearly not the same glove).  That could be a good ball club.  

However, if the club has no intention of resigning Miggy, maybe you move him before the deadline but I wouldn't be ready to do that yet.

[SaltyParker]

This is brutal.

[MusicMan]

Lee misplays a ball off the LF wall.  Double, run scores, 9-3 FTC.

[MusicMan]

Ortiz regains the ERA "lead" from Hampton, now up to 5.57.

Byrdak in.

[Astroholic]

Lee misplays a ball off the LF wall.  Double, run scores, 9-3 FTC.

Wish we could ship him off as well.  Love his bat...but...

Yeah I know 100mm no trade clause.

[astrojo]

wow, lee cares even less about this game than ortiz.

[Gizzmonic]

Shitcock.

[accougars]

So, do you pull whiney Ortiz here?  How much is enough?

I say you make him stay out there and finish this game. Then, when he comes off the mound after the 8th, don't say a word, shake his hand, and let him find the red tag in his locker all by himself.

[Astroholic]

Lee misplays a ball off the LF wall.  Double, run scores, 9-3 FTC.

well that did not take long.

[Russe]

It certainly wouldn't hurt to see what Tejada/Valverde/Pudge/etc. would bring back. And I'd say it's time to see what Bazardo can do.

[Astroholic]

I say you make him stay out there and finish this game. Then, when he comes off the mound after the 8th, don't say a word, shake his hand, and let him find the red tag in his locker all by himself.

The game ends in the 8th?  Mercy rule?

[Taras Bulba]

Is it though?  The team is 3.5 games out.  While I don't think they win the division this year, I would be hesitant to break up the team if you can maybe sign Miggy for 8mm next year and move him to 3rd.   Another year of Bourn development.  Norris and/or Bazardo break into the rotation.  Sign a lost cost D focused shortstop of Everett's ilk (although clearly not the same glove).  That could be a good ball club.  

However, if the club has no intention of resigning Miggy, maybe you move him before the deadline but I wouldn't be ready to do that yet.

Maybe Norris and Bazardo turn into something, but Houston needs a LOT of solid pitching and more often than not it's not going to come from guys in their first year in the bigs.  I like Tejada but I'd like some solid starting pitching a lot more.

[MusicMan]

The game ends in the 8th?  Mercy rule?

The Cubs are the home team.  They're at Wrigley, not Miller.

[Andyzipp]

The game ends in the 8th?  Mercy rule?

Game ended in the 3rd today.

[MusicMan]

I like Tejada but I'd like some solid starting pitching a lot more.

Tejada and Hawkins for Clay Buchholz.

[Astroholic]

The Cubs are the home team.  They're at Wrigley, not Miller.

Nevermind.

[accougars]

The game ends in the 8th?  Mercy rule?

Uhmm, when the home team is winning, they don't bat in the ninth!

[Andyzipp]

Tejada and Hawkins for Clay Buchholz.

Throw in Pence, since Wade likes to overpay.

[hostros7]

Tejada and Hawkins for Clay Buchholz.

Done.

[Astroholic]

Uhmm, when the home team is winning, they don't bat in the ninth!

got it clarkie.  BTW, I just love that emoticon!

[JackAstro]

Oof.

[MusicMan]

First good news of the game:

MLB Gameday now has a Twitter tab, and Footer just found it.

[MusicMan]

Uhmm, when the home team is winning, they don't bat in the ninth!

LIGHT THE RED X ORANGE!

[moriartp]

Done.

Good luck getting the Sox to agree.

[hostros7]

Norris must be confused.  He probably wonders when he and all these guys with old balls got sent down to AA.

[MusicMan]

Fuk-u-do-me runs into the K/2-4-2 DP.

[MusicMan]

Good luck getting the Sox to agree.

They turned down Victor Martinez for Buchholz.  That's why I threw in Hawk.

[JackAstro]

It has come to my attention that twitter updates are now a part of Gameday. In between home runs, Footer and McTaggart, I have learned where the Astros street team will be tonight (!!!!!!), and "Hay que olvidar esta serie y enfocarnos en ganar la serie contra Milwaukee. terible."

[JackAstro]

All right boys let's get back in this thing one base at a time station to station let's keep it moving smart ball head in the game see some hustle out there CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

[MusicMan]

First good news of the game:

MLB Gameday now has a Twitter tab, and Footer just found it.

Nail, meet hammer:

Good to see the veteran pitchers really stepping up when the 'pen needs a break. - alysonfooter

[das]

Ortiz regains the ERA "lead" from Hampton, now up to 5.57.

Ugh, Hampton's 7.96 ERA in July was going to be hard to beat.  Ortiz blew right by him like he was standing still.  12.23 ERA for the month over 4 starts.  Yikes.

[moriartp]

They turned down Victor Martinez for Buchholz.  That's why I threw in Hawk.

Martinez also has a relatively inexpensive club option for next season. They could really use Tejada, but I don't think they'd be willing to part with Buchholz for two months of Miggy and LaTroy. They've got other prospects we could use, though.

[JackAstro]

Nail, meet hammer:

Twitter, meet "Cubs":

Ouch that was a sudden end to an inning. Great stuff out there though, we'll take 5 runs in 1 inning and 9 runs in 2 any day

Oh, will you? That's super. Just super.

(punches hole in monitor, throws computer against wall)

[MusicMan]

You should have just punched a hole in the wall.  With this team, you're going to have to learn to be more efficient in the ways you lash out.

[Mr. Happy]

Ortiz threw almost as many balls (32) as strikes (36). That's not going to get it done.

[das]

All right boys let's get back in this thing one base at a time station to station let's keep it moving smart ball head in the game see some hustle out there CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

One too many CLAP's there, big guy.  It's: CLAP, CLAP, CLAP-CLAP-CLAP, CLAP, CLAP..., CLAP-CLAP.

[hostros7]

Ortiz threw almost as many balls (32) as strikes (36). That's not going to get it done.

That may be his only strategy left when all his pitches are meat.  Hope the opponent swings at shit.

[pots]

Ortiz threw almost as many balls (32) as strikes (36). That's not going to get it done.

Those 36 strikes turned into 18 total bases.

[MusicMan]

wtg, team!

(Yes, we've entered the "mock the radio commercials" portion of today's game.)

[Phil_in_CS]

One too many CLAP's there, big guy.  It's: CLAP, CLAP, CLAP-CLAP-CLAP, CLAP, CLAP..., CLAP-CLAP.

I guess he's not as familiar with clap as you are.

[SaltyParker]

I say you make him stay out there and finish this game. Then, when he comes off the mound after the 8th, don't say a word, shake his hand, and let him find the red tag in his locker all by himself.

I didn't think you would come back after your 5 infielder comment and the resulting ridicule.

[moriartp]

That may be his only strategy left when all his pitches are meat.  Hope the opponent swings at shit.

Ah, the Backe maneuver. Useful only if you're pitching for the 1919 White Sox.

[hostros7]

Ah, the Backe maneuver. Useful only if you're pitching for the 1919 White Sox.

This is getting so bad that I miss that little fucker.  Which makes you feel about on par with reminiscing about that romantic evening that you got hammered, attended a donkey show in juarez, and then asked for the lovely lady's numero de telephono poist beast coitus.  NTTAWWT.

[Phil_in_CS]

If you love the sound of the crack of the bat, you really should be at Wrigley today.  -alysonfooter

[JackAstro]

One too many CLAP's there, big guy.  It's: CLAP, CLAP, CLAP-CLAP-CLAP, CLAP, CLAP..., CLAP-CLAP.

How dare you. Crowd-pandering has no place in dugout chatter. Those claps are evenly spaced, thankyouverymuch.

[Taras Bulba]

This is getting so bad that I miss that little fucker.  Which makes you feel about on par with reminiscing about that romantic evening that you got hammered, attended a donkey show in juarez, and then asked for the lovely lady's numero de telephono poist beast coitus.  NTTAWWT.

That would make a beautiful Hallmark card.

[moriartp]

poist beast coitus

Favorite 3-word combination of the day.

[MusicMan]

Favorite 3-word combination of the day.

"Hampton, Ortiz released" would beat it.

[austro]

Favorite 3-word combination of the day.

Better than "Fuck the Cubs"? Which, when you think about it, is not all that far removed from "poist beast coitus".

[SaltyParker]

it's raining line drives here at Wrigley field today........JD

[homer]

"Hampton, Ortiz released" would beat it.

You are going to make Ortiz cry.

[Phil_in_CS]

...and in other news, lightning hit a fertilizer plant in Bryan, massive explosion and evacuations. We heard the explosion at the office and we have to be 6+ miles away. Wind is blowing the other way for now.

[Noe]

McTaggert is implying Sampson may do something here against Soriano (re: dot him)

[Noe]

Okay, so instead he walks him on four pitches.  Nice!

[MusicMan]

Also: Ortiz hasn't won a start since April 26.

[BudGirl]

wow, this game is only in the bottom of the 6th?  I guess that's right for a little over 2 hours, but seems like it is taking forever for the astros to start the rally to win.

[JaneDoe]

For those watching the game--is Sampson just throwing meatballs up there?

[MusicMan]

What makes you think anyone is watching the game?

[JaneDoe]

What makes you think anyone is watching the game?

Well, someone needs to laugh at JD's jokes. 

[MusicMan]

Well, someone needs to laugh at JD's jokes. 

That's why Brownie makes the big bucks.

[BudGirl]

brownies sound good right about now.  warm with some vanilla ice cream.

[JaneDoe]

That's why Brownie makes the big bucks.

I wouldn't call Brown's laugh a laugh.  It is more of a chuckle.

[JaneDoe]

brownies sound good right about now.  warm with some vanilla ice cream.

Yes they do.  Got some?

[BudGirl]

not yet, but will either tonight or tomorrow evening.  gotta have something to off set the naked sunburn.

[JaneDoe]

gotta have something to off set the naked sunburn.

Do I want to ask?

[accougars]

I didn't think you would come back after your 5 infielder comment and the resulting ridicule.

WOW! You actually recall that? You really need to get a girl my friend!

[BudGirl]

Do I want to ask?

it's a drink

http://www.happy-hour.com/view_recipe.php?id=5231

[BatGirl]

Do I want to ask?

i do!

[BudGirl]

2 out rally going to happen???

[BudGirl]

guess not.

final:
astros 3, cubs 12

[BatGirl]

it's a drink

http://www.happy-hour.com/view_recipe.php?id=5231

you are making this?
and brownies?
what are you doing later?

[BudGirl]

you are making this?
and brownies?
what are you doing later?

i'm doing the baking, christine is in charge of drinks.  want to come with us saturday?

[BatGirl]

i'm doing the baking, christine is in charge of drinks.  want to come with us saturday?

what would i be in charge of?

[BudGirl]

what would i be in charge of?

holding the tube with the cooler and sunburns.

[BatGirl]

holding the tube with the cooler and sunburns.

i'm checking my schedule...

[JaneDoe]

i'm doing the baking, christine is in charge of drinks.  want to come with us saturday?

Where are you going?

[BudGirl]

tubing on the comal

[JaneDoe]

tubing on the comal

Crap.  I knew that.  Didn't know it was Saturday.