Manny Ramirez to be suspended for PADs

[HudsonHawk]

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-manny-ramirez8-2009may08,0,6324894.story

Hadn't seen this here yet, but wow. 

[Ron Brand]

I hope he's suspended without pay.

[JimR]

WOW, is right! there will be riots in East LA.

[MRaup]

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-manny-ramirez8-2009may08,0,6324894.story

Hadn't seen this here yet, but wow. 

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

[JaneDoe]

I hope he's suspended without pay.

The suspension will cost Ramirez $7.7 million, or roughly 31% of his $25-million salary. Players in violation of baseball's drug policy are not paid during suspensions.

[Astros Fan in Big D]

That's just Manny being Barry.

[GreatBagwellsBeard]

How stupid would he have to be to keep juicing after signing that huge contract, and after seeing what happened to A-Rod?  Oh wait, we're talking about Manny.  Nevermind.

If I'm Theo Epstein, this is what I'm doing right now.

[hostros7]

Would probably would be the least of his worries if they ever took a sample of that nappy hair.  There goes the argument that he's one of the best "pure" hitters ever to play the game.  Next up that charlatan Pujols.

[Reuben]

You know, Biggio was often criticized by media pundits for his pads, but he never got suspended for them...

[austro]

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-manny-ramirez8-2009may08,0,6324894.story

Hadn't seen this here yet, but wow. 

"This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Perhaps we should shoot him." [/ruthless people]

[Houston]

Jose Canseco actually said he thought the reason Manny wasn't able to get a long-term contract is because the owners knew he was on the juice.

If this suspension costs Manny 31% of his salary, I think it should also cost Scott Boros 31% of his commission. He also profited from Manny's law-breaking.

[pravata]

Dear MLB,

Please remove 1 homerun from my season total.

Sincerely,
Roy Oswalt

P.S.
I'm keeping the strikeout.

[MusicMan]

Dear MLB,

Please remove 1 homerun from my season total.

Sincerely,
Roy Oswalt

P.S.
I'm keeping the strikeout.

Nominated.

[JaneDoe]

MLB network blurb

MLB has confirmed.  Official release

WOW.  JUST. WOW.

[Duman]

If I was the headline writer for the paper:

Manny Sits His Fanny

[94CougarGrad]

Fifty games. Wow. Now that's a man ram.

[Jacksonian]

If I was the headline writer for the paper:

Manny Sits His Fanny

Or, Manny takes it in the Fanny.

[Tralfaz]

Bret Favre is so pissed.

[Fredia]

now this is out who will be next and everyone with a big neck and bulging eyes will be suspect

[moriartp]

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!


(to the general situation and to the puns. well done, folks.)

[Mr. Happy]

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Fuck you Manny.

[Russe]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

"LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said."

Between this and Joba's mom busted for slinging meth, this has been one weird-ass week for baseball.

[MRaup]

now this is out who will be next and everyone with a big neck and bulging eyes will be suspect

So anyone sitting on the can is a roids suspect?

[TheWizard]

From his statement, sounds like it was a prescribed medication that he's claiming wasn't roids.  It'll be interesting.  But he is waiving his right to appeal.  Manny being Manny.

[pravata]

From his statement, sounds like it was a prescribed medication that he's claiming wasn't roids.  It'll be interesting.  But he is waiving his right to appeal.  Manny being Manny.

Because with an appeal, there would come details.

[JimR]

So anyone sitting on the can is a roids suspect?

i did not know whether to laugh or gag at this.

[MRaup]

i did not know whether to laugh or gag at this.

As long as you're not in said can, laughing is the appropriate response.

If you ARE in the can, gagging comes naturally.

[Craig]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

"LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said."

Between this and Joba's mom busted for slinging meth, this has been one weird-ass week for baseball.

It's kind of ironic that Dreamboat Manny got busted for using boner pills, when any baseball game on TV will have advertisements for them.

[Rebel Jew]

in related news, jose canseco is going to fight 8 foot-tall korean kickboxer hong man choi in a japanese mma match:
http://www.sherdog.com/news/news/jose-canseco-to-collide-with-choi-in-super-hulk-tournament-17245

this is bizarre in a lot of ways because choi, though a bit of a freak show, can actually fight and will pulverize someone like canseco if he doesn't really know how to fight:

this is a picture of choi (on the right):
http://fiveouncesofpain.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/fedor_vs_choi.jpg

this is choi fighting fedor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DP3QzX1ZadJM

jose canseco:
http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/jose-canseco-an-mma-star.jpg

[pravata]

... will pulverize someone like canseco if he doesn't really know how to fight:

Last fight for Canseco was against Danny Bonaduce.  It ended in a draw.

[JimR]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

"LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said."

Between this and Joba's mom busted for slinging meth, this has been one weird-ass week for baseball.

i'd rather hear from "a source close to MLB" on this one.

[Savage]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

"LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said."

Between this and Joba's mom busted for slinging meth, this has been one weird-ass week for baseball.

On ESPN they're claiming it's an estrogen-based women's fertility substance that is commonly used to re-start the body AFTER a steroid cycle.

[Matt]

in related news, jose canseco is going to fight 8 foot-tall korean kickboxer hong man choi in a japanese mma match:
http://www.sherdog.com/news/news/jose-canseco-to-collide-with-choi-in-super-hulk-tournament-17245

this is bizarre in a lot of ways because choi, though a bit of a freak show, can actually fight and will pulverize someone like canseco if he doesn't really know how to fight:

this is a picture of choi (on the right):
http://fiveouncesofpain.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/fedor_vs_choi.jpg

this is choi fighting fedor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DP3QzX1ZadJM

jose canseco:
http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/jose-canseco-an-mma-star.jpg

Jesus Christ! That dude is massive. It almost looks photoshopped.

[MusicMan]

On ESPN they're claiming it's an estrogen-based women's fertility substance

So why didn't A-Rod get busted for this?

[strosrays]

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ys-ramirezsuspension050709&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

"LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said."

Wait a minute.  He got fifty games for Spanish fly??

[Jacksonian]

So why didn't A-Rod get busted for this?

A-Rod produces his naturally.

[Mr. Happy]

Wait a minute.  He got fifty games for Spanish fly??

Big League Baseball doesn't want the performance of ANY bat enhanced.

[Russe]

Big League Baseball doesn't want the performance of ANY bat enhanced.

That said, isn't the penalty for corking the bat only 10 games?

[MusicMan]

Wait a minute.  He got fifty games for Spanish fly??

Él rompió la regla de infield volar.

[Holly]

So anyone sitting on the can is a roids suspect?

Ster- or hemorrh-?

[MusicMan]

Ster- or hemorrh-?

Matsui's game Preparation is his own business.

[Col. Sphinx Drummond]

I'm real busy, could someone just give me the extra normal recap version?

[Craig]

I'm real busy, could someone just give me the extra normal recap version?

Dreamboat Manny suspended 50 games for using a banned estrogen fertility drug. Vegas has already set a line on whether the suspension will be increased or decreased. The current betting line has the udder at 40 games, and the ovary at 60 games.

[JimR]

Dreamboat Manny suspended 50 games for using a banned estrogen fertility drug. Vegas has already set a line on whether the suspension will be increased or decreased. The current betting line has the udder at 40 games, and the ovary at 60 games.

Manny irritably refused to comment, citing "the time of the month."

[Mr. Happy]

Manny irritably refused to comment, citing "the time of the month."

Nominated. Damn Jim, you're on a friggin' roll! I'm laughing my ass off over here.

[94CougarGrad]

Manny irritably refused to comment, citing "the time of the month."

At least he's got time for the Pamp'rin that his body so desperately needs right now.

[geezerdonk]

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

I agree although it is a sin to be gleeful on account of another's misfortune - so a little extra time in confession and a little extra penance.

[MusicMan]

I agree although it is a sin to be gleeful on account of another's misfortune - so a little extra time in confession and a little extra penance.

I'll bring my rosary to the game tonight.

[OregonStrosFan]

On ESPN they're claiming it's an estrogen-based women's fertility substance

So I guess this means that Boras was pitching?

[otterjb]

after reading the subject line, I first thought this was going to be an Onion article about Manny and maxi-pads.

[jonbloozy]

"LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

So, according these sources it was human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG).  

HCG is a women's fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body's natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. It is similar to Clomid, the drug Bonds, Giambi and others used as clients of BALCO.

Other interesting part of the story,

Last fall, Canseco pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor offense of trying to bring HCG across the border from Mexico and was sentenced to 12 months' unsupervised probation. A self-admitted and longtime steroids user, Canseco said he sought the drug to try and restore his testosterone level.

So is this really legal, with a prescription?

[Holly]

So, according these sources it was human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG).  

HCG is a women's fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body's natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. It is similar to Clomid, the drug Bonds, Giambi and others used as clients of BALCO.

Other interesting part of the story,

Last fall, Canseco pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor offense of trying to bring HCG across the border from Mexico and was sentenced to 12 months' unsupervised probation. A self-admitted and longtime steroids user, Canseco said he sought the drug to try and restore his testosterone level.

So is this really legal, with a prescription?

That's the hormone which is monitored to determine pregnancy. It's also kind of a new "craze" for weight loss.

[Arky Vaughan]

That's the hormone which is monitored to determine pregnancy. It's also kind of a new "craze" for weight loss.

"Here, Manny. Pee on this stick and tell me if you see a blue line."

[Holly]

"Here, Manny. Pee on this stick and tell me if you see a blue line."

Yup, Dodger blue.

[JaneDoe]

"Here, Manny. Pee on this stick and tell me if you see a blue line."

Its a MIRACLE!!

[94CougarGrad]

Its a MIRACLE!!

So much for divine contraception.

[jonbloozy]

Astros react

"I don't know exactly what he tested positive for, but I heard from a reliable source that it was not for a steroid, but for a masking agent for a steroid," Berkman said. "If you're taking masking agents, it's not shocking that you would not test positive 15 times in a row. I don't know. I'm no chemist. Actually, I think Rice has some Nobel Prize winners in chemistry. But I didn't hang out with them while I was there."

[94CougarGrad]

Astros react

"I don't know exactly what he tested positive for, but I heard from a reliable source that it was not for a steroid, but for a masking agent for a steroid," Berkman said. "If you're taking masking agents, it's not shocking that you would not test positive 15 times in a row. I don't know. I'm no chemist. Actually, I think Rice has some Nobel Prize winners in chemistry. But I didn't hang out with them while I was there."

I couldn't believe that quote was in the article. I had to click on the link and read it for myself. I humbly apologize, and will never doubt again.

[jonbloozy]

I couldn't believe that quote was in the article. I had to click on the link and read it for myself. I humbly apologize, and will never doubt again.

I don't know if it was me or the quote, but most of what I post is bullshit, so I don't blame you.

[94CougarGrad]

I don't know if it was me or the quote, but most of what I post is bullshit, so I don't blame you.

The quote. I was incredulous at Twinkie, not at you.

[chuck]

Astros react

"I don't know exactly what he tested positive for, but I heard from a reliable source that it was not for a steroid, but for a masking agent for a steroid," Berkman said. "If you're taking masking agents, it's not shocking that you would not test positive 15 times in a row. I don't know. I'm no chemist. Actually, I think Rice has some Nobel Prize winners in chemistry. But I didn't hang out with them while I was there."

Berkman's quote is eerily similar to what Berkman told TTB when Todd asked him if he'd ever taken any classes taught by Todd's father, who was a professor of at Rice when Berkman was there. TTB Sr was a professor of philosophy if I'm not mistaken. TTB Sr may still be teaching at Rice, I don't know. All I know is that Lance never got close to his classroom unless by some terrifying accident.

[Lurch]

At least one Bo Sox fan less smug...

We look at the 2004 banner again. I always thought that, for the rest of my life, I would look at that banner and think only good thoughts. Now, there's a mental asterisk that won't go away. I wish I could take a pill to shake it from my brain. I see 2004 and 2007, and think of Manny and Papi first and foremost. The modern-day Ruth and Gehrig. One of the great one-two punches in sports history. Were they cheating the whole time? Was Pedro cheating, too? That 2004 banner makes me think of these things now. I wish it didn't, but it does. This makes me sad. This makes me profoundly sad.

[Andyzipp]

At least one Bo Sox fan less smug...

Wow.  The modern-day Ruth and Gehrig?  Since I know he's only talking (with a complete lack of perspective) about offense...How about the modern-day Strawberry/Carter?

[Gizzmonic]

Now, there's a mental asterisk that won't go away. I wish I could take a pill to shake it from my brain.

Ladies: do you suffer from never-ending mental asterisks?  Tried everything, but still can't shake them from your brain?  Try new PADs, from Kotex!  Kotex: We've handled periods, now we're taking on asterisks.™

[Outlawscotty]

I wish I could take a pill to shake it from my brain.

How ironic...

[JackAstro]

At least one Bo Sox fan less smug...

I'm glad that I find Simmons to be so full of shit, because if I identified with his thinking then I might be having contrived inner dialogs with my future-son about the legitimacy of the Astros' NL pennant, simply because Rajah was most likely a cheating asshat for some portion of his career. I will happily spare all of you from that.

[Clark in Denver]

Now we know where the true blame lies:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/manny_ramirez_am_i_in_trouble?utm_source=a-section

[Bench]

Now we know where the true blame lies:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/manny_ramirez_am_i_in_trouble?utm_source=a-section

That's awesome.

"If something is really messed up, I didn't do it, okay? It wasn't me. It was probably Brad," said Ramirez, attempting to deflect blame onto Dodgers catcher Brad Ausmus. "He's no good. I do not like him. He should be in trouble, not me."

[austro]

Now he'll have BudGirl after him, too.