New lows in writing incompetence

[MusicMan]

From Chris(tina) Kahrl at BP:

Chad Paronto seems like a lock to win one spot in the pen, and Danny Graves—no, really—seems to have dug his way back out of retirement long enough to be taken seriously.

At least this is just completely misinformed.

As much as I loathe the idle jabbering about contraction—and the self-centered kleptomaniacal grabbery among fandom that it represents, as people bleat over how much they covet the players on other fans' teams, to the point of extermination—it's hard to argue that the Astros are involved in seriously operating a competitive team as opposed to giving Lance Berkman and Roy Oswalt (and Lee, and Pence, and then we start getting in trouble) a full slate of teammates to play with.

Typically I would just shake this off with "fuck off, you have no clue what they're doing.  They were in the playoff hunt until a hurricane knocked them out."

Instead, she IMMEDIATELY contradicts herself - the next sentence!

As easy as it is to bash Ed Wade about the state of the present—and to perhaps be irked by some of his preferences—keep in mind that it was going to get really ugly very fast no matter who replaced Tim Purpura, and that the real measure by which to keep score following the Astros isn't what happens among the expendables on the big-league roster in the present, but how effectively they turn things around on the player development side of the equation.

So you understand the rpoblem, and yet still have the nerve to say that they are not seriously trying to compete?!?!?!

There is no reason to ever take seriously one word that this man/woman/whatever writes.

[Arky Vaughan]

From Chris(tina) Kahrl at BP:

At least this is just completely misinformed.

Typically I would just shake this off with "fuck off, you have no clue what they're doing.  They were in the playoff hunt until a hurricane knocked them out."

Instead, she IMMEDIATELY contradicts herself - the next sentence!

So you understand the rpoblem, and yet still have the nerve to say that they are not seriously trying to compete?!?!?!

There is no reason to ever take seriously one word that this man/woman/whatever writes.

Last night, for the first time in years, I tried to get through a couple of articles in the latest edition of BP. The writing is so obnoxiously tendentious that it's a chore to read. Whatever one thinks of Bill James' ideas, he's very readable. I don't see much redeeming quality in BP in terms of form or substance. I keep telling myself, these are stat geeks, I should enjoy this, but I just can't bring myself to muddle through.

[Ron Brand]

I feel the same way. They've gotten lost in their own world and they don't seem to be able to get out. In the beginning they had to work at showing how their thoughts and conclusions REALLY DID MATTER and YES, THEY ARE BASED IN TRUTH but now it's more of a closed loop based on their own chatter amongst themselves and their new round of disciples. If I want interesting number games I can go to SABR; BP used to give you new ways to look at phenomena but now it's a lot of self-congratulatory numeric masturbation.

[JimR]

I agree with everything you guys say and want to add that the writing about the Astros always seems to be very mean-spirited. I read the annual on my ST trip each year to learn some facts about the hordes of players we see. I could barely get through this year's chapter on Houston.

[MusicMan]

I honestly think someone with the Astros really pissed in the Cheerios of the BP folks.  Given his accumen and the fact that he will not suffer fools lightly, I think Tal's the most likely candidate.

I agree with Jim - you can dig through the annual to get info on lesser-known players, but it's become more and more a mean-spirited circle jerk.

[pravata]

I honestly think someone with the Astros really pissed in the Cheerios of the BP folks.  Given his accumen and the fact that he will not suffer fools lightly, I think Tal's the most likely candidate.

I agree with Jim - you can dig through the annual to get info on lesser-known players, but it's become more and more a mean-spirited circle jerk.

If only it were just BP.  Looking for reliable information on the state of or the plans of the Astros (certain parts of this site excepted) has become very discouraging.

[Gizzmonic]

I honestly think someone with the Astros really pissed in the Cheerios of the BP folks.  Given his accumen and the fact that he will not suffer fools lightly, I think Tal's the most likely candidate.

I agree with Jim - you can dig through the annual to get info on lesser-known players, but it's become more and more a mean-spirited circle jerk.

If there's one thing that drives me away from circle jerks, it's mean-spiritedness.

[Ron Brand]

If there's one thing that drives me away from circle jerks, it's mean-spiritedness.

Nice to see that you have some standards.

[strosrays]

I honestly think someone with the Astros really pissed in the Cheerios of the BP folks.  Given his accumen and the fact that he will not suffer fools lightly, I think Tal's the most likely candidate.

If Smith'd hired Jackoff-zilla when he had the chance, everything would be okay.  But, no.

[BlownRanger]

The national media has, by and large, hated the Astros for the last four or five years.  I'm not sure why, but I suspect it has something to do with the organization having the nerve to sign The Rocket after his triumphant Yankee Retirement Tour.  Either that, or the fact that the Astros have made a habit of annually making fools of media prognosticators.

[Andyzipp]

The national media has, by and large, hated the Astros for the last four or five years.  I'm not sure why, but I suspect it has something to do with the organization having the nerve to sign The Rocket after his triumphant Yankee Retirement Tour.  Either that, or the fact that the Astros have made a habit of annually making fools of media prognosticators.

BP, specifically, has been pissing on the Astros since they reacquired Brad Ausmus and then signed Charley Hayes and later Jose Vizciano.  It was exactly the opposite of what BP considers sound franchise-running philosophy.  As in, why overpay for a veteran, when a AAA player can get you the same results?  Nevermind the development of that AAA player or the ability to sit and hit that an older veteran likely brings.

In 1998, BP loved the Astros.

[Ron Brand]

BP aside, I think the national media doesn't hate the Astros, they just don't care and won't take the time to look at them seriously, since there are no big-market angles for them to stoke. No prima donnas or flakes on a Yankee scale.

[Limey]

BP aside, I think the national media doesn't hate the Astros, they just don't care and won't take the time to look at them seriously, since there are no big-market angles for them to stoke. No prima donnas or flakes on a Yankee scale.

Right.  Of the Astros' franchise players of the recent past, all they could really write was "got a hit, got a run, made a play, got muddy".  I believe about 90% of the controversy lumped on the team was manufactured, and JdJO manufactured about 90% of that.  The closest the team has come to a true issue, from what I can recall, is Miggy's PED abuse - which was nipped in the bud before it got legs.  That, and an association with the Brokeback Yankees.

Boring stuff, if your main focus isn't baseball.

[Andyzipp]

Right.  Of the Astros' franchise players of the recent past, all they could really write was "got a hit, got a run, made a play, got muddy".  I believe about 90% of the controversy lumped on the team was manufactured, and JdJO manufactured about 90% of that.  The closest the team has come to a true issue, from what I can recall, is Miggy's PED abuse - which was nipped in the bud before it got legs.  That, and an association with the Brokeback Yankees.

Boring stuff, if your main focus isn't baseball.

And that whole pitcher strangles GM thing.

[Limey]

And that whole pitcher strangles GM thing.

I had forgotten that and, once again, it was nipped in the bud before it became a scandal.  See Lugo, Julio.

[matadorph]

If Smith'd hired Jackoff-zilla when he had the chance, everything would be okay.  But, no.

Speaking of which, today I took a peek at that other board for the first time in a very long time and was immediately reminded why it's best to just stay away. That Barzilla guy is a fuckin stooge.

In a thread about Pudge and the pitching staff, one of the posters asked if, ya know, Ed Wade might have a keen eye for undervalued talent. Maybe Ed Wade actually knows baseball? (Crazy thought!)

Douchezilla's response:

I have no doubt that our management guys are the smartest guys in the room since Smith, Clack, Bob, and BSB haven't been in the room with them. I've been in the same room as Tal Smith and don't want to say I'm smarter than he is by any estimation, but maybe it is more the inability to adapt to new methodology. More importantly, where do they compare with the baseball guys at the Winter Meetings and on conference calls. It really hurts when you are the second smartest guy in the room.

Apologies for the quote, but sometimes you just have to point and laugh.

[JimR]

Speaking of which, today I took a peek at that other board for the first time in a very long time and was immediately reminded why it's best to just stay away. That Barzilla guy is a fuckin stooge.

In a thread about Pudge and the pitching staff, one of the posters asked if, ya know, Ed Wade might have a keen eye for undervalued talent. Maybe Ed Wade actually knows baseball? (Crazy thought!)

Douchezilla's response:

Apologies for the quote, but sometimes you just have to point and laugh.

unbelieveable self-absorbed idiocy

[MusicMan]

entirely believeable self-absorbed idiocy

FIFY

[geezerdonk]

unbelieveable self-absorbed idiocy

Whatever. He has great conference call skills.
Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

[Limey]

FIFY

How can you claim to "fix it", when you did not insert the noun "fuckwit" in there anywhere?

[Arky Vaughan]

I have no doubt that our management guys are the smartest guys in the room since Smith, Clack, Bob, and BSB haven't been in the room with them. I've been in the same room as Tal Smith and don't want to say I'm smarter than he is by any estimation, but maybe it is more the inability to adapt to new methodology. More importantly, where do they compare with the baseball guys at the Winter Meetings and on conference calls. It really hurts when you are the second smartest guy in the room.

I saw Tal Smith at the Fuddrucker's on the Katy Freeway near the Beltway the other day. I assume Barzilla wasn't there, since I didn't see any jackasses going table to table asking to compare IQs with the other diners.

[Limey]

I saw Tal Smith at the Fuddrucker's on the Katy Freeway near the Beltway the other day. I assume Barzilla wasn't there, since I didn't see any jackasses going table to table asking to compare IQs with the other diners.

Was Tal able to build his burger without input from Barzilla?

[Andyzipp]

Was Tal able to build his burger without input from Barzilla?

He was, but he ignored new methodologies for constructing his burger.  Even though Fuddruckers offers buffalo and turkey as meat options, Tal stayed with beef.  He also foolishly paid for cheese, even though it would be more cost effective to just use the cheese available on the condiment bar.

[Arky Vaughan]

Was Tal able to build his burger without input from Barzilla?

Tal was just milling about the video games area looking at the shiny lights until someone wiped the drool off his chin and showed him where to stand in line to order.

[EasTexAstro]

He was, but he ignored new methodologies for constructing his burger.  Even though Fuddruckers offers buffalo and turkey as meat options, Tal stayed with beef.  He also foolishly paid for cheese, even though it would be more cost effective to just use the cheese available on the condiment bar.

He was looking for cheese to fill a certain roll on the hamburger. He needed a cheese to be able to step in at the right moment...a seasoned cheese for a certain purpose. The cheese on the bar probably would be better served by being an every day part of the meal rather than just sitting around.

[Noe]

I don't think it's important what Tal's performance in ordering a burger might be compared to me, that is a no-brainer given my burger ordering acumen.  It is more important how Tal performs against other Baseball Operations men while at said Fuddruckers.  Of course, that would be a sight too, seeing all those guys sitting in one long table evaluating their 1/2 pounders with the different pile ons and then beginning discussion on trades for someone else's burger.

"I tell you what, if you'll trade me your burger, I'll throw in the fries and some pico on the side... deal?"

[Andyzipp]

I don't think it's important what Tal's performance in ordering a burger might be compared to me, that is a no-brainer given my burger ordering acumen.  It is more important how Tal performs against other Baseball Operations men while at said Fuddruckers.  Of course, that would be a sight too, seeing all those guys sitting in one long table evaluating their 1/2 pounders with the different pile ons and then beginning discussion on trades for someone else's burger.

"I tell you what, if you'll trade me your burger, I'll throw in the fries and some pico on the side... deal?"

Where's the value in that?  The fries are bottomless.  Although I suppose if he was on his game, he could get something of value for free fries.

[MusicMan]

People are raving about Billy Beane's ability to stay nourished on a menu of appetizers, but he demurs that his shit doesn't work when it comes to dessert.

[Lurch]

And now I'll be going to Fuddrucker's for lunch.  Assholes.

[Noe]

Where's the value in that?  The fries are bottomless.  Although I suppose if he was on his game, he could get something of value for free fries.

True, I also question Tal's believe that milk shakes are a good leadoff for the meal.  I actually would hit the burger first, high protein stats will tell you that right away, and then proceed with the rest of the meal.

[Arky Vaughan]

And now I'll be going to Fuddrucker's for lunch.  Assholes.

I believe compliments and thanks are in order for steering you in the right direction.

[MusicMan]

BP questions whether the Astros are truly committed to building a meal.  Meanwhile, the Nationals are requiring kickbacks from farmers to get their cows considered for future burgers, while they continue ordering nothing but fucking soyburgers in the actual restaurant.

[Arky Vaughan]

Speaking of which, if you haven't tried Five Guys, you should. They started in Northern Virginia several years ago and spread south and west. They opened in Conroe and Rosenberg a few months ago, which was a bit of a haul, but now have locations on the Katy Freeway at Bunker Hill, Voss at San Felipe and Eldridge at Briar First. A mighty fine burger, indeed.

[Noe]

BP questions whether the Astros are truly committed to building a meal.  Meanwhile, the Nationals are requiring kickbacks from farmers to get their cows considered for future burgers, while they continue ordering nothing but fucking soyburgers in the actual restaurant.

What does BP know, they actually go against the idea that the chocolate chip cookie makes for a great closer for the meal.

[subnuclear]

Speaking of which, if you haven't tried Five Guys, you should. They started in Northern Virginia several years ago and spread south and west. They opened in Conroe and Rosenberg a few months ago, which was a bit of a haul, but now have locations on the Katy Freeway at Bunker Hill, Voss at San Felipe and Eldridge at Briar First. A mighty fine burger, indeed.

I endorse this opinion.  

[Ty in Tampa]

Speaking of which, if you haven't tried Five Guys, you should. They started in Northern Virginia several years ago and spread south and west. They opened in Conroe and Rosenberg a few months ago, which was a bit of a haul, but now have locations on the Katy Freeway at Bunker Hill, Voss at San Felipe and Eldridge at Briar First. A mighty fine burger, indeed.

I concur. We have a few of them here and I have to force myself to stay away. Like Whataburger.

[Houston]

Speaking of which, if you haven't tried Five Guys, you should. They started in Northern Virginia several years ago and spread south and west. They opened in Conroe and Rosenberg a few months ago, which was a bit of a haul, but now have locations on the Katy Freeway at Bunker Hill, Voss at San Felipe and Eldridge at Briar First. A mighty fine burger, indeed.

Five Guys is ok, but I'd still take Fuddruckers higher in the draft (as long as Scott Boros isn't the one serving).

[Noe]

Five Guys is ok, but I'd still take Fuddruckers higher in the draft (as long as Scott Boros isn't the one serving).

This weekend I was reminded that Charlies Hamburgers still exist in Houston.  It reminded me of the days where ambience, humor and hit and run meals were the object of a good burger meal.  I fear many of the oversized burgers nowadays are nothing but steriod produced offerings and have robbed the burger fan from the true essence of the meal.

[Ron Brand]

I might even go over slot money for Fuddrucker's, but not for Five Guys.

[homer]

I might even go over slot money for Fuddrucker's, but not for Five Guys.

Yeah, but Fuddrucker's still requires development to get to the big show. Five Guys comes ready to play and can be ordered as a true five tool burger.

[MusicMan]

I might even go over slot money for Fuddrucker's, but not for Five Guys.

Dude, you should have seen the ruckus that broke out when Cashman ordered a 1 pounder.  It wasnt pretty.

[Ebby Calvin]

Dude, you should have seen the ruckus that broke out when Cashman ordered a 1 pounder.  It wasnt pretty.

I assume he overpaid for it.

[Houston]

Yeah, but Fuddrucker's still requires development to get to the big show. Five Guys comes ready to play and can be ordered as a true five tool burger.

Who are the five tools -- Boros, Epstein, Cashman, Angelos, and A-Rod?

[Arky Vaughan]

I concur. We have a few of them here and I have to force myself to stay away. Like Whataburger.

Among the best burgers in Tampa, according to the news clippings on the wall.

[homer]

Among the best burgers in Tampa, according to the news clippings on the wall.

The have the same clippings in Alexandria, VA. And Georgetown. They might be on to something.

[Ty in Tampa]

Among the best burgers in Tampa, according to the news clippings on the wall.

The alt.rag here in Tampa had a best burger bracket about a year ago and Five Guys came out on top. I don't necessarily agree but it's a mighty tasty burger.

[Lurch]

Speaking of which, if you haven't tried Five Guys, you should. They started in Northern Virginia several years ago and spread south and west. They opened in Conroe and Rosenberg a few months ago, which was a bit of a haul, but now have locations on the Katy Freeway at Bunker Hill, Voss at San Felipe and Eldridge at Briar First. A mighty fine burger, indeed.

In NW Austin, the Rudy's guys opened up their own burger chain, "Mighty Fine Burgers"

[BizidyDizidy]

If you like the smaller patty style burger, you owe it to yourself to try Christian's in Houston (just north of I-10 on Washington). Excellent.

[BudGirl]

I've been to the one in mid-town, it's okay.  I've heard the one on 10 is much better.

[Limey]

Speaking of which, if you haven't tried Five Guys, you should. They started in Northern Virginia several years ago and spread south and west. They opened in Conroe and Rosenberg a few months ago, which was a bit of a haul, but now have locations on the Katy Freeway at Bunker Hill, Voss at San Felipe and Eldridge at Briar First. A mighty fine burger, indeed.

Shut the fuck up, Donny Arky.

[Bench]

I've been to the one in mid-town, it's okay.  I've heard the one on 10 is much better.

What you hear is correct.  The one in mid-town is very inconsistent.  If it's a weekday lunch, you're better driving right past it to Lankford's.

While I'm usually a straight cheeseburger guy, Hubcap Grill in downtown has some fantastic "specialty" burgers.  Their muffaletta burger is fantastic, as is the philly burger.  It's a great cheap (cash only) greasy lunch spot if you're down by the courthouse. 

[BudGirl]

What you hear is correct.  The one in mid-town is very inconsistent.  If it's a weekday lunch, you're better driving right past it to Lankford's.

While I'm usually a straight cheeseburger guy, Hubcap Grill in downtown has some fantastic "specialty" burgers.  Their muffaletta burger is fantastic, as is the philly burger.  It's a great cheap (cash only) greasy lunch spot if you're down by the courthouse. 

A great guy took me to lunch at Lankfords once.  That is a good burger.

[VirtualBob]

A great guy took me to lunch at Lankfords once.  That is a good burger.

So I guess that was before Ausmus left for the west coast?

[BudGirl]

So I guess that was before Ausmus left for the west coast?

yes, it was as a matter of fact.

[BizidyDizidy]

I haven't made it to Lankford's for burger yet; breakfast is decent though.

[Bench]

I haven't made it to Lankford's for burger yet; breakfast is decent though.

Everytime I go I almost get one of their lunch specials.  The chicken fried steak looks fantastic (assuming I have absolutely nothing to do that for the rest of that afternoon other than lie down and sweat grease).  I've also heard the enchiladas are fantastic.  But as tempted as I am, as seldom as I go there, I simply can't order anything but a cheeseburger. 

[HudsonHawk]

Everytime I go I almost get one of their lunch specials.  The chicken fried steak looks fantastic (assuming I have absolutely nothing to do that for the rest of that afternoon other than lie down and sweat grease).  I've also heard the enchiladas are fantastic.  But as tempted as I am, as seldom as I go there, I simply can't order anything but a cheeseburger. 

Speaking of enchiladas...I had some pretty good ones today at this little place in Pecos.

[Taras Bulba]

Speaking of enchiladas...I had some pretty good ones today at this little place in Pecos.

I always stop at that famous tamale place in Pecos when I'm driving through.  I also make a point to look around and marvel at the wretchedness that is Pecos.

[HudsonHawk]

I always stop at that famous tamale place in Pecos when I'm driving through.  I also make a point to look around and marvel at the wretchedness that is Pecos.

You know, some people call Pecos home.  They wouldn't like you talking like that about their little corner of Paradise.  And I don't know the tamale place, but I aim to find out.

[matadorph]

I had fruit with greek yogurt for breakfast, and I haven't had lunch yet. You guys are really starting to piss me off.

[geezerdonk]

And I don't know the tamale place, but I aim to find out.

In the meantime, have a cataloupe.

[HudsonHawk]

In the meantime, have a cataloupe.

You know, last year, they couldn't get people to pick cantaloupes, so much of the crop rotted on the vine.  I hope that doesn't happen again this year.

[Lurch]

You know, last year, they couldn't get people to pick cantaloupes, so much of the crop rotted on the vine.  I hope that doesn't happen again this year.

They're down to $.89, now.  HEB will be giving them away soon

[HudsonHawk]

They're down to $.89, now.  HEB will be giving them away soon

Not Pecos Cantaloupes.  They don't harvest until the summer.

[Outlawscotty]

I always stop at that famous tamale place in Pecos when I'm driving through.  I also make a point to look around and marvel at the wretchedness that is Pecos.

You mean the place where tacos are called burritos?  Where the green chilies tacos burritos are hotter than, well, what you should be eating?  Home of the first rodeo?  That Pecos?  I would almost move there tomorrow; if they had radio coverage, and a job I could make more than $5.00 an hour.  I love Pecos.

[Limey]

Getting back to burgers.  Check this out.  I'll be in my bunk.

[Bench]

Getting back to burgers.  Check this out.  I'll be in my bunk.

Holy shit!

Padma is smoking hot, but there's a part of me that will always be creeped out that she married Salman Rushdie. 

[jonbloozy]

Padma is smoking hot, but there's a part of me that will always be creeped out that she married Salman Rushdie. 

I remember first reading that about her.  I knew that must be a common name 'cause it just can't be the author.  Must be some other dude named Salman.

[Lurch]

I remember first reading that about her.  I knew that must be a common name 'cause it just can't be the author.  Must be some other dude named Salman.

Sal Bass

[Bench]

I remember first reading that about her.  I knew that must be a common name 'cause it just can't be the author.  Must be some other dude named Salman.

It's amazing the dismay with which that piece of information is always met.  Hot young foodie model with creepy octogenarian brilliant author actually happened.  And I cannot get it out of my mind every time I see her.  This is the world we live in.

[MusicMan]

You guys act like hot chick/ugly as hell author/musician/etc is a new phenomenon.

[Taras Bulba]

You know, some people call Pecos home.  They wouldn't like you talking like that about their little corner of Paradise.  And I don't know the tamale place, but I aim to find out.

It's "La Nortena" and it's on a side street off 285 toward New Mexico.  Worth a visit and they "sell out" so get there before late afternoon.

Pecos' sister city is in the Sunni Triangle.

[Limey]

You guys act like hot chick/ugly as hell author/musician/etc is a new phenomenon.

See Monroe, Marilyn.

[Limey]

Padma is smoking hot, but there's a part of me that will always be creeped out that she married Salman Rushdie. 

Padma is almost too hot.

[Limey]

It's amazing the dismay with which that piece of information is always met.  Hot young foodie model with creepy octogenarian brilliant author actually happened.  And I cannot get it out of my mind every time I see her.  This is the world we live in.

It's like Gilbert Goddfried said after Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett - "I was thinking that I had no shot with her.  Then she goes and marries this guy.  Boy...was I an idiot!"

[Noe]

You guys act like hot chick/ugly as hell author/musician/etc is a new phenomenon.

[raises hand]

I've written like an author before, just not well.  My wife is very attractive.

[/puts hand down]

[austro]

[raises hand]

I've written like an author before, just not well.  My wife is very attractive.

[/puts hand down]

Don't be modest. The mullet snagged her.

[Noe]

Don't be modest. The mullet snagged her.

As if. Dude, maybe she just married me so I would stop sending her 25 page love letters.  Every day.

[MRaup]

As if. Dude, maybe she just married me so I would stop sending her 25 page love letters.  Every day.

If your love letters were anything like some of your epic posts here, I don't blame her.

[Arky Vaughan]

As if. Dude, maybe she just married me so I would stop sending her 25 page love letters.  Every day.

Before the Internet, Noe, you must've posed a real threat of global deforestation.

[Noe]

Before the Internet, Noe, you must've posed a real threat of global deforestation.

I was a big hit in Oregon.  Or maybe not.

[Outlawscotty]

It's "La Nortena" and it's on a side street off 285 toward New Mexico.  Worth a visit and they "sell out" so get there before late afternoon.

Pecos' sister city is in the Sunni Triangle.

Don't they also sell their hot sauce by the Mason jar?  If this is the same place, pretty much everything is excellent.  They have no dining area from what I recall, and it looks somewhat like a meat market when you walk in.

[Arky Vaughan]

I was a big hit in Oregon.  Or maybe not.

Had Earth Day been a bigger thing then, they might have burned you in effigy (increasing your carbon footprint, ironically).