Astros @ Cubs Series Preview Posted

[MRaup]

Read it here!

[OregonStrosFan]

Excellent effort, as usual.

As for Paulino, I read that he was going to join the Express here in Portland, and am hoping to see an inning or two from him while the team is in town...

[MusicMan]

Noe, how do I get a hotkey for "Crumbling Piece of Shit Ballpark That Should Be Condemned Then Demolished"?

[BudGirl]

Thanks for the link to the 'stache picture.  I hadn't seen that.

Great job on another Cub preview. 

[JimR]

i liked the partial signature line best. good job.

[mihoba]

Fuck the Cubs.

Fuck Dempster, Ryan

And fuck these pitchers, too:

 Cotts, Neal
 Eyre, Scott
 Gaudin, Chad
 Harden, Rich
 Howry, Bob
 Lilly, Ted
 Mármol, Carlos
 Marquis, Jason
 Marshall, Sean
 Samardzija, Jeff
 Zambrano, Carlos

 Fuck these catchers:
 Blanco, Henry
 Soto, Geovany

 Fuck these infielders:
 Cedeño, Ronny
 DeRosa, Mark
 Fontenot, Mike
 Lee, Derrek
 Ramírez, Aramis
 Theriot, Ryan
 Ward, Daryle

 Fuck these outfielders:
 Edmonds, Jim
 Fukudome, Kosuke
 Johnson, Reed
 Soriano, Alfonso

 And fuck these injured Cubs, too:
 Kerry Wood
 Jon Lieber
 Chad Fox
 Ángel Guzmán

 Oh, and fuck Lou, too, and the rest of the coaches. And the fans, especially the one who will invate MMP. Fuck'em all.

[MusicMan]

Yes, fuck any cubfan who would invade where the park where the games are not being played!

mihoba's hitting it early in honor of the early start time.

[BudGirl]

You sure are going to be busy.

Fuck the Cubs.

Fuck Dempster, Ryan

And fuck these pitchers, too:

 Cotts, Neal
 Eyre, Scott
 Gaudin, Chad
 Harden, Rich
 Howry, Bob
 Lilly, Ted
 Mármol, Carlos
 Marquis, Jason
 Marshall, Sean
 Samardzija, Jeff
 Zambrano, Carlos

 Fuck these catchers:
 Blanco, Henry
 Soto, Geovany

 Fuck these infielders:
 Cedeño, Ronny
 DeRosa, Mark
 Fontenot, Mike
 Lee, Derrek
 Ramírez, Aramis
 Theriot, Ryan
 Ward, Daryle

 Fuck these outfielders:
 Edmonds, Jim
 Fukudome, Kosuke
 Johnson, Reed
 Soriano, Alfonso

 And fuck these injured Cubs, too:
 Kerry Wood
 Jon Lieber
 Chad Fox
 Ángel Guzmán

 Oh, and fuck Lou, too, and the rest of the coaches. And the fans, especially the one who will invate MMP. Fuck'em all.

[Taras Bulba]

Nice job on the hate and few things are as satisfying as seeing the cubs melt down in that piece of shit park.  That series there back in '04 always warms my heart.

[MusicMan]

You sure are going to be busy.

Well, Viagra is an official sponsor of MLB.

[Gizzmonic]

Read it here!

What was it like when the Cubs were good?  You'll have to ask this guy.

[mihoba]

Yes, fuck any cubfan who would invade where the park where the games are not being played!

mihoba's hitting it early in honor of the early start time.

I didn't want to forget those misguided baby bear bitches close to home.

[MRaup]

I didn't want to forget those misguided baby bear bitches close to home.

The best part of my whole weekend in Houston for the Astros/Cubs series was talking shit to the Houston Area Cub Fans.

[Rebel Jew]

Read it here!

Well goddamned done!  A series preview worthy of the total shittiness of the Cubs.

Douchebags, and LOTS of ‘em. Mostly with their shirts off. Welcome to Chicago.

"Hey Chase."

"Yeah Brice."

"Isn't it awesome being here at Wrigley?"

"Fuck yeah dude.  Drinkin' these Old Styles, I feel just like a poor person."

"Yeah bro.  Me too.  I think later I'm gonna buy one of those White Sox Sux/ Cardinals Swallow T-shirts."

"Sounds awesome."

"You know what I'm gonna do, Brice?"

"Yeah Chase?"

"I'm gonna call my girlfriend and remind her that I'm at the game."

[Brice calls his girlfriend, reminds her he's at the game.]

"You know what I like best about Wrigley, Chase?"

"What's that, Brice?"

"There's no black people anywhere."

"What about the players?"

"There's no black players."

"What about Derek Lee?"

"He's not black.  He's a Cubbie."

"What about Ernie Banks?"

"Who?"

"You know, that old black guy who's always walking around wearing that 'Mr. Cub' hat."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah, I think he's the groundskeeper or something.  Like that black guy in the movie Rudy.  He's been mowing the grass and saying wise things for so long, he's like part of the team."

"Yeah, he's like our mascot."

"Yeah."

"boy, i sure hope sosa goes yard today..."

[Señor Stan]

I wish I could nominate the 70s night crack for POTW.

Monday is 70’s night. Which means they’ll be pretending its only been 70 years since they were in the World Series instead of 100+.

[mihoba]

I wish I could nominate the 70s night crack for POTW.

You can do so. Just click report to moderator on the post you just made, we'll figure it out.

[Gizzmonic]

Well goddamned done!  A series preview worthy of the total shittiness of the Cubs.


"boy, i sure hope sosa goes yard today..."

Well done, Trum.  You have a singular talent for Cub-bashing.  Don't think that it goes un-noticed.

[JackAstro]

We don’t need you here, we’ve got plenty of Astros fans that are idiots.

Yes, yes. Amen.

Also... RIP, Giambi's dickduster. May we not see a cockbroom that robust for at least another 20 years.

[Matt]

ESPN did 5 minutes on mustaches this morning.  5 fucking minutes.

[BUWebguy]

ESPN did 5 minutes on mustaches this morning.  5 fucking minutes.

Not the first time.

[Gizzmonic]

ESPN did 5 minutes on mustaches this morning.  5 fucking minutes.

That's awesome!  I'd totally watch a documentary about mustaches.

[MRaup]

That's awesome!  I'd totally watch a documentary about mustaches.

Not this one, you wouldn't.

It was awful. They declared the best mustache of all time in one segment.


FUCKING GERALDO WON!

GERALDO RIVERA, the biggest fucking cocksucker this side of Cub fandom!

Why can't a hurricane hit Bristol for once?

[Gizzmonic]

No Chester A. Arthur or Nietzsche?  Not even Al Hrabosky?

Rip-off!

[MRaup]

No Chester A. Arthur or Nietzsche?  Not even Al Hrabosky?

Rip-off!

And Geraldo beat Rollie Fuckin Fingers in the first round.

Worldwide Leader in Sports my fucking ass. If the East Coast all fell in to the Ocean tomorrow, the only thing I'd miss is Steven King.

[Gizzmonic]

Hey, post number 1337 showed up as "leet."  Nice touch, Waldo!

[austro]

The ESPN guys clearly haven't seen that dude at MMPUS with the foot-long mustache.

[MRaup]

The ESPN guys clearly haven't seen that dude at MMPUS with the foot-long mustache.

You're kidding, right?

Those guys wouldn't know an awesome mustache if it started feeding them Skittles.

[Gizzmonic]

I'd just like to point out that JackAstro used the phrases "dickduster" and "cockbroom" to describe Giambi's mustache.  Bottle that up, boys, because you aren't going to get genius like that every day.

[mihoba]

I'd just like to point out that JackAstro used the phrases "dickduster" and "cockbroom" to describe Giambi's mustache.  Bottle that up, boys, because you aren't going to get genius like that every day.

Don't know about you boys, but I call my wimpy 'stash the "flavor saver."

[strosrays]

Well done, Trum.  You have a singular talent for Cub-bashing.  Don't think that it goes un-noticed.

Yes.  The Cubfucks just seem to bring out the best in everyone.

Excellent preview, as well.

Four runs over 6 and 2/3 may not sound terrible, but he was in trouble the whole game and couldn’t find the strike zone for large parts.

And this more-or-less describes a normal Backe start, no?

[Ty in Tampa]

I'd just like to point out that JackAstro used the phrases "dickduster" and "cockbroom" to describe Giambi's mustache.  Bottle that up, boys, because you aren't going to get genius like that every day.

Famous dickbrooms:

Dale Earnhardt

That Jamie dude from Mythbusters

Doug Henning

The Stranger

[Jacksonian]

Famous dickbrooms:

Dale Earnhardt

That Jamie dude from Mythbusters

Doug Henning

The Stranger

The cockduster that's landed the most tail:

Magnum

[MusicMan]

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

[MRaup]

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Mustache Wednesday sounds like a Happy Hour theme over at the Chain Drive.

[JackAstro]

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

EDSBS is a light that shines brightly on my soul. In terms of commentary and insight, it's totally useless, but with regard to making me spray coffee on my keyboard and keeping college football omnipresent in my life, it is without peer.

Also, how in the fuck has no one mentioned Freddie Mercury? His is the mustache for whom these terms were invented...

[MusicMan]

EDSBS is a light that shines brightly on my soul. In terms of commentary and insight, it's totally useless, but with regard to making me spray coffee on my keyboard and keeping college football omnipresent in my life, it is without peer.

Absolutely.  If you want CFB insight, go to Sunday Morning Quarterback (or wherever he ends up - Yahoo?)

[Gizzmonic]

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

You know, I once donned a mustache, to pose as a motivational speaker.  Then I stole the shit out of that free continental breakfast.  Take that, Ramada Inn!

[Limey]

You know, I once donned a mustache, to pose as a motivational speaker.  Then I stole the shit out of that free continental breakfast.  Take that, Ramada Inn!

Are you Dr. Galacavich?

Yes I am.

[Ty in Tampa]

Also, how in the fuck has no one mentioned Freddie Mercury? His is the mustache for whom these terms were invented...

Alright, alright...

[homer]

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Sean Connery will never look the same...

[JackAstro]

Absolutely.  If you want CFB insight, go to Sunday Morning Quarterback (or wherever he ends up - Yahoo?)

I'm convinced he's actually at least 6 people. I don't understand how any one human being can consume, analyze, and write about that much football. It would take me a stack of Tivos and a solid month of effort to get through what he does in a weekend.

[Gizzmonic]

Sean Connery will never look the same...

Oh man, you've never seen Zardoz?  Netflix that shit immediately!  It's one of those wonderful 70's movies where all the ladies don't wear shirts.  Why?  Because it's the enlightened, perfect future!  And in the enlightened, perfect future, there will be no need for brassieres or blouses.

[homer]

Oh man, you've never seen Zardoz?  Netflix that shit immediately!  It's one of those wonderful 70's movies where all the ladies don't wear shirts.  Why?  Because it's the enlightened, perfect future!  And in the enlightened, perfect future, there will be no need for brassieres or blouses.

70's gratuitous frontal nudity does it for you? Are you sure you aren't 12?

[Gizzmonic]

70's gratuitous frontal nudity does it for you? Are you sure you aren't 12?

Actually, Sean Connery in a red diaper does it for me, but I have to cover my tracks with all this talk about naked women.  There, are you happy now?

[Limey]

Actually, Sean Connery in a red diaper does it for me, but I have to cover my tracks with all this talk about naked women.  There, are you happy now?

Your beard was slipping, but it's back in place now.

[strosrays]

70's gratuitous frontal nudity does it for you? Are you sure you aren't 12?

Or 50?

[Taras Bulba]

Or 50?

Frontal nudity and leg warmers.  On top of a Monte Carlo.

[toddthebod]

I feel like at the end of this conversation, Brice is going to say "I've got a bitchin' Camaro."

Well goddamned done!  A series preview worthy of the total shittiness of the Cubs.

"Hey Chase."

"Yeah Brice."

"Isn't it awesome being here at Wrigley?"

"Fuck yeah dude.  Drinkin' these Old Styles, I feel just like a poor person."

"Yeah bro.  Me too.  I think later I'm gonna buy one of those White Sox Sux/ Cardinals Swallow T-shirts."

"Sounds awesome."

"You know what I'm gonna do, Brice?"

"Yeah Chase?"

"I'm gonna call my girlfriend and remind her that I'm at the game."

[Brice calls his girlfriend, reminds her he's at the game.]

"You know what I like best about Wrigley, Chase?"

"What's that, Brice?"

"There's no black people anywhere."

"What about the players?"

"There's no black players."

"What about Derek Lee?"

"He's not black.  He's a Cubbie."

"What about Ernie Banks?"

"Who?"

"You know, that old black guy who's always walking around wearing that 'Mr. Cub' hat."

"Oh yeah."

"Yeah, I think he's the groundskeeper or something.  Like that black guy in the movie Rudy.  He's been mowing the grass and saying wise things for so long, he's like part of the team."

"Yeah, he's like our mascot."

"Yeah."

"boy, i sure hope sosa goes yard today..."

[Lurch]

Hey, post number 1337 showed up as "leet."  Nice touch, Waldo!

I'd guess thats a little gift from the forum software developer.  In my office, we have a core tool developed internally that uses South Park characters as replacments for many icons, but only on Sunday.  Few have ever seen it.

[Andyzipp]

I feel like at the end of this conversation, Brice is going to say "I've got a bitchin' Camaro."

The Dead Milkmen would never stoop low enough to be Cubs fans.

[Gizzmonic]

The Dead Milkmen would never stoop low enough to be Cubs fans.

I heard they are playing at Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, in November.  I'll be there.  Unfortunately, the Fun Fun Fun Fest site seems to be missing a lot of info.  And you can't buy tickets yet.

[toddthebod]

The Dead Milkmen would never stoop low enough to be Cubs fans.

The Dead Milkmen were part of the Philadelphia hard core scene when I was going to Penn so I got the chance to see them a bunch of times when their first couple of albums came out.  They used to play this one fraternity house Pi Lam, which actually attracted a lot of talented bands for their parties -- especially for their Human BBQ party, which was a weekend music festival.  So one year I was down in the Pi Lam basemen getting a beer (I think the Glass Eyes or the Lyres were playing) and the dance floor actually collapsed right into the basement.  It was a miracle that no one was really hurt.  I was actually too drunk to get seriously hurt. 

[Limey]

Dead milkmen?

[MusicMan]

Dead milkmen?

Or milkmen?

[Andyzipp]

Dead Milkmen!