Pee And See ParkFriday, July 20, 6:05 p.m. CDT – FSN
Saturday, July 21, 6:15 p.m. CDT – FSN
Sunday, July 22, 12:35 p.m. CDT – FSN
Projected Matchups from Astros.comFridayRoy Oswalt (8-6, 3.90) v. Tom Gorzelanny (9-4, 3.24)
Most of the time, you’d see this match up and get excited, since this would be an almost automatic Astros win. Not this year, though. Oswalt looked downright miserable in his last start, giving up 8 earned runs in 5 and a third. Oswalt innings come more and more frequently as the season progresses this year.
This is definitely not the Roy of old. Pitching-to-contact Roy is becoming slightly annoying. Apparently, pitching to contact now means that you give up a lot of 2 out hits with runners in scoring position, and give up a lot of 0-2 base hits to otherwise shitty hitters. The last few times I’ve been to Dell Diamond, I’ve been looking around for strikes-out-15-and-takes-no-fucking-prisoners Roy. So far, I haven’t found him, but I’m not giving up hope. I saw doesn’t-pull-off-of-every-pitch-ever Jason Lane there the other day, so anything is possible.
A few Pirates have some serious success against Roy: Nate McLouth (5-10), Jack Wilson (21-57), and Freddy Sanchez (6-18).
The rest of the Roots suck against him: Ronny Paulino (1-5), Adam LaRoche (2-10), Doumit (1-5), Jose Castillo (1-14), and suckiest of all, Xavier Nady (1-17).
Gorzelanny dominated the months of April and May, sporting a 2.39 ERA and earning 6 of his 9 wins. June and July haven’t been so kind, with Tom giving up 19 earned runs in 6 starts in June, and 7 already in July through 13 innings. The hot start has kept his ERA from blowing up, but his June ERA was 4.24 and his July ERA is sitting at 4.85 after 2 starts.
The Astros have limited appearances against Gorzelanny. The guys that have had success against him: Officer Brad (4-6), Carlos Lee (2-4), Chris Burke (2-6).
Everyone else either sucks or hasn’t seen him but a few times: Bidge (2-9), Twinkie (2-9), MoBerg (2-10), and Luuuuuuke (1-5).
SaturdayWandy Rodriguez (6-8, 4.33) v Paul Maholm (5-12,4.68)
Wandy keeps on keeping on. His ERA, minus the complete game shutout against the Goddamn Mets, sits around 4.50, which is about what you expect from him. The good news is, Wandy usually bounces back strong after a bad outing (7 Earnies in 3 and a third against the Cubs). The bad news, Wandy is downright awful on the road (1-6, 7.45 ERA). So, put on your crash helmet and hope for the best.
Wandy has had some pretty good success against the Pirates batters, with a few notable exceptions: Jason Bay (9-15), and Freddy Sanchez (4-11).
The rest of the Bucs haven’t done so well in limited chances: Ryan Doumit (2-6), Nate McLouth (2-8), Nancy Wilson (3-13) and Jose Castillo (2-11).
Paul Maholm, who’s name I’m pretty sure means “thank you” in Hawaiian, has had a pretty rocky year so far. His best game by far this year happened against the Good Guys, throwing a complete game three hitter in April. Unsurprisingly, he hasn’t gone the distance against anyone else this year, and obviously hasn’t even come close to throwing another shutout. The closest he came was 7 innings of one run baseball against the then helpless Chisox in mid-June.
The Good Guys have had a lot success against Paul: Luuuuuuke (2-2), My Clam (2-3), Bidge (5-11), Munson and MoBerg (2-6), Burke (5-16).
The Astro sluggers, on the other hand, have scuffled: El Kabong (2-12), Fat Elvis (1-10).
SundayWoody Williams (4-11, 5.37) v. John Van Benschoten (0-4, 8.17)
Woody is about a dinger per game away from being around 8-7 with a 4-something ERA. His most recent home run allowed was to
Oft-Mistaken-for-Bigfoot Nationals first sacker,
Dmitri Young, putting the Nationals ahead 4-2 after the Good Guys scraped together a 2-1 lead. The Nationals would go on to win the game, 4-3. If Woody would just keep the damn ball down, he’d be serviceable at least. Instead, he keeps making mistakes up in the zone… And believe it or not, 84 mph fastballs at the letters tend to leave the ballpark more often than not.
Except for a few people, the Pirates haven’t seen much of Woody. The only guys with any serious numbers against him are Adam LaRoche, who is 2 of 13, and Jack Wilson, who is 4 of 28. Ronnie Paulino is 3 of 6 and Jason Bay is 4 of 9. That’s about it.
John VB is, to put it nicely, having a terrible year. He has made it through 6 innings once, giving up 3 runs on 3 hits. In his other 5 outings, he has thrown 5 and two thirds or less, including two stinkers in his last two starts where he couldn’t get through 3 innings. His July ERA is a mildly worrisome 14.34 from 3 starts, but I’m sure John is licking his chops at the thought of facing the Astro lineup.
Not a whole lot of exposure for the Good Guys. We all know what that means. The few at bats the Astros have against him go this way: Mike Lamb (2-5), Bidge (2-5), Twinkie (2-4), Officer Brad (1-4).
Notable giveaways this series ...
Saturday they’re giving
this away. What is it? I’m not sure. I think its Rollie Fingers in a pirate outfit.
Sunday, they’re giving kids
these horrifying things. Its also Polish day at the ballpark, so bring your best Pollack joke to the ballpark.
I think, after seeing these two give-aways, I’ve solved the mystery of why the Pirates are one of the lowest attendance teams in the league.
Injury ReportHouston –
Lidge is back! Lidge is back! Now, to get the rest of these schmoes back on track.
AE is still down with a broken leg after being hit by a dump truck in shallow left field.
Giminez is still down with a torn labia, after
Jenna Jameson surgery gone horribly wrong.
Backe, allegedly, could start his rehab assignment within the next few weeks, but that might’ve just been Richard Justice’s topic of the day at during
Polly Prissy Pants’ Tea Party.Astros.com also
reporting that Lance Berkman was almost roughed up by a bad-hopping grounder during BP on Wednesday. Nice quote, you lazy tub of goo.
Pittsburgh –
Chris “Feets Don’t Fail Me Now” Duffy is on the 15 Day DL.
So is Zach Duke, with tendonitis in his left elbow.
Jose Bautista is also on the 15 day DL after getting spiked on his left hand and requiring stitches.
Our Interesting Things To Look For- .Thank the Baseball Gods that a.) The Astros beat Tim Redding and b.) Redding doesn’t have that giant Rick White-esque Chia Goatee anymore. Redding looked like Scott Elarton Lite out there, sporting an outlaw beard/5 o'clock shadow.
- The Pirates actually made a trade with the Cubs that didn’t involve the Pirates filing a police report about. Cesar Izturis came to the Bucs for a PTBNL. Well, I guess that it still could be a pillaging. They could give the Cubs Freddy Sanchez. The same link talks about the Pirates trading away Nancy Wilson as well. What a bummer, when Nancy was left alone after her sister abandoned her, I really was overcome with sadness. Or maybe it was heartburn.
- The Mr. Potato Heads they’re giving away on Sunday are sponsored by Mrs. T’s Pierogies. I have this horrible image of Mr. T in a dress a la Mrs. Doubtfire. “I pity the foo’ that doesn’t eat my Pierogies!"
- The forces of Suck colliding, with the Astros and Pirates duking it out for the rights to get passed by Cincinnati first. The Astros are 40-45, the Pirates are 40-44 and the Reds (40-45 too) weren’t invited. Maybe we’ll see the first ever series that both teams manage to get swept at the same time. Somehow, the front-running Brewers will show up and kick everyone’s ass for 3 days.
Discuss today's game in the
GameZone.
Discuss bush neck pole smoke laws concerning your front license plate and watch Astrocreep jet up the Steps On Being a Troll
here.
And, most importantly, check out Kevin’s destruction in POTW contest this week (and ponder what kind of inflatable a man buys from a lesbian)
here.
