Author Topic: You root for you Astros, you cheer your heart out for your Astros. (Read 11021 times)

matadorph · « **on:** June 19, 2007, 11:07:23 am »

Biggioblahblahblah Lorettablahblahblahblah reverTblahblahwahwhaaaa Garnerfuckinmothefuckinblahblahblah........

TOO MUCH SECOND-GUESSING, NOT ENOUGH DRINKING.

That game was enjoyable to watch until it turned to shit in slo-mo. Let's move on and take the next two. Fuck these bitches up.

ValpoCory · « **Reply #1 on:** June 19, 2007, 11:18:48 am »

I love the Continental Airlines commercial that says "it's easier than stealing 2nd on a Wild Pitch".

Wow, that's so easy, no one in history has done it.

Gizzmonic · « **Reply #2 on:** June 19, 2007, 11:29:14 am »

Quote from: matadorph on June 19, 2007, 11:07:23 am

Biggioblahblahblah Lorettablahblahblahblah reverTblahblahwahwhaaaa Garnerfuckinmothefuckinblahblahblah........

TOO MUCH SECOND-GUESSING, NOT ENOUGH DRINKING.

That game was enjoyable to watch until it turned to shit in slo-mo. Let's move on and take the next two. Fuck these bitches up.

So rook, go fetch me a slice of Chone Figgins' taint!

Mr. Happy · « **Reply #3 on:** June 19, 2007, 11:47:54 am »

Quote from: matadorph on June 19, 2007, 11:07:23 am

Biggioblahblahblah Lorettablahblahblahblah reverTblahblahwahwhaaaa Garnerfuckinmothefuckinblahblahblah........

TOO MUCH SECOND-GUESSING, NOT ENOUGH DRINKING.

That game was enjoyable to watch until it turned to shit in slo-mo. Let's move on and take the next two. Fuck these bitches up.

I watched the good part of the game twice, but the bad part of the game only once. Did wonders for my sleep.

Alkie · « **Reply #4 on:** June 19, 2007, 01:17:58 pm »

Quote from: ValpoCory on June 19, 2007, 11:18:48 am

I love the Continental Airlines commercial that says "it's easier than stealing 2nd on a Wild Pitch".

Wow, that's so easy, no one in history has done it.

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that someone else hears this and starts to bleed from their brain and ears.

Every time it comes on, whoever is in the room with me gets asked if Continental has a single person on staff (or their ad dept) who knows fuck-all about baseball.

MRaup · « **Reply #5 on:** June 19, 2007, 01:34:19 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2007, 01:17:58 pm

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that someone else hears this and starts to bleed from their brain and ears.

Every time it comes on, whoever is in the room with me gets asked if Continental has a single person on staff (or their ad dept) who knows fuck-all about baseball.

That commercial and anything involving the Rangers boggle my mind.

MusicMan · « **Reply #6 on:** June 19, 2007, 01:38:18 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2007, 01:17:58 pm

I can't tell you how happy it makes me that someone else hears this and starts to bleed from their brain and ears.

Every time it comes on, whoever is in the room with me gets asked if Continental has a single person on staff (or their ad dept) who knows fuck-all about baseball.

Haven't the 4 Dodge questions on an endless cycle (what's your latest book? who's sloppy?) done enough to convince you that the FSN telecasts are aimed purely at the casual fan?

Alkie · « **Reply #7 on:** June 19, 2007, 01:47:59 pm »

Quote from: MusicMan on June 19, 2007, 01:38:18 pm

Haven't the 4 Dodge questions on an endless cycle (what's your latest book? who's sloppy?) done enough to convince you that the FSN telecasts are aimed purely at the casual fan?

Oh, it's SO obvious it's not even funny. And I understand that. A lot more casual fans than us lunatics.

I bet you that every single game, there are literally hundreds of Houstonians watching the Astros that night who go "no shit. Did you know Craig Beedjee-oh was so close to 3000 hits?"

dirty steve · « **Reply #8 on:** June 19, 2007, 01:54:05 pm »

...and I think they only 3 of those "your watching Houston Astros baseball on FSN Houston" clips that they rotate through of Scott, Biggio, and Everett. yet we get Rangers ads on Astros telecasts--brilliant.

mihoba · « **Reply #9 on:** June 19, 2007, 02:10:03 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 19, 2007, 01:47:59 pm

Oh, it's SO obvious it's not even funny. And I understand that. A lot more casual fans than us lunatics.

I bet you that every single game, there are literally hundreds of Houstonians watching the Astros that night who go "no shit. Did you know Craig Beedjee-oh was so close to 3000 hits?"

More like: "3,000 hits? That means he will join the likes of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio in that exclusive club."

Arky Vaughan · « **Reply #10 on:** June 19, 2007, 06:14:03 pm »

Quote from: mihoba on June 19, 2007, 02:10:03 pm

More like: "3,000 hits? That means he will join the likes of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio in that exclusive club."

You're presuming a level of knowledge of baseball history that may not be there.

gleach · « **Reply #11 on:** June 19, 2007, 10:53:32 pm »

The second base on a wild pitch thing is bad. The other one that gets me is an Astros commercial that tells you to be there when Craig Biggio breaks the record. What record? Doesn't Pete Rose hold the record? And this is coming from the Astros.

otterjb · « **Reply #12 on:** June 20, 2007, 01:37:14 am »

MAN, do you cheer

Gleek · « **Reply #13 on:** June 20, 2007, 02:07:03 am »

Quote from: mihoba on June 19, 2007, 02:10:03 pm

More like: "3,000 hits? That means he will join the likes of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio in that exclusive club."

Amazingly true statement, and a horribly sad commentary on the typical Astro's fan. Shit, did I say Astro's fan? I ment BASEBALL fan.

Gleek · « **Reply #14 on:** June 20, 2007, 02:14:38 am »

Whoa, wait a minute... What's a rally monkey?

We love baseball

hotdogs

applepie and

stupid douchebag fucking commercials.

Bench · « **Reply #15 on:** June 20, 2007, 09:15:00 am »

Quote from: otterjb on June 20, 2007, 01:37:14 am

MAN, do you cheer

It's a great place...

.... Houston!

Zac D · « **Reply #16 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:01:04 am »

Quote from: Bench on June 20, 2007, 09:15:00 am

It's a great place...

.... Houston!

If you guys are trying to encourage me to bring an automatic weapon to work and cut loose, it's working.

ybbodeus · « **Reply #17 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:01:35 am »

IS Ford in fact the best in Texas?

Limey · « **Reply #18 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:09:24 am »

Quote from: ybbodeus on June 20, 2007, 10:01:35 am

IS Ford in fact the best in Texas?

Of course. But they don't say the best what.

MusicMan · « **Reply #19 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:20:26 am »

Quote from: ybbodeus on June 20, 2007, 10:01:35 am

IS Ford in fact the best in Texas?

Don't complain, or they'll bring back that asswipe from Idol.

Alkie · « **Reply #20 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:23:52 am »

Quote from: MusicMan on June 20, 2007, 10:20:26 am

Don't complain, or they'll bring back that asswipe from Idol.

That's funny. I have never watched even a commercial for American Idol, so I had no idea who that guy was. After seeing the ad about 3 times, I said to my wife (who also didn't know who he was) that it was the worst casting job I'd ever seen. Who was this suburban mid-40s over-emotional jerkoff to tell me to buy a Ford truck?

Limey · « **Reply #21 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:30:27 am »

Quote from: Alkie on June 20, 2007, 10:23:52 am

Who was this suburban mid-40s over-emotional jerkoff to tell me to buy a Ford truck?

Toby Keith?

strosrays · « **Reply #22 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:33:03 am »

Quote from: Alkie on June 20, 2007, 10:23:52 am

That's funny. I have never watched even a commercial for American Idol, so I had no idea who that guy was. After seeing the ad about 3 times, I said to my wife (who also didn't know who he was) that it was the worst casting job I'd ever seen. Who was this suburban mid-40s over-emotional jerkoff to tell me to buy a Ford truck?

I didn't know who he was either, although I was struck by the image of Michael Bolton trying to channel Delbert McClinton. Not a pleasant image, mind you.

I'm thinking, "Who the fuck is this guy?" Then my wife yelled his name from the other room. And then I was thinking, even for a stage name, why would someone call themsleves Trailer Hitch? Just to sell trucks?

Noe · « **Reply #23 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:36:35 am »

Quote from: strosrays on June 20, 2007, 10:33:03 am

I didn't know who he was either, although I was struck by the image of Michael Bolton trying to channel Delbert McClinton. Not a pleasant image, mind you.

I'm thinking, "Who the fuck is this guy?" Then my wife yelled his name from the other room. And then I was thinking, even for a stage name, why would someone call themsleves Trailer Hitch? Just to sell trucks?

Guy is the spitting image of my brother-in-law, premature grey and all. I thought it was a lip-sync job and a bad one at that because my brother-in-law can't sing soul for the life of him so by proxy neither should this guy.

It was later that I found out that this guy was from American Idol, a show I've never watched... EVER! Damn, he wasn't lip sync-ing? You mean he actually is trying to be soulful? That's too bad.

ValpoCory · « **Reply #24 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:47:09 am »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 20, 2007, 10:36:35 am

Guy is the spitting image of my brother-in-law, premature grey and all. I thought it was a lip-sync job and a bad one at that because my brother-in-law can't sing soul for the life of him so by proxy neither should this guy.

It was later that I found out that this guy was from American Idol, a show I've never watched... EVER! Damn, he wasn't lip sync-ing? You mean he actually is trying to be soulful? That's too bad.

And to think, that commercial is the only place outside of American Idol reunion shit that most people have seen that guy since "winning".

strosrays · « **Reply #25 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:51:20 am »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 20, 2007, 10:36:35 am

Guy is the spitting image of my brother-in-law, premature grey and all. I thought it was a lip-sync job and a bad one at that because my brother-in-law can't sing soul for the life of him so by proxy neither should this guy.

It was later that I found out that this guy was from American Idol, a show I've never watched... EVER! Damn, he wasn't lip sync-ing? You mean he actually is trying to be soulful? That's too bad.

Just about everyone I've ever talked to about Americal Idol says they've never watched the show. I believe them. And I know I haven't. But somebody must be, because I know the network doesn't keep renewing the fucking thing just to piss me off.

I think I should probably move my research northward (Lumberton.) Or east (Vidor.)

**********

BTW, speaking of programming, the latest major disappointment: Ice Road Truckers.

Limey · « **Reply #26 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:55:17 am »

Quote from: ValpoCory on June 20, 2007, 10:47:09 am

And to think, that commercial is the only place outside of American Idol reunion shit that most people have seen that guy since "winning".

Thankfully, Idol "winners" these days disappear pretty quickly. There's only a couple of early ones who continue to hang around.

MusicMan · « **Reply #27 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:55:44 am »

Idol's 15 minutes are almost up. Thank God.

Ty in Tampa · « **Reply #28 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:56:10 am »

Quote from: strosrays on June 20, 2007, 10:51:20 am

Just about everyone I've ever talked to about Americal Idol says they've never watched the show. I believe them. And I know I haven't. But somebody must be, because I know the network doesn't keep renewing the fucking thing just to piss me off.

2 in my office do. The yammering on the day after sounds like a foreign language, which is fine by me.

Noe · « **Reply #29 on:** June 20, 2007, 10:59:04 am »

Quote from: strosrays on June 20, 2007, 10:51:20 am

Just about everyone I've ever talked to about Americal Idol says they've never watched the show. I believe them. And I know I haven't. But somebody must be, because I know the network doesn't keep renewing the fucking thing just to piss me off.

I think I should probably move my research northward (Lumberton.) Or east (Vidor.)

**********

BTW, speaking of programming, the latest major disappointment: Ice Road Truckers.

Yeah, caught the first show on IRT on the History channel (my favorite next to the HGTV which I'm hooked on... I blame my landscaping itch). Very dissappointing. What I know of American Idol, I learn from perpheral sources. Talk shows on the radio, water coolers, shows that are dedicated to telling me how I should watch certain shows (Entertainment Tonight type of show), et. al. But to sit down and watch one show? Never have. I did sit down and watch one episode of Dancing With The Stars though. I have another itch: Ballroom Dancing. Yeah, I'm all man brother, but when it comes to BRD, I have an itch that needs to be scratched.

In a few short years, I fully expect myself to take a full set of BRD classes and then I'm hitting the circuit, with or without the missus. Salsa, rumba, merengue, two-step... you name it and I'm going for it. BTW - I didn't like the Dancing With The Stars that much, but those costumes on the female dancers were amazing!

WulawHorn · « **Reply #30 on:** June 20, 2007, 11:01:14 am »

Quote from: Ty in Tampa on June 20, 2007, 10:56:10 am

2 in my office do. The yammering on the day after sounds like a foreign language, which is fine by me.

Houston- a great place to grab an ice cold coca cola and share it with the ones you love....

As to Idol- I and the wife have never watched it. A couple of the girls at my work watch it religously.

ybbodeus · « **Reply #31 on:** June 20, 2007, 11:03:22 am »

Quote from: MusicMan on June 20, 2007, 10:20:26 am

Don't complain, or they'll bring back that asswipe from Idol.

"Enquiring" minds wanted to know. Didn't intend to appear to be complaining. Regardless, though, you are SO freaking right!!!

Possibility? Let's hope not.

ybbodeus · « **Reply #32 on:** June 20, 2007, 11:08:28 am »

Quote from: Noe in Austin on June 20, 2007, 10:36:35 am

Guy is the spitting image of my brother-in-law, premature grey and all. I thought it was a lip-sync job and a bad one at that because my brother-in-law can't sing soul for the life of him so by proxy neither should this guy.

It was later that I found out that this guy was from American Idol, a show I've never watched... EVER! Damn, he wasn't lip sync-ing? You mean he actually is trying to be soulful? That's too bad.

I've got kids, so Idol's on every dad gum week. I move every six months so that I can get the DISH memory wiped out.....okay, I don't.

Anyway, with one performance he went from being an annoyingly phony soul man to become the greatest criminal in the history of pop music for me (bigger than Millie-Vanilli or Frankie Goes To Hollywood, among many others).

Not only did he butcher the vocals on Stevie Wonder's ultimate protest song, "Livin' in the City", but he closed it out by transforming the chorus into a Rufus Thomas "Funky Chicken" dance.

Alabama cracker piece a' shit!

Good thing Stevie can't see.

Noe · « **Reply #33 on:** June 20, 2007, 12:13:54 pm »

Quote from: ybbodeus on June 20, 2007, 11:08:28 am

I've got kids, so Idol's on every dad gum week. I move every six months so that I can get the DISH memory wiped out.....okay, I don't.

Anyway, with one performance he went from being an annoyingly phony soul man to become the greatest criminal in the history of pop music for me (bigger than Millie-Vanilli or Frankie Goes To Hollywood, among many others).

Not only did he butcher the vocals on Stevie Wonder's ultimate protest song, "Livin' in the City", but he closed it out by transforming the chorus into a Rufus Thomas "Funky Chicken" dance.

Alabama cracker piece a' shit!

Good thing Stevie can't see.

Typically, blue-eye soul is a very dangerous slope for artist to wander into. They have to understand that they will be judge against the non-blue-eyed variety and that is a daunting thing. I have like some blue-eye soul artist in the past, like Paul Young, but by and large it is going to take some real inspiration on the part of the artist to pull it off and impress anyone.

Not your normal way to make a living in that industry I suppose.

EasTexAstro · « **Reply #34 on:** June 20, 2007, 12:23:13 pm »

I know half you people are closet Idol fans. Half of Sanjaya's votes came from Alkie's phone....some people say.

Yeah, I watch the early rounds when I can . I don't schedule my life around it, and I quit watching about the time they expect the competition to actually be serious.

It helps my self esteem to look at the pathetic performances in the early rounds, knowing that I perform much better in the shower each morning just for the love of it, not because I want someone to see me...I sing in the shower sometimes, too.

Besides, I only get 3 channels at the house, and if I blocked Idol, 33% of my viewing choices would be gone for most of the year, it seems.

Foghorn · « **Reply #35 on:** June 20, 2007, 12:52:25 pm »

Quote from: EasTexAstro on June 20, 2007, 12:23:13 pm

I know half you people are closet Idol fans. Half of Sanjaya's votes came from Alkie's phone....some people say.

Yeah, I watch the early rounds when I can . I don't schedule my life around it, and I quit watching about the time they expect the competition to actually be serious.

It helps my self esteem to look at the pathetic performances in the early rounds, knowing that I perform much better in the shower each morning just for the love of it, not because I want someone to see me...I sing in the shower sometimes, too.

Besides, I only get 3 channels at the house, and if I blocked Idol, 33% of my viewing choices would be gone for most of the year, it seems.

Idol is nowhere close to slowing down. Yeah, that douchebag Taylor Hicks has a career half life of a jelly donut at a Weight Watchers meeting, but Idol is still #1 in the ratings. And this was a shitty season.

As long as Carrie Underwood and that bald headed screecher Chris Daughtry sell millions of albums, we're going to see this shit for a LOOONNNNGGGG time. I say sit back and enjoy the ride. Occasionally you get a good singer/performer, the unintentional comedy is usually at record heights, and the female final 12 ALWAYS contains a few hot pieces of tail.

Plus my daughter likes it.

Alkie · « **Reply #36 on:** June 20, 2007, 12:55:57 pm »

Quote from: Foghorn on June 20, 2007, 12:52:25 pm

As long as Carrie Underwood

Wait! Is THAT where Carrie Underwood came from?? She fucking sings at every other ballpark it seems and I keep asking people "who the fuck is Carrie Underwood?"

Foghorn · « **Reply #37 on:** June 20, 2007, 01:08:30 pm »

Quote from: Alkie on June 20, 2007, 12:55:57 pm

Wait! Is THAT where Carrie Underwood came from?? She fucking sings at every other ballpark it seems and I keep asking people "who the fuck is Carrie Underwood?"

Carrie Underwood is what American Idol is all about. Good looking blonde girl from rural oklahoma who can SING. Get her to Hollywood, have her drop 15 pounds, start dressing her a bit more slutty, and have the music industry machine write and pick songs for her to sell to EVERYONE--Christians, teenage girls, new country fans, adult contemporary, and pop.

Knee high boots, a host of clevege-revealing tops, and suddenly the horny old men are tuning in to watch her videos.

Simon Cowell would kill every little starving kid he met in Africa for another Carrie Underwood to walk into the audition room.

homer · « **Reply #38 on:** June 20, 2007, 01:28:39 pm »

Quote from: Foghorn on June 20, 2007, 01:08:30 pm

Carrie Underwood is what American Idol is all about. Good looking blonde girl from rural oklahoma who can SING. Get her to Hollywood, have her drop 15 pounds, start dressing her a bit more slutty, and have the music industry machine write and pick songs for her to sell to EVERYONE--Christians, teenage girls, new country fans, adult contemporary, and pop.

Knee high boots, a host of clevege-revealing tops, and suddenly the horny old men are tuning in to watch her videos.

Simon Cowell would kill every little starving kid he met in Africa for another Carrie Underwood to walk into the audition room.

See also Clarkson, Kelly.

A friend of mine has a business near Kelly's house just outside of Fort Worth. Somebody from Clarkson's place called in to order the service, and my friend's business partner answered the phone and scheduled the appointment, etc. Then the douchebag (not Clarkson, an assistant) finishes the call by reading the riot act to the guy letting him know that Ms. Clarkson wouldn't be able to meet him or sign any autographs, etc.

My buddy's partner hangs the phone up, kind of in a daze, and asks his wife "Who in the hell is Kelly Clarkson?"

Alkie · « **Reply #39 on:** June 20, 2007, 04:59:45 pm »

Exec #1: Ok, ok, ok. Look. It's 4:5fucking6. You know Steph, with the body, down on 12? Well, I'm taking her to the fake Irish Pub at 5:10 to start my weekend off right, if you know what I mean. You fuckers have exactly 13 minutes to come up with the rest of the content for this ad before I need to head for the elevator.
Exec #2: So what, Bill. Every Friday you have another "date" with some "bod" down on "some floor" and you never get laid. We're staying til this ad sounds right.
Exec #3: Gee, I'm not sure Eddie, I'd kinda like to get out of here too, ya know? I was gonna take the fam down to Galveston for the weekend and drink coladas and listen to Jimmy Buffett while the kids play with the sharks.
Exec #1: Ok, ok, ok. Let's think. You LOVE the Astros. No. You ROOT for the Astros. No. You'd shoot your mother to...
Exec #2: Stop it Bill, we're trying to get you out of here, remember?
Exec #1: Right, ok, sorry. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......
Exec #3: You cheer for the Astros?
Exec #1: MAN do you cheer for the Astros!
Exec #2: Sounds clunky.
Exec #3: You CHEER for the Astros; MAN do you cheer.
Exec #2: Sounds clunky.
Exec #1: Great! Perfect! I'm outta here. Good work. See you Monday, Phil.
Exec #3: See you Monday, Bill.

ybbodeus · « **Reply #40 on:** June 21, 2007, 08:26:43 pm »

Quote from: Foghorn on June 20, 2007, 01:08:30 pm

Simon Cowell would kill every little starving kid he met in Africa for another Carrie Underwood to walk into the audition room.

"That...is a BIG....smile."

"You're ordering coffee before we go to the diner to drink coffee?!"