Athletics at Astros - 6/12/07

[homer]

Oakland

Kotsay, CF
Ellis, 2B
Swisher, RF
Chavez, 3B
Johnson, 1B
Crosby, SS
Cust, LF
Kendall, C
Kennedy, P

Houston

Biggio, 2B
Loretta, 1B
Pence, CF
Lee, LF
Ensberg, 3B
Burke, RF
Everett, SS
Ausmus, C
Oswalt, P

[Alkie]

Oakland

Kotsay, CF
Ellis, 2B
Swisher, RF
Chavez, 3B
Johnson, 1B
Crosby, SS
Cust, LF
Kendall, C
Kennedy, P

The cool thing about interleague play is that the Astros finally get to face guys like Mark Kotsay and Jason Kendall.

This is EXACTLY what Kendall needed to bust out of his season-long slump.  I bet he's been looking forward to this series for 2 years.

[Alkie]

Awesome.

I'm watching the Brewers/Tigers game right now and just saw a Spanish-only commercial for Jimmy John's Sammiches that was oddly like the Roybertito's ad.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, get a Spanish speaking friend to help out.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0Id6Cy-YzkU

[homer]

The cool thing about interleague play is that the Astros finally get to face guys like Mark Kotsay and Jason Kendall.

This is EXACTLY what Kendall needed to bust out of his season-long slump.  I bet he's been looking forward to this series for 2 years.

Kendall - .194/.236/.204

Ouch.

ETA: He is in the last year of a 6/60 - making $13M this year.

[mihoba]

Cust in LF, fun times again!

[Alkie]

Kendall - .194/.236/.204

Yep, only player in baseball worse at the plate than Everett.

I guarantee he breaks out this series.

[homer]

Yep, only player in baseball worse at the plate than Everett.

I guarantee he breaks out this series.

Biggio - .219/.266/.368

Everett - .230/.280/.314

[Alkie]

Biggio - .219/.266/.368

Everett - .230/.280/.314

Oh that's right, I forgot AE went on a tear recently.

Sorry, should have said "when I looked up OPS for all major league hitters about 2 weeks ago, AE was next to last and Kendall was easily last."

[EasTexAstro]

Awesome.

I'm watching the Brewers/Tigers game right now and just saw a Spanish-only commercial for Jimmy John's Sammiches that was oddly like the Roybertito's ad.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, get a Spanish speaking friend to help out.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0Id6Cy-YzkU

I was about 20 seconds away from calling my kid in to help me out with the Spanish....but, I watchedd just enough to know....

I will not sleep tonight.

[Alkie]

I will not sleep tonight.

Then I've done my job.

I watch that about every 3 days and piss myself laughing.

[EasTexAstro]

Burke in RF.

I will not watch this.

[AllyDStros]

Anyone else catch the Ausmus Surfer Bobble commercial?

[Alkie]

Burke in RF.

I will not watch this.

It's Christmas, Theo.  Is the time of miracles.

[EasTexAstro]

It's Christmas, Theo.  Is the time of miracles.

I did pick up a sixer of '98 on the way home....

....and a case of vodka.

Maybe I'll make it.

[Alkie]

I did pick up a sixer of '98 on the way home....

....and a case of vodka.

Maybe I'll make it.

What are you gonna drink?

[EasTexAstro]

What are you gonna drink?

i went with the vodka....

[mihoba]

I did pick up a sixer of '98 on the way home....

....and a case of vodka.

Maybe I'll make it.

A case of vodka?

[EasTexAstro]

A case of vodka?

Did I stuttetter?

[Alkie]

Real question:

Does anyone in here find it the least bit "cool" that we're playing AL West teams this week?  Does anyone who cares about the actual sport still find Interleague (not just the stupid "rivalries") interesting?

I honestly don't think I do.  For a while, it was kind of interesting, but I'd much rather be playing the Reds or Brewers tonight.

[EasTexAstro]

Now, what might be considered a sign of too much to drink...


I clicked over to Gameday, say Roy's picture in the pitcher's spot, and thought "homer" before Roy Oswalt.

I've been spending too much time in here...or homer has....

[homer]

Now, what might be considered a sign of too much to drink...


I clicked over to Gameday, say Roy's picture in the pitcher's spot, and thought "homer" before Roy Oswalt.

I've been spending too much time in here...or homer has....

You've spent damn near as much time as me.

[homer]

Real question:

Does anyone in here find it the least bit "cool" that we're playing AL West teams this week?  Does anyone who cares about the actual sport still find Interleague (not just the stupid "rivalries") interesting?

I honestly don't think I do.  For a while, it was kind of interesting, but I'd much rather be playing the Reds or Brewers tonight.

Really doesn't matter to me. Can't say I'd rather see the Astros play any particular team.

[Amy]

Home sweet home Bidge.

[mihoba]

Does anyone in here find it the least bit "cool" that we're playing AL West teams this week?  Does anyone who cares about the actual sport still find Interleague (not just the stupid "rivalries") interesting?

Interleague sucks.

[EasTexAstro]

Real question:

Does anyone in here find it the least bit "cool" that we're playing AL West teams this week?  Does anyone who cares about the actual sport still find Interleague (not just the stupid "rivalries") interesting?

I honestly don't think I do.  For a while, it was kind of interesting, but I'd much rather be playing the Reds or Brewers tonight.

The onl thing interesting, that I could find, is that there was the discussion of West Coast food on the same day we were playing a West Coast team, and it had nothing to do with each other (like skyline "chili" and Sin-sin-a-tee).

It is a thin connection, though, as most people prefer the San Diego version, which is an NL team, as it should be.

The AL means nothing to me.

I'm only here typing to pace my vodka consumption.

[Amy]

Real question:

Does anyone in here find it the least bit "cool" that we're playing AL West teams this week?  Does anyone who cares about the actual sport still find Interleague (not just the stupid "rivalries") interesting?

I honestly don't think I do.  For a while, it was kind of interesting, but I'd much rather be playing the Reds or Brewers tonight.

I hate interleague.  It just just screws up the schedule.  I'd rather see a division opponent.

[EasTexAstro]

You've spent damn near as much time as me.

Sure, rub it in....

[homer]

Bidge goes the other way ... I don't think I saw him even try to go the other way the entire road trip.

[loganck]

Real question:

Does anyone in here find it the least bit "cool" that we're playing AL West teams this week?  Does anyone who cares about the actual sport still find Interleague (not just the stupid "rivalries") interesting?

I honestly don't think I do.  For a while, it was kind of interesting, but I'd much rather be playing the Reds or Brewers tonight.

I don't like it overall.  I still think it's interesting at times, but I hate when they have to play in an AL ballpark. 
I really hate the DH.
I, too, would rather the Astros were playing an NL central team tonight.

[Alkie]

Now THAT'S funny.

I can't believe it didn't occur to me that Oswalt is trying to beat Kennedy tonight.

[Amy]

Does anyone else think Kennedy's motion looks fucked up?

[homer]

Now THAT'S funny.

I can't believe it didn't occur to me that Oswalt is trying to beat Kennedy tonight.

From that Book Suppository Building, sir!

[EasTexAstro]

Now THAT'S funny.

I can't believe it didn't occur to me that Oswalt is trying to beat Kennedy tonight.

Does either one drive a Lincoln, cause that would be really weird.

[Alkie]

From that Book Suppository Building, sir!

In the Marines, outstanding.

[pravata]

Brown talked to a scout who thought pitchers should pound Pence in with fastballs?  Which Pence?

[Alkie]

Brown talked to a scout who thought pitchers should pound Pence in with fastballs?  Which Pence?

More importantly, which scout?

[EasTexAstro]

Brown talked to a scout who thought pitchers should pound Pence in with fastballs?  Which Pence?

Which scout? An Astros scout trying to add a footnote to the book being written on him?

[EasTexAstro]

In case anyone is trying to read this tomorrow and figure out where this discussion fits into the game,

Lee just hit the sac fly in the first, scoring Biggio.

[pravata]

Which scout? An Astros scout trying to add a footnote to the book being written on him?

Gotta be.  Some mole scout.  Yeah, I wouldn't throw this kid any breaking stuff.  Fastball in, that's where to go.  Real slow hands on the lanky guy.

[Alkie]

Gotta be.  Some mole scout.  Yeah, I wouldn't throw this kid any breaking stuff.  Fastball in, that's where to go.  Real slow hands on the lanky guy.

Same place you beat Biggio.

[homer]

Gotta be.  Some mole scout.  Yeah, I wouldn't throw this kid any breaking stuff.  Fastball in, that's where to go.  Real slow hands on the lanky guy.

I hope he gets that same note into Bidge's book. Inside fastballs, belt high. Old man can't get around on the heat.

[Alkie]

I hope he gets that same note into Bidge's book. Inside fastballs, belt high. Old man can't get around on the heat.

Also....Biggio.

[EasTexAstro]

Homer is Alkie's slower, alter-drinking buddy.....something like that

[homer]

Also....Biggio.

Pound Bidge with fastballs? I was just thinking that.

[pravata]

Same place you beat Biggio.

Right, go at him.  Try to get ahead in the count. 

[homer]

JD getting down on the homeplate ump. He has been doing that quite often this year.

[Alkie]

JD just called Eric Cooper a cocksucker.

[pravata]

JD already on the ump.  Roy says fuck it.  I'll make em swing.

[mihoba]

The A's. Dark green socks and white cleats.

Clowns from the Charlie O circus.

[homer]

Cust looks like a shorter, fatter Adam Dunn.

[Alkie]

I.  Still.  Hate.  Kendall.

[mihoba]

I.  Still.  Hate.  Kendall.

You empowered him. Thanks for that.

[EasTexAstro]

JD getting down on the homeplate ump. He has been doing that quite often this year.

JD just called Eric Cooper a cocksucker.

JD already on the ump.  Roy says fuck it.

Y'all are providing a rather disturbing commentary.

[Amy]

You have got to be shitting me.

[Alkie]

You empowered him. Thanks for that.

I have nothing to do with it.  When he left the Bucs, I was able to put away an entire room of BBG Shrinery.

[mihoba]

Holy fuck, the P jumps Gunther for a 2-run double.

[homer]

You have got to be shitting me.

Do you feel something tight around your neck?

[Alkie]

You have got to be shitting me.

Why would we be?  Astros took a lead in the last half inning.  Roy is pitching.

It's in the rule book.

[EasTexAstro]

You have got to be shitting me.

More disturbing commentary?

[Alkie]

Time to start drinking.

For those from the more Central Texas area, Spurs beating the shizz out of the Cavs resumes in 23 minutes.

[legs_of_eggs]

Time to start drinking.

For those from the more Central Texas area, Spurs beating the shizz out of the Cavs resumes in 23 minutes.

yes but fuck the spurs

[Amy]

The motherfucking AL pitcher hits one on to the hill?  Does Kendall have a Roy O voodoo doll or something?

[mihoba]

Roy better keep his mouth shut about run support, after grooving an AL pitcher like that. What a fucked up inning.

[Amy]

JD kills me!  Did you know the A's have a pitcher named "Doucher"?

[EasTexAstro]

Roy better keep his mouth shut about run support, after grooving an AL pitcher like that. What a fucked up inning.

I never thought I would say it, but drat-it-all!

Roy ain't putting up a good front against a lineup that, believe it or not, might look worse than the Astros 9 for the night.

Defensively, they might be better, I don't know, but it doesn't sound like Roy can say anything about the defense with the hits he is giving up.

[pravata]

You have got to be shitting me.

Listen, I'm as annoyed as I'm going to be with what is actually going on.  I'm sure not going to be making up any more of this.

[pravata]

Roy better keep his mouth shut about run support, after grooving an AL pitcher like that. What a fucked up inning.

Not one fucking word.

[mihoba]

JD kills me!  Did you know the A's have a pitcher named "Doucher"?

Justin Duchscherer, on the DL

vinegar poisoning

[Alkie]

Pardon me, but John Myzell doesn't look very dependable.

[Alkie]

I just went to the kitchen to prepare our cheese 'n' ale for the evening and notice Chris Burke on 1st base.

Someone wanna explain that to me?

[mihoba]

I just went to the kitchen to prepare our cheese 'n' ale for the evening and notice Chris Burke on 1st base.

Someone wanna explain that to me?

Kennedy can't stay on the bridge.

[Alkie]

I will gladly give you a billion dollars on Thursday for a Chester Charge tshirt today.

[pravata]

I just went to the kitchen to prepare our cheese 'n' ale for the evening and notice Chris Burke on 1st base.

Someone wanna explain that to me?

Couldnt stand any more of his whining so that gave him first.

[Alkie]

Kennedy can't stay on the bridge.

Yes, but how the fuck did Burke reach?

[Amy]

I just went to the kitchen to prepare our cheese 'n' ale for the evening and notice Chris Burke on 1st base.

Someone wanna explain that to me?

He hit his pop foul in a place they couldn't catch it, then somehow Kennedy threw him ball four.

[mihoba]

Yes, but how the fuck did Burke reach?

walked

[Alkie]

Couldnt stand any more of his whining so that gave him first.

What a lovely family unit the Astros have become.  Whiniest wheel gets the cheese.

[Amy]

Thank you Bradley.

[pravata]

uyoY NO LAK Brac  u damFOO

[Alkie]

Just what the FUCK was THAT, Brad?

[pravata]

What a lovely family unit the Astros have become.  Whiniest wheel gets the cheese.

It's a theme.  He scored didnt he.

[Alkie]

uyoY NO LAK Brac  u damFOO

The Army base relocation project?  Who doesn't like that?

[pravata]

The Army base relocation project?  Who doesn't like that?

uFOO!

[EasTexAstro]

So, Gar figures Mo will end the inning watching, sets up the next inning with Burke leading off, AE hitting to the right side to move him to 2nd/3rd, Ausmus, then, can't hit into the DP, so Burke either moves to 3rd or scores or the grounder, and the pitcher spot is up for the 3rd out, thereby making the next inning a good spot to start the whole lineup over again.

[Alkie]

It's a theme.  He scored didnt he.

So. 

1) Suck
2) Lose playing time
3) Suck off the bench
4) Beg for another chance
5) Suck
6) Complain
7) Suck
8 ) Get sent down
9) Complain
10) Suck worse at a lower level
11) Get called up
12) Suck
13) Complain
14) Get more playing time
15) Score in a ML game

I should have never quit after LL.

[JaneDoe]

This game coulda been really interesting if Kennedy's first name was John and Oswalt ended with a d instead of a t.

[pravata]

Roy swung when the ball was in the mitt.

[pravata]

So. 

1) Suck
2) Lose playing time
3) Suck off the bench
4) Beg for another chance
5) Suck
6) Complain
7) Suck
Get sent down
9) Complain
10) Suck worse at a lower level
11) Get called up
12) Suck
13) Complain
14) Get more playing time
15) Score in a ML game

I should have never quit after LL.

You can see why the Astros havent scored more runs. 

[homer]

So. 

1) Suck
2) Lose playing time
3) Suck off the bench
4) Beg for another chance
5) Suck
6) Complain
7) Suck
Get sent down
9) Complain
10) Suck worse at a lower level
11) Get called up
12) Suck
13) Complain
14) Get more playing time
15) Score in a ML game

I should have never quit after LL.

You forget the part where you give the interview where you 'understand why they sent you down and recognize you need to work harder'.

[pravata]

Home Town Craig.

[Alkie]

You forget the part where you give the interview where you 'understand why they sent you down and recognize you need to work harder'.

8(a)

[Amy]

Go Bidge!!  Now that's what I like to see!  I wonder how many doubles he's hit to RF?

[Alkie]

Home Town Craig.

5 x 5 tonight would be great for so many reasons.

[homer]

Bidge going the other way again. I swear, someone correct me, he didn't do that one single time on the road trip.

[Alkie]

Bidge going the other way again. I swear, someone correct me, he didn't do that one single time on the road trip.

No RF in AL parks.

Or in Colorado.

Or Wrigley.

[Alkie]

You can see why the Astros havent scored more runs. 

So, Lane and Q are due?

[Amy]

Bidge going the other way again. I swear, someone correct me, he didn't do that one single time on the road trip.

I thought I remembered him having a hard hit flyout to RF early in the trip.  Colorado maybe?

[pravata]

So, Lane and Q are due?

Right.  Soon as they come back the Astros will score more runs.  Any day now.

[mihoba]

5 x 5 tonight would be great for so many reasons.

I hear ya, but Loretta is not exactly tearing the cover off the ball lately.

6 for the last 35

[Alkie]

I hear ya, but Loretta is not exactly tearing the cover off the ball lately.

6 for the last 35

Let me ask you a question.  Honestly, truly, seriously, if I said "Mihoba, you can either start Loretta at 2nd the rest of the season or Biggio the rest of the season" you'd have to think about it?

[homer]

Right.  Soon as they come back the Astros will score more runs.  Any day now.

The Astros are wasting their prime years in the minors. Absolutely rotting away.

[mihoba]

Let me ask you a question.  Honestly, truly, seriously, if I said "Mihoba, you can either start Loretta at 2nd the rest of the season or Biggio the rest of the season" you'd have to think about it?

After 18 more hits, Bidge can ride off into the sunset. Adios. Lots of man love, see ya in 5 years.

[pravata]

Lee runs down a gapper.  And other unlikely word combinations.

[Alkie]

Right.  Soon as they come back the Astros will score more runs.  Any day now.

So, Lance is pretty much already at step 7, when do we send him down?

[Alkie]

Fucking Burke!

Clemente would have had it.

[EasTexAstro]

just for the fun of it, KC leads the co-ards 7-0 in the 2nd....

[Alkie]

just for the fun of it, KC leads the co-ards 7-0 in the 2nd....

Go Chiefs!

[EasTexAstro]

missed catch error on Loretta?


Explain, please...

[Bench]

What the fuck was that couple they just showed in the crowd? It was like HH in drag with his arm around a bay area Alkie.

[pravata]

missed catch error on Loretta?


Explain, please...

Roy throws over, it's high, skipped off the top of Loretta's glove into the stands.

[austro]

Here comes the Alkie moment...

[Alkie]

What the fuck was that couple they just showed in the crowd? It was like HH in drag with his arm around a bay area Alkie.

I am not posting from the game and HH isn't in drag.  It's a man dress.  They're REAL.  Look it up.

[Alkie]

Here comes the Alkie moment...

Kendall's friends are going to blow his chance to sleep with Mia Hamm's sister?  Or he's about to move in with a drug dealer?

[EasTexAstro]

Roy throws over, it's high, skipped off the top of Loretta's glove into the stands.

Thanks.

[EasTexAstro]

Roy seems to want to prove a game can be won while throwing more balls than strikes. He's almost broken even now...

[mihoba]

What the fuck was that couple they just showed in the crowd? It was like HH in drag with his arm around a bay area Alkie.

HH is svelte compared to that seat smotherer.

[austro]

Kendall's friends are going to blow his chance to sleep with Mia Hamm's sister?  Or he's about to move in with a drug dealer?

I figured Kendall was sure to break his extra-base slump and drive in a couple of runs just to confirm your earlier prophecy.

[Alkie]

Roy seems to want to prove a game can be won while throwing more balls than strikes. He's almost broken even now...

The hell does he care?  Do you know how many stock ponds $78m buys?

[legs_of_eggs]

brewers no-hit through 8 innings BTW....justin verlander tossing it

[Alkie]

brewers no-hit through 8 innings BTW....justin verlander tossing it

SHIT!!!  I was actually watching that game from first-pitch.  Dammit, dammit, dammit.

[Bench]

HH is svelte compared to that seat smotherer.

No shit. That lady was a bohemeth.

[Alkie]

No shit. That lady was a bohemeth.

HH isn't gay, he's just bigboned.

[mihoba]

SHIT!!!  I was actually watching that game from first-pitch.  Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Top of the order for the 9th, Counsell, Graffanino, and Hardy.

[Bench]

Top of the order for the 9th, Counsell, Graffanino, and Hardy.

It's on ESPN now.

[mihoba]

Verlander is dealing, damn. One more to go.

[mihoba]

Got away with a high hanging slider there.

He did it. Good for him, that's badass.

[Alkie]

Does our division suck ass or what?

[Bench]

Man, he was filthy.

[Bench]

Anyway, Roy retires the side.

[MusicMan]

Does our division suck ass or what?

The two big moves in our division are signing Troy Percival and Chan Ho Park.

Case.  Closed.

[pravata]

The two big moves in our division are signing Troy Percival and Chan Ho Park.

Case.  Closed.

HEY, I dont see any other teams trying to improve.

[Alkie]

The two big moves in our division are signing Troy Percival and Chan Ho Park.

Case.  Closed.

One of those retread wastes of a transaction line in the paper is ours.  ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy.

[Alkie]

HEY, I dont see any other teams trying to improve.

Well, that's the thing.
 
Name a division with "bigger" moves.

[Alkie]

So that's kind of amazing.  145 years of baseball (or whatever it is) and the Houston Astros are still the only NL team to ever no hit an AL team.  Ever.

[Amy]

Bradley's the man tonight!!

[Alkie]

I DON'T BELIEVE.  WHAT I JUST SAW!

[Bench]

All fucking glove.

[Alkie]

Brad Ausmus for Nick Swisher.

[pravata]

I DON'T BELIEVE.  WHAT I JUST SAW!

buleaf it!

[EasTexAstro]

Bradley's the man tonight!!

Was that gleach pitching?

[MusicMan]

Dogs and cats, sleeping together.

[Bench]

Man, it just puts a smile on my face to see Backe yucking it up in the dugout.

[Alkie]

Man, it just puts a smile on my face to see Backe yucking it up in the dugout.

How about Chan Ho yucking it up in the dugout?

[pravata]

Dogs and cats, sleeping together.

He's had the best atbats in the last 2 games, now 3.  We've said that the Astros were looking for more big hits from the 8 spot.  Now they're getting them.  That's one thing off the list.

[homer]

He's had the best atbats in the last 2 games, now 3.  We've said that the Astros were looking for more big hits from the 8 spot.  Now they're getting them.  That's one thing off the list.

He really waited on that hook. Good hitting.

[mihoba]

Alright Roy, time to deal.

[Alkie]

Alright Roy, time to deal.

You know damn well what's about to happen.

[pravata]

Roy's going to head for the barn now.  No fooling around.

[Alkie]

STOP SHOWING IT!

JESUS CHRIST.

Yes.  They are FAT.  They are EATING.  It's DISGUSTING.

[Bench]

How about Chan Ho yucking it up in the dugout?

As long as a gong goes off every twenty seconds, I will be entertained.

[Bench]

STOP SHOWING IT!

JESUS CHRIST.

Yes.  They are FAT.  They are EATING.  It's DISGUSTING.

Yes, but how did they get so fat eating so inefficiently?

GOD GAVE YOU HANDS WITH WHICH TO SCARF CHILI CHEESE DOGS! AND YOUR SHIRT TO CATCH ANY ERRANT CHILI!

[pravata]

That dude needs to realize that styrofoam is not a food group.

[Alkie]

It's a one run game.  Every time they show the fat Owls eating Brats with a fork, an angel loses its wings.

[Amy]

How about Chan Ho yucking it up in the dugout?

I'm fine as long as he's the bat boy.

[Alkie]

That dude needs to realize that styrofoam is not a food group.

Could you pass that along to Drayton and Aramark?

[mihoba]

Yes, but how did they get so fat eating so inefficiently?

GOD GAVE YOU HANDS WITH WHICH TO SCARF CHILI CHEESE DOGS! AND YOUR SHIRT TO CATCH ANY ERRANT CHILI!

Amateur with a spork. Or is it a foon?

[pravata]

Could you pass that along to Drayton and Aramark?

Not me, nothing but beer passes my lips in that venue.

[Bench]

Way to hold a lead the next inning, Roy. Haven't seen you in a month.

[homer]

Not me, nothing but beer passes my lips in that venue.

Miller Lite?

[Bench]

Amateur with a spork. Or is it a foon?

He might be a foon, but he certainly ain't buff.

[pravata]

As long as a gong goes off every twenty seconds, I will be entertained.

He's going to fung shei the shit out of the bat rack.

[Alkie]

6000 bitch. 

[Amy]

STOP SHOWING IT!

JESUS CHRIST.

Yes.  They are FAT.  They are EATING.  It's DISGUSTING.

It's no wonder I'm paranoid about eating in the stands during a game.  I also don't want to miss the game going to the concession stand.  Outside of beer, they're not making much money off of me when I go to a game.

[pravata]

Miller Lite?

Beer. Is. Beer. Candy. Asses.

[Alkie]

Beer. Is. Beer. Candy. Asses.

I can't believe I used to go out with you.

[Bench]

You know, most baseball broadcasts spend an inordinate time showing good looking young girls in the stands. Yet Astros broadcasts alternate between the most disgusting specimens the camera can find, and demented middle aged women with trite face paintings.

Now, I go to a lot of Astros game and there's usually some decent eye candy in my section to keep me occupied between batters.

I hate to say it, but you got to wonder what's causing stomach churning images in an otherwise healthy broadcast.

[Bench]

I can't believe I used to go out with you.

Ahhh! NTTAWT!!! GOOD THING THEY DIDN'T INVENT FISH TACOS IN SAN FRANCISCO!!! AHHHHH!!!

[pravata]

I can't believe I used to go out with you.

I havent got time to be picky.

[Amy]

You know, most baseball broadcasts spend an inordinate time showing good looking young girls in the stands. Yet Astros broadcasts alternate between the most disgusting specimens the camera can find, and demented middle aged women with trite face paintings.

Now, I go to a lot of Astros game and there's usually some decent eye candy in my section to keep me occupied between batters.

I hate to say it, but you got to wonder what's causing stomach churning images in an otherwise healthy broadcast.

I think they should show Ausmus in the dugout more often.

[pravata]

You know, most baseball broadcasts spend an inordinate time showing good looking young girls in the stands. Yet Astros broadcasts alternate between the most disgusting specimens the camera can find, and demented middle aged women with trite face paintings.

Now, I go to a lot of Astros game and there's usually some decent eye candy in my section to keep me occupied between batters.

I hate to say it, but you got to wonder what's causing stomach churning images in an otherwise healthy broadcast.

You have to watch.  The babe is never in the middle of the frame.  Always in the upper right.

[homer]

I havent got time to be picky.

Must consume mass quantities.

[gwat]

You know, most baseball broadcasts spend an inordinate time showing good looking young girls in the stands. Yet Astros broadcasts alternate between the most disgusting specimens the camera can find, and demented middle aged women with trite face paintings.

Now, I go to a lot of Astros game and there's usually some decent eye candy in my section to keep me occupied between batters.

I hate to say it, but you got to wonder what's causing stomach churning images in an otherwise healthy broadcast.

I was thinking the same thing.WTF. Dwelling on a would be Kobayashi...all of the tools, none of the focus.

[pravata]

Must consume mass quantities.

Dont get in the way neither.

[Bench]

6000 bitch. 

I've been thinking for a while (yes, it stings a bit), but what is this referring to?

[T. J.]

You know, most baseball broadcasts spend an inordinate time showing good looking young girls in the stands. Yet Astros broadcasts alternate between the most disgusting specimens the camera can find, and demented middle aged women with trite face paintings.

Now, I go to a lot of Astros game and there's usually some decent eye candy in my section to keep me occupied between batters.

I hate to say it, but you got to wonder what's causing stomach churning images in an otherwise healthy broadcast.

What, you missed the babes sending Hunter Pence their phone numbers?  "Hunter, this is for you  281-615-0582."  Also, "Ausmus puts the Ass in Astros".  I thought that one was pretty good, actually.  Couldn't believe it made the broadcast.

[T. J.]

I've been thinking for a while (yes, it stings a bit), but what is this referring to?

He's running up his post total.  Like me.

[homer]

I've been thinking for a while (yes, it stings a bit), but what is this referring to?

Alkie is compensating with his post count.

[Alkie]

You know, most baseball broadcasts spend an inordinate time showing good looking young girls in the stands. Yet Astros broadcasts alternate between the most disgusting specimens the camera can find, and demented middle aged women with trite face paintings.

Now, I go to a lot of Astros game and there's usually some decent eye candy in my section to keep me occupied between batters.

I hate to say it, but you got to wonder what's causing stomach churning images in an otherwise healthy broadcast.

Yeah, it's really weird.  Every time we go to a game, we see plenty of incredibly cute to incredibly hot younger women at the game.  Yet, here we sit watching mraup and me eating brats with sporks.

[pravata]

"And he owns a bulldozer."

[Alkie]

281-615-0582

I tried.

Dry cleaners.

You tart.

[Alkie]

Alkie is compensating with his post count.

Once you go Alkie, you never go...uh...balkie.

[homer]

"And he owns a bulldozer."

"He makes passive aggressive comments to the media."

[JaneDoe]

Once you go Alkie, you never go...uh...balkie.

Oh, come ON.  You can do better than this.

[pravata]

"He makes passive aggressive comments to the media."

Yeah.  But, he owns a bull dozer.

[EasTexAstro]

Oh, come ON.  You can do better than this.

...Backe?

[Alkie]

Oh, come ON.  You can do better than this.

Well, real name's Zach and I used "once you do Zach, you never go back" with success once in college proving that...college chicks are fucking morons.

[pravata]

Well, real name's Zach and I used "once you do Zach, you never go back" with success once in college proving that...college chicks are fucking morons.

God love em.

[Alkie]

God love em.

Here's one you can use at home.

Went to a frat party once and told the girls I had just come back from Mexico where I bought these pills that make my semen taste like bubble gum and/or grape flavor.

It worked.
 

[Bench]

Well, real name's Zach and I used "once you do Zach, you never go back" with success once in college proving that...college chicks are fucking morons.

Well, real name's Bench and in law school "You may approach the Bench" actually worked on a girl. Law school chicks are fucking morons too.

[Alkie]

Well, real name's Bench and in law school "You may approach the Bench" actually worked on a girl. Law school chicks are fucking morons too.

I should have gone to law school.

[Bench]

Here's one you can use at home.

Went to a frat party once and told the girls I had just come back from Mexico where I bought these pills that make my semen taste like bubble gum and/or grape flavor.

It worked.
 

Only if you surreptitiously first drop in her drink one of the other pills you bought in Mexcio.

[Amy]

Nice try Brad.  I didn't know he could hit it that far the other way.

[Alkie]

Only if you surreptitiously first drop in her drink one of the other pills you bought in Mexcio.

No, it actually worked.  The simple re-telling of the story got me free beer for years.

Fucking college kids are morons.

[pravata]

Well, real name's Bench and in law school "You may approach the Bench" actually worked on a girl. Law school chicks are fucking morons too.

Uh, I... hmm....

[austro]

Well, real name's Bench and in law school "You may approach the Bench" actually worked on a girl. Law school chicks are fucking morons too.

I used to really enjoy these stories.  Then my daughter left for college...

[Bench]

I should have gone to law school.

Honestly, it was like high school but without having to drop anyone off at their parents.

[Alkie]

I wonder what Mike Lamb would do if he were invisible.

Also, I would just about KILL to hear what Everett has on his iPod.

[pravata]

I wonder what Mike Lamb would do if he were invisible.

Also, I would just about KILL to hear what Everett has on his iPod.

2 kinds of music, country and western.

[Bench]

Also, I would just about KILL to hear what Everett has on his iPod.

He doesn't actually own one. They're just earcovers because he is so awkard and shy.

[Alkie]

2 kinds of music, country and western.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  Oh man.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When 20 year old ballplayers recycle jokes that my great grandfather was embarrassed to repeat in the 20s...

[mihoba]

Twinkie has spilled his snacks into two lockers. Messy Astros Award.

Who knew.

[pravata]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.  Oh man.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

When 20 year old ballplayers recycle jokes that my great grandfather was embarrassed to repeat in the 20s...

What joke?  You think I'm kidding?  Woody Williams listed his spare time activities as reading the Bible and listening to spiritual music.  These boys spin in a tight gyre.

[Alkie]

I used to really enjoy these stories.  Then my daughter left for college...

I now have a 4 year old daughter and am pretty liberal.  Nothing I used to find funny, is now.

[mihoba]

What joke?  You think I'm kidding?

I thought that was Roy?

[Reuben]

Only if you surreptitiously first drop in her drink one of the other pills you bought in Mexcio.

Ok, is this what's generated 10 pages of posts tonight?

[Bench]

I now have a 4 year old daughter and am pretty liberal.  Nothing I used to find funny, is now.

At least you don't have a 4 year old boy who LOVES Twinky Winky. That used to be funny too.

[Alkie]

I thought that was Roy?

It's any ballplayer who was robbed of their proper youth by fathers trying to live vicariously through their much more athletically talented sons.

[pravata]

I thought that was Roy?

Stepford ballplayers.

[Alkie]

Ok, is this what's generated 10 pages of posts tonight?

Pretty much.  Skip ahead.  You've missed fuck-all.

[pravata]

Pretty much.  Skip ahead.  You've missed fuck-all.

Bring a book mark.

[Bench]

Obviously, there are a bazillion reasons I hope this lead holds. But I am very intersted to see what the crowd's reaction will be to Lidge The Closer Once More.

[Alkie]

Obviously, there are a bazillion reasons I hope this lead holds. But I am very intersted to see what the crowd's reaction will be to Lidge The Closer Once More.

LIGHTS OUT and music?

[Reuben]

Pretty much.  Skip ahead.  You've missed fuck-all.

I like a man who values my time.

[mihoba]

Stepford ballplayers.

Mud & blood'necks

[pravata]

reverT on.  Strap it in candyasses.

[Bench]

Obviously, there are a bazillion reasons I hope this lead holds. But I am very intersted to see what the crowd's reaction will be to Lidge The Closer Once More.

Fuck me. Everyone in this pen has been nails at some time or another this season. But never are they all clicking at once.

[austro]

Dear god, did they just say that Kotsay has three hits tonight? I just looked at his season stats, and he's 6 for 36 so far this year.

[Alkie]

reverT on.  Strap it in candyasses.

Roy needs something to bitch about.  Which candyasses are you talking to?

[EasTexAstro]

I am very intersted to see what the crowd's reaction will be to Lidge The Closer Once More.

I will be drinking heavily, but I was doing that before the game started....might be doing it when the game ends.

[Bench]

Dear god, did they just say that Kotsay has three hits tonight? I just looked at his season stats, and he's 6 for 36 so far this year.

Welcome back, mofo. Welcome fucking back.

[Bench]

I will be drinking heavily, but I was dong that before the game started....might be doing it when the game ends.

That makes three of us.

[pravata]

Roy needs something to bitch about.  Which candyasses are you talking to?

You know, those guys, over there. 

[homer]

reverT on.  Strap it in candyasses.

Tried to nail the first guy, again.

[Bench]

Miller did his job, Chavez did his. Time to nut up.

[pravata]

Tried to nail the first guy, again.

He was staring at him. 

[JaneDoe]

You know, those guys, over there. 

The ones eating?

[Alkie]

The ones eating?

THAT'S right.  There's talk of possible sex tonight, so let's, by all means, show the fat guys from Rice eating again.

[Alkie]

LIDGING.  HUGE.

[Bench]

Wasn't a swing, but it definately was a strike. Nice job, Revert.

[pravata]

Who doubted? Who?

[Amy]

Wheee!!  Johnson is pissed.  Go ahead, argue and get thrown out.  I'd like to see it happen to an opposing player for a change.

[Bench]

Who doubted? Who?

Do you mean "Who doubted whom?" Because that answer is simple.

[homer]

He was staring at him. 

He should have been. Miller has good control and was trying to move the hitter back so he could throw his trash on the outside corner. Same thing he was doing the other day... except that guy Biggio'd up.

[pravata]

Do you mean "Who doubted whom?" Because that answer is simple.

Nu uh.  Who doubted?  Point em out to me. 

[Alkie]

Nu uh.  Who doubted?  Point em out to me. 

That would be me.

[Bench]

Nu uh.  Who doubted?  Point em out to me. 

Not those guys. They're still chewing their styrafoam cud.

[pravata]

That would be me.

You need to go think about yourself then.

[homer]

JD - Trever is the mailman. Nobody notices him until he doesn't show up.

[pravata]

Not those guys. They're still chewing their styrafoam cud.

mmmmmmm.... gastroenterology.....

[Bench]

Nu uh.  Who doubted?  Point em out to me. 

Oh yeah, it's Phil's fault! That's all you need to know.

And, I think Woody's job may be on the line right now.

[Alkie]

You need to go think about yourself then.

I TOLD you, I was GOING to, then Jane Doe brought up the Fat Kids With Brats again and all blood was redistributed.

[Bench]

mmmmmmm.... gastroenterology.....

Someone call a plumber?

[gwat]

Who doubted? Who?

I did...a little bit, but I haven't been drinking tonite.
I'm really sorry about that drinking part. I'll get started.

[pravata]

Oh yeah, it's Phil's fault! That's all you need to know.

And, I think Woody's job may be on the line right now.

Chan Ho?

[pravata]

I did...a little bit, but I haven't been drinking tonite.
I'm really sorry about that drinking part. I'll get started.

Damn right. Cause Dot, and Fuck All are about to shut this down.

[homer]

Chan Ho?

Anybody would be better than Woodrow.

[mihoba]

Chan Ho?

Chan Ho cannot beat a Woody

[MusicMan]

Anybody would be better than Woodrow.

Have you never watched Park "pitch"?

[pravata]

Anybody would be better than Woodrow.

hmmmmm.

[Bench]

I did...a little bit, but I haven't been drinking tonite.
I'm really sorry about that drinking part. I'll get started.

I'll tell you what, this GZ business is bad for the liver. At first it was, "maybe a beer when the game starts and some wine with dinner." Then, with a tight game, and exposure to alcohol fueled gamezone repartee, a bottle of whiskey at hand, and then... aw fuck it.

[EasTexAstro]

I did...a little bit, but I haven't been drinking tonite.
I'm really sorry about that drinking part. I'll get started.

I'll cover for you....

[Amy]

Oh yeah, it's Phil's fault! That's all you need to know.

And, I think Woody's job may be on the line right now.

He's got a two year contract.  What do you think they're going to do with him?  As desperate as teams are for pitching I guess they could get someone to take him.  But shipping him out for Chan Ho would be pointless.

[Bench]

Chan Ho cannot beat a Woody

But that costs money.

[homer]

Have you never watched Park "pitch"?

hmmmmm.

Turn up your sarcasm meters for fuck's sake.

[Alkie]

Have you never watched Park "pitch"?

I have.

I get that it was a no-gamble pick up.  I almost wish I hadn't heard about it.

[Anit]

so i guess if the astros hold on, lidge will get the save opp tonight

[Bench]

so i guess if the astros hold on, lidge will get the save opp tonight

IF!!!!!

[Bench]

Not those fat myopic guys again. Sheese. Alkie's kid will never have a sibling.

[Alkie]

Not those fat myopic guys again. Sheese. Alkie's kid will never have a sibling.

Not to worry.  We're stopping at one, fat kids with brats or not.  Children are excellent birth control.

[pravata]

Turn up your sarcasm meters for fuck's sake.

It's fuzzy, like channel 2 audio last night.

[EasTexAstro]

Not to worry.  We're stopping at one, fat kids with brats or not.  Children are excellent birth control.

I'll cover for you....

[Bench]

Not to worry.  We're stopping at one, fat kids with brats or not.  Children are excellent birth control.

You make her WATCH???

[Reuben]

Children are excellent birth control.

Jesus, do you realize how depressing that sounds?

[pravata]

Jesus, do you realize how depressing that sounds?

You didnt know?

[JaneDoe]

Jesus, do you realize how depressing that sounds?

Don't listen to him. 

[Alkie]

Jesus, do you realize how depressing that sounds?

I love my daughter more than anything on Earth.

I'd never sign up for that again.

ETA: Let me rephrase.  I'd never sign up for the first 2 years of a human's life again.

[Alkie]

You make her WATCH???

That's what the dog is for.

[JaneDoe]

I love my daughter more than anything on Earth.

I'd never sign up for that again.

Really?  That BAD?

[mihoba]

Don't listen to him. 

Tell em Jane. Adding a few more doesn't impact that much more, since you already took the plunge.

[Alkie]

Really?  That BAD?

No, that's the thing.  We had it REALLY EASY.  She slept thru the night at like 4 months.  Never gone to jail yet or even gotten pregnant.

But I learn from other's mistakes.  My best friend had a daughter that still doesn't sleep thru the night (at 4). 

I'm not a baby person.  Neither is my wife.  We're quite happy with our daughter and have no need to add to the overpopulation of the earth at this point. 

[Amy]

I love my daughter more than anything on Earth.

I'd never sign up for that again.

ETA: Let me rephrase.  I'd never sign up for the first 2 years of a human's life again.

Personally, I find other people's children excellent birth control.

[Bench]

Personally, I find other people's children excellent birth control.

ESPECIALLY when they watch.

[Alkie]

Tell em Jane. Adding a few more doesn't impact that much more, since you already took the plunge.

You wanna have more kids?  Go nuts.

I wouldn't do it again for anything.

[JaneDoe]

Personally, I find other people's children excellent birth control.

You must hang out with some really awful kids.

[Alkie]

You must hang out with some really awful kids.

Rule #1:  If you don't REALLY want to have kids, DON'T HAVE KIDS.

You want to have kids?  Lots of them?  Do.  If Amy doesn't?  She shouldn't.   I wish more people would follow that rule.

[Amy]

You must hang out with some really awful kids.

I didn't like kids when I was a kid.  No patience for them whatsoever.

[JaneDoe]

HPZ? Hunter Pence Zone?

Can you get any more LAME?

[T. J.]

No, that's the thing.  We had it REALLY EASY.  She slept thru the night at like 4 months.  Never gone to jail yet or even gotten pregnant.

But I learn from other's mistakes.  My best friend had a daughter that still doesn't sleep thru the night (at 4). 

I'm not a baby person.  Neither is my wife.  We're quite happy with our daughter and have no need to add to the overpopulation of the earth at this point. 

Holy crap.  Did I post this and not know it?  This is EXACTLY my life.

[mihoba]

You wanna have more kids?  Go nuts.

I wouldn't do it again for anything.

I wanted a boy, he's now 25.

Then I wanted a girl, she's 24.

Then I wanted a new wife. My youngest boy is 16.

I'm done.

[pravata]

HPZ? Hunter Pence Zone?

Can you get any more LAME?

No. But I'm seriously considering a Fat Elvis group.  Viva.

[T. J.]

They surely won't play the "here comes the pain" song, will they?

[JaneDoe]

Rule #1:  If you don't REALLY want to have kids, DON'T HAVE KIDS.

You want to have kids?  Lots of them?  Do.  If Amy doesn't?  She shouldn't.   I wish more people would follow that rule.

I agree.  But, Amy made a really broad condemnation of all kids.  She doesn't want kids, I have no problem with that, but not all kids are hooligans.

[pravata]

They surely won't play the "here comes the pain" song, will they?

I think JD came up with the perfect closer music, The Bolero. 

[Alkie]

I agree.  But, Amy made a really broad condemnation of all kids.  She doesn't want kids, I have no problem with that, but not all kids are hooligans.

Inside every child is a pregnant junkie who hates you. 

Life is pain.

[gwat]

I think JD came up with the perfect closer music, The Bolero. 

It takes 7 minutes for it to become audible.

[pravata]

Inside every child is a pregnant junkie who hates you. 

Life is pain.

Any one who tells you different is selling something.

[JaneDoe]

No. But I'm seriously considering a Fat Elvis group.  Viva.

Yeah, I saw that Fox special: Lance Berkman--In My Own Words.  He really used to be svelte.  Definitely Fat Elvis now.

[pravata]

It takes 7 minutes for it to become audible.

So.

[homer]

Lidge on

to Kotsay (left)

Slider backing up on the outside, called strike
Fastball down and in, 97, fouled
hung a slider, homer to right.

[Alkie]

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

WAIT!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

[JaneDoe]

Oh, Yeah! Lidge is back!

The radio talk shows will have a field day tomorrow.

[Anit]

holy fucking shit, did that seriously just happen

[mihoba]

Son of a bitch.

[Amy]

I agree.  But, Amy made a really broad condemnation of all kids.  She doesn't want kids, I have no problem with that, but not all kids are hooligans.

I was speaking for myself.  If you have a different view, more power to ya.  Someone has to have babies I guess.

[pravata]

sunuvabitch.  There's the boos.

[Amy]

Wow, just unreal.

[T. J.]

0-2 is a wonderful thing. 

(I typed the above before the HR...)

I feel terrible for Brad, but that was an awful pitch.

[EasTexAstro]

sunuvabitch.  There's the boos.

I was hoping you said boobs.

[homer]

to Ellis

Fastball outside corner
fastball about the same spot, double down the right field line, kicked up the chalk

[Alkie]

You know...I really really wanted Lidge to take back the closers role.  The man has been unfuckinghittable.

What incredibly bad timing.

I hope they don't react poorly to this (management...who gives a shit about the fans).

[Bench]

You know...I really really wanted Lidge to take back the closers role.  The man has been unfuckinghittable.

What incredibly bad timing.

I hope they don't react poorly to this (management...who gives a shit about the fans).

Well, this season has shown us that management does, which itself sucks.

[Alkie]

Good thing Brad is back there.  Someone else would have let that roll to the backstop.

[JaneDoe]

Wheeler looks pumped.

[Alkie]

HUGE K.

C'mon BRAD.

[Amy]

I feel terrible for Lidge.  I just hope he can get his head together and I hope he gets another chance.

[homer]

to Swisher (left)

slider on the outside misses
fastball on his shins, has to jump out of the way
fastball down and in, in the dirt, gets away from ausmus, runner advances
fastball down and in, swing and miss, 3-1
slider up, catches the outside corner, called strike
slider in and in the dirt, K swinging

[Lurch]

Damn fine slider on 3-0 and 3-2.  Head might be fucked, but the stuff is still there

[Alkie]

HUGE K.

C'mon BRAD.

[homer]

to Chavez (left)

fastball inner third called strike
slider in and down, fouled off
slider in the dirt, chased wildly for the K

[pravata]

they cant even see this slider.  Shit.

[mihoba]

Damn fine slider on 3-0 and 3-2.  Head might be fucked, but the stuff is still there

3-0 was a FB that was ball 4. Swisher chased it.

[homer]

to Johnson (left)

IBB

[Amy]

Come on Brad, one more, please.

[JaneDoe]

HUGE K.

C'mon BRAD.

Let's hope for a triple post.

[Bench]

Damn fine slider on 3-0 and 3-2.  Head might be fucked, but the stuff is still there

If ONLY he would trust it.

[Alkie]

Who's up in the bottom?

[homer]

to Crosby

slider over the inner third, swung over
fastball outer third fouled off
slider hung a little on the inside, popped to AE

[mihoba]

Whew, good recovery Lidge.

[Alkie]

Huge.

Let's get 'em bats.

[JaneDoe]

Who's up in the bottom?

Haahaaahaaahaaa.  Oh, you mean the bottom of the inning.

[gwat]

burke everett ausmus

[Anit]

now its time for some heroics..

[Amy]

I'd really love a walkoff of any sort here.

[Alkie]

Haahaaahaaahaaa.  Oh, you mean the bottom of the inning.

Fucking sicko.  Wish I'd have met you in college.

[Bench]

Who's up in the bottom?

Good thing fish tacos weren't invented in San Francisco.

[austro]

Fucking Kotsay.  Nice job by Lidge to limit the damage.

[pravata]

Haahaaahaaahaaa.  Oh, you mean the bottom of the inning.

Why would you think that? (Burke Everett Ausmus, so they have a chance)

[JaneDoe]

Fucking sicko.  Wish I'd have met you in college.

Nope, I got more than 1 kid.

[pravata]

now its time for some heroics..

Thrilling heroics. Big damn heros.

[Reuben]

OK, so on the HR- I know he hung the slider, but it looked it looked away to me. Was it that terrible of a pitch, or did Kotsay put a pretty good swing on it to pull the HR?

[remy]

What's with Astros pitchers giving up first-of-the-season homers to so many guys lately?  Blech!

[JaneDoe]

Now that was a quality at bat.

[homer]

what the fuck was Burke doing bunting?

[Reuben]

what the fuck was Burke doing bunting?

Moving ghost runners over?

[austro]

what the fuck was Burke doing bunting?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

[pravata]

what the fuck was Burke doing bunting?

trying to impress the other 29 teams.

[Alkie]

what the fuck

what the fuck was Burke

what the fuck was Burke doing

Any of these would have worked.

[Lurch]

OK, so on the HR- I know he hung the slider, but it looked it looked away to me. Was it that terrible of a pitch, or did Kotsay put a pretty good swing on it to pull the HR?

Looked over the outside corner to me and, yes, Kotsay put a pretty good swing on it.  FWIW, JD said he overthrew it and thus left it up.

[JaneDoe]

what the fuck was Burke doing bunting?

Bye baby Bunting
Daddy's gone a-hunting
To catch a little rabbit skin
To wrap the baby Bunting in.

[T. J.]

Free fucking baseball.

[Alkie]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

[Alkie]

I.  Hate.  Jason.  Kendall.

[Amy]

And we have to give up Kendall's first extra base hit in two years.

[EasTexAstro]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

Bad question for me. I am at my best when a little aled.

[pravata]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

Oh I'm very bad at these type of questions.  I prefer essay questions.

[gwat]

Suzuki, major league debut, awwwww fuck.

[T. J.]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

Got any green Gatorade (has to be green, the original lemon-lime stuff)?  If so, you're good to go for another two Belgians.  Three Advil and a lemon-lime gatorade in the morning and you're gold.  If you don't have the Gatorade, you're on your own.

[Lurch]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

Any chance you can get your point across with a series of YouTube clips?

[Amy]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

I shoot pool better when buzzed.  I don't know if the same thing works for webinars when hung...over.

[austro]

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

It's not the ales that will ruin the performance, it's the 18 innings.

[homer]

IBB to Kotsay. Fantastic.

[JaneDoe]

Ok, real question and my life is in your hands.

I am the keynote speaker at some webinar tomorrow at noon.

I've just had two Belgian ales (my standard for an evening).  Nice buzz right now.  Feel good. 

Astros game is about to go 18.  Spurs game on PiP. 

Do I have another Belgian ale and take some Advil or be an adult and stop drinking so I can be my level best during the webinar?

Get over to ETA's and steal his vodka (if there's any left)

[Alkie]

So, one "don't ask me", one "I prefer the new SATs", and one "chug it."

[gwat]

Suzuki, major league debut, awwwww fuck.

I meant to say, "fuck yeah!!!"

[JaneDoe]

I.  Hate.  Jason.  Kendall.

Still?

[pravata]

So, one "don't ask me", one "I prefer the new SATs", and one "chug it."

helpful bunch, aint we.

[Alkie]

Any chance you can get your point across with a series of YouTube clips?

Point?  Yes.  Odds that they'll line up to hire me afterwards for impressing them with my knowledge?  Not so much.

[Alkie]

helpful bunch, aint we.

I've always known that about you.

[Alkie]

Fuck this.

Westmalle it is.   You want one?

[EasTexAstro]

So, one "don't ask me", one "I prefer the new SATs", and one "chug it."

Want me to to do the presentation?

[Bench]

Fuck this.

Westmalle it is.   You want one?

What's the fucking debate?

[remy]

Is Huston Street out for the year?

[pravata]

Is Huston Street out for the year?

I dont think so.  But definitely for the Astros year.

[Amy]

Is Huston Street out for the year?

I don't think so.

[Amy]

Oh yeah, Bidge loves MMP!

[remy]

Biggio.

Fuck yeah!

America!

Fuck yeah!

[mihoba]

What's the fucking debate?

No shit. Drink 'till the game is over.

Deal with the rest later.

[Bench]

So where is Craig vis a vis 1000 extra base hits?

[pravata]

Scouting reports are so useless.

[homer]

This "play Bidge only at MMPUS" should be explored.

[austro]

Wheeee!!!! Sac him over, and let PENCE!!! save the day.

ETA:  Ooops, forgot that there was already one out.

[homer]

Wheeee!!!! Sac him over, and let PENCE!!! save the day.

RISPY Loretta will swing away.

[Alkie]

Want me to to do the presentation?

If you can convince a room full of people to get properly registered with their state or go to jail, the gig is yours.

[mihoba]

So where is Craig vis a vis 1000 extra base hits?

995 I believe.

[pravata]

Wheeee!!!! Sac him over, and let PENCE!!! save the day.

Single and Biggio scores.

[Bench]

Wheeee!!!! Sac him over, and let PENCE!!! save the day.

Drinking and understanding how many outs there are rarely go together.

[homer]

If you can convince a room full of people to get properly registered with their state or go to jail, the gig is yours.

Sex offenders?

[pravata]

If you can convince a room full of people to get properly registered with their state or go to jail, the gig is yours.

That sells itself.

[Lurch]

If you can convince a room full of people to get properly registered with their state or go to jail, the gig is yours.

Your clients are pedophiles?

[austro]

Drinking and understanding how many outs there are rarely go together.

I wish I could say I was drinking. Just not paying enough attention.

[Alkie]

That sells itself.

To a bunch of insurance salesmen that can (literally) barely spell their own names?  Hardly.  These webinars make me think even less of humankind.  If that's possible.

[Bench]

That scrawny asian dude makes for a funny looking catcher.

[homer]

To a bunch of insurance salesmen that can (literally) barely spell their own names?  Hardly.  These webinars make me think even less of humankind.  If that's possible.

20 pages and 380 posts of this shit tonight.

Outstanding.

[Alkie]

Your clients are pedophiles?

I wouldn't doubt it for a second.

I miss the old days when my clients were just stockbrokers.  Now they're mostly insurance agents.  It's what you could call a "noticeable" difference.

[Bench]

That scrawny asian dude makes for a funny looking catcher.

Dammit, I meant Hawaiin and was thinking "don't say Asian."

[mihoba]

That scrawny asian dude makes for a funny looking catcher.

I can picture pigpen smashing into him at the dish in his debut game.... make it happen... safe

[pravata]

I wouldn't doubt it for a second.

I miss the old days when my clients were just stockbrokers.  Now they're mostly insurance agents.  It's what you could call a "noticeable" difference.

Check the hobbies part of the survey.

[Alkie]

20 pages and 380 posts of this shit tonight.

Outstanding.

What would you rather we talk about?

[austro]

So I've been trying the upper-righthand-corner-of-the-picture rule of thumb, and I have to say, it's not working.

[remy]

Grrr.. damnit gunther.

Please end this now, Flapjack!

edit: Aw shit.  IBB.

Iceberg to the dish.

[pravata]

So I've been trying the upper-righthand-corner-of-the-picture rule of thumb, and I have to say, it's not working.

Granted.  They went grunge tonight.

[Bench]

Oh lordy. I can see the wheels sparking in Morgan's mind.

[EasTexAstro]

If you can convince a room full of people to get properly registered with their state or go to jail, the gig is yours.

Never tried, but what the heck...your money....

[Alkie]

Check the hobbies part of the survey.

You're giving these knucklebreathers WAY too much credit.

There's this one thing for them to fill out.  NAME/STATE/EMAIL.  You would be AMAZED how many of them fuck it up.

[JaneDoe]

Single and Biggio scores.

Shut up.  No jinxing allowed.

[Amy]

Sweet Jesus, not Mo.  He'll watch strike three with the bases loaded.  Fuck.

[T. J.]

Shocked, SHOCKED, they would not pitch to Lee.

[pravata]

Oh lordy. I can see the wheels sparking in Morgan's mind.

Walk off walk.  Sweet.

[remy]

ballllllllllllll 1..........

[homer]

If Iceberg works a walk...

[JaneDoe]

What was that?

[Alkie]

NEVER.  SLIDE.

AAAAAAAARGGGGGH.

[remy]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCccccccckkkKKKKKKKKKKK

Mo hit that ball as hard as he could.

[Alkie]

Never tried, but what the heck...your money....

Appreciate it. 

[Bench]

Nice dive, at least. He really got some air.

[Amy]

Did Kent teach him that sliding headfirst into 1B shit?  Dumbass.

[Lurch]

pusstastic

[austro]

If Iceberg works a walk...

He'll never swing the bat again.

For better or worse, we've been spared that outcome.

[JaneDoe]

What was that?

No, I am not kidding.  What WAS THAT?

[mihoba]

NEVER.  SLIDE.

AAAAAAAARGGGGGH.

He just cleared a path for the throw. STUPID.

[T. J.]

There is no way you'll ever convince me that it isn't faster to run through the bag.  Not that he would've made it anyway, but that's just stupid.

[Bench]

At least keep your body in between the bag and the catcher. In this situation, you won't get called out every time.

[rifraft]

they actually signed chan ho park today to come up and take mo's spot at 3rd base.  i think it was a smart decision.

[pravata]

What was that?

The slide was the least of it, what was any of that?

[Amy]

they actually signed chan ho park today to come up and take mo's spot at 3rd base.  i think it was a smart decision.

Can Chan Ho make the throw to 1B?

[T. J.]

There was some eye candy.  Not sure she was 18 though...

[pravata]

There was some eye candy.  Not sure she was 18 though...

At this distance you dont need to be.

[austro]

When is Kotsay due up again?  It's not inconceivable that he could double his season's hit total tonight.

[Alkie]

When is Kotsay due up again?  It's not inconceivable that he could double his season's hit total tonight.

Kendall is "more" due.

[pravata]

Platinum Sombero for Swisher?

[Bench]

So I told myself, Self, it's been a stressful week and a half and there's nothing you must accomplish at work tomorrow. Have a couple of drinks. Watch the Astros game, it will be fun. But don't drink too much, and you can go work out in the morning. That will make tomorrow great, and then you can catch up on all the other stuff at work.

Fuck, fuck and fuck. Fuck.

[homer]

Kendall is "more" due.

I blame you the most, Alkie.

[homer]

Platinum Sombero for Swisher?

Golden.

[Bench]

Platinum Sombero for Swisher?

He got crowned!

[Alkie]

He got crowned!

Crpwned.

[Alkie]

I blame you the most, Alkie.

Feel free.   Once an AstroKillah, always an asshole.

[mihoba]

Golden.

And Chavez will be wearing that same hat.

[EasTexAstro]

So I told myself, Self, it's been a stressful week and a half and there's nothing you must accomplish at work tomorrow. Have a couple of drinks. Watch the Astros game, it will be fun. But don't drink too much, and you can go work out in the morning. That will make tomorrow great, and then you can catch up on all the other stuff at work.

Fuck, fuck and fuck. Fuck.

It has been such a long game, I am starting to sober up.

Next bottle...

[Alkie]

It has been such a long game, I am starting to sober up.

Next bottle...

I'm on my way over.

[remy]

SWEET... Borkwoski, Everett, and Ausmus due.  WIN.

[homer]

Holy shit. Borkowski should be the closer.

[Bench]

I'm already there.

[T. J.]

Eighteen Ks.

[gwat]

Bork is the MAN.

[Reuben]

Bork!!!

[Bench]

Holy shit. Borkowski should be the closer.

No fucking shit. At some point, it will happen.

Hey, he was warming up at the end of the game on Saturday.

[mihoba]

I think Borkowski deserves a win right here.

[pravata]

JD says that the Oakland minor leaguers have to prove they can walk 10% of the time.  If they was in the Washington Nationals system they'd be walkin to New Orleans.

[homer]

I think Borkowski deserves a win right here.

JD agrees.

[T. J.]

Ok, so I haven't watched an NBA game in about 5 years, but during the commercial I switched over and I swear, there's a guy playing for Cleveland with a bush on the back of his head.  Is this a style I've somehow missed?

[remy]

I think Borkowski deserves a win right here.

Make it so.

[Alkie]

JD says that the Oakland minor leaguers have to prove they can walk 10% of the time.  If they was in the Washington Nationals system they'd be walkin to New Orleans.

I read Moneyball when it came out.  I really, REALLY wanted to believe in it.  I thought, wow, what a cool idea.

Ten years and zero pennants later...I don't care too much for Moneyball anymore.

[Amy]

What the fuck was that, Lamb's Moberg impression?

[pravata]

Ok, so I haven't watched an NBA game in about 5 years, but during the commercial I switched over and I swear, there's a guy playing for Cleveland with a bush on the back of his head.  Is this a style I've somehow missed?

Yes. Yes you did.  The NBA sucks.  They have for 4 years.

[pots]

impressive 2 consecutive hitters, full swing, still haven't made the pitcher

[Alkie]

Ok, so I haven't watched an NBA game in about 5 years, but during the commercial I switched over and I swear, there's a guy playing for Cleveland with a bush on the back of his head.  Is this a style I've somehow missed?

That is Drew Gooden's Power Patch.

It is, without question, the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen.

[Bench]

Adam and Ausmus could be magical.

[Amy]

Hey, good show AE!  Come on Brad, be the man again.

[Bench]

That is Drew Gooden's Power Patch.

It is, without question, the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen.

He stole it from the side of Rasheed Wallace's haed.

[mihoba]

AE nice double. Speed at second. Ausmus has been banging.

[Alkie]

Yes. Yes you did.  The NBA sucks.  They have for 4 years.

The NBA is unwatchable.

Which is why we're watching the Finals.

[T. J.]

Of COURSE Ausmus (he puts the Ass in Astros, doncha know) will win this game tonight.

[pravata]

I read Moneyball when it came out.  I really, REALLY wanted to believe in it.  I thought, wow, what a cool idea.

Ten years and zero pennants later...I don't care too much for Moneyball anymore.

Moneyball means you have limited funds so you buy players with one or two skills instead of five.  Carlos Lee is a Moneyball player.  So is Adam "Double" Everett.

[Anit]

how fitting is it that ausmus won that thing..

[Alkie]

EXCELLENT.

[Bench]

Magic indeed!

[Amy]

The glove brothers did it!!

[mihoba]

Ballgame!!

[pravata]

Everett and Ausmus.  Fuck all yall.

[JaneDoe]

Everett and Ausmus pair up for the WIN!!!!!

[remy]

Adam and Ausmus could be magical.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

No 18 innings for you!

[gwat]

Adam and Ausmus could be magical.

Fuckin' magical that its not 18 innings. BEAUTIFUL.

[Bench]

The glove brothers did it!!

You DO win with defense!

[Alkie]

Trade Ausmus to an AL West team TONIGHT.

[pots]

Nice, beautiful!!!!!  Now sleep will be just a little more pleasant.  Good night

[Bench]

Trade Ausmus to an AL West team TONIGHT.

For a SS that can actually hit.

[T. J.]

Down that Belgian Alkie.  Good luck with the presentation.  I meant it about the green Gatorade.  Magical stuff.

[Alkie]

For a SS that can actually hit.

Think the A's would give up Tejada or could we get A-Rod from the Rangers?

[Reuben]

Pretty week effort by the catcher in LF there. Nice job AE and Brad.

[JaneDoe]

Adam and Ausmus could be magical.

Great call. 

[Alkie]

Down that Belgian Alkie.  Good luck with the presentation.  I meant it about the green Gatorade.  Magical stuff.

Thanks man.  I'll take 2 Advil and be fine.  And if not, I'll just fake it.

[mihoba]

Pretty week effort by the catcher in LF there. Nice job AE and Brad.

Kendall has a weeny arm.

[gwat]

Ok, so I haven't watched an NBA game in about 5 years, but during the commercial I switched over and I swear, there's a guy playing for Cleveland with a bush on the back of his head.  Is this a style I've somehow missed?

Armpit graft.

[T. J.]

The NBA is unwatchable.

Which is why we're watching the Finals.

Oh my GOD!  It's 67-64 in the fourth fucking quarter?!  I'm signing off for another 5 years.

[Alkie]

Oh my GOD!  It's 67-64 in the fourth fucking quarter?!  I'm signing off for another 5 years.

It's like an '80s college game.

[Reuben]

Kendall has a weeny arm.

My roommate must think I'm nuts- suddenly screaming "Yes! Yes! No, no, NO! (seeing Everett waved home as Kendall cocks his arm) ...Yes, YES!!!!!"

[Bench]

My roommate must think I'm nuts- suddenly screaming "Yes! Yes! No, no, NO! (seeing Everett waved home as Kendall cocks his arm) ...Yes, YES!!!!!"

Honestly, when I saw him rounding third I yelled "don't send him!!!"

And then I immediately thought "what the fuck am I saying! GO GO!!!"

[pravata]

Honestly, when I saw him rounding third I yelled "don't send him!!!"

And then I immediately thought "what the fuck am I saying! GO GO!!!"

Hell yeah go.

[Alkie]

Hell yeah go.

Safe.  Game.

Can't believe this beer outlasted the ballgame.

[pravata]

Biggio - .219/.266/.368

Everett - .230/.280/.314

[Alkie]

Biggio - .219/.266/.368

Everett - .230/.280/.314

STATS play the game.  Not men.  Leave me alone.

[homer]

Biggio - .219/.266/.368

Everett - .230/.280/.314

Kotsay - 4x5, HR
Kendall - 2x5, 2 RBI, R

[Alkie]

Kotsay - 4x5, HR
Kendall - 2x5, 2 RBI, R

The more things change.......

[Bench]

Kotsay - 4x5, HR
Kendall - 2x5, 2 RBI, R

Kendall - 0 Outfield assists.

[homer]

The more things change.......

A's 3-4-5 were 0x14, 4BB, 8K

[Alkie]

A's 3-4-5 were 0x14, 4BB, 8K

If they had any brains, they'd hit Kotsay 3rd and Kendall 4th against us.  I ain't no dummy. 

Do you all not remember the late 90s and early 00s?

[mihoba]

If they had any brains, they'd hit Kotsay 3rd and Kendall 4th against us.  I ain't no dummy. 

Do you all not remember the late 90s and early 00s?

Kendall with the Pyroots? He killed us.

[remy]

That scrawny asian dude makes for a funny looking catcher.

What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

[MRaup]

What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

You've been waiting for MONTHS to break that out, haven't you?

[austro]

You've been waiting for MONTHS to break that out, haven't you?

Years, maybe. How many opportunities can there be?

[remy]

How many opportunities can there be?

I was going to wait for a Chan Ho call-up, but the A's provided me an early out.

[JimR]

man, this kind of stuff is why the GZ has become useless to a geezer like me. i come online to try to find out what is happening in the game and find a Pop Culture Reference Fest about which i know nothing.

[MRaup]

man, this kind of stuff is why the GZ has become useless to a geezer like me. i come online to try to find out what is happening in the game and find a Pop Culture Reference Fest about which i know nothing.

The Big Lebowski is the movie in question.

P.S. The Illusionist was great.

[JimR]

The Big Lebowski is the movie in question.

P.S. The Illusionist was great.

glad you liked it. the ending completely got me.

[Noe]

glad you liked it. the ending completely got me.

Was going to watch that the other night and decided on The Prestige instead.  I fell asleep.

[pravata]

Was going to watch that the other night and decided on The Prestige instead.  I fell asleep.

Scarlett Johannson and the Incredible Vanishing Accent.

[remy]

The only thing remotely good about that movie was the Tesla thing.

[Noe]

The only thing remotely good about that movie was the Tesla thing.

Yeah, woke up in time to see Tesla walking through some electric charges... I immediately thought of Roy "Sparky" Oswalt.