Cards at Astros - April 8, 2007

[Alkie]

Loretta starting at SS.  Is Everett hurt?

[MRaup]

Why can't AE get a day off so we can get Loretta in the lineup?

And wow, Jennings just MOLESTED Pujols.

[Alkie]

No, he can.  I'm for getting Loretta in the lineup, don't get me wrong.  I'm just asking if something happened to Everett.

[matadorph]

Is it too early to say we really need to lock this Jennings guy up?

[Greg M]

Is it too early to say we really need to lock this Jennings guy up?

Just got here.  What Jennings do to Pujols??

[matadorph]

No, he can.  I'm for getting Loretta in the lineup, don't get me wrong.  I'm just asking if something happened to Everett.

Does seem strange to give AE a day off this early in the season. If Loretta had eye-popping numbers against Wells, well okay, but he's 2 for 13 lifetime.

[matadorph]

Just got here.  What Jennings do to Pujols??

Bang. Bang. Bang.

[MRaup]

Just got here.  What Jennings do to Pujols??

Made Pujols look stupid. Carved up the plate with a few 2 seamers then threw a nasty slider off the outside corner and Pujols whiffed badly.

[Greg M]

Made Pujols look stupid. Carved up the plate with a few 2 seamers then threw a nasty slider off the outside corner and Pujols whiffed badly.

Thanks for the info. 

Bah....wild pitch

[matadorph]

Is it me or did it look like Berkman lost count of the outs just then?

[mihoba]

Crap, whiff and run

[EasTexAstro]

Milo just mentioned that they wanted to give Everett's ongoing sore back a little rest.

Lorretta gets the Astros first hit of the day.

[matadorph]

Loretta with the first Astro hit.

Nice call, Phil.

[Alkie]

I think that if Albert goes 0-for-today, he should shave off his eyebrows too.

[Alkie]

I will never speak again.

[matadorph]

Fuck that guy.

[rifraft]

I think that if Albert goes 0-for-today, he should shave off his eyebrows too.

dude, shut the fuck up!  i think he gets to shave your eyebrows now!

[Alkie]

dude, shut the fuck up!  i think he gets to shave your eyebrows now!

Ohhhhhhhhhno.  We're not doing that again.  Last time, it seemed like a good idea until Albert started giggling.  Then I realized he was high and probably hallucinating.  He called me "Budgie" and I told him to get out of my house.  Haven't invited him back since.

[rifraft]

is jennings having as hard of a time finding the strike zone as it seems on gamecast?

[matadorph]

no.

[matadorph]

the first two pitches to Duncan were on the money, but called low.

[matadorph]

also, the pitch that Edmonds walked on could've been a called strike.

[rifraft]

another strong offensive performance so far.

[Alkie]

Am I just completely remembering this wrong, or didn't we always seem to have these ridiculous offensive games (like worse than usual) day game after a night game last year??

[Alkie]

Here's a question...

How does someone get into the Diamond Boxes?  I never see tix on sale and I see lots of blue collar slobs in the seats right behind ex-Presidents and local celebs.  How do I become one of those slobs?

[matadorph]

I was asking myself that not five minutes ago, Alkie. I have no idea, but I do know that I have a better chance of banging Jessica Simpson than sitting in the Diamond Boxes.

Hey Astros hitters....it's not good when your fans are paying more attention to Barbara Bush than your at-bats.

[mihoba]

I can't believe it.... finally got a call.

[MRaup]

I was asking myself that not five minutes ago, Alkie. I have no idea, but I do know that I have a better chance of banging Jessica Simpson than sitting in the Diamond Boxes.

Hey Astros hitters....it's not good when your fans are paying more attention to Barbara Bush than your at-bats.

Its great to see the guys aren't letting a win yesterday influence how they normally play.

How about y'all swing at some good pitches instead of chasing crap all over the place.

[Alkie]

I have a better chance of banging Jessica Simpson than sitting in the Diamond Boxes.

Well, that's actually true, but it says almost nothing about your chances of sitting in the Diamond Boxes.

[mihoba]

Here's a question...

How does someone get into the Diamond Boxes?  I never see tix on sale and I see lots of blue collar slobs in the seats right behind ex-Presidents and local celebs.  How do I become one of those slobs?

Get to know Drayton.

[Alkie]

WAIT A SECOND!   This happened LAST YEAR!

I was just saying "it's KIP FUCKING WELLS, Gentlemen!" and realizing.....I knew that phrase. 

Sure enough.  We did this last year.

We've learned nothing.

[matadorph]

three baserunners thus far.

Happy Easter to me.

[MRaup]

WAIT A SECOND!   This happened LAST YEAR!

I was just saying "it's KIP FUCKING WELLS, Gentlemen!" and realizing.....I knew that phrase. 

Sure enough.  We did this last year.

We've learned nothing.

There is nothing more annoying than watching guys repeatedly swinging at shin high crap, while taking pitches down the pipe.

Burke swings at a pitch that is going to bounce and takes a half swing to boot. Christ.

[rifraft]

three baserunners thus far.

Happy Easter to me.

1 hit shutout through 5, and 5 Ks, against Kip fucking Wells.

[matadorph]

Kip Wells is a Cy Young winner, right?

[Alkie]

Kip Wells is a Cy Young winner, right?

I know he had the perfect game in Yankee Stadium and plays CF for the Jays, but that's it.

[matadorph]

Do other teams have to face Cy Young winners five games out of six, or is it just the Astros?

[Alkie]

Well, let's see...

Duke?  Check.
Snell?  Check.
Gorzelanny?  Not yet, but will probably win the CY this year.
Wainwright?  Check.
Reyes?  Check.
Wells?  Two time winner.

I don't think any other team has faced this caliber of pitching yet, no.  And all on the road. 

[matadorph]

jaysus that was ugly

[rifraft]

jaysus that was ugly

appropriate for easter.

[Alkie]

I know it's been two series and blah blah blah blah blah...

This team is not good.

The offense hasn't changed one bit.

[matadorph]

how long does Mike Lamb have to wait to start platooning with Mo?

[Alkie]

3 seasons apparently.

[MRaup]

I know it's been two series and blah blah blah blah blah...

This team is not good.

The offense hasn't changed one bit.

Well, if theres any consolation, Alkie is in midseason form already.

[Alkie]

Well, if theres any consolation, Alkie is in midseason form already.

No, see it loses something on the net.  I wasn't whining.  I wasn't angry.  I'm perfectly calm.

You're telling me you think this team is improved over last year?  You're telling me this team is better than "not good"?  What games have you been witnessing?

[EasTexAstro]

I think Bagwell just turned the game off.

[matadorph]

I hope this impotent offense doesn't adversely affect the Jennings negotiations. (assuming they exist)

[mihoba]

Well, if theres any consolation, Alkie is in midseason form already.

Alike has a midseason? I thought he disappeared for 4 months until the playoff clinch in September?

[MRaup]

No, see it loses something on the net.  I wasn't whining.  I wasn't angry.  I'm perfectly calm.

You're telling me you think this team is improved over last year?  You're telling me this team is better than "not good"?  What games have you been witnessing?

I'm telling you its been 5, almost 6 games. Albert Pujols just hit his first homer of the year. Is he awful?

How about we wait more than a week to declare this team not good.

The pitching has been outstanding. The offense hasn't woken up yet. I wouldn't declare it bad until we've seen more than 6 days of baseball.

[EasTexAstro]

Come on! We have to make fun of them while we can. We probably won't get too many opportunities this year once they start clicking.

[Greg M]

I've got a question.  How long will we have to keep on listening to God Bless America at EVERY game.  9/11 happened 6 years ago!  Isn't the national anthem, sung by live people, enough to satiate every person's patriotism??

[remy]

Isn't it just on sundays now?

[mihoba]

Thinks are definitely strange this year. Brandon Duckworth just pitched 6.1 shutout innings against the Tigers.

[Greg M]

Isn't it just on sundays now?

Is it??  I rescind my rant.

[homer]

Is it??  I rescind my rant.

Communist.

[EasTexAstro]

OK, Now they HAVE to be ready to do something here.

[Greg M]

Communist.

Me?  Nah.  I'm the biggest advocate of the late Senator Joseph McCarthy. 

[Amy]

Is it??  I rescind my rant.

And Clay Walker sang it on Opening Day (as well as the anthem).  Although Clay only sang about half of it, the rest he pawned off on the crowd.  Maybe he didn't know all the words, even though they were on the screen behind him. 

[homer]

Me?  Nah.  I'm the biggest advocate of the late Senator Joseph McCarthy. 

Admit it, you want the terrorists to win.

[matadorph]

This m*therf**king offense is Jimmy-Buffett-and-the-Coral-Reefer-Band bad.

[Greg M]

Admit it, you want the terrorists to win.

If the Astros had an offense, they could beat the terrorists and win the World Series.

[EasTexAstro]

Good chance for Lidge to get some work in.

[Alkie]

This m*therf**king offense is Jimmy-Buffett-and-the-Coral-Reefer-Band bad.

The matherfasking offense?  The mitherflaking offense?  I don't get it.  What is that supposed to be?

[Greg M]

Pujols' mojo continues to devastate Lidge's psyche.

[mihoba]

Damn, time to hit the road. They stunk up MMP this week.

[remy]

Good chance for Lidge to get some work in.

And boy is he taking advantage of it.

[homer]

so where the fuck is AE?

[EasTexAstro]

At what point is this considered ugly?

[Alkie]

FUCKING HELL.  Even with a no fucking pressure situation, Lidge can't pitch effectively.  

[Craig]

This m*therf**king offense is Jimmy-Buffett-and-the-Coral-Reefer-Band bad.

I don't know where I'm-a gonna go when the whole offense blows.

[homer]

And boy is he taking advantage of it.

that first slider to Pujols was unhittable.

[EasTexAstro]

FUCKING HELL.  Even with a no fucking pressure situation, Lidge can't pitch effectively.  

Well, I can't see what is going on, but did Loretta mess up the DP that would have ended the inning?

[matadorph]

FUCKING HELL.  Even with a no fucking pressure situation, Lidge can't pitch effectively. 

and he can't field SS either.

[Alkie]

Look, if you want to pin that on Loretta, you can.  Loretta didn't serve up that pitch to Rolen after the error.  Lidge's job is still to take care of business. 

[mihoba]

Well, I can't see what is going on, but did Loretta mess up the DP that would have ended the inning?

Yes. Routine.

[Navin R Johnson]

Well, I can't see what is going on, but did Loretta mess up the DP that would have ended the inning?

no.   they could have gotten 1, two would have been unlikely.   Lidge has looked liked crap sans a couple pitches.    He is just flat terrible right now

[Greg M]

It's only a matter of time until Ensberg and Lidge lead this team to the promise land.

[Alkie]

Yes. Routine.

Totally, but the point is...inning continued and Lidge imploded again.  

[EasTexAstro]

Lidge's job is still to take care of business. 

Well,... yeah.

[mihoba]

I don't know what the fuck it is, but Lidge is snakebit.

[homer]

Look, if you want to pin that on Loretta, you can.  Loretta didn't serve up that pitch to Rolen after the error.  Lidge's job is still to take care of business. 

I was gonna post in defense of Lidge, but while I was typing Molina hit it into the gap.

Still, Loretta has got to make that play.

[EasTexAstro]

Milo just pointed out that it is good Lidge didn't blow a save.

[matadorph]

I don't know what the fuck it is, but Lidge is snakebit.

yes he is.

the Eckstain hopper to Ensberg and the E6, followed by the meltdown.

[homer]

The Astros have 2 singles today. 2 SINGLES.

[EasTexAstro]

Just saving up the hits and runs...

[Alkie]

I don't know what the fuck it is, but Lidge is snakebit.

Honestly, THAT is what scares me...NO ONE knows what it is.  And if they do, it doesn't seem to be getting thru to him.

Lidge is the Astros' abusive relationship.

Won't happen again.  He's got it all figured out this time.  So sorry.  All my fault.  BAM!

Is he done for good?  Is it temporary (is 2 seasons temporary?)?  If not, what do you do with him?  Do you keep him?  Let him close?  Have him sell hotdogs?

[matadorph]

no.   they could have gotten 1, two would have been unlikely.   

i dunno, that looked like a routine play for AE.

[EasTexAstro]

Have him sell hotdogs?

Can he make good pancakes?

[Alkie]

i dunno, that looked like a routine play for AE.

But see, that's irrelevant.  Yes, AE probably would have made it, but he wasn't in.  Loretta was.  He made the error.  Not one had scored at that point (including the play with the error).

Lidge's job, as any pitcher in that positions job would have been, was to get out of the inning.  Instead....ka-BLAMMO.

[mihoba]

Honestly, THAT is what scares me...NO ONE knows what it is.  And if they do, it doesn't seem to be getting thru to him.

What scares me is that Garner is so fucking stubborn about it.

[Alkie]

Can he make good pancakes?

I'll let Lee be the judge.

[Zac D]

I don't know what the fuck it is, but Lidge is snakebit.

It would be fascinating if it weren't so frustrating.

[remy]

Going in to the season, I thought our strengths would be the offense and bullpen, while the starting pitching would be the Achilles heel.  Whoops.

[Dobro]

Lidge's job, as any pitcher in that positions job would have been, was to get out of the inning.  Instead....ka-BLAMMO.

Lidge's problems are easily correctable.  Just be patient.

[Alkie]

What scares me is that Garner is so fucking stubborn about it.

We'll see.  I bet he ain't closing much longer.

You have to think he was brought in today in a totally no-pressure situation to get a solid inning in against a decent team.  Oops.

[EasTexAstro]

Not only is the team missing AE's glove, but it seems his bat, believe it or not.

Ensberg has a good OBP, right?


...and he takes a walk as I type this.

[Alkie]

Lidge's problems are easily correctable.  Just be patient.

My sarcasm meter just broke.

[matadorph]

But see, that's irrelevant.  Yes, AE probably would have made it, but he wasn't in.  Loretta was.  He made the error.  Not one had scored at that point (including the play with the error).

Lidge's job, as any pitcher in that positions job would have been, was to get out of the inning.  Instead....ka-BLAMMO.

of course it is. no one's saying otherwise. Lidge is struggling badly and in dire need of some lucky breaks.

[mihoba]

I hope they have fun on the flight to ChiTown.

[Alkie]

Lidge is struggling badly and in dire need of some lucky breaks.

Ok, but how long do you wait for that?  It's been something like 18 months.

[EasTexAstro]

of course it is. no one's saying otherwise. Lidge is struggling badly and in dire need of some lucky breaks.

I would drop the lucky from that and say he needs some breaks.

[Alkie]

I hope they have fun on the flight to ChiTown.

Are you suggesting what I'm suggesting?  SlumpBusters for everyone on the flight?

[Greg M]

We'll see.  I bet he ain't closing much longer.

You have to think he was brought in today in a totally no-pressure situation to get a solid inning in against a decent team.  Oops.

Gar's pretty stubborn.  He's given every chance for Lidge and Mo to turn themselves around.  Hope he'll wise up and shake things up but I'm pessimistic.

[homer]

Are you suggesting what I'm suggesting?  SlumpBusters for everyone on the flight?

What's in a SlumpBuster?

[Amy]

Scott just fucked up my great Harry Doyle impression. Dammit!

[Alkie]

What's in a SlumpBuster?

http://hometown.aol.com/rufflife3628127/images/ugly%20girl.jpg

[Dobro]

Lidge is struggling badly and in dire need of some lucky breaks.

I'd prefer that the Astros closer not have to rely on "lucky breaks" to get hitters out.

[remy]

What's in a SlumpBuster?

Brad Lidge, if things go according to tradition.

[Amy]

Well, I'll give it a shot anyway...

Three hits?  That's all we got, THREE goddamn hits?!?

[matadorph]

I'd prefer that the Astros closer not have to rely on "lucky breaks" to get hitters out.

well yeah, but Lidge induced three ground balls and only had one out to show for it.

His chi is fucked.

[homer]

http://hometown.aol.com/rufflife3628127/images/ugly%20girl.jpg

I was thinking something more like this:

http://www.nycdiet.com/nycdiet/images/monicalewinskyfat.jpg

[Dobro]

His chi is fucked.

So is his ERA.

[Alkie]

The Astros are a very good baseball team.

The offense is fixed.

Lidge is back on track.

Pass the fucking Koolaid.

[Alkie]

I was thinking something more like this:

http://www.nycdiet.com/nycdiet/images/monicalewinskyfat.jpg

Much better example.  Think the plane will hold 25 of those?

[mihoba]

Well, I'll give it a shot anyway...

Three hits?  That's all we got, THREE goddamn hits?!?

But ONE was out of the infield!

[EasTexAstro]

The Astros are a very good baseball team.

The offense is fixed.

Lidge is back on track.

Pass the fucking Koolaid.

The offense is fixed? Is that why they are shooting blanks?

They have already tied Lidge to the tracks?

[homer]

Much better example.  Think the plane will hold 25 of those?

What the Astros need is to play a team like the Pyroots, ya know, to build their confidence.