Reluctantly crouched at the starting line

[Kevin]

Hello. New Pine Tar Rag now online.

[Phil_in_CS]

Excellent, Sir

[BudGirl]

You sir, are the best.

[Ty in Tampa]

Money!

[JimR]

excellent, as always.

[mihoba]

The Rag returns, a sight for sore eyes.

[Craig]

Thanks Kevin, that was great to read.

[Kevin]

Thanks!

However, the appropriate response would have gone something like…

FAIR-WEATHER &%$!#! Oh, NOW you show up, at opening FREAKING day, after we get this shiny new blue site and all. Well, fancy pants, WE'VE been listening to the Cleveland Indians for the past month, and let me tell you THAT’S DEDICATION. And here you come strolling in. Where the HELL were you when the rest of us were trudging through this miserable offseason, and running out of insults to hurl at the Houston Chronicle? Filling your NetFlix queue with old Burt Reynolds movies probably. Well, don't let us keep you, SLACKER. I'm SURE there is an NFL draft preview or an Iron Chef rerun somewhere that you're missing! If this weren’t the internet, I'd beat you with a rubber hose like the frontrunning redneck $#@%bag that you are!

Or something like that. C'mon guys, the vaunted OWA vitriole seems to be far from midseason form.

[JimR]

how about: "fuck off, frontrunner"

[pravata]

Thanks!

However, the appropriate response would have gone something like…

FAIR-WEATHER &%$!#! Oh, NOW you show up, at opening FREAKING day, after we get this shiny new blue site and all. Well, fancy pants, WE'VE been listening to the Cleveland Indians for the past month, and let me tell you THAT’S DEDICATION. And here you come strolling in. Where the HELL were you when the rest of us were trudging through this miserable offseason, and running out of insults to hurl at the Houston Chronicle? Filling your NetFlix queue with old Burt Reynolds movies probably. Well, don't let us keep you, SLACKER. I'm SURE there is an NFL draft preview or an Iron Chef rerun somewhere that you're missing! If this weren’t the internet, I'd beat you with a rubber hose like the frontrunning redneck $#@%bag that you are!

Or something like that. C'mon guys, the vaunted OWA vitriole seems to be far from midseason form.

We're supposed to be wearing our big boy pants.  But thanks for dredging up the memory of Milo drooling, literally, slobbering all over Florence Henderson.  Might as well just type Walt Weiss 200 times and be done with it.

[MusicMan]

Or something like that. C'mon guys, the vaunted OWA vitriole seems to be far from midseason form.

We're still here, tripping over ourselves, trying to figure out how the hell to do things like post a simple link.  Spring training ain't over yet.  We're Woody... 5 hits, 5 runs allowed, and EXACTLY where we want to be.

By April 2, we'll be ready to answer the bell, capitan.

[Kevin]

how about: "fuck off, frontrunner"

Now you chuckin in there.

[jwhudson]

That's a wonderful job Kevin, thank you.  I especially like the Navy Jack.

[DVauthrin]

outstanding. 

[cougar]

Hmm... Ok I'll give it a shot.

Jesus, it's good to FINALLY see Kevin on the Rag again since he apparently disappeared sometimes around the same time Morgan's batting eye did.  I'm assuming it was a gordita fueled coma that led to Kevin collapsing in his log cabin somewhere in the bayou and he was only found when his neighbors were wondering what the hell had died and decided to take a look.  My question is, what roused him?  Was it the naked pictures of Bea Arthur taped to his hospital room's ceiling, or was it the steady thump of the baseball landing in the catcher's glove after Ensberg let another 3-2 fastball go past?

But hey, much like the migrating birds that pepper my freshly washed car with their gifts, Kevin has returned and brought all of his shit with him.  And it's about damn time.  Excellent start to the season.  Batter up everyone the season is getting ready to get under way, and the Good Guys are looking to teabag the Cards, Cubs and even the Brewers (when the hell did THEY get halfway decent?  Did I fall into an alternate dimension?).  I'll see you all on opening day.

P.S. Your ombudsman reminds me that while I never could get into Iron Chef (never saw it on a regular enough basis to like it) I must say that the Japanese produce TV that far surpasses most of the dreck that shows up on American prime time.  While I appreciate Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (I wonder what those guys are REALLY saying), the sheer lunacy of some of the contestants on Ninja Warrior make me thankful to be alive.  Nothing like watching some Japanese salaryman get wasted on half a beer and take a header in to a 6 inch deep puddle filled with what looks like the leavings from a Calcutta bathroom.  That's like the visual definition of Miller Time.

[das]

Thanks!

Or something like that. C'mon guys, the vaunted OWA vitriole seems to be far from midseason form.

Take your "Thanks!" and stick it up your ORangeWhooPass.  Just because you preface your weak-ass take with, "this is going to suck because I've been off finding myself" doesn't mean you can roll into our house with that steaming pile of outdated crap and then stand around waiting for the post-game rub-down.  Do you even know how to pronounce "Nieve"?  Do you know who Chris Sampson is?  If you had a hair on your ass, you'd kick the wife and kids to the curb when pitchers and catchers report, drag Scott out of his Gordita-induced coma and roll like 'brothas in the TZ.

BTW, you suck for linking to pics still hosted at astrosconnection.com.  You said you were going to blow that Mf'er up.  Liar.  And, NASCAR sucks unless you are an inbred bayou nutria.

[Kevin]

Take your "Thanks!" and stick it up your ORangeWhooPass.  Just because you preface your weak-ass take with, "this is going to suck because I've been off finding myself" doesn't mean you can roll into our house with that steaming pile of outdated crap and then stand around waiting for the post-game rub-down.  Do you even know how to pronounce "Nieve"?  Do you know who Chris Sampson is?  If you had a hair on your ass, you'd kick the wife and kids to the curb when pitchers and catchers report, drag Scott out of his Gordita-induced coma and roll like 'brothas in the TZ.

BTW, you suck for linking to pics still hosted at astrosconnection.com.  You said you were going to blow that Mf'er up.  Liar.  And, NASCAR sucks unless you are an inbred bayou nutria.

This is more like like it.

It's true, I don't know who Chris Sampson is and NASCAR is indeed beginning to suck. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge is a gift from God, but nothing beats the original Iron Chef, which unfortunately jumped the shark when Morimoto thumped Bobby Flay in NYC.

You can't get a gordita at Taco Bell anymore. I tried the other day and they didn't know what I was talking about. Then I saw a poster on the wall with lotsa food that said Fourthmeal. So I said, "give me one of them Fourthmeals". They were still confused, so I went to McDonalds, where they always understand me.

[ybbodeus]

First paragraph alone is make ya' cringe funny.  Geez!  Any aspirations I had about being a writer someday.....DEAD!

[Foghorn]

You can't get a gordita at Taco Bell anymore. I tried the other day and they didn't know what I was talking about. Then I saw a poster on the wall with lotsa food that said Fourthmeal. So I said, "give me one of them Fourthmeals". They were still confused, so I went to McDonalds, where they always understand me.

So good.  I may try that on the way home for dinner one night..."Gimme one of them Fourthmeals".

I'm still trying to figure out how many more ways Taco Bell can combine tortillas, "meat", beans, "cheese", lettuce, tomatos and sour cream into something new and exciting.  I picture the food scientists at Taco Bell acting like the NASA trouble-shooters in Apollo 13 trying to get the square CO2 filters into the round holes.  Dammit, lets try soft tortilla, cheese and meat, then grill it, then stuff it into a hard tortilla with some beans, covered in lettuce and tomatoes, and pressed into a trapezoid shape. 

[tophfar]

combine tortillas, "meat", beans, "cheese", lettuce, tomatos and sour cream into something new and exciting.

isn't that just a description of tex mex in general? 

[MusicMan]

So good.  I may try that on the way home for dinner one night..."Gimme one of them Fourthmeals".

I'm still trying to figure out how many more ways Taco Bell can combine tortillas, "meat", beans, "cheese", lettuce, tomatos and sour cream into something new and exciting.  I picture the food scientists at Taco Bell acting like the NASA trouble-shooters in Apollo 13 trying to get the square CO2 filters into the round holes.  Dammit, lets try soft tortilla, cheese and meat, then grill it, then stuff it into a hard tortilla with some beans, covered in lettuce and tomatoes, and pressed into a trapezoid shape. 

New from Taco Bell... the Cheesy Stuft Grilled Rhombus!

[strosrays]

Hello. New Pine Tar Rag now online.

A marketing vehicle that is so godawful as to be memorable shall exceed all reasonable expectations of promotional value.


"I'm theeeeenking of a number. . . "

Is it the same thing if you also feel moved to jump inside your TV set and strangle the commercial announcer?

[Trey]

Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force.

So, am I the only one here that like Uni Watch?

[JackAstro]

So, am I the only one here that like Uni Watch?

Absolutely, yes. Sorry.

[pravata]

New from Taco Bell... the Cheesy Stuft Grilled Rhombus!

Three Cheesy Moebius Tortilla Strips.

[austro]

Three Cheesy Moebius Tortilla Strips.

Excellent! If you eat carefully enough, you never run out!

[Taras Bulba]

So, am I the only one here that like Uni Watch?

I don't know if i really "like" Uni Watch, but i read it from time to time.  I emailed the guy once about the Astros pinstripes.  He seemed to think that Drayton was too much in love with them to go to the superior "alternate white" home uni.  I don't know--the Houston uniform thing has been rehashed countless times here and it is what it is.

[Waldo]

I don't know if i really "like" Uni Watch, but i read it from time to time.  I emailed the guy once about the Astros pinstripes.  He seemed to think that Drayton was too much in love with them to go to the superior "alternate white" home uni.  I don't know--the Houston uniform thing has been rehashed countless times here and it is what it is.

Actually, while the pinstripes are not great, I like them better than the all-white unis.  The red/tan lettering just looks too weird because there's not enough contrast.