Dobro - Sounds like the ol' gal I picked up one night at Triggers in Kenefick. We bought a case of Keystone (said it was her favorite) and a bottle of Strawberry Hill at the closest shop that sold suds. Next thing I knew, we were tuggin' on the Boones, shotgunnin' the Keystone, and headed to Saratoga to see the "light" (she said it was romantic). By the time we got to Saratoga, I was three sheets to the wind and don't remember much about the game of Twister that we played in the backseat of her mother's Gremlin. A few hours later, as we sat on the side of a dirt road that was about 9 miles long waiting for the ever elusive "light", we talked about our chemistry, what we would name our kids, and other things of the sort. With sweet thing behind the wheel and about a half tank of gas, we left the excitement that is Saratoga with a mobile home park on the outskirts of Hardin set firmly in our sights. She was chompin' at the bit to show me off to her sister-in-law, who was not only her best friend, but her skeet-shooting partner at the Hull-Daisetta Fall Festival. Who was I to argue? With the Gremlin wound up tighter than Dick's hat band, we screamed through the streets of Sour Lake at close to 20mph over the limit and not a care in the world...until we passed Johnny Law pulling out of the local laundromat. As he flipped on his bubble gum machines, she panicked and dropped the hammer. I said, "Now hold on darlin'. What in the hell are you doin'?" Her speech was shaken and she was crying, but I managed to cipher a few words here and there as I held on for dear life. I clearly heard her say something about not being old enough to drive and her daddy being a Liberty County deputy. Well, ol' Dobro boy might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday either. With the officer about a quarter mile behind us, I forced her to whip the Gremlin into the Dairy Queen parking lot and I bailed out and hit the ground runnin'. Off throught the piney woods I went for what seemed like a country mile before I came out on a 2 lane road that turned out to be Highway 105. Shirtless and with one shoe on, I managed to flag down some road lizard driving a log truck for Paul Brockner out of Cleveland. She closely resembled Limey's mom, so I immediately felt comfortable and at ease. She turned her Marshall Tucker tape down and told me that she was headed to Weimar. I asked her if she would drop me off on Memorial Drive on her way through the city and she agreed. Sad thing is I left my damn wallet in the Gremlin during my slapdash exit and 48 hours later Dobro was on his way back to East Texas...in the back of a patrol car.
Drew - Only there's nothing really to say other than the wonderment that is unfolding here is quite the sight to be seen.
Foghorn - Why are you unfolding your wonder meat?
Drew - For the ladies my man. For the ladies.
Andyzipp ? BudGirl, Garner never showed up for his interview.
Budgirl ? Guess they told him he wasn?t worth a hummer.
Kevin - How in the hell do you break dance while dressed as a giant lima bean? Where do you put your legs? How do you hold yourself up?
Taras Bulba - Stain might have been a dick, but he could fart like a champion racehorse.
TarasBulba - Yes, Waldo, many thanks for your hard work and the site is indeed impressive. However, since I registered, my bank account has been frozen and i'm receiving tons of gay porn and Cialis pop ups (NTTAAWWT). But after Jim R. checks in with his first "Fuck Off" it will all be worth it.
EasTex ? Suggested Slogans for advertising on the former Mrs. Bagwell?s Profundities
"If you can read this, you need to back away slowly"
"This side up"
"Warning: Overexposure could cause impotence"
"If this turns you on, you don't need Viagra"
"Where's the beef?"
"Long-haired, Freaky people need not apply"
"What can Brown do for you?"
"The right stuff; the right price"
"It's our turn"
"Help support the victims of disaster"
"Press here to donate"
"The good hands people"
"What's in your wallet?"
"Computer: $1000. High Speed internet: $30. eBay account: $10. Selling ad space on your boobs: classless"
"Is it in you?"
"Not going anywhere for a while?"
"Want to get away?"
"The best part of waking up"
"It's the real thing"
"Meet the Fockers"
"Farfednuggen"
"Friends don't let friends drive drunk"
